Being "Good" Won't Get Black Women Wifed

[@ladybug3380]

Being a wife to the wrong man is like signing up to be an indentured servant. Choose wisely.

[@Dontgiveup964]

Indentured servant, a slave, a bank, an ATM, a breeder. The list goes on...

[@royaltylordprinceshamiyah1229]

THATS WHAT YOU SO CALLED BLACKS & LATINOS ARE ANYWAY, CAME FROM EUROPE TO BE INDENTURED SERVANTS.

[@LocFitnessMama]

This the one!

[@minniegriffin3147]

💯

[@Flashback543]

Tether babble, every man isn’t your father anchor baby

[@lobi5104]

If people stopped looking at relationships/marriage as an accomplishment, they would get out of the prison of comparison and pick me energy. Marriage is not something certain women 'deserve' over others. Your marital status shouldn't be a reflection of how amazing of a person you are.

[@ladybug3380]

Exactly because horrible people get married all the time.

[@toriyt2714]

Marriage fundamentally is a biblical idea based around morals so yea….😐. But yea today marriage is basically just something you do for majority of people. But for some I can see why they approach it as an honorable achievement because that is or was the foundation of marriage.

[@Mmeme2023]

If it's a loving desire you have to create a nuclear family within marriage then it is an accomplishment, nothing wrong with that. Its when you make it your everything that it becomes a problem. A spouse is attached to your identity, they are not your identity.

[@nureauamerica]

​@@toriyt2714the "foundation" of marriage was maintaining & building generational wealth. In modern day it's an institution of the state. Dragging the Bible in everything. Non-believers get hitched all the time.

[@mizzmolly7649]

BAM, you nailed it!!!

[@TheSomethingnew1]

I want everyone to understand that shaping your life around men’s approval has a very low success rate 😂. Some of y’all get angry when the “whores” get married because you have tricked yourselves to think you are more deserving of partnership.

[@UPPITYUNICORN]

💯

[@houseofbonnets]

*nods in agreement*

[@Lisette121]

Facts

[@yougotgamesonyourphone6947]

Nods in agreement because I’ve been there 😅

[@adaezez8378]

Yep yep yep!!! This is why i preach decentering men in your life. It really is the best way to live and be fulfilled imo

[@shawnflossy]

The point about men not being serious about marriage but critiquing if women are wifey material is the most interesting to me. It’s very manipulative to mold women into perfect “pure” partners that you have no intention on making a life partner. And the women that regurgitate the same rhetoric are not well, IMO.

[@Got2BOshun]

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@toriyt2714]

It was an excellent point

[@danique9461]

🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯

[@shawnflossy]

@@michaelputin3960 whatever

[@toriyt2714]

@@michaelputin3960 just go buy a car and leave women ya know a human be

[@user-vf3fz7qv6v]

I kinda feel that black women do get judged harsher. It feels like black men will shame black women for their behavior and then put a non black woman on a pedestal who does the same or worst

[@rosejames5172]

feel? That is a fact.

[@felicidadgreene2756]

That’s cause they hate themselves and we are a mirror to their self hatred

[@camie94]

It's a self hating fact.

[@ogolden8315]

Then stop worrying about BM and expand your dating options.

[@jasmin592diva6]

Ice -T and coco

[@MD19853]

I wish black women would stop looking for validation in marriage. My mom was married. The shit is overrated

[@toriyt2714]

😂 And so is having children my mom told me that one 😂

[@thetruesoulofanaquarius9302]

​@@toriyt2714both of yall speaking facts. My manager just told me I'm not missing out on anything. She is married with kids lol.

[@taylorhunt651]

@@thetruesoulofanaquarius9302 My manager also told me this the other day. Confirmation! Lol

[@quickpstuts412]

My parents have been married 54 years and people act like it's so amazing just because of the years. If they could truly see inside their marriage they wouldn't be impressed. They are like roommates that tolerate each other. They don't watch TV in the same room, constant bickering and they always seemed to be going through the motions of marriage. I never got the obsession with being married. Maybe I had poor role models, but I think it's overrated. I know very few couples that seem to have a marriage I would want.

[@jubernardi23]

Let’s see you in 40 years for now

[@taii_chii6782]

All types of girls get wifed. ‘Hoes do’, ‘good girls’ do. Just be yourself and leave the internalised misogyny behind because it’ll shame you in the future. You touched on luck and you’re right. There’s no rule book when it comes love/finding the right person

[@Lia_joya]

YESS there should be no bashing of women on both sides imop. We need to be together and not tear each other apart.

[@str0wb3rry9irl]

Being good gets black women played and treated like crap.

[@itzme993]

Sprinkle Sprinkle

[@NadiaPink]

Yea, my dad told me agh. Your too nice. I don’t know exactly what he meant by that.

[@Jo_Thee.Farmer]

​@@NadiaPinkright. My wholly misogynistic dad told me "think of yourself as the baddest bitch". I was shook, but understood

[@Andyshotfries]

​@@itzme993ok sheera7😂😂😂

[@omowhanre]

@@michaelputin3960good question. Let’s see if someone will answer.

[@marajones1828]

I remember when I used to try really hard to be wifey material and I kept getting disappointed. Then I got tired and just embraced my self and now im engaged with a man I’ve been with 5 years. I found a nerdy white autistic boy who loves every bit of my nerdy black autistic self and I’ve never been happier. We both don’t understand or care about societal standards or understand them and there’s so much freedom living outside of it. I have friends struggling to find a husband, losing weight, trying to “glow up” trying everything to market themselves and find a hubby and im watching them just get heartbroken over and over. They aren’t even dating to find a best friend. My fiancé is my best friend first and that foundation is why we last. I wish they wouldn’t try so hard and just embrace their authentic selves not a social media version of themselves.

[@Laquia]

Happy for ya gurl 💗🎉 congratulations 👏🎉

[@carlac9782]

​@@LaquiaMe too!

[@aviianna]

Dang that sounds like such a cute love story

[@carlac9782]

@@lurkingindacomments7865 Oh yeah you are a lurker. Saw your other comments. Troll troll troll your boat.

[@shamaamamamamaah6928]

Neurodivergent love for the win!!

[@seaguerra]

This is such an important message! Many of us black women have fallen for this. Live your life the way you want

[@omowhanre]

“…And be comfortable with the social repercussions that follow.” I think that’s the rest of that staement

[@tamuz9633]

@UpRyzeQueen God is a female. The Christian God is male with a male partner called Holy Spirit and together they have a son called Jesus Christ. Think about that for a moment. Why does Christianity push a gay family up in the Christian heaven, when we know that what's in heaven is soon here on earth 🌎 God is female. No male can begate a children. Only women can create NEW ✨️ life, not males ❤️

[@1goldenratiopolitics]

​@@tamuz9633😵‍💫

[@SwissMissss]

​@@omowhanreAs long as the person is happy, those social repercussions don't mean much. Society will always find an issue with anyone who is living their lives on their own terms. Even if that person ends up not being comfortable with the repercussions, that's their issue to unpack. The statement still stands that people should live how they please.

[@minkagaston]

This 💯. Live in the space of your happiness for yourself.

[@moniquemarrie]

Here’s what’s so wild. I have friends who slept with ball players, treated men like shit, etc. They are all married. Meanwhile, I was super in church and trying to figure out what was so wrong with me in my twenties. I was engaged before thirty. Thank God my anxiety kicked in and I never married that man. But what I have learned is aligned with what you’re saying. Stay offline. You will find that men will choose whomever they choose to choose and it often flies in the face of all we’re told to be as women. Listen to none of it. I’ve also been a volunteer in nursing homes and hospice for the past 5 years. I say all that to say LIVE YOUR LIFE!! Learn your lessons, find out who you are and your own personal values and live according to them. Life is too short to waste time doing anything else. And if you choose to be partnered, you will more likely be partnered with someone who you will be happy with if you are authentically you.

