Hi + Life Stuff (2024)

[@beckiejbrown]

I've turned on comment approval and stepping away. x

[@tudormiller887]

Happy Autism Awareness Month. Great video. I was diagnosed with ADHD Combined recently, but I also have the symptoms of Autism too. Watching in 🇬🇧

[@BradMasterBater]

Hi Rebecca, I watched you many years ago and this video just popped up. It was a refreshing to see your face and energy again, I was reminded of your uniqueness. I’m sorry it seems like you’ve been struggling through many different things for a while and at the moment. About six months ago depression lifted from my existence. There were many factors that played into this, and I must preface that it still tinges some edges of my life. But the biggest change/realisation is something that I find constantly refreshing in the face of the darkness. I read a book called ‘the power of now’ during this period of change. What the author talks about can be disorientating/derealising but ultimately very liberating. It’s all about the concept of non duality. What you are is life. Where that life inhabits is your body and your mind. For you that is a neurodivergent mind and comes with many challenges. But ultimately still expresses in an amazing and profound way. Thank you for making this video. The effort and time you put in is inspiring, it walks the line of casual and artistic.

[@katmaggie]

This feels very retro but also very true to your current self. Good to see you Rebecca 👋

[@beckiejbrown]

I loved the focus on this, even if out at times (it can autofocus, it's just so noisey), but it felt so different than iphone-tiktok footage

[@oldfarmshow]

❤

[@sunlightheaded]

ah jennifer's back! thought you'd moved out of home without her 😂

[@Fencedingates]

Ah, I grew up watching you and also been going through the adult diagnosis for Audhd. I hear so much of my own frustration in what you're saying in your video, and Rebecca your frustration is so valid. You are deserving of good medical/mental care, and it sucks that this journey has been rough so far. Wish I could scoop you up for some coffee and compare journeys together, so many of us want to support you ❤

[@sunlightheaded]

my migraine disorder also calmed suddenly, which is blissful, but I feel like it leaves you in fear of if/when they'll get bad again, and that takes such a toll. It's hard x

[@Wanderer255]

"Dating and applying for jobs are the same inside my brain and I can't do either. Dating apps might as well be LinkedIn." Good lord, I feel this in my bones.

[@beckiejbrown]

Hug xxx

[@annomanatofu3628]

I LOVE Jennifer. You are so clever

[@Bibliomancer91]

Skill regression is so aggravating; half the social interaction skills I honestly don't even miss, but it still feels like there's a toolkit that's missing primary things it's supposed to have. It makes the aloneness (which can be nice) feel more as loneliness. It's less lonely (or at least there's less feeling invalid like it's just something wrong with me specifically) hearing other people share their similar experience, even when it isn't shard with some "happy" resolution or plan for "recovery"; thank you. (And shout out to Jane! Seems more and more like a personification of masking often, but I'm glad if you're also able to get some fun or joy from her)

[@beckiejbrown]

I don't want friends anymore, I've lost even the wish to have friends... I do miss a partner though... I miss feeling loved and loving someone. Not just the intimacy, but caring about someone. I can't care about new people as all people hurt or harm as time goes on (endless evidence of that to back that up). I want to be ten years into a relationship, not ten minutes

[@Bibliomancer91]

@beckiejbrown That's understandable. That's honestly about where I'm at...too many friends/relationships ending in abandonment, people saying "forever" when they don't mean it. I can't personally say I'm over friendships conceptually as a whole, but it just feels like so much effort to find/build it when experience says the effort won't be reciprocated (or not for long at any rate). Even the memories don't feel reciprocal, like you've just been erased altogether, and you're stuck holding the weight of all the good and bad by yourself. I love the idea of being there again, but I just can't see how to *get* there, all the worse knowing I'd *already* been there and will never get back the care or intimacy I've given out that meant everything to me. So yeah spot on about wanting to be ten years in instead of ten minutes. Can't fault you at all.

[@neromillie]

​@beckiejbrown Do you feel comfortable around your kayaking group? They seem like a nice bunch. I find shared interests help a lot with socialising. There's less pressure to perform - we just mutually enjoy the thing.

