Be there for your child, listen and never shout | Páll Ólafsson | TEDxReykjavik

Páll has a clear message for parents: Let’s stop shouting at our children. We need to see them and hear them.
Páll Ólafsson is a husband, father of five children and also a grandfather. He is a social worker and has worked in child protection. Currently, he works at the Governmental Agency of Child Protection in Iceland. Among other fields, he studied Restitution from Diane Gossen, Judy Anderson and others - their way of thinking and behaving inspired him and his family's lifestyle.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx

[@marianamunoz6075]

10% the words we speak. 35% the tone we use. 55% our body language! Wow! The unspoken words!

[@edwardsfactory]

I’m one guilty parent. I thank God to let me stumble in this video in the middle of the night to make realize how it is a must for me to change so my children can change. I’ve known these principles all along but was stubborn to apply them and just resort to my own emotions.

[@SofozMc]

Everyone is guilty one way or another 😉

[@al3yoonalsood38]

I can also relate and many parents to but they are afraid of being wrong.

[@dezavlog]

as long as you can recognized and work on not be the best but at least try to do your best to change...you will be making changes and keep moving forward fr the better version of you as a parent. Don't fight about anything else but to be a better person that you were yesterday.

[@Jenn-ye9cx]

We are all guilty …the important thing is to admit be able to admit to are self’s and also to the child!

[@blackvikingthrone]

The worst parents are those who don’t realise they have a problem with parenting. The ones who don’t think they need to change. At least if you recognise your mistakes and you care enough to fix them you are on the right path and your child will thank you for it eventually. It’s too late for me to have a decent fulfilled relationship with my parents due to too many broken promises and shattered expectations but I work every day towards being a loving, caring and patient father to my son.

[@lakeishajohnson9820]

So true

[@filipinoamericanhomeschool5446]

"See mama? He has good advice," said the 6 year old. She's right. ♥️

[@vidyak5377]

So true...the same cycle..shouting, hitting...apologizing..and no learning at all.

[@awfully.average]

i want to add also , as loving parents, we too make mistakes we too lose our patience . we are human . so if you did screamed and shouted at your child before, seek forgiveness from them and from yourself. learn from our mistakes and be better next time . finally children too are resilient and would soon forget .

[@Barriekidz]

Children don't forget but perhaps forgive

[@sharkey6746]

Ha! While I was watching this video my mom banged on my door and yelled at me for no reason :) She always talks about becoming a better mom (maybe it helps her conscience knowing she talked to me about it?) and she reads all these books and listens to all these podcasts but in the end she never changes. She still starts my morning off with yelling, then as soon as I see her after school she finds something to yell at me for then just before I go to sleep she most of the time finds something to yell about and/or she’s always talking to me about financial stuff or complaining about something. Then if I point out something wrong once in a while she guilt trips me

[@forpeace8375]

Don’t hit your child don’t raise your voice your child listen to your child Talk to your child build that most needed loving atmosphere Create better people and good happy stable future

[@nanije1]

Please..,.,don’t make them ,on an happy life Birth + death =PEACE

[@thisisbob1001]

You will never be a perfect parent but you can try and make small improvements each day by listening to vids like these. Just keep at it 😉

[@bakhytgul4457]

Yeah. Let's be strong, let's be wise..

[@zuzanaxyz8866]

Beautifully said, thank you for helping children by helping their parents and other adults realize, that what’s “wrong” with the kids is usually a problem of the adults… And the good thing is, it’s changable…

[@irenehaleem5556]

Amazing I wanna cry, I sometimes neglect my son because of too many household chores. But this is an awakening for me. Thank you 🙏🏼

[@shahirah4239]

Improve everyday. 👍 All the best mama💪

[@vvicente85]

Don't be too hard on yourself. Involve your son in one of your household chores and turn it into bonding time.

[@thriftyacorns3545]

I just came across this now and it’s a great reminder!! As a single Mom of three children who are always fighting, I’m so often overwhelmed that I forget to take that time, might fight or flight kicks in too! Thank you for helping me pause and breathe and listen.

