Being RIGHT vs Being EFFECTIVE: Why Being Right May be Bringing You Down | Dr. Rami Nader

Have you ever found yourself focussed on doing something out of principle? Because it is the right thing to do, or it is within your right to do it? We all do. The problem is when we are so preoccupied with being right, that we lose sight of being effective - actually accomplishing what we want in a particular situation. We can get so caught up in being right that we actually move away from what we intended to achieve in the situation, thereby making us unhappy, discontent and miserable. In this video, I discuss the difference between being right versus being effective and how focussing on being right can actually contribute to feelings of depression and anxiety. I also discuss how you can recognize when you are getting preoccupied with being right at the expense of being effective and what you can do to change that.
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[@yuvalshlush7846]

Great topic! I end up far too much in situatations when I am sure I am right but arguing about it rarely helps and usually just destroys relationships. I never looked at it from your perspectives but I will try that. Tnx

[@DrRamiNader]

The key is effectiveness and knowing what it is you actually want in a situation.

[@guldenakdemir2493]

I definitely see how many times I took the "right" road and ended up being in a more chaotic situation and losing sight of what I really should have been focusing on.

[@DrRamiNader]

Exactly the point of the video. Glad you found it helpful!

[@Katreeontree]

When I saw the title I immediately felt exhausted, because this is my weak spot. Combined with short temper it has made me a lot of trouble in social connections. Sadly I usually don't really feel that exact moment, when I have to beware or step back. I'm trying to take an extra time to decide how to react, but life is dynamic, more often decisions have to be made immediately. I've found your channel recently and I really like your videos and how you speak, thank you!

[@DrRamiNader]

Welcome to the channel and I'm pleased you have found the videos helpful!

[@angelahall4332]

Dr. Nader, I have learned so much about dealing with long-term depression from you! That said, I am remembering another video in which you said to think about the long-term results of a situation. This helps put the present problem in perspective. The client in this video could have thought about why in the world his bottle of water will make any difference in 5-10 years and how his wife and friends will remember him and this situation in 5-10 years. So not worth it! I look forward to all your videos!

[@DrRamiNader]

Hi Angela - I am glad you have found the videos helpful and have been able to generalize information from the videos to other areas, which is great, as these are therapeutic skills that can be used in a number of different situations. Thanks for supporting the channel!

[@ladyj5682]

I feel the same Bout Dr. Nader! Years of wasted money, time but these videos have down more to help me on this journey of struggling with depression

[@5erytfshfjo97r7dygkpu]

Someone I know is in pain and lost money because I was right. I tried to convince them to help them, but I didn't try hard enough so I changed from trying to help them to, "Let's see who is right in the end." No one say thank you for being right. They say thank you for convincing me to do the right thing. In the end, both party loses (if you care about them) when you are right and you didn't convince them.

[@rabiabelani1184]

Wow! This is really a life lesson, I'll make sure to work on myself to stop trying to always be right

[@DrRamiNader]

Glad you found it helpful.

[@McInerneyEoin]

Looks like Im screwed then. I see no point in succeeding if I have to give up my principles to do it. I'll hate myself for giving in to something I disagree with.

[@DrRamiNader]

Hi Eoin - thanks for your comment. It's not about a person giving up their principles all the time, but rather understanding what their ultimate goals are and ensuring that they are being most effective in achieving those goals. It's in a rigid adherence to principles that people lose sight of what they actually want.

[@plantmama7442]

Essentially you can either be happy or right. Pick and choose your battles wisely! The embarrassment and misery you cause yourself or others isn’t worth it !

[@DrRamiNader]

I agree - the key is picking and choosing your battles and remembering what your ultimate goal is in the situation.

[@thelmaviaduct]

Brilliant video, thank you 👍🏿

[@DrRamiNader]

Hi Thelma - you're welcome, glad you found it useful! Thanks for supporting the channel :)

[@thelmaviaduct]

@@DrRamiNader you break down the complex, which makes it easier to understand. When behaviour is ingrained, it's difficult to identify the issue, and as a result, the fix 👍🏿

[@user-lv4zb5pn3e]

Excellent thx

[@DrRamiNader]

You're welcome!

[@johnrainsman6650]

I still don't understand. What's wrong with being right? Why do some people make being right so complicated and "underrated"? It's simple: you're right, the other person is wrong. The person who's right has nothing to own or be responsible for; that only applies to the person who's wrong. There is no deeper, more insightful meaning to the whole right-VS-wrong thing. It doesn't need a complex philosophy. Being right is right 👍and being wrong is wrong👎 It's equivalent to good guy VS bad guy. Some people actually say that being right doesn't matter, that peace matters more. If I didn't know any better, I'd say they were suggesting the _right_ person should apologize to the _wrong_ person, but that can't be, can it?

[@DrRamiNader]

Nothing wrong with being right, but when having to be right interferes with ultimate goals and purpose, then being right isn't great.

[@johnrainsman6650]

@@DrRamiNader Well, if you and your partner (or whoever, I don't care) were in an argument and they were wrong and you were right, would you belittle and dismiss that truth?

[@Hend3077]

Very beneficial Thank you

[@DrRamiNader]

You're welcome!

[@Alberts_Stuff]

Good asmr voice 👍🏼

[@DrRamiNader]

Lol, thanks

[@Elemenohpea440]

If EVERYONE stood up and protested not being able to bring water bottles, this sort of nonsense would stop. Honestly, and this is coming from someone who is very oriented towards principles, I perceive other people choosing their own material comfort over standing up to injustices. This may seem like a crazy hill to die on, but things like having to pay $4 for a water bottle is death by a thousand cuts. Before you know it, going to a baseball costs an excessive amount of money for families, and kids who aren’t wealthy never experience the joys of americas past time. That being said, I wouldn’t have argued with the man or made a fuss at the moment, but I might lobby to make it a right to bring water, an essential human need to a stadium. This sort of nonsense actually DOES have a terrible effect on our society. It makes people rigid and anxious. It isn’t some silly little rule, especially when it applies to all public life.

[@zacharytowey6989]

The explanation was way too long at the beginning. Completely lost me.