Be the Useful Person at a Funeral

Watch the full video - • 2017 Personality 22: C...
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#JordanPeterson #JordanBPeterson #DrJordanPeterson #DrJordanBPeterson #DailyWirePlus #tragedy #monster #funeral #psychology #selfhelp

[@MaskHysteria]

When my ex's father passed I appointed myself "coordinator". I collected phone numbers, set up an online site and posted maps and times to the mortuary, church and cemetery, listed nearby hotels, coordinated a rate with one of the hotels, and even volunteered transportation to anyone who wanted to attend any of the events and was in regular communication with everyone, all so my ex and her family could focus on arrangements and grieving. I did my absolute best to be the most useful person there. The amount of appreciation I received was immeasurable.

[@godiegolem]

You're a wonderful person for that act and I'm glad people showed you the proper appreciation for it. Even if someone else would have done it, you took that massive amount of work out of the hands of his family on the worst day. I admire you.

[@kashifshehzad2328]

Thank you very much for such a great selfless humane act. Appreciate it. Please don't let devil or bad people and even bad attitude of good people snatch such a gem from you.

[@deartolaphx]

I hope you live a long and happy life what a selfless act 💙💙🥹

[@hotcarrots3192]

My father always tried to get me to write more by saying it had something special. He passed last year just before I turned 25. For his funeral I wrote a speech. After my speech many attendees came to me and said my speech really helped them during the service. They called my speech something special. Now I know my vocation, but the price was very high and he never got to see me do it. I love you, dad.

[@lilydo6713]

My siblings demanded their share of the inheritance when my dad was admitted to hospital. Both my parents were saddened by their entitlement behaviour. At my dad's funeral they all cried uncontrollably. Which is the opposite to how they acted while he was still alive. I was the only sibling who helped my dad everyday and night at the hospital and then at the nursing home. I did not shed a tear at the funeral as I was too busy organising things and attending to everyone's needs.

[@bounty_hunter101]

With all respect, it seems they had become top reliant on your father’s support, both financially and emotionally. I imagine that it was a difficult time, but the fact that you managed to remain composed is very admirable.

[@Hookythehammer]

I "volunteered" to be the person in charge of the music at a mate's funeral. The person who was meant to do it pulled out the day before so I spent the whole of his funeral on my own, balling my eyes out in a tiny back room with nothing but a CD player, service instructions and a box of tissues. My job was to perfectly time songs to be played at certain points of the service which seemed a daunting task so I stayed up the whole night planning it out so I wouldn't mess it up. I also had to provide the actual music and blank CD to burn it onto which luckily enough I had both of lol. It went perfectly although I was a bit sad I wasn't able to be there in the chapel with the rest of the mourners to say my goodbyes, I was happy to have done my mate and his family some sort of service as a thank you for their friendship. It was a kind of honour as small a job as it was, some of those songs meant alot to me as they were "his" songs. "You'll never walk alone" Matthew.

[@joannebutzerin6448]

My mother's funeral was yesterday. While I wasn't very useful myself, all of my siblings worked hard to make everything work out beautifully, and each person in the entire extended family was a true hero. We all put aside our differences, and the outcome was just what my mother would have wanted. I'm proud of all of them and proud to be a part of our family.

[@amazingjason455]

How much better would we be if we heard Dr. Peterson’s messages at a younger age?

[@Naduvanikengur]

HAHA, so long sucker !

[@thegodfatheram]

A lot

[@kashifshehzad2328]

Correct but we can change ourselves even now if we want to especially in the presence of such a great mentor like Mr Peterson. its our responsibility to improve. Lets do it. Forget the past. Just focus on NOW. You can do it, I can do it, we can do it.

[@twilight74]

A lot are. ❤❤❤

[@silentbob3204]

maybe I wouldn't have the maturity to understand his messages.

[@michaelsamchuk1819]

My girlfriend died in her sleep a few weeks ago. My best friend and the love of my life. We were together for 4 years. In a few hours I’m going to her funeral and have a speech written. Not sure how I’m going to be the “useful person”. Not sure how I’m going to be able to speak. I wake up and scream and cry everyday. Strange this video comes out hours before the funeral

[@Aemery55]

Oh Michael, I'm so sorry.

[@Fred-zt5ky]

May God help you. So sorry.

[@raystrvck222]

Sorry to hear that man.

