Becky's Breastfeeding Journey (ft Rachel Cole, Sarah Bonsignore & Joey Ng) You Can Sit w/ Us Ep 188

[@andreayg0]

Me, a 25 year old childless woman who never wants to have kids, watching this entire episode just to learn how to be a better ally to my parent friends

[@soybeanokra]

same!!! i feel so much better prepared for when my sister has kids

[@angietoonz6605]

are we....twins? I am also 25 and dont want kids. I dont have parent friends though.

[@sugarangelyea]

Also twinning here!

[@rosapaz6400]

When they say “it takes a village to raise a child” Becky is so lucky to have “this village” on her side. Love, love, love ❤❤❤❤

[@jmason1770]

Yes! That's what I've been saying every since Becky and Keith talked about this on YCSWU and Trypod. Their village did a great job of helping them and protecting the Habersbergers' privacy.

[@kaylamatters]

I never want to have children, but hearing women openly be able to express their rage and pain is so deeply important to me (currently working on my master's thesis about the exact topic) so I really appreciate this episode and the candor of all the moms on this episode.

[@ruthbindas2039]

What a great thesis topic!

[@maddiebarbeau6751]

It was super interesting to hear Joey talk about gender dysphoria. As a trans person, the feeling of not wanting boobs is constant and I think Joey discovering that feeling in breast feeding makes TOTAL sense. I’m sure it’s one of those moments where the physical act of what you’re doing makes you feel like not a person or an individual. This is such a great episode!

[@JoeyNoGood]

I think I just didn't really think about my boobs ever, felt neutral about them and then once I had to use them realized I don't want them. Your feelings are VALID!

[@TM.BECK14]

I'm trans nonbinary and I don't always relate to the conversations that a handful of cis women have (as much as I love the ladies on the pod), so it made me very happy to have Joey's voice/experience included in this conversation. I also felt a lot of gender dysphoria during the pregnancy, delivery and post partum process, and even just during parenting as well with other people's perceptions/assumptions/expectations of me

[@teamlining7685]

Go to therapy

[@teamlining7685]

@@JoeyNoGoodget therapy

[@theductductgoose]

@@JoeyNoGood I feel this way about my genitals. perfectly ambiguous about them until I'm dealing with a period. then I HATE the whole set up and would rather be a ken doll

[@laurengarrett2323]

I almost skipped this episode. I’ve been going through infertility for 3 years, multiple failed rounds of IVF. Getting to the point where biological children probably isn’t in the cards for me. This episode was so validating. The loss of experiences and reality vs expectation really resonated with me. Thank you for this.

[@aanawenjigewin]

You are so strong. Your feelings are so valid. No one knows what being in your shoes are like. I’m glad you found something helpful in this episode

[@strawberrycherrybaby]

Even if you cannot have biological children, you can still induce lactation for an adopted baby ❤ you take birth control for 9 months to simulate pregnancy, and then take a pill called Domperidone to increase your prolactin levels. This medication is well established in lactation worldwide, and is easy to order if it’s not available in your country. You also start pumping and/or nursing when taking the domperidone. This stimulation further increases your prolactin and causes lactation to start. You can also use natural herbs to help if you’re unsure about medication, but that can increase the amount of things your newborn is exposed to in their milk. Some women can induce lactation with only pumping, so you can also try that before the medication method. Even without a baby, you can donate milk to help other babies. All milk is basically the same, even if you don’t actually give birth. Even breast milk from a male is the same makeup.

[@GiddyGarlic90]

"it'll be hard but it shouldn't be dark" - THIS is the perfect way to articulate my biggest takeaway from my breastfeeding journey with my first. The first few weeks were so rough and knowing how devastating breastfeeding can be on some people's mental health, I was constantly questioning whether I was pushing myself too hard. But ultimately I kept persevering because I saw the light at the end of the tunnel - I could tell things were incrementally improving. And then they started improving a lot and eventually it wasn't hard at all. It's also a nearly impossible line for partners and other members of your village to walk as well - does this person need encouragement or do they need to be given permission to quit?

[@alexandraertz1238]

The entire conversation about grieving the experiences we didn’t get was so real. I’m currently going through IVF after 4 miscarriages and 5 years of infertility and every time I see a pregnancy announcement I was to set something on fire. I’m so happy for my friends and family in their amazing news but it’s impossible not to have those huge feelings of grief for the birth announcements I never got to make and while my chances are good that things will be successfully with IVF, I’m not guaranteed to ever actually get the experiences in really hoping for. It’s so validating to hear you all talk about this because I feel so mean and petty when I’m upset by other people’s news when it’s really just a natural reaction to loss.

[@anonymoususer5853]

As someone who wants to start a family but can't, there was about a 3 month period where 7 people at work had baby announcements and I wanted to cry every day over something I'll never get to experience. I'm still doing the internal work to mourn the loss of the mother I'll never be.

[@alexxisbriviesca1555]

Rachel's retelling of the coffee shop story... A million applause for not only the way you handled it but the fact that you had the gumption to not be nice about it. What a lesson to all of us to think twice before judging another person's experience, ESPECIALLY when it deals with their own body. One shouldn't be made to feel like they just need to sacrifice/apologize for their autonomy and health because they bore a child.