[@SkywardsFalling]

There's a service in the UK called Right to Choose which allows you to refer as an NHS patient into their service. You don't have to pay anything but they are technically a private service. The service in my area is called Psychiatry UK (this is national) but there may be more options depending on where you live. You just have to get your GP to send the paperwork they require. This is what I did after I was put on an NHS ASD waiting list for three years. I got an appointment and diagnosis from Psychiatry UK within just a few months (this was very recent for me in March 2024). Hope this is helpful!

[@corporalmaladict]

thank you for sharing again. i appreciate the complicated nature of diagnosis and wellness in a culture that doesn't allow for difference and makes it hard to find community.

[@einname9986]

Regading dating: As someone (male) being diagnosed with adhd + autism, dating apps have never worked for me as well. First, one usually does not get much useful information from the profiles. Second, I have never actually done dating. I try to make friends, and sometimes it turns out to be more than friendship (but usually less than relationship). Mostly a weird in-between. Third, I feel like I need to spend only a few minutes together with someone to find out whether I find them interesting or not. On dating platforms, I could write for months without coming to a conclusion. => There is not much use in dating apps. Going to places where nerds of my kind are or where people do things I love doing are more promising. I usually talk to those who are quiet, not at the center of the group and try to spend time with them without other people present. That makes things easier, but easy it is definitely not.

[@Gagging4Lit]

How can a neurologist not 'believe' in autism or adhd? That stuff affects your senses and inevitably your neurology... It's probably because the person knew the relationship between them is complicated and didn't want to bother trying to help. I hope if you see another neurologist they are more compassionate and helpful.

[@anyaonpaper]

I’m happy to see you post again! I think this is great as it just shows the complexity of these conditions. I was diagnosed adhd when I was 14 , then bipolar when I was 18. Now I have been advised to be assessed for autism for the 3rd(I was assessed twice when I was in my early teens). I had the health professional in one of the assessments saying ‘I’m just doing this to tick a box’ and as opposed to the 2 hour assessment it was 30 minutes.

[@anyaonpaper]

Thank you for making me realise that being over stimulated with noise doesn’t make me weak. It just means my brain is wired slightly differently. No one fully look into why I was so sensitive to noise till my psych has gone ‘has anyone tested you for autism?’ And when I said yes he said ‘well they need to check again’ 😂

[@beckiejbrown]

I've not been diagnosed with bipolar, but it came up repeatedly from 18-23. I wasn't allowed to be assessed as was a child/18 year old "too young" and told to be assessed in my 20's. When I did ask at 23 (not just bipolar but that was when I did what I was told), I went on to be dismissed with personality disorders like AVP. I think things can be incorrect. E.g. so many women are diagnosed with personality disorders when they are Autistic... Healthcare varies across the world but we hear so much about how quick assessments can be... I felt my ASD assessment was in depth (would have liked to have spoken in many sessions rather than two very long ones) but some places they diagnose almost instantly... It's good to question everything... healthcare teams are human, humans make mistakes and as time goes on... we learn even more

[@beckiejbrown]

@@anyaonpaper I've never felt weak for being impacted by noise, felt odd and been labelled overdramatic for at least 20 years... but when we think about it.. all those times I struggled and what it meant. Not being able to concentrate in exams or take in information.... just the noise impacting things alone... what it's meant... Anyway... we're not weak... we're just a different type of person in this world. The world is so diverse

[@anyaonpaper]

@@beckiejbrownabsolutely! I knew ADHD and bipolar were correct as I was text book adhd (they realised this when I was actually assessed) and then bipolar I was given a working diagnosis. One of my parents also has bipolar and I saw a lot of my ‘struggles’ in them. However the only one that I’m not convinced of is not being diagnosed autistic. I’ve been in and out of the sort of ‘system’ in regards to mental health and learning difficulties from the age of about 5 (due to delayed development). Yet, it took them till I was 14 to pick up on adhd? And I had to fight for a bipolar assessment too. Camhs was the first time I realised that just doing what someone says isn’t always going to help. Also realised that I need to learn to advocate for myself more as not endure medically gaslighting without saying anything.

