Not y'all gaslighting Black women about 4C natural hair AGAIN...

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[@iusescotchtape]

The "do they see you?" as a social experiment is so so real. My sister is dark skinned, has 4c hair, she keeps cute styles, and wears beautiful head scarves. But last summer, she put in a honey blonde crochet style with a natural ringlet texture. She said men were breaking their necks to get a second look at her when she'd be out. They don't think we notice how they treat us because *they* don't notice how they treat us.

[@cmg25]

Yep. I’ve never colored my hair. Wigs are fun in October. Will never go blonde. It’s loaded.

[@saxviars9749]

YES. I feel this every time I get braids. Like come on now, I am still the same person, but people stay foaming at the mouth and I get asked on way more dates. It's crazy, but honestly it makes me want to wear my afro more often lol to keep these people away since it seems a bit inauthentic.

[@eyuh77777]

It's funny because I have the same experience as the young lady in the video.

[@Jojo-tf2zp]

That last sentence was a bar, sheesh 😮‍💨

[@devinedej3418]

They definitely treat you differently depending on how you wear your hair. Smh I just locked my hair in December and as a black woman no matter what you do to your hair it's always being judged by black and white people.

[@LadyAbby]

For my wedding I wore my hair in a large blown out Afro. I looked like a beautiful dandelion lol. My husband and friend were the only black people to say anything positive. From family to even other women at the salon EVERY BLACK PERSON said what hair will I wear? What wig? What braids? What silk press will I wear? My biracial stylist had to give me a pep talk because I never have “baby hairs” and I was getting told by a black aunt to at least do those so I look presentable. That stylist said if you don’t want it don’t do it. I appreciate her so much! Every single white person said positive things about this decision. I cried about it… and then wore my big ‘fro with my mermaid style dress and I love the pictures of my ‘fro and veil blowing in the wind. My 4c hair and dark skin is good enough for my wedding day, Tuesday, a gala, and any dang day.

[@globisdead]

This is so beautiful 😭

[@Ilikefrogs..]

I love this so much!

[@hevxhev]

That sounds absolutely exquisite! Good for you for sticking to it, I bet you looked stunning!

[@basicradical3581]

Blown out fro and mermaid dress go together like butter and bread, I know you had the church gagging

[@deecee4310]

I’m here for a beautiful 🤩 dandelion

[@saxviars9749]

Honestly as a person who wears my Afro, I hate how political it always is. EVERYONE and their mama always has an opinion. "It looks dry it need definition why are you outside like that", "I like this more than the others styles stop wearing weaves", ect., ect. For every black man that's ranted to me about their preferences for girls with "good hair"; I've also got weird standing ovations for wearing my hair... like it's out here trying to end racism. Leave us alone, please. Like how other women get to wake up, comb out their hair and move on with the day, I am just trying to do the same.

[@senoracheapee1864]

We never get to just exist like other women 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@ea7109]

Exactly!!! Our hair becomes so political, it gets 😫

[@breannajones9044]

Yessssss. This is what I've been feeling. Like shut tf up!!!!

[@earlem9771]

That look is amazing to me. I love that look with the African wrap also. I bet the same women criticizing you come out the house wearing those silly ass bonnets everyone is wearing these days.

[@solopa3808]

Ish pisses me off, like just shut your dayumm mouf🤦

[@Alexis-wp7tf]

Misogynoir in a nutshell is literally insulting black women into the ground, but simultaneously having such low self esteem that you desire, from those same women you treat like crap, unwavering love and acceptance.

[@nataliekhanyola5669]

This!!

[@GiGiGlam1]

Ooo that is good!

[@Diberdat66]

This is reminiscent of all the comments after Serena Williams got married. Suddenly BM came out of the woodwork saying "how did we lose this one" as if they weren't the ones calling the girl a man for YEARS.

[@kimc2357]

Bravo!👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿

[@alicia7737]

@@Diberdat66 right!!!! 💯

[@_PixalatedCvnttery]

I think we have to realize some of us will never be the preferred for some black men and thats okay. If its not hair then its skin tone like it will always be something when it comes to black women. I am tired of it. I am NOT going bankrupt trying to get a bbl, keeping my hair laid, or trying to pretend that I am something that I’m not. I see a lot of my black kAnGs looking like a big toe with a fade and be out here thriving. Like I’m good don’t worry about me.

[@princesschanel469]

Yep, i never have any problem pulling white guys whether my hair is laid or not. I’ve never dated or befriended a white guy that commented on my hair unless they were complimenting it. Its time that we look to other options of men. Why lay next to a man who’s constantly saying you’re not good enough because you have dark skin and “nappy” hair

[@jeanjmcceee5764]

KANGS 🤴🏿 WITH NO KINGDOM , MORE LIKE EBT KANGS 💳 AND SECTION 8 KANGS , NOT BEING WANTED BY BLACK MEN IS A BLESSING , BLACK MEN AS A WHOLE HAVE THE LEAST AMOUNT OF MONEY AND RESOURCES AND THE MOST FATHERLESS HOMES , REJECTION IS GOD'S PROTECTION 🚨

[@Aaditri44]

@@princesschanel469 agree, many women should start raising standards & not only in romantic relationships

[@ClowneryAtItsFinest]

It’s ALWAYS the ones that look like your big toe! It’s never the beautiful or handsome Black men . They’re too busy on their way to work to be worrying about what we do with our hair.

[@hellosarah_]

Periods you embodied everything I wanted to say

[@sinovuyobudaza7167]

Kevin Samuel said that black women are at the end of the beauty spectrum. He continued to pin point all the features that make us the least attractive race. And many black men and women agreed with him. Now we're pretending that it's not a thing.

[@user-mo4tu8gr8g]

He’s dead anyways🥴(sorry that was wrong).

[@paris40359]

You can't be wrong for just stating what's true 😂 One less active source of poison in our water is an objective, net good.

[@SJ-qf2tz]

@@user-mo4tu8gr8g ROFL literally was gonna write the same thing you good

[@ladybug3380]

He’s dead and gone chile, hopefully the ancestors will take the other dusties too.

[@chrisw9122]

He never said that. He said wear your natural hair...ditch talon nails, workout and stop fake eyelashes. He freaking thinks Kelly Rowland is hotter than Beyonce. Stop lying on him...😂

[@100Stratusfiedx]

I’m still in awe that someone took her pictures to create a dating profile for her. That’s unhinged behavior and it proved nothing. Getting matches on a dating app doesn’t mean relationships. If she says that in her region she only pulls white boys in that hair style then that’s her experience. I’ve just accepted that black men really think their 4c hair and dark skin only looks good on them. I was definitely the suburban girl with shoulder length straight hair. Dealt with a lot of heat damage and considering getting locs.

[@cmg25]

That first sentence 🥴

[@str4wb3rrymilk27]

they don’t even think it looks good in them either😭😭 that’s the sad part

[@100Stratusfiedx]

@@str4wb3rrymilk27 hmm I don’t know about that. Dark skin men know that the media shows non black women with darker men. They love the kinky 4c hair, big nose, and big lips on themselves but not their female counterparts. They also like to joke about how light skin men are feminine so that proves how they feel about dark skin black women.

[@ladeakintola328]

Get locs!! The freedom is unreal!!

[@thedolllovett]

BRO WHEN I SAW THAT SHIT I GAGGED😭 TS IS SCARY.

[@kiranholt3296]

Black men walking around here w/ 4C beards and chest hairs, but they want to talk about Black women??? Make it make sense!!

[@gensai93]

I noticed many will grow their beards but not the hair on their head unless it's in in locs, most of them shave it off.

[@Kiyoooooo]

Chest hair 🤭🥴

[@ladybird491]

​@@gensai93cause they got self hate

[@ladybird491]

Their bear hair is usually a loser texture so that is why.

[@beautyburden]

Some of them perming their beards 🥴

[@moonlightgoddess4107]

I remember when she said on Twitter that black men are only mad that she doesn't mind pulling only white boys with that hair. Like how dare she not assimilate to self hate beauty standards so black men can finally love her? Weird. Edit: I'm also TIRED of hearing black men say that they love their black women and how dare she make them look bad, how are you gonna dismiss someone's experiences?? She experienced this FIRST HAND so wtf are you talking about black men???

[@Yawn54]

Right I’m dark chocolate with 4C hair. I caught hell growing up and still today at the age of 27. Black men are very colorist and texturist.

[@moonlightgoddess4107]

@@Yawn54 Exactly!! I was literally getting bald spots from perms, and straightening my hair to assimilate because my mother also didn't know how to do her own hair. I went natural in 6th grade and haven't looked back since. Plus in 6th grade, I saw that non black boys would have crushes on me over the black boys. Even at 11 years old I saw and experienced how colorist black boys are. They've felt this way for a VERY long time, you don't just wake up and be colorist.