[@MikeyDL69]

Love this guy’s accent.

[@neelamsaklani1335]

I WISH EVERY PARENT CAN HAVE THIS LEVEL OF UNDERSTANDING WHILE RAISING THEIR CHILD. MOST OF THE TIME PARENTS DO NOT HAVE TIME TO LISTEN TO THEIR CHILDREN WHICH IS SAD REALITY OF THE WORLD.

[@droy589]

Awesome speech!....... thank you so much. I am a parent and I sometimes do so, I know my kid is hurt, and I promise myself not to repeat it again, but again I repeat. I will listen to my kid.... I will

[@superbitch1975]

I love this guy!!! I wish I had heard him years ago,my kids have grown up and moved away but if I have any grandchildren I'm so going to this!!! This guy really made sense!!

[@sidneyboo9704]

Wow "They can't google feelings". So true. LISTEN PARENTS. This guy has good advice to raise a well rounded person. These advice is the foundation to have a child that will have a healthy relationship with everyone around them.

[@jbirdperez6003]

standing ovation .. clap, clap , clap clap,clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap.

[@fdameron]

When my children were young and approaching the "terrible twos," I decided to change my perception of it. I called it the "transitional twos," because that is what they are going through. I have to admit that I never found the twos to be terrible because of it. As a result My kids didn't really throw any temper tantrums. And when they were teens, they didn't rebel.

[@huntermichael5086]

I wish my mom could see this video. I don’t care how much she says she loves me if she just hurts me all the time - meaning to or not. Eventually you don’t care whether they meant what they said or not - the fact is that it was said and it hurts. The most offensive thing to me is when she apologizes for something and then acts like it never happened, getting mad when I mention it (and not to use against her). I don’t want to apologize to a guilt trip, either. I feel like there are things parents really don’t understand, considering half the time I actually talk to my mom or she talks (or yells) at me about something, when I share my point of view and opinions, they are either ridiculous or she says she just doesn’t understand (in a pretty mean way, as if she had just as well said that I was wrong). I wish people had more faith in teenagers. Maybe we don’t want to do anything because no one thinks we will or that we can even be agreeable. If I do anything around the house my parents say it’s a miracle. I assure you, God’s done a lot things for me but one of them is not shoving me down the stairs to do the dishes. That was my choice, though He gave me the desire to do the right things, and I’ve never done it again. It’s too humiliating. I understand that I am the problem, but I’m pretty sure I also understand SOME things that my parents do not. And one of them is what my mom says and what she does do not match up or make sense at all. And I don’t want to be anything like my parents. So what do you do when you don’t want to even do what they do - though that can end up being inevitable because you live with them? You shut yourself out even more and feel alone because you know that even though it is said you are welcome, what you have to say is not. She’ll tell me to tell her whats wrong - but it has to be the right answer. If that answer has to do with HER... She’s so defensive. Everything’s a war. When I talk, I’m just trying to get through the problem, so I state things plainly. No one wants to work WITH me though. Everyone else only wants to prove that they are right. But I know I’m wrong from the get-go. I thought that would help. It only doubles my guilt when she accuses me.

[@hazelpetersen172]

am so sorry Emily

[@ammarabatool9910]

I wish you the best and most wonderful life sweetie. May you be blessed.

[@shelpow]

Emily, it sounds like you could do with the loving support of people who understand you and your mom... See if there are any support groups like Alateen or family communication sessions at your school or church. You are not the problem, and you don't have to be alone anymore! I used to act just like your mom, there was a total shutdown between me and my daughter, and someone invited me into a wonderful community in which I have learned so much about myself and why I would do what I did... Now things are so much better! Get up and get moving, child.

[@lemarahman2889]

Hello dear, I read your comment it is hard to go through thus much with your loved once. But i really recommend that you show This vidoe to your mom at lease 2 times. Then ask her to read your comment. It is really hard to put all to express our thoughts and feelings by verbal communication.the written version may helps her to address the issue. I have 3 kids and i know moms make us much mistkes as kids do since we are all human but non of us are perfect. 8 hope my recomandation hepls😄.

