This is why you're not popular

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In this video, I reflect on what makes a person popular (hint: it's not necessarily the same thing that makes you a good friend), and how to instill more of that trait if your goal is popularity.
Time Stamps:
0:00 Popular people have one thing
2:20 Popular people are fun
4:07 Akiflow!
6:00 How to be more fun
14:57 Popularity does not make you good
15:37 Conclusion
Intro music: Smooth and Cool by Nico Staf
Outro music: Lensko Let’s Go

[@AnaPsychology]

🚀 Take control of your schedule and boost your productivity with time-blocking! Try Akiflow today: bit.ly/ana-3

[@inesc.7621]

Hi, i love you content, can you make a video about what is like for a girl (or even boy), to be diagnosed and live with bordeline/sociopathy? (With both diseases in on person) pls ?

[@HrodnandB]

To an introvert person like myself, this is actually a good reminder why after a certain level of maturity I just intentionally never wanted to become popular. Thank you!

[@punkaakee]

Yes. Next video should be reasons not to be popular.

[@FerroMeow]

"who would you invite to a party" I REALLY don't want to make a party at all, i want to invite a friend to a tea party to talk with about our lives

[@bluebutterfly5062]

Lol same

[@TrevorSnaith-xl8fz]

I never wanted to be popular i just wanted to be accepted by those who cared about me, just a small amount of people.

[@Canoby]

I just can't believe my mother lied to me when she said all the other kids were just jealous of how smart I am. /for real some of the ways parents teach kids to cope sets them up for failure later in life, but hey Ana can discuss this in a far more educated, nuanced, and informed manner than I can

[@sacha_msky]

mothers sometime dont realise how bad for us they can be

[@flores50588]

What advice would you give urself??

[@maiaheiss2991]

@@flores50588I have a feeling she is referring to the advice in the video being the advice that would have been helpful over what her mom said.

[@alo2285]

​@@flores50588 because you just ain't for everyone. You just have to find your own group of friends and appreciate them. Stop worrying about people who aren't thinking about you at the end of the day.

[@12Sanguine]

Or the mother might have believed what she was saying, because she was never popular herself and didn't understand social dynamics well 🤷‍♀️

[@akirashiori6265]

Dr. Ana coming out with bangers lately

[@AnaPsychology]

Glad you like it!

[@chlokey2052]

TRUUUE!!

[@3dnanalrashed723]

​@@AnaPsychologyhi dr ana how are u I hope you fine and I have small question I cannot sleep directly I have to watch many movies until I get tired

[@mariiakondratiuk4729]

My problem is that I want to be more popular, but I hate being fake and having to change my personality, which is why I end up disliked a lot. I can't act confident when I'm really not

[@marmadukescarlet7791]

My issue is groups not accepting the expression of so-called negative emotions and strong opinions.

[@Therealkingk909]

As someone who was voted most popular in my graduating class in college, I gotta agree. You lowkey just kinda nailed my personality for the most part. Outgoing, adventurous, warm, good conversationalist, high energy etc. I’ve always been called the life of the party since high school but no one has ever really broken down what that looks like to other people

[@AnaPsychology]

You sound awesome! I love that you can own your strengths like that

[@Zwitterion17]

Can you clarify how you did it with examples please?

[@Therealkingk909]

@@Zwitterion17 honestly I’ve always been pretty extroverted but i think the big change for me was when i learned about the Big 5 personality traits in freshman year of college. I did some introspection and realized that I wasn’t as open to new experiences as I could be so I adopted a “Yes and” mentality instead of simply saying no. And i feel like that small change is probably the biggest reason why i went to events that i never would have, met new people and made new friends etc. So my best advice is to just stay open to new experiences. Even if you don’t love what you’re doing at least you can say that you gave it a shot and you’ll have a story to tell later if you want.

[@LoveBeliefTruth]

I’m unconfortable with that type of ”high energy” people. But I see what you mean!

[@mikebiff]

why do you think that is?

[@ivylilybasket]

@@mikebiff They're like junk food - loots of calories, little nutrition. Social interactions with them are exhausting and at the end of the day you realize they said nothing of substance just repeated what's already popular even if it's a stereotype or a lie. People get popular by reinforcing other people's beliefs rather than challenging them. They easily slip into shallow "small talk" and avoid anything more meaningful because meaningful has a risk of being controversial.

