Things Not To Say To People Who've Been in Care

People who have been in care hear all sorts of questions and comments about their experiences, from “Were you left on a doorstep?” to “You don’t look like your family.” Then there’s, “But you seem perfectly normal?” Here, eight people who’ve been in care talk about and challenge some of the most common assumptions made about them and their lives. And no, it's not like Tracy Beaker.
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[@apotatogirl2309]

The best answer to " Why did they give you up?" is "Why did they keep you?🤨🤔"

[@brumtownmiller6130]

Id answer because i have good parents!!! Its not the best answer as someone mean can insult you more

[@myaholmes4286]

apotato girl no really because in return they can just say they loved me

[@JustAFace_InTheCrowd]

apotato girl Ooooooo yeeeeesssssssssss!!! lmao!!!

[@JustAFace_InTheCrowd]

Jazmyn Gold Only if they’re smart and fast enough. A lot of people don’t have another comeback cause they don’t think you’re gonna respond. And that’s not a good response to a burn like that; of course they do love them, but the other person is basically saying “they SHOULDN’T love you, cause you’re a dick.” 😂

[@apotatogirl2309]

@@JustAFace_InTheCrowd Thanks for clearing that up! Some people didn't get my joke...

[@aaronburratwood.6957]

My daughter is not mine by birth but she is still my child. She does not look like me but I’ve been her father since she was only one year old & she will be 18 this October. She acts so much like me that there is no doubt that we are father & daughter.

[@TheLicktysplitz]

Aww how sweet.

[@kui_maina]

Dealing with a teen😂😂, i want to adopt a girl too.

[@getmotivated1707]

You chose her, which is, arguably, more beautiful. I have 2, but I was in care, and what matters is love. DNA is the smallest part of the whole, imo. Congrats on having an awesome daughter :)

[@getmotivated1707]

@@kui_maina Ikr? Why can't they stay little enough to need you forever? :)

[@Stephanie102684]

The man I call Dad has been with my mom since I was 4 (I'm 34) and I will always think of him as my dad. He was the one who raised me and has taken care of me and loved me. To me that means more than ever knowing who my biological father is or having him in my life. Your daughter will view you the same way.

[@saoirsebarnes5311]

The young woman who has to walk past her mother in the street without talking to her for risk of health and safety.. wow, that broke my heart. That poor beautiful being! I wish I could give her a huge hug! Well all of them, but moreso her!

[@nowandaround312]

It's her biological mother that she walks past, not just "her mother." She has a mother who raised her and loves her.

[@rachel_longmore]

Heartbreaking

[@iciajay6891]

I do that with my bio father. He tried to kill my mum. ( he never went to prison) But I pretend not to know him or anyone on his family's side. It's easy for me. As I have been doing it for 20 years. They are trash ppl. So I do not feel guilty in the least.

[@Jlovesart]

Blood is not everything people. Nurture beats nature.

[@beansontoast1759]

True dat

[@naziamajid1772]

Not always !

[@MommaWolf1967]

I disagree

[@akale2620]

That is just not true.

[@danw1374]

Nature always wins, that's why we all eventually die.

[@mykynzy2790]

*straight faced* "I'm normal, I'm great, I'm killing it man" I felt that

[@ClezVideos]

My heart is breaking for the girl who said she passed her mum on the street and doesn’t recognise her. That must be so heartbreaking :(

[@MissCandyTattoo]

FAMILY ISN’T BLOOD!! Family are the people who love and about you.

[@xansxanax6093]

Jessica Holden-Cook thanks for that aleast you know

[@jameswhiteley6843]

No family is blood. Whether you get on with them is a different matter.

[@maya-gs4px]

@@jameswhiteley6843 Family is ultimately just a word that can change meaning over time. If your blood-related family loves you, this description shouldn't change anything for you anyway.

[@emmashaw]

I know what you are tryna to say but like you said it wrong and some are ya know

[@bigballerbenji7217]

No that’s what family means

[@internationalrtg5602]

People can be really evil. Just ignore them, they’re ignorant.

