Before You Date an Enneagram Type 3, Watch This! ⚠️

[@YankeeBlues21]

One of my most bizarre 3 traits in dating is that I’ve basically never ruled someone out on the first date and when I’m ruled out on a first date (ghosted, they didn’t feel a spark, etc), there’s a part of me inside screaming “but wait! I have other versions of myself you might like! I just matched you with the wrong one, we need like 3 more dates where I take 3 different approaches to you before you can decide whether you like me!” 😅

[@bethford-northstarcoaching8875]

This is so accurate! I am a 3 dating a 3. I find it fun to watch my partner shape shift depending on who we are with and it helps me understand how others might perceive me. Thanks Abbey, you have the most fun enneagram content!❤

[@Eldalynn]

I like to write and making distinct characters can be hard but watching, and learning about the Enneagram types has helped.

[@AbbeyHowe]

the Enneagram is SO helpful for fiction writers

[@timhrim]

Excited for this series. Had a type 8 ex. Exciting, tiring, horror, passion >.

[@AbbeyHowe]

👀 I've made every type except for 7 so far! all in the playlist ➡️ kzbin.info/aero/PLzfQqRU3ejjczf0OLTn3qqtSqduI9EAZN

[@Avionne_Parris]

4w3 here, I mistyped as a 3 for 2 years so I will always have a soft spot for 3s. They do get a bad rap in the media though and are often misunderstood I think. And their ability to shapeshift according to who's in the room and charm the pants off of any crowd, that's such an awesome gift and a superpower (if you ask me)! We can't be all things to everybody. I code switch all the time depending on who I'm talking to and having a Caribbean accent, I need to for survival as some may not understand me. I also teach / mentor so I adjust my methods according to who's listening. What's so wrong with that? That's not me being disingenuous, unless I've been doing it for so long that I don't know who I am then it's problematic. To every 3 out there reading this (including you Abs), I love you and I'm proud of you. Thank you for being YOU ^_^

[@AbbeyHowe]

♥️ thanks for your insightful comment (as always)

[@loralubimaia2783]

One of the most enlightening things I've ever learned about type 3s is that when stressed they go to 9. Pampering them, getting them cozy gifts really makes them feel loved.

[@r_and_a]

3:34 perhaps the most wonderful thing ever heard about enneagram pairs 😇 admittedly as an ennea 4w5 in love with a sp ennea 3w4 i *might* be a teeny bit biased, lol 6:24 before i realized my beloved was an ennea 3 (thought they might've been a 1w9) i'd been scared of 3s as was introduced to them as manipulative "politicians" i'm also autistic & have c-ptsd from growing up with pathological narcissists so the concept of "shape shifting" is somewhat unsettling for me however, your explanation & comments others have shared here help me feel a lot more comfortable with it in this context so tyvm! 💖

[@jenniferedmonds7069]

This is so great. So true. Type 3 has to have reservations and a time frame and know the dress code expectations for an event. Very hard working and organized. Likes to be en-trend. Love your vids!

[@blainefiasco8225]

I've been watching your older vids and while it suited you. I love the haircut and dye. Your relationship and blibs of vulnerability in this vid almost made me cry, please stop.

[@duckduck1342]

As an enneagram one I relate to most of what you said. Threes are my favorite type so it’s interesting how similar they are to ones in someways.

[@AbbeyHowe]

they do share a lot of similarities!

[@michaellerch]

As a 3 the only one I struggled with in this video was #9. I think it's different for guy 3s. Making things more efficient for me I can appreciate, but that kind of goes back to the "just let me have time to work and dont bother me" part. #9 seems more like a love language difference. As a guy 3 if my wife gives me time, words of affirmation, and participates helping me in my goals for conquest that's a turn on. Someone that appreciates the hard work, time, creativity, and everything that I do (words of affirmation) it's a huge turn on... like you said... 3s can get lonely. They're playing strategically (chameleon) everyday to be PC, blend in with different work cultures, think ahead for their next several moves and have backup plans for those moves... but when my wife is there and she loves me win (or lose... sad 3 noises)... that means everything. Even if I lose I didnt lose her. She loves me unconditionally. But omg if I forget to do the dishes or I ignore some clutter around the house (shes a type 1 acts of service Love language! RUN!) I'm going to have to stop my conquest to ensure her needs are met and she feels loved too :) And heck ya watch out if you're playing Catan with a 3! Since this is about dating a 3 you cant just let them win! You need to challenge them! If you win it's even better because theyll be pissed you won and you can offer a rematch... with some conditions... they wont say no :)

[@AbbeyHowe]

Hi Michael! Thank you for sharing your perspective as a male Enneagram 3. That's definitely a POV I am unfamiliar with. Appreciate you two cents!

[@StephanieJeanne]

Haha, great to know! 😄 Thanks, Abbey!

