Becoming "THAT GIRL", internalized misogyny and online female tropes

[@KristenLeo]

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[@michaeldineenSG2018]

Hypocrite.

[@itsmargi5076]

I love the American Psycho satire for this. This is honestly just an aesthetic version of the Cool Girl trope in media.

[@giuliapasanisidefoscarini]

I feel like they’re quite different tropes, with the Cool Girl being the “put together BUT chill” (aka skinny but eats fast food) that appeals to men while That Girl doesn’t care about appearing “Chill”, she is put together and healthy and has boundaries, doesn’t necessarily appeal to men or women but just the idea of a better version of oneself

[@jojopatrice19]

they are kind of opposites though, cool girl does her thing to attract men, that girl does her thing regardless of men (or anyone)

[@invaderzim6904]

@@giuliapasanisidefoscarini true plus I hate how the “that girl trend” is a very specific aesthetic of girl you never see “that girl” be any kind of alternative cool style it’s always that wear expensive athletic clothes that you don’t even exercise in lol like istg all those girls that mad that girls own at least one pair of lululemons

[@chamomilde3140]

I think the 'that girl' routine is emblematic of a bigger problem: toxic productivity. If you are neurodivergent you might need routine to survive. If you are disabled, you might find the 'that girl' routine unattainable. Both perspectives coexist. However I think the problem is when "that girl" routines become the standard and or/peak of what women or humans should be. It makes chronically ill people feel like our worth is based on our productivity.

[@eiriniport3334]

Absolutely agree

[@Airam462]

Yes! As a neurodivergent person with a disability I really need my routines to function normally but they also need to be very flexible because of my disability. It is a constant balancing act. I find myself wishing I could just do things when I want to but I can't because of my body and "that girl routine" being glorified online does not help. It makes me feel worse bacuse I can't be that productive and do so many things every day. Because let's be honest many "that girl routines" are more about productivity than taking care of yourself. I'm all for taking care for yourself and setting healthy routines or good work-life-leisure time balance. However I feel that the "that girl routine" is used to make women do even more, even more productive, like every second has to be planned or accounted for. At least this kind of content has been pushed to my feeds more.

[@thiseconomyiscra_y]

Agreed.

[@leschatsmusicale]

Absolutely. I am chronically ill. I want to be productive and get things done but my body can't do things. It has been hard coming to terms with how society only puts value on how productive you are.

[@manurossini2965]

💯💯💯

[@celinepope]

As someone with ADHD, hearing people hate on routines as though they're unhealthy...?! Gworl. I needs them routines. I need them rules.

[@KristenLeo]

🤝 yes yes and yes

[@Atenana]

My thoughts exactly!

[@welovemaddy]

I feel this so much! I can watch the "that girl"-videos and they just remind me how I want to start my day. For the same reason I like aestetic vlog channels. Sometime it feels like a manual for my neurodiverse brain.

[@celinepope]

@@welovemaddy lmao yes, a manual! I've never put a word to why I live those things but it's bc they're a manual for me.

[@welovemaddy]

@@celinepope 😁😁😁😁

[@karenespinoza5052]

The “That girl” trend inspired me to take better care of myself. I’m relatively poor but I’ve managed to modify it so it can be in my reach. I feel like this is the one internet trend that isn’t all about participating in consumerism but rather about being the best you can be.

[@elzawithasmile]

Yes, for me I think it's more about setting a routine for yourself, whatever that my be in one's case.

[@tms3119]

I think that's true and the creator in this video is showing what happens on the extreme side when the trend is taken too religiously

[@l6318]

The only thing I've personally gotten out of this trend is drinking more water, and tbh, it's one of the better decisions I've made for my health this year. I'm glad things are working out for you, and I agree that this lifestyle is very doable while also rejecting overconsumption/consumerism.

[@rootedinland6823]

What bugged me about the That Girl trend was the evident class component. Like, only women who have certain types of jobs are able to have these routines, be it because they're self-employed, work from home, work part-time in white collar jobs, can count on other people's incomes, etc. It's good to take care of yourself, yes, and to do it not for others but for your own benefit. But not every woman can do that, not because they don't want to, simply because they're unable to. Now, I wasn't aware that it had already become a trope and yet another way to deride women's interests and to pit women against each other. Yikes. My criticism was aimed at the capitalist system that doesn't let everyone partake in this lifestyle, not at the women who do it, because hey, if you can do it, go for it! But like capitalism, the patriarchy never rests. I thought we were past the point of ridiculing women simply for doing things, but I guess not.

[@olivianaidimwa6925]

Exactly!!

[@thiseconomyiscra_y]

The first thing I've thought about this trend is "probably only rich women who have all the time in the world can do all of those" because the routine they do definitely needs time and money to invest in it. Women are either too busy in work or school, have no money to waste to have a well-balanced meal/gym/aesthetic that girl has, or too depressed to even wake up at 6 AM and list things they are grateful for afterwards. Sometimes we need to see these kinds of things to be inspired to do better, I know I do that and watch "that girl" vids frequently, but oftentimes without guidance it can set a high expectation that this is all that you have to have to do self-care and achieve productivity, which can be more destructive than helpful.

[@tombradydid9114]

We have gone past it but women are too stupid to see it.

[@nellien4802]

‘We’re taught as women that taking care of ourselves is being selfish’ may have changed my life.

