Best HFY Reddit Stories: The Necessity Of A Human Ambassador

A vital role...
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#hfy #Greentext #awesome #space #spaceorcs #/tg/ #greentexts #4chan

[@carlchapman4053]

Ambassador "You killed 23 of them with your bare hands!" Human "That's all I could manage, I'm not a fighter!"

[@keata69]

Ambassador "what do you mean by that???"

[@taitano12]

​@@keata69 Human: 🤔 "You've never been to a Human military base? You should watch some of our sports. I figured you would have looked into some of that by now. Although , I admit I haven't done much more research into your culture either. I've only had time to go into depth on, like, a dozen GC cultures so far. So..." 🤷

[@yormhammerson530]

Human "only 23? Rookie numbers I tell you what"

[@taitano12]

@@yormhammerson530 Well, he was just an Ambassador. From what we read here, a proper human soldier would have made a decent mess and delayed take off by getting carried away and hunting the malformed Ewoks till they ran out of ammo. Then come back with a grin and covered in blood, offal and debris.

[@LazySnakeFriend]

Humans think that Huklio are terrifying, Huklio think that humans are ugly, the rest of the galaxy think we look the same, and I think it's fucking hilarious

[@zephyrstrife4668]

"You don't mess with us, we won't mess with you... okay? Cool..." ~some Human diplomat to a Huklio diplomat.

[@VooXoo]

@@zephyrstrife4668 Humans get Huklios as horror movies actors and Huklios get Humans as the ugly friend at a party, win-win (just have to get people addicted to fear).

[@NewGuy-w9m]

@@zephyrstrife4668more like “you fuck off and we fuck off, yeah? Ok good now fuck off.”

[@davidfay947]

Me to, great story. Still laughing 👌

[@thecursed01]

also greatly written that they isntantly like each other once they admitted what they think of each other's looks...and didn't have to look at each other. i loved that part

[@demonkingsparda]

Humans when you hurt us: "ah go fuck yourself" Humans when you hurt our friends: BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD, SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE

[@valashar5313]

MILK FOR THE KHORNE FLAKES

[@RealBelisariusCawl]

… your heresy will be overlooked given the circumstances.

[@xenomas]

Did somebody say heresy?! BROTHER TO ARMS! ​@@RealBelisariusCawl

[@mvpdjg4965]

Milk for the khorne flakes had me dead

[@bogustoast22none25]

Human: *has space dragons as an ally to fight near endless waves of foes* Also human: I’ma use my fists.

[@ceu160193]

Maybe ambassadors just aren't allowed to bring in weapons.

[@cnkclark]

RIP AND TEAR

[@bogustoast22none25]

@@ceu160193 It’s a joke, not an analysis.

[@clonechoopa31]

Hee hee flesh ball go bonk hee hee

[@Hans_Panzerschreck]

"These fist are rated E for everyone"

[@nicholasr.6962]

Part 1: "and we never questioned humans again" Part 2: "and then we questioned the humans" Part 3:"we retract that last statement"

[@yeetus5572]

HA!

[@Lechuga1815]

Human: "Ugh, I can't look at you, you're terrifying" Huklio: "Oh that's a relief, you're very ugly to us" Human: *crying* "You think i'm ugly". Our greatest weakness is insecurity.

[@Phantom_Zone]

Emotional damage.

[@DeezNuts-kl2te]

P A I N

[@PeachDragon_]

We have anxiety

[@Kartoffelkamm]

You may think that attacking a human is the worst mistake you can make. But that's not true. The worst mistake you can make is attacking a human's friend.

[@demonkingsparda]

You attack us, we'll simply defend ourselves. You attack someone we care about, and you'll die screaming

[@medievalcatguy6776]

​@@demonkingsparda As a human you are correct

[@mattbrown5511]

That is the second worst. Attacking a human's family (including pets) is the number one mistake.

[@number-14]

​@@mattbrown5511John wick: very

[@argentrussilver4318]

​@@medievalcatguy6776 you sound suspicious

[@Darkwintre]

"You just killed 23 of them with your bare hands..." "I wasn't trying and frankly by my people's standards I'm a rank beginner at this you should see the Marines in action!" he replied.

[@dadudeme]

I don't even have advanced combat training.

[@bogustoast22none25]

@@dadudemeTwo monster drinks and a pepperoni and cheese tornado if you go for 2 hours on this planet.

[@BoeseFlueche]

Humans will go back there... unfinished business.