[@demonbunnny]

I wish my mum had too, but some parents never learn. All I can do now is to treat my own kid right. Try and get some therapy. I totally understand. I'm 45 now and some people never change but that doesn't mean I have to carry the past forwards into my own parenting.

[@EloiseAwesomeballs]

Thank you for this. It really helps my son. I had a very difficult upbringing and it comes out in my parenting with my one and a half year old sometimes. I know what I need to do to help him grow emotionally and mentally stable but I can't always apply these techniques, I am learning to though because I want the best for my son, and this video is going to help me. Thank you.

[@jasperdent4363]

You're going to be a wonderful parent. Don't worry about the mistakes you'll make - you're actively seeking out information to give your child the best experience you can. This shows how much you care about him and his development! All a child really needs is to be and feel loved, and you're actively taking steps to learn how to best provide that. So forgive yourself when you fail and know you're doing great 💕💖

[@EloiseAwesomeballs]

@@jasperdent4363 Thank you very much! He's 5 now and very happy, well mannered, thoughtful, intelligent and he's a bit of an old soul which is great! Thank you for your kind words ❤

[@jasperdent4363]

@@EloiseAwesomeballs I'm so happy to hear that!! That's wonderful! And you're absolutely welcome 😁💕

[@mbuzimanyike]

I remember telling my mother I love her then she simply said "okay" and now I'm not surprised why I don't know how love looks like

[@bloodwolf9428]

At least you had a mother to say "I love you " to. My prayer started with "thank you for my mommy and daddy" and then they were murdered and I had to change my prayer.

[@mbuzimanyike]

@@bloodwolf9428 I am praying with you. I am in a position where I feel like having both parents alive or dead wouldn't make a difference:(

[@twitchetoe5826]

this made me cry. beautiful

[@marianamunoz6075]

To all out there, regardless of age, I’m sorry for the hurt and pain the adults in your life caused. I’m sorry. It’s hard to forgive people sometimes but I heard the other day that we should forgive, not so the other person feels better but so we don’t have to carry that hurt, anger and pain around with us anymore. I wish you happiness. I wish you can forgive, so you don’t carry that burden. I hope you are able to heal. And if you become parents, I wish that you are much better and kinder parents than we were to you.

[@marco_marvelous]

Holy crap, this so freakin wonderful.

[@PlayDohMagic]

favorite talk about kids...

[@syeager2389]

Great information n good knowledge! “Kids..they DO what WE DO.. NOT what we say.” Teach children how to solve problems, how to talk to each other. How to listen to theirs. Show them your skills! Thank you so much Pall for making this video for us to learn n put it in practice. Sylvia**. 💖👍👏👏👏👏

[@caller145]

Yeah, for example when my mom screamed at me for yelling. She wouldn't let me say anything in between, just a verbal vomit all over me. One time when she was giving me one of her 30 minute lectures I actually took notes and that way only after she said "you can go now" I calmly started to go over her points saying something like: "You said [bla bla bla.] I think it's unfair because...." She was speechless xD

[@demonbunnny]

I have shared this and I hope that the right person watches it. My sons kids ask in amazement why I never yell at him or punish him.

[@kalaniprice1007]

Wild Bunny congrats! I’m glad you’re setting a good example for your grandchildren🙂

[@abdullateef5275]

Meaningful + thoughtful = great advice

[@mewsickitten5127]

Wow!! It can be hard... But definitely worth it, to try to be the best we could for our children.

[@lucymurage6654]

Very interesting and informative. I wish more parents (especially in Africa and Kenya in particular) would not only listen to you but also practice what you suggest. We have the misguided belief that we have to shout to be heard by our children. I feel affirmed as I always strive to tell parents to learn to listen to their children.

[@ahz6907]

Yeah also same here tz parents

[@BR-im1nl]

OMG What a great video Just like veterans and police officers and firemen. Social workers are super heros....