[@strudelh]

The way the black men inserted themselves into the equation when she didn't bring them up at all 😭

[@whenyouwishuponastar6643]

The same guys are QUIET when other black men act a fool insulting black women. Be mad at them for making her feel that way? Get mad at them for being disrespectful, don’t get mad at the woman for her experience.

[@Yawn54]

@@whenyouwishuponastar6643 from my experiences, they weren’t quiet. They would actually laugh along with their cruel jokes.

[@ooliviabrooke9112]

I feel like we’re deviating when we say “she just made a casual joke with that statement” because she didn’t. Even if she said it with a mean face, she’s not wrong and doesn’t deserve ANY backlash. I’ve been following her content and she’s talked about how blk boys/men have been very colorist towards her. Off the top of my head I can count many blk men all over the world that have said blk women are not pretty or allowed in their space! (Dave santan, Chris Brown, 50 cent, Lil Wayne etc.) so why is everyone trying to gaslight her? Y’all go around saying you don’t like us, then still hate on us for being honest about our experiences? Boy bye!

[@smb.]

Thank you for this. Cuz Ik she was half joking but it’s true. We know and hv heard a good amount of blk men share how they don’t appreciate 4c hair and esp short 4c hair. And on the flip side we’ve SEEN and heard how a good amount of non blk men feel about it aka yes we know some are fetishzing us but the others have expressed why they like it and why they find it attractive, so much so to approach bw and start relationships, and of course we accept (not as much as I’d like but eh). So it’s hilarious and not shocking to see bm upset by that but I’m happy to see bw calling out the lack of logic in that

[@njgyrl]

Agreed. Never imagined I’d ever wear my hair in its natural state in this lifetime.. but when I transitioned, the difference in treatment was undeniable. Mostly black men (and some black women! 😠) have literally expended their energy to make sure I knew they didn’t like my hair.. to the extent I ended up transitioning twice cuz I couldn’t handle the negativity. Thankfully, with age comes less concern about what other ppl think. However, with each transition, I got hella positive attention from white people in general and more compliments from them than from my own ppl. I think it’s cuz they weren’t carrying the self-hatred for blackness like we do. I get significantly more attention from white males than black males when I wear my hair natural.. and I think that’s sad.

[@kilimanjaro5537]

@@smb. thank you. We all know what the standard for black beauty looks like in the black community and it isn’t an unambiguous looking black woman with 4c hair. Folks need to stop lying.

[@lalittl]

💯 it was not a joke at all imo

[@las8883]

@@neutraliserjanine can you tell me the name of the comic guy you’re referring to?

[@waitwhat6056]

I will never forget what a friend said to me when we were in our early twenties: " Black Men are more into hair than women are" --over the years, this has been proven true countless times. I am so sick of BW being trashed and attacked over their hair. The very same hair that black men have and pass on to their daughters. C'mon black people!!! When is this going to stop?

[@dominicsanders9599]

I would disagree Miss. Alot of black men love everything natural. The ones that enjoy those traits maybe aren't heard. It's all in the environment of people you socialize with.

[@waitwhat6056]

@@dominicsanders9599 Re-read the comment I posted. As many times as it takes for you to see that I never said there weren't any BM that like natural hair. I also find it interesting that BM have to "be into" women's natural hair and just not automatically find beauty in it.

[@dominicsanders9599]

@@waitwhat6056 Alright Miss. I just hope you enjoy your hair which I'm sure you do. I've always advocated for women to be who God created them to be. Beauty in its truest form. I did read your comment by the way. Hopefully your experiences with this issue improves.

[@waitwhat6056]

@@dominicsanders9599 I appreciate your comment, yet you make an assumption about my having issues instead of understanding that I am commenting on _the video content._

[@DoveLady]

@@dominicsanders9599 they arent heard because men like you dont validate and elevate their voices. it truly is all in the environment of people you socialize with. colorism, texturism, featurism. these are all perpetuated by men who find commodity in traits far removed from blackness. by the women who are put on a pedestal by these men.

[@marquaysabattle7324]

When she said, '"I'm only going to be able to pull white boys with this hair, " I HIGH-KEY FELT THAT. LMAO. I wear my 4C shrinkage most of the time and every single time, it's white and Hispanic men who respond to me. It's been that way for YEARS. When I blow it out or wear a weave or wear longer twists is when Black men notice and suddenly, then it's "Hey queen." But that 4C shrinkage? They aren't here for it. Maybe for the internet but def not IRL.

[@scorpionoir4952]

There was a lot of fake progress. I find that a lot of black people are stilll dealing with their internal self hate when it comes to their features. I have been growing my hair out and have embraced my afro. I love it and used to be quick to cut my hair or style it to hide the texture. I've grown to love my afro and the bigger it grows the more proud I am of it.

[@sunnymane]

I agree but just a thought, I don’t think black people should worry too much about length but just about if it’s healthy! 🙏🏾

[@paulinemmbugua]

100000000000%

[@avggamer86]

Yes! Fake progress is right. We saw it after George Floyd protest died out. We'll see it once the outrage with Roe is done. It's so hard not to fall into cynicism. To just lay down and give up. Is any of this really working?

[@scorpionoir4952]

@@sunnymane Facts! Yes health of the hair is first and foremost. I do want length however because I want more versatility in styles. I do like to rock different braid and twist styles but my fro being free and reaching for the sun is always going to be my main style. That's the beauty of our hair. It defies gravity and reaches for the sky while their hair reaches for the dirt.

[@ayanna6327]

"Fake progress" is a good word for it. So many people can only discuss what freedom for our people looks like in terms of optics and nothing else. They are not asking the deeper questions of what would freedom feel like? What would it look like emotionally, physically, psychologically and even financially? They're all just concerned with being the palatable black person.

[@ereka333]

I’ve been wearing my hair unstretched since 2019 when not in a protective style. When I first went natural in 2012 a friend of mine (now ex friend), also natural with 3b/3c hair had the nerve to say “natural ain’t for everybody”. How is the hair that grows out of my head not for me? “You don’t like teeny weeny Afro NIGGA” tell the truth Kim!!

[@lizziedanse8335]

.......huh? Like....bitch?

[@23ahndra]

I really hate that line. People sound so stupid saying that.

[@iusescotchtape]

What a wild thing to say to a friend! That's how we know internalized anti-blackness really has a grip on some of us

[@saxviars9749]

I'm sorry that happened. I hate how people feel the audacity to police other's hair like just mind your business is that easy.

[@MomDukes951]

My mother was the first to criticize my natural hair. She said it looked a mess, and I needed a perm. Moving forward a few years, I found a picture of her when she was my age at the time. The nerve she has a fro!

[@fizzychizzy]

Its the gaslighting for me...and she wasn't wrong. When White men, in my experience, try to pull Black women, they are not really concerned about her proximity to whiteness. Its all Black to him. He gonna get it from his group of white peers regardless for dating outside of his norm. So, when confronted with blanket pushback, regardless of the type of woman he goes for, it makes things sort of even. For Black men, a lot of them are hung up on getting the girl that is a trophy. And that trophy means someone that gives them proximity to whiteness. So it becomes a ranking system that puts those darker skinned girls with the hair type they don't like lower in rank.

[@ayannabranchcomb7535]

This makes sooo much sense!! Also explains why the white men who do approach black women are ones of means or at least comfortable, you don’t see too many hicks and lower class white men looking for us because they too are striving for peak rich white male circumstances.

[@fizzychizzy]

@@ayannabranchcomb7535 there may be some validity regarding status as well. But I wouldn’t do a broad stroke regarding economic status. Truthfully, blue bloods end up with blue bloods majority of the time. That is what they are around. But when men of other races, particularly the white men I have encountered, date Black women, the things that other black people are judging each other on (texture of the hair in a fro, laid edges, etc.), it’s not on their radar.

[@ayannabranchcomb7535]

@@fizzychizzy yeah that’s true. There’s nuance when it comes to the desirability versus marriageability conversation. They want us but idk if that means they marrying us. And I feel like for black men its the opposite. They don’t like/want us fr but they’ll marry us because they need a security blanket

[@kinamonika]

Yes all this!

[@cmg25]

💫💫💫

[@JazzyBelle611]

I have short 4c hair. When I was a baby, people used to stop my mom unsolicited and tell her not to worry my hair would grow. My sister used to apologize to the hairstylist for how nappy my hair was when I was young. As a teenager, I used to have panic attacks if I couldn't get my hair done. As an adult, I've worn weave, wigs, braids, short afro, long afro, mohawks, and a shaved head. I am always treated the worst while in public by black men AND women when I have a short afro. Anti-blackness toward 4c hair is the default not the exception. BM usually treat me like I'm invisible. And I'm not talking about dating or romantic attention, I mean just basic human interaction. They can pretend on social media they love natural hair but we definitely know better.