[@SplatterInker]

Honestly niceness doesn't always help people. Kindness isn't always niceness. We should stop confusing the two.

[@TheShauNanigans]

This whole episode, all I could keep thinking about was the sweet mothers in Gaza who have no access to formula and can no longer breastfeed because they aren't getting enough calories. Not to mention, going through delivery without any sort of medicine, epidurals, or C Sections without anesthesia. All of the people on the pod had different and seemingly traumatic birthing experiences. They were all in well-equipped hospitals full of doctors and nurses only devoted to their delivery care. If it was this difficult for 4 people to breastfeed with help from their husbands and a relatively stable home life, I can't imagine what it must feel like for people going through this in Gaza. I'm not saying this to derail the conversation. I'm happy this episode spoke to so many people the way it did. It just put the situation over there in a lot more perspective. Sending all of them my strength, comfort, and love while they live through something none of us can imagine, and will hopefully never experience. Fr33 P@l3stin3

[@christinablacken4054]

Thank you so much for highlighting this. Inequality and violence and privilege isn’t brought up enough in these discussions and it really puts things in perspective.

[@xoch1717]

Yes!! Thank you for commenting this. it’s so important to keep talking about Palestinians❤️🍉

[@richardchen7062]

Yes! #FreePalestine

[@patienceismyrealname]

I was a Montessori Infant teacher and had moms that were so stressed. I always told them if they feel resentment about breastfeeding, then stop. Feed your baby, but maybe breastfeeding isn't for you. Mom's aren't going to feel more bonded if they are struggling so hard that they build resentment for breastfeeding and their partner not being able to help.

[@SplatterInker]

And that resentment is going to cause WAY more harm to their relationship than missing a few antibodies and nutrients.

[@dorkaballa-johnson1214]

Loveeeee Sarah Bonsignore. Anytime I see her name it's an immediate listen.

[@Bananachan289]

Me too she’s such a beautiful soul

[@EizyEspinoza]

This was so validating, I always felt like a failure when I wanted to quit my breastfeeding journey and pushed myself to continue for 18 months even though it was detrimental to my mental health and it physically hurt. So glad to see you galls talking about it openly, it can feel so isolating and like you are a bad mom for not loving the journey.

[@AvoryFaucette]

Not a parent but I'm a neuroemergent guide and nonbinary and I loved Joey's (sp?) contributions! We SO need more resources for autistic kids BY autistic parents + resources FOR autistic parents. I try to find stuff for my clients who have kids and so often you can find stuff about parenting the ND kids, but not for ND parents (or both together). I'll try to remember to figure out where to find Joey and get in touch (ha, my own spoons and AuDHD may not help much...) cause I'd love to refer folks to them ❤❤

[@ChaoticGodess]

I’m someone without children and I don’t ever want them but I’m still engaging with this episode because it all needs to be talked about and their stories listened to xx

[@kellyjf990]

I feel like the same people who judge a mom for pumping or giving formula are the same people who judge a breastfeeding mom for nursing her child in public. As a mom myself, we just can't win no matter what we do or the decisions we make. Hugs to all of you. Thanks for sharing and being vulnerable! We need to have more conversations like this.

[@TaylorBishop8890]

I had always heard this idea "we can't win". But I really felt it in a heavy way when I became a mom. Now that my kid is 2.5, I feel like if she's acting like a toddler in public, I get judged. But if I give her something to occupy her (sometimes thats a tablet 🤷🏻‍♀️) then I get judged too. We literally can't win and it's freaking hard sometimes.

[@kellyjf990]

Parenting (of toddlers especially) is SO hard, and you really just have to do what works for you and your family. Sometimes that means doing whatever it takes to survive to the next day. If your child is fed, clothed, and loved, then you're doing exactly what you should be doing as a parent. I wish more people would realize that and have grace for parents. Sounds like you're doing a great job- hugs to you as well!

[@thriftstorejunkee]

This episode was emotional and cathartic to listen to. It brought back a flood of emotions. I didn’t experience the love for breastfeeding I heard so much about until my baby was 9 months. He finally increased in weight percentile. Solids were well established and I no longer felt like I was the sole provider of his nutrition. I’m 18 months in and can’t imagine stopping anytime soon. Hell, it was a ROUGH journey to get to this point. Because of my experience, I 100% support women breastfeeding, formula feeding, or both.

[@Hannah-hz1dv]

i don’t have kids and i’m sitting here crying listening to all your stories. just love y’all🫶🏼

[@ohmisbotasitsangie]

This was very insightful and emotional. My husband and I really want kids but I’m so terrified because of my epilepsy. Hearing Rachel talk about convulsing was triggering. Seizures are so traumatic and just thinking about the lack of sleep, the lack of proper nutrition - it’s scary! Surrogacy and adoption might be options but they are very pricey (and timely) options 😢 Thank you ladies for being so open about your experiences.