[@ScylerWolf]

I’m adopted and was in the foster care system, I’m one of those few lucky ones to be cared for when given up. Not everybody can say that for themselves and I appreciate the information for people who don’t realize that. My mom always tell me: “When you’re adopted, you grow in your mommy’s heart, not her stomach” ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

[@-emmaf3402]

ScylerWolf Your mum sounds like the most amazing person! It’s so good you managed to find each other 💞

[@ScylerWolf]

A Good Username Like any other mother and child, of course we have our ups and downs but yes, she’s amazing!

[@maraboumjolkchoklad475]

My mom says that I was born in her heart instead of her stomach❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@ScylerWolf]

marina svensson I guess we have that in common ^u^ 💖

[@dusk4974]

Oh, that is *precious*!

[@Jlovesart]

"Do you want to find your birth mom??!" No. Many people who are adopted don't want to find their birth parents because their parents for the most part are loving and everything to them.

[@andreeahelendavid9971]

Yes! I said that too :)

[@neuroseptember1020]

I have a sperm donor and I’m very curious to meet him

[@AshaNimo1]

*mum lol sorry I had to

[@dontmindme.imjustafraidofe9327]

So, do adopted kids resent their birth family or...?

[@briankeithnull194]

The only reason I decided to find my bio-Mother was because it was my REAL Mothers idea for me to do so, otherwise I never would have. I was adopted at 6 weeks old so I didn't know anything different. I was also never in foster care so I have no experience with that either. The only issue I ever had that bothered me was growing up I never had any information when asked by a doctor if I had any family history of............and I didn't know. Fortunately at my age now I am aware of a family history of heart problems. Including my Bio-Mother. That information is helpful.

[@alleaufihreposition]

My mother was a drug abuser, killed herself when I was 12 y.o. and my father was an alcoholic. I rarely saw them because I was so lucky to grew up with my lovely grandmother, who had the biggest heart. I learned so much from her about charity and 1000 other things. I always heard from neighbors or other people who met me for the first time: " Oh, you must be so thankfull that you can live with her!" Yes, I was. But my biggest whish as a child was to have a normal family and feel normal...

[@getmotivated1707]

God bless grandma's like yours

[@Inamichan]

My brother is adopted and I loathe him just as much as I do my biological sister. Siblings are siblings. Blood doesn’t matter.

[@sarahsteward8277]

Loathe?

[@snapmyneck8818]

sarah steward Hate

[@bribell4156]

“If you’re bad, you’re gonna move.” I felt that one oml, I got caught breaking a rule at one of my placements when I was 14 and the first thing I said was “I’m getting moved out of here for this, aren’t I?” My social worker pulled up later that day and I got moved 😂

[@lane-petcarechildcare3341]

Bri Bell I am so sorry and it makes me so angry that this stuff happens. People really need to understand what it takes to look after a child, whether they're a foster carer or a parent. It is (or it damn well should be) the same thing in practice. It doesn't matter if the child breaks this or that "rule" or does whatever you don't approve of. Children need to be and feel supported. Love must be unconditional, not dependent on the child's behaviour. I hope more grown ups start to understand that (especially if thinking about fostering), so children can actually get all the support they need to thrive. I hope you are doing well now.

[@MrBrunoUSA]

Some times you move and you don't know about it until it happens.

[@ravenscarlettanis13]

Children’s homes don’t really care about their residents, do they? They just care about the rules.

[@FujinRai]

I was in foster care. Some of these things are really said, it's hurtful

[@tiffanyprice2023]

I can relate to you. I spent six years in the system

[@nomsantuli6023]

Me too it was bad 😭

[@leojames2237]

Same here I was lucky I was with my brother

[@charlilymo192]

my baby brother is adopted and we were foster carers before and one thing i can say about foster kids is they are so resilient. i mean we had a 7 year old once who had been passed around all his life. never met a real steady family and he never cried, never complained.