[@teemay967]

And you’re so pretty

[@peteadenuga]

wow. thank u for sharing your experience. the misogynistic anti-blackness of it all.

[@JazzyBelle611]

@@teemay967 Thank you!

[@cmg25]

The Inception is real.

[@user-bx2wl7we5k]

💯 % Truth! I’ve worn every hair trend since 80’s, and I’ve dated WM and BM. I can tell everyone that Bm are 1) Colorist. We use to say “Color struck” in the past. 2) BM prefer Straight Long Hair firstly, or loose curls “Mix girl “ hair on LS. 3) BM LOVE WW esp Blonde/Blu eyes over All women because she’s preferred by WM. However, BM know that blonde/blu eyed WW isn’t free or cheap, he has to come with Millions to get a decent looking one. WM don’t care about makeup ( they prefer a cleaned upped woman) hairstyles as long as it’s kept or skin complexion, that’s whereas Creoles, Biracials, Octoroons came from in history. No matter how BW wear hair, you can’t change your Blk ness. BW are Not preferred by BM. BW prefer BM, and WM prefer WW and every other color woman he’s attracted to.

[@joiloree1]

this fake ass controversy pissed me off so bad kim like why tf would the natural hair movement even have been created if our hair was so “accepted”

[@dede9699]

"Being literal is a sign of low literacy" I WILL BE USING THIS THANK YOUUUUU

[@jeanjmcceee5764]

But the irony is white guys who are in to black women don't give a damn about their natural hair they like it, the majority of black men think of natural hair on a black woman as nappy or unkept

[@battleforit]

I literally yelled so loud! Lol

[@neosomaliana]

Not really. It can also be a sign of autism

[@njabulozungu2527]

Be mindful of context however, I am gonna start using it as well😅

[@whosthatgirlitstiff1861]

" Beauty is a commodity for women; Women are a commodity for men." A word.

[@deecee4310]

Yep with a few variations.

[@champagneprincess4]

i’ll never forget i was like 12, and did my natural hair. i moisturized it, fluffed it, parted it, and when i got to my grandmas house my aunt said “bad hair day huh?”.

[@shamidkpzd]

Yep. Something similar happened to me. I had my natural hair out in its shrunken state, freshly washed, deranged, fluffed and moisturized. Only for my mom to ask me if I was planning on doing my hair.

[@shamidkpzd]

*detangled not deranged

[@princesschanel469]

I noticed twitter was in an uproar about this and its crazy. All she said was “i can pull white guys more when my hair is like this” and black people lost their minds. Why can’t she talk about her experience? Believe it or not, there are plenty of white guys out there that love our skin complexion, hair, and features. People always assuming that a white man is fetishizing us simply for liking something we naturally have is crazy, black women are so used to not being liked the way they naturally are by black men that they think people are lying when they like us just how we are. What about a young dark skinned girl pulling white guys makes everyone so upset? 😂

[@Zikomo7]

Cuz we need to be available in case their preferences reject them.

[@sailormoongoon90]

That part. Some white guys like afros. I remember in my 20s, this white boy on the bus was complimenting me on my twa. He loved it and spent time asking me questions.

[@DawnNa_22]

We need to really talk more about how black men fetishize black women more than ANYONE. I feel like they think that that wanting to have sex with a woman equates appreciation because that’s all they require in a mate, thus they perpetuate it against black women to feel closer to whiteness. A man wanting me for ME and not just my lips, hair or behind is not fetishizing me, it’s finding value in the core of who I am. Most black men really need seek therapy, it’s a crisis at this point.

[@2120musiclover]

I mean, I can really relate to her. I honestly get more white people hitting on me. And when I visited Japan it was a wrap. Of course some people fetishize, but alot of it was real attractive

[@cakeasaverb]

👏🏾👏🏾

[@quaminajohnson9886]

What she said is true as a black women who wears my natural 4C hair black men literally will look in the other direction and act as if I'm invisible when I walk by but when I wear a 40 inc Brazilian wig or braids I get a lot more complements the bottom line is some black men don't think 4C hair is beautiful a lot of them view 4C hair as nappy and ugly I've had black men call me nappy headed even though they have 4C hair as well.

[@earlem9771]

False! Most bm hate weave and wigs

[@seeia1673]

@@earlem9771 lol okay!! We got that already but let’s not sit here and pretend there is a certain style of hair SOME bm like on us. Unless your hair is super long you’re not getting approached as much when you have short “nappy” hair.

[@Debbiediamond0310]

Like their own nappy hair so they running from them.

[@earlem9771]

@@seeia1673 the only reason some girls have that problem is because they damage their hair or wear too much weave and wigs. Your hair doesn’t need to be the longest, it just needs to be natural and healthy to attract bm. I understand that ya’ll mamas brainwashed you by saying natural wasn’t beautiful and consequently you never had long natural hair.

[@moonlightgoddess4107]

@@earlem9771 They actually don't, and I'm not gonna sit here and let you think they do. They love the straight long or wavy Brazilian wigs. Don't sit here and act dumb, they love that shit. They hate anything that black people have naturally so don't sit here and act like they don't hate themselves just for being black.

[@user-pz3zk1xn8k]

no literally let’s please talk about it. that’s why a lot of black women are so OBSESSED with having long hair.

[@Ilikefrogs..]

I think a lot of us want long hair because we've been told for years that our hair is defective and can't grow. Meanwhile there are all these photos of tribal African women with hair to their butts, and I don't know about you, but I want to look like my ancestors. Our hair is not the problem, it's the ancestral knowledge of how to care for it that we've lost access to.

[@treanishajackson2295]

@@Ilikefrogs.. bingo.. my ma has an Ethiopian friend and she taught my mother how to make Ethiopian hair butter and she’s been using it on our hair for yrs… my hair is 4c and when u flat iron it, it reaches my mid back

[@theemanuella9456]

@@Ilikefrogs.. best hair care Tipp: wash and conditioning with an average shampoo after that you moisture your hair WHILE it’s WET with either one of your favorite oil or Shea butter after that blow drying (make sure to use heat protection) then protective style boom Also make sure you don’t use to much product on your hair it’s unnecessary und creates faster smell and dirt make sure you wash your hair regular Water=moisturizer= growing:)

[@Ilikefrogs..]

@@treanishajackson2295 Same! My hair is a mixture of 4b and 4c. Until I was 21 my hair wouldn’t grow past my shoulders, I stopped using drying shampoos and started using Shea Butter and protective styling and now my hair is at my hips!

[@deevinay]

Its so frustrating because it’s so obvious that the people who are hating on Lip Glosssss are being purposely obtuse. Why are we pretending that black men aren’t the main ones calling us “nappy headed hoes???” These people are unserious 🙄

[@Kelema86]

I love lip gloss! I dunno how old she is, but she looks like she might be no older than 19-20 years old, but she is so wise and funny for her age. I’m sure she gets a lot of hate and attempts at gaslighting because we know how the Internet treats black women in particular and she still seems confident and strong in her point of view and I love it.

[@WoahhTeamJacob]

@@laurenj432 lipgloss is not 33 she’s 19

[@mariauncut8403]

She turns 21 in August

[@moonlightgoddess4107]

That's what I love about the younger generation of black women, they don't care for black male validation anymore and trying to conform to those unrealistic beauty standards that was put on their mothers, aunts, older sisters, etc for YEARS. I'm so happy they're loving themselves and don't give a shit about what black men feel anymore.

[@JojoJojo-cz9eb]

She’s 20

[@qj8091]

@@WoahhTeamJacob she’s actually 20 turning 21 in a few weeks

[@AdoseofAlana_]

Black men say they love natural hair and curly hair I never see them say they like kinky hair no matter who it's on lol. BM just hollering because they're HIT Dogs!! White men who date women of color like natural hair regardless of texture. They just appreciate it in general but they also dont care if their woman wears extensions or wigs. Bm spend all day being mad about wigs and lashes. Lol. I'm sick of that shit! My husband prefers my natural hair (which is kinky 4c) but he also loves my style PERIOD whether it's my hair, wigs, weaves or braids. W/e helps me feel good and easy to maintain. It's that simple!

[@tmarie69]

Why do these things bother them? Genuine question. Like, why do they care so much?

[@blu_rey8656]

Kudos to your man!

[@_Alimm]

I just want to say I'm proud of black women. All the bs jealousy, criticism and gaslighting and somehow we still elevate, still glow, still the creators. No one else and I mean NO ONE could be who we are ❤️

[@sakizaky9270]

🥰

[@KoKoTheSagittarius]

Precisely! ✊🏾🤎🥂🍾

[@Mwe_244]

Facts!🤎🤎🤎

[@essxo2885]

Yes ma’am if you ain’t got no haters you ain’t poppin

[@annie22krm]

You killed this video!!! It needs to be said.