[@MissGhostface]

I was SO MAD and heartbroken after I had my first!! NO ONE, NONE OF THE HUNDREDS OF ARTICLES I READ TALKED ABOUT THE REALITY OF MOTHERHOOD!!! It's fucking TERRIFYING! All of the good parts are obvious! But for me, I wish someone would have THOROUGHLY explained that even though my oldest is almost 10 now, I'm still terrified every moment of every day that something is going to happen to him at any second. It never goes away! You just love this person and you have to live with the deepest fear imaginable.

[@TM.BECK14]

It's unfortunate that any time I've witnessed people trying to give realistic accounts of motherhood and parenthood I always see them get dog-piled as being "negative", "bitter", "trying to scare [expectant parents]" etc. 😔 there are obviously tonnes of great parts but I wish we were allowed to talk about the challenging or even horrible-feeling parts too. I love my child more than anything in the world but delivery and post-partum/the newborn stage were still a living nightmare for me and my mental & physical health

[@13kpepper]

I needed this episode six years ago. This reinforced so many things that I felt crazy or alone for. When I was a week postpartum after a traumatic birth experience and a friend came over and I told her we were only having one. She responded oh wow I just love my kids so much I can’t imagine ever being done. I felt so small and already like a failure. Now my six year old is living her best only child life and is the kindest most loving thing. We know what is best we got this! ❤❤

[@amandakesterson224]

I said from the very beginning my husband and I were one and done. Everyone told me we'd regret it if we did. My husband got a vasectomy when our son was 6 months. Two friends have had babies since and I was afraid I'd suddenly want another one. Nope. I am the best Aunt for those kids and the best mom for my one but I have no desire for another one.

[@_sassypop1996]

Another episode that I sobbed through. My 26 week preemie will be 2 next week and I can’t allow myself to think about the first 14 weeks of his life and everything I missed out on. This was so validating. Thank you guys SO much

[@Jeannnzzzz]

I don't have children but hearing this just felt so real and raw and I'm so proud of you all!

[@soFISHtication_]

This entire conversation is beautiful and so interesting and informative! I also think the photo of Zach’s face just chillin on the wall next to Sarah is truly hilarious😂

[@nathycolombia]

I just wanted to comment that I initially skipped the note/disclaimer at the beginning of the episode (because I knew I would be OK), but then I went back and listened to it anyways. Huge respect to you for the thoughtfulness and consideration you put into the topics you decide to speak on, how you speak on them, and the sensitivity to prep a disclaimer in the first place. Big hearts in this room!!!

[@KatyNolff]

As someone who has been battling CMPA, soy protein allergy, and egg allergy in my 3 month old son that I have been exclusively pumping breastmilk for, this episode made me weep. I have been so isolated and nutrient deprived on this elimination diet to breastfeed my son. Pumping every 3 hours around the clock for 13 weeks now. I just feel like this episode gave me permission to stop and that its okay. I have put my body through so much to feed my child and I need to grieve and move on. Taking care of myself is what is going to make me a better mom❤️

[@absurdnes]

A MOM EPISODE?!?! It feels like Christmas!!

[@natkiyoko]

Thank you so so so much for making this podcast. I am literally breastfeeding my 9 month old listening to this and it felt so validating to hear all of your stories. I have had such an up and down journey with breastfeeding and I have felt so torn and felt so much pressure because I want to stop. But this has helped make me feel brave 💜 you all are so brave and such wonderful mothers. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[@sandrayaggie6813]

I am so thankful for this episode. My kids are 27 and 24 years old. I was not able to breastfeed for more than 3 months or so for each kid. I felt like I was failing my kids. There were a lot of tears and guilt. It was very difficult for me to deal with, while everyone was chanting "breast is best". All that time later, I look at my wonderful children who are both amazing human beings (and coincidentally labeled as "gifted") and realize that was a bunch of crap. I tell parents now, who are struggling with this decision, that modern formula has come so far, and their child will not be missing nutrients, just snuggle with the baby while you eat.

[@kamisheppard9214]

I'm only ten minutes in, but I'm gonna add that I literally could not produce enough milk for either of my babies. I asked a few doctors about it later, and the consensus is I probably had a thyroid problem during puberty and my breasts didn't fully develop. I had so wanted to breastfeed, but had to learn and accept that FED is best. There's no shame in formula, no matter why.

[@EmilyKleinman-om5uo]

I breastfed for 4 months and I just never felt like we got into the groove, my supply dipped and I said no more! The week we started formula he PERKED UPPPP. Tummy time was no longer a nightmare and he slept better. I just KNOW that my milk wasn’t enough but bc I was so ingrained with the breastfeeding idea I let it go on too long honestly. Thanks for this episode, made me feel like a part of a bigger community 💕

[@irenedevisser5816]

When I was in my early 20's I worked in community pharmacy (in Australia) because of my background I took on the baby health section. The number of women I saw who would stand in the formula section and just sob out of guilt and shame broke my heart. It taught me that there no one way to feed a baby that's better than another.....when the time came for my own children and breastfeeding wasn't something that couldn't continue, I remembered those women who I'd sat with and encouraged and helped to choose then right food for their theor baby's needs....please, please take care of yourself feeding parents! Your are just as important as your babies xx

[@hannahlacy7842]

Currently 11 months into breastfeeding and I have loved it, but Jesus Christ it is tough too! The bleeding nipples, the psychological impact of just how dependent he is on me (he's a bottle refuser), feeding even when you have food poisoning and are literally detaching him to puke... I definitely went into it naively. But I have also been fortunate enough to have the good times. When he's nuzzled against me at 3am, holding my hand, I do feel proud and grateful for what my body has achieved ❤️. Thank you for sharing your stories. So so important that we hear all the complicated, messy, diverse experiences of motherhood ❤❤❤. We are each others' village.

