Best HFY Reddit Stories: The Mistake (Humans Are Space Orcs)

Lurking phantoms in the shadows...
An original story written, and granted permission to narrate by u/PepperAntique
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#hfy #Greentext #awesome #space #spaceorcs #/tg/ #greentexts #4chan

[@chrisb9143]

Two alien representatives from different species are talking : Alien 1 : "So,we killed all these 'humans' and we destroyed their home planet" Alien 2 : "Are you sure you killed every single one of them ?" Alien 1 : "No need" Alien 2 : "Oh f*ck, Get the hell away from me !!" *starts running away from the other alien*

[@shinraset]

Depending on how vindictive the surviving humans are "guilty by association" might occur for that poor second alien.

[@Nyghtking]

@@shinraset That second alien immediately starts sending out messages to everyone they can stating they aren't involved with the first alien in their actions, hoping where ever the humans are they will pick it up and leave them alone.

[@tachyon8317]

@@Nyghtking Or maybe outright rat out the first, thinking "see? I'm a GOOD one that DIDN'T have3 ANYTHING to do with what happened. But THEY DID! Please don't kill me"

[@reesewhittington6778]

@@tachyon8317 aka mccarthyism. i think.

[@infinitetroll03]

@@reesewhittington6778 mccarthy was right but should have gone from commies in military to commies within media to commies within schoolboard. Never touch actors they will ruin each other just to stand atop the bones and pronounce themselves the greatest

[@gilmadreth680]

Aliens: [Fragment Earth] Humans: [Take a deep breath and think back on their shared history] Total war it is then. Neat.

[@Jamhael1]

*Humans see their world being destroyed by alien invader:* "THAT'S IT, BOYS! WE ARE NOW PLAYING 'GENEVA BINGO'! THE ONE WITH MOST ACCOMPLISHMENTS IN THE LIST WINS!" *Happy gas mask noises*

[@gilmadreth680]

@@Jamhael1 Geneva Bingo! It's the ultimate party game! Play it with your friends!

[@Type_blazenil]

​@@Jamhael1geneva is gome and so are the rules, let invent new warcrimes

[@Jamhael1]

@@Type_blazenil *Paranoid by Black Sabbath plays*

[@dreamypizza8458]

"dear humanity we regret being alien bastards we regret coming to earth and we most certainly regret that the corps BLEW UP OUR RAGGEDY ASS GOVERNMENT OORAH!"

[@MrSockez]

Alien Soldier: Hey guys, were gonna invade your world and then blow it up. ok? Humans: oh okay, so.... genocide? Alien Soldier: Yup, sorry bud. Humans: Why are you the one apologizing? *Loading shotgun with malicious intent*

[@Stoicswimfish]

"War crimes? Yep, war crimes. Ok, heyyyyy gramps, where did we put that family heirloom?..... No, not the Super Bee,...... no not gran's doll collection, the 1887. Yeah the one with the short sword for a bayonet...... Why? No reason, just going hunting with the boys."

[@barstool9156]

Oh, so now we are turning the Geneva Convention into a Geneva Checklist? Guys, boot up the ol Gas Factories.

[@phantomwraith1984]

Humanity: "War crimes? We call it sport."

[@TheLoobis]

lol

[@1rotzy]

Plot twist- the speaker survived. The humans gave him a ship, and told him to do one thing. “Spread your message.”

[@Nyghtking]

"Let your people know, we will give your species the same courtesy you gave ours."

[@bait1021]

As I saw someone else comment on another story: "The first mistake was giving us a common enemy, the second was making this a fight for survival."

[@gildedbear5355]

You must always ask yourself, "how did an awkward biped with long gestation times, no natural defenses, no natural weapons, a tendency for infighting, and a physiology adapted to a quadrupedal stance manage to become the dominant life form on their planet?" Consider that one of their terms for victory is "getting a head".

[@Zael_Moonblade]

Scarier part is that our gestational period is actually too short for a mammal of our size and complexity hence why babies are so helpless.