[@anyaonpaper]

@@beckiejbrownI needed to hear this! Sometime I just get so embarrassed for some reason. Don’t want to seem rude putting my loop ear plugs in. Or getting snappy because I’m over stimulated

[@Joedirt3349]

Beçca I have enjoyed and related to you and your vids for years. I feel the over AND under stimulation.

[@pandalovesdogs]

I’m right there with you. The burnout is consuming atm. I get you completely and hope things get better soon. somehow. I’m glad I found this vid.

[@LIonGraphiK]

Beckie, it is pretty awesome that you're looking to discover yourself, but you give yourself a disservice and discredit. We can fall victim to hating ourselves, or picking out everything that we do. I am 29, and did a job that destroyed my mental health; was in an unhappy relationship; and living in a house that made me physically and mentally unwell. We can unpick what makes us unhappy and learn from it, we become worse off if we fixate on it. I did the opposite, I did not look at my life and think about my woes but the second I did? I took control back by quitting my job, finding a flat and distancing myself from my partner at the time. The other thing is, I have recently accepted that I may be neuro-divergent with ADHD myself and I do have the option to go and get a diagnosis. However, personally? I feel strongly with intuition that I do not think a diagnosis would make me see the world any differently. I have lived with this for so long that I would rather accept and carry on - doctors can only tell you so much and offer support yes; but nobody can really tell you who you are aside from yourself. You know yourself better than anybody else. Trust your feelings, get up and then fight. Damn. I can't tell you how many times I felt like I hit rock bottom and was going to end everything. We can feel sorry for ourselves and look inwards, or we can learn to accept. Figuring stuff out is not always easy, but the journey to learn how to do this and find the path to discover what it is we need to do to find happiness is rewarding. That u-turn I took when instead of doing my ECT paperwork, I wrote my resignation made things so clear to me. I was unhappy because I was following a path that I did not want to make. I was doing what I "should" be doing, as oppose to wanting. I took a risk and applied for a dream job, I spent months getting the flat I wanted; before that, I complained about my issues and made it all about me. Now? I feel the most content I have ever felt in my entire life. I've never been happier being single and yes you're right, you sometimes want that someone to share your life and experience with and dating apps and the like suck, absolutely screw that lol. Be you. Discover yourself, let your 30s be the time in which you reinvent yourself. Look, you have resilience, you can do it. Geez, I think the first video I ever saw was your trich video - you've come so far. I think people are missing the point, you are absolutely okay to talk about the things that you're concerned about, your fears and what your challenges are. Tell those people to stick it and stay strong. tl;dr you can either put your life on hold and wait for a diagnosis, or you can trust your intuition and start making those changes today. p.s. Always believed, you wanted to come here to share how you were feeling and I think some people can be unfair

[@jemimahoffman5085]

I'm so sorry you're having an awful time. I was diagnosed with autism in January 2023, at the age of 23. It is an extremely difficult thing to come to terms with and to deal with, especially dealing with burnout. One of the worst things is having to accept that your support needs have become higher due to burnout and starting to unmask and unlearn all the unhealthy coping mechanisms you had to implement as a child to survive. Something that has helped me and that might help you is joining support groups online and finding safe neurodivergent communities. Another thing is reading all the books written by neurodivergent people, a good but challenging book to read is 'learning to unmask'- by Devon Price. I'm so sorry the waiting list is so long, it's inhumane, and that doctors and specialists haven't been understanding- if I was you I'd report the neurologist because they were discriminating against you for your conditions. I hope things get easier for you, thank you for posting this video 💖

[@kirinocreates8444]

Going through skill regression at the moment, and I have so much anger directed towards it (which I know isn't very helpful, but it is what it is) My brain is understanding it as "I used to be able to do this basic thing - And no that I am finally diagnosed and have some answers I get worse?!" I hate that you have to go through this, but at the same time I find strength and hope in knowing it isn't just me who has to face this. Much love.

[@katielottie9445]

What is the end game here? What would you like? You say nothing works, are you just waiting for medication?