[@stacyhigginson170]

YES THEY ARE!!!!!!!!!!! 💜

[@selt3146]

you mean unlike veterans and police officers, social workers are heroes

[@diana.nikolova7383]

Wonderful and wise speech. It deserves way more views than it has.

[@afsahfarooq710]

Definitely

[@christinedoherty2256]

Agreed

[@somyan8540]

Diana.Nikolova - children should be tought all this in School . It is a responsibility of the Schools .

[@Intrepid_Insomniac]

Wonderful. This warmed my heart and it lifted me up. Being a mom of 3 spirited children is such a challenge and I needed to hear this! Thank you!

[@yogyaratnayake9467]

He must be such a great dad :) how lucky are those kids!

[@glendaleduque]

That’s it, kids do what we do not what we tell them to do! Awesome!!❤️

[@lizw1493]

Standing ovation to you.

[@ekomikpat]

I wish my parents would see this, listen and actually act on it... Now I'm 24 n still dealing with teenage issues n mentality due to excessive silence

[@lizguz2771]

I’m sorry for your upbringing. Maybe you can’t change your parents but you can find a way to heal from the deprivation you were dealt in your childhood. Maybe through counseling or through the relationships you build moving forward. Be choosy w who you have in your life. You owe it to yourself! Try to surround yourself with people who listen and take the time to be understanding. Just some thoughts from someone who was 24 long ago :) Best intentions-Liz

[@lisa-marieshy9673]

This was absolutely AMAZING!!! Exactly what I needed to hear! THANKS SO MUCH

[@SdmAngeL]

This man is brilliant, wise and funny. I wish we had skilled professionals like this ( in the UK and everywhere ) to give new parents & other family members parenting courses.

[@monikaskowera-mneimneh9371]

Search for peaceful parenting with Kathryn jones

[@primescene9110]

I have a 5 year baby girl. I started recalling all the moments when I shouted at her, did not listen to her and wanted her to eat proper meal. Maybe the intention was never wrong but the way was for sure. Thank you for your talk. All I want that I do not forget your lesson of growing your kids.

[@xiaolang97]

had my 1st baby last nite, will try to apply what is learnt in this video

[@MuseCatherine]

Parenting is hard and long job.

[@xiaolang97]

C Rosser 10weeks in, and realized how much time I use to hav with my life before... lots of pressure, lots of motive, with very less time , and heaps of responsibilities

[@ems8717]

狼爸爸的工作室 wait till they are toddlers . Baby time looks fun then

[@nubeginnings9728]

How is you and your bundle of joy doing now?

[@lila.d3062]

狼爸爸的工作室 👍

[@emmalendt6072]

With a toddler, the child is on the table :D

[@15tintin]

I enjoyed this speech from this man wish he had more speeches

[@taylorjohnson4943]

Icelandic peoples have a long tradition of parenting and community-based and interpersonal strategies of parenting that goes back almost a thousand years

[@elenamarina9736]

That is sooooo inspirational!!!! Thank you very much!God bless all the children,they are wonderful,vulnerable yet strong human beings!

[@wshelby83]

Doina M. I totally agree with you!!

[@anitaanita7162]

Love this speech and the tips given. Very helpful. Thank you!!

[@cynditran2036]

This is wonderful. New mom this coming October and will do my best to implement this

[@wshelby83]

Cyndi Tran congratulations!! You will be a great mother!

[@tarajean5990]

Absolutely moved by this. Thank you!

[@gervinpedico]

Thanks for this! I sometimes or often times shout because I am just exhausted. I need to work more on my patience. I thought I had a lot of it, but it could be more it seems. Insipiring Talk!

[@gloriousgardens1257]

This is very worthy of the time it takes to listen. Wise and heartfelt words that we need to embrace in our lives daily. Most excellent. Thank you

[@JSlippy]

This is a beautiful human.

[@modernwomenoffaith]

One of the best, if not the best TED talk I have watched!!!👏🙏🙌

[@padmajathangavel2246]

So glad that I came across this video!! Thank you Thank you Thank you

[@DebraDKT]

Thank You & GOD BLESS

[@Whitleyauto]

Nailed it! This is exactly right! This message with implementable tools and support needs to be shared to all families. Our future depends on it. We are all in this together. Thank you for sharing!