[@RevenantMain1]

@@Zael_Moonblade kinda wanna just start laying eggs

[@Zael_Moonblade]

@@RevenantMain1 Sadly that is extremely rare for mammals...

[@julesmasseffectmusic]

Zael not rare marsupials are all over the place mate. Don't live in a shithole.

[@Zael_Moonblade]

@@julesmasseffectmusic Uh what?

[@jacobfoss7783]

If you make a human angry enough, even if that particular human doesn't fear God, they WILL make you fear God. Because divine intervention is your only hope at that point.

[@cant_kill_me]

better pray to every deity ever conceptualized because not even a miracle will be enough.

[@reesewhittington6778]

nah, man, we'll just summon Nanashi from SMT IVA and have him slay God again.

[@davidspinks7541]

Literally Destiny 1&2. You're know to some as 'God-killer'

[@markmulder9845]

Yeah... leaving survivors of an advanced sapient endurance hunting, ambush predator species with a real knack for spite isn't a great idea

[@Zael_Moonblade]

You forgot pressured problem-solving, and natural inclination towards ranged combat but forced itself to learn melee combat...

[@tomnorton8499]

“Leave one wolf alive and the sheep will never be safe again.”

[@wardraven8755]

Also good at adapting.

[@ekhidna4]

"So these aliens attacked our colonists in the unoccupied zone of their Galaxy? Alright, send out the Ghost Guerrilla platoons. Let's see how they like the consequences of attacking someone without a solid motive."

[@worldofwarcraftman2]

Worse they tried to exterminate us conquest is one thing you can forgive a people for that. Its the Genocide that is unforgivable.

[@satyavarma2449]

Wait, you are telling people got made for getting attacked for no other reason than genocide? Knock me down with a feather.

[@nk_3332]

Human grunt: Gunny, if they blow up Geneva, does the Geneva Convention still apply. Gunnery Sergeant: Nope. Human grunt: Kewl.

[@cloudread1k]

humans: you eather play by our rules or we don't play with ANY rules.

[@jacobfoss7783]

Let our history testify to the truth of our horrific wrath.

[@Nyghtking]

We have rules for a reason, and you can expect us to dish out what you deal, if you want to hit citizens and commit genocide, well, we'll just have to do the same thing back to you, except we get real creative with how we do stuff.

[@Zedyne]

Ah yes, when you just obliterate a species just because 'they were there' and don't realize the manner of the rules of warfare they abide to. Too bad there was no human point of view in this one.

[@benzu1993]

yeah, its not clear if they really destroy earth or another planet

[@AustralianGrizzly]

@@benzu1993 Considering that the System Sol is, what I would call, a Rim System in the Galaxy we call home. I don't think that the systems the Xenos in this story destroyed was anywhere near Sol itself. They were a Coreward Expanding Race and well. We ain't near enough to be considered coreward...

[@shinraset]

@@AustralianGrizzly unless these particular xenos homeworld is further out from the core in our same arm of the galactic disc. I am however personally inclined to believe your theory.

[@AustralianGrizzly]

@@shinraset No offence intended with this, but it is spelt Xeno with an X. Its a Greek-Latin word meaning 'of Foreign Origin'.

[@shinraset]

@@AustralianGrizzly thank you I didn't notice the misspelling until you pointed it out.

[@AreteX]

"One has to remark that men ought to either be well treated or crushed, because they can avenge themselves of lighter injuries, of more serious ones they cannot; therefore the injury that is to be done to a man ought to be of such a kind that one does not stand in fear of revenge." - Niccolò Machiavelli, "The Prince"

[@greenrena8503]

Your first error: You tryed to kill the humans. Your last error: You did pull through with it!

[@NathanBChampine]

Mess around and find out how the name Terran truly came to be.

[@thecursed01]

we fight among ourselves for training until an outside enemy appears

[@stephenaustin142]

If you leave even one wolf alive then the flock will NEVER be safe .

[@seanpeacock4290]

The stealth build strikes again.