[@12Sanguine]

I was a very awkward child. Probably would have gotten diagnosed as on the spectrum back then. Couldn't read social cues, never funny, and qas more on the introverted side. But when I started a new school at age 14 I consciously decided to turn up my "charisma" (the way you described it as an interested conversationalist) and high energy, started taking social risks, and was elected school president. By every definition I became very popular - many people admired me, some hated me, but everyone knew me and I was always invited. Can't say that it made me that much happier, but it was an interesting experience. Very well summarised video.

[@koreighlee]

The lip color is so good on you! 🥰

[@AnaPsychology]

Thank you :)

[@ETBrooD]

Wanting to be popular is vanity. Pointless. I remember in high school I immediately "rose up in the ranks" so to speak the moment as I became best friends with a popular guy. It just happened automatically, I didn't have to put any effort into it. Previously I was looked at as a weirdo. He took me under his wings and showed me the ropes, and just being around him all the time made me more popular in the eyes of others. I wasn't any more likeable or unlikeable than before, I wasn't more generous, I wasn't wealthier, nothing really had changed. I did learn a few new mannerisms, but it wasn't anything groundbreaking. The moment that I left that school, most of the kids who previously tried to appeal to me showed literally zero interest in me. It was a really big eye-opener for me. People don't care about personality anywhere near as much as people like to claim they do. They really don't. It's about who you hang out with, not who you are inside or who you pretend to be. My friend had a few severe character flaws. Occasionally he even became violent. But people didn't see that side of him, so he just seemed like "the cool dude". From this lesson I realized that I would never try to be popular. Instead I wanted to learn to become a better person. If that leads to being popular, fine. If not, fine. The goal is to better myself, not to appeal to people. It's a long and difficult road, there's always more to learn. Introspection is not easy.

[@kosm.mp4]

wow, beautifully said.

[@MiguelThinks]

I was just going to say, I feel like there's a lot more nuance lacking in this video. Maybe Ana will do another one to supplement or pivot the message a bit. I just wasn't buying it. I've been in many lively conversations and social gatherings that didn't require bullying, risk-taking, charisma, or any of the "typical" extroverted traits. In fact, I find them annoying. Popularity is subjective I feel.

[@benjamindavis2475]

As she said in the video, being popular encompasses the need for friendship and social acceptance, both of which are critical for survival and not just vanity. Some aspects of popularity are vanity but not all. You don't want to throw out the baby with the bathwater

[@temp229009]

Agreed completely, I was friends with varsity football and bball players as a freshman and I was considered on a different level of popularity than even the prime athletes of my class. They gave me a nickname and everything, and it had zero to do with being fun or cool (i was actually painfully shy). So when they graduated I was very alone and friendless, unpopular and completely lost. Later on in college i was fun and mischievous (aka usually pretty drunk) so was popular, but that all went away into real adulthood. I was lost for awhile. Being the fun guy isn't that important to me anymore, especially if it's just to flow the conversations. There is a time for that but also a time to get deeper. I have also seen some completely unhinged behavior in adulthood from extroverts and it definitely is noticed and people avoid the hell out of them.

[@vacationeyes6430]

The problem is, shallow immature people are better connected than deeper and more mature ones. Introverts should actively seek the company of like-minded individuals and bring them together.

[@trappart9209]

the fact that being introvert and being shallow are opposites in your mind...

[@aleidius192]

Extraverted people tend to be popular, but I think certain types of introversion can also generate social capital. I was very taciturn in high school and I did not have many friends because most of them had graduated by the time I became a sophomore. I was shocked when one of my teachers told me that I was respected by my peers. I think when people see still water they assume depth!

[@AnaPsychology]

Beautifully put!

[@xakloveless]

I’ve never been a “popular kid”. I often found myself playing up being a chameleon in social settings and exhibiting risk-adverse preferences. Over time, I’ve noticed that I now sit squarely in the middle of the social hierarchy in two friend groups and at the bottom of my core group. In the core group, I find it’s because I’m around lots of naturally charismatic people. In the other two groups, it’s because some individuals highly value me while others straight up forget me.