[@sailorpandora7787]

"You don't look like your family" Too. Relateable.

[@maraboumjolkchoklad475]

I’ve never had that actually. Someone thought that my mom was my grandma though.-.

[@E-A-Z-Y]

Not adopted, but my father was never around. He lived close, but had another family. I can’t say I have any love for him, so I get the, not wanting to meet their birth parents. Like one girl said, the love you gain for your parents is love you’ve received from them.

[@blessing.m7354]

I knewwww a Tracy beaker reference was coming up .

[@camilleviolet4411]

Some of the comments on this are so dumb. These videos are a comedic way to share insight into a situation not everyone has experienced. Nobody is trying to 'control what you say', jfc it's not that deep.

[@babomb2146]

The thing that annoys me about these videos is the way that it groups everyone together in two categories (in this case adopted and not) and implies that their experiences are different. Some adopted people have families that really care about them and some non adopted child don’t have families that care about them.

[@bbfunky1]

Ba Bomb not that deep

[@JW-bj5qs]

@@babomb2146 People who have been in the foster system can't help but have different experiences to those who haven't. They have that experience, others don't. Not that deep.

[@kimpicot9000]

I always got the question "was it because you were naughty"!!! That drove me insane

[@emmylee8862]

OMG that's so inconsiderate and stupid

[@nicknacnu]

YES!!!!! and I always got “are your parents dead, or didn’t they love you” 😡😡

[@zahrah8512]

Kim Picot They’re the dumb kid that there parents would say if you’re bad I’ll give you up for adoption

[@jadekelly6336]

That girl in the yellow checked shirt is literally soooo pretty!

[@SSJPENGUIN]

Jade Kelly and funny

[@whalesharko4465]

@@SSJPENGUIN "Tracy Beaker and I are 🤞 like that"

[@luc.w]

me and tracy we're like that 🤞🏻 made me laugh way too much lmaooo

[@CoralieUndead]

My son was adopted against my will and I hope that he would want to meet me because I've wanted him forever

[@whalesharko4465]

That's awful, I hope you find eachother

[@nivihally2421]

Thats awful

[@detectivethinker3637]

Sorry to hear! I hope that it would take less time these days due to DNA.

[@DreamChaser1366]

Nothing says “I’m confused” like me trying to sleep in the winter. Heater on, fan blowing, window cracked, under 13 blankets with one foot out

[@MLeibs]

😂 my husband too!

[@darlenetroise7079]

Lmfao, that's me to a T. Just don't add watching a scary movie into the mix because the covers save you from any harm, and I'm notorious for one leg under and one leg on top when watching something scary. I've run out of legs.

[@erectustesticulus3191]

Big mood, confused me

[@patrickking9600]

*I am normal. I'm great. I'm killing it, man.* lol

[@lucypreece7581]

Please BBC3 I will keep asking please do a Things Not To Say to people with Dyspraxia. I have the condition and I am passionate about educating people about and It and there are so many misconceptions and stuff that people think and it is a lesser known condition that people don't really know about.

[@noah-jones]

I second this !

[@andrewkerr3898]

One of my best friends has Dyspraxia and he's always a joker when it comes to his condition (lucky it isn't very intense). Lots of missed 'high fives' in amongst other incredibly innaporpriatte humour

[@TheLicktysplitz]

I'm interested in learning about this as well.

[@antagonizerr]

True, but they never address what you COULD ask, if you're looking to understand someone's condition, now do they?

[@just_kate]

Lucy Preece what do people say? My son has dyspraxia but other than people not knowing what it is nobody has ever said anything (that I know of) but his is very mild xx

[@tonicastel2390]

Very touching & actually helpful. Thank you very much for opening up on sensitive topics to educate others.

[@0Flow0]

A lot of times I dont understand the names of these videos. I thought "care" means they've been treated in a hospital or something.