[@leeannedubois9698]

Listening to this while nursing my 5 month old and struggling between decisions on whether to do combo feeding, and I just have to say thank you. The pressures to do this all perfectly is unreal. Glad we can all love and support each other with where we are.

[@SaraBeth61796]

Thank you for talking about the grief and rage we feel as mothers. As a mom with insufficient glandular tissue who formula fed from early on, I feel so inferior to my mom friends who breastfed for several months/years. I’m happy they got to experience that, but it makes my stomach sink when they talk about it. I’m angry that I didn’t get that experience too. It makes me feel a little less alone to know others mom feel this too!

[@StargazerApril]

My milk came in very late. I remember not being able to feed my baby in the hospital. I broke down at 3 am and asked for formula and the nurse was such a fucking b about it. I was at my most vulnerable moment thinking I was a failure and she just rubbed it into my face. I also had my child via c-section for safety reasons and being told by other mothers that I never actually gave birth and took the easy way out was horrible. It was the most scared I've EVER been in my life, and to just have other women bring me down was and is heartbreaking. All that should matter is happy and healthy baby AND momma.

[@hannahlacy7842]

I can't believe people have said that to you about your c section! Recovery from a section is no joke!

[@TaylorBishop8890]

I'm so sorry these things happened to you. You being okay and happy is important too ❤️

[@candee1013]

That nurse is terrible. She should have been reported and shamed for discouraging you and every other mom she ever made feel terrible for using formula. Also c-sections are hard- they tend to even have a lot more emotional healing to go through along with physical because they’re safety decisions that we didn’t plan on. I’m sorry you had a not good experience from people in your village when they should have been supporting you better ❤️❤️

[@alexisb7614]

I loved this. As a new therapist and mom to a 16 month old, I want to create more accessible spaces like this for moms. We just need it. It’s so healing to talk about our experiences. Even though I’ve had a relatively positive breastfeeding experience these 16 months, I felt so heard and seen by you ladies. ❤

[@michellouisey]

as an autistic person i would absolutely love to hear joey's diagnosis story on the pod if they're willing to share!

[@Szandrie]

Yes me too ❤

[@zoejohnson7596]

REMINDERS: please vote!!! With all of the pro-birth legislation being passed, especially in the southern states, it is so important to make our voices known!

[@sandasialawong1013]

I have my three kiddos and am done having babies, but WOW how I would’ve loved to have a video like this when I was in the trenches. This is so important ❤ hope it reaches all the mamas who desperately need to know it’s ok no matter what. Fed is truly best!

[@ambrosemoonchild1985]

I love that we're shedding light on topics like this. There's waaaaay too much misinformation around nursing and parenthood in general. Would've loved to see maybe a trans/gnc person who's experienced pregnancy. Intersectionality is lovely❤️

[@sonnybear5029]

Joey is non binary!

[@ambrosemoonchild1985]

​​@@sonnybear5029 I'm glad Joey is, she seems like a badass human(Apologies if these aren't correct pronouns, just going off what the ladies were using). But the rest of my comment still stands. I caught the gender dysphoria discussion around the beginning, but trans and gender non-conforming people experience a lot during pregnancy and parenthood that wasn't present in this video. This is coming from someone who has experienced pregnancy as a nonbinary person. There's a lot that comes with that experience that wasn't discussed here and is hardly discussed in a lot of parenting conversations that aren't explicitly queer. There's a lot of nuance around this topic, as they said at the beginning regarding the Try Guys Breastfeeding video and it seems like a podcast episode would be the ideal place to include that nuance.

[@strawberrycherrybaby]

@@ambrosemoonchild1985This episode wasn’t about pregnancy. It was about breastfeeding. Kind of feels like your invalidating Joey because you don’t think she’s ‘trans enough’.

[@jadynstauffer7715]

Thank you for this episode! Motherhood has been the hardest experience for me! I made it to 11 months of breastfeeding my daughter, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done! She is now 19 months and during those first 11 months it was the darkest time for my mental health! I’m slowly starting to get out of that postpartum depression and hearing y’all talk about your experiences is very helpful!

[@daniellecroce7]

It makes me immediately cry whenever any of you started crying, especially Sarah and Rachel ❤ and Sarah, my immediate thought when you were telling your story of your friend’s brother who welcomed a newborn and how well they were doing, is that that person probably doesn’t know how unwell they really may be and it looks like pure bliss on the outside but it may not be the truth if you asked them directly ❤ it is so freaking hard

[@dombiraga8459]

As a “mom in training,” I love learning from other expert moms’ experiences! I found this episode very informative and inspiring, and I appreciate how raw you allowed it to be and how openly you four shared your parenthood journey, educating all those willing to listen. One of my favorite podcast episodes to date! We’re here for you all, and we’re always ready to extend a hand whenever you may need it

[@Belbaybe]

❤this is needed - every new mum has to watch this! “Fed is best” stop the societal pressure of breastfeeding is best!