[@benzu1993]

when you don't have any detector structure or unit and the enemy terran just phantom all the way to your destruction

[@mundusvis1224]

Lots of people actually tried launching a message but this one is one of the few humans allowed through, good PR

[@thelaughinghyenas8465]

Thank you very much. I enjoyed the read - excellent as ever. Apparently, the narrator hadn't read The Art of War.

[@manwiththeplan300]

Humanity may not win the battle but they definitely will win the war with vengeance and rage and wrath on uncountable levels like gods of war.

[@calvingreene90]

Vengeance is mine. --- God I am a really good thief. --- Man

[@willparry530]

lol

[@wolfoffenris9951]

More like God: vengeance is mine Humans: *kicks him in the balls* no not anymore sucker, now sit down and get out of our way, because we have to wipe out someone

[@bornkinggamer3347]

I like when these stories talk about actual human traits, this story just has me wondering why humans suddenly developed stealth super powers.

[@angelrivera2339]

They probably developed them to fight other humans. The impression I got is that the humans knew that they were screwed long before these aliens reached Earth. So they evacuated a large enough population to some secret place and packed those ships with every scrap of secret projects that could fit in them. set up as many false trails to keep the bastards busy until they get tired. then come back from a secured place to get intelligence then plan how to retaliate...

[@sirbreadstick5664]

Humans are really good at reverse engineering technology and pushing our bodies far past its limits. These two things mean that if we found a destroyed device we could reverse engineer at least part of the technology behind it then adapt that do different technologies extremely quickly. And if you have the entirety of what remains of humanity focusing on developing extremely advanced stealth technology 15 years would be more than enough time. Beyond that humans have shown that they are already really good at stealth just look at assassins. It’s not much of a stretch to believe that even with modern technology if we dedicated 15 years to developing “invisibility” we could probably do it

[@mage3690]

@@sirbreadstick5664 hell, I remember reading a Popular Science article that claimed high and low we'd done exactly that, 15 years ago. Not as a mature technology (at the time) but as a DARPA project that produced an invisibility cloak that was heavy, had a fixed shape, and slightly blurred the light that went "through" it. I say "through" it in quotes, because the thing was actually a mess of fiber optics (or something similar enough to explain it that way) that directed the light around it.

[@olinseats4003]

@@mage3690 There are a couple of ways that we've developed "invisibility" What you're talking about sounds like a variation on the one using lenticular lenses.

[@Nyghtking]

Sadly had they approached humanity they probably would have achieved their goal and we would have helped them do it.

[@Neobahamutfr36]

Sadly, they were the "I think they're weak and thus, don't deserve to exist, so I'll just annihilate them" kind of aliens.

[@JosephKano]

Profit!

[@beingsneaky]

Those begin the Humans never trusting ANY Xenos ever..

[@ProjectNetoku]

I'm sure no one will knotice leaving in thst mic rumbling *DRAGGING A CORPSE ON THE CONCRETE FLOOR* nope not an issue

[@DEMONOFLOVEANDDEATH]

Bless the Narrator Bless the Author

[@____________838]

So the humans that were left all became John Wick?

[@waynecampeau4566]

"So! You have chosen death? So be it."

[@firespawn01]

Some say that there is a single satellite drifting in orbit of what remains of the planet known as 'Earth', with a single message broadcasting on all available frequencies...."Cowabunga it is"...endlessly

[@Germlin]

This story is the definition of fuck around and find out

[@chrisdufresne9359]

Humans reverted to Guerilla mode. May god have mercy upon the poor xenos that sent us into Guerrilla mode.

[@boingboingresearcherph.d.2871]

Dragging a xeno corpse on a wooden floor before the start of the narration... I heard that...

[@willparry530]

Oh hey, good catch, I didn't even notice that!

[@Malroth00Returns]

Dem Hummiez was so morky n sneaky dey musta been painted purple.

[@lostShadowLord]

Nah them painted Red, coz red is faster. Theyz moved so fast no one see themz. Anyways I don't see the issuez theyz tried stumped the Hummiez and the Hummiez stomped themz back.