[@yougotgamesonyourphone6947]

I literally look around at all my homegirls, none of these women are the women men get online and say men want. They don’t embody the whole “feminine,fit, and friendly”. They all look different and act different, and still got the ring. I remember one of them was talking about her hoe phase before she met her husband. I was being a pick me ass bih and was single for a long time. “GET OFFLINE”

[@maryc3102]

This right here. This the message 💯

[@kathleenking47]

Ladies aren't pushovers Never were... Feminists confused being a lady, with a pushover

[@Exodus26.13Pi]

Weight weight weight

[@maryc3102]

@@kathleenking47 feminists gave you the right to comment and have an opinion… so when you’re talking down on them, think if you’d like to go back to the 18s. You missed the point of this video. It doesn’t matter if you’re a “lady”, you’ll get wifed up if the guy wants to, doesn’t matter how you act.

[@catierollins8493]

“Well-behaved women rarely make history”

[@vrichards4363]

This

[@Liolia22]

One of my favorite quotes of all time, I live by it!

[@311Dominique]

Talk about it

[@Lisette121]

Hmmm..

[@jojomargaux9295]

We’ll depend on the history because if you think just because you are well kept and you barely do bad things, God isn’t going to reward you in public, where you can show off and boast a lot, then you definitely doesn’t know God. Don’t watch other people success, theirs will be shortly lives you will I here’s the earth and be blessed emphatically, in many ways possible. You can be blessed, in health, in wealth, in your family can be saved. What if these ppl will die in 2 yrs, let them live and enjoy this, you will life for another 50 yrs, see you have so much time to enjoy your own life.

[@moonlightauras1]

When I hear a woman say that she has money, a career, her own home, her own car, and an otherwise stable, happy, functional life, but says the only thing she's missing is a man, my first thought is "why would you wanna fuck up all that joy by bringing a random man into it?"

[@taii_chii6782]

Partnering with the right person would make them happier and that’s fine. The right person wouldn’t ‘mess up’ their life

[@ghost99100]

This kind of question is alarming

[@hottstepher]

@@taii_chii6782But the wrong 1 will absolutely F up her life 😳

[@hottstepher]

@@ghost99100 No it’s not; it’s necessary. Way too many dudes out here lying, cheating, abusing, using & acting a damn fool. Young women that have their shxt together better check out any dude like the FBI …

[@quickpstuts412]

It's all relative. Happily married people or people who have seen many healthy relationships may want the same for that woman. But if you've grown up around dysfunctional relationships I can see why someone would say that. It's all about what you focus on. We all see the world through a filter.

[@TVrawks301]

Born and raised Christian and was homeschooled from 7th grade through high school; didn’t date, didn’t flirt, dressed modestly, NEVER slept around. Was promised that if I followed these steps and focused wholeheartedly on my faith, God would “pick the perfect man” for me. Meanwhile, my youth group peers would sleep around, get pregnant out of wedlock, etc. All of the girls who became single moms are married today! I am still single in my 30s! Today, I no longer go to church because most churches offer little to no support to single women, except to get them married. Too many churches put marriage on a pedestal even though Jesus Himself was single!! I no longer see marriage as an ultimate goal in life; if it happens, it happens. I will live my best life regardless.

[@allthingsloveone4584]

I was a homeschooled, preacher's daughter and suffered. I feel you

[@Sunshine26762]

Whew! So much of what you’re saying is true!

[@wearenotpoetsx]

100 percent.

[@christinag1998]

It’s about a man being attracted to you. You probably had men interested but you either overlooked them or just didn’t take a chance.

[@hkmamacmd428]

@@christinag1998 Or not. Or they were not good men/boys. Idk why you're invalidating her experiences.

[@jjamerican93]

“People underestimate how much luck goes into finding a good partner.” Say that again, Kim! 💯

[@jennifernabrahamable]

YES!!! I've been with my man (now fiance) for over 3 years. We own a home and he loves my son like his own. I tell people all the time... it's LUCK. That's it. Luck and TIMING. There is no list of "right things". You just have to be lucky enough to encounter the right person at the right time in your life.

[@NikkiBrownClown]

Luck is the title of my love story 👏🏾🙌🏾

[@HeyoitsJay]

As a married black women when you get married it honestly changes nothing so…y’all better make sure y’all pick good people instead of changing to find someone. (There is no such thing as a “good” woman.) Either y’all right for each other or not.

[@neo1053]

You mean good man

[@Flower.Power.1996]

What do you mean it changed nothing .

[@omphilemoerane2569]

​@@Flower.Power.1996I think she means that if you are a BW who marries a BM, your lifestyle and standard of living is not going to improve/elavate because statistics do show that black men are the least successful among all the races of men.

[@NoName-sp5dp]

@@Flower.Power.1996youre the same

[@girlbrittneygirl]

@@NoName-sp5dp Thank you!! Husband and wife are nothing but titles! Just like Mr. and Mrs.!

[@NikkiBrownClown]

I’m a Black woman who was going to either church or a mosque every Sunday with the false hopes of becoming a wife for the second time at 40 ish and it was when I quit my government job and became a professional clown full time and started working Sundays rather than attend religious services I literally met my husband a banker at an event I was working. A man who was also divorced in his 40’s. I was dressed like a whole clown yall and we took a picture and he posted it on Facebook and someone from my old job tagged me. He later dm me and went on a date! We’ve been married 7 years and adopted 3 children from the foster care system.

[@Heyu7her3]

How much does professional clowning pay? That was a dream job of mine in middle school lol

[@NikkiBrownClown]

@@Heyu7her3 The income in professional clowning varies based on the type of work. Privately hired by families could be around $150 per hour, while working with schools, libraries, or non-profits could range from $500 to $1,000. It depends on the gig! 🤡💰

[@VeaRobinson]

I love this sis ❤️

[@briana14333]

This is the cutest story 🥰

[@Lakishia]

I love your story!

[@StaceySingleton-bw1rc]

There is so much freedom in recognizing the amount of luck and randomness is involved in getting to the “happy ending.” Holding yourself up to some long list of must do’s and must don’ts is just exhausting. Hell even if you good behave yourself into a marriage that’s no guarantee the relationship won’t be a dub. Live your life, do you.

[@toriyt2714]

Hello! I’m glad someone said it. It’s pure happenstance for a lot of the successful relationships I know.

[@missyd1215]

This!

[@jessinthecomments]

Also a lot of the time if they marry you because you’re “good” they will cheat with someone who is not “good” or fantasize over some who is not “good.”

[@adaezez8378]

@@jessinthecommentsaka derrick jackson and so many others

[@elietahari7290]

See this is why marriages be ending 50% of the time. Yall think marriage which is essentially a business merger about luck and randomness.

[@h2osaviour]

lol, true. I met my first husband in a dance club. He said, I'm going to marry you. I was 19, he was older and a M.d. We divorced when I was 24, after I graduated nursing school. I met my current husband at a pay phone in a restaurant. We have been married for over 30 yrs. So yes, Luck and being at the right place at the right time, is a thing.

[@yougotgamesonyourphone6947]

Congratulations!!! You are absolutely right about the luck. I know women that have met their husbands in clubs, on dating apps, in random ass places, etc. You could put yourself in the “right spot” and still end up with nobody.

[@kiaj.d.5855]

I met my husband at reggae night at a lounge. That was nine years ago.

[@coyoteblue4027]

Yeah R.I.P to payphones. We don't know what we lost😅😭

[@hollatchagirl100]

@@kiaj.d.5855 Did you sleep with him before marriage though?!?

[@Mia-Elemental]

I met my husband at home Depot

[@erickab4747]

It’s not about “good” girls vs bad, it’s about probability/numbers/exposure. Finding a partner is a numbers game. If you go on lots of dates or are exposed to lots of potential partners, odds are in your favor that at least one will click. If you sit home praying for the one, never going out, rarely mtg potential partners, the odds are not in your favor. Be yourself (naughty or nice) but above all be out there and mingle.

[@loveisking2463]

I agree ☝️

[@vwd3437]

If I could do it all over again, I would not find someone online. That is just me.

[@TheDanster4]

THANK YOU!

[@iamlaurengill]

This and this!

