Being Trans in the Kink Community // On Guard Ep 17

We're living in a time when trans issues are front and center in the social discussion, both within kink communities and elsewhere. But what is being kinky and trans really like? What was it like to transition decades ago and how does it differ today? How does a trans man best navigate within gay men's spaces? How can event producers, groups, and individuals within the kink scene be useful allies and inclusive of trans men?
These are just some of the topics covered in this lively conversation with well-known leatherman and kinkster, Mike Hernandez. And there’s some very funny stories told that had the entire On Guard crew laughing a lot.
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[@sagew1312]

What makes me happy is growing up as a trans person I love seeing older trans people. I never thought we could live and grow. It's beautiful seeing older generations.

[@jamiwoods3822]

68 babe. We paved the way,

[@sagew1312]

@@jamiwoods3822 y'all did. 🥹 I'm 27 and never thought I'd make it this long.

[@TheoRae8289]

I'm only in my late 30s, and oftentimes, I was the elder trans because there was really no one else in our area. Small town issues.

[@FourHeadsNoBrains]

It's so refreshing to hear an older trans guy talk about his experiences with an air of normalcy and lightheartedness rather than anguish and/or wrath! It really gives the trans "issue" a whole other side and it's really humanizing as well. My only critique is that he's just too fucking funny. I almost pissed myself from laughter and I'm not into that territory yet.

[@thiel_spencer]

I'm about to be 20, I'm a trans man, and I LOVE this. It's so precious to see a future for being in the kink community and a future with being trans!

[@bexxgenx3165]

I think the simplest way is to headline an event like this: 'This is an all inclusive event. ALL men are welcome.' Simple, effective.

[@calebdanielherman4913]

This gives me hope as a kinky transman that maybe there is a place for me in the community. Thank you so much for this episode!

[@sandraodell610]

Same. 🤜🤛

[@Hunter-vy3cq]

As a gay-flexible trans leatherboy, I feel SO seen! Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, having this conversation, and starting a dialogue amongst our community. Much love! 🖤💚❤🤍

[@litaylor]

Amp is so right about interacting with Trans communities. If you get it wrong accept that you will do this , and don’t over apologise or get mad if someone corrects you. Absolutely brilliant video thanks so much

[@sammckinlay6918]

Exactly, go in with the attitude of “If I get something wrong I’m going to listen and be gracious and thankful for being corrected” instead of “I’m going to get this wrong” which hinders any potential connections.

[@forgenorman3025]

As a trans man I HATE when someone crucifies themselves over what should be just a small mistake and learning opportunity. It puts me in the position of having to comfort and assure them after they've messed up, and it shows they aren't actually interested in doing the right thing, just _looking_ like they're doing the wrong thing.

[@rowan7588]

I am so happy you guys did this episode. I'm currently transitioning as a trans guy and just seeing a trans man that has really been able to be a part of the kink/gay men communities gives me a lot of hope for my chances of building those kinds of connections.

[@StarLord-o9v]

Hey guys, I’m 72. I thought I’d been around but out of circulation so I’ve missed much since my lover died in 2012. And the point is: Y’all know that there are Garden Gnome Dildos in several colors, Norman the Gnome is very pink. Also every episode is a learning experience. Thanks.

[@OwenTheCreator]

Thank you for doing this episode! The representation is so appreciated. I am such a fan of the thoughtfulness and sincerity y’all bring to this show across all the episodes. 🏳️‍⚧️❤️

[@SanjayPulver]

This was a great episode! Mike is a good friend of mine and I have been hoping for an episode on trans masculinity in leather for awhile. And I will say personally when I was at Bearisson in 2022 you all were super friendly, affirming, and excited for me to have my surgery. I still am adjusting to navigating men's kink spaces even after 9 years being out but the reception and willingness to engage has been overwhelmingly positive. Thank you for all you do. :)

[@angelangelcutie3897]

As a kinky trans guy I’d just like to say thank you for making this video and feel free to say hi other trans folk I’d love to make more friends hehe ❤

[@CertifiedPsychiatrist]

hello!

[@MikeH-chef2b]

Hello.

[@RedactedBroadcast]

Hi!

[@crownclowncreations]

I am so so glad this got recommended to me! Not only because as a transman in the kink community, I needed to see other people like me, but it is genuinely so amazing to see older trans men. I am also extremely jealous of their magnificent beards! I barely have a single hair on my chin. Maybe someday 😂

[@dramonmaster222]

Another excellent conversation On Guard! Plus it's great to have a conversation about Trans issues with an actual Transperson involved. Plus Kink is for everyone.