[@dinodino5602]

And to never put us first

[@warishaislam5243]

I audibly said “WOOOW!” when I saw your hair. OH. MY. GOD. IT LOOKS SO GOOD!

[@ways.of.unseeing]

Someone had to finally say this. While there is certainly a valid criticism surrounding the issue of elitism within the particular scenario among a lot of influencers (such as expensive skincare routines, product placements etc), the overall criticism certainly has an extremely shady undertone. Elitism, classism, product placements, and gentrification are larger serious matters that should be addressed properly instead of pigeonholing tropes and attacking women for living a disciplined life. Making 'that girl' such a buzzword is firstly extremely sexist as the terminology suggests, given that the same criticism is hardly used on male lifestyle influencers (and there are many who are far more problematic than 'that girl'), and secondly, also kinda ableist towards those with autism, ADHD and executive dysfunction disorder who need routines to cope up with daily life.

[@angelikabatwoman]

Agreed! The problem is the system and fucking capitalism that tries to sell that girl all this stuff she needs to become that girl. Of course it's marketed to young white single women, they usually live in a first world country with no kids, so they have more money to buy that stuff. Then shitting on them personally does not make it any better.

[@KristenLeo]

SO well put! 👏

[@ways.of.unseeing]

@@KristenLeo OMG THANKS FOR THE REPLY * freaks out *

[@camila7545]

Exactly. I live in argentina where matcha doesn't even exist

[@rafaellamota9108]

@@camila7545 I'm brazilian. I refer to matcha as "the green stuff"

[@sonaurli]

the intro was honestly iconic✨ I’ve noticed that whenever girls and women start a trend or make a trope popular, someone will inevitably start hating on it 💀 I’m glad you talked about it and showed how being “that girl” can actually be helpful (to you, at least!) instead of just tearing into it - it’s definitely important to mention that being “that girl” works and means different things for different people❤️

[@dominiqueduval8834]

I feel like my generation (Gen Z) is the only generation that could make drinking water, exercise, and reading books a toxic thing. It's like no one can think for themselves anymore.

[@RedHearts178]

!!!!

[@lori3670]

I'm dead 😂😂 you're spot on

[@nkk_23]

to be honest, it's only perceived as "toxic" in niche online communities. none of these things in real life, even within our generation, are truly perceived as toxic. the bigger issue here is that these people are so chronically online that they criticise the next new thing right after it gets popular.

[@en2336]

no one said those things are bad...is this what they call strawmanning?

[@louisa3928]

Lol

[@leporiaantic]

I think my issue with "That Girl" is setting a standard for yourself that may be unattainable, especially when you have a disability, you have kids, you're depressed, etc. As an extremely insecure recovering anorexic, this issue is something that I guess I'm not very mature about. I saw what you were eating, and I immediately got triggered. "I have to do xyz because she did it, and when I did it, it made me feel better". I'd love to say I'm not a follower, but I am to some extent. I'm unique, but I just want to adapt and thrive in the world as a young woman who is respected and viewed in a certain light. I do think women are pitted against each other. Why can't we just strive for health? Why do we have to force ourselves in to a mold that we set for ourselves instead of adapting to life in the healthiest way we can? I personally cannot have a "that girl" life. My life is eating whenever the hell I want, whatever I want, and I had to even stop doing yoga for a bit because It was getting in to disordered territory. Everyone has opinions. People squabble on the internet all the time, and not everyone has the emotional where-with-all to truly take accountability for their words. They need to understand what they said is wrong, but we also have to meet hate with reason and action. These people aren't just hating people, they are taking their hurt out on the people that partake in the "that girl" lifestyle. Hate stems from hurt. All we can do is ask those women to be more respectful and understand that they may not be ready to become as civilized towards other women on the internet as we'd all like them to be. We can raise awareness about the pain in our society that stems from hustle culture, soci-economic status, etc. At the end of the day, it really comes down to money and to funding a society where mental health care and hospitals are more accessible to everyone. If we put our money where our mouths are, we may see less bitterness on the internet, and just in general. Kind of a romantic concept, but we can try.

[@KristenLeo]

It’s truly heartbreaking that so many women struggle with body and diet issues. The world has really effed us up and ruined some of the most basic things in our lives. I’m glad you’re not letting it win though!

[@leporiaantic]

@@KristenLeo Thanks! Luv your stuff!

[@rba4377]

I was a bit confused on why people were going off at people having a structured routine with befecial things for them. I just never understood why it became.e popular though as the average person can't do half of the typical that girl routine as we dont control our working schedule and we have to commute and squeeze everything in our feel free seconds to breath each day lol

[@leporiaantic]

@@rba4377 I get what you're saying. Some people have a hard time taking care of themselves, so they take their frustrations and perhaps envy out on others. That isn't right. I'm simply saying that putting an archetypal image to health isn't the healthiest thing in the world for everyone. That may not be what the "That Girl" wave is about, but I took it that way (cuz I'm envious and depressed), and that is valid. People can do what they want, and I love that people are thriving and taking care of themselves. If this helps them do it, great. I personally feel like the title of this movement implies a personification of perfection; rendering health as a surface level image. This is probably because I'm insecure and have a lot of self-work and therapy to do. I could look at it as harmless, but I'm not there in my life yet and that's ok. I need support in order to achieve my definition of health, and I can still do what I can to take care of myself, sprinkling in hydration; intellectual stimulation, exercise, etc. Some people have a right to be hurt by it, but that doesn't mean it's cool for them to judge/harass others. Some folks aren't ready/built for that lifestyle, and that's ok.