[@beckiejbrown]

I'd like to be legally recognised for all my difficulties... which is taking decades. I would like to be seen by someone who will take my ASD/ADHD into account when supporting me. I would like to discuss support for ADHD as soon as possible, and not any later in life. If that means medication, then yes... I would like to try. Though I understand it's complicated and even if prescriptions made, there is a shortage that seems to be worsening. I would like the opportunity to discuss it. That is years away. I don't understand why people think a disability is temporary. It's already been three decades, a diagnosis won't eradicate it. Puts so much pressure on people to 'get better'. ASD doesn't cure itself. Autistic children become Autistic adults and even with support (whatever that may be), people are still Autistic. It's called a disability for a reason. All in all, I'm a recently diagnosed person, people seem to think I've decades of experience. As an ASD person, who also believes they are ADHD, I have lived three decades. I have had less than a year post-diagnosis and no support in that time either. People pre-pared me for the lack of support, but it's very upsetting to experience. This is for life. ASD is for life, it's not a cold. x

[@Lazuriteplays]

​@@beckiejbrownThose are all reasonable requests, and I felt sad hearing the NHS's response. You don't deserve that.

[@beckiejbrown]

@@Lazuriteplays In terms of migraines, I was shocked. Didn't know how to deal with that situation as had asked for a good two years to be seen... Came out numb. Even now I've been quiet as don't want to rock the boat with future 'care'.

[@katielottie9445]

@@beckiejbrown I think all of your wants are valid, if you don’t get all of this though, is there a time period in which acceptance will be the only path?

[@katielottie9445]

@@beckiejbrown I wonder if a life coach would be something you would look into? I’ve heard great things about

[@mlkirkl09]

You look and sound wonderful! I have missed listening to your calming voice. Your videos brighten my days!❤

[@mlkirkl09]

I have ADHD, PTSD, bipolar and anxiety. I wish you could get into see a doctor as quickly as I can here in the US. I wish you all the best in getting used to and finding out more about your diagnosis.

[@Shelindreaire]

I know it's hard, but just know it does and will get better. You are not alone, Rebecca. There are many resources available and people who understand and empathize. Remember that no matter how long you are away or how much space you need, you are loved.

[@AynenMakino]

The more stressfull your daily life is, the more things will annoy you. Your annoyment is like a warning light in the cockpit telling you you're consuming more energy than is comming in and you're running out of reserves. Any methods you have of reducing stress will help make things less annoying, but it won't be immediate. It takes time for your nervous system to 'realize' it's now in a less stressfull environment. So innitial results will not be indicative.

[@grumpybearinblue]

I'm just a random viewer of your videos, but I want to say that I'm always glad to see you posting. I want you to know that many people care about you - me included - and want great things for you. I have ADHD and it's great to see someone else living with it. It's hard and you definitely deserve more support! I'm sending you big hugs and good vibes.

[@JoanneCamp1]

I have recently been diagnosed with ASD on top of my mental health issues. I went to my GP in November last year asking to be referred back to the CMHT as I was really struggling but as of today I haven’t heard anything from the CMHT. 😔 Also, I saw a neurologist about my migraines and I was told they were just down to my mental health and I should exercise more. I exercise almost everyday but it’s not always easy with the sensory issues I have.

[@WhaleTank]

I am a very recently learned that I am most likely autistic with ADHD. I like to describe myself as neurospicy. I am not looking to get diagnosed. I am also incredibly burnt out. Not necessarily ND burnt out, just life burnt out. I have described it as a tiredness that sleep doesn't help. I have been trying to practice different types of rest. It is helping, but very very slowly.

[@TheMulle999]

Love my silent loops ❤

[@piddlydiddly]

Sending love, hope and hugs.

[@adeline7980]

Do you have over the ear ear defenders? Like the big ones which are used by construction workers. I would highly recommend those. I would go mad in my apartment with out being able to use those when it's loud. Loop ones are obviously helpful, over the ear ones I find helpful for when things are quite bad. Also my noise sensitivity gets worse when I'm stressed. Also I don't know if this helps but I don't have a diagnosis for autism or adhd but I know I do have those things and I live as such. I'm working to get them, but also in my eyes self diagnosis is very valid. And I believe you about the things you're going through, just as I believe myself.