[@sandraodell4423]

🤜🤛🤌

[@NerfHerder909]

Aside from being rather late to this party and only partway through the video, first of all, this is such a great discussion. Secondly, I'm a trans guy, only a couple of years into transition (but a late bloomer and in my early 40s). Personally, I'm pretty pragmatic. If I'm on the apps or at a play party or something, I'm not expecting everyone I talk to to have a gender studies degree. I'd like to think that my Spidey sense is pretty good, and that I can tell the difference between someone who's being deliberately disrespectful and someone who's well-intentioned but maybe a little clueless or just... hasn't ever interacted with a real life trans person/trans man before. In the latter case, that's okay! No one is born knowing this stuff, and it's fine to ask, "Hey, is this terminology okay?" or, "Hey, how to you refer to [insert anatomy here]?" Most trans people I know are operating from a pretty similar place, but I know from experience that a lot of cis people really tie themselves up in knots because the trope is the trans person who rages out because they get misgendered or someone uses the wrong word or something. And I'm sure there are some people out there who are like that, but IRL, I think most of us are pretty accustomed to hearing things phrased in maybe not-ideal ways by someone who genuinely means well. Some of the best experiences I've had have been with cis guys who weren't chronically online and maybe didn't know exactly the right word for something, but were open to learning more and didn't take it personally if I said, "Hey, actually, I call it XYZ." Ultimately, we're all just there to make a connection and have a good time. Anyway, Mike seems like a great guy and very sensible. Thank you for posting this!

[@coronadioro7153]

I'm so happy to see this episode! I've had an interest in participating in the kink community for such a long time but have been so worried about how I'd fit in, it's so nice to see another trans man have such a big part in the community. It's honestly inspiring and makes the hesitancy in me lower. Great work guys!!!

[@DrachenGothik666]

Your guest has such a magnificent beard! Wow! My beard isn't quite as amazing, but it's pretty wild Mountain Man, so I'm pretty proud of it (I'm transmale, gay/demi-ace, they/them). My only beef with what he said in his talk is what he said about the word cisgender. It's not a description or slur on male. It's a word for a person who agrees with the gender they were assigned at birth. Not a slur or negative connotations at all. It's from the Latin Cis "on this side", just as "trans" is from the Latin "on the other side". The terms have been used in science, medicine, maths, geography, & geology for centuries. The only people who use it as a slur are the right wing because they use "trans" as a slur.

[@marvelholt21]

I'm a transmasculine nonbinary person (they/them pronouns) who is attracted to gay men hearing someone talk about how hard it can be to get guys to play with you makes me feel such a "thank god i'm not the only one" sort of feeling.

[@lxcky21]

Thank you so much for this episode! It’s always so great to hear about and from our elders. Thank you Mike! Your participation to this show is bringing peace in my life I didn’t know I was missing ❤

[@neonblkhole]

lou sullivan fought for trans rights✌️

[@josepinheiro6064]

Mike was interesting even as just as a conversationalist.

[@ModestDemon]

So happy I found y'all.. first WattsTheSafeword and now this. I'm learning a lot, and seeing the gentleness with which y'all approach different topics is very helpful! It may be just me but I was always intimidated by the leather community but this is educational and shows that I was wrong in that assumption. Building connections and making it easier for LGBT folx to find their way into safe conversations. I'd say my biggest fear was just talking to anyone gay in a social context because I have anxiety and didn't know or understand whether I'd just be hit on or actually listened to as I have a bunch of questions! Thank you for helping to make the LGBT community seem more accepting and comfortable! Also I've recently been diving back into the world of cigars so it's very nice to see you smoking cigars while discussing these topics :)

[@now.here.01]

the gnome story is soooo great omg! the beauty of play.

[@mrviking6026]

This is probably my favorite episode ever. And you guys made made some great episodes. And great audio too….. 10/10 will recommend. 👍🏻

[@jordanhughes5606]

I generally don't get that chance to listen to this show and as a young trans kinkster this was an episode I had to make time for. thank you this episode was so awesome

[@rykerlane4499]

Okay but a bunny hunt!!!! LOVE IT

[@hannahhansen3005]

It’s LGBTQIA2S+ a lot more than just sexual preference. Anyone saying otherwise is a few years behind the game. And white male privilege is a lot more than money. A heck of a lot more. In fact it’s the same with white privilege in general, it’s not just a credit score. Not by a long shot.