[@TravelingKristin]

Thank you for this episode, I listened over several pumping sessions while at work and it was so uplifting for me. I related so much to feeling like I have to stick to "my plan" and soldiering through. Presently on month 11 of breastfeedng/pumping my goal has been 12 months and because baby is in daycare I started worrying about my stash in the freezer. This podcast made me realize it will be ok if my stash runs out around that 12 month mark and we will just adjust as needed. So much good insight from parents who have been through so many ups and downs. Thank you!!

[@jessicashadows6404]

I’m 29 and I am SO grateful for this. I have muscular dystrophy, and the fear I have tears me apart. I would love to be a mom but I am always told to not do that “don’t risk messing them up too” I appreciate people being real like this

[@katiestavig9514]

Thank you for this. I am a first time mom who had a c section at 34 weeks. They tried so hard to let me touch him in the OR but his breathing wasn’t stabilizing so they whisked him away. I didn’t get to go to the NICU to see him until 12 hours later and held him for the first time until 32 hours after birth. Then of course breastfeeding wasn’t going well for either of us but nurses were pushing it and when I did feel brave enough to try I had to time how long he ate and every time his “percentage” of food by mouth would go down…which means it kept him from going home longer. I finally made the decision to exclusively breastfeed after a few weeks and his feeding tube came out two days later. The pressure of BF is so real. But there are sooo many ways to bond with a baby. Dads don’t BF but still bond just as well. My husband loves to bottle feed our little guy and gets that quality time together. I agree that we all made the right decision for our babies, but it’s hard not to feel the guilt or pressure from society.

[@kimih1977]

4 years of infertility here and totally empathize with the feeling of grieving what you didn’t get. I am so happy for my friends when they announce a pregnancy and seeing them and their children hit milestones but I want to cry every time because of the grief. This episode really helped me feel seen

[@clarahuff3355]

I am 24 and had my son a year ago. I’m 10 minutes in and already I am crying. This is so validating and honest. I was very alone in my pregnancy and breastfeeding was a disaster with tongue and lip ties, the baby’s dairy allergy, engorgement, bleeding nipples, and so many other issues. Thank you so much for this.

[@gracejennings6073]

I didn’t know how much I was going to need this episode. My mom died a few years before I had my (now) one year old and I don’t have almost any mom friends I can lean on. I was crying hearing all of this because it was so validating. I’ve spent a year feeling like I’m making nothing but bad choices for my child but she’s still here and she’s thriving and I don’t give myself a break for that. Thank you guys for this episode. ❤

[@feliciab2]

Thank you so much for having this conversation! There is so much pressure put on mothers (most of which I think comes from ourselves) and I don't think it gets talked about as much as it should. I had problems breast-feeding too and nobody told me it would be that hard. I felt like I was failing my baby, and.I am sure it contributed to my PPD. And having an IVF baby too added to the feelings of guilt and shame; like how could I have gone through all of that to have this baby, and still feel like this? I felt like I was being ungrateful. And my baby is now diagnosed as neurodivergent so I would have loved to hear Joey talk more on that, because that brings its own truckload of challenges! At the end of the day most of us are doing the best we can so we really need to support each other.

[@laurenskingsley6008]

I'm an anxious first time mum to a 6 week old little girl and I cannot tell you how healing this episode feels. Being a mum is hard.

[@rebekahbonner3664]

The amount of genuine love and support shown in this episode is just the sweetest thing I've ever seen. Y'all are so incredible.

[@TriforceLiz]

Gosh, I don't even have/want kids and I found this so affirming, validating and beautiful! I'm also a late-diagnosed autistic woman and thanks to Joey sharing their experience, I think I might be experiencing some gender dysphoria as well. I loved this episode, and I look forward to any episodes with Joey!!

[@josephinetrujillo4549]

Thank you so much for this Try Moms. I am 6 days PP and going through the dilemma of how to provide for my baby, take care of my mental health, and include my partner. I really appreciate the honesty and the reality of each of your motherhood experiences. 💕 This was so needed.

[@PainsawChenus]

You’ve got this! One day, one minute at a time. Just remember that YOU matter in this equation, too. If you need to make a decision to care for yourself, that’s a right choice.

[@GrainneLovesCupcakes]

This episode was honestly so amazing. I really understood what Becky said when she mentioned being jealous of people who had a good experience. My son’s birth was traumatic and two years later I’m still recovering mentally. It’s so refreshing to hear other mothers speak about how challenging motherhood truly is. Thank you ladies! Lots of love from Ireland. 🇮🇪

[@Estelise]

I'm a fellow NICU momma, and a PPD but didn't know it momma. I feel all of yall and every one of your struggles. Props to you for coming on to such a public platform and telling your stories. Love to you all :)

[@mallorypeek9690]

I was very nervous going into listening to this pod, but I am SO happy I did! I wanted to breastfeed my 16 month old SO badly, and I wasn’t really able to due to an infection in one of my breasts. I wasn’t able to provide enough milk for my son. The mom shame is so real from so many people. I don’t have a local support system outside of my husband, which I’m grateful to have him and my distant support. The emotional turmoil that it brings when other moms shame us for choosing to do what is best for OUR children is wild. I cried with y’all, as I feel this so much. I am so so happy that you have each other to support one another!!! And thank you so much for sharing and being open about your experiences! Love yall!!!