[@BusiMjiyakho]

I really struggled growing up with not having "great" hair. There was always an expectation to ensure that my hair was done back home (South Africa). When I moved to Scandinavia, I was so relieved to realise that whether I had spent 2 hours on my hair, or gone out with my overnight protective hairstyle, white people couldn't notice the difference. I realised how much pressure we put on each other as black people. Now that I live in China and it costs x20 more to get my hair done, I usually opt to wear it in it's natural state. When I went back home, my family and friends were like ??? They said I looked homeless. They blamed it on me having a white partner. So as much as that last part was a joke. I did pull a white boy with 4c natural hair 🥲🥲🥲

[@a.sydney5036]

🤣. But babbbbbyyy, move to a country with black women who generally have longer hair and always have their hair done. It's worseeeeeee. They have nothing on South Africa. I sweeeeeaaaar. Everydamn day these black people have something to say about my hair.

[@nocturnal6876]

Relatable that last part 😅

[@ziintle]

And they are busy trying to gaslight lipgloss like this isn’t true!

[@gbbs9]

I feel like we don’t talk about how much $$$ it costs to keep our hair laid. Who else is spending 2+ hours (and that’s quick for me lol) on their hair?!?!! Nobody but us!😭😭 And I’m so sorry you got the awful comments. It be your own ppl. And they look just like you!!🥲

[@a.sydney5036]

@@gbbs9 it makes me so upset. Why us. And us only. I'd love to be able to wake up, run 4 strokes through my hair and be done. Everyone one else has smooth silky hair. Caucasian ☑️ East Asians ☑️ South Asians☑️ Pacific Islanders☑️ Latinos ☑️ people of African descent...❌. Why.

[@momomathebula8297]

Yes. They’re gonna pretend. It seems to be fun to make black women believe that their very real experiences are… a figment of their imagination🤗😵‍💫.

[@marissawilson4644]

Texturism is real but the black community isn't ready for that conversation.

[@bennym5244]

Aren't ready for many conversations yet. That time will come when the blaming of everything on others, ceases.

[@TinyyTinkerbell]

Black people rather set trends that we will never get ownership of. Blck people want to be “cool”. Bm waiting for bw to say everything they fault. When really i dont have to say that…i felt guilt since i knew what guilt was all the fingers pointing at me and i didnt even do anything lol. What accountability do I need? Black people rather claim biracial as black to claim racial variety. Black people rather escape with the word preference or call you weak etc when you take heave.

[@KLB1218]

@@bennym5244 Yeah! Black folks are so ready to blame white people or other cultures for disparity but the black community is the only community who hates on each other and for the most silliest sh*t. SMH

[@feliznavidad6958]

Actually it's just internalized racism.

[@kathleenking47]

More than colorism

[@grarycat1984]

2012 I was pregnant and glowing, hadn't had a relaxer in over 10 years at this time, 2nd son on the way....glowing y'all....I had my hair in a twist out with a pretty bow....glowing...went to see my grandmother and she stated when are you going to do something with your hair it's a mess all over you head....It felt like a verbal stabbing....her words hurt me to the core.... I asked my mother if we could leave since she was driving....she didn't know what was said but she could see how upset I had been....I'll never forget feeling my grandmother doesn't see the beauty in my natural beauty....not the way I do.

[@aimeer9835]

Def understand how you felt ! Coming from a grandmother for some reason hurts so much worse !

[@Kristyle11]

💛💛💛

[@user-mo4tu8gr8g]

@@aimeer9835 grandmother?? Girl you look young asf!

[@hopemckenzie3502]

I had a relative's friend said my hair needs grooming after spending half my day washing and putting it in protective style without the blow out (4c 20inches long). It was such an insult coming from that particular person (the one with the wig alopecia 😒)

[@APTTMHYforever]

It be your own family🥴

[@leggyReid4c]

I worked at a children's hospital and i saw how they treated babies differently- not medically but mentally. It was telling white males that they are superior and black babies that they are too much trouble. I saw that over and over and i know now that if any family member of mine is going to a hospital, i have to be there, because that message will not get past me.

[@NikNik-zr1zx]

I had a procedure at the hospital and the old Black lady that did my check in made a comment about how she would never wear her hair natural like I did. I told her that no one was concerned or asking her for her opinion. She had short, damaged looking relaxed hair. 😞

[@violetk8025]

Even hoteps seem to only like Afros and kinky hair that is big / long and is no kinkier than 4a ( and that is pushing it ) .

[@deborarichelle2705]

She’s beautiful! My hair is 4c. I’m 59 years old, Society tried to convince me that I’m ugly because of my hair. I resisted and I’ve been natural for about 30 yrs straight. Locked for 4yrs. I was told by other black people that I was a waste of light skin because my hair is so nappy! At this point, I don’t give a @&ck what someone else thinks. I know that I’m beautiful the way God made me. I taught my daughters ✊🏾✊🏽and granddaughters the same✊🏿✊🏾✊🏽✊🏼

[@LaLa_856]

✊🏽✊🏽✊🏽❤️ A waste of light skin, though? Chile... something is wrong with our ppl.

[@deborarichelle2705]

Yes LaLa, it’s a struggle combating racism in America. I grew up in the 60’s and 70’s. It has been very Traumatic, so I have been very mindful and deliberate in teaching my children and grandchildren, all very beautiful shades of blackness ✊🏿✊🏾✊🏽✊🏼with various kinky textured hair, that our beauty is unique and versatile. Most beautiful naturally!

[@kimberry2010]

You are absolutely beautiful! I'm so sorry that anti-self Black folks hated om you. I understand.

[@trahadbad]

Yes ma’am

[@deborarichelle2705]

@@kimberry2010 Thank you!♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

[@gayliljaehyun]

i’m a lesbian black femme and because of the assumption of heterosexuality that’s been projected onto me by strangers my entire life i’ve had to deal with black men constantly criticizing my appearance or trying to make me out to be an attractive “exception” to their rules. i remember my first year of college, i was approached by a man while i was just minding my own damn business and he started complimenting the fact that i wear my hair natural and that i look better than other black girls who do it and i was just like . sir, that’s not a compliment i want to receive, especially after years of being told i’m ugly for not conforming to the beauty standards they’ve erected.

[@summerrose8110]

I'm sorry people assume your orientation because they don't understand. It's not on you, it's them.

[@kiw.9805]

Same. Felt.

[@decodesigns14]

Nobody cares about you being gay. This is about hair black hair.

[@theTruthSeekerishere]

I've had similar experiences. Unfortunately a lot of straight black men assume women dress for them. I personally find it offensive for a stranger to speak to me in an almost predatory manner and if I ignore the person's advances they retort with assuming I must be a lesbian because I lack an interest in their approach.

[@cmg25]

I was raised in the suburbs of Abercrombie. I wore hoodies, sneakers, and wash and goes before the term was coined. People thought I was stuck up because I didn’t go to an overcrowded school. People thought I was not straight because I didn’t go to class with a full face and form fitting attire at 8am. Not that I cared in the slightest because sleep > conforming. Most of the time it’s a lose/lose when other people have so much influence on your sense of self.

[@ruquiamulamba6169]

Lol on my birthday….I went out and a white man snatched my wig off in front of everyone….ON MY BDAY…and then the black men gaslit me talking about “it’s a joke”💀💀 So yeah I’m sick of the gaslighting shit ruined my day frfr

[@awilliams7796]

That sucks!!!! What the actual hell 😡 so mad for you girl like where was the protection please :| He should never have felt comfortable enough to do that but he knew that he’d face zero physical repercussions

[@Ilikefrogs..]

With how often wigs are glued down or stuck in your real hair with combs, that man could have caused you actual harm. I would have committed literal violence. These same black men claiming women "need them as protectors"

[@QueenNTheMaking]

Girl I hope you started swinging lol my reflexes would have kicked in so fast!! Sorry you had to experience that 😢

[@ruquiamulamba6169]

@@QueenNTheMaking my homeboys jumped him but that’s LSU…I took that wig cap off and had the time of my life

[@QueenNTheMaking]

@@ruquiamulamba6169 I’m glad he got his and it didn’t ruin ya night…he deserved every lick for that disrespect!

[@talkingfacts908]

So true when I went to my black history class with a 3c curly wig. The bm fell over themselves to speak to me. All men who claimed to be "woke" I was a queen in their eyes. I learned a long time ago... If I want black male attention, looking semi mixed race was the way to go. If I wanted to walk the street in peace a headscarf or my natural hair would was my cloak of invisibility.

[@Irene-ls5wf]

Which is why many black women will wear really long hair textures that do not imitate their natural hair because they want the black male gaze.

[@TinyyTinkerbell]

@@Irene-ls5wf and dont want to admit it lol.