[@number-14]

​@@BoeseFluecheand considering that an entire setting can take place in a singular war, and there's now a war with a species implied to be alien killers. This could actually make pretty good material for a sequel, although this is a Reddit post and there's probably not going to be one.

[@number-14]

​@@BoeseFluecheand considering that an entire setting can take place in a singular war, and there's now a war with a species implied to be alien killers. This could actually make pretty good material for a sequel, although this is a Reddit post and there's probably not going to be one.

[@biggsdarklighter0473]

Everyone fears the fury of a patient man.

[@Voron_Aggrav]

Demons Run when a good man goes to war, Good men don't need rules, It's not a good day to learn why I've got so many

[@Br0ck3nRealities]

​@@Voron_Aggrav I see you are a man of culture.

[@jeffwillsea6757]

​@@Br0ck3nRealities indeed he is. But do we dare open the pandorica for the others? Or leave it a mystery to be unraveled on their own?

[@Br0ck3nRealities]

@@jeffwillsea6757 Nice. Leave it as a mystery, it be more fun that way.

[@ariffetorlase9783]

Enexpected whovians.

[@jodagondrago8293]

Hello. Original Poster here. It means a ton to me to see this posted, as I was introduced to r/hfy by this channel! Keep up the great work!

[@ToggBott]

That was a good story..... please keep writing.

[@davalious5107]

Well thank you for the story. I enjoyed listening to it

[@stalinsoulz7872]

noice

[@Nicoviceful]

Amazing story, I honestly wouldn't mind reading more of julian's adventures.

[@012689]

Hoping for a sequel

[@guardianangel7589]

I just realized that him killing a large amount of enemies was considered flirting to the dragon chick. Holy shit. She's even in to it which is even funnier but also adorable. Human has made a permanent friend. Though her calling him a bard so often makes me wonder if she's also flirting.

[@kael6596]

It's also funny with that voice lol

[@shadowdrake9391]

Death by snu snu. Death by snu snu

[@guardianangel7589]

@@shadowdrake9391 Killed because a dragon took his act of selflessness for flirting. My good sir, you are in very sense of the word.....fucked.

[@cnkclark]

​@@shadowdrake9391DEATH BY SNU SNU

[@stalinsoulz7872]

​@@cnkclarkJulien's Pelvis Injury: "WORTH IT!!!*

[@Cortanis001]

You know what would really be making me question on a galactic stage? The repeated introduction of species from human mythology like dragons and whites would seriously pose the question of if humans had already had significant first contacts predating FTL?

[@puppetmasterey]

Ah yes, the 40k school of thought.

[@beingsneaky]

my thoughts exactly.. now where are the rest of our mytical/fantasy/scifi creatures. where are the greys?? lol especially the greys they need a serious talking to, with all that probing and such.. lol

[@GeorgeOrwell-yz6zx]

​@@beingsneaky I don't know if there would be much anger against the grays. The way things are today it would probably just rank as another orientation complete with human adherents 😮

[@gregwunderlich4253]

​@@beingsneaky the grays are in a pretty damned epic story called "Deathworlders". Zren narrates it. He's good at it too. There's about 4 or 5 narrators I'm following. Everyday. I just wish that I could throw a few bucks at them all. Agro included. When his throat was going all sketchy on him, I was really worried about him and how things were going to turn out. So glad he got better. 😊 He looks like one of those people that you just instantly become friends with upon meeting.

[@Alamandorious]

@@beingsneaky I think the Grey's fled after they realized the existence of Quagmire,

[@2345tomson]

I kinda want to hear what humanity does when they hear their freinds were almost killed by evil ewoks. I imagine it would include a more human style of negociation. "Hello little bears this is a human battle fleet would you like to talk properly now. Please say no."

[@nightmarereaper5601]

Yes do please say no, we haven't had a true weapon test in quite some time, so please, do say no.

[@fallen_angelmemesforlife9172]

Say hello to something we call " *EXTERMINATUS* "

[@puppetmasterey]

​@@fallen_angelmemesforlife9172 are the Grey Knights overkill for this planet? 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

[@fallen_angelmemesforlife9172]

@@puppetmasterey there is no such thing as "Overkill" mr joe, only more dakka

[@puppetmasterey]

​​@@fallen_angelmemesforlife9172 right, right. We need a joint team of Black Templars lead by the Custodies with Cmdr. Shepard and the galactic fleet guarding the Death Star in reserve. Your can't be too careful. I don't trust ewoks. When in doubt, Extermintus.

[@KaryxofBeornve]

"And that, children, is how the first Draconids were born."

