Best HFY Reddit Stories: Human Bullsh*t (r/HFY)

Smart lessons to learn!
An original story written, and granted permission to narrate by u/Timpanzee_Writes
/ human_bullshit
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#hfy #Greentext #awesome #space #spaceorcs #/tg/ #greentexts #4chan

[@Cemtexify]

"It's impossible to predict what we will do next if we ourselves don't know what we're doing "

[@jackmack4181]

A smart man would do a pincer attack and overwhelm them A bold man would first bombard them then spear through them A mad man would take the what he has make the impossibilities of war possible and use them to his advantage If you asked me which of these i would be I would say “yes”

[@DisIzDaName]

@@jackmack4181 ** Realizes that whole conversation was a flashback ** Present moment: You're pummeling an enemy with a rotisserie chicken because that was the closest object available when they attacked.

[@jackmack4181]

@@DisIzDaName Two rotisserie chickens actually, in a parody form of a boxer

[@Sora-md1ye]

Just like Sam & Max and Deadpool.

[@camohawk6703]

The American policy of warfare.

[@starkilla102]

Imagine a human in this class just smiling not saying a word.

[@Heidao623]

Human 1: "What if we pick our fort, and move it somewhere else?" Human 2: "That's a dumb idea" [Alien Forces Amassed To Take Out Human Fort Arrives] Alien General: "Wait, where'd the fort go?" Human 1: "It worked, begin the artillery bombardment!"

[@Shark_Rock]

It’s funny because we did that irl wars before.

[@brettdibble2763]

@@Shark_Rock wait we did?!

[@Shark_Rock]

@@brettdibble2763 heh, lol yes we did that. Multiple times if I’m correct.

[@Shark_Rock]

@@brettdibble2763 I think we may have even done it during Roman times

[@lionescrawl9861]

@@brettdibble2763 we also build a wall around a seized city, to siege it

[@lazarmarinkovic8486]

When we as humans dont really know what exactlly we need to do, we relay on the oooooold addage that has gotten us throw the ages " RANDOM BULLSHIT GO!"

[@alexanderglass2057]

It’s like bouncing on loose knees in the saddle of war while it’s at a full gallop, or taking a punch from life if you roll with it, it lessens the blow.

[@mikedanielespeja6128]

@@alexanderglass2057 the more bullshit thing to do is to headbutt life's fist since your skull is harder than a fist.

[@Cyrission]

@@alexanderglass2057 No no no, it is like being on fire while submerged in water, while eating a grill cheese sandwich.

[@gabrote42]

And for the TRULY OUTSTANDING commanders, we use the even eolder one "The perfect plan approaches the Formlessness (or indecipherability) If it is formless then best-informed spy cannot uncover it, nor the wisest plan against it." -Sun Tzu

[@nickfulton8173]

Ah the old American tactic of not following to training manual, or even reading it other then for the explosives guides

[@rodgemic]

Wait... We actually had to read the explosive guides? Oops

[@nickfulton8173]

@@rodgemic no but they do help

[@firedirewolf]

A little cartoon in the explosive manual "once you pull the pin, Mr Grenade is no longer your friend" ... The amount of people who throw the pin and hold onto the grenade suggests they don't read the manual... Or the pictures in manual...

[@scotthinger6397]

They make manuals for explosives? When they start doing that?

[@chenlee9835]

“This IS BULLSHIT!!!” - a Human battle cry

[@kashkara_8943]

"cause when we find we're in a bind we just make some sh1t up"

[@lordtrollage2819]

the more you fuck around, the more you find out. But if you stay there and never fuck around, well, you'll never find out

[@gabrote42]

"The perfect plan approaches the Formlessness (or indecipherability) If it is formless then best-informed spy cannot uncover it, nor the wisest plan against it." -Sun Tzu :) 2:59 I much prefer this kind of shock teaching to the one that Alto Clef did for his reality warper course

[@Fyrwulf]

Which SCP did he use?

[@gabrote42]

@@Fyrwulf None at all! I recommend you read the tale, but if you wanna know? Perfectly mundane hallucinogenics and drugs that make one prone to suggestion. In free food in the seminar. Plus Clef's great acting.

[@Fyrwulf]

@@gabrote42 What's it called?

[@gabrote42]

@@Fyrwulf as google says on the first result, "Transcript of Dr. Clef's seminar, 'Reality Benders and You: How to Survive When Existence Doesn't.'"