[@gregorykl2317]

so true about the observation that popular people are often cruel ash. I always used to watch how they act and they're literally bullies... I was asking myself, how do people even like those animals? I havent ever felt any kind of emotional pull towards such people, only disgustment. Neither did i undrestand how do they become popular. Maybe it's just me tho. Thanks, Ana!

[@tyleryoast8299]

I think a fun person is someone who, through play, acknowledges the harsh truths we don't want to address in a way that makes them momentarily untrue. It gives everyone permission to let go of their self-consciousness for a little while and just be free in the moment.

[@malazkarar1171]

I'll use that if you don't mind!

[@TrevorSnaith-xl8fz]

Most people can't be high energy for too long.

[@dominikb1284]

I certainly can’t

[@TaMarAaQ]

That makes sense, I used to be the life of the party until I started ADHD meds. It's like I'm a different person now. I am finally able to study and have a life with work and am finally able to hold it all together for the first time in my life, which is amazing. But... All my impulsiveness is gone. I am no longer the enthousiastic friend that randomly asks people out on a tuesday. I am no longer the person that's always in to do something crazy or has the wildest funniest stories. I've seen my friend circle shrink ever since I started these meds and now I finally understand why: I'm less impulsive, I am less fun to be around, I do less interesting things so I have nothing cool to talk about. It all makes sense in the context of this video.

[@claraesteban8727]

oh i hope the good friends stayed! it must have been hard to experience this change

[@mac8124]

this is too relatable. i've been through a very similar experience and actually mentioned this to a coworker this past week which is wild coincidence

[@Poppy-yx8js]

Unfortunately this sounds like many narcissistic people I know. Even psychopaths. Be careful! Fun people at parties are not always narcissistic but sometimes they are!

[@ashleyoasis7948]

i rather be unseen and just live life

[@Moona22]

I think there’s a correlation with wealth and popularity

[@rosamoreno4794]

This gets harder as you get older and wiser and done with peoples bull crap. I will be 47 this month and you get zero desire.

[@mikebiff]

what about in 20 years? we are made for community, most can only go so long..

[@colbykamilah]

Nothing wrong with being popular, it’s great for networking and feeling like you always have friends. However, I find a lot of popular people are shallow. They give lots of compliments and make jokes, and that’s about it. Many of them are also competitive, jealous and insecure. I think it’s great to have a lot of people who think positively about you, and popularity gives people that feeling, I guess.

[@ausrineradiulyte5363]

I think the insecurity comes from them being bad at introspection. They don't understand why they are the way that they are and I think that's incredibly sad.

[@cherrycreeper]

this comes at the right time. as a recently diagnosed autistic girl its cool to see this topic analyzed. sometimes its hard to exist without masking but its good to know other people also struggle...

[@maddyharvey7414]

I was never popular until one summer in my early twenties when I started a new job and purposely made myself be warm, outgoing and allow my naturally funny side come out with confidence. I very quickly gained favour with pretty much everyone there, and shortly after hosted my first ever party. It was a complete 180 from who I normally was, which is a rather introverted person who’s happy to listen and observe others. Unfortunately I think that has led some people to think I’m aloof or shy. It’s amazing how some people just naturally fall into that more extroverted personality. It was only a short stint for me, but it was fun!

[@dakine4238]

Interesting topic. The person I thought isn't the most fun but is put together, confident, and just seems to have it together.

[@AnaPsychology]

Interesting, thanks for sharing!

[@arrowmagnet]

Growing up, I was always known as the fun one and the life of the party. So a lot of what you have pointed out about fun people just being fun, is spot on. Everyone that I met in the past at parties, I have not kept in touch with any of them. I only realized how much I was hiding my true emotions and feelings behind my outgoing personality once I began experiencing anxiety and depression and educating myself about mental health. These days I try to go under the radar with a few exceptions of some old friends, inviting me to their partIes. I’m a bit more mindful of what I share, intentional about Who I meet, and do my best to have meaningful conversations that are not just a small talk.

