Benzodiazepine Withdrawal: Depression

[@julieadams5389]

You have explained it well. We can get to a place where we want to check out. We can feel as if we cannot stand another day. It’s not that we don’t want to live but we don’t know how we can continue on feeling the way we do. My bouts of depression feel like I’m aching throughout my body and mind with an indescribable despair. Every thought can cause a wave of this feeling. A while back I got to a place where I was on the brink of seeking help from the gp. ( that help would have been ads or benzos). I was even urged to get meds from a good friend. I nearly gave in to her suggestion. ( even though I had been off a benzo for about 18 months). I resisted. The very next day I had the best window to date. I remember thinking that if I had taken a med I would have assumed that the med was the reason for the lifting of the depressed state. So then I would have continued on the med. Depression will always lift but we are never convinced of that, are we? . Loving these videos. Finding them so helpful. You articulate bind in such a descriptive and accurate way. Loving you mentioning Dr. Weekes work so much too.

[@jenniferswanphd]

what a great post, julie. and such an important point - had you taken the med that day, the window you experienced the next day would have most likely been attributed to the med you (almost) took -- thanks for sharing!

[@jaclynpeters3892]

This is so well-written Julie. Thank you. I have been in acute waves that have been hitting me from morning until about 4 pm. I am suicidal during this time…not wanting to die, but unable to live in such despair and an inner ache of hopelessness. I cannot imagine it lifting ever again while I am in it…even though it has been going on within this pattern for days. Then, the window opens until bedtime. I feel convinced that I may need to add an anti-depressant, but deep down I know that it is not the answer. Still, as each cycle happens, I am convinced it will never lift and that it is how I truly am. This is some crazy ass shi*. It just goes to show that the brain is flipping its own switches, and as so many have said ‘it’s lying to us’. Man, I wish I could get on top of it mid-wave.

[@PrekshitBhargava-kl8xe]

​@@jaclynpeters3892 how r u now?

[@jaclynpeters3892]

@@PrekshitBhargava-kl8xe I am still tapering. It has improved a lot. I have days of what I call ‘black brain’ where the depression flips on. During that ‘wave’, it feels unending. But, it always lifts. SI is par for the course for many. If you are experiencing this, do NOT buy into it. It’s the drug, the WD…it’s not you. Whatever you need to do, without negative consequence of course to you or others , you do to get through the duration of the depression. Another note. If you keep looking to others’ stories, you will always come across negative ones. I rarely comment or read comments anymore. It’s important to protect your state. It would be ideal to be able to filter what you read, but scrolling through can’t offer that to you. Stay strong. Focus on you, and try to shield yourself from negativity. So important. Keep moving forward and stay in the moment, and the next moment, and the next. Time is the healer.

[@elldev33]

I am tapering Valium currently and I agree - it’s not a normal low. The doom is unbelievable, the level of sadness scares me. I’ve been depressed before, this is a different game. The weird part I notice, that you also mentioned, is that you can feel absolutely awful in the morning, then pretty ok at night.

[@jenniferswanphd]

yes, it's almost an indescribable set of symptoms, right? I am so sorry you are going through this. Mornings are a whole new level of hades. take good care and wishing you the best!

[@juanjllo2403]

Relatable, kinda like a long suicidal episode

[@fishcake29]

Very helpful video l on a very bad day. Sometimes it's hard to tell if you are accepting or fighting the symptoms, and if you are in fact fighting them it can cause this awful depletion/ depression.

[@catherinie]

listening to this whilst going through a wave of terrible chemical depression. thank you for making me feel less alone❤️

[@p.e.941]

Thanks Jennifer for these videos. My depression doesn’t feel like depletion because it hit like a thunderbolt a few days after I got off my SSRI rather than slowly creeping up on me as I became more worn out from other symptoms like anxiety and insomnia . The depression was and continues to be 10 times worse than any depression I ever experienced that prompted me to go on an SSRI in the first place. The level of despair I feel is overwhelming. But like yours, it also does tend to become easier in the evenings and as far worse in the mornings.

[@jenniferswanphd]

Hi P I am so sorry to hear about how bad the depression is. Were you also on a benzo? Did you taper off that before SSRI or were you put on SSRI because of withdrawal? How long have you been off benzo and antidepressant? Did you taper off the AD? You’re welcome, I’m glad the videos are helpful but so sorry you are struggling.

[@opeyemiyusuf8965]

How is it now🙏

[@debbie8990]

Thank you Jennifer. I can relate to being depressed in that I feel like this will never end and that I'm not going to get better. I get so down I want to be happy and have joy again.

[@jenniferswanphd]

Hi Debbie, I'm sorry to hear you are facing this challenging symptom. You will absolutely feel joy again, it's just right now our limbic system (as well as many other systems) are misfiring and out of whack -- makes it near impossible to experience joy while we are holding on for dear life. Keep going, it's going to be okay.