[@devinesent7696]

Agreed

[@mabel9701]

People need to get rid of the idea that marriage (being picked by a man) is the ultimate accomplishment in a woman’s life. Contrary to all these Insta quotes, being a good woman doesn’t guarantee getting wifed up or anything because nobody owes you anything. You should be good because you are convinced of it and not because you might get something out of it.

[@carinaadams6797]

We’re the ones that should actually be doing the picking. We accept or decline their proposals, over time this has gotten lost in translation. Honestly, just as women we’ll get wifed up regardless of what we portray.

[@derrickcunningham7462]

@@carinaadams6797This is how it’s always been and still is… Women choose who get relationships, men choose who gets married. No man gets the opportunity to marry you unless you give it to them, and you still, to this day, have the option to say no.

[@e113jelly6]

Exactly I was born a good person I inherited this from my dad who was kind

[@Mindyourbusiness82]

I'm in my early 40s and I realized this years ago when all of the white girls who were "hos" in high school were on FB married with at least 1 kid by mid-20s to early 30s. I remember thinking "they lied to us." Folks tell Black women to "be good" or the reason you're not wifed is because you have too high a bodycount or whatever. Meanwhile our nonblack counterparts are f**cking f**cking for real and still end up married living the suburban mom life.

[@ashleylee651]

Soo true! I used to work with white girls and one I worked with didn’t go to college, had her daughter at the time but ended up meeting a supervisor in the oilfield industry. He purchased her a brand new car, married her, have her daughter his last name and built her a huge home and she is a housewife. And she isn’t the only white woman I know that had a past and got with great well to do guys

[@vwd3437]

A lot of them are getting divorces in their 30s and 40s! Or on their 3rd spouse!

[@helena3631]

This is true I went to school upstate and these white girls had trains ran on them slept with all races of men except white men while in college …they all are married to white men with 2.5 kids upstate NYC… the rules are for black women .. and there men marry unlike black men that marry less than 30%

[@WordWoman111]

First, why on earth would anyone compare themselves with white women?🧐 2nd, married doesn’t mean happy. There are many many “suburban moms” living hellish lives. Get clear about yourself.

[@haryel5058]

@@vwd3437That’s what I wanted to add. They’re also mold themselves into the wife that he wants by not truly being themselves. We don’t know what’s going on their marriage, he can just be happy pictures but one thing I agree on is luck is a huge part of it and just be yourself. At least , you’ll do what you truly want 😊

[@xxxxx4422]

I couldn't agree more! Marriage isn't something to be achieved, it's literally an intimate promise between TWO INDIVIDUALS. A man (like every other human being) will be with the person they find interesting and match with. This whole "being a good woman" to be worthy of love and marriage is just not being yourself. It's sad. If your partner doesn't know (and therefore like you) for who you are - what's even the point of being married to them?!

[@tondaniraluswinga2590]

Marriage is an institution, it's not just I find you attractive so let's stay together and have a family together. Its work, its commitment, its raising children together ( if yall decide to have kids) , its building wealth e.t.c I think a lot of us think marriage is about being attracted to the person and the physical stuff. Real love takes action and work. It's not just about looks. Its about your character as well. All the white gir8and girls of other races I've seen be married to good man have a certain aspect of conrol and assertiveness to them. And not just a pretty face. I don't understand why black women choose to take the high road everytime about everything. At first I thought it was how we were treated by the community. But a lot of us don't know what we want for our personal self and go with the flow everytime and sit and watch other women get what we want then we turn around and make statements like marriage is not everything. Be for real.

[@amateurastronomer9752]

I agree! I honestly would be weary of someone who wasn't them self. The whole be a "good woman" is similar to guys identifying as a "nice guy". Most folks can see that you're faking the funk and will stay far away because they think you're hiding something. It's terrible advice to give women and men. I mean, don't be an a-hole, but for Christ's sake just be yourself.

[@xxxxx4422]

@@tondaniraluswinga2590 yes, it's an institution from society's point of view, but, I my opinion, if you plan on having a healthy relationship in the future, it's better to look at it for what it is for the individual - a promise between two individuals. That's what will affect the real daily life with your partner.

[@Blahgirl283]

^

[@Sunshinestarryrose]

As a couples therapist many black men especially get married for what she does for him rather than who she is as a person. One guy told me that in a session today “she cooks cleans for me” but when I asked if he does alot for her he couldn’t think of anything besides going on dates. Meanwhile he cheated and she’s expected to work and pay bills 💵 up until she gives birth and help keep the home. It’s a hard pass for me!

[@clarapilier]

"I dont wanna lose half." Sir, you don’t have a quarter.

[@gc.96]

Right, half of what ? 60% of black people live in poverty, what you talking about losing half lol.

[@ousontmeslunettes9891]

🤣

[@DefenderOfTheEnd]

@@gc.96maybe hes the 40%? Did you ever think that? I mean its right there in ur face. Try using this 🧠

[@Usbflipcamhandyman]

Honestly I don't wont a student loan payment

[@Asphedal]

1000000% agreed. Black ho’s, black celibates, black virgins, don’t get wifed up. It’s reality. White hos’, virgins etc., get wifed up very quickly. I feel like the chastity thing works for other races, but not for us. I know so many black church virgins, and we are all above 30, some in their 50s. Not wifed up. But in all honesty, I prefer to be celibate and single, than have dusties, who have zero commitment, but are after my 🐱.

[@Divine_Beauty-uh9xi]

I try to wake as many churched BW up to reality as possible. A whore who is beautiful in the eyes of most men will get wifed up several times. Character doesn’t matter very much in order for a good looking woman to get the treasures of life.

[@TheFlyyBohemian]

I’m married but I agree with this. The anti-blackness in this country which impacts the desirability of black women is what fuels the lower marriage rates of black women. A black woman’s sexual history is irrelevant when dealing with a dating pool that is inherently mysoginistic, colorist, hostile and racist towards black women.

[@iamlaurengill]

The Black church have done Black women a disservice.

[@ScorpioMoonYT]

I agree, I was dating a guy at a black church, I didn’t want to have sex outside of marriage at the time…he broke up with me and went and married a non virgin who didn’t believe in God. Yet he was “playing the role” of a man of God 😂

[@NoName-sp5dp]

@@Divine_Beauty-uh9xiwell let's not act like the go will get many good men too

[@HaitianBlackGinger11]

I have been seriously proposed to 6 times and married once. All because I was free spirited, spontaneous and did and said what I wanted to. I’ve dated wealthy men, dated very intelligent men with great educational background with credentials to show for it. And they too wanted to “wife” me up. In my entire life I’ve only had two one night stands and both proposed to me after a few months of dating. I’ve bumped into 3 of the men who proposed to me, even till this day they still feel someway about me not accepting their proposal.Anyways… My first marriage and will be my only and last marriage was disastrous. I became this submissive wife and tamed my free spirited self and even became a Christian. The funny thing is, he didn’t even have nearly as much as the men I’ve previously dated. My point is be yourself, speak your mind and live your life beautifully. Do and say what makes you happy.

[@Iwantallmymoney2024]

This!! Too many times we are convinced that the good guy that has less will treat us right and that’s not always true! My motto is go where you can get the most benefit period

[@guestguest3756]

Girl, you should write a book. I need to know because I can't even get a man to commit to being my boyfriend, but dudes always hit me up"checking on me" saying "you not married yet." Ugh

[@tessy28]

​​@@guestguest3756It's really not hard to get a guy to commit if you are his dream woman and he has to love you the same way you love him or more, he has to want to commit and value commitment too. My ex loved me sooo much and was ready to fly me to see his parents for marriage but I said no to him. My well off European fiance knew he wanted to marry me within 7 months and now we are engaged and I just met his mother. I am THE ONLY woman he has EVER introduced to his mother out of all his years of dating. Women make it more complicated trying to get commitment from men that don't value it and aren't capable of offering it either.