[@hamsta11]

“It is strange.. despite our study of their genetics revealing diverse ancestry.. it appears that over a millennia of evolution their dna and genes independently converged towards a single combination type oddly named John Wick.”

[@guardianangel7589]

Aliens:We blew up their world. There's no way they survived Humans: We call this a difficulty tweak. *Cloaker noises intensify*.

[@silentking3120]

Assassin creed

[@rupertmiller9690]

Like angry, armed roaches. You gotta step hard if you want it dead, those aliens failed in their stomp.

[@fenrir2488]

This guy is awsome

[@TD-ug4mg]

I appreciate the work that both you and agro do, but I have to admit I do enjoy the stories you select to narrate more enjoyable. My personal favorites tend to relate to cooking or military tech.

[@DylonBridson]

Blood for blood, Vengeance for Holy Terra!

[@alfredsutton7233]

Hairless great apes? Maybe. But if you treat us as such, don’t be surprised at our response

[@kennethhummel4409]

Never anger the monkeys!!!

[@Kualinar]

Those planets where not poisoned. They where just starting to get teraformed. Transformed into new home words for the Humans.

[@AmataTai]

Space ninjas 🖤🖤

[@scotteggert9820]

Here is an actual question. Was that actually Earth they destroyed? Or was it just a new sector Capital World they thought was our home world?

[@calvingreene90]

Fear humans more than God. God might be merciful.

[@WendiGonerLH]

If you’re gonna kill humanity, you had best be thorough. If theres even just a single breding pair left alive we’ll spawn an empire of inbred monstrosities with the sole purpose of making the enemies lives as short and terrible as possible.

[@Sora-md1ye]

Why does Hoist the Colors pop into my head?

[@queenbee8045]

A good man has no need for rules… you are going to find out why humanity has so many.

[@daveretash9153]

Fear is very dangerous.

[@whatislife7363]

This is basically winter came for house Frey but Sci-Fi

[@sanguiniusonvacation1803]

Small powererful ships ? Core of the galaxy ? Is this based on Spore ?

[@silvadelshaladin]

Revenge is a dish best server any way that is effective.

[@saulgallagher5668]

@4:55 Idk how these guys wiped out humanity if they don't even know what bullets/projectile ballistic weaponry are but okay??

[@kashkara_8943]

Stupid stupid leadership

[@willparry530]

Hey I have seen this one before...have you covered this one before and just forgot? Or maybe it was one that another narrator covered and I'm just going crazy, lol.

[@fenrir2488]

Never been the first to comment before

[@DonPatrono]

so they basically created Gaunt's Ghosts

[@SergeyWaytov]

Is very cool with a note of creepy)

[@bathroomprophet2310]

For the algorithm

[@Monster_Ink]

For the algorithm!

[@nargalda773]

xenos fcking around, xenos find out

[@whatsagoodusername823]

Youn pou algorithm la

[@koroplays3200]

the story isn't bad, I'm just sick of the whole humans are pathetic and get attacked then are actually super strong cliché that plagues the hfy sub reddit

[@Belgas173]

Yeah give the entire human race nothing to lose and just see the monsters come out to play for we would have no reason to keep the beast in chains any longer.

[@Bdady74]

Algorithm appeasement comment!

[@Sahkman]

Gonna be honest, I got tired of these stories wanking humanity a while ago.

[@katherinkeegan8601]

So you lifted a story out of history and placed it in the future? This story is not original nor overly imaginative.

[@larsb4572]

Auto downvote for not caring about phoneusers and making an unreadable cluster f of text. Sue me.

[@hotukokyonko2805]

Then go to the linked Reddit page and keep this open in the background for audio.

[@garudalead]

Im on mobile and can read it just fine... maybe you need glasses? Or get a better phone.

[@micky1578]

I've watched https 100s of Net Narators vid on phone and never had a problem. your just complaining for the sake of it.

[@WiredTurkey316]

For the algorithm