[@samnhalblog]

I love that these women are sharing the realities that breastfeeding can be really freaking hard, but I would have loved for them to have one woman on who actually enjoyed breastfeeding for a broadening of experiences shared.

[@saraheisenberger6037]

I just came to comment this! As a person 2.5 years into a truly beautiful experience, it would have been validating to see my experience represented

[@Elda_Reid]

This episode brings back many memories. I have a love hate relationship with breastfeeding and one thing that really helped is to get as much information as possible. They keep saying boobs is best but also shame or pressure you if your child is not gaining enough weight. I have also had nurses telling to my face that I don't have milk (which is ridiculous as it was only the 2nd day, milk wasn't supposed to be coming in yet) and the first few days was hell and pain. However I then met a yuesao that taught me proper way to breastfeed and it is like magic, no pain anymore! I do love the feeling of closeness I had and am blessed with plenty of milk but they do come with a cost. The feeling like I am a milk cow or round the clock feeder coz u have to feed and pump in between, the worry of your child not getting enough, the pressure from society, the postpartum depression I had that lasted a year! the preparations you have to do when going out and most importantly how my breast changes after. It is definitely loose now as I breastfed till she was 2. will I do it again? maybe. Maybe not. I just hope WOMEN will be less judgemental to other WOMEN, however from what I see the one that hurts me the most were actually women. and that is sad.

[@SammieAlmario]

Love this episode! My little is now 1 year old and when I was going to be going into labor I knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was not going to go my way. I wanted my water to break naturally, I wanted to have a natural labor, I wanted to breast feed and I wanted to use a mixture of Cloth diapers and biodegradable diapers. I wound up getting induced, needing an epidural, being in labor for 36 hours ending in a C-Section, breastfeeding for only the first week before switching to formula because not only was he losing weight, I was MISERABLE, and then the cloth and biodegradable diapers did not fit my son at all and the only ones that did are the Kirkland diapers at Costco. And even though I knew things weren’t going to go my way, I still would get those moments of feeling like a failure as a mom and as a human because I didn’t have that perfect labor and delivery, and that I feed my baby formula and I am just adding to the 900 years of diaper waste. But at the end of the day, what matters is what is best for you, your health (mental and physical), your partners health (mental and physical) and your baby and your baby’s health (mental and physical)

[@elizabethstommes-juleen6536]

Thank you for having these conversations! I wish I had heard this before I gave birth to my first. I also had HG, a home birth, a bad hemorrhage, and severe PPD and PPA. It didn’t meet the expectations I had of a beautiful journey…it was hell. The more we share our stories, the less we all feel alone. Love you ladies. ❤

[@brittanywojnar2951]

This was such a great topic to discuss. You all brought up different experiences and I hope you all are willing to share more "Mom" topics and have more podcasts like this one. I am about to have my 2nd child and my breastfeeding journey...has been a journey. Love the YCSWU!

[@jenden138]

I recently decided to switch my 3 month old to just formula after not being able to get my supply back up and I was feeling sooo much guilt. I kept googling and trying to find something that said formula was healthy so I could feel like I wasn’t a horrible mom. And everyone on Tik tok showing off their deep freezers of milk was not helping at all. This made me feel soooo much better. You all are amazing ❤️

[@FlagCutie]

RACHEL!!!!!!❤❤❤❤ Again, I adore the usual lineup, but tis always a treat when we get the Second Try Mom up in da house! So good to see Joey again!

[@katherinefend2742]

I also struggled with deciding on using formula for my mental health and then I was reminded that as adults we don’t ask each other or care if our parents breastfed or formula fed us. I was able to let go of the guilt after that. I think another piece of advice is that what you choose for your baby is no one else’s business. Do what is best and what works for you and your family. Literally no one else needs to be involved in the decision making.

[@ThatgirlShirlene]

This is the episode I've been wanting!!! I also have a 7.5 month old and it has been so nice to relate to Becky and Rachel even more! 😊 I always wanted to breastfeed and do "right" for my baby. I had a traumatic birth experience and immediately after and really struggled with breastfeeding. I tried to pump once we got home and my mental health tanked even worse and made the decision to formula feed. My son was later diagnosed with bad silent reflux (and medicated for it!) I was later diagnosed with PPA/PPD and PTSD. I felt really guilty for a while, however therapy has helped tremendously. Along with seeing my baby be happy and healthy ❤ For anyone who needs to hear it: things get better and you will be okay. However you also have to take care of yourself and get help when needed!!!

[@patriciai7630]

Hearing their experiences with everything was great! As a new mommy who also had a baby that had to be in the NICU, a lot of what was said is so validating. Thank you for this episode, it is so helpful to hear!