[@camilleviolet4411]

'in care' is just how we tend to say raised in foster care/the childcare system in the UK

[@blindpeopledostuff3587]

Same here. Nothing wrong with the words adoption or foster care.

[@clexamemori3823]

You're probably not English then.

[@majapiasecka5947]

I’m from the uk and I thought that to lmao

[@Kashmachine10]

@@blindpeopledostuff3587 being in care just means foster care. people in care may go on to be adopted, but not always

[@lamecceaisha9676]

I hate it when people ask why parents give you up. The police took us away because our parents is very ill

[@happyhorse1028]

lambird treasure island I am sorry to hear that.

[@petsmart1000]

I went from my abusive birth family, to many abusive foster homes, and adopted by parents who were more abusive than all the other families I've ever been with, being in care and being adopted isn't as great as people make it to be. after 30 years I did get to meet my birth mother, I was hoping it would have been like those reunions where the mother hugs her child and cries, and ya that didn't happen but she was nice, so that's something.

[@ravenscarlettanis13]

Jesus. I’m so sorry.

[@zahrah8512]

0:54 I love her 😂

[@iciajay6891]

"Aren't you grateful" You know for being treated like a human child. The questions people ask you are a reflection of how they think or feel.

[@dangreen3868]

My little brother is adopted, and he's very different from us in a lot of ways. He's got a different body type and tends to lean toward different interests, but in all honesty I don't think it matters, because I love him with all my heart and I've known him since he was half a year old. It breaks my heart when he starts saying he doesn't belong with us, I always talk him through it and we usually end that conversation just messing around, but some of the stuff he says scares me, I hate to see him hurting like that. He's planning on trying to contact his birthmother when he's 18, and I really hope he can get some closer on that.

[@katesteventon5296]

I used to work in a children’s home. I WISH it’d been like Tracey Beaker.

[@hannahdavies5699]

My mum has 4 kids. 3 of them are in care. Not because she left us on a doorstep or something but because she couldn’t cope with having two kids that were at the time undiagnosed with adhd, autism, dyslexia, ocd, bipolar or bpd (not sure which) and one that was just quiet and strange. She fought for years to get us back home and no one listened to her. My brothers have been in around 4/5 foster homes and the one they’re currently in they’ve been in for years which I’m so grateful for their foster carers they can be a lot of work especially brothers. I however have been in 20+ foster homes and got kicked out of multiple homes and schools all because I went to a new foster home thinking I was going to get kicked out within a week. I got abused in some and no one would move me but I had some I loved and still talk to and see because they’ve done so much for me and they’ve given me a roof over my head and food and clothes and got me on the track with college and getting jobs. I understand people ask these questions but you don’t know what’s happened in their life with their parents. They could’ve been abused or had parents with addictions or mental health problems and that’s sometimes hard to talk about. I’m quite happy explaining my past with people if they have questions and most of the time people say “it’s ok if you don’t want to talk about this” which is called having respect. So just remember that a person who is adopted or fostered might have a past they don’t want to talk about just yet and people need to respect the fact that they have a past and give them time and show them trust and love and respect their boundaries (if they don’t like being touched, don’t touch them etc). Its fine asking these questions but make sure that the person looks comfortable answering them and their body language is telling you that they’re happy answering it and always ask if it’s ok if you ask these questions because you don’t know what memories you could be bringing up for that person.

[@robynnhoud4001]

My middle school band teacher was an Asian man adopted by a couple with a Scottish last name (I’ve never met his parents but he explained it to us) and I really didn’t care. He is such a sweet man and very passionate about music.

[@brokennoodle8731]

After being through domestic abuse with my father, my mother is emotionally abusive. Right now Ive got a social worker and in a few months if it doesn’t work out I’m gonna go into foster care. I’m terrified about going into care but I don’t know what would be worse. She said “you’re gonna ruin everyone’s life”. Like what do they expect me to do?!

[@arisummer]

This is so accurate. I friggin hated being around people who knew I was in care cause they were so vicious. I used to get "at least my family wanted me" all the time growing up..