[@rba4377]

@@leporiaantic yes i mostly agree with you. maybe it was not clear when i first wrote it. I just meant routines can help a lot of people but for a lot of us we can me quite limited to what we can control in our lives :) xo

[@wildrayy]

Your garden is so beautiful 😍 you also reminded me of a 70s or 80s news broadcaster. I do like that girl idea, but the fact that it’s called a trend I don’t like. I wish there was more inclusivity and diversity in that kind of the “trends”, and online criticism of the lack of it is valid in my opinion. Ironically, I have a self-care and lifestyle blog 😂but I make sure to mention not to pressure yourself and find things that work for you. I think jumping into lifestyle trends without learning what works and is good for you, can indeed be dangerous.

[@Kiki-Delivering]

I almost didn’t watch this cause I saw the title and thought it was just going to be another ripping into this “trope”, I don’t know why I would ever lack faith in you. Your commentary is always fantastic. What’s funny is I didn’t know what “that girl” is although I have heard about it (I’m not on TikTok much). My subconscious was just like no bagging on women please, it was a feeling more than a thought to not watch. Which is crazy to think that would be my instant reaction to something about women (being unsure I want to handle another bashing fest). This video was so spot on.

[@eviozyra6300]

I think what other women are mad about is that living the "that girl" Life is very unrealistic for most working women/moms and its a privilege that most women can't afford.

[@august4114]

I agree with your point that women are tear down other women for literally any reason, but the criticism I saw of That Girl was directed at the trend and the culture of perfectionism, and how, as with most lifestyle content on social media, That Girl makes life seem super aesthetic and ideal when that probably isn't the case in their own life. It can encourage disordered eating and body image issue as well I also have mixed feelings about it. I think making artistic/inspirational lifestyle content isnt inherently toxic. It can motivate someone to take care of themselves and maybe learn about healthy practices in an entertaining way. As you say everyone has coping mechanisms, why not promote and idealize ones that lengthen your lifespan, if done with moderation? Why not try to achieve a certain aesthetic as motivation for self care? Does it always have to devolve into anxiety and perfectionism? I don't know.

[@BeaGiusti]

I completely agree!

[@rba4377]

I was a bit confused on why people were going off at people having a structured routine with befecial things for them. I just never understood why it became.e popular though as the average person can't do half of the typical that girl routine as we dont control our working schedule and we have to commute and squeeze everything in our feel free seconds to breath each day lol

[@shironerisilk]

Living in a world where women hate each other so much is so tiring. It's tiring if you partake, and it's tiring if you try to avoid it with all of your strength. What I feel is that I can never fully relax, because even my mother, my sister, and my friends will attack me at any moment and that's very painful because we were taught to be like this (especially since I'm Latina and I feel like in these cultures is somehow even worse than in the US or Europe). I deeply envy how men interact with each other, especially knowing that as a cis woman I will never have THAT kind of freedom and friendship, neither with men nor with women.

[@Kittikee10]

please don't lose all hope! great female friendships have always existed and persevered even though we've always been taught misogyny. please don't write them off so easily

[@shironerisilk]

@@Kittikee10 thank you for your kind comment. I really don't want to but sometimes it feels really hopeless (like when I wrote that). I will champion female friendship until I die but it is a bit disheartening not to actually experience it. But you are right, there's still hope.

[@everydaysaschool-day7517]

It's so awesome to hear your take on this trend. I think there's nothing inherently wrong with it, unless you are doing it from a place of hating yourself or if you put yourself under so much pressure to live like that perfectly. I also think it has to be acknowledged that it's easier to live this lifestyle if you work from home/for yourself. I'm a teacher and I'm out of my house for at least 10 hours per day and I have a lot of work to do outside of those hours. It's so challenging to be 'That Girl' when time deprived xxx

[@KristenLeo]

Very true, goes to show that the bare minimum of having some time to devote to yourself through the day isn’t available to so many. The fact that the basic routines of that girl are seen as a luxury because of full time work and commuting taking up an overwhelming amount of time is insane. Rather than seeing this is another flaw of capitalism we blame that girl and divide ourselves even further…

[@everydaysaschool-day7517]

@@KristenLeo Yes exactly! I've watched those 'That Girl' videos and felt envious and animosity towards the girls for having the time and money to be able to take care of themselves like that. I've never thought of it like that before but you are so right. It's not the girls' fault - it's the system that we exist within. I'm a teacher, which in the UK is a ridiculously hard job with a heavy workload. But it doesn't have to be this way at all. Teaching should need me to work so hard and have no time left over to look after myself x

[@rachaelf5903]

I’m so glad this video exists. When I first clicked on it I thought you were about to add to the “that girl” is toxic trope but you literally said everything I wanted to. It’s not the influencers’ fault that the predominant imagery is white, skinny and privileged. That’s literally the type of people who are the most popular lifestyle influencers in the first place so no shit their videos will be the most popular. It’s not right but it doesn’t mean they’re guilty of perpetuating classism, racism, EDs etc just by participating in a trend they like.

[@makeup_onhermind]

I honestly feel like it is ALSO the other way around. Stiving to be "that girl" and putting her on a pedestal ist ALSO internalized misogyny to a certain extent. She's the good girl, the pretty girl, the girl that eats well and works out and looks young and focuses on all that, and yea on the one hand it's self-care, but on the other it also plays into a trope of women being "good girls" and that making them more valuable in society.