[@stevedixon921]

Plan B...the Bullshit plan? I can get behind that. Wonder if we can fill in the other letters this way. Plan a: Awe hell. Plan b: Bullshit. Plan c: Crap show. ... Plan z: Zip it...never happened. Grunt: Plan A failed sir! Officer: Plan B it is then. Grunt: Plan B sir? Officer: Make it up as we go from here on out. Grunt: Aye sir.

[@whtwolf100]

I'd still attend the optional course

[@sanctusinfernusrecords]

I need this as a full course

[@CaptainShield]

Humans. We like to be surprised by what we do as everyone else!

[@goldengryphon]

Great story! I had heard the others but just lucked into this one. Wunderbar!

[@SergeyWaytov]

Finally went around to listen 101 and 201, this one is really unexpected and fun one

[@articblack8141]

where is 201?

[@SergeyWaytov]

@@articblack8141 i found it here on the channel as well, I think?

[@SergeyWaytov]

@@articblack8141 somewhere on this channel I think? I've got it a year ago according to the YT

[@Orange4004_]

My names Connor and that legit jump scared me.

[@goldengryphon]

Did you put your hand back down?

[@goldiegolderman1842]

FOR HOLY TERRA AND THE GOLDEN THRONE!

[@randorookie8587]

If I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing how could you possibly know what I’m doing

[@WiredTurkey316]

Galactic mermaid intensifiers

[@oldschooldiy3240]

Well hell, the whole syllabus in one class? What about the rest of the semester?

[@brianlips8346]

Thanks for the story 🙂🙂

[@harmsc12]

I remember reading this one.

[@trevorcontreraz8638]

Heh, Connor definitely put her hand down

[@peterwall8191]

Bull shit! Which is actually quite valuable as plant fertiliser these days. In war you follow doctrine , you follow your training , and you might make it back alive. Thinking is for officers, planing is for generals. You keep your head listen to your sergeant, and hope Our Father isn't looking your way today. Improvisation will get you killed. You don't know enough, you make assumptions without evidence and you simplify things by ignoring factors. You'll learn! It will cost lives , but you will eventually learn. Trust me there is no other way! Even second to a seasoned campaigner doesn't help. Not until the weight presses down on you, not until you have politicians screaming about media coverage and perception bullshit, not util you are under siege by special interests , will you really understand how unprepared you are for this. Been there, done that, dealt with the bullshit. in my case i had an unfair advantage, they were scared shittless of me. First idiot who came around telling me how to run the war, i stabbed in the belly, and hung upside down over the camp's gate. Second , i had impaled right next to the flag pole. Oh politicians screamed their fool heads off. Until i told them the truth. None of their titles wealth or whatever, meant anything in the front lines..You live or die, by your personal worth.By the smile of luck and how good you are at killing . That and following orders you do not understand, are the only things that matter. I made sure my troops didn't have to deal with bullshit. BTW I was up against gods, on both sides. What's your excuse for allowing a politician a few thousand miles away, telling you how to fight?

[@plinko-moss]

Poop makes good fertilizer.

[@kintsuki99]

You are right yet wrong, there is a reason Brazillian military always perform better than the US's military in war games, when shit hit the fan and the plan is no more you adapt or die. Off course your actions are based on doctrine but that doesn't means following it blindly.

[@whtwolf100]

Schizo or larp?

[@marxel4444]

IS THIS AMERICAN MARINES BOOT CAMP!? POG!?

[@allenmorgan1007]

For the Algorithm, For the Author(s), For the Disembodied Voice!

[@rivianexcel763]

This justs makes me think humans can rocket jumped now

[@russellperry9902]

Set it in the sun and let it dry

[@McKavian]

Well...they are not wrong.

[@seanrobert9661]

[documented contact]

[@MrPilton]

For the Algorithm For the voice For the Author

[@bethanysmith5856]

LOL 😆 🤣 this is true

[@jimmycoyote74]

For the algorithm

[@mikeharris6429]

The “teacher” was written so unlikable thati stopped at 2:49 with no intent to finish.

[@michaellively6467]

Not bad

[@zachsoanes6417]

Would love if you added about 2 seconds of delay at the start of your videos KZbin mobile seems to jump over the first 2ish seconds ;)

[@tonyneal910]

👏👏❤👍

[@boiyogold]

Hi

[@purple-pluto]

Gg 👍