[@cammichristensen6705]

@AnaPsychology I love all of your videos! Thank you for making them! There is one thing I’d like to add to this discussion. There’s two different types of “popular” people; there’s those who people label as “popular” bc of their dominance, but they are not necessarily liked by most people, and then there’s people who others may not label as “popular” bc they are not dominant, but by definition they are popular bc a lot of people like them bc of their friendliness.

[@maiaheiss2991]

Great point. I was never a “popular kid in school growing up. But I was liked by and was friends with and friendly with the popular kids, and was friends with and friendly with the other kids and the outcast kids. So really that’s more popular than “popular” like you are pointing out.

[@FirePuff12]

LMAO that sponsor transition was 10/10

[@danielbautista7]

There has to be another level of analysis because ‘fun’ is subjective. I think it’s something like dopamine release from making progress towards a goal, and people have different goals, and it’s contingent on their experience, imagination, capacity to think, and the flavor of problems relevant to them. All that goes into what kind of conversation they perceive as ‘fun’ and it’s because there’s an underlying destination-goal pathway represented in the conversation which is triggering dopamine release In other words, when people perceive it as fun, it’s because there’s an aspect of the conversation which makes it game-like and people are interested in different games. So to be fun you have to play the game they’re playing in a figurative sense, consciously or unconsciously

[@claraesteban8727]

im an introvert reading the comments and i see a lot of introverts here not wantimg to be popular. I guess extroverts are not watching this so much as us because of the social pressure to be popular 😅

[@kasroa]

"I want you to think about social groups to which you belong" Well....guess it's about time I hit the old track...

[@fluffedsquirrel]

This is so in bedded into American culture, that I feel like this video only or mainly applies to Americans. Other cultures value different characteristics such as being humble and honest etc and someone who is regarded as highly popular in the USA would be regarded as obnoxious in other places.

[@thesevenkingswelove9554]

Nope its not, maybe touch grass in other countries but people like in even in Asian countries are liked. Gyarus, "backbenchers" etc are liked a lot 😂

[@AnHourOfWolves]

Is it just me, or does that room have an abnormally high number of doors?

[@lovestheworld]

can you do the opposite side next please? I struggle with making personal relations with people

[@AnaPsychology]

Check out my video titled "a low-risk way to get intimacy" if you haven't already!

[@lovestheworld]

@@AnaPsychology thanks pooks will do

[@huhhuhhuh4069]

I have a face best suited for radio + introversion + socially awkward. That's why!

[@kylablomquist]

I'm only able to act extroverted and "fun" when I'm around a bunch of other introverts, but my partner and all of his friends are wild extroverts, most of which don't know how to "turn off". My personality is reprieve for my partner from all the wild personalities, but I hate feeling like I'm no "fun", and it's always bothered me. But it's so difficult for me to interact with that group of people. I don't know how to talk to them, let alone be loud, risk taking, and initiate into things. :/

[@LifeisaBeautifulting]

There were some good points in the video, such as being more attentive in conversations and knowing what to say to help conversations flow. But I also think people should just be who they are. Some people are naturally fun, high energy and likeable that's great -- that doesn't mean we should all try to make ourselves be that way. If everyone was popular no one would be. It's better to just accept ourselves and embrace our natural strengths, even if that means we we're less "fun" to most people. If you have to work hard to be popular, maybe you aren't supposed to be. There's nothing wrong with wanting depth and not being the life of the party

[@daggerzap]

That segue into the ad was smooth 😉

[@charlie-jd3ls]

before i even start the video the answer is my autism 😂

[@Jae-by3hf]

😂 I thought the same!

[@rishavbanerjee1371]

Yep

[@TheEverGrowingRosey-333]

I don’t know if I ever wanted to be popular, but I know I always wanted connections with people. Oh, & for other kids to stop bullying me growing up. These days I just wish I could find a friend that puts effort into maintaining the friendship at least half as much as I do. I hear this is a problem for most people trying to make friends today. You’re not wrong about popular kids can be cruel, maybe it’s because they may socially get away with bad behavior more often so they don’t have people correcting them enough?

[@brahmanwithin6623]

Popularity is based on what is defined as desirable. What is popularity? When others think of you? I think the biggest problem is small social systems and social consciousness. In the big world, nothing matters, just how good of a person you are and how valuable you are to your society.

[@ninacael]

that party exercise FLOORED me! this is such a valuable perspective!