[@tristanpittman80]

I didnt quite know what "been in care" meant when I first read this.....Here in the US we just say adopted.....I love these videos.....helps to learn about stuff

[@godlessbtch3284]

"i wish i was adopted" --------" i wish i had something i could use as a token (for my) personality instead of actually having a personality!!"

[@tndy6611]

I love being adopted! I was cross culturally adopted at 8 months old in South Africa. It's insane how much I can really resonate with most of these questions. I had no idea that these questions where so common amongst the adoption community.

[@Lala47362]

Do social anxiety!!

[@dontmindme.imjustafraidofe9327]

Luna Lovegood Yes! Yes! YES!!!!

[@ihsan2837]

YES

[@snapmyneck8818]

Yes..please, yes

[@caracara300]

Not everyone who is in care is adopted, a lot of people in care see their biological parents

[@sailorpandora7787]

Wich is just more confusing to be honest...

[@gemmarobinson4185]

Sydney Arden no foster parents take care of you. They can also before parents without adoption

[@caracara300]

Sydney Arden No, I’ve been in Care that’s not how it works. You have a foster carer who you live with, then, depending on then circumstances, you have ‘contact’ with your biological parents. This is often supervised and limited to a certain amount of hours. Foster care and adoption are not the same thing

[@caracara300]

Sailor Pandora why?

[@nicknacnu]

Cara Cara I was in the care system for 11 years and was also fostered, but for the circumstances under my control, I was sent back to care!!!!

[@itsm0oshi]

I always get asked how is was a orphanage but was never in a orphanage

[@emblackett_x]

I was sort of in care when I was younger as I lived with my Grandma on my Mum's side, along with my Mum's brother's two sons when I was younger. Everyone at school thought it was really weird that I lived with my cousins, Chris and Darren, and my Grandma, rather than my parents. I also don't know why I moved in with my Grandma, as my parents never explained to me, although I'm pretty sure it was something to do with my Dad being an alcoholic (can't be sure though). My cousins, on the other hand, knew that they were completely abandoned by their Dad (my Mum's brother), so Chris lived with our Grandma, and then moved into his own place when she died, Tasha never lived with our Grandma, as she was put straight into care, and Darren lived with our Grandma and then was put into care, so I do completely understand what people in care go through, as my entire generation in my family have been through it in one way or another.

[@fionaboyle7616]

Please do things not to say to people who were home schooled

[@kimpicot9000]

Fiona Boyle YES YES YES

[@aishayoung3952]

ya girl is homeschooled

[@jkmakeupmaster1438]

Yes

[@ihsan2837]

Fiona Boyle YES IM HOME SCHOOLED

[@ravenvanwolfie9154]

This video hits home for me due to recent events that happened to me

[@iluilabb]

BBC Three - Care and adoption are very different experiences. The title of this video only mentions ‘care’ and it is painfully apparent that the individuals in within it are talking about adoption. It is insensitive to those who’ve been in care, particularly long term care, however never adopted, such as myself.

[@rebeccawilliams9051]

Mate i was in the video i appreciate what ya tryna say but really i would still consider that care you have a SW and that i was in residential and secure some were foster some eventually adopted even rest bite is a form of care so i see what you are tryna say but i kinda don't at the same time

[@iluilabb]

Adoption isn’t care. Care refers to foster care and children’s homes where the local authority is your legal guardian. Adoption is what is being spoken about in this video - where caring adult(s) become your legal parents. Children in long term foster care or children’s homes can only dream of adoption. The two offer completely different levels and lengths of support.

[@getmotivated1707]

YES! Absolutely this!

[@getmotivated1707]

@@rebeccawilliams9051 if you've had both, then both relate to you. But to anybody who has only had one or the other, it's different. One of them you end up part of a family, the other you don't or you only get to join a family temporarily if you get fostered.

[@Belihoney]

As someone who was fostered from 3 months til 18... i don't see the problem? The black girl in this I know and she also wasn't adopted...