[@beckiejbrown]

Not big ones. I have airpods but they aren't lasting as long as they used to. I'm getting frustrated with the battery life now... so alternating headphones around at the moment. Find headsets not so comfy with my glasses. Noise and stress... YES. Totally agree. I'm stressed through the roof currently with certain things - Can't switch it off though, even if aware. It sort of triggers in a big circle...

[@danilovely1921]

Haley Honeyman here on KZbin is also Audhd. She’s very helpful when trying to understand and even process the, for lack of a better term, craziness that is Audhd. If anything at least it’s nice watching someone with similar nuances. I know these are just words but I pray you get the right resources to be able to live your peacefully, with your own peace of mind. I hope that made sense 😅 sorry if that last bit was confusing.

[@MlleLowis]

You described some of my experience with so much eloquence. And the fact you talked about it I feel less lonely, and there some things that I have done or still going through, so I thought I was going crazy but actually, it's okay. It happens. And I should approach it with kindness. I don't know how you'll react to this, but you helped at least one person. Thank you for sharing. ❤️

[@ReinaElizondo]

Sending you good vibes! Totally understand the interviews/dating correlation. Oof. I get different kinds of migraines. Some of which are to do with air pressure & that make all noises too loud. 😑

[@VicMorrowsGhost]

The masking around your hair in front of the mirror, nicely done.

[@Faeriecoma]

💗

[@Felice_Enellen]

It boggles my mind that it can take 4 years to get treatment for something as common as ADHD and other very common mental health issues. I've heard much longer wait times for things like gender confirming care. What is the NHS even doing? Do they do anything other than put a cast on your leg if you break it, or sew up a gash? I grew up in Canada, with similar healthcare. The waitlist for someone who couldn't chew food because of TMJ was 2-3 years. That was me, by the way. I never actually got any treatment before I moved to the USA. I had to learn on my own to chew a very specific way. I talk to friends back home and the waitlists for treating any mental health issues are 3-5 years too. People here in America are frequently gung-ho for socialized medicine and I keep telling them they don't know what they're asking for. Even since the Affordable Care Act was implemented here as a single step towards such a thing, the quality and speed of care has gone way down. Yes, you can lose a lot of money by getting very sick, but if you take the amount of money the gov't would take from your paycheck to fund national health care and simply buy the (very good) insurance that much money would typically get you, you can get much better care than I would ever have gotten back home when I lived in Canada, and that was _better_ than it is now, according to accounts from friends and family. Same with the NHS. Both systems have major flaws but I'll take the US flaws, to be honest. Better broke than dead.

[@beckiejbrown]

In answer to your first question - NHS is overwhelmed. That I totally get... it's like the house is on fire and the fire is rapidly destroying everything and all the firecrew have is a hose. It's so difficult for everyone... staff... patients... those waiting... those fighting to even be listened to for the possibility of dealing with something that needs support. There are too many people that all need care at the same time. The system feels like it's collapsing.

[@Felice_Enellen]

​@@beckiejbrown I will say that I believe there is a confounding factor involved here, which is the retirement of the baby boomer generation, which I believe exists in all three countries. Their generation was relatively large in comparison to those that followed, and that cohort is old enough that the doctors among them have all retired, disproportionately affecting the availability of doctor to treat patients, while simultaneously increasing the number of elderly people who need care as they go through their winter years. In short, there are fewer doctors and more patients to treat. As a bonus, the baby boomers are no longer working and paying income tax, which in Canada and the UK will affect healthcare budgets. I also suspect that baby boomers had fewer careers that provided a high-end income, so more of the talented/skilled among them would have chosen medicine to be on the road to wealth than would today, when you can choose from a wide menu of tech and engineering jobs as well, among others. So I think it's likely that, even adjusted for cohort size, later generations have had progressively fewer doctors. (To be fair, it's possible that the degradation I've seen in the USA since the ACA was introduced could be largely due to this and not to issues with the ACA, although I will say I have had doctors tell me they were retiring early due to the immense piles of bureaucratic paperwork it forced them to do just to treat patients.) So, I think you might be seeing reality when you think you see the system collapsing. There might simply be too few doctors to support it, and even if young(ish) people recognize the problem and start flocking to medicine, there could be up to a decade of lag before they are useful cogs of the system, depending on when/if people recognize(d) the problem.