[@MyraMabry]

Awesome video Dr. Ana! Thank you for the advice. This video was so helpful

[@nexithedestroyer]

This video is gonna be helpful for me as someone who really struggles socially. I’m not talkative, not because I don’t want to talk to people, but because I don’t really have those skills to initiate or maintain conversation. It can be stressful when you don’t know how to do that especially at work 😢 Also your makeup looks beautiful (as always)

[@iovolic]

your videos fit a very insightful and educational niche that I didn't know I needed until I found your channel. keep it up with the sorts of content you've been putting out recently bc it's been fire

[@annwan10]

i wonder how attractiveness and overall social status plays in popularity

[@katarina6724]

Very valuable information. Thank you.

[@riccardodelloste2949]

The part about being a better conversationalist makes a lot of sense. I would say that both options can be applied to different contexts. The more superficial back-and-forth is perfect for first encounters, casual conversations, networking, etc. While the more intimate ones are good when you feel you have an actual connection with the other person, and you'd like to get know them better. I think it is good to master both of them But hey, great video! You made me realise I am actually much more popular than I previously realised. A lot of my friends became friends with each other thanks to me connecting them or make them going deeper in their relationships. That is something I am really proud of

[@mattmichaels5195]

Wow! Great info! You're fantastic.

[@westwoodcam]

this video hit me at the perfect time..... thank you

[@BlackBat808]

Great concise video! Just wanted to say I’ve been a longtime viewer of this channel & I am so happy to see it grow ❤ you have worked hard & continue to try new things which is viewers have enjoyed watching & engaging with. Love x

[@darkphoenix7342]

I think it's okay not to be popular. I was never a popular kid and I probably never will be popular as an adult, but I'm trying to find people like me to make friends with. I think unpopular people have their strengths too. We might not be the funniest, or the most charismatic, but we can still have good friendships and relationships with those few people we are close to. Some of the kindest people I know used to be bullied in school, because they were different in some way. So they learned to accept other people for who they are, because they don't want other people to go through the same thing they had to. Of course not all unpopular people are like that, some people are unpopular for a reason. But if I had to choose between two people I would probably approach the one who is unpopular, cause I think I would have a bigger chance to find someone who is like me and accepts me for who I am. That's my unpopular opinion. 😅

[@josevigil4233]

What a great video! In my experience, I can and have been both. A few years ago, I used to be the fun type of person, usually as a way to cope with anxiety and a way to gain people's approval. So I would be high energy and loud and make a lot of jokes, only if I felt my energy was reciprocated. Now I feel more authentic being quiet and deep. I prefer to be option number 1 like you, Ana. But, sometimes I miss being the life of the party. So, a good balance between fun and deepness should make the charm. And it's true, you feel grounding and calming when you speak. I can also see your inside being more anxious and chaotic. We can reflect on the jungian lessons about the polarities. Anyway, I love your videos!

[@Aspen_Sharon]

En esto de ser popular la apariencia física juega un papel muy importante. Si físicamente eres atractivo la gente querrá conocerte empezaran a pensar que debes ser una persona muy agradable, que eres buena persona etc.. es decir la belleza causa que las personas piensen cosas buenas sobre tí. Si por el contrario no eres nada atractivo te sera mas difícil la vida en general para relacionarte mucha gente ni siquiera te dará la oportunidad de que te conozcan pues asociarán malas virtudes a tu aspecto físico. Pensaran que ers mala persona aunque seas un gran ser humano simplemente porque tu apariencia la relacionan con ser mala persona como se suele decir en mi país ser guapo es jugar la vida en modo fácil te ayuda en muchas cosas. Ser popular va miy ligado a tu atractivo. ¿Puedes ser popular sin ser muy apuesto? Si es posible pero te sera mas difícil pues ya de entrada deberás romper la primera barrera que es que te den la oportunidad de acercarte y no te rechasen además cualquier error tuyo es excusa para alejarsen de ti permanentemente. Disculpa por escribir en español llevo mas de 2 años estudiando el inglés pero aún se me dificulta la escritura. Muchas gracias por tus vídeos me gustan mucho los temas que hablas en el canal . Muchas bendiciones 🌹

[@Socsob]