[@aliciasheargold4963]

I’m adopted and I relate to this so much

[@beccadee0935]

This is a really good one!! Relatable!

[@crazymumma3944]

As a kid a few times other kids to be mean would say to me no wonder why your mum gave you up I would have too. That used to get to me a bit

[@TheLicktysplitz]

I'm so sorry s they said that to you. Incredibly terrible.

[@Moving_on_2]

Same. Still hurts to think about it

[@crazymumma3944]

@@Moving_on_2 it sure does. Take care of yourself hun x

[@Harvinderlanda]

THANK YOU FOR THIS !!

[@shelbygates2958]

In America you can legally leave a baby at the hospital or fire department, i thought it was like that everywhere

[@shoots_austin]

That's awful

[@shelbygates2958]

@@Hijtan Most are, yes

[@black76561]

Wooow

[@GoogleUser-yj1wy]

In Ireland as of 2019 its legal to kill ur baby :(

[@RentGirlAr]

Also in Italy and I think it's a great thing. If you don't or can't grow your child in the best way possible you can leave him/her in protected places, like in heated baby cot outside of hospitals.

[@firetjue4099]

Sometimes water is thicker than blood.

[@getmotivated1707]

People misuse that saying all the time. The real one makes more sense, and says exactly what you're saying. "The blood of the covenant(agreement) is thicker than the water of the womb" meaning the people you choose are the ones linked to you more than those linked by birth.

[@chelseyowens7709]

If that isn't the damned coolest most accurate thing I've seen anyone comment all week then I was raised in a nuclear family.

[@amydraycott817]

Family isn't about blood, I hate when people say that blood is thicker than water because that is not that actual saying. the full quote is 'blood of the covenant is thicker than waters of the womb' basically meaning that you can have a stronger bond with those who are not blood related to you. I'm not adopted but I do know that when I am in a more stable financial situation that I want to adopt a child and give them the home and love that they deserve. (I am currently at uni, so not in the position to adopt a child yet).

[@tiffanyprice2023]

I can relate. I spent six years in the foster system.

[@noornoory98]

I loved this video, really shocks me to hear the horrible things people say to people who have been in care! Please do a video on what not to say to people who have ADHD :)

[@NatalieDaSilva1]

loveee the 'things not to say" videos! I wish i was a part of this somehow, I got plenty to say!

[@duke__]

I had a friend who was adopted and one year at camp and the fact that she was adopted was brought up(forget how) but this little girl no older than 6 just randomly went, "does that mean your parents didn't love you?" my friend was were really nice about it especially since the girl didn't know any better. But we actually had a good laugh about that afterwards.

[@iheartigloos]

BBC3 - Just some helpful insight...For me the background music really took away from the video.

[@loisroberts4234]

Iddi (the one in the grey jumper) used to go to my high school! I still see him on his bike sometimes and his art is still in the corridors

[@lanacooper2086]

I've been asked a lot of these questions. Some dont bother me. Some questions do. When people insist they know more than me is what annoying.

[@BLESS2803]

Thanks guys for this very insightful. And a massive shout out to my bestie Keeley xxxx

[@chuyistheshiz6811]

If your reading this have a good day! Its almost the weekend.

[@kennedier6746]

you too brother

[@Belacroix5]

So wholesome! I love this, have a nice weekend bro.

[@tylerbell6061]

It’s past the weekend

[@zoegreen905]

No it's Sunday night for me 😂

[@nanaaraj]

I can relate because I was in care and I’d get asked if I live with my parents and I say no. They ask me why I don’t with parents and it’s hard to explain the whole situation because they might get confused and they are ignorant. Also, when I lived at the children’s home called Westbrook, the school staff wouldn’t refer it as home . They just think that you have to live with parents to call it home where you can have someone else to take the responsibly to look after a child or young person to help your biological parents and this could be for different reasons for each individual. You can’t judge the person unless you ask them. Thanks for sharing. 😊

[@getmotivated1707]

Did they call it "The Unit"? I hated that, like I was a science experiment or something. Sucks man, sorry you had to feel that way ever. I hope things are good for you :)

[@nanaaraj]

get motivated yes they called it Unit or just Westbrook. I can understand how you felt by this situation. Thank you for your empathy, things are going okay. Hope for you too! 😊

[@Gleamingsoul777]

Living in a care home compared foster care they at the opposite ends of the scale . I have experienced both and I think Forster care really saves kids ! I will always be greatful for my awesome foster carers . Such beautiful loving hearts .