[@KittyQualtagh]

seeing your clone video clip was so cool, i’m always impressed with your editing prowess!

[@annomanatofu3628]

My psyche meds ruined my kidneys. They will throw as many at you as you are willing to take. Ps none of them stopped hair pulling.

[@Boreas1986]

Girl, i feel every thing you said so much. 💜 I m struggling with many of the same issues. I wish you all the success in getting better.

[@funkopopruler-3206]

so sorry ❤ sending love to you, hoping you can get the help and answers you need and deserve ❤

[@yazza0013]

You could possibly be aromantic or on that spectrum? I know there's some link between autism and aromanticism. (Which is still being studied) What you said about jobs, I relate to a lot. I'm fine once I work somewhere, but I absolutely dread the job interview process. I describe it like an audition, it's like acting where everyone is pretending and lying to each other instead of communicating more directly with what each party wants.

[@JayneAFK]

Could be biased because this is where I'm at, but it sounds more like asociality to me. A disinterest in the superficiality and performative nature of the majority socialisation, but longing for a deeper connection with a safe person who doesn't drain the social battery. I'm lucky, I've found my safe person and we are sickeningly cute with each other, but it's also an LDR...which I have mixed feelings about.

[@beckiejbrown]

@@JayneAFK Long distance worked for me as a teenager/minor into my 20's. Nowadays I can't fathom the thought of long distance... I'm in my 30's, I've had enough of messenger and waiting to see people - can't we just get on with life?

[@wpm720]

This comment may not get a reply from anyone here but what resonates with me is the concept of how dating and job searching feels like its the same thing. I thought that was just me and how my neurodivergent tendencies operated. Hearing someone else say that was cathartic. With that being said, I've started to come to peace with the whole idea of being single. I see it as that it is mandatory to live on your own but an option to live with someone else. I sort of have an exception to this because I take care of my mum who is getting old and my brother who has learning difficulties so I keep myself occupied but if I have that free time to think about relationships or a stable career or an income source, no antidepressant ever really suppresses the sadness that emanates when those things cross my mind. Take care out there.

[@neromillie]

Hug

[@mistershadey]

Have you looked into Right To Choose for the ADHD diagnosis with your GP? I just had an appointment with mine recently to discuss this but I've been told it can reduce the wait times x

[@beckiejbrown]

I did, thats exactly what I fought for (a few times too). In May of last year, I fought again and was listened to. Doctor said he would write my letter to PUK and make the referral (have it recorded too). He never wrote the letter and never made the referral. When I chased up what was happening (as have had very bad experiences previously with the NHS and issues - wanted to make sure all was okay), I was sent more forms to fill in, which I did. There is little communication throughout these processes... had to wait four months to call the ADHD team as it takes 3 months minumum to process people! Then 10 months on I found out that I'd never been referred. Sounded like my surgery didn't even do shared care. I'm still trying to understand what went on. Been told that if I fight further, I'll risk my place where I've been referred to. Already been with them a year... that year needs to mean something. Summary, I was lucky to be referred at all and my surgery are out of order.

[@Cl0200]

Some advice I can give is to make sure your GP does shared care before going through the process! This means they can take over prescriptions should you get diagnosed and try medication.

[@beckiejbrown]

@@Cl0200 I don't believe ours does. I can't change surgeries.... especially now so far into a waiting list.

[@notyakumos]

rebecca: youre probably noticing that im not making eye contact me, who also has autism: i did not notice that at ALL (not sarcasm) much love though, i'm sorry about the nhs ♥

[@keyblxde_]

i feel like you just verbalised so many of the common thoughts i also feel whirling around in my brain but i myself feel to overwhelmed to verbalise to anyone and don't even fully understand / don't have the energy to put into words. thank you for sharing your journey with us (silent follower of around 10 years!!)