[@ojyochan]

Age can do it, too

[@ladonna1902]

@@Irene-ls5wf exactly! It's all about the black male gaze. I feel the natural hair movement would have been more successful if more BM would have embraced BW wearing their natural hair. Especially type 4 hair. But many BW with natural hair said that BM didn't notice them. Also, many BW who are married or in relationships said their relationships suffered after the BW decided to go natural. That's why I think so many BW are wearing wigs and weave now. To attract the attention of black men.

[@PopLife-hb3ks]

It’s crazy, because the guys who have complimented me on my 4c hair have been am or wm. I’ve never been complimented on my 4c hair by bm. When I had a long relaxer, bm have complimented me. That’s been my experience. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@satyr_9]

So, I grew up upper middle class in the suburbs. You are spot on about the weave thing, it signals a very clear class division. My mother and her sisters always relaxed and straightened their hair, and it was a point of pride that their straightened hair was still "their hair." It is all about maintenance, because my mother could afford to get her hair straightened at a ridiculous price every weekend in the black hair salon. I also suspect it has something to do with looking a bit more ambiguous, and passing for something other than "American black" because everyone in my family is light skinned and my mother and her sisters are Jamaican (but if you ask them about this they will deny it). None of them know how to do their own hair, but when I decided to go natural because I was sick of going to the hairdresser every weekend, all of a sudden my hair was nappy, unkempt and "I wasn't as pretty." The thing is that they associate weaves and wigs with looking fake and crusty, but I know for a fact they don't know when someone is wearing a weave or a wig because they aren't at all familiar with what weaves and wigs actually look like on a person. I will also note that the only black men who have ever complimented me on my hair were older homeless black men in Philly, and to black men of my own social class I am at best invisible, which is something I find interesting.

[@michellekholmatov9562]

No one ever comes for me and my halfwigs as a biracial, (I’m trying to embrace my hair but I was raised by white people growing up in a Iowa adjacent town) so I feel you on people who don’t wear wigs/weaves/etc not knowing the difference.

[@parklady4233]

My natural hair makes me invisible too. I mean these blk men won’t even say, “hello” or they purposely look back down at their phones as they approach me.

[@alleyinn1]

Thank you for this. So relateable! The other point of resistance against weaves among the bougie folk is it diminishes the privilege of black women with long / looser textured hair. I have this type of hair that is coveted yet I have never wanted to be singled out or liked for my hair. At the same time (unfortunately) it is clear to me that it is a reason why ppl were attracted to me. It was also clear that weave evens the playing field a bit more. Although its sad that white supremacy tells us that long, loose hair is necessary for beauty... AT LEAST more women at least have "access". And THAT is threatening to some

[@whatsonhermind1768]

Lol not homeless black men lol

[@gbbs9]

@@alleyinn1 the evolution and weaves, wigs and extensions in general really is a game changer

[@passionatebliss4591]

As soon as BW learn to stop caring what BM want, the better off we will be.

[@bluebutterfly5684]

🙌🏾

[@23ahndra]

I Love her TikTok channel. She ALWAYS has great content. They really tried her. Blk men pretty much proved her point.

[@Lastdayone]

I lover her for being HERSELF!!! She is right! I’ve been natural for 13 years I’ve done every style there is. I did my final big chop in December. Listen I wear my hair fully in it’s natural state this time. No I don’t wanna do a twist out. No I don’t even want braids. Like this is what you getting! I’m 30 going on 31 and this year I’ve learned to love myself! I don’t have to be who black men or any man wants. I just have to be who I wanna be. The only thing I wanna be, is me. So yes that means natural hair, I might put a lip on and some mascara but 98% of the time the best you’re getting is chapstick or lip gloss. No I don’t like wearing bras and no idgaf about these respectability politics that have been place on our bodies. Lol as you get older you don’t gaf about nobody’s perception. I’m proud of this young lady! She’s absolutely beautiful and radiant in her own skin with her natural as is hair💜✨

[@9keykey]

Everything you said, is me. However, i am a decade older. Babes, continue.💐💞

[@vivid5203]

I don’t like wearing bras either!! YAS

[@iamLoje]

Yes yes and 100% yes to the bra thing. I hate bras 😂

[@marie-francoiset9402]

i don't like wearing bras now because they are AWFUL. not everyone has a boob job therefore zero support or needs padding to look like a stripper. its ridiculous. women should boycott these stupid trends created to make money off of us

[@gabrielar9611]

Ma’am your younger then her. (Calling her a young lady… 😂) Your beautiful btw

[@ListenTuShelly96]

I had an ex who was a fake hotep n used to always complain how when black girls go natural they always end up with white guys. (this may be because she is so used to black men not valuing her like other men did when her hair was short n natural she may divest.) He convinced me to loc my hair then while I was in the starter loc phase he cheated on me with 2 different girls that were lighter skinned and had longer locs. Black men fetishize us also when we are natural they prefer it to be super long, manicured, parts showing, loose n textured . After him I dated a guy who was wanna be hood/hotep but was really suburban when we were kids. He liked the idea of my locs maybe once they got long, but would make lil comments about how I needed to “delent” “ moisturize more” “get a retwist” like on a weekly basis. (I was maintaining them myself n still figuring out what to do) Until I finally just slapped a wig on then he made me feel like I looked ghetto n told me I looked bad. I came to find out he was really into thicker women with the lace front look tryna impress his hood guy friends. My conclusion, is that men usually choose women based on how he wants to be perceived by other men.

[@kilimanjaro5537]

“My conclusion, is that men usually choose women based on how he wants to be perceived by other men.” This part!!! Black men hate accountability. It would kill them to admit that the reason some black women always seem to go natural with non-black men is because those men like a black woman’s true appearance. Black men want you to be everything but black.

[@brie1026]

💯💯💯

[@marie-francoiset9402]

wow. bw do so much to please bm. wow

[@sashaminx75]

Yaaaaas

[@ertfgghhhh]

That last sentence is SO TRUE. I'm 48 and cosigning. It is an open secret

[@Alexandtheworld919]

We need to call these “beauty standards” what it really is and that’s anti-blackness.

[@ColorMeIn]

This entire discourse is a perfect example of the saying “throw a stone into a crowd of dogs and a hit dog will holler”. BM+W couldn’t wait to gaslight this girl for a single off comment, it was ridiculous.

[@KatBlaque]

Exactly. I said this on another video but they'll be sitting there with a white girl or a girl with 3C hair talking about how much they love 4c hair and TWAs. The invisibility thing is so true too. I couldn't wear braids for over a year because I had a surgery that left a scar on my scalp that needed to heal and when I would wear my natural hair it was like wearing an invisibility cloak or something. The moment I got the braids back it was like wow she's there again lol. I think all black women know people react differently to them based on their hair style and the impression you will often get from folks is that if you wear your hair natural, people might like it but they will also probably see you as more of a radical/pushy person if they ever do actually see you at all. It's ingrained!

[@ajanisgreat]

"I'm only gonna be able to pull white boys with this hair" takes me out everytime🤣 Thats ok sis. Its OK to love someone that loves you for you and not all the shit you cover yourself up with.

[@alleyinn1]

A word!

[@Ilikefrogs..]

Legitimately.

[@nikkis.9747]

I think it's so odd that Black men are so quick to deem women with 4c hair and dark skin as undesirable while many of them have 4c hair and dark skin 🤷🏽‍♀️. I also find it odd that when a white man says he likes 4c hair it's a fetish, but when a white man says he like blondes, it's a preference. When Black men say they prefer non-black women, they say it's just their preference, but these same men will call it a fetish when a non-black man prefers Black women. The self-hate is so strong and is often projected onto Black women. They hate it when we love ourselves and they hate it even more when men of other races love us.

[@AishaRaison]

My grandmother was a beautician who hated natural hair. She not only didn't accept it, but she raised the women in the family with the idea that there was something wrong with being your full self, from your hair to the body. Years after she passed away, I had my first big chop and left relaxers and toxic thought alone. I've loved my natural hair since I was a kid, but between chemical burns and straightening combs, the hatred of loving my natural self was implanted deep. Texturism and colorism can come from the saddest spaces.

[@rosalynbeatty8310]

My gr-aunts hated natural black hair. But, they grew up wishing their hair was like their mother's hair. Their mom had long, straight Indian hair. My aunts got their father's hair. So they put their anger out on natural tight curled hair.

[@AishaRaison]

@@rosalynbeatty8310 that's what I don't understand. I love my natural texture. It's thick, rough, tightly coiled, and inherited by so many of my ancestors. Some were long, some were silky, some were thick like mine. I braid it, cut it, twist it, curl it...still love it.

[@MayaParris]

My black girl luxury is the luxury to not have to excessively groom myself in a similar way that you described when talking about how we present to other black ppl vs. white ppl. Idc about a designer bag, I want to not lay my edges.