[@xenomas]

A bard giving his report to the king King: I said to slay the dragon. Slay as in kill it! Bard: oooohh! Whoops! My bad, but can I invite you to the wedding?

[@ShinTsurugi7]

"I've laid the dragons" 'you mean, slayed the dragons' _visible confusion_ 'laid, the dragons?' _panic sets in_ "slayed, the dragons?" 'laid the dragons'

[@SvensktTroll]

​@@ShinTsurugi7The dragons slayed 💅

[@DimitriKurkov]

The second I heard the description of that last alien species and their homeworld I was like: "No. Get your boys and gals and get the hell off that planet. Then come back with a fleet."

[@puppetmasterey]

More like the Death Star crewed by the Custodian Guard. Edit: come back like Cmdr. Shepard with a fleet of death

[@jamesvivian2855]

Begin exterminatus

[@smaragdwolf1]

I think it would be enough to send a human Settlers. A planet fully covered with Trees is basically ready for human Settlement, Forestry and hunting tourism (i guess there are more than one Predator-Species on that Planet). Im not sure how smart these Teddies are. They called the GC, use electric Spear-Weapons with Poison-Vials connected to the tip. Thats a bit to modern for a Planet that is a big Forest, dont you think? Either they somehow learned how to use Weapons that they got from the other Species, that came before the GC. Or they are like the Predator-Species and they use this Planet for hunting Games only. A whole Planet as Trap. I tend towards the first option. that they are clever enough to learn how to use Weapons - like the Apes on our Planet.

[@robertschumacher2707]

'Fall back, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.'

[@xenoplayspl6239]

do what the covenant did and glass it from orbit

[@jakantogenie]

The fact that Zombies would find us equally ugly never crossed my mind

[@vidachsa]

I thought of them like skinwalkers

[@jakantogenie]

@@vidachsa Yeah that’s bad too.

[@uwuowo214]

I figure it's a very dead looking thing and a very colorful moist thing looking at each other from the opposite sides of a fun house mirror

[@GamerKale]

Alien Ambassador: "They have terrible weapons!" Me: what like sonic cannons? Disintegration guns? Laser swords? Please tell me they have laser swords! Ewoks: Brandishing spears. Me: Spears? Spears?! The most common weapon used upon battlefields all across human history. Those are your terrible weapons? What did your people fight wars with if not pointy sticks? Do you at least know how to pick up and chuck a rock?

[@PanduPoluan]

Those spears are more like high voltage cattle prods. With poisonous tips. Either would be feadly to non-deathworlders.

[@rachelryan84]

Fun fact humans are specialized for throwing. I believe I learned this from tierzoo a channel that compares the battle prowess of different deathworld species.

[@MeepChangeling]

To be fair, spears have a higher kill count than firearms and bows combined... For like, another 2-3 major wars or so. Spears are quite deadly. When whielded by something that matters more than a Punting Bear.

[@abelboronkai448]

@@MeepChangeling Yup spears arent common cuz its a video game and they are the common dropped loot. They are common cuz they work insanely well with the least amount of training

[@nathanberrigan9839]

@@rachelryan84 Yeah, modern humans are the absolute best throwers on Earth. Even other human species (e.g. Neanderthal and Erectus) weren't good at it. So many HFY focus on running or high gravity and miss out on the thing really makes us deadly. It seems so natural to us that people don't realize how unique and OP it is.

[@harmsc12]

I'm sure the next "diplomatic" mission to that last planet will be crewed exclusively by humans and dragons.

[@zharpain]

and less "diplomatic" and more subjugation and re-education.

[@bragnir]

@@zharpain Likely just cleaning out the trash, considering how many sentient species these Ewoks have been confirmed trapping with their shenanigans

[@Plexiux]

Maybe this galactic council will realize that even diplomatic missions need bodyguards.

[@SH-qs7ee]

@@zharpain Not sure it's actually re-education if there's only one lesson "This is what us humans call a nuke..."

[@WE_DONT_LIE]

​@@SH-qs7ee more like this is moab mk4 courtesy of darpa and some drunk university students

[@hraharahra]

I can't help, but wonder what would be like to have 2 large millitary ships full of elite human and dragon fighters, armed to the teeth!

[@puppetmasterey]

That's just Eragon once they reach FTL.

[@stalinsoulz7872]

​@@puppetmasterey basically a Gunpoint Integration. its like the new added ones are constantly held hostages, imagine Earth Defense Forces Was Plastered as Exploratory Convoy Squads. imagine the massacre once someone taught they might do another Fucking around

[@smaragdwolf1]

i guess that is "Plan B" if a Predatory, Space-travelling Species thinks the GC is Prey.