I’m curious about your understanding of “the magic” in the moment is. I’ve seen you touch on “do you want to be right, or happy?” I think there is something to be said about focusing on the energy of the current moment and keeping things flowing rather than inserting unmatching energy that disrupts. I think the most charismatic people are able to be in tune with the moment and act accordingly as the night changes, not just say the “fun” thing. But maybe that person is more admired than considered popular

[@LoveBeliefTruth]

Thinking I give a party to certain groups makes me feel super uncomfortable 😢 This is good exercise to really understand why are my people

[@HospitalForSouls.X]

I went to a rich kid high school that was EXTREMELY divided by popularity….the one thing the “it kids” always had was confidence. Just pure, unadulterated confidence. They could go into any classroom and just speak directly to anybody with no qualms or fears. I still remember to this day, being in a classroom and watching the popular guys interact. They’d speak up to give answers first, talk to EVERYONE, joke with the teacher. I just remember sitting there like, “man I wish I could talk to people like this.” I experienced popularity for the first time in my life as of last year. I moved to a small town where everyone knew each other and I stuck out like a sore thumb, being a city girl. They treated me like a celebrity and I found out that everybody wanted to know who I was, just because they saw me sitting on the same bench every day. By this time in my life, I’m a lot better with public speaking and confidence, so that’s what kept me in the public eye. I took selfies with people, walked around town with some very forward outfits (fashion/glam), talked to everybody like they were my friends forever, and was kind to everyone I met. When you can look people in the eye and treat everyone like family, you become a crowd favorite. It’s not even about whether or not you dress in what’s “in” at the moment. I stood out.

[@eeqyl]

dr. Ana, please make a video on depression & anxiety! Would love to hear your thoughts and advices.

[@Ray.Salinas.Celedon]

Ive never been one to aim for popularity. However, over the years I learned about not oversharing or getting too intimate in social gatherings or parties. I suppose its boundaries and reciprocity. If someone asks or shows interest in wanting to know more Ill gladly share 😂

[@joelreuben7865]

Well well well if it isn't my favourite psychologist with the exact right video I can relate to everytime I open the KZbin app

[@shybard]

I hate parties, so I can't think of anyone that I would want to have there.

[@Sor9ry426]

Yourself 🤘🏻☻️

[@Melody-jc5hk]

Hey Ana, could you make a video about how to be less inhibited in social situations? in regards to all aspects like showing your personality, sharing your thoughts etc.

[@moonriversou]

10:10 I truly am so like you, I'm shocked. I don't mind when people trauma dump on me either, nor do I mind when conversations turn deep really quickly. Often, I run into the problem of not knowing when to not be deep because yes, some people are like that where they don't talk too much about themselves or rather listening to people talk about deep things. Birds of a feather flock together, I suppose.

[@princesseuphemia1007]

I really liked the thought experiment at the end with both options for opening a conversation because personally I liked both of them but I also prefer Option 1. As for trauma dumping most of the time I also enjoy being 'trauma dumped' on because deep conversations are way more interesting to me than surface level ones. Most of what people call 'trauma dumping' isn't genuine trauma dumping it's just people being genuine and open with their thoughts. However even for those of us who prefer deep, heavy conversations I think there is a genuine version of 'trauma dumping' we find ourselves trapped in conversation with and that's when the other person only wants to talk about themselves and doesn't let us take turns. Those conversations do turn me off but otherwise it's totally fine to just get right into the deep, often dark stuff straightaway.

[@Poodle_Gun]

I think popularity is important in terms of finding a way to promote yourself in life. For example: job networking, finding a spouse, et cetera.

[@darkmessiah8087]

Hello, Everyone, thank you Ana for this video ! I just wanted to add something I find important, because I feel like everyone can be funny to a certain extend when you know them but, being a good talker can be a serious issue for most folks. Personally I use to very funny buy a terrible speaker, always thinking about what he had to say which undermine my mood and my humor. My advise to overcome the "no topic to to talk" would be to watch documentaries with long length (about any topicq for which you would find interest psychology, sociology, biology, etc...), it really provides me much topics to discuss about. You can also watch Channels like ana's with a very informational approach. But avoid just watching short contents or just watching news, cause they provide just too short informations, nothing to discuss about deeply. You can plan some topics to discuss before an event or a meeting in order to prevent yourself from "nothing to Say issue". It really has helped me to solve a problem I struggle with from childhood until the outset of my adulthood

[@cookiemonsterrr5116]

You look amazing ❤

[@nathalyalima7213]

Great video

[@coollary1]

Conversations are like the 🌊 ocean Some enjoy deep diving Others wanna just ride the wave It takes a few minutes of listening to see what method someone likes. If they like the back and forth of talking then they’re a surfer. If they place small bids to connect deeper by saying something a little out there or a lot out there then they’re a diver.