[@whitevader007]

Thank you all. I learned a lot! Especially the events. I'm also very creative in making items, costumes. But I haven't used on toys yet, it will b fun when I start with that. (Mike you have an amazing beard! *being beardstruck!*)

[@zhaygagnon8060]

Sometimes listening to some paths of conversation are frustrating, still a good episode ♡ nice and refreshing to see people having conversations without feeling like they need to police themselves so much♡ thanks for the episode yall!!♡♡♡

[@chrisking5995]

Great episode!

[@A-yv2sr]

hi guys!! absolutely LOVE your videos!! i was wondering if you could incorporate subtitles in the future, if at all possible? no worries if not

[@neverwares]

An excellent discussion! Thank you for this 🏳️‍⚧️

[@CertifiedPsychiatrist]

As always, this podcast is cool and invites me to feel gay without feeling Gay(tm)

[@henna7216]

This was a great conversations. Thank you!

[@garbear73-og]

Beautiful audio improvements this time!! :) A great conversation and very informative. Congrats all!

[@sammckinlay6918]

This conversation was amazing to watch, Mike seems like such a legend.

[@fynntasticmovienight]

Omg im excited for this one!!

[@christinelawrie3476]

I listened to this as a podcast... absolutely have to watch it! I just wanted to comment on the weaponisation of "cis-" because it has been weaponised, and this ab 4:04 solutely has to be fought. The cis- prefix came about through sociology, so research could be done into the different experiences of trans as opposed to cis. And it's starting to be used more in health as well, so health issues unique to the trans community can be properly studied and documented. But the weaponisation needs to be fought because the people weaponising it are the far right nutjobs who want to erase the trans community. Objecting to "cis-" only happens when people want to insist sex and gender are binary... and they aren't.

[@forgenorman3025]

Yes this! It's simply latin for "on the same side of" and is used in chemistry as well. I gotta disagree with Mike about this and the privilege stuff, that's a very simplistic and incorrect way of looking at male privilege.

[@sandraodell4423]

Thank you more than I can ever say with words.

[@8877dksljfa]

I just started this episode and I already love it ❤

[@8877dksljfa]

Also that beard oh my god 😳

[@pupperhoni]

Thank you so much for this 💙💙

[@michelehorndavis9807]

It’s MamaBear’s Kitchen 😁🥰

[@MikeH-chef2b]

Sorry about that! Nerves.

[@stormyuniverse97]

We love yall! Much love from DFW!

[@Erik-o9q]

Excellent video.Please invite that guy again as part of the conversatiin to tak about his fisting experience.This is the best video on this channel.That guy is owesome.

[@Howtoeatrocks]

To be a fly on the wall during the gnome trials. 😭 Sounds like such a fun time

[@gordonadams4793]

Historically funny. Bout pissed myself laughing

[@DrachenGothik666]

Do you mean _hysterically_ funny? Though historically funny works, too. 😛

[@LP-km7gj]

Happy the audio appears to be fixed!

[@UnopinionatedBystander2393]

Yeeee! THANK YOUUUUU!

[@fishify203]

can someone please give Mike my digits?

[@MikeH-chef2b]

I think that you already found me on IG.

[@rebelcowboyelvis8.16.77]

Interesting that you mention race Bannon I seen a video of him from the leather archives and Museum channel on a show called The Leather report

[@EmberPhotography]

I like the episode. I enjoy learning different points of view and am a regular wts, on guard, podcast, and patreon member. I agreed with everything except for the hormone blockers for kids because kids don't have a fully developed brain and i don't want them to transition and then regret their choices later in life. When you're of legal age or having serious health issues (mental or physical) , it's your body, your choice. I'm not trans, I try to be respectful, but that is my opinion.

[@DrachenGothik666]

PS: I'm surprised you guys didn't get into the history of trans history of Stonewall. It was a trans woman who started it all: they threw the first brick, as it were, in the Stonewall riot during the fight for gay rights to be out in public.

[@joecaprani5772]

That fact has been referenced by the panel several times before in earlier episodes of this series, which, if you haven't watched you obviously wouldn't know. Maybe they thought it didn't need to be mentioned again here, although it would have been very apt.

[@diegoj7191]

Hey. Does Mike have a insta, facebook or twitter, possibly? He's so entertaining. Would love to follow him.

[@gazaht]