[@advaitawho]

So relatable 😩

[@brielleelise9558]

Sorry if this is a bit random, but I'm always really impressed by your handwriting. Seeing your handwritten annotations is such a delight. ❤

[@Mitschki92]

Your clone photos are impressive, but I truly admire your clone clips. I have just enough knowledge of editing to recognize how hard it is to do properly. I am a IT/computer savvy person in general, who dabbled like the tiniest bit in editing photos and videos; wouldn't even think of attempting cloning stuff, bc it intimidates me. :D As a fellow AuDHDer I completely relate to what you're saying about the struggles we face. I also am not great at expressing empathy other than telling you about my own similar struggles. I dare to say that receiving an Autism or ADHD (or otherwise profound) diagnosis can be an actual griefing process for the life you could (have) lead, if things were/would have been different. I've known about my ADHD since I was 13, but it wasn't until around age 25 that I had a crisis realizing how deeply it affected *every singly aspect* of my life ~ past, present and future. The hardest part was acknowledging that the potential that people always told me I had and that I knew I had, would always only ever be that; potential. And I'd probably never in my life be able to actually fully use it, because the structure of society and most of my other life circumstances weren't at all suitable for me to practically do what I knew I theoretically could. Due to existential/financial and family problems at the same time all of this culminated with a nervous breakdown and a huge wave of skill regression which I'm still fighting now, more than 6 years later. (It's so bad that I sometimes feel like I'm just incapable of life. Though recently I've had more neutrals and ups than downs; fingers crossed!) When I received my autism diagnosis last summer I also registered an increased inner awareness for my sensory issues which resulted in me not being able to compensate and mask them as well anymore. Masking in itself got harder. And regaining my lost abilities didn't exactly get easier either. I'm sure you know that there is indeed a huge portion of the neurodivergent community that deals with migraines (I personally know several ND people with migraines and know of even more people online with the same issue), so you know you're not alone, but I guess that's probably not much of a consolation to you, understandably. I consider myself very lucky be a stranger to it. (My body blesses me with constant UTIs, mostly caused by stress.) By the way, I'm also a fan of Cinema Therapy! They're great, aren't they? 😊 I am not good with ending comments, but I genuinely wish you all the best and will leave it at that.

[@Jokerine24]

The beginning - memories. 😊All the best!

[@ravenjoybower]

Certainly hear you on things being harder and the skill regression after opening up more publicly as autistic/ADHD. I felt that a fair bit too. With work - I only do a couple of days a week. And even that feels like too much sometimes. But it’s about where things balance in terms of rest and budget and everything. Hopefully some things will start to get better, or easier, with time.

[@beckiejbrown]

Yeah, I'd love to work less - but less means less income and in freelance world, working less also puts us at the risk of being replaced or then not encouraged to return full time or at all. The moment we pull back, we'll never get that back again. I didn't expect my job to continue as it has done, so that's been great but hard. I wondered if it would last a few months then a year and three years on it's still going. I want to make the most of my situation whilst I can.

[@ravenjoybower]

@@beckiejbrown very fair! My job is part time and a bit more secure, so I’ve been able to have that flexibility. It’s harder when you don’t have that.

[@beckiejbrown]

@@ravenjoybower I could go part-time... but I just can't do that to myself. I'm making the most of the opportunity whilst it's here. It's why I've been able to do some big things like overpay the mortgage or even consider buying a house on my own... there's so much pressure to maintain something good after all the bad. I never want to be in a situation like I was before... even if I've been diagnosed now.

[@ravenjoybower]

@@beckiejbrown full time would kill me 😅 but different people are different. Hope it works for you!

[@LoveRonHermione]

It's always so nice to see you

[@thetrueangel1507]

Hi Rebecca hope u have a good day today peace and love 🙌🏽

[@lisalivet2795]

Oooh, just now áfter watching the video I notice Jenn in the thumbnail. Nice little detail!😁

[@jb31842]

@6:18 In case you didn't realize it and nobody else has mentioned it, you just described "alexithymia" and it's one of the lesser known symptoms of autism. In case it helps you to know that there's a word for it.

[@NewhamMatt]

How in the world does a neurologist not believe in autism or ADHD? I wish I could give you a hug and advice as a fellow person with autism, but it sounds like right now it would just cause further overload. Just know that you are valued, valid, and not alone. (Not to be confused with being lonely.)