[@michaelsamchuk1819]

My speech went really good. I’m a white Canadian. She was from Zimbabwe. Was a large African funeral in Canada. Literally the only white guy. Trying to give a speech to like 60 Africans about their daughter. It really did go well. I was a mess for the entire time up to it then pulled it together. I learned something about how crap our culture is. Seeing them singing songs in a different language where everyone knows the words. And how much strength that gave me. It actually made the whole thing not feel empty

[@GavNic71]

How are you doing now? I hope time has helped you heal. @@michaelsamchuk1819

[@volgantifriebus9549]

I don't want to debate people anymore I just want to learn

[@rcost8730]

Ive been feeling this a lot lately. hopefully I can love more. it seems the arguing attitude is keeping me from loving others better

[@mojo9291]

I lost my Mom about six months ago to lung cancer. She was 62. Everything Jordan says here is 100% true and accurate. The wisdom that comes from such experience will make you stand taller afterward. I'm 30, and I wouldn't consider myself a genuinely mature person before having gone through that.

[@FreeSpirit47]

I hope that you will heal & feel better with time. Grieving is good for the soul. Having both of my parents die at a young age, then, my younger sister & brother, had the biggest impact on me. Many more have passed on at a young age, it does change the ones who are still living. Often, for the better.

[@switzerstudio]

I also lost my mom when i was 20 to lung cancer. it shaped me to the person that i am today. it took me 14 years to finally accept it and not have it control my life to much. i wish you the best Mojo.

[@jeremylong6229]

im 32 and currently watching my 62 year old mother struggle with brain cancer. this video really hit home

[@switzerstudio]

@@jeremylong6229 Much love to you and your mom Jeremy.

[@FreeSpirit47]

@@jeremylong6229 Aww. That is so sad. I have often heard people say that the equally hard event is for a parent to have their child die at any age.

[@josephtravers777]

Listening to people is most helpful. Requires self-sacrifice but brings peace. Everyone needs peace.

[@AngelPyra]

Back when my eldest sister died, it came to the part of the funeral where there was a line to shake our hands. Someone else there was saying how sorry for my loss he was and that I was probably grieving more than he was as her friend and coworker. What I said seemed to shatter his composure. "Grief isn't a competition. Grief is grief. We're all here to grieve the same person. You are allowed yours." People are always weirded out how I keep my composure on death. It makes them think I'm heartless at first. Until I say things like, "They loved us right? People don't wish self-imposed misery on their loved ones. Death is easy. Their pain is over. Living is hard. What kind of life do you want them to watch you live? Are they wanting to smack your stupid self upside the head? Or are they cheering for you right now? Give them a life worth watching." So far, I've lost a lot of people. 2 siblings, friends, all my grandparents, an ex, etc. That's why when loved ones deal with death... I'm the 1 they turn to most. I'm not going to sit here and tell them they can't grieve. But I will tell them they can't check out of being alive.

[@Queef_Storm]

mate, are you a writer? That was beautifully said

[@AngelPyra]

@@Queef_Storm Aspiring. So to me that actually is a really good compliment. Thank you. 😊 I get stuck in my writer's block a lot so it's been hard to finish any of the ones I've started. Makes me wonder what the best kind of book for me to write is at times. I will eventually struggle through finishing them. If I didn't leave off on such horrible cliff hangers I would consider publishing them as is. Might end up doing that anyway if I get too stuck to continue. Then see feedback from readers before writing the continuation.

[@meredithlawoffice4758]

Well said.

[@alancortez8350]

"Turns out being a monster is the right thing." is funny how long I have been living as such without ever listening to these words before. To be strong enough to be standing after the storm is passing, but caring enough to be loving and vulnerable when the skies are blue. That's life's most graceful balance.

[@FreeSpirit47]

Again, Dr Peterson is spot on. Many of my immediate family members have passed on as well as in laws. I'm a "helper person" anyway, when I have gone to funerals, I have made a deliberate effort to listen to people, to talk far less than I usually do. I'm a talker, so, it takes real effort to do this. After leaving a funeral, it feels good to have consoled so many, no thought for myself, only for others.

[@JoorJoanna]

I was useful because I needed the distraction. 13 months between my Dad and Mom, it was almost impossible to not fall apart.

[@emmabatan8676]

++ At a funeral, I perceive that almost everyone is grieving…. In different ways and diff degrees……

[@charlsgaard]

Dear Jordan Peterson I’m proud of myself that despite my fathers continuing rejection of me in the last several years of his life and even on his deathbed - a couple of months before his illness I confronted him saying that I found it a tragedy that he was about to end his last days not having any contact with any of his three sons including myself - stepped up on the day and presented myself as my fathers first born to all of the guests (many I didn’t know) and held the first speech which contained of my last deep and sincere correspondance with my father. Thanks for your inspiration. It’s me in the light blue suit (my father loved bright colours and the sun was shining and the whole was held outside in the most beautiful landscape) and in the end before he was driven away I played the song he many years before (before he rejected me) mentioned as his wished for his funeral.

