Best HFY Reddit Stories: Claiming Humans

Careful with the wording...
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[@nk_3332]

Xeno A: The Human Marine corps is the deadliest defensive force in the galaxy, they can fortify and hold any ground, even hyperspace. Xeno B: That's defensive, what's their offensive arm? Defeated Xeno chorus: Their lawyers.

[@jordanbryan2612]

sounds like the first contact series, the lawyers might be the scariest after daxon

[@trenttrent2786]

Seems reasonable

[@NathanBChampine]

A human saying "Be careful what you wish for you just might get it. Just not the way you wanted it".

[@ronald1416]

*just But the idea of your wish being twisted by a horny genie is entertaining.

[@silverbutterfly1739]

​@@ronald1416😂

[@Burneth_]

​@@ronald1416reminds me of: 433655, 331464 which are both genie related😂

[@jmoneyjoshkinion4576]

​@@Burneth_that I know where those numbers go, and that I am now curious... oh why not?

[@roaming_idiot1795]

Humans are now "space genies" now? Apparently, these xeno's never bothered to learn even the basics of humans before deciding to "conquer" us.

[@DSilverio]

Xenos: *Demand from a race of stoners an crazy people* Mankind: *proceeds to wreck things in a strange interpritation*

[@AustralianGrizzly]

You want our planet to take them? We have better ones You want our stars? Take the we have better ones. You want that people you can't have them, they're not ours to give. This is why, here are out laws, you can have them.

[@Lantalia]

Nitpick, the first one was space (aka, the sector) not planets

[@AustralianGrizzly]

@@Lantalia same thing but yeah.

[@dadudeme]

​@@Lantaliayea you can have the sector. Give us some time to clean it out though.

[@cluelesspotato8945]

Ah yes, space Mariel Boatlift

[@imjang2430]

Solar engine is so nice

[@emeralddragon2980]

Empire: "Give us your territory and lives!" Humanity: "Eh, you can keep the dirt, we'll just leave." Federation: "Give us your life-sustaining gas balls!" Humanity: "Sure, and here's a complimentary middle finger to go along with them!" Slave traders: "Give us all your people so we can abuse you!" Humanity: "Good thing I have two middle fingers."

[@naushadpunjani1071]

Malicious Compliance on Galactic level 😅

[@biggsdarklighter0473]

So, we get Alien nations being beaten due to us being concentrated on the Letter of the law, not the spirit of it.

[@agoddamnferret]

lol so malicious compliance lives on. I love it.

[@imjang2430]

Yes malicious compliance is the death of your enemies

[@dalemorgan8263]

We didn't _need_ any spy agencies to do any of that, this is just the _find out_ part of _fk around and find out._ Just remember you need to take notes for it to count as science.

[@truekurayami]

No we got to se the fk around part, the find out part were glossed over as "stories for another time".

[@zyanidwarfare5634]

I mean… humans evolved from monkeys so if you make a vague wish your gunna get the monkeys paw…

[@rat_king-]

We have rules lawyers for a reason.

[@ianpgmusicfanfictionart]

The moment I read that it was a Empire I just thought of the Afghanis. And their mouths are watering and they’re chanting. I want to show these aliens why our country is called the graveyard of empires.

[@truekurayami]

Sadly that rep is more about your own empires than outside empires, happily though it is because of how many times tyrants had been deposed even without outside aid.

[@FutureMan420Blazer]

"When we said we wanted your suns, we didnt mean it *_like that_* Humans: *Epic Troll Face*

[@johnballard3403]

Author's note 4: Seriously. Look at what they've declassified and then try telling me they're that competent.

[@eleklovatka7666]

X'D That "trust me bro" at the ending was perfect.

[@williamfleming2918]

The authors notes at the end turned a clever story into a new favorite. "No, really, believe me."

[@johncunningham4820]

Didn't go in QUITE the direction I thought , however , comes down to the same thing . " Oh ! Really ? Did anyone discus this with the Humans first.......? "

[@WintersTheSixth]

THE CIA REIGNS ETERNAL

[@2XocraM]

Nah! if it was the CIA it would've backfired at least once.

[@albernard8751]

@@2XocraMthey merged the CIA with remnants of the KGB maybe even the STASI too that’s why it didn’t backfire. Those KGB bastards are seasoned veterans in their field and come up with crazy new and novel ways to kill someone quietly or make it look like an accident or both or neither. They’re sadists and insane for sure but they get the job done with ruthless efficiency and skill. Or the KGB taught the CIA a few tricks before the agents all passed on to whatever hell was waiting for them. Or heaven if they actually didn’t do much of anything wrong aside from espionage.

[@BreadGuy01]

I do love me some malicious compliance!

[@funster0691]

This is fucking hilarious

[@SteelTheTanuki]

Galactic scale malicious compliance.

[@victortahlor4038]

Thank you for the reading

[@jamesha175]

"Kaiser Julius The Great, first of his name" ..... LOL

[@andmos1001]

And last

[@VooshSpokesman]

Love from a Vaush and SkyDieRayFan!

[@Mihailo_Slavutsky]

Finally some not stupid over cruel story.

[@adorablecockroach5131]

Humans have mastered the art of "malicious compliance" lol.

[@shinraset]

We have the Kithoun empire claim friendship and equality with humanity.

[@ender_slayer3]

Introducing entirely foreign or long dead concepts into alien cultures and governments and watching them implode is always amusing.

[@eliandervalderen5849]

Thomas says: don't you believe it

[@comparatorclock]

Mars calling for war out of the outset LMAO That's so Ancient Rome! 😂😂😂

[@rolandosada8077]

Nice

[@scullcrusher3981]

Hi

[@noppornwongrassamee8941]

Demanding stars alone seems like a bad idea when it seems everyone has the ability to move them. If the militarily inferior humans can tow planets and stars around, it seems likely the alien empires can do the same.

[@Deadone420]

With a leader like president warrior what did the xenos expect

[@funster0691]

Hahahaahahhaahahhaahhahah

[@The-one-who-drives]

Monarchists 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

[@DasHeino2010]

Sounds like its time to teach some human history about slaves and monarchists! XD

[@The-one-who-drives]

​@@DasHeino2010???

[@DasHeino2010]

@@The-one-who-drives Never turned out well...

[@FeyTheBin]

That Indian accent caught me off guard.

[@charliedulol]

let me guess... this is also a different story?

[@texasforever7887]

Yes, most HFY stories are short stories that share a loose theme. There are a few that have multiple chapters, some over a hundred that you can find.

[@charliedulol]

@@texasforever7887 that is not what i meant

[@imjang2430]

​​@@charliedulolwell, your question is kinda very open to interpretation. The most obvious answer is the one you got. So, a little precision will go a long ways. [Unless the whole question was sarcastic]

[@charliedulol]

@@imjang2430 i do not think that counts as sarcastic no. Just questioning the story on if there is more to what it counts.

[@imjang2430]

@@charliedulol You mean other chapters?

[@SmolTerribleTornado]

third

[@angelojuliano3545]

First