Be a better listener & conversationalist (with examples!)

[@AnaPsychology]

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[@sanecatlady]

Not me crying because the bad example in the skit is literally everything I do 💀 I'm definitely gonna take notes on how to improve and bring it up to my therapist!

[@connorholmes8786]

lol I didn’t even get there yet but just know it’s coming

[@not-you]

Really good advice, I always had problems the other way around: I used to be so focused on the person I was talking with that I often ended up being the only one carrying the conversation while still not giving them any chance to get to know more about myself in the process. I'm working on my confidence to meet in the middle more often, where I am not too insecure to risk the conversation ending just because *I* didn't try everything all the time (because if the other person isn't interested enough in talking to me, I won't be able to change that anyway).

[@AnaPsychology]

I feel that, sometimes I also worry I've overcorrected and become uncomfortable when people ask me about myself

[@dylanrupprecht4031]

I never would have considered tracking before; I def be bringing up the most interesting point TO ME that I heard in the speakers story, instead of going off of the last point. Thanks for the tips!

[@grace.1123]

6:00 I always do this! I've also always felt awkward even asking my friends about their relationships because I worry that it's me overstepping and asking too much. Even with my best friend I barely know anything about his relationship with his partner and it's not that I'm not interested but I don't want to come across as nosy or too invasive. Also, I love how much you guys have been incorporating more skits into your videos; it helps give a tangible comparison rather than just explaining. I think the "bad" skit also helps show (though not the original point you were trying to make haha) how you might use those tactics to get OUT of a conversation you don't want to be in. Great video as always Dr. Ana & hope the move has been seamless for you guys! ♡

[@AnaPsychology]

That's such a good point about getting out of a conversation! and thank you, I'm glad the skits help :)

[@widyakhrisantimontoliang8684]

Depending on whether we like that person or not, I think we can change our response from good skit to bad skit very quickly LOL

[@henryyu4694]

Keep doing more of these conversation tips and how to relate and connect with others better

[@ninakrsnik15]

Can you please make a video about oversharing? I want to know how to stop doing that because I hate myself after every conversation. I was a quiet kid growing up, and when I started to open up to people as a way of connecting I started to overshare. I just don't know how to weigh out what to say and what not to say, and I go on a lot of tangents. Some advice would be useful 🙂

[@haze7972]

I second this request! Where does the urge to emotionally dump come from sometimes?

[@SarahTang2002]

She has a video called “A low-risk technique for gaining intimacy with people” - there’s a PDF in the description too - where she talks about typically appropriate things to share at each level of intimacy, like strangers vs. acquaintances vs. good friends. Might be helpful for you!

[@DianaDolphin689]

The play by play was super helpful for seeing all these insights in practice. Thank u Dr. Ana!❤

[@AnaPsychology]

I'm so glad!

[@AnonymousAssassin7]

It's CRAZY how this video appears at the exact moment I needed it.

[@chrisolson4405]

I always found it better to simply state that you've experienced something similar with key details than in great detail.

[@auntiekamia]

Tysm for this! ❤ I’m autistic and i’ve always struggled with communicating and expressing myself with others and creating relationships with them

[@AkiyuriDesu]

This is incredibly helpful, just like the last one about making active & constructive responses.

[@butterscotchwm]

I don’t know how you always post videos that are super relevant to what’s going on in my life, but whatever witchcraft you’re using keep it up 😂 My new bf and I are both shy, quiet introverts and we both need to work on our conversation skills. But most of the time the problem is we just don’t know how to start. I personally feel like I don’t have much to say to people, and my bf says he relates. Sometimes ppl think we don’t like them bc we’re very low energy and have a hard time matching theirs. But the advice about taking your attention off of yourself and just leaning into your curiosity is something I’ll keep in mind. I’m trying to get over the thought that I’ll be a “bother” if I keep asking ppl about themselves or ask them to hang out…

[@elijahwilensky3318]

1:56 *The idea that any of the functions of "mirror neurons" should be attributed to a class of individual cells rather than neural circuits is a bit dubious, in part because imaging the activity of individual neurons involves stuff that you'd get locked up for if you did it to humans.