[@donaldfrederick501]

The stress of the "deathbed" I'm fine. It's the aftermath of when the stress is done, when things go back to "normal" I don't handle well. Mostly figured easy to get others through it but once that's done everything is just pure emptiness.

[@FlyinHawaiian808]

How many of us replay these videos how many times bless you Jordan the pops we never had

[@gibby230079]

I unfortunately failed at this miserably at my father’s death. I’ll be stronger at the next one ✊

[@leecaskey2902]

For many years since the death of my mother I've been the "diplomat" of the family. I'm the one everyone can communicate freely with, the one who listens, the one who has proven his mettle though that tragedy and all the ones that followed when my family's unity disintegrated. Only in the last few years while dealing with my aging and ailing father does the rest of my family, especially my siblings, realize just how much I've contributed. Their eyes are being opened as to who I've become and how I honor my mother and father by being the person who does what needs to be done.

[@davidmartin1015]

As a life long farmer and volunteer fireman I have had a long term fascination or interest in chaos. We will all face chaos at some point; it is an inevitable part of being human. The part I choose to dwell on is the process of solving and fixing the chaos and some of the thought processes that we were have been shown in various courses we undertook in the emergency services were of great help in guiding oneself and others out of the chaos step by step. A disciplined order of thinking is a good place to start ; where am I at? Situation awareness, being informed. Then a plan, starting with , what are the courses open to me? What are the courses open to the chaos? Where do I aim to be in one hour from now, in eight hours from now , in twenty four hours etc. Many of us would do these things automatically without thinking too much about it but I believe having an ordered thought process is a better way to approach the problem. It will certainly help off-set the head-in-the-sand , crawl under the Doona response that happens to some people in a crisis.

[@galouttathcity]

When my brother died, I was surprised that his son or none of my older siblings had the courage to give a eulogy. I felt they were putting their own feelings ahead of taking the opportunity to share publicly at an important event the role he played in their life. So I, as the youngest of the 6, did the eulogy and will never have regrets for that. A funeral or memorial is as important an event as any other in a person's life and they deserve to be recognized.

[@FlyinHawaiian808]

Man this had me in tears lost my dad last year 3rd daughter looking at me no fear

[@humility1st]

Thank you for your generous gift of sharing your wisdom on youtube. I am very grateful. Thank you!

[@tmurz795]

These classroom lectures are absolutely my favorite part of your body of work! So much love and respect for you, Dr, P! Thank you!!

[@tomharner83]

His classwork is his best work far and away. This particular lesson is my absolute favorite! The bit about being useful at a funeral may be my most favorite quote of all time. I would love to see him do another college class. Not a stadium tour... An intimate class like this one. I would love to attend.

[@SoloMotivation]

*The future* belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. -Eleanor Roosevelt

[@Livinggud]

This one has always hit me hard

[@KOSHERBLAK]

God is Good I learn so much from you sir. I thank The God of Israel for you and the wisdom he gave you.

[@TheRealStructurer]

So many golden nuggets in this video. Thanks for sharing 👍🏼

[@rachelgee7894]

America would be a lot greater if everyone raised the standard of their problems.

[@volgantifriebus9549]

Mr Peterson please review the teachings of Socrates again

[@bryanminer9110]

My mom had to fly across the country when my grandmother was on her last days. My grandfather decided that while they were going through the divorce and on her death bed was the right time to start drama. She was in a coma. She had made her final wishes morbidly clear. My mom was medical next of kin and had to make all the decisions. When someone is having the worst day of their life can you be the one that helps them stand because it is the right thing to do?

[@letsgobrandon4601]

95% of suffering is decided to exist

[@Phoenix-Brah]

I like those odds

[@cosmicprison9819]

Do you mean by that that the majority of children were sired on purpose? 😁 That is, decided by their parents to exist?

[@MrSaemichlaus]

If you can't sustain somebody else through crisis (which is your social obligation), how can you help yourself in the same way? So it's a good place to start being self-reliable. Then when a crisis hits person A, the social environment can do a lot for Person A, but if Person A doesn't carry some of the load or take the given help, nobody can help them. When you need to evacuate somebody from outdoors who can't walk by themselves, the rescue becomes far more complicated.

[@jaysmith3361]

At a funeral, I found out the disease of alcoholism doesn't die with the alcoholic - it had transferred to the family long before.

[@traceler]

7:06

[@DaniloSantosVieira]

nah imma be the guy asking "whats the wifi password"

[@FlyinHawaiian808]

Only Peterson have u leave to the bathroom for a cry sesh then wipe away tears kids need smiles

[@travisstreeter5092]

Jordan...if you had a set, you would address the real cause....it is our Gov. leadership.