[@lafbrito]

This is a refreshing take. I adopted a lot of That Girl habits and honestly they make me feel much better about myself. I don't think it's for everyone, but whatever makes you feel good is worth doing!

[@4sleepless]

at this point i think the healthiest decision for our mental stability and making good foundations for adulthood is getting off of social media... we are constantly looking at other peoples formulas for success and its inevitable that we start to resent ourselves when we cant completely apply their tips and tricks. we resent other women for finding a routine that works for them, yet we are all for empowerment. taking a step away from all this influence we would have no choice but to work on ourselves and eventually find a routine that fits into our lifestyle. getting inspiration is great but at this point we are simply diminishing putting effort into things bc it's cooler to seem effortless. nothing in life comes to you without effort and by seeing everyone as our competition we are alienating ourselves. we are not meant to live like this and if we could create a distance between real life and online life, im 100% that we would be happier and healthier, each in our own individual way, without caring so much about what other people do and think!

[@erinskilbrei]

Something that always confused me about «that girl», is that it only seems fully possible if you don’t have a normal full time job away from home. I teach teenagers for a living, and it’s not very zen 😂 Work from 8-16, 20 minutes of lunch, and no room for procrastination because classes happen no matter if you’re ready or not. BUT I do go to bed early, shower and eat by routine, and I feel like that keeps me from going insane. I’m rooting for everyone who takes control over the chaos in their lives! 💪🏼

[@calliecollins5533]

I love your takes. I’ve been existing in a way that could be seen as “that girl”-esque for a couple of years and I wondered why people suddenly started acting like the way I and other women like me take care of ourselves is a bad thing. I appreciate having a structured daily routine because the world is a chaotic place, and it brings me peace knowing I have a certain degree of control over my me time. I also appreciate that some people aren’t like me, and would rather be more laid back in the morning and evening, perhaps because it’s the antithesis to “go go go”. That’s perfectly good. Of course, like most things, either one can get out of hand for some people, but The Internet™️ isn’t responsible for dictating that. It begs the age old question… why can’t women just exist without being ridiculed?

[@Cubblebat]

I'm so glad you said it. I took on the That Girl lifestyle. I love it. It saves me money and keeps my brain on track. I'm delighted with this video. Well done. I'm so sick of women who shit on the lifestyle of other women.

[@stacyglez6099]

I know people have loved to hate on this trend for a while, but it legit has also helped me start being healthier so I could never understand the criticisms of them being "too perfect" or whatever. Possibly becausd I'm okay with not doing it aestherically, but I am also working on the aesthetics because beautiful stuff makes life nice.

[@ways.of.unseeing]

Same here

[@KristenLeo]

Yes! Aesthetics are always demonized, it’s not fair for libras 😩

[@SpiritualAttitudeSage]

@@KristenLeo or Leo's 😬

[@louisa3928]

Same for me, it inspires me more than everything

[@Leezachuck]

oh i was scared when i saw it in my feed, but needlessly thank god, your takes never disappoint. i've been guilty of hate-watching all these video essays about the inherent toxicity of this "trope" and grinding my teeth throught which is admittedly not very that girl of me. people have been making contests of questionable habits/coping skills for years and suddenly some women are putting effort into self-improvement and THAT is problematic? like, i get that it can be anxiety-inducing for some, but nothing is for everybody and many others(including myself) found it helpful, so "live and let live" works best here. miss me with these "wellness shouldnt be work" narratives, because maintaining a clean living space, hygiene routine, stocked fridge and work-relax schedule IS work (and work out literally has the word work in it like come on). expecting people to either have it all effortlessly or not try is more unrealistic.

[@yasmin4299]

the color purple starts out sad, but it gets progressively more optimistic and hopeful. it's one of my favorite books.

[@qmkt]

The visuals! The greenery, the hair, the light all absolutely amazing. Just needed to say because it looks like a wonderful dream

[@KajaKubicka]

the intro is a masterpiece!!

[@arinaira1417]

I always admire people who have routine though. But I understand I'm a messy person and sometimes need a spontaneous things in life to cure maladaptive perfectionism. I'm glad the routine has helped you!

[@konpulsiv]

Taking care of yourself is fine, even awesome, and especially for women*, who are often denied this basic human right. I get your point there. But in my opinion, last year when the 'that girl' videos truly were poppin' out everywhere, to me it kind of seemed to set a very unrealistic standard of what 'taking care of oneself' should look like. for me personally, after watching video after video of effortlessly skinny women doing yoga at 6 am, staying repleted for half a day after eating a salad and a smoothie, it made me feel like a complete failure. This is not to mean that women* or really anybody shouldn't follow a 'that girl' routine if it's what makes them happy. But watching videos that did point out that it *can* , for some, set an ideal that is simply not attainable for them and make them feel bad abt themselves, helped me to accept that it's simply not what I can manage to do, and that it's ok. I don't think those videos are always neccessarily women* hating women* .

[@littletinyegg]

Just curious why the asterisk?

[@willowsilver1284]

@@littletinyegg I think they're using the asterisk to indicate they're not just talking about cis women but are also including trans women as well as people who are usually perceived as women despite not self identifying as such (non binary female people for example). There are other terms for this but women with an asterisk might be more easily understood by people not familiar with these other terms.