[@RainingPouringSnoring]

Reading your post was really interesting to me. Because I have heard that [certain] men often get a greater sense of accomplishment over "taming" more free-spirited women. The same is supposedly true of successful women. It's like catching an exotic bird and putting it in a cage and clipping its wings. Or taking down the largest buck. It's almost like they aren't actually attracted to a woman's vitality and spirit--more like they want to extinguish it. As if they are breaking a wild horse. It's honestly really sad and twisted. Glad to hear that you got out of that bad marriage.

[@生き甲斐-z5h]

​@@RainingPouringSnoring100%

[@bougiepeaches5497]

Being good with no boundaries or standards is not going to get you anywhere but into a toxic situation.

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

Say it again with those at the back.

[@yveje9720]

True honestly most men just go with who they find attractive and like to hang out with. If he doesn’t enjoy your company, if he isn’t attracted to you it’s not happening no matter how virginal and modest you are.

[@fkhowyoufeelaboutit]

Facts and black w0men go out of their way to be unpleasant. It's called s-testing. Social media is full of women admitting this. And on the flip side if she really likes you. . Then her goal is to act and prove that she doesn't. So the games women play eventually catches up with them

[@fkhowyoufeelaboutit]

@ediblelipscrubs9466 if i hate the facts was a person. Name calling means you have absolutely nothing to say. Grow up

[@amber7591]

I'm so sick of men telling me I'm miserable because I'm single. The only time I've been miserable is when I had a man! 😤

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

The gaslighting is epic. You need to listen to Princella.

[@amber7591]

@@rejectionisprotection4448 thanks for the recommendation 😀 😊

[@085665372]

fr. my life was so peaceful when it was man-free

[@somethingelse419]

I was hanging with two men in the early morning, playing cards, and one of the guys was trying to set me up with the other guy (wasn't going to happen, but that's another story). So he starts espousing my great qualities and he says, "She's a good Black woman." Now 1. that's some shx that Black women typically consider to be flattering, but 2. I don't. So I say, "I'm not a good Black woman" and both men frown. And I tell them, "I'm not. I don't work out. I don't go to church. I'm not going to cook or clean for you." Because Black women are told we need to be perfect and to be of service and those lies hurt us. We think if we do those things the universe owes us a man and the approval of society. We ain't owed shx!!!! I've seen men marry the worst women and live happily. I personally just decided to stop.

[@prinprin3324]

Yes girl same. I don’t know how to cook well and I have no desire to learn how to cook well especially to get a husband now I’ve been trying alittle bit for myself lol. But I won’t change myself for anyone just to say I have a man

[@somethingelse419]

@@prinprin3324 Exactly! I can cook, but I’m not cooking for him. It’s not a selling point as to what makes me worthy of marriage. I am more than a cook, a maid, and a sex doll.

[@rosejames5172]

@@somethingelse419 if you love someone cooking for them should not be a problem. never go into a relationship with someone you don't love and admire. Whether you are single or married you have to cook, clean and do laundry, that has nothing to do with being a maid or a slave , these are chores that must be done whether you like to do them or not.

[@derrickcunningham7462]

@somethingelse419 @prinprin3324 Just because some bad women get married doesn’t mean that’s the norm, that’s some ridiculous logic. While it’s not your job to be a slave, it is your Job to work and care for your partner as they should for you. Cooking, cleaning, and all other chores within the household are included in this. So when you say “I DONT COOK, I DONT CLEAN!”, you’re just telling all men whom may be attracted to you that you’re willing to get into a relationship and force the man to do all the cooking, cleaning, etc instead of spreading the work evenly. That’s simply unattractive. Knowing how to do these simple tasks are necessary to be a fully functional adult, saying you can’t or wont contribute means you wont be a respectable partner, therefore you won’t have a healthy relationship.

[@adaezez8378]

@@derrickcunningham7462 what qualifies them as bad women exactly? Without resorting to insults or the fact that they are not afraid of sex (something you dont seem to have a problem with when men do it)

[@beewest5704]

My cousin is an alcoholic has 5 kids from 5 different men, does not take care of any of her kids & has a STI & she just got engaged & was married 2 times before. All of her husbands were pretty respectable guys. Both her hubbies died. Her Bible thumping sister was crying to me why God will not give her a man when her sister got 3. Lol. I told her its life. We all have different life paths & love is organic, unpredictable & unfair.

[@Deniseeee84]

You sound like a hater !

[@ilovesunflowersunny2098]

It's cause these men feel like they are "saving" her...

[@tessy28]

​​@@ilovesunflowersunny2098yep men LOVE to feel like heroes to woman they desire. My fiance told me he loves to protect and provide for me because I make him "FEEL" like it

[@loveisking2463]

Both her husband’s died? Dang, sounds like she may have a spirit spouse that doesn’t want any of her marriages to work. Like the auntie in Eves Bayou

[@1stTnetix]

Best comment on this video by far and the only one rooted in realism! I know we navigate the world using past experience and perception sprinkle one worldview and culture and boom we think we know something but truly life is very chaotic and unyielding

[@diandriasmith889]

GIRL, you ain't NEVER lied. A man gonna be with whoever he gonna be with! REGARDLESS of what a woman does, DESPITE what men tell you. Same men who sit up and tell a woman she isn't in a relationship because she is 'X, Y, and Z' will marry a woman who is X, Y, AND damn Z. 🤣

[@omphilemoerane2569]

I have a cousin who married his wife even though when they were dating she got pregnant by another guy while they were on a break. His parents were very unhappy with his choice. He didn't care. Even while they were married his wife got up to more disturbing stuff like getting fired from her job for stealing but let me tell you my cousin stuck by her until death did them apart😂 There is no formula . The heart wants what it wants, man.

[@diandriasmith889]

@@omphilemoerane2569 Exactly. It's just like Kim said; it's mostly luck!

[@Naturalbeautybee]

Men literally decide theyre ready to settle down and wife whomever theyre with at the time. The woman ends up being nothing more than a "lucky" number. Meanwhile women are reading and absorbing all this content about how to prepare ourselves to be chosen/wife. Its insane. I have been saying for years now finding a partner is indeed a draw of the cards. But as Kim said Men marry who they like, period. We need to stop torturing ourselves thinking marriage is a lifetime achievement award.

[@dianan355]

Thank you for saying this. People really forget that we live in a patriarchy - in which the person (speaking in heteronormativity) who imitates romantic and sexual interest is on the man. If women put their interests outside of men, life would be much better. But we were sold that romantic love is prioritized over other forms love (platonic, etc).

[@LoveK1]

I say this all the time!its literally just timing. When a man is ready to marry he’ll marry the next woman he dates who’s okay.

[@BillF0033]

"The men who wanna get married get married." Say that shit again 'cuz.

[@heartlesswoman1904]

It’s so sad to see all these black women in Church waiting around for a ‘Kingdom Spouse’ meanwhile the men are out here tryna turn insta models into wives…

[@jba414]

Still using the same pre historic, outdated, played out, IG Models take. Sad. How many IG Models married?? Name all these IG Models plz. You can't because it's BS that easy to write but not to prove. Crying over IG Models, but when celeb women like Ciara and Keke dress like IG models and get men mad about respecting their husband/man, women especially BW make excuses for them. Women always plays BOTH sides of the damn fence. Bash IG Models, but make excuses for the Celebrity BW that dress and act like them. And Church women are the MOST hypocritical, judgemental women in our Communities that's why they stay single. They even put down other BW all the damn time. BW/Women will have every excuse in the book why they're single and it NEVER seems to start or end with THEMSELVES. Sad women and the really sad part is y'all going suffer for that, not NOBODY else smh

[@ariaryayy7314]

Fact

[@ScorpioMoonYT]

Exactly, I left the church for this very reason too. The delusion to think men really want step ford wives is hilarious. Some do, but the majority would choose a so called “Jezebel” but they fear women who own their power and sexuality. She’s not gullible to the bs like some who refuse to “rebel” or play by the rules do

[@CaptainAmerica-pr2jl]

Women destroyed the dating scene. And now y'all on here whining. Blaming everything on men. This is golden lol...