[@curseofcontext]

providing context is such a gift 🧡

[@connorholmes8786]

Just used this advice to check on my little brother and mom! Thank you so much for pointing out pitfalls and things we might overlook as well as all the good points. Will definitely frequent this masterpiece

[@Lovingly_Ashley]

I am so glad you posted this! 🎉 I was looking for a video like this one literally last night, but I found it hard to find videos with genuine advice that aren't the typical alpha male videos, or videos that can work for both genders with an emphasis on good, grounded self improvement for the betterment of ourselves AND our relationships. I love this and will definitely purchase the course in the near future.

[@zs9710]

11:02 omg your husband is so goofy with the “hey, is this spot on the floor taken” 🤣🤣

[@xxaavviieerrrrr]

thank you dr. ana!

[@Sasquatch10]

Perfect timing on the video.

[@DarraghMcCarthy]

My current working theory about why people mirror others is that it evokes an egocentricity bias in the other person. We are the centre of our world and those that are compatible with our world are recognised by our emotions as candidates for long-term relationships. We feel a stronger connection, warmth, and justification to invest in the relationship. I think people instinctively camouflage their behaviour to capitalise on this bias. And perhaps one reason it's prevalent is that the opposite is also true; disrespect towards those that are not wanted in our world

[@AM-pleistocene]

I realised watching this I'm not as bad as I thought I was, but the thing I find the most difficult is mirroring, not mirroring really let's down the conversation and I understand why people may have been confused by my intentions.

[@TheCODGUY21]

Dr. Ana, your videos are the best!

[@kitten0331]

This was very eye opening!

[@lizzie404]

Love your skits !!! Your vids are so helpful❤

[@maciejskimm]

Thank you, Ana. This is really helpful.

[@DucksUpDogsDownCatsSlide]

Good luck on your move and thanks for the content.

[@thefreshjc1286]

She went as far as making a skit 😂. Respect 😊

[@moonriversou]

Hello, Ana :) so glad you made this video because after being in a gap year for a year now, I will be starting my Masters in Counselling Psychology in a week from now.

[@gardenia81]

The skit is super helpful! Thank you!

[@mans34]

Thanks Dr. Anna! Love these videos! Something I struggle with when doing some of these things (e.g. mirroring their emotional tone), is that I feel a bit fake or manipulative. How do you do that without feeling like you're not "being yourself"?

[@HannahDavenport-x7x]

This was such good advice! Looking forward to more of this series

[@Frank-ju8qr]

I had just been thinking about wanting to improve on this skill! Thank you for making this video

[@smilesallround]

This was a great video! Loved the skit, it was very helpful. Thanks for sharing 🙌🏿

[@nias3202]

Thank you, really helpful! I wish you a good move.

[@growing.flowers]

But what if you don’t like the person or they’re making you uncomfy… or you suspect they feel that way about you? 😮 Ps. I love the bad example in this video! It comes off as such a typical, casual conversation that’s a little awkward, but Ana’s voiceover really pointed out the little details that are hijacking the convo. I love how it’s a nuanced example! Makes it more relatable than an exaggerated bad convo

[@Bruvvv_itsglacia]

Give an excuse and leave

[@yzftu]

Lit video and channel im happy I found this

[@juancruzmorales6524]

Loved the acting. Really good video

[@DannyBoy443]

This is (of course) if the person is worth listening too lmao.

[@AnaPsychology]

Truee haha

[@Anunnaki4238]

Most people are not worth listening to. Like ill listen and be interested if theyre attractive and I wanna date them but I also just suck at flirting and making connection, yet i still dont get how you make a connection if you're not supposed to relate stories back about yourself. But yeah I find most people are not or if you dont talk about yourself or someone else doesnt speak then theyll keep yapping lol

[@oliverrojas3185]

Thanks, very helpful conversation tips and conversations skits.

[@halfheartdead7149]

love the quirked up kallax

[@haze7972]

Great video as always :)

[@luplaysgeetar]

i would love if you could make a video on derealization/depersonalization or disassociation!!!

[@tanicwhisper0647]

Dang your husbands got a good mic voice 😂 Wasnt expecting that

[@francesbernard2445]

A person who has become isolated for a long time begins to lose the cultural based social skills which are not innate. Unfortunately crooks in organized crime higher up in their organization do have enough social skills to be successful when being manipulative and deceptive.

[@reoxia]

ok???