[@evyn8296]

50:53 as a postpartum nurse I’m so sorry those nurses said that to y’all. That would be so horrifying to hear. Listening to all 4 of your experiences with birth and the postpartum period felt really beneficial for me both professionally and personally. I’m so glad y’all have a community to support each other.

[@Zaraelin]

I breastfed my first born for 6 weeks then my milk dried up due to stress. My sister in law made me feel so terrible for "giving up". I gave birth to my first during Covid and my husband and I were unable to have a support system the way she and my brother in law did. My daughters pediatrician said "as long as your daughter is fed, gaining weight, and healthy you feed the baby formula". Now I have my second child thats 3 weeks old and I'm trying to breastfeed but supplement with formula. Shes fed, gaining weight and healthy. It is okay as long as your baby is fed. Also some lactation nurses/nurses in general just need to just support new moms to use formula if they're more comfortable with it.

[@ashleyg6314]

as the oldest child in my family, this podcast has been an amazing resource for me - becky, maggie, rachel and all guests feel like my older sisters and their cool friends giving me advice ❤ i love hearing you talk about your experiences and offer you own perspectives

[@aanawenjigewin]

I needed this episode. I tried BF for 1 months total and it was a nightmare the entire time. My son just could not latch fully even with a nipple shield. I realized I needed to change because I was starting to resent my baby for not breastfeeding. So I exclusively pumped for 15mos over covid. I could never and would never pump for that long again, I was motivated by giving my son antibodies before the vaccine existed. What I appreciated most was your honesty, which felt so freeing to hear other moms go through similar things to me. I’m still grieving my early experiences when I’m reminded of them, but it’s nice to also think that I did the best I can and others’ opinions don’t matter. Also, I love Joey. She is so informative and thoughtful, I love hearing about systemic issues and how it related so well with personal experiences.

[@meganc1416]

This was such a validating episode. As a new mother who really wanted to breastfeed but my baby wouldn’t latch I felt like a failure. I wish I heard this back then. Thank you!

[@journeyofemily]

These conversations need to be had and I’m so glad you’re having them. It’s amazing to see them speak so candidly on such real issues that effect so many. If we could embrace each other’s stories with love and care the way they have in this video, the world would become a better place. Let’s start listening to each other and holding each other up like this.

[@kayleennilsson5542]

Thank you deeply to all of you. Thank you for this video interview.

[@janelismedina6364]

This episode came out at the exact right time for me and where I am in my breastfeeding journey. Thank you so much for your honesty. This is the validation I needed.

[@PinkCandySkies13]

This was one of my favorite episodes. Thanks for being so vulnerable - I know it must have been so hard ❤❤ this will help so so many people

[@stephaniechavarria5545]

I’m crying watching this. Currently 3 months postpartum exclusively pumping. Love you girls!

[@simonsaysism]

Joey is so interesting and well-spoken, looking forward to their next appearance on the pod

[@UsherLover13100]

This is by far my favorite Pod episode yet. It is so hard in general to be a mom and it can feel like walking through the world blindly and it is so comforting to see 4 women open up and be so truthful and vulnerable

[@BrandiLM93]

I can’t believe I watched this video so late. You have no idea how this makes me feel.l 🥺I feel validated that I chose to formula feed. Sarah’s experience and everything she said was me! It’s still me. I do not regret my decision at all to formula feed but I do have that small guilt and feel judged. It’s like I have to have a good excuse not to breastfeed. It’s BS and I hate to feel that way. This video truly did help. No one talks about this and I think everyone should talk about this and normalize YOU DONT HAVE TO BREASTFEED. Your mental health is so important for yourself to be there for your baby. Your baby will be healthy and happy no matter if they’re breastfed or formula fed. You’re amazing moms! Thank you for this video ❤

[@jordannickel-dubin9851]

Thank you so much for this. I don't have children yet, but I have wanted to be a mommy for as long as I can remember. I had a double mastectomy two years ago, and knowing I will not be able to breastfeed my future babies still breaks my heart. This really helped and helped pre-validate

[@carriewilkinson8315]

❤❤❤ this video! Making supper and listening, wanting to cry. My two are now 11 and 15. I had the worst time trying to breast feed, pumping, on meds to get milk to come in and it just wasn’t happening. I had one nurse who told me that there are children out there starving so don’t stress yourself out.

[@chelseaslade-keirstead6189]

Best advice I was giving was from a home visit nurse when my 1st was 1 mth old. We struggled the first month with sleep, he refused to sleep on his back, which is what was told at the time is the only way they should sleep. So we were only sleeping by me being in a lazy boy with him on my chest. The nurse told me to just let him sleep on his belly. Generations were told stomach was the way they have to sleep. She told me that the best thing was for us both to sleep. So that’s what I did, and after 2 days of no sleep with my 2nd I again put him on his belly. Both my kids (now 11 & 7) were stomach sleepers with their butts in the air.

[@ShannonMahaneyBlogger]

I needed to watch this today. When Rachel talked about motherhood not being what she envisioned, I felt that. I still feel that at times. Thank you for sharing!