[@rayseprakovamonteiro755]

Thank you so much for your speech! It was really amazing!

[@brandonirving2442]

Wow! Thank you! I want to keep this in the forefront of my mind at all times.

[@palmsonhearts]

Brandon Irving me too

[@lundup2023]

Absolutely loved this talk. Thank u so much.

[@diantriastuti4400]

I always believe that we are either inspire or be inspired by others. Good words can save lives. ❤

[@ania1607]

I am so glad to find this gem. Amazing ted talk!!!

[@heathermoran9526]

Thank you for this. I needed to hear this

[@stephenacman3244]

This is so good!! Thank You 🙏

[@jadebethj4807]

the first minute and a half was just...me. as a foster kid. I came here to be a better parent but look at it hitting deep already.

[@jennifermorse2803]

Loved this talk! Thanks

[@beuphoric6301]

Thank you dear sir.

[@iananderson2496]

This is so very insightful. I will adopt these ideas for my son. Thank you so very much, Páll!

[@ambilyj9792]

Excellent talk ... thank you .. wish I had heard you few years earlier .. still not late 👍

[@zoeletlive]

This needs more views. Love this talk.

[@itsrayanswed6386]

Thank you so much. You change my mind

[@grivsxiaomi4661]

Thank you. Awesomeness. Truthfully.

[@tamzeedashakira]

I cried watching this.

[@reynabellaloves]

Thank you 🙏🏼

[@palmsonhearts]

Thank you soooo much. Amazing information

[@juliussemei9082]

God Bless you so much

[@delgermurunaltantsee3367]

Very authentic and funny. I wish all the guys were like you!!!

[@evobeshinsky4977]

How very true is !

[@paulaflowing6124]

What amazing lessons here!

[@Actidad]

Some great perspectives. Quality time and positivity are keys to raising awesome kids👍

[@LetsGoHelio]

Aw I loved this

[@kingsleyatuba]

Why is this not up to a million views

[@MoranGuyVideos]

Thanks for this info. very wise and really can help in life if you are able to implement it in real time and not thinking about it afterwards...

[@Actidad]

Being positive is such an important part of fatherhood. Definately need more dads watching this stuff!

[@jairiangrowyourfood6659]

wowwowwow....excellent, I love your speech and your advice.....

[@Just4funTravel]

Thank you sir. Very helpful video.

[@marianamunoz6075]

I’m in tears!

[@readytomovegurgaon6538]

This guy is amazing!!!!

[@vishaloc8092]

Children do not do what you say, they do what you do

[@himanshukhinchi]

Amazing talk

[@khagrajupadhyaya1642]

An eye opener.

[@dreamurr_cy]

When you go to your father, telling him you are scared of something and instead of comforting me.. How I wished he would do.. I screamed, lectured me and told me he wouldn't care If I died. Haha

[@lovelylovlina]

I hope you’re having a good day ❤️

[@lisafeck1537]

Pall Olofsson, great talk. Thank you.

[@debbiewilliams6716]

Great perspectives ♥️

[@joseenoel8093]

Been a stay at home mom for 24 yrs. No way otherwise and last thing I thought I'd be doing. College degrees, fluently bilingual.. No way, this time is fleeting, especially when my daughter comes home from University once a week! My son is 21 now and it makes a difference to come home to no one or come home to a pleasant 'How was your day?' Our carbon footprint is smaller too. The more money you make, the more you pollute!

[@katrinalewis802]

This should have many, many more views!

[@vladan.Poison]

Eye opener !!!

[@bunchofknowledge489]

Thank you.

[@krishnanmadhadavn1835]

Awesome talk sir

[@alexw6582]

One of the greatest TedxTalks of all time!❤

[@HechoenCasaMex]

Great talk and great sense of humor 😃

[@michaelrosado6485]

Amazing video, best talk I've heard!

[@Actidad]

Be that positive role model and listen! Really powerful advice for dads