[@tmarie69]

It really do be the dudes who ain’t doin nothing that be the loudest. It’s so weird. Like my mama said, “When he want you you ain’t gotta do nothing. “ Truth 😂

[@j-hizzy]

Also can we talk about how weddings are over romanticized? Seeing weddings will activate the same triggers in these women the same way seeing a cute baby activates baby fever. I PROMISE you if you find a couple events per year that allows you to put on a whimsical, pretty dress, that desire for a wedding will go away. Im BEGGING more women to go outside. I want more for us, I swear. Stop waiting for someone else to provide something for you that you can easily do for yourself. 😭

[@ScorpioMoonYT]

I hate seeing random azz wedding pics on my Insta feed. Like why tf should I care about someone else going into masses amount of debt to outdo their friends weddings 😂 nope don’t care at all

[@j-hizzy]

@k.h.2937 Right, like show me a masquerade ball. Show me a waltz dance competition. I even enjoy the dresses that get circulated around during prom season. Weddings are cute visually, I love party decorations, but YEESH. There's nothing else more important than your wedding? You can't go that hard for a milestone birthday? I don't know. It seems like a waste. 😭

[@briana14333]

OK! I do love weddings, but it’s wild how much is spent for a day/weekend/week for these elaborate celebrations! And I stay outside serving looks so I get my shine on weekly 🤓💃🏾

[@ninagrace-lee8323]

Well by all means, what are the events? Don’t be shy, tell us

[@longlivebeans]

Yep! My whole life I was told I wouldn’t find a husband because I was sexually active & guess what? Been happily married for 10 years. Never had to lie about my history, never had to repent to anyone & not once has he ever made me feel ashamed for it.

[@125loopy]

Thank you for mentioning the luvk aspect! I have friends who keep asking me for advice. I definitely believe women should be picky af and have high standards. But other than that, it really is just luck. I'm unfriendly to men. I have a few close male friends but I regularly let it be known I don’t like the majority of men. I decided to raise my standards when i was 23. Found my husband at 24. We were married within a year. He ticked every box on my list. I also met him on the internet (which is full of weirdos). It was pure luck.

[@FightsRightsAlways]

This is why black women NEED to find out who they are, and what they REALLY want in life. When you DO know who you are and what you want, there's nothing no one can say or do to stop you from being you and living how you want to. And that's what the black community fears the most. Because if black women start living for themselves, then a lot of mess that is happening now, wouldn't even be able to get off the ground to fly, once black women start saying "yes or no" to their own benefits. The hos still get wifed up, the bitches have husbands and wide backs get bent over. Listening to a group of clown or clown, who purchased their microphone from their local beat buy, talk about what women should or shouldn't to get and keep a man, isn't working for most women. Especially black women. Find yourself. Create reasonable standards and boundaries and stand by them and go live your life. The right person will come along and love you completely for who you are.

[@SpringBlingThing]

I’m Christian but I understand that people are people. Especially men. They’re not saints. I don’t need to be a saint to find a man.

[@bigfranco]

Yes be a saint for your own sake!

[@firandcurly84]

Yeaaasss EXACTLY!!!! Also the man doesn't have to be a Christian to be a good man. Y'all gone learn.

[@cocoaxo6126]

@@firandcurly84WHEWW a word. raised in a church will let u know everything u need to know fr

[@k.a5765]

Listen ladies, I’m still a virgin and men aren’t flocking too me. They actually run from me. So do your thing and enjoy life.

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

Yes, I've heard this a lot.

[@SuperProcrastina]

Black women are held to behavior standards that are higher than high and we are still told we don't submit, aren't lady like or masculine because we can pay our bills and take care of ourselves. Ratchet behavior is only ratchet when we do it.

[@MakaykayLAMB]

The other thing is that SOCIAL MEDIA IS A LIEEEEE. we get so caught up in what other people have because they’re showing us the best parts of their lives. The prettiest, most beautiful, glossy, lovely parts! There’s no way to win that way.

[@randomsarcasm2022]

Cardi B, Kim K, Paris Hilton, Heidi Klum, etc. have had no problem getting husbands and getting "princess treatment". You're spitting.

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

They're all non Black Women. Different standards.

[@randomsarcasm2022]

@@rejectionisprotection4448 Zero standards. The requirement to be a wife in all non-Black communities is to just simply be born a woman. Black women get the goal post moved to Antarctica and still don't get married.

[@singlemamanodrama4546]

Also, Lindsay Lohan and Jennifer Lopez

[@randomsarcasm2022]

@@Tyty4U None of those women are remotely in the same category as Kim K. You must be a Tyrone.

[@manipura4049]

@@rejectionisprotection4448 Thank you!

[@historylover9999]

Can we stop shaming abortion like holy crap more black women need to get them instead of being tied to a abusive or loser man

[@ss1nga]

💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯

[@tauqueishachester9844]

Single mother

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

Or just avoid those abusive loser men.

[@toriyt2714]

I say be abstinent but I know that’s extreme

[@itsmekiaratee]

This is a terrible suggestion, especially for the black community. I suggest all women keep their legs CLOSED to any man that won’t marry you so that you don’t ever have to consider abortion! Believe it or not, I got my husband by keeping my legs closed!!! Trust me, it works.

[@kfGoodrington]

Modest/Christian women like this woman still get married as well. I think it's also just an issue of having good social circles/skills. Like what are you doing to meet potential partners? Maybe this is too simplistic, but I think its also important to put yourself out there more.

[@Deanna0456]

Someone I know slept with over 100 men and she got married to a wealthy French man who works on wall street and now has a baby. Of course she is a white girl from Minnesota 🌝. Just don’t talk about your past if it’s that big of a deal for you 🤣

[@Justcetriyaart]

Yo, Minnesota is something else

[@yougotgamesonyourphone6947]

People act deaf dumb and mute to these white sorority girls in college. T

[@Deanna0456]

@@Justcetriyaart she honestly is a fun person. Got married in the south of France and her in laws got her a night nurse for the baby. She is living her best life. After seeing that I was like you know what none of this stuff really even matters.

[@guacgirl]

Fml

[@Justcetriyaart]

@deyana5685 haha. Ment no judgement of her personality. I just find the vibe of "unassuming" minessota always surprising when I visit.

[@tacrewgirl]

Facts facts facts. It reminds me of that Married at First Sight season where there was that woman obsessed with her virginity and wore it like a badge of honor.

[@lobi5104]

Iris and Keith!! Gworl. She was annoying honestly.

[@beewest5704]

@@lobi5104 Yes. Being a virgin was her whole personality.

[@bbryant2503]

Lolo Jones too!

[@tacrewgirl]

You good loop Yvonne Orji into this too. 🤣

[@zerotolerance2026]

If only women knew what a wife really was, they would stop asking about marriage.

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

They need to listen to Princella.

[@zerotolerance2026]

@@rejectionisprotection4448 They really do. If she was around in my 20s, I would have never gotten married.

[@flowerpower250]

I’m so sorry but after I heard her rant in that TikTok, the first thing that involuntarily came out of my mouth was “yeah ofc you don’t have one, you’re boring” 😭 Like so much of being a good woman robs you of getting an actual personality and figuring what you actually like to do, how you like to dress, etc that you’re not even going to easily find what you’re looking for bc you’re not being your truest self. “Bad” women are out here living interesting lives and meeting people. How are you gonna get cuffed staying in your house being holy holy??

[@derrickcunningham7462]

This comment is so incorrect that its wild to even see. Being a good girl has nothing do do with avoiding hobbies and developing a personality. You’re conflating being a bad girl with being a normal person, which it isn’t, and a good girl with being locked in a closet for years on end. A good girl is a woman who operates with morals, intention, and respects herself so that she doesn’t let others, men & women, manipulate and persuade her to commit unhealthy behavior. So many women have the inability to discern the difference between a good/bad woman, so they fall into the trap of being inside trying to be a hermit or an all out hoe no one wants to take seriously. Then give bad advice by telling other women they need to be “bad” to have a personality because they failed to recognize that fact. You can easily be a good girl while going to parties, exploring hobbies, and any other activities that may lead to growth. Just do so while operating with morals…etc. This is coming from a BM who has a BW who’s done just that.