[@CC-ts8qi]

My daughter was formula fed from day one, then needed high calorie formula because of a CHD. Everyones circumstances are different, shes 19 months now and i havent spoken about formula/breastfeeding since she stopped having milk, and other mums of kids the same age dont mention it either, it is so so nice 😂 at the end of the day they all want a mcdonalds over an apple 😂❤❤

[@brittytattat11]

This episode is so important, I wish I would’ve have had this when I had my baby. She just turned 1 and we just stopped breastfeeding a couple weeks ago. I remember those first couple months just crying on the couch while feeding her because I felt like I still didn’t have my body back and that i never left the couch because I had to feed her so often. I hated pumping with a passion and would only do it if I absolutely needed to (ie. had to leave her with someone for a couple hours). At around 8 months we substituted with some formula and that was a life changer, but I still in some ways felt like a failure because my goal was to exclusively breastfeed for a year. I was putting so much pressure on myself for no reason. I wish I would’ve been kinder to myself in my breastfeeding journey.

[@gabiwasabi2249]

Having Joey on this podcast added so much! Thanks Joey for being on this podcast 💕💕💕

[@deejmusic]

Crying at the part about mourning not getting the golden hour and having your baby be whisked away instead because someone else needs to take care of them :’) I went on autopilot mode when that happened and my son had to be medevaced to another hospital and I couldn’t catch up until the NEXT day. This was after 3 MCs as well so I was a mess and feeling like such a failure. Loved this episode! Much needed to help other moms process their trauma and grievances!

[@ambermanke757]

Omg, thank you for the validation Sarah! My younger sisters were bfing queens but I tried for a month and then went fully formula. I was very sick, weak and anxious after a traumatic birth and I didn’t want to keep beating myself up. Got shit from everyone I thought was my village. Fuck that. It wasn’t for me, for my mental health and my relationship didn’t suffer.

[@Beccaboo2341]

My due date is tomorrow and I’ve been stressing so bad and just completely worried about so much of what you all talked about and it just made me feel so much better! Thank you for being so open and honest with all of your experiences 😭❤️

[@aanawenjigewin]

I also forgot, you ladies are so RIGHT about it being ok needing help. It’s SO hard to realize when you’re in the trenches you’re not ok and should get help. I had PPA and thought “well of course I’m struggling, being a new parent is hard! I’ll be better once baby is easier on me.” Just suffering through the pain made me worse. I’m so thankful that my NP insisted I at least reach out to a PPA/PPD support group. I needed that extra help even though I didn’t feel deserving.

[@sarahconstant8789]

Thank you ladies for making this episode and talking about this stuff. I exclusively pumped for my daughter for 10 months and honestly…I wish I hadn’t. It was so miserable sometimes I would just cry for twenty minutes while I pumped because I hated it so much. But my baby was a NICU baby and I was guilt ridden feeling like my body had failed her letting her come so early that it was my way of self-punishing myself by forcing my body to “at least take care of her right THIS way”. It was super awful and wrong thinking.

[@toddcee8151]

god i relate to this so much. my son was a NICU baby and i exclusively pumped for the first year. it was horrible and i don’t even know how i did it. that feeling of having to at least do something right when you’ve already CREATED them with your body is awful and so hard to see past in the moment 😭

[@ashleymorn__]

In the beginning stages of figuring out what having a kid is gonna look like after thinking I would never have one and I’m so grateful for episodes like this. The validation and openness is so appreciated. Thank y’all for this episode

[@indiaclark2632]

Listening while breastfeeding my 1week old, love the honesty throughout

[@baby93roses]

Thank you for talking about some of this. Me, 31 with a 14 month old. I couldn't feed the way they tell you, 15mins on each side. He wouldn't id fight him, and hate myself. It turned out he was eating enough on 1 side within 5 mins. I hated pumping. After so long, I couldn't and stopped. He gained weight as expected. But for awhile it sucked. I only really have my spouse. I don't have a village. And there are many days I don't and didn't get out of the house or able to step away. My mom, was babysitting so I could as least go back to work and after 1 week said she wouldn't. Had to leave. Having that 3.5 doing something other than feeding, changing and sleeping. It is still rough some days. I've got 1 friend I've called a few times with questions, but my anxiety hates bothering someone because we as moms are "supposed" to know how to do everything and always be happy.

[@marleytfm]

Super thankful I found this episode while feeding my 3 week old, so helpful and encouraging

[@sarahkresse]

I've never had kids and don't really want to and this made me cry just in female solidarity. These kind of female centric, super honest conversations are so nice. More please.

[@imaginarysea]

Breastfeeding is such a thing that is different from mom to mom and baby to baby. My first was 11 weeks early and I wasn't able to breast feed him for months. But I eventually got him on full time breast by 4 months old and he nursed for 2 years. I LOVED it. It was super validating and I made so much milk I was able to donate to other Preemie moms. Then my daughter was born 6 months after I stopped nursing my son. And it was SOOOOO hard to breastfeed her! It was so frustrating. I felt like I was failing her and didn't understand why it was so easy for him (even with him being a preemie and all those challenges) but so hard with her and she was full term and had a great birth. Again, baby to baby, mom to mom. All experiences are different and all valid.

[@muziquinn]

I have a 15 month old, still breastfeeding and IT IS SO HARD. Some (most) days I want to scream! I appreciate this talk so much. I feel so validated.