[@Friendlyseattleite]

For me, interaction or try having “normal” interactions is more the autism and plus not understanding people, the ADHD is the unfocus and for me moving a lot, and mental health is more like, am I currently happy and stable, am I sad or upset to a manic degree, personally don’t have mania, very lucky, but I get very down and burnt out. I hope this helps ❤️

[@fynnsjogren1743]

Hi Rebecca! Diagnosed AuDHD and ADHD UK Ambassador here. I'm not sure if you've already tried it, but it might be worth talking to your GP about the Right To Choose path for diagnosis. They'll get you to fill in some paperwork, then refer you to Psychiatry UK which takes a few months as opposed to years on the NHS. It's technically a private service, but you pay nothing, even for medication. If you need someone to talk to about ADHD, I'm more than happy to send you my socials. :) Fully relate to all of these issues though, I wish you nothing but love.

[@hammy1306]

Your reply to a previous comment where you use the analogy of using your right/left hand was an excellent way to explain things! Thank you for that ❤

[@sbfiedler]

the noise, I can so relate

[@Macxermillio]

We are so blessed❤❤

[@dalekmoon]

Missed you Rebecca ♥

[@oldfarmshow]

Hello

[@beckiejbrown]

Hi

[@teatea1906]

I've never heard anyone with autism constantly say I have autism can you just stop the self me me me NHS is bad go private then if your so desperatei think you need a psych valuation bi polar is definitely on your radar sorry but I've never seen anyone so self obsessed

[@Joedirt3349]

Talking about yourself there?

[@beckiejbrown]

Bless you

[@BilliesPetRock]

​@@beckiejbrown love the contrast between your intelligent response compared to the babbling nonsense the commenter just wrote lol. I sometimes think the internet doesn't deserve you

[@neromillie]

Im so sorry the medical system is so hard. I dream of a day when all neurodivergents get to live on a happy island together and don't have to conform to any standard.

[@Snowdragon.]

Rebecca; why are you so upset with you being diagnosed. So you need to just tap into your inner self/gifts and shine. For your amazing producer and speaker … it takes HUGE strength to open up to the world as you have, and your vid’s have helped so many people. And for not liking people, you might be on the right idea - I hate people with all the drama. Lady Rebecca for what it’s worth - you rock to me. Just keep being you ❤

[@Joedirt3349]

So many facts

[@beckiejbrown]

Not upset about the diagnosis (though can see why this may come across as this, may need to talk about this on it's own perhaps), but it's allowed me to internally struggle, everything I have been suppressing has been and is valid. It's like being told you're right handed all your life, when infact you're left... you've been fighting with the right hand for decades and finally you can write with the left... only the left is damaged from neglect.... needs time to process being allowed to be what it is

[@TheSparkleina]

some of the comments on here are just straight up disappointing, disability and mental health issues are complicated and made worse by bad healthcare. Beckie is entitled to feeling frustrated, anyone would be when dealing with such a system

[@beckiejbrown]

I've removed one thread where someone was unkind. Once I halted comments, people liked their posts as they couldn't write their own. My approvals have about 30 comments - some quite vicious. It's like if people know their comment won't be published, they try to stick the knife in. I don't read forums about myself anymore, so I find people try to come to me now... it's such a game to people. I also get it and have said many times on IG (I have the recordings, even the day of the maroon top) that I'm not alone and one of the reasons things are as bad as they are is because so many people are in difficulty. There's a reason the waiting list is over four years where I am. I think it's a cheap response to say that someone fighting for their own healthcare is at the expense of others or that they matter more... Really gets people in a tizwoz seeing someone fight for themselves.

[@TheSparkleina]

@@beckiejbrown beckie, im sorry people are being so mean, the internet feels like such a horrible place sometimes where people feel like they can say whatever since its anonymous. please continue doing what you need to to protect your mental health and your spaces

[@nicolebayles904]

A Rebecca appearance?! In 2024?! So wonderful to see her

[@edwinov]

1:57 that's what she said!

[@nikitathef0x81]

Came from instagram so you see something nice. People are mean and i’m sorry. You’re doing the best you can and that is enough 🩵