[@lilypond369]

Such a nice association! I will use it onward🏄‍♀️🌊

[@lemsip207]

Only in the USA can school students have control over who shares a table with them in the canteen. In French schools students are expected to sit at the nearest table with vacant chairs and fill up those tables from the windows. In one school in London students are assigned to lunch groups by the staff to mix up ages and ethnic backgrounds deliberately and have to sit with that group every lunchtime.

[@ember661]

as someone who focused on getting more popular from 8th - 11th grade this is rlly accurate, like all of it (tho i agree with liking trauma dumping) it ended up changing my mbti from infp-t to enfp-t, but maybe i was naturally ambiverted from the beginning note: i have also noticed my empathy go down too, i thought it was my negative experiences with ppl that jaded/desensitized me but i feel like becoming more extroverted has a role in it ive been trying to find a balance where i listen more than talk and yadayada

[@the.masked.one.studio4899]

😬 My face when you describe the “fun” person 🤣😂🤣

[@socaligurrl]

Can you make a video on how not feel affected when people trauma dump. Especially when u love that person! How do I manage my feelings of what they are feeling as if I'm experiencing it, too? As I age, it gets better for me to regulate my emotions by understanding perceptions and perspectives are different playing fields and need to first be considered, as well as there are two sides to a story. Which does help a high spike of overwhelming emotion. Becoming curious like a detective Even so, I would like to have a formula or guide map. Mostly, my energy afterward is so low that I feel sad and cry. I am a magnet for people to tell me everything that I could never imagine on my own. I feel like a priest in a confession booth. I understand people need to talk, and when I'm strong, I can handle it. But peoples' experiences are often more than I can handle or am even prepared for. Especially when it comes to childhood experiences of molestation. It sickens my soul, and I have no idea how to help these people. I always find it absurd when afterwards the person takes me on tour guide of their personal hell and I'm just in shock because it ALWAYS comes out of nowhere like a car ride where I have no choice to leave and often I'm just jaw drop stunned from the movie that's playing in my minds eye. And in the end, they go laughing and have fun once we arrive at our destination, and I'm sitting in the corner trying to process what the heck just happened!!!!! I'm at the point where I have to plan social events strategically, so I'm not alone with just one person. I feel better in groups because that is usually when people want to show off their best self. I just don't know how to process other people's trauma and go on living life as if I just didn't experience the worst of humanity. It takes a toll on me. I had a stepmother who trauma dumped on me at the 12 years old. By far one the worst possible human experiences I have ever encountered, on top of that, she was, I'm pretty sure, is mentally ill. I was so distraught for decades, and till this day, it haunts me. I know without a doubt my life would have been completely different if I hadn't had to hear her stories and try to be her moral compass to navigate her life throughout the years of my younger self. Yet, I'm still grateful for this odd life, and I'm grateful I never had to actually go through the experiences directly. 🙏

[@Girlwithapurse03]

This is best content on this

[@lalakuma9]

Very interesting 🤔 I have been both socially excluded and popular within different social groups. In high school and college I was definitely unpopular, but I went to a summer program abroad during college, and suddenly I was quite popular among the study abroad students. I don't think they're necessarily more accepting people, because I noticed that they shut down another girl who was kind of awkward in group conversations, and that is a position I've often been in. This always made me wonder why the different groups of people treated me differently. I'm a lot older now, and I feel like I still experience both situations when I meet new random people. I guess the popularity traits in this video that I have are mainly humor and charisma/warmth, so perhaps some groups of people just don't get my brand of humor. And I think popularity is something that gains momentum. If you're in a new social group and 1 person likes you based on a first impression, the rest of the group has a tendency to follow that 1st (and 2nd, 3rd) person because you've gained their "referral". But I never understand why some people gained popularity from being very risk-taking. I mostly find these actions... uninteresting. I don't understand how those videos of people hanging off a cliff or doing MTV Jackass-like stunts are popular.