[@flowerpower250]

@@derrickcunningham7462 I was talking about “good” in the way she defined it and how patriarchy defines it. I don’t believe in the dichotomy of good/bad women, there’s just women. Hence why being a “good” woman doesn’t pay off. Patriarchy keeps moving the goal post so you might as well just be a who you want to be which might include things patriarchy considers “bad”

[@derrickcunningham7462]

⁠@@wildindigochild feel you, though my comment was about OP’s comment. Though you are right about the religious types; I would say them and the women on the other end of the spectrum, the ones for the streets, are always judging others. One says you’re not good enough cuz you’re not perfect, the other says you’re less than because you dare to have morals instead of joining them. Tbh the religious takes on the relationship are often hard to live by because they don’t account for a lot of variables in the relationship that come about due to generational changes in society and will impose the “just deal with it” rule to keep a marriage together. So sometimes you’ll have religious figures convincing women to stay in relationships where they’re getting beaten. In other situations they’ll be telling men they should marry women who are for the streets or are on drugs because they splashed some water on their forehead a week ago.

[@derrickcunningham7462]

⁠@@flowerpower250​⁠​⁠There’s many things I disagree with here, though I’ll ask questions for clarification. 1. What/who specificly do you believe the patriarchy is? 2. What specific actions do you believe the patriarchy is using to push that narrative? 3. Why don’t you believe in good/bad women? While some characteristics are subjective, there are definitely things that majority of human beings see as bad. For example, a female murderer is definitely a “bad” woman. 4. How, specifically, has said patriarchy moved the goal post in its expectations of women?

[@ninagrace-lee8323]

@@derrickcunningham7462thank you. A man with some sense bc these women are talking crazy. Being “bad” should NOT mean sexually promiscuous. Bc why tf would you risk getting an STD? And the women saying this are older women who didn’t live the hoe life, so they don’t know how 20 somethings are catching STDs and baby daddies tryna be City Girls. Just bc those ladies missed out on the fun years, they think if they went and did that stuff today they’d come out unscathed. Nah. Having a personality, not taking things too seriously, and having fun is just being normal. Not being “bad.”

[@kayabe856]

Seeing the girls who were considered “fast” always get the guys made me realize I was just too boring to attract a man, however, at the end of the day I like the person I am but I don’t hate those women either.

[@vwd3437]

On the other hand, SOME people confuse LSBW with being “fast”. Generalizing can be detrimental! Some BM do this!

[@kayabe856]

@@vwd3437 well, most of my light skinned friends were a lot faster than me. They seemed to have the mentality that guys wanted them more so they took full advantage of that.

[@ninagrace-lee8323]

Maybe you weren’t boring. You were just dark. Hate to say it that way, but a lot of you are putting yourself down when you were younger, as if the guys weren’t extremely colorist back then (and still are). I feel like when you care less, you can give off a happy vibe. But it doesn’t change the fact that some guys just hate dark women, and wouldn’t pick one either way. Boring light women get picked everyday 😂

[@tashibalampkin8555]

What I find weird about the whole Adam22 situation is that when Sir Adam was talking about bussing women down on camera and off while in a relationship. And all the guys were cool. But when his wife makes an adult video with other man, the males were up and arms just MAD. Now they talking about, "open relationships never last." The mess.

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

It's only an open relationship when men get to have opposite sex partners in their eyes.

[@Lisette121]

​@rejectionisprotection4448 right. So hypocritical

[@jazzigirl29]

Men don't care how good you are and I know this first hand. I briefly dated a guy who said he "liked"that I had a steady job and could take care of myself. Meanwhile his ex WIFE did nothing. No career, no job, didn't cook, no education, yet she came back into his life and he said he would STILL do anything for her. And my friend got cheated on by her bf with his ex gf who once again had no job, no education no nothing and he impregnated her. It'slike in Gone girl. "If a man says he loves strong women that means he hates strong women"

[@vwd3437]

Deep.

[@vwd3437]

Those are sometimes the same ones who will use a NEW woman, ‘cause all their exes drained their pockets! Be careful! And sometimes those are the same ones who say they don’t like girls who wear makeup, but their next girl or ex wore makeup! In my book, men will get with whomever’s available. I no longer fall for them saying they need this type of girl or that type of girl!

[@helena3631]

They like the exact opposite of what they say

[@HaahmayanShaalManasseh]

Damn 😂 but what if he says I like your spirit and I love a submissive wife and hates independent women shit$ be confusing lol

[@AM-xe4iq]

I encourage young women to live for themselves, be free and do what they want. All the women that were sexually free while we were in our 20’s and early 30’s, the ones that didn’t gaf what men thought and slept with however many people they wanted to, didn’t care about being anyone’s gf etc., they all have husbands now lol. Me on the other hand, had this reputation for being a good girl. I was modest and quiet. I was not promiscuous. None of that. All these guys made me feel like being the good girl was what men wanted. Do you think I have a husband now that I’m 40, let alone a black husband? Hell naw! Ladies, don’t waste your time trying to fit the mold of what men supposedly need you to be. You will waste a lot of years trying. Be you and do you and give zero fks about what men think of you because SOMEONE will end up being your husband if you want that, regardless.

[@jankam2418]

There is a white girl on tik tok, married , with kids who made a reel Reminiscing about her Ho days and how she used to get bent over by other men . The comment section was dogging her but her content seems to be making the family money and her man doesn’t seem to give a damn . There is no formula. It’s just luck and timing and such.

[@jubernardi23]

Please, don’t do that, this old women want to be a bit…, single mother and be alone like her with no good perspective of a husband!

[@22LadyLopa]

Horrible advice

[@AM-xe4iq]

All y’all saying it’s bad advice….good luck trying to play a part and fit this perfect woman mold for these guys. In the end, it’s not going to matter.

[@lara8139]

This is probably the most foolish advice I have seen in a long time. Would you promote promiscuity to your daughters or nieces? Sex is a spiritual exchange of energies and it’s important to protect your womb space. There is nothing cute about hoe life. Just ends up with STD’s,abortions,unwanted pregnancies and emotional trauma.

[@kiranholt3296]

Like and pursue the men who like and pursue you. Its that simple.

[@chocolatecheesecak3]

“The men who wanna get married, get married.” YES! This is the same answer to why white women get engaged right after college graduation but black women are going on hot girl summer girls trips. Their men are marriage ready at 24/25 ours are not! Don’t sit around and wait… LIVE YOUR LIFE. 🍹🌴👙

[@Rizegirl]

Yep!! My white husband married me at 23... the mixed guy(black/white) I was seeing before was saying he is too young and still wants to explore 🫠

[@deborahfrederick916]

But meanwhile Black men are All Over social media calling Tracee Ellis Ross a whore for posting a semi nude picture???????

[@megan7506]

I would not consider being married to Adam22 any sort of prize or accomplishment.

[@abbyangel99]

I agree with everything you said. It’s also one thing if these so called “well behaved” women actually just followed their rules and minded their business but there’s always a tinge of jealousy and/or sitting on a high horse mindset they have towards these other women who are doing nothing but living their best life and STILL getting ‘picked’

[@Lakieta2]

This was a good clip. I’m glad you posted it. BW should just be themselves and be open to other communities. We have a lot going for ourselves, and there’s no reason why we should remain by ourselves for the rest of our lives.

[@LadyK007]

💯🎯

[@rachelmaddowswife8713]

People in general want to feel in control of their lives. Acknowledging how much power random events have over us is terrifying. It helps soothe anxiety to pretend that there's a guaranteed method of success to getting what you want in life. This is why fundamentalist religions have more staying power than liberal sects, people want clear answers, even if they know on some level it's not true.

[@justcallmebon2684]

For most people who want a traditional relationship, the woman is really signing up for indentured servitude so why are women clamoring to get married again?