[@PrekshitBhargava-kl8xe]

how r u now

[@randyhobbs6842]

Yep. Anxiety in the morning, depression in the afternoon, and feeling better in the evening is my typical pattern while I’m in a wave especially. In a window, I’m pretty good the whole day, and I hold onto that feeling as much as I can. Still tapering using Valium.

[@randyhobbs6842]

Also, I am on an SSRI (Zoloft). No idea if it’s helping 😂

[@xy-qy2yg]

You still stay so positive. I had never had any issues. Just some sadness.

[@enzooliveira5395]

it is horrible, ive been real depressed a lot of times before but this time is defenitivly the worst, i cant feel joy doing anything anymore, a giant feeling of hopelessness and guilt, but im glad to hear its from the withdrawal and its gona pass

[@PrekshitBhargava-kl8xe]

how r u now?

[@enzooliveira5395]

@@PrekshitBhargava-kl8xe the post withdrawals lasted till like february or march (2023), after that I started feeling normal again, my tip is don't hyperfocus on your symptoms, when I quit googling about withdrawals all the time, quit checking for symptoms on body etc, they started decreasing, just get your life busier, overtime you'll feel better. my worry at the time was that they would last for years like some videos said. that only stressed me out and made the symptoms worse, it's probably gonna be over sooner than you think

[@JIMMYJREVIEWS_thaiM-A-F-I-A]

She is one of the smartest people I have ever met ... she graduated Alpha Omega Alpha from the medical school at the University of Texas Southwestern in Dallas.

[@jenniferswanphd]

Yes, I know her- lovely person and had such a rough, rough withdrawal. I’m so glad she’s starting to feel better. Thanks Jimmy!

[@bluepenguin369]

Thank you. I've never made the connection. The depersonalization and feeling spiritually drained

[@kevinagee4528]

Thank you Jennifer!

[@jenniferswanphd]

you're welcome Kevin!

[@JIMMYJREVIEWS_thaiM-A-F-I-A]

Would you like to know a friend of mine that also is a doctor a Cardiologist actually.... went through one of the WORST withdrawals I’ve see in a long time ... if your interested let me know.

[@jenniferswanphd]

sure jimmy -- is she a female cardiologist in Texas?

[@Thomas-j2g6x]

@@jenniferswanphdshe killed herself

[@wetonwet3655]

This is exactly what my withdrawl has been. Im on my last few cuts of ativan. Doc isnt the most informed so he has been cutting half tablets a time. Id like to hear your taper story.

[@wetonwet3655]

I was tapering slow but i got hit with depression bad in sept and it came out of nowhere. But i found out i have sleep apnea and my testosterone is super low. However i cant get it treated for a few months.

[@jenniferswanphd]

I wish you the best --- and I'm glad you are almost done but so sorry it has been so tough. My taper story is strewn throughout these videos -- but definitely in my video on my experience with Xanax. Take good care!

[@dustygatrell-ru7tg]

It gets better in the evening for some people because the level of gaba increases later in the day. I got pulled off of 9 years of klonopin use an abuse in jail. Almost 7 months later an im not doing anybetter whatsover. It really just sucks suffering all time.

[@reginastone7223]

God work 🙏🏽

[@Thomas-j2g6x]

I have all the symptoms of withdrawal everything fucking hurts

[@Thomas-j2g6x]

Why would you say it wouldn’t it benefit

[@TerryLT53]

I was on antidepressants and benzodiazepines for 17 years and something happened and both antidepressant and benzo was no longer effective and I'm wondering if this could be because of benzo pooping out or tolerance and not working anymore. I even tried so many medications to help with the depression and none of them worked anymore. Figured that the benzo could be the cause of not responding to antidepressants anymore? What are your thoughts?

[@jenniferswanphd]

hi Terry, its so hard to know but I think you will find If you look on groups like benzo buddies and such that many people have experienced the same thing. many people discuss their depression worsening as they move into tolerance of their benzo or just being on it or coming off. I do hope you can find your answer and make a good informed decision ---- -sending you lots of hope and good wishes

[@TerryLT53]

@@jenniferswanphd I watch all your videos. I sent u a message on Instagram. Can u recommend more videos like yours that I can watch from others that were similarly dealing with benzo withdrawal? I'm trying to videos of stuff to keep my mind busy and help me through my really rough times.

[@jenniferswanphd]

@@TerryLT53 hi Terry -- I think the stuff that David powers has out is really good as is the stuff by Jennifer Leigh - I hope this helps -- how are you doing?

[@TerryLT53]

@@jenniferswanphd really struggling. Please check your Instagram. Would love to chat more.

[@lindakujava7746]

I can hardly hear you speak up