[@konpulsiv]

@@littletinyegg Because when I speak about 'women*' here, I mean every person who is either a woman or has been socialized as a woman, so I'm including the asterisk to represent all trans or non binary persons to whom that might apply. (As I'm referring to negative psychological and or emotional impacts that have their origin in being raised as a woman in our society.)

[@rba4377]

Yes. I was a bit confused on why people were going off at people having a structured routine with befecial things for them. I just never understood why it became.e popular though as the average person can't do half of the typical that girl routine as we dont control our working schedule and we have to commute and squeeze everything in our feel free seconds to breath each day lol

[@noemi9985]

The intro was sick !! Was not expecting you to try it out the that girl routine but definitely made the analysis better

[@madamelicorne581]

I also like with that girls, that they don't act like these things don't cost time or energy. I feel like many things women do are supposed to be done 'in secret'. Like we are not supposed to talk about cleaning, exercising, 'dieting' (or just eating healthy), wearing makeup, skincare. I like that there are these influencers talking about these things.

[@emlish]

I personally have used my own imaginary "that girl" to list the things that I find appealing in other women, which was an exercise in breaking down my own jealousy. I am jealous of women who seem to be able to do it all, but I'm trying to turn that jealousy to inspiration. I've come a long way and am much better now at being happy for other people's success while also acknowledging and understanding what I want for myself (very hard!) and taking steps towards accomplishing that.

[@mothmustardseed1858]

GOD this opening is so good

[@rehapaul8772]

the thumbnail is so fire actually

[@phyliciajoykloes]

Yes, another powerful video from you, Kristen! I appreciate you sharing your thoughts with us as usual. Our own mind create the responses to what we see, and we for sure internalize ourselves how we see the world and the people within this world. Being conscious is a first step. Let's not participate in comparison and demeaning others. YES!

[@nefelionclouds]

The biggest problem I personally have with this whole "that girl" trend is that it gives me anxiety. What I associate with "that girl" is beautiful girls on TikTok posting about how they manage to live this super productive, seemingly stress free, balanced life style while also maintaining their inner peace and mental health... and I'm just left thinking "How do they manage all that?" It's not like I am mad that they are beautiful or that they have their lives together. But they present this perfect image of their lives on social media and make it all seem so easy and I'm just left feeling bad about myself because my life doesn't look like that and I'm struggling to balance all of these things. So to me, "that girl" content is just a reminder that I, and the way I live my life, are not good enough and I feel pressure to be more like these girls, but failing at it. I'm not saying that these girls should stop being productive and healthy in order for me not to feel self conscious. And maybe some people get inspired to improve their quality of life when they see this type of content. But personally, I would avoid looking at it. And besides that, it generally bothers me when people only depict the highlights of their lives on social media and I feel like "that girl" content falls under that category.

[@earthtoinez]

Ding ding ding! I'm ADHD so developing a routine and sticking to it is beneficial, but I also struggle with crippling anxiety which often leads to depression. I lost my job recently and have been flailing trying to reestablish a routine or even a smidgeon of balance. I love Kristen's very self-aware take on this trope and have nothing against "that girl," but I don't even know what being highly productive would actually look like for me right now (aside from job hunting for 40 hours a week or whatever). KZbin is the only social media I can use right now out of fear of everyone else's highlight reels including any unironic "that girl" content.

[@karl2624]

“You burn more calories when you’re unconscious. O fell out my chair lmaooooo

[@ki4ni]

This is my favorite take on this trend. I’m personally so glad we’re all starting to wake up to our own needs and unhelpful behaviors 🌟

[@anamarijabogataj2529]

the face mask blood is quite accurate. since I use a very popular peeling solution from the ordinary, which is a staple in "that girl" community 💀

[@KristenLeo]

That’s literally what I used as fake blood 😅

[@anamarijabogataj2529]

@@KristenLeo heheh knew it! also it's really toxic when it comes to skin care they're using, because it can potentionally be very harmful if not used properly 🙃

[@carmcal2871]

I think it is important to have compassion and consideration for the women who critique the “that girl” trend as well. While a critical perspective should be maintained, the women demonizing the “that girls” are also victims of a patriarchical structure that pits women against each other by filling their hearts with hatred that arises from a fear of being of lesser value compared to those who happen to conform to what society deems as desirable. With empathy and trust in the essential goodness of humanity, people will feel more open to considering other perspectives and changing for better.

[@angelikabatwoman]

Girl I can't tell you how much I loved this video! It was so healing.

[@rba4377]

I was also a bit confused on why people were going off at girls having a structured routine with befecial things for them. But I also just never understood why it became.e popular though as the average person can't do half of the typical that girl routine as we dont control our working schedule and we have to commute and squeeze everything in our feel free seconds to breath each day lol

[@7471-s5o]

the part about how we all indirectly uphold misogyny is so true. people always say “but society says…” WE are society. everyday we need to be mindful of the ways we enable harmful beliefs & habits. it’s better to reflect & adapt rather than complain about a trend we don’t find accessible/realistic.

[@jamielarsen3749]

I've been feeling lately that people around me only value me because I am a "conventionally beautiful woman". I have been looking for jobs in Graphic Design, and the amount of people I have interviewed with recently that tell me "you shouldn't be a graphic designer, you're too pretty to do something that is so hard and you need to be skilled at". I have a bachelor's degree, and I am currently working in a graphic design position, I am looking to get a better job than I currently have to get even more graphic design skills. It is very hard when people either talk to me like the only thing that I should concentrate on is how beautiful I am, or like I am a literal child that doesn't know what they want.