[@1991-present]

Social status of being “picked”

[@justcallmebon2684]

@@1991-present please please please enslave me! 👋

[@omowhanre]

Security for your kids. Also, as adults you will most likely always have to work. It depends on what kids if work you get to do. Do you think husbands of stay at home wives are also indentured servants?

[@omowhanre]

@@1991-presentyes, partly. For me, it is a net positive for our kids as well.

[@justcallmebon2684]

@@omowhanre Most people with other options aren’t looking to be full time housekeepers with a second full time side job of being a short order cook all for the low, low price of staying at home and allowing someone else to make all your decisions under the premise of being a “good submissive wife”. To be clear, I’m talking specifically about the return of the promotion of the “traditional marriage” which was never a win for women. I’m unsure about why women are fighting to go back to such a time. I’m happily married myself, but I’d never encourage the return of a time when women had little rights and were fighting to prove how submissive and how much service they can provide for their husbands.

[@mizkomunikation9478]

Marriage isn’t some sort of trophy. If you’re into that kind of thing it’s up to you, but it’s not a universal life achievement. These modern males have no skills, no drive, and no resources. You’re better off learning to do things for yourself and I don’t just mean earning money. Take a cooking class, level up your kitchen game, and invite the girls over. Learn how to fix your car. Learn to fix and tailor your own clothes. Learn how to _manage_ money and understand the tax system. The more you can do for yourself, the more you’ll know _about_ yourself and the types of relationships that can help you become a better person.

[@cocoaxo6126]

accurate !

[@Rubaontiful]

I'm from Mexico and you have educated me so much about issues concerning black people, thank you :)!

[@CCCC-fp5gw]

For many young black women, it is religion (more than the patriarchy) thqt held us back believing that there's a reward for being "good". In my childhood i often heard the end was near and the sin to avoid at all costs was sex before marriage. I would say to any young person: cultivate your hobbies, read, explore, learn, and know that you are uour best life-long partner. And whatever sexual endeavor you pursue, ensure your sexual safety. love and develop yourself..too many wolyen are depressed, worried, anxious over relationship status.

[@SunseedStarchild]

When I dropped my good girl lifestyle I not only got my first boyfriend, but he married me. It's true 🤷🏾

[@thatgirlkells5505]

Black Women need to create our own path. Given the pathology/behavior of majority Black Males,we cannot pattern our lives after other women. Ever!!!!

[@carinaadams6797]

We can if we’re looking outside of Black Males. The blueprint is already there. However to deal with Black Males would require an entire generational restructuring.

[@neo1053]

​@@carinaadams6797no black women can't how much non black men , black women may get also the dramas that goes with interracial relationships

[@neo1053]

Finally someone said it

[@orchidchamblee]

Moral of the story: Do what the fuck you want to do!....People who are building things see the value of marriage speak Kimberly 👏🏿

[@aphillyate1]

Being a "good girl" makes you no better than other women. I don't show my skin. I don't wear makeup. I don't sleep around. I don't do this. I don't do that. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Say this loud enough for the dummies in the back getting cheated on.

[@tondaniraluswinga2590]

Sleeping around can definitely get you sti's, so not sleeping around and protecting your health is definitely a flex. Some of yall are out here misleading other BW and its funny cause WTF

[@ChocolateBabe_]

Girl this!!!!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂

[@diaryofamadlacefront6928]

But they all get cheated on 😂

[@tessy28]

They get the worst outcomes. While us girlie's who aren't afraid of life and make no apologies for being who we are get the BEST!😂

[@TheDanster4]

??? But everyone has the possibility of getting cheated on. What does being a "good girl" have to do with that?

[@marionlogan6069]

I don't understand the people who go to sex parties and have seggs will say they wouldn't marry a person who attends those parties. Like dude, they're your people! Y'all are into the same thing.

[@guardurcircle]

Ladies, live your life to the fullest. Don't worry about marriage. Because its not enough men and they will chose the worse one to marry, just to divorce later. Be happy in who you are and surround yourself with ppl that will bring joy to your life. There are more happy single women than there are happy married women. Yes, its hard n it hurts to realize it will not happen for you, but it doesnt mean you would have been happy if you did married. Life is short. Don't waste time on what havent happened.

[@tashibalampkin8555]

6:45 - 6:58 Exactly. The men are simply choosing the women they want.

[@charliebslilgurl1132]

As a Christian i will say this. Religion will take you to/through hell. I seen it my own eyes

[@katherinechase3674]

The happiest groups of people are married men and single women! But, yes, as a white woman, I did get married in order to try to give my / our daughter stability. At age 20, with no education or job skills, I knew I'd have a really tough time of it otherwise, no thank you! It turned out, we we were not right for each other, but teaming up, even for a short while, helped my daughter and myself get situated. Today, at age 32, she is getting married, with the fairy tale treatment, and I'm very happy for her :)! Her fiancé is a back surgeon, and I won't lie, I am relieved as a parent. She won't have to struggle financially as I did at times. They are both doing this for love. I totally and completely agree with you about men marrying the women they love. While raising my daughter, I dated, and myself having a daughter didn't worry men I was involved with. My daughter had two active parents raising her, both of us were involved with her. I placed her first growing up (not second to a man), and I believe that helped her self esteem, and taught her not to settle :)!

[@TheBookofBeasts]

As someone raised in fundamentalist evangelical Christianity in the south I very much appreciate you pointing it out and calling it ‘evangelical Christianity’. Thank you!!!

[@thatafricanqueen5053]

That wedding looks expensive as hell😮

[@kiaj.d.5855]

Right! Mine was 3K in total. That included everything. Married at home and had dinner for 30.

[@Lucismyname]

I used to be very judgemental of the "bad" girls who got their happily ever after whatever that looked like. What I perceived to be great family lives, marriages, jobs, finances, social lives as a whole. But when I realised that I wan't really judging them but upset I did all the "right" things but wasn't getting the rewards. I was getting bad men, hearing how great I was at my job & getting more responsibilities but not the matching wallet. I had hit a wall and was miserable. But when I realised what really mattered to me, not societal/ age expectations, I became happier! I got back to who I really was and stopped the fixation on others' success. Whatever they had or how they got it, or how they lived or had lived their lives.

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

And that to me is the point of Kim's video, which people have misunderstood.

[@toriyt2714]

You really have to do what genuinely feels right for you and your life. Really evaluate where your decisions comes from and as long as that is a healthy place you’re good.

[@catflon2388]

I want to encourage unambiguous BW and girls to unlearn the conditioning of seeing relationships as signs of success and to understand that your "goodness" is of no value to people who see no value in you. In 2023, there should be no confusion about this. It's not about being a good woman or not. Anyone who denies this is simply lying. Stop listening to/internalizing these lies ladies. Be "good" or not for you....❤❤❤

[@vwd3437]

But why the emphasis on “unambiguous”?

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

​​@@vwd3437Because DSBW (which is who she is referring to) are disproportionately single in the BC whilst light skinned BW and biracial women are disproportionately married in the BC. Young DSBW repeatedly talk how they are insulted for being DSBW at school for instance.

[@vwd3437]

A lot of DSBW aren't missing anything in my opinion! We LSBW get played TOO! The next level that some brothas take is usually with a WW or a LW, even an AW lol. SOME of these BM ain't never satisfied! Some of them were raised by self-hating DSBW and LSBW! Then, their mommas give the BW they bring home hell! lol

[@ninagrace-lee8323]

This is the conversation that is needed. The comments have devolved into good/bad binary and it’s so dumb. It’s reductive. It’s just as bad as the Madonna/Whore complex. Black women are trying to play by the rules and realizing NO ONE actually plays by them, but we get policed. If that makes sense? We are held to the fire for stuff people actually don’t practice. Our “goodness” and “generosity” isn’t appreciated and is wasted on a lot of people in this country. They’ll never receive or accept what they don’t understand.

[@kieshajohnson1102]

This is true! Robert Smith the richest black man in the world married a playboy/porn worker. You can still see her ‘work’ til this day on the internet. They are NOT looking for wholesome traditional women at all 😂😂😂

[@GhanimaCrimson]

Girl 100 facts! I’ve definitely grappled with this up until my 30s.