[@mandycote5662]

I was given the privilege of sharing about my dad and I called out all the hypocrites - just speaking the truth of God They never honoured him in his life on earth but they came to pay their respects and my mom- kept giving me ‘the look’ and wasn’t pleased cause I took too long I did for my dad to make things straight and I was directly by God whom I actually believe in- we’ve met and I had one person approach me after the service to give me a message from God I knew it - God works like that

[@mandycote5662]

He’s my Teacher as a born again believer Not man what so ever

[@mandycote5662]

Only the spirit of God- Holy Spirit brings Unity of the Faith

[@mandycote5662]

and no one in their right mind would look forward to an inheritance for that means someone had to die That is the degenerate in man We are to die to self which without there is no inheritance of the kingdom of God Resting in peace are for only those who have made their peace with God thru Jesus and that doesn’t happen without Holy Spirit Jesus Christ is the Prince of Peace👑 PERIOD

[@conservativemovement]

"BE the useful person at a funeral;" this is the Gospel Commission in shorthand. Christian messengers carrying the precious gospel of life are being useful persons at the funeral of rebellious humanity.

[@srcarranza]

Being a monster never is the right thing, for me.

[@travisstreeter5092]

Lots of gov in power makes it no mystery about misery.

[@isabelleveilleux3562]

Find strength in God. That's what helped me stay strong at my father's funeral last Spring.

[@richardlongmore9301]

If the person deceased was a positive influence in your life and a decent person then go to the funeral and do your bit but otherwise don’t wast your time

[@lythnic5536]

I'm having real trouble accepting that you have to be a monster to survive in this world

[@lythnic5536]

Could be that i have a different definition for a monster though

[@darylsabandal6637]

@@lythnic5536 monster for good obviously not a coward

[@steven5054]

Just be more assertive. No need to be a sociopath

[@Doshbuzz]

I said to the widow ‘you’re husband was gross.’ She replied ‘thanks, that means a lot….’

[@elinope4745]

I sure wish this could be transmitted this to the past. A lot of wretched people made the world a lot worse for everyone else. This message is needed for so many freedom hating puritans.

[@MrGobsmack]

poor mr. p. can't seem to take his own advice.

[@user-wj3yr7xr2f]

Learning that being a monster is the right thing, was a long and painful process. That ended with me cutting cords with my own mother. I find that women get shamed when we embrace our inner monster. Society needs us to love unconditionally. Just look at the US legislating against abortion. I have done an abortion. It felt like murder and it was an extreme grief. But it was the right thing to do. Women need to be aloud to be the monster if we are going to have a sane society.

[@bv32ification]

What happens when everyone at the funeral is the “useful person?” It’s so funny that Jordan cannot see his own postmodern tendencies

[@nate3563]

If everyone was competent and found their use then it would go very smoothly and produce the least amount of suffering ?

[@bv32ification]

@@nate3563 the entire funeral would just be a meme a kin to the movie American psycho because it is nothing more than an opportunity for everyone to flex their mental strength by helping others even though no one needs it which was the point of the funeral in the first place. Contrived is the postmodern condition. If you’re able to maintain perspective through different life situations, great. But don’t be that guy who feels the need to let everyone know by trying to help them. But also, it’s possible to mourn while keeping perspective - just don’t internalize things

[@steven5054]

What happens if a family member went on a benzo binge and left everyone else to pick up the pieces?

[@nate3563]

@@bv32ification so what, no one should be the strong person at the funeral? JBP is not saying to go virtue signal. And it certainly isn't everyone's place to take a lead role at a funeral. If you were not close then show up, pay your respects, and leave. That is the best thing you can do in that case. If you're direct family, however, you're more likely to be torn to pieces by your loss. But instead of letting the situation cripple you, forcing your sibling to pick up the slack, you can make it more bearable for everyone if you found some way to contribute.

[@geneticsmatter3834]

What if the funeral was caused by a lone hpsnc enacting his "rich and vibrant culture" on an unsuspecting little girl? No, tell me more Jordan about how it doesn't matter whether or not our country becomes majority-hspnc.

[@junglemom1263]

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's not because he was HSPNC it's because he was a sick and twisted person, and they exist in every race/culrure. 🙏🏻💛

[@lostbuthopefull8788]

Hpsnc - high speed plastic network consortium? That's what Google tells me about this acronym. What is going on here, what do you mean and to which Peterson's words are you referring to?

[@geneticsmatter3834]

@@lostbuthopefull8788 You know very well what I mean by HSPNC and their "rich and vibrant culture". Peterson regularly pretends like rayce doesn't matter and if a country is 90% Nigerian or 90% Japanese what's the difference?