[@Innernoor]

I definitely said my best friend haha

[@dz4265]

I dont care to be popular anymore

[@Doit4mojo]

Such a great video I also think the reason why introverts wouldn’t choose opt.2 is bc they don’t wanna be seen as they’re flipping or making the conversation on them

[@laureanooliva7836]

Or maybe you could say something like "Oh you are a therapist, you don't seem that insane for being a shrink". But some people might get angry or annoyed. If you say it with a smile and clearly without bad intentions it might be funny and playful. I really like that kind of interactions, but I understand not everyone likes that type of humor so you should be carful if the other person is being receptive to it or not. It would be pretty funny, if the therapists answers "you seem like you need a lot of therapy".

[@yudollia]

The secret is and always has been: SELF AWARENESS! the ability to see yourself as others might

[@Thornton523]

I would bring you into the party Ana. I would bring all the introverts along and we can be awkward together.

[@theunknown8203]

I prefer not to have or be a part of a party. When I'm by myself, I don't have to deal with any drama. I can focus on my self-improvement. You can't really do that when your friends are trying to get you to join them in a little gossip.

[@OpusMixtum]

Growing up I was an extrovert who was awkward, unpopular, and felt pressure to shut up. I spoke off the cuff a lot because if I thought too hard I'd never say anything. I'm realizing that a number of my friendships and romantic relationships were with introverts where I got to be the fun one. I don't know that that's essentially bad - it's good to be able to complement one another -but it's been helpful to become aware of it as some of these relationships turned out to be toxic, with "fun" me turning in the "chaotic" or "needy" or "unserious" me.

[@OpusMixtum]

My happy place is doing neurodivergent monologue exchanges with other neurodivergent people.

[@krembryle]

1:29 this line gave me a traumatic flashback of the Coleen Ballinger apology video

[@SigMaQuint]

Sooner or later this affects our needs.

[@Infinitesimal-ho7it]

Sounds exhausting. I think I would be content with having a handful of close friends (within a community).

[@Bluntgirly]

I've always been popular so this is really interesting.. going to watch Update: I naturally do all of these things. (people have described me as all of these) But I wasn't the mean/bullying/cruel popular type.

[@timhorton7420]

So basically extroverts are superior to introverts?

[@ashleyoasis7948]

alcoholics

[@malazkarar1171]

It's more like extroverts intuitively execute these popularity traits. That doesn't mean an introvert doesn't execute them. I think the idea of the vivacious introvert isn't mainstream but it does exist!

[@philipholding]

' Trauma dump'. Love it. Anyway. Have you ever encountered a person with clinically diagnosed NPD. Then you may agree, superficially, they are the star of the party. Full of charisma and fun. Lovely person. Then ( hopefully),the penny starts to drop.

[@musicbrazilian7065]

Anna your new hair style makes you look like Josephine Baker.

[@AnaPsychology]

Had to look up who that is! You know it's a *really* bad hair day when I opt for a low bun 😂

[@musicbrazilian7065]

@@AnaPsychology This new hair style made you look elegante and more serious while your long hair to me it seens more playful.

[@paulgee7439]

I prefer to be alone but im constantly walking around the house annoying my amazing wife and kids my feet get so sore each night

[@paulgee7439]

My energy i too much for most people

[@lisatejada9748]

My theory it's difficult to be the most popular person and to a be great friend to many at the same time. Extroverted people are good a starting the party. But can have a hard time making connections

[@wolfgar45]

Desperation offends people

[@elleszabo8655]

great content but WHAT is that lip color

[@irrelevanttwat]

Please do an interview with Dr K

[@elleszabo8655]

yes!

[@datguy6101]

That would be awesome!

[@cynthiaperez259]

Yeess please

[@Amazology]

We're inviting the fun person to the party to be a some kind of entertainment like a clown ? Ugh This is a great and informative video though

[@reenujose4937]

I dont care about being popular.