[@aliciarose2237]

I love that! Could not have said it better👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@gbbs9]

I’m the only black person at my job and I’ve recently caught myself doing this. Depending on where I’m going I’ll lay my edges. But even then my forehead brokeout bc of the gel so now I can’t lay them anymore😂😂😂

[@dawsonsdiary]

As a gay man who hung around mostly black men growing up I can confirm that most heterosexual black men don't prefer a women with 4c hair. I don't know why the men are capping online.These dudes will make fun of women with 4c hair when they themselves have the same hair texture. I guess because most of them chop it low to hide their texture they believe they no longer have it lol. I think 4c hair is absolutely stunning!

[@cmg25]

I stopped relaxing and going to the Dominican hair salons because: burned scalps aint it. I worked at a predominantly white school when I transitioned and I could not go 2 feet without compliments. As the natural hair movement gained traction, I learned a lot but I saw how it was turning into a “means to an end” - that end being length (not health) in order to prove our hair can grow. We need to start investigating our own motivations in order to be able to accept ourselves.

[@lalittl]

💯 this is so real, sometimes it’s easier to get appreciation for natural hair around white people.

[@offlier]

I've seen some thin, long hair. One of the nastiest things I ever seen. Thickness over length.

[@devonhoward333]

this! 🎯

[@sarebear7777]

@@offlier even that is problematic. Not all black women have thick hair. Some of us have thin hair, no matter the products we use or our lifestyle. The black cc uplifts long length as well as thickness. It's not bad to want thick hair but you don't degrade thin hair.

[@marie-francoiset9402]

@@offlier so, thin hair, long or short is 'nasty'? why? what if that is a bw natural hair? you going to call her hair nasty? why is that ok?

[@alasiah972]

Shittt I had a woman tell me I should use deva curl to get a juicy curl and shit 😐🫤and I was like don’t they got lawsuits? Ppl will put whatever on you bc that’s THEIR insecurity. Just another thing they want you to add on YOUR list ..

[@jasmined9607]

I'm always shocked they're still in stores. I see it every time I'm in ulta. Like how?!

[@bennym5244]

How dare that whyte woman do that?

[@gz5405]

@@bennym5244 idk if they know about juicy curls and devacurl lol

[@mewmew6158]

Yes! Seeing people call that woman crazy made me SO mad. Listen to people's experiences, even if they aren't yours personally! People who were so quick to call her ugly or unkempt are part of the problem. Not shaving doesn't make someone dirty or ugly, when are people going to realize that? People really exposed themselves with how they responded to this conversation.

[@angelawilliams9088]

No! that young lady isn't CRAZY she's just being satirical, oh I forget BM are the least educated in America! They wouldn't know when a person is trying to funny to prove a point, because a lot of them, barely finish high school!!!

[@LoveLaRieXO]

Folks loooove trying to tell Black women how to feel…

[@sherrisolomon8673]

@@nebulamars1488 That's our folks for ya.

[@reinelena9915]

@@nebulamars1488 idk with the rest. However, shaving armpit and pubic hair is part of African culture. I'm not sure for African Americans.

[@reinelena9915]

@@nebulamars1488 I understand. Plus I am certain that it is not all of them. Certain Nigerian tribes are as hairy as caucasians. However, those of us living in hot regions shaving is for hygiene reasons. It's done to prevent lice and genital crabs. No different than brushing your teeth or cleaning ones nose and ears. As human beings the body cannot be left completely natural, we do certain procedures to prevent odours and diseases.

[@saphire2214]

Black women need to continue to seek self love. Unabashed self love. We cannot continue to look for this type of acceptance and love outwardly and think we’re going to get it. It’s hard because of what we face everyday from our counterparts. Look inward. No one will accept us, until we accept ourselves. It’s a work in progress. I locked my hair 6 years ago and went through that journey from self loathing and self doubt to self healing, self acceptance and self love and never looked back. Best decision i ever made because of the inner work. I could be bald today if I wanted to and still feel like a goddess because the way I feel about myself no longer hinges on how others feel about me. It has nothing to do with me. That has to do with their own internal struggles and issues that they need to deal with. We have to realize that we don’t have to take that on. Let “them” deal with their own issues and let’s heal ourselves. Surround yourselves with people who love you and are kind to you. Remove the toxic stuff from your sphere as much as you possibly can. Do the work. There is no way around this but through this. I pray for us.

[@marie-francoiset9402]

THIS!!

[@tiara2crown]

I wish more people understood this.

[@shortyp1000]

The way we gaslight each other in this community is bananas. For example, making biracial women specifically black. Omitting their whole azz non-black parent in order to promote a Black aesthetic that is not Black, therefore putting pressure on discernable Black women.

[@ebonymurphy-root9564]

Well-said

[@kunglaoshat1250]

Big yes to everything she said at 19:10 The way I’ve been treated in public has absolutely been tied to my hair. For years I had an afro and I was basically invisible to most black men. No one was ever rude to me or anything so I didn’t even really notice it until I changed my hair. I went blonde and started wearing it straight and then black men started to interact with me more. On dating apps, but also in everyday life. Opening doors, starting conversations in stores, asking if I needed help carrying things, ect. When my hair was natural it was mostly white men interested in me. Then when my hair was straight (and dyed) it was almost exclusively black guys. It was such a surreal experience because my clothes, makeup and attitude were the same, but that ONE aspect of my appearance had a huge impact on my dating prospects.

[@alleyinn1]

Wow!

[@nat7535]

I'll be turning 50 this year and come from a very conservative (read white adjacent) Caribbean culture. We have survived 400 years of being told that we're inferior and of course we have internalized a great deal of it. But, within my lifetime I've seen black women, and men, make the decision to rebuke this narrative. It's still frustrating and even disheartening at times, but I have faith that as long as we hold each other, and ourselves, accountable we'll get there.

[@bennym5244]

But your still blaming your self image and self esteem on whyte people? You know full well it comes from within the community. If you keep on blaming everything on others you aren't going to get anywhere.

[@Yawn54]

@@bennym5244 right. White people may have started it, but it’s black people that keep it going.

[@Miranda-gi9fx]

@@bennym5244 It's aknowledging where the problem initially comes from. Of course we have a responsability but anti-blackness did not appear itself.

[@sunnymane]

I was really happy she did this to show black women and men that we don’t have to conform to other groups beauty standards. I think the most average hair type for black people gets the most hate. In fact, it’s adjacent to how the most average skin tone for black people get the most hate. We need more people like her to break the STATUS QUO

[@PHlophe]

y'all forget the most average BW voice too cos there is hatred on that too. the need for ppl to tell BW that they sound like cute little mices

[@DivestedFromBlackistann]

So your 4c hair doesn’t grow? Not meant to be long?

[@sunnymane]

​@@DivestedFromBlackistann I don't thinkwe should put emphasis on hair length. As long as our hair is healthy is all that should matter

[@DivestedFromBlackistann]

@@sunnymane I mean that’s what she said, so you agree or nah? Don’t dodge the question

[@gensai93]

@@DivestedFromBlackistann that's what she meant. And then it's her hair, so who cares what she does with it? This obsession we have with having length and having stretched hair that looks long is what she's talking about, obviously she's not saying our hair can't grow long.

[@Lady_Danbury]

This video was so interesting. I'm older, been working in white corporate america for along time and I have the "desirable" hair. Long, loosely textured. From my experience, white people care less about our hair than we do. When a black women at work would were natural hair,braids or dreds or something, the older black women in the office seemed to care about it the most and saw it as unprofessional. The whites in the office could not care less and these same women did not seem to lack opportunities vs women with weaves/straightened hair. Some of my white co workers who felt they could talk to me openly seemed to actually think our obsession with weaves was odd and wondered why we didn't just wear our own hair. This is is a complicated subject, but for the longest time I've felt that the harshest critics about our hair are black men and then in turn us black women based on the attraction level from the men.

[@alleyinn1]

YES YES YES YES YES. This could have been spoken from my own mouth... all of it. We have way more issue with our hair and skin tone than they do. The privilege points some black women in our community get for our hair (like me tbh) do NOT as readily transfer to privilege in the eyes of white folk. (Their obsession is thinness and fitness so thats the yardstick). 90% couldn't care less about our hair texture. Those who are open to seeing the beauty in black women will not be turned off by a fro. They will likely find it beautiful... and thats not fetishism. Its simply the absence of texturism. And that can be very liberating and affirming to the black women who are traditionally invisible or ridiculed by black men. They're not starting off in a penalty box of projected self-hatred

[@tylachad6102]

That’s honestly the saddest part. Black ppl are always bashing the way that we look because they think white people are doing the same. When in reality, we’re being our own worst enemy due to responsibility politics. Black ppl will base their entire life around how they’re perceived by the whites and it’s sad.

[@Ilikefrogs..]