[@b.a.r.c.l.a.y]

what is bro talking about

[@growing.flowers]

I get what ur saying

[@thejillykilly]

What is the difference between overstepping boundaries and clarifying?

[@Randorandom232]

You became a doctor! 🎉

[@Dimamoksit]

Language is awesome, I'm attempting to juggle German, French because of Amelie, City of Lost Children and Mandarin because I've always been fascinated by China. Why do you like to study Italian?

[@humza890]

I don't like tip 6, which is to talk about the most recent topic instead of the first starting topic. Mainly because my mind may take a little while to process the first original topic, then comes up with questions or responses later on. To not go back means leaving out what I want to say.

[@justinrosado5177]

This channel is up next

[@passwordprotectedd]

W acting

[@AnaPsychology]

Acting is a generous term for what that was

[@uwu384]

​@@AnaPsychologylol, W self-awareness😂 I'm so sorry Ana😂 but that's what made it so fun to watch

[@jasminealiara3257]

I also look forward to more skits.

[@socaligurrl]

Well done, very helpful and insightful. I like the strategy of using the most recent topic to respond to in a long monologue. It would be nice to have a skit on when people out of nowhere give you too much information and what is the best response with their feelings in mind. I dont want to hurt their feelings or totally dismiss them. It such a tricky transition to go from a heavy topic to something light.

[@kingwhalebo4446]

Holy... give me a minute to try this

[@steff420]

nice skits!

[@villainarc9668]

I enjoyed your video, but i have a small disagreement with one tip. What if someone told a fascinating thing in the beginning and ended up telling something banal at the end. And in therapy (I'm not a therapist, correct if im wrong) we go into details mentioned in the beginning if its a major detail. So does that tip where we focus recency over primacy work?

[@SuperSuperspoof]

Did you go to Emory for real? I got my own Ph.D. there

[@ashrunzeda4099]

What to do if the person just dumps everything on you then just leave?

[@crssver4435]

Can you go indepth on mirror neutrons?

[@lui4129]

Totally not in Italy BTW. >_>

[@quinker5944]

Ma'am please explain on the topic "mental health issues"

[@AnaPsychology]

Sorry I'm not sure I understand the question?

[@quinker5944]

@@AnaPsychologyma'am thank you so much anyway

[@Arthur-nr5ci]

The guy's internal monolgue in skit 2: Dude, this girl is SO into me..!

[@nataliedegracia3232]

Ana, if you were single and in your 30s, would u date men 10 years younger (it's only the younger guys that ask out)? If yes, what would you look for in a guy?

[@eniggma9353]

not scripted xd

[@aparthia]

A lot of these how to be a better conversationalist focus on how to listen and let others talk. Rarely do they touch on how and when you can/ should talk and have an actual two way conversation. I think this video fails in this regard too.

[@hazeljust7001]

Because, being a conversationalist is all about being a good listener. You have to master that first.

[@justinrosado5177]

true to a degree

[@kdelka81]

​@hazeljust7001 To me that sounds more like being a good listener. While A good conversationalist goes the next step and knows how to respond in a way that elicits more from the other person. Take her tennis analogy. Let's say you are playing tennis with someone and they never bounce the ball back. They stay in the court and act like they want to play, but ultimately just stand there looking at you. They are NOT a good tennis player. You need someone to bounce the ball back. Like, hey it's great that you say you want to play tennis with me, but when we play, you just stand there looking at me 😅

[@aparthia]

@@hazeljust7001 if everyone listens no one talks. If you're just listening and asking questions, it's not a conversation, it's just a one way communiation. Knowing how, when and what to share is as essential for an actual conversation.

[@reneesun33]

Good advice if the goal is to be good at conversing (it is) but it all seems so forced!!!! Needing to follow a scripted “follow up with honesty and genuine curiosity” i dont have it. I know you’re baiting me so you can talk about yourself and I genuinely don’t care. Or if i do engage its in the, as you call it, “stop talking about yourself and highjacking the conversation”. like?? How is it bad to tell a story abt me that directly correlates to the topics and tone of yours. Ppl don’t do small talk to connect with others, ppl engage in small talk to talk about themselves and if you don’t enable it then somehow YOURE the bad conversationalist and YOURE the weird one. I’m tired.

[@quinker5944]

First person to comment with a question 😢

[@GENERALWACKASS]

Not sure. Other people it’s not good to be in that focused mode.