[@Angbwillinspireu]

There is a beautiful African woman who got married to a Billionaire Austrian Baron. BW MUST cast a wider net 2023- infinity. BM have long casted BW off 2023.

[@BlkMedusa]

I feel like just because they’re married doesn’t mean that the marriage is great. Same for good girls too. The message should still be live your life the way you want to but keep in mind we don’t know if these are the even the type of men we want. Anyone can get married but no everyone married will have a good partner.

[@princesstriceestar]

Been called "wifey material" my whole life. Even got married. And what did I get? Cheated on lol. Been single ever since and focusing on myself. Dont focus on being in a relationship or people pleasing anyone, or society for that matter. Make yourself the best version you can be and live.

[@X3N14]

The jealousy, shaming and judgment is real 🤣 and very much part of any religion. She said she wasn’t judging her but went straight on to imply that she can’t have love because she makes spicy content? Girl, bye. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t, so you might as well do whatever you damn well please.

[@misssterling3094]

No, she's just proving a point that these women got married in spite of their "spicy content". Women (especially Black women) are pressured to fit into a mold to get "picked" as a wife. If we don't fit into the box, then we are shamed. She's just agreeing that "fitting into the box" is BS and it is. A lot of this hypocrisy is in the Black community because the men don't value marriage.

[@thevenusian1314]

Men will absolutely marry a 304, she just has to be the right 304 for him.

[@Lisette121]

She has to be a 304 all men want.

[@Michaeleism]

I remember when a man I was interested, told me he preferred to be abused and disrespected by his preference. He later married her and had a child with her... Toxic behavior is rewarded by the world. Now, I don't stress myself out so much anymore. I quit going to church as much. I travel and try to live an authentic life.

[@Michaeleism]

@user-ve3ig8de8s Are you ok?... Do you know me? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Trolls must desperately need attention today!

[@tamuz9633]

The truth is men LOVE drama now and again, so if you are nice ALL the time and little-miss-goody-two-shoes, he will play you like the nice fool that you portray, and leave you for that pretty but MEAN no-nonsense-girl that he always work very hard to IMPRESS and OBEY ❤

[@kbrown4736]

ouch, true

[@bres.4806]

These are facts.

[@kendramorancy4893]

😂😂😂😂

[@derrickcunningham7462]

Why do women believe these lies. Damn😂

[@tambariw]

I'm a Christian, so I'll speak for the Christian ladies. I think Christian women should focus on actual Christian men. Not men who's Christian depth is getting married to a submissive wife. There are men who want to get married to good girls. Might have to expand your dating pool. Stop listening to these Internet male relationship coaches. The black men who want to get married get married to the women they desire. There's nothing a black woman can do. Men are really that simple minded sometimes.

[@kel6357]

You can go even deeper on this topic..

[@dr.braxygilkeycruises1460]

This is so real and, unfortunately, so very true. In my career (law), I have had some interesting conversations on this topic. I'll share one thing but will change the names. Many years ago, I was in Hawaii for a series of meetings with some athletes. One Black athlete 'Greg' in particular had just signed a MASSIVE contract that, at that time, was nearly twice the amount of any other. His white wife 'Kim' was there with him (typical type, iykyk). I knew they would soon get a divorce even though he hadn't told her yet. Fast forward, several of us were at the pool relaxing and Kim had 3 or 4 Mai Tais. Once she was tipsy, she started insulting all the Black women there (most of us worked at the Firm). She said *Black women were stupid because "you looking for love, but marriage is a BUSINESS."* Kim said she knew Greg was going to divorce her and she didn't care because *she got him to marry her, "popped out a couple kids so I'll always have a pay check" so she didn't care what he did after that. "I'm set for LIFE" was something she said several times. As she continued to insult the Black women, they left (because it was work related so they couldn't curse her azz out!). I kept buying Kim drinks because I was curious how these yt whores get our Black men all the time. *This video is So on point! It perfectly lines up with a lot of things Kim said that day.*

[@NotHereToMakeYouComfortable]

This is interesting. I would love to hear more and I like your approach. Bw should listen more when these chicks talk. Although I hope the yt chick didn’t get too out of line with the insults toward bw because at some point it’s hard to keep listening 😊

[@niax782]

Ha! You were like, “just one more sip” 😂

[@briana14333]

Interesting and hilarious! WW’s reasoning for dating out are in stark contrast to why BM do.

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

​@@briana14333BW are encouraged to do the exact opposite. Kim was right, but BM are reluctant to marry BW (esp DSBW) in any case, which makes this a double whammy.

[@jip230]

Girl, this is the message that we need to hear and incorporate today. Too many men try to shame women for their behavior, but you're spot on that men marry who they want and who they like. Too many Black women buy in to this bull sh*t of respectability when the simple reality is that life and love is far more random than we often give credit for. We need to stop listing to tired Black men and women that are often not leading the life that we want (or even they want for that matter) and start building our own paths. Life is far more random than we want to think and who we marry and partner with has far more to do with luck and timing than bull sh*t respectability.

[@worthwhileproductions6929]

It's straight luck. Orchestrated by God. You don't have to be healed or good or pure. When I fully embraced my blonde, white woman phase. I got married. LOL. Have fun ladies. It'll just happen. ❤

[@gabigracee]

As a s worker online the interesting thing is that a lot of adult content creator are in relationships. Healthy and long lasting relationships based on COMMUNICATION, TRUST, RESPECT and LOVE. Whatever path you choose. WE ALL DESERVE LOVE.

[@TyWhy-bh7bo]

Black people avoid communication like white people avoid washing their legs.

[@jessicaberry87]

My grandfather was a Bishop and I can relate so much to the good girl trophe. I know a lot of us want to reform the global image of bw, some are good girls due to Christianity, etc. We need to do what we want to do...cuz the women we've been programmed to shame for being sex workers, strippers, Only Fans content creators, or porn stars will ALWAYS have men lined up to take care of them and take them SERIOUSLY. 💍 I've realized this in the past year and it helped me realize I just shouldn't be so hard on myself and instead, focus on what makes me happy.

[@Witchescouldrun]

But are those the men y'all really want to marry?? All these comments under this video have me so confused. 🤨😫

[@dollyrevenge98]

Thank you for bringing ppl back to reality. IRL there's no such thing as wifey material, cooking and cleaning podcast bro bullshit. Men will marry who they want to marry and who they like as you said regardless of so called "wifey material" characteristics.

[@aspyn.j_]

I have had pick me tendencies in the past and am still unlearning some of them today. After taking a step back from dating I realize that it doesn’t matter who you are, what you do, your body count etc - if someone likes you, they like you. Period. There’s no point in trying to conform to an invisible mold, the person for you is the person for you. 🤷🏾‍♀️ do what you want.

[@bluebutterfly5684]

I agree 100% about just being yourself, but don’t get it twisted - there’s even a disparity between black ho’s and white ho’s. We simply have fewer “Pretty Woman” opportunities and experiences. If you wanna be a ho, just do it, but just don’t delude yourself into thinking you’ll one day get swept off your feet, married to a wealthy prince and living in a mansion. Single motherhood, poverty, and STI’s are more likely.

[@ninagrace-lee8323]

Exactly. Using white women as examples just shows the disparity, not that regular hoes are winning. Very misleading

[@Laquia]

Yeah, Patriarchal Christianity got black women in a chokehold.

[@Mimi24177]

That's a lie, most of you women are into enchantments let's tell the truth here.

[@jubernardi23]

This call natural law and 99% of all society practice that type of relationship that calls marriage, even the tribes. What is anti natural is not to be married because we as society will disappear and the society will stop to work. Look at japan they have a big problem with that now.

[@CiaoColeG]

Is this good girl idea really still a thing most BW are struggling with??? Because most people are no longer regular church goers, many live with boyfriends at some point, and over 70% of black children are born OOW. How is Christianity keeping most black women back when most aren't halfway following the religion?? If anything is keeping black women from being married it's restricting themselves to black men, period.