[@francislaufkvistkristinsbu4072]

I don't know if it's the same thing, but this video is very important to me because my mom and 3 of my firends are adopted. So thanks :)

[@telliex]

I was talking to a guy (with intention to possibly date) and when I talked about how I (who was in foster care and adopted) wanted to foster and adopt. One of the first things he said was "I could never love a child that's not mine." Around then, I pretty much lost all interest lol. also, some kids are taken away, not given up

[@TheFBeei]

That blonde lady needs to help me learn how to do my makeup and that lady beside her rocks that snakeskin shirt

[@katiecorrie3149]

I'm in Foster care its sad at times but mostly amazing all new opportunities

[@kaih4967]

Loool my mums a foster mum and im not gonna lie our house IS like the tracy beaker house with all the different personalities & children and were all one big happy family☺️❤️❤️

[@me-ig3xi]

love this video

[@corriejo3655]

Not adopted but raised my my grandma because my mother wasn’t capable and my dad wasn’t willing. When I was 9 my mother died so I can relate to the invasive questions. “Where’s your mom and dad?” “How did she die” “do you want to know your dad?” Etc

[@Harajukubarbie333]

I only know these things because my mom was a social worker for 19 years before she found her true passion

[@abigailamundsen2191]

I myself have not been in care but I was raised in an abusive home and always prayed to be taken away, I know that sound bad but it is the truth. I think when I get the chance I will adopt a child or two. I want them to feel safe and loved. I know the feeling of not being wanted so those are the ones I would want to take in, the "undesirables".

[@CravingSolitude]

Things not to say to people who don’t want children.

[@getmotivated1707]

That's a good one! I never say anything about it because you never know if it's a personal choice or if it's circumstances that have caused the situation to be like that. It's too personal to ask about, yet we all go around asking about people's kids all the time. It's a strange one. It's really stupid that society thinks that everyone wants children by default. I mean, we don't even know if the majority of people do, nevermind everyone. Not having any should be the default, and choosing to have them should get a thing. "Choosing not to" is just a weird way to look at it imo, you aren't opting out of some set stage of life, you just aren't opting in lol. Shouldn't be anything weird about it, I feel weird when people tell me, it's like I'm not expecting you to, so nobody should be asking about it past "no, I'm not having any."

[@CravingSolitude]

get motivated I’m choosing not to have kids because I got better things to do with my life and having kids would stop me. But I get people telling me I’m selfish, I’ll regret it, it’s my duty to have kids etc

[@potmki6601]

We all should be grateful to our parents

[@jamie6506]

Some people just don't understand that the family you choose is so much more powerful and special than the family you’re born into. Of course, these often overlap, but it should also expand over the years. There are people out there who aren’t related to you at all and have no obligation to support you in life, but they do anyway without inhibition and there are few things more beautiful than that. Some people can’t understand that, and I feel sorry for them. They’ll never know love that is free and loves for the sake of loving, not because of blood ties and obligation. Any relationship in which there is love is as good as family, and a family without love is just an unfortunate gathering of genes. So don’t come after people whose parents chose to love them without cause when you can only experience superficial love yourself.

[@TigerPrawn_]

One of my favourite quotes is "Family need not be define by those with whom you share your blood, but by those for whom you would give your blood"

[@momohead2798]

First let me start off by saying that this video made me extremely depressed because I am adopted and the questions that was being asked are questions I think about like “why don’t my parents love me”? Why couldn’t I stay? Was I that bad you had to give me away? And the one question that really hurts is if my mother didn’t want me what makes you think anyone else would or care about me? I just count the minutes until others will give up one me, it’s just a matter of time until they will.