[@AbbeyHowe]

thanks for watching Stephanie!

[@Lachesisms]

That was fun! 3's are pretty hilarious

[@AbbeyHowe]

gotta love 'em

[@LunaFreiheit]

I was waiting for this video 🤣 Thanks Abbey I sent it to my boyfriend 💚I am so glad he is such a wonderful person that makes me comfortable to fail, stop and feel. I have never pretended around him. Words of affirmation and being awesome are highlights

[@mwatson4970]

Funnily enough, the planning, "know me at my most un-put-together", and doing for/acts of service are spot on for me as (i think) a 5w4, too. Love your vids! And was best friends with a 3 for 15 yrs.😊

[@katherinegood7509]

My hubs is a type 3. He is a defiante workaholic. The hard thing about not interupting him is that he's always working so no matter what I'm interuptting him. He is a weird 3 in that he's not a big planner or very time management oriented; they're skills he's had to work on. I think that's his 4 wing coming out. You're spot on the gremlin coming out!!!!

[@chiaragoppelt5529]

So true😄 thank you so much!

[@whitneypoitevint1011]

This is so so so helpful!!! I am married to a solid 3/4 (depends on the day which one is the wing!) 😂😂 And I’m a 7/8 (primarily 7) We’ve been married 20 years and this video is super helpful for me to remember how to best love my man. ❤

[@taytaythehufflepuff8532]

Lol Half of these I'm already thinking (as a type one) I would totally accept and enjoy out of a person. It's funny because three to four years ago, when I first learned about the enneagram, I heard the description for type threes and thought you guys were untrustworthy little liars about your lives and hid all the truth (and yeah, pretty vain, as you said threes are stereotyped), probably because the core weakness was "deceit" (I was 12 then, and obviously very, painfully uneducated). I think understanding the full reasons as to why people are wired the way they are makes swallowing those negative/annoying traits easier. And it makes the positives of a person just more obvious. And the times of growth that much more significant. The only big difference I see between myself and the type threes is I'm not super competitive (and I have no chaos gremlin). Unless it's Mario Kart, (and a few select other games) I couldn't care less about competition related things. All that being said, the more I learn about different types (and watch this series of "know before dating this type"), the more I realize there are few types that I don't think I would work well with. Though I don't know if the world could take a one and three combo... might be a bit too much productivity to handle lol

[@AbbeyHowe]

love this ➡️ "understanding the full reasons as to why people are wired the way they are makes swallowing those negative/annoying traits easier."

[@kssgpv]

Im a 4 and i wonder how can i make a 3 feel unconditionally loved and let their guards down 😂 i think what i like about 3s is that they pay attention, they can really see what you are doing and your needs. It's very reassuring for us, because 4s want to be seen and understood. Of course then they try to correct you , that can be a positive challenge if you match..Also they can take a compliment, i feel comfortable admiring them, it's not too much or a burden.

[@MSFighter07]

I'd love for you to maybe partner with someone or somehow come out with videos for parenting the types (teen focused not child focus of course). Or perhaps you can draw from yourself as a teen type 3. I have a 3 i'm parenting and I'm a 6.

[@linadeeb8802]

Hi Abbey I'm your follower from Jordan (not the basketball player 😊) I live in Jordan Middle East, I'm studying right now Master in English literature and would like to write my dissertation about children's literature and connect it with psychology precisely psychoanalytical criticism theory, I'll be very grateful if you can suggest some books or resources of enneagram related to children in order to connect literature wish psychology in light of enneagram... Can you assist me or direct me where to start cause I want to discuss enneagram not pure psychological theories and link it to literature of children. Thank you ❤🙏

[@AbbeyHowe]

Hi Lina! (lol at the basketball player comment) To be honest, I do not have any resources that come in mind with your request. However, maybe someone in the comments has a recommendation? Would love to hear!

[@seymur7422]

Well I would recommend the petite price, it's a great book, and explores alot of psychological and philosophical concepts. Although I don't know if is considered children literature. Hope this helps ;)

[@linadeeb8802]

​@@seymur7422 thank you so much 🌷

[@linadeeb8802]

​@@AbbeyHowe no problem thank you 🌷

[@loralubimaia2783]

Watching this having been married to an enneagram 3 for the last 11 years.....

[@Adriana.Gabriela]

Why didn't I have this a year ago 🙄😂

[@AbbeyHowe]

sorryyyy

[@darlenemontgomery9337]

Just realized I'm with a 3. Pretty obvious now that I'm here.

[@bboydevs03]

Oh know that’s me 👀

[@Marcus_W1x]

Too late to comment again, but it sounds like you three's have a bit of sass in you. I don't want to write cheap schlock, I want to write greatness! I'll probably write screenplays instead of movies, but I need to watch another 200 great films, and read screenplays and novels before I can write something worthwhile. (I'm Enneagram 4, INFJ)