[@TheLunarFire]

Everyone's different but for me the issue with the that girl lifestyle/routine is that it makes me feel like a Sim trying to collect all their creativity, public speaking, etc points. And it just doesn't make me feel good to try to have the perfect day all the time.

[@iheartravi]

reminds me of your video "How To Be A True Fashionable Girl" love this type of video!

[@ThaysSobreda]

I totally agree with your approach, I think a few years ago the "super femine girl" was the most picked up and vilanized one. Now we created other "cathegories", tropes and stereothypes to continuing this vicious cicle of bashing women, it feells like you are never good enough until you are too good and too perfect, then you become a "toxic standart" and all that. It's a nighmare

[@Cosmicattt]

Thank you for this perspective! I felt a bit uneasy seeing all of the “that girl” critical content and I wasn’t able to exactly pinpoint why. Now I see my misogyny radar was going off lol

[@celialopez3621]

Always love hearing your thoughts and watching your creativity flow!

[@AryaKher]

" I am so sick of chilling!" ISTG I spit my water and laughed so hard XD !!!!

[@livybun]

Thank you for making this video. I've felt so conflicted by this type of content and now I'm realizing that the main reason I don't like it is because I feel a tinge of jealousy and internalized misogyny. Because I PERSONALLY compare myself and feel bad when I see "THAT GIRL" content, I assumed that most other women did the same thing and that means it is harmful content. I'm now rethinking my stance.

[@VioletSadi]

my 'that girl' housemate was a very control-minded person. I remember vividly when she left her key at home when she went out for 4 am pilates. She knocked her knuckles blistered against the door, and told me she was really only worried about me, for being asleep and unable to be roused at 5.30 am

[@flamingo6828]

Tbh, the topic you brought up about women being critiqued for putting effort into self care and their appearances, working for it instead of being inherently perfect, is really important. As a trans guy I relate to this topic, family members have criticized my identity and attempts to transition using the same arguments, belittling me for the same reason. that I'm working towards an identity where I would have earned pride in myself and be taking care of myself, they see this as selfish and shallow. rather than sticking to their rule that your gender has to match your biology "you should stay exactly the way you are and learn to love yourself that way." When the problem is, the way they want me to stay is the body of someone who was weak, people pleasing, and did not take care of, or advocate for themselves, that is the identity they want me to love and embody. I feel that there are a lot of similarities between how cis women's and trans bodies are policed and demeaned in this regard. We are condemned for our own self determination.

[@NatureFreak1127]

I am currently that-girling after a period of burnout, tons of work, anxiety and trauma. Today I have finally felt content, slightly happy even, for the first time in months. 😌 It is awesome! I resonate 100% with the video.♥️

[@penpolyon8179]

Girl youre looking amazing here, like a blend between 90s Kyle Minogue and 80s Sigourney Weaver

[@antoninatitkow8905]

Ughhh I agree so much. i really like watching "that girl" videos and to be honest, such content motivates me to improve my life in small ways. It feels so good to have a structure in a day, to eat healthy and do skincare every night. But... I also struggle with ED recovery and depression. And sometimes it is so hard to do anything... some days, I just don't have the energy. And then I remember all those girls that have their shit together and I get so angry. Because I'm jealous. But I'm aware the origin of such negative feelings, and just as you - I realise that it is MY problem and MY trigger, not their fault. Thank you for sharing your views on this topic!

[@katecolenbrander]

I loooove what you are saying here about internalized misogyny, that this ire is usually turned on the women themselves rather than the systems themselves. That the desire to change does not have to be rooted in hatred of one self but rather just simply be as it appears. as women we are constantly taught there is a competition of comparison and even if you distance yourself from it the reminders of that expectation to juxtapose your life to others are unavoidable However this argument can get pretty libertarian when it comes to rejecting the criticism around this trend. Call outs of how it only really benefits thin, white and upperclass (at least those who have free schedules to implement this routine) or how it is not only triggering to existing EDs but also has the potential to create them are still valid. Yes it isn't technically the fault of those benefiting of the systems of power that afford them popularity but it is still valid to critique the fact that 'that girl' is still presented as an ideal that few can achieve. Even the title of 'that girl' implies you must change yourself to participate rather than your routine. These video thumbnails, instagram posts and tiktoks are not presented with just pictures of meals and exercise bikes but rather often with a (often white) women's flat stomach in workout gear, face cropped. Like you said obsessiveness in any thing you do can and will be unhealthy, but that caveat doesn't make it into a tiktok.

[@elzawithasmile]

I've been freelancing from home and looking for a job this past month and feel like I've lacked routine and constancy in my life. So I think your video is pretty helpful for me to inspire from, as a person for whom is difficult to stay on a track with things. I always take these types of videos just as a blueprint, because I never think that the actual person making these videos sticks to the routine all the time a 100% and the type of things they use or do can be substituted or reworked for my lifestyle, because not everyone has the same set of cards dealt.