[@daygober2240]

I can relate to this so much (I was in foster care for 2 years)

[@yusufxa2414]

I remember always getting "you don't like your in care" or "you don't seem like a kid in care"

[@TigerPrawn_]

I really recommend Lem Sissay's recent C4 documentary about kids in care and writing poetry called "Breaking away from Care"

[@rachela8941]

I knew Tracy beaker was gonna be mentioned 😂😂

[@jacobsan7345]

Family come in all shape and sizes

[@LetsChatGrace]

0:06 hahaha brilliant response

[@britt7811]

I thought it meant care as in looking after elderly or vulnerable people, that would be a good vid tho

[@totally_not_a_witch9897]

I have a friend who's adopted and when ever someone asks "Why did they give you up" she turns around with a serious face and says "They died" and that usually stops the convp

[@hannah-jaimesgold3754]

I relate sooo much🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️

[@saramaleneiversen6643]

You have to do "things not to say to people with ADHD"

[@aplam94]

Sara Malene Iversen I agree I have ADHD

[@teags3559]

Yesssss

[@teags3559]

I have ADHD

[@TMlSOS]

i clicked on this vid bc i didn't know what "in care" meant but i did not regret it. i have an adopted cousin and i would love to adopt when im older and financially and emotionally stable enough. rant time but my adopted cousin (15) is having trouble at her new school now over being adopted bc its a bunch of preppy white kids whove never had a true trouble in their life. my aunt & uncle are trying to find a solution since they moved cities to buy a house a year ago rather than an apartment to have more space for her. they only adopted her 2 years ago so theyre all new to it and the kids at the school all ask those questions and are really mean abt it, and we all know how middle schoolers can be :/ anyways i cant directly relate but i feel for my cousin whos dealing with this rn

[@lmay8269]

I can’t wait to adopt when I’m older.

[@Jovviial]

Can you do "Things not to say to people with anxiety" next please? I think that'll be really cool and something I could relate to

[@1andonlyzara]

They should do one about people who’ve been in inpatient clinics!

[@funmisavage]

At the end of the day, family is not determined by who you share blood with but those who love and care about you as a person.

[@rarepaw9355]

Wow. I'm adopted but it doesn't bug me. I'm sorry it is rough for some people.

[@FARSIKATZ]

I’m adopted, came from a pretty bad family situation. Was taken away at the age of 2 ... can’t say I’ve ever really had any issue with being offended by what people say unless they are REALLY purposely digging... maybe just me though. I typically hate myself anyway though so if anyone’s said anything negative I can’t remember now.. I’d of just laughed and agreed more or less.

[@booknerd4303]

I’m adopted, I’ve had all these questions SO many times!!! It’s annoying and the main thing that annoys me is that thing where people say “Oh, so why didn’t your REAL parents want you?” Uh... it’s none of your business and anyway the reason I personally was adopted was it wasn’t safe for me to stay with my biological mum and by biological dad thought he was too young to take responsibility. Just think before you say potentially hurtful to anyone not just people who are adopted

[@wildshadowstar]

I went to live with my aunt (dad's older sister) and uncle, so I can sympathize with some of these answers.

[@fanofallaroundaudreyandjus544]

I’m adopted and my mom gave me up because she didn’t think she could take care of me so she gave me up and she didn’t want to give me up but she had disorders so she didn’t keep me lucky she is nice and wants to meet me and I will eventually get to meet her. Not all moms give up their kids because they want to sometimes they have to because they are a single mom or they have 1 or more disorders so they can’t take care of you so they give you up so you can have a better life than maybe it not working out living with your real family. Also family isn’t about blood it’s about the people who care about you that’s what family means. You don’t have to be related to someone to be family.