As a Canadian, maybe it's a different vibe, but there are definitely workplaces here that are racist af, and will report their black employees for wearing their natural hair (cough cough *ZARA* cough) But there are also older black people who will pull black employees and black students aside and censure you if they think your hair isn't "done" The most criticism (outside the workplace) I received when I first went natural was from other black people and mainly the older ones. White people were always weirdly excited about it. Especially since black women wearing their natural hair wasn't as common then. I've even had several white people ask me to model for them (I do not look like a model fyi) which NEVER happened before I went natural.

[@videofan1010]

Your perspective is interesting... Especially because, you yourself admit your hair isn't 4c. What I've witnessed is that White people definitely notice when Black people in the workplace change their hair and sometimes depending on the changes you make, you can find yourself in trouble.

[@Lady_Danbury]

@@videofan1010 I mean you’re right. I don’t have perspective from having 4c hair. My perspective comes from having the “privileged” hair type and observing who I got privilege from. Honestly, it’s mostly black people. The white people in the work place seem to value body types, how you speak, and education over skin tone and hair. Definitely not saying race doesn’t play a factor at all, but the BW that thrive at my company tend to be slim, brown ladies, with Masters degrees. Hair types include small fros (not many, I’ll admit) to braids, dreds, and press and curls. Very few of the BW in higher positions have obvious weaves/lacefronts. This is a huge, worldwide company. Can’t say the name but I can assure you that you would know it. I was surprised because I thought the opposite would be true but in my experience black people are the harshest critics of BW hair. And white people are usually looking at other things. But again, that’s just my experience.

[@Giggles50]

4c hair does grow long, it’s curly. It can be short and long. Deal with it. You should love your hair, rebuke those who disagree and black people teach your kids to love their hair. Let black women wear their natural hair and style as they so please. Stop antiblackness!

[@tiara2crown]

The natural hair trauma runs deep and it’s sad. The “it’s unprofessional, it’s nApPY, it’s ugly” crap is bullsh*t and getting super old. I agree with a lot of what the women said on here-gotta get that self-love going. This is how our hair grows and it’s nothing ugly or unprofessional about it unless you’re blatantly not maintaining and taking care of it. Some of the same men on her video doing the gaslighting was probably some of the same ones who make such ignorant comments about black women’s hair. A lot of “us” starting to get on my nerve 🤷🏽‍♀️🙄

[@zypher1990]

“Can y’all not discern tone?””Being literal is a sign of low literacy” Thank you, Kim. THANK YOU! Like, I’m on Twitter constantly like…”Is everybody FUCKING slow?!” Jesus Christmas be a fucking fence.

[@seeia1673]

They be acting like they don’t get it!! It’s not hard to understand. Twitter can be such a tiresome platform sometimes lol

[@zypher1990]

@@seeia1673 But wait! Thee WORST offenders on Twitter are the dipshits that are pressed to use multisyllabic words that don’t fit and end up talking in circles thinking they’re debating and it’s like…”WHAT DID ANY OF THAT MEAN!?” Twitter is housing the dumb and dense. And I haven’t even started on comprehension🙄🫠

[@aprilshowers3246]

left a while back was great lol im stealing "Jesus Christmas be a fucking fence" its too good!

[@katiehope2132]

Such a coincidence! Me and my bf (black) got into a discussion about this today. He is really passionate about working through internalized anti blackness and we’re so dispirited by the way our communities are socialized to aspire proximity to whiteness, and denigrating black women in the process

[@jackieade6599]

WHOA! Beautiful, Ms. Hope:-)! Beautiful...

[@taraspeaks6293]

Side note Kim be on her cute all summer vibes. Love the braids. Meanwhile back to the hatred regarding all things black women. I love how the young lady stated " this is what the hair wanna do"!!! RIGHT. It is what it is. End of discussion 4C hell 4D hair. It doesn't matter we as black women gotta accept it first and yes it hurts when our men don't accept us but until we fully love ourselves......

[@Lastdayone]

Also I’d like to say she’s not lying, white men are not perpetuating texturism. Black men do; along with colorism. Many Black men do, because they don’t like to be associated with anything that reminds them of their blackness.

[@moneylineparlay105]

Date white men

[@Lastdayone]

@@moneylineparlay105 thanks for giving me permission…………😐

[@pietrycranberry6621]

Huh? They created the problem and instilled that self-hate in Black people. Also the power dynamic in this country is not controlled by Black folks after all these years of being in this land,so white people don't have to be outwardly racist because they already got some of our minds that we will unknowingly benefit white people.

[@imxel2193]

@@moneylineparlay105 we’re already doing that

[@moneylineparlay105]

@@imxel2193 I can't tell, are white men aware they dating y'all ?

[@Imaniijones]

It’s wild because it was black women I kept seeing saying the worst about her TikTok. I feel like it’s unfortunately not surprising for BM to do what they do, but BW belittling another BW in the way she did blew me.

[@imxel2193]

I noticed it was mainly older black women.

[@Imaniijones]

@@imxel2193 agreed

[@Jordaynross]

I'm a server, and sometimes I like to wear my hair in its natural fro state. I switch my hair up a lot, from blowouts, to twist outs, puffs, knotless braids, flat ironed, slick buns, and in its natural 4c state. On this particular day I wore my fro; which is a personal favorite of mine. I remember the amount of compliments I got from coworkers, customers and strangers (mostly black and white people) alike and it made me feel great! Shortly after, a group of three black aunties came in, and sat. I could hear as I walked passed, serving food, one of them distinctively said while looking at me "she went out with that head like that?". Granted, she was talking low, but being a server I tune into convos very easily; to see if the table needs anything. My point is that it be your own people as well that kills your confidence. I honestly wore my hair in a bun for the rest of the week. I of course got over myself and went back to styling my hair however I like. But it was a moment that made me feel embarrassed about the own hair that grows out of my head.

[@chocolate_cosmos]

No shade to them and they are the product of their time/generation. But their real hair be so ATE UP, that I just have pity for them (like my mom that talked shit about my locs now shaved head) 💀 They've never experienced their true self without chemical burns and I'll be damned if I let their self hate affect me. I'm proud of you 🥰

[@serenity6831]

They made a whole Hinge profile trying to prove her wrong. Vile behavior.

[@anissa2361]

Right. Someone could've assaulted her because of their behavior.

[@learningearning8385]

Right.. just to prove that… men are horny. How of those men actually wanted relationships? 😂😩

[@birdiewolf3497]

Men are not okay. Paying $30 for a dating profile to "prove her wrong." It is clinically insane behavior, I hope he sees a mental health professional expeditiously. If he can't afford it, I will donate to the gofundme. That is a man in crisis.

[@nicolehernandez11]

Side Note: Natural 4C hair do be pulling white boys though lol

[@tendibee]

I thought the minute I went natural I won the battle with my appearance and it took me so long to realise that the overmanipulation/overstyling of my 4c hair was not healthy either. We can talk about structural racism and fetishes all we like but she wasn't lying when she says the demographic of the men who approach you changes when your hair does🤷🏽‍♀️

[@carolinesimeon4361]

sameee and that’s why I decided to loc mine, because if you have to do all of that manipulation to feel comfortable leaving the house with your natural hair are you really even embracing it fr? the fro journey was great and empowering but there’s levels to this and you start to realize all of the geling down and slicking of the our natural hair defeats the purpose at the end of the day.

[@quickpstuts412]

Yes it does!! And I actually like it!

[@ladybird491]

I have legit super tight 4c hair wear twist only now and tight roller sets, nothing else and now I have no breakage and very little shedding, and hair growing faster.

[@dsmith3051]

“Y’all are deranged!! We gotta make mental healthcare free!” Amennn

[@HerReelReview]

I just took out my crochet and I'm gonna wash my hair unstretched. We gotta embrace these coils

[@macummings7818]

❤️

[@Zikomo7]

One of the only times my father spanked me was when I cut off one off my braids in the 2nd grade. He called me pretty for the first time when I got a weave at age 16. Don’t get me started on all the comments about celebrities who need to grow their hair out.

[@alleyinn1]

Heartbreaking

[@Martina_E]

Sorry that happen to you!

[@AlieciaT]

Since I was a little girl, all of this was known to me, and every day I am still slightly blown away by the ignorance that is still occurring.

[@chicfila4101]

I just want to say it makes me happy to see so many people in the comments that GET IT! Let’s not sit up here and pretend like things aren’t what they seem when most women who have worn their 4C hair can vouch for this young woman. Black men have been colorist towards her (for what her hair does NATURALLY) so who is anyone to tell her that her experience of that was invalid or made up? Self love is so much more important than us wanting to appeal to men with absolute trash mindsets, low intelligence, and low self esteem.

[@eurekamreum5458]

Period!

[@NewMoon1972]

So true. I don’t really care what BM or really any man thinks of my hair but what really gets me amped is when a little black girl looks at me with my chocolate self, with my type 4 hair and says “I really like your hair”. That right there , is it for me 🥹 ! I walk confidently in both my hair and my skin. Wouldn’t change it even if I could. Self love is definitely key.