[@ank6675]

Oh wow this vide was so refreshing! There are a couple of lifestyle/fashion bloggers that I really enjoy watching and I feel as though I trust myself enough discern what applies to me and what doesn’t. While we are free to analyse I did notice my own disinterest in the heavy criticism of this trope (though I’m sure I’ve blindly partaken to some degree). It took me a day or so to click on this video because I thought it would be another one about the That Girl trope being misogynistic, so you can imagine my joy to see that you not only call out that criticism, but also try the routine and are like “this was actually helpful to me”. It feels like a relief now when someone can articulate to me what might actually be internalised misogyny. Then the process is easy- I see it, l let it go, I begin to feel happy for other women and get exited about what I am now aloud to enjoy myself. Like I’m suddenly so exited about the idea of doing a spin class!! Thank you. Ps My favourite lifestyle blogger is wearilive. kzbin.info Jenny’s vlogs always motivate my depressive ADHD ass out of bed, her style is really nice and the chanel is wholesome af.

[@stefflores]

so glad you brought that perspective. tive seen so many of those intellectual that go tear down videos lately like just watch something else!

[@angie4163]

while i'm sure the criticisms against "that girl" content have an element of misogyny (as most criticism against things women tend to like do) i'd say the classism that is supported by the idea of "that girl" is the biggest problem and can't be explained away with 'people are sexist.' the 'that girl' lifestyle requires a certain amount of money. low-income people can't really afford to eat like 'that girl', they can't afford to have the schedule of 'that girl,' they don't have the time and energy required to be 'that girl.' "Wake up at 6 AM because it' starts the day off right" sounds really rich to a person who has to get up that early anyway to get their kids to school and to work on time. now, if you don't have those kinds of problems and this lifestyle benefits you, great! absolutely great. i am so happy for anyone who is genuinely helped by this. but 'that girl' is idealized and positioned to be a product of good time management and willpower when it's only possible because the people doing it are privileged enough to be able to. to look at this movement and think 'well isn't that's nice for you, rich girl' isn't sexist. it's frustration at the fact they can live this kind of life and act like it's all about self control and meditation when it's actually about money.

[@Randomstuffs261]

Axe murdering is a great method of self care Yasss Queen

[@KristenLeo]

Part of my daily routine now 💅

[@scarletstarlet773]

That's some Rodion Raskolnikov shit lmao

[@Petdub]

I know a certain person in my class who I would consider to be “that girl” and she is sweet but most times when she talks to me, it seems it’s always about how well she is doing and how her routine is the best and she’s better than me. I know this is counterproductive for the video because it is in defence of them, but in my experience with ONE person who I’d consider “that girl” - it has been a very narcissistic, condescending and a rude one. I watch a lot of “that girl” content I’d say, just because it makes me feel more confident and the tips are valuable! I could never see myself being “that girl” because I consider myself unorganised, unacademic and not motivated. I enjoy seeing “that girl” content but in my few experiences with this one girl, it’s kinda been fake and it seems as I bore her unless it’s about how good her work looks and how good she looks etc. Because I group her in the “that girl” genre, I don’t see all of them to be that way but it’s always a lurking thought that maybe “those girls” can be toxic in a really positive way if that makes sense 😅

[@Maaraaw]

It's nice to see you taking care of yourself 🌼

[@vashti2389]

"I don't want to chill anymore!" Girl, me too!!

[@micivalantincic8227]

So not having social media made me completly miss this trend. Not crying over it:) loved the intro:) well done

[@franz3810]

same

[@ferventfei]

this video makes me want to try out a routine of my own. as someone who has a mental illness and very emotion based, ive always thought it just wouldnt work for me since i would do work when i feel like it until im tired. but i think having a routine could lessen the chances of me spiraling and ill just try to be more gentle with myself during days when its hard and i have to ditch the routine. also, i love your commentary so much especially the last few minutes of the video. its understandable that people with more privilege could follow the 'that girl' routine more easily, but it is not the fault of the lifestyle, but instead it's the society we live in.

[@Beutolomaeus]

I think a lot of women (including me) need to keep track of the perfectionism that society has taught us. Meaning: when theres trends on optimizing whatever part of life, every individual needs to be careful not to lean into it too much. But also check what small parts of trends might work for you: as many people in the comments have pointed out, routines are essential to a lot of chronically ill people - but for some they might trigger something bad! We should encourage everyone to individually check & reflect for themselves what works and what doesnt, its not just black and white, everyone has their own way 🙂

[@martycosplay]

Girl I love you, I can't with your sense of humour, that intro killed me (not literally as I'm not your enemy ofc!) 😂😂😂😂😂

[@unpaintedcanvas]

As a trans woman only realizing she was trans a couple of years ago, I especially relate to your broader talk of internalized misogyny. It's something that's surreptitiously sneaked more and more into everyday life. For instance, in my subjects of interest, IT and math, I'm much more critical of myself and my abilities pertaining to STEM even when I've obviously grown more knowledgeable with time.

[@wilmawanker367]

Okay. This is the best video I have ever seen. Sorry I’m binging your content but I promise I am doing productive things with my limbs🙃

[@doobie1414]

OMG the short hair looks so good on you i could only wish

[@benzosiara]

ill be completely honest. i use "that girl" content as productivity p0rn to help me get up and do something. is it just guilt tripping myself into productivity? definitely. but does it actually work for me? to an extent, yes. also as far as a lot of criticism could be made about the foods promoted by influencers who openly participate in this trend, i used to look at their recipes for some low calorie, "guilt-free" foods and...realised their diets are twice as caloric as mine 💀 so id say that when a person with a healthy relationship with food sees that content, it might have a bad influence on them - to people like me, it serves the same purpose as watching "supersize vs superskinny"; blowing up my ego. none of these are good and should definitely be discussed a lot more. i think it has the potential to promote healthy habits and healthy diets, but falls flat with how often these girls shame those who dont conform. the american psycho reference was on point - its all about conformity.