[@lightninsadventures2692]

That would give the rest of the galaxy nightmares

[@stalinsoulz7872]

​@@lightninsadventures2692GC: WHY ARE ROLLING AROUND IN A BATTLE FLEET OF HUMAN ARMY!? Julien: Relax your honor, This are Escort Ships. the Escort Ships: 4 Heavy Cruisers 1 Bismarck Star BattleShip 3 Jupiter Destroyers 5 Armed merchant ships.

[@bbjoe42279]

When he described punting the little monster I heard the NFL announcer in my head yell “it’s good!!!”

[@jeffwillsea6757]

FOUR!!!!

[@atom3012]

GOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL

[@yormhammerson530]

Ehh I heard something more like NOW IS COWARD KILLING TIME!

[@weasel003gaming7]

"This'll be a wallop! FIGHT!"

[@puppetmasterey]

I kinda think the Huklio-Human relations need more stories to flesh it out, bare minimum. But this whole story needs to be a series.

[@Kartoffelkamm]

Agreed. But sides just bonding over how much they can't stand the other is one of my favorite tropes.

[@PanduPoluan]

@@Kartoffelkamm Aahaha yeah that's quite hilarious actually. I love it how witty the Huklio was. Even if they can't bear looking at each other, I'd like to think they often traded friendly hilarious insults over text 😂

[@lumberluc]

This is dealing with a Ghostman and a Human. It won't end well.

[@aronnemcsik]

That dragon lady got a very thorough lesson on human biology later that night...

[@PanduPoluan]

They seem to be quite compatible indeed.

[@AugustoEL]

Bard enthusiast celebrated all across the galaxy

[@aronnemcsik]

@@AugustoEL So are donkeys...

[@aquafreesh9219]

Dragons(layer)’s are one of the most time honored hero’s who am I to mess with tradition

[@aronnemcsik]

@aquafreesh9219 Human's needs to strengthen the interspieces relationships.

[@ToggBott]

And now you know why old maps said "Here Be Dragons".... it was to spur exploration

[@Sora-md1ye]

To those little monsters, Julian might as well have been their Brock Samson, their Kratos, their Doom Slayer.

[@adamloga3788]

Actually, comparing to our stories, he'd more likely be compared to some sort of Eldritch monstrosity. Terrifyingly fast, strong enough to kill a Vudu with a single strike, and their strongest weapons did nothing [that they could see.]

[@assaulthetz]

Any Vudu will remember the wrath of humans as if they're spawns of their very own demons or much worse. Ever since they did not even noticed he was nothing but an ambassador, who is probably not much stronger than a grunt Terran soldier. He was trained to look meek, friendly and approachable. Imagine that to humans who are TRAINED to combat war and kill.

[@TheMonk72]

Ah, humanity demonstrating that as scary as we look when we're happy and relaxed, we're absolutely terrifying when we rampage. When you shoot your best shot and the human just shrugs it off, you know you screwed up. 😂

[@blasternine8814]

Thus did humanity introduce the galaxy to fury.

[@AlicentaurBrony]

@@blasternine8814 Thus did humanity introduce fury to furry.

[@PanduPoluan]

​@@AlicentaurBronyFryla is a dragon, so probably scaly.

[@AlicentaurBrony]

That too. @@PanduPoluan

[@KayronTheFifth]

I'm getting Monty Python's 'Tis but a scratch!' vibes.

[@ianharrison5758]

The idea of humans being these absolute unit’s everyone knows from their casual behavior is a beast, but few had actually seen one of them let loose is hilarious. I can imagine the diplomats telling this story to a potentially aggressive new race. “We’d like to introduce one of our death worlders. He was able to single handedly take out 23 armed combatants alone while also protecting multiple injured ambassadors. His injuries included a various shallow stab wounds, but despite them being laced with a form of toxin, the main noticeable change in physical capacity came when his adrenaline level dropped, a chemical made endogenously in their biochemistry.” *aliens immediately hand over their weapon*

[@ninjaknight6715]

If aliens came to Earth peacefully and they look like Dragons, ya'll better be on your best behavior. I will not forgive anyone who makes them scared or hate us.

[@driverr988]

Rule 34 🤣🤣

[@guizintheinsect5022]

​@@driverr988naaaaaw bruh,what da heeeeil?