[@JayKennedy101]

Thank GOD I married a black man who was raised by a woman who wore nothing but her natural hair. He internalized that and wanted that in a mate. He loves my natural 4c and now my Baby locs. But he met me years ago with wigs and relaxers. He wondered what was beyond all of it. But I had my share of my own biases for my hair become of my mother straightened my hair since age 4 then relaxers started at age 5! My hair wasn’t fine curls like hers and she couldn’t deal. I was just like this woman in the video, I was like fuck it, I’m gonna learn to LIKE this damn tight ass Afro, nothing on it but some oil and water lol. Surprisingly, when I felt more confident- the compliments came from all angles. Hey

[@SunseedStarchild]

Black men who love distinctly Afro-descendant features are true gems. That's when you know the love is real.

[@keade5273]

They are truly a diamond

[@marie-francoiset9402]

so why was he dating you with wigs & weaves if he was trained by his mom to love a bw with natural hair? why didn't he just go for a sis with natural hair in the beginning? not trying to get at you, I was just confused by that part

[@TealCat14]

@@marie-francoiset9402 wouldn't it be equally weird if he only approached her because of her hair though. Like, surely she is still is a whole person outside of her hair and it is possible for two things to be right at the same time. Just saying we're assuming a lot, basing the start and continuation of their relationship around her hair. How do we know he didn't ask to see her natural hair early on, or later? How do we know they met in a way where that would've have even been a subject matter? The unicorn,I think, is just supporting the choice to do what you want with your hair without hate or unnecessary critics.

[@victoriamitchell7233]

@@cherlebiscuite maybe he actually saw her as a PERSON beyond the type of hair she has good lord.

[@phdgirl2016]

What’s striking is that Black men have increasingly been growing their hair out - in all of its nappy, kinky, coily unmanipulated wonder. I was watching an NBA game recently and commented to a friend on this shift. And while, it’s a beautiful thing - there are a many of them, who don’t find those same features on Black women becoming. It’s not uncommon for me to see those men with women with curls, wavy, or in others words, non-4c hair types.

[@k_235]

Definitely been noticing this lately!

[@yazmina84]

I agree that most of these men are gaslighting and don’t accept 4C hair. I’m GenX and grew up in Los Angeles, Ca. To pull men, you had to straighten your hair. At that time even 3C hair was still considered too black. The majority of black women are what makes the natural hair movement possible. Very few black men are truly supportive.

[@shostoppah111]

She ain’t lying we only pulling YT boys with that hair!🤦🏾‍♀️💁🏾‍♀️🙋🏾‍♀️

[@happythredz]

i got a 3a blonde wig and wore it for abt a month and the amount of ppl who acknowledged and complimented me/the hair was literally concerning so i stopped wearing it . like concerning bc why can’t i get that same energy when i’m wearing my natural afro

[@ensabahnur3104]

Now I'm wondering if there is a Chad at a random conference who's like Girl...these edges... Maybe somewhere in the multiverse..

[@homebody61]

🤣🤣

[@jayceechester]

I remember my ex posting memes on social media saying he wished he had a girlfriend with curly hair. Then will turn around and shame me for not wearing my natural hair. The audacity.

[@MsSugarDyme]

How many BM like 4C hair... what percentage??? 12%... I'm going with 12 🤔 Opinions don't negate the lived experience. Naturally yours truly 🥰

[@Greenman42241]

KIM you look Dafuckkk goodt 😍

[@Reena-Elaine]

I’m so glad you made this video. I’ve had locs for almost 14 years. Locs down to my butt. I started combing them out last night because I just felt like that journey is over. However, I opted to comb my hair because I was so afraid to cut my hair and have a fade again. I question myself. Am I gonna look ugly with my natural hair texture? I am talking myself through this process. I just want healthy hair and I want to feel beautiful even if society isn’t gonna view me a such. I am very much aware that twa’s are not as respected as a luscious fro. This is so sad. Anti blackness is still alive and kicking.

[@inmeditatewetrust]

That's an amazing journey...I plan on getting microlocs. Whether u cut it short or comb it out it's still a new journey in your hair life 🙏🏼

[@Reena-Elaine]

@@inmeditatewetrust ❤️ im excited for this new journey of self love

[@user-vu9gd8ed1h]

A fade would be dope! You could also grow out your new growth for a few months and have a twa if you decide not to do that

[@DawnNa_22]

Fetishization is not exclusive to white people. We’re really going to act like black men don’t fetishize black women too? How many times have we heard “I mean, that a** though”, or “you got some dsl’s” or “I really like your skin tone.” These types of comments are aimed at black woman all the time, and not by white men. None of that compliments the woman as a person, it’s all about what the man feels he can get from her. If a man likes me and I like him, I don’t worry about whether anyone will feel a way about it because I’m happy. And I suggest other black women do the same.

[@zaireo73]

‘Don’t fucking play with me.’ I Stan…

[@babyxoxo]

“How u gone tell me how I was born is ugly like stop fuckin playing with me“ girl seriously 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@mel...s]

Kim's life is so full and she's so happy I can just see the dust fall off her shoulders. I don't feel she's taking anything personal. What a beautiful thing to watch. Keep being happy beautiful black woman!!!

[@kay7732]

The gaslighting be too real. Black people try to make dark skin and 4C-hair Black women feel like why they go through isn’t really happening while participating in the foolery. It’s rough out here.

[@CarmenSD]

Exactly!

[@bb-od9ku]

To me this is the same thing when guys say they hate makeup. They just want women that look how they want without makeup. They are mad because they like us with makeup but don't look how they want without it.

[@matxalenc8410]

I love that she's trying to accept her hair. That shrinkage kills me sometimes, but better to have healthy shrinking hair then not.

[@gbbs9]

Right! I cannot with my own shrinkage for several reasons. But I love the girls that do😂

[@bzzybrie8232]

Also, I really must say: As a black femme, it's so interesting to see how hair is an immediate segue into an assessment of one's personality, goals, social standing, etc. and vice versa. No matter what or whom, the first thing bm and bw do when disparaging a bw is to go after the hair. And because your hair is messed up, you're ashy, you put lotion on after you put your clothes on. Your armpits smell, your face is unwashed, your breath smells bad and it all goes back to HAIR. And there's hardly safety anymore. I think the natural hair community in some ways, in fact, have regressed because there's such a focus on growing your hair so it's long without being stretched. The amount of big chops I've seen from heat damage soft glam blowout failures feels like it has gone on the extreme rise and there's no peace to just wear your hair unstretched without it being a statement of political prowess. And you can't even turn to people 5 or 6 years older than you; the amount of 25-35 year old bm+w that I saw attacking her reminded me of the fact that as much as we need our elders, the self-hate and projection from them can be so astronomical that finding peace in the expected racism and ignorance of white people officially hurts WAY less than hearing a kick-in-the-stomach comment from an auntie I thought I could turn to, be it online or not. This video was really amazing and they rlly do be trying to gaslight us!!! And then if you date someone out of your race, especially a white person, then 'crustiness' is automatically prescribed to your branding - so much so, we begin to ascribe it to ourselves??? "You like me even when my hair is crusty so I'm a crusty when I'm with you" or something, it's such a thing and my thoughts officially petered out three sentences back. anyways. great vid. and for the ppl who couldn't take a teenager making a joke... ur cracked. lmao

[@_SkyeLer]

I had a good 2-minute CACKLE at “you’re ashy and put on lotion after you put on your clothes” 😭. Loved the rest of the comment but that part.

[@luvlyrickle]

Underrated comment. You're an incredible writer btw. Feel like I'll be reading more of your work soon.

[@ane3sha]

i didnt realize the tiktoker was a teenager but while the age range you listed are very much grappling with this conversation, actual "elders" are even worse about hair respectability. nobody is nearly as impressed by my straight hairstyles quite like black women age 50 and older.

[@parklady4233]

Therapy got to be a part of reparations! Them plantations been done is in. We need mental healthcare bad!

[@nicolareid6362]

The TikToker said “ I can only pull white boys with this” not “ I can pull a white boy now”. Those two sentences mean two different things.

[@yupthatsme5257]

the discourse that little throw-away comment launched on the bird app is insane! bm and bw being so mean to that woman and for what??? everyones experiences are different, why deny hers 😭

[@kennedyvincent3217]

Can we as a collective just take a long break from black men?!

[@traceeford2914]

Don't-play-with-me-Kimberly is a treat😍

[@itsme3k]

I've been rocking my natural hair since 2005 before it was trendy. Black men use to criticize my hair and I have 4a/b hair.. I always ignore them. Faster forward to my mid twenties black men like my natural hair. I been rolling my damn eyes ever since. Long story short do what makes you happy and ignore these men. I have been since I was like 15.

[@MichelleG333]

I’m going through this now. BM didn’t like my 4c hair till it got past shoulder length.