[@mariannaingegneri]

i watched this video in the PERFECT timing, thank you

[@haydnsayshi]

9:19 THIS OUTFIT, that girl could NEVER look this gorgeous ✨✨✨✨

[@mikaela__]

god i love you and your ability to discuss things with nuance, i know that doesn’t sound like a compliment, but i feel like most people that make content online sharing their opinions tend to jump to extremes because i guess that gets more engagement? idk

[@iheartravi]

you NEED to make a podcast

[@anamarijabogataj2529]

+1 for that!! miss gurl WE are waiting

[@julietteprt5673]

That's a great idea, I'd love to listen to her podcast

[@Hannah-fq4gq]

The discussion at the end was so thought provoking, thank you! Also I love your cat :)

[@mariachryseli1914]

I'm so surprised cause I was watching a girl singing in a music festival two days ago and my thoughts made me feel so misogynistic. And I was like wow where is this coming from? Why are you not happy with this girl? And you've just made a video about misogyny! It's like I just had a really nice conversation about the topic:) thank you Kristen.

[@Michelle-bk5uq]

I really enjoy watching your videos. Thank you for making them.

[@TangoMasterclass]

Yes, great video! Good selfcare, reading books, healthy fresh foods, physical excercise, nature! Never knew that was the 'that girl' trend. So my "boring" alchoholfree, drugfree, smokefree, vegan, active, reading-every-day lifestyle finally became trendy :-)

[@zoehsam]

I always feel so safe on your channel Kristen, thank you for that

[@userzquid]

Your hair at 12:00 is fabulous!!! Love the big curls!

[@nobody__413]

Omg I love every thing about this video your style the sunlight aaaaaaaa

[@Lily-ni5po]

On the one hand, it is true that women's behaviours are much more intensely scrutinised and criticised. I mean even violence against women is too often explained by looking at women's behaviours including what romance novels we've read. That Girl is just one more example of this. That's definitely true. On the other hand, I would advise caution in any trend marketed to any gender that promotes self-discipline and self-denial (waking up early, eating a controlled diet, working a set amount of hours, etc). Same with hussle culture started out with men. Our economic system rewards and glamourises these ideas (robots are the best workers), and this can lead us to not listening to our own limits and to internalise negative feelings about ourselves because none of us can ever meet these demands fully nor should we strive to. It can easily lead to some pretty unhealthy places. Anyway, social media are the real problem here, not the women playing by the rules of these platforms.

[@user-je4eh9ht1k]

You really changed my mind on That Girl. Perhaps I felt insecure about how I manage my own life, but I did disapprove of this disciplined lifestyle bc I thought it's just another confining scheme that categorises women and puts more pressure on perfectionism when we already juggle so many plates just by existing. However, maybe some women NEED that structure and discipline and can use it to their advantage to grow into the best versions of themselves. I'm gonna start giving us the benefit of the doubt and stop quickly and wrongfully assuming the worst. Heck I might even try this lifestyle myself. My internal misogyny has been called OUT but I'm grateful. Thank you.

[@MarinaStanek]

Your intro is truly amazing 💜

[@KristenLeo]

🪓👹 thank you!

[@damondominique]

WAIT I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO USED ENDEL. MY SECRET IS ✨OUT✨

[@reginasadang1589]

I LOVE YOU BOTH. COLLAB.

[@gabrielaloaiza9064]

Cool critic... When I first watch a "that girl video" I felt really inspired and then other opinions came up and felt really guilty. I guess that everything in life should be a balance, but nothing wrong with having a routine that is good for us!

[@pascale.a.w1293]

This video is so beautifully shot and true! Loved everything you said

[@BreeonaNechole]

Ms. Kristen this video was spot on. I’m so selfish and it throws ppl off. 😂 I highly recommend for you to keep reading the color purple. It is sad but it’s so much more than just the trauma. A lot of women in my community relate to the stories told. One of my favs! They’re remaking the movie right now also.

[@KristenLeo]

💗 thank you Breeona! I’ll keep reading definitely, at least I’m now prepared 😅

[@karoldavv]

this is such an incredibly refreshing perspective to hear. thank you! keep up the great work

[@lovelessloretta6938]

The color purple being a sad story is truly an understatement

[@verysabi]

Omg omg you look amazing outside I love it!!! also Loved the intro and I still love your hair you look like you're from a movie I would love

[@Oriental_Hibiscus]

I watched @AliceCappella commentary video on “That girl “ trope and it was quite good!! Most time it is the viewer (us) who are directly or indirectly influencing influencer to do same type of video that we are comfortable watching them doing- for example commentary you-tuber are criticised for doing other things than commentary. And in the same way lifestyle bloggers are obliged somehow to do the same thing (oblige in the sense that it could be through video views or comments engagement of the audience) and be perfect in what they do (it is like living our perfect life by being productive and perfect through them). I hope it makes sense.

[@cgarcia660]

It’s good that you are aware. That is half the battle.

[@triinheinla1188]

Your content is so sincere and you are so beautiful. I stumbled on your videos because I am travelling to Azores soon.