[@driverr988]

@@guizintheinsect5022 your comment on people making them scared or hate us. Rule 34 is already a thing. Just hope they can't figure out our internet 🤣🤣🤣

[@apollomars1678]

Headpats are allowed.

[@c.d.mcclendon1264]

Give them as much comfort as possible they're going to need it if they're going to stick around with us.

[@somethingclever7180]

I've just been laughing about how stiff the competition among human marines would be for a duty station that offered the opportunity to punt ewoks. There would be leaderboards for distance, hangtime, and number of casualties incurred from a single punt.

[@trinalgalaxy5943]

Something to always remember, even the most docile human will go full murder machine should anyone make the mistake of attacking their family or friends. Adrenaline is a Hell of a drug, and Rage even more so. we will willingly blow ourselves up by the exertion required to protect that which we have bonded to.

[@Will-mk5pj]

Proven in the story when Julian carried a 200 pound life support unit out of the trap

[@PanduPoluan]

There was another HFY story when the rest of the galaxy found out about our secret weapon: Adrenaline. So they tried synthesizing adrenaline to boost their military's prowess... all to no avail. Until they finally give up and just asked us the secret. And the secret of adrenaline: It's not a stimulant. Rather, it's an unlocker. Human biology purposefully limited _everything_ because our muscles alone are strong enough to snap our bones, our bodies can take a beating until it can no longer survive, and so on. There are so many limiters and safeguards. Adrenaline removes them all, letting humanity unleash their full fury.

[@eleklovatka7666]

@@PanduPoluan Do you still remember the name of the story?

[@TheKonkaman]

Soon as I heard the dragon was female I knew it would get weird

[@XxTaiMTxX]

We’re humans. We have weird instincts to “pack bond” with about everything… which means we also like to get freaky with other species. Hence why most abduction tales talk about breeding programs and anal probes.

[@masmabalahibo]

More like f*ck bond😂

[@chaosandbunnies8291]

@@XxTaiMTxX In reality it's because 2/3 of HFY writers are dragonfuckers. Also your phrasing has me very worried for your pets

[@Groza_Dallocort]

Lets not forget R34

[@beingsneaky]

Ikr??

[@mattbrown5511]

Need to mount a full human and dragon expedition to go back and recover those alien ships for study.

[@jackreisewitz6632]

My thoughts, exactly !! They've got to have nav charts. Might open the way to finding untold numbers of new 1st contact opportunities.

[@theengagedfew]

I think it should also include a punitive expedition and a logging operation.

[@Engie50Limerick]

@@theengagedfew and fur traders

[@ERBanmech]

I love the stories when it’s just humans in a “marshmallow” galaxy, they love their kind and albeit fragile friends but then get their moments.

[@kellmalleus5825]

I really want a continuation of this, but barring that, a thought: What in the HELL would a GC military ground force be like, taking Huklio, Dragons, and Humans all into account? Talk about BUM RUSH.

[@voodoovince8001]

Huklio spooks, human infantrymen and Dragon shocktroops.

[@kellmalleus5825]

@@voodoovince8001 We call that "THAT MAN, GET HIS ASS".

[@plat6164]

OH NO NOT THE DRAGON. Poor man's not gonna be able to walk for weeks

[@PanduPoluan]

"WORTH IT!"

[@theengagedfew]

Good thing she filed down her claws, huh? I could do without scratches on my back, that can be seen on the front.

[@AnikaJarlsdottr]

next human ambasador: "so, why did my predecessor have to retire?" Dragon: crushed pelvis

[@Dat-fox-in-a-box]

The fact that there is an innate fear of things that look like humans but aren’t written in our instinct’s mean’s that at some point there was a danger that looked like a human but wasn’t it’s honestly quite terrifying just by itself

[@lishark843]

The answer is probably other hominids, like Neanderthals

[@aquafreesh9219]

@@lishark843as a white guy who descended from Neanderthals I assure you Homo sapiens had no problem intermingling with them it had to have been a different hominid

[@lishark843]

As a guy that does too, half the reason the Uncanny valley happens is because it doesnt react like you, such as in robots, so probably it caused fights in groups that did not interact much between them but stopped happening when they did more, or even is related to an even older relative as you are saying @@aquafreesh9219

[@Otrsor]

​@@lishark843 the answer is, stalking humans, camouflaged or sitting right on the corner of our view, we are our most dangerous predator after all.

[@lishark843]

@@Otrsor but we dont activate it, just thinks that look hunan enought

[@PanduPoluan]

I really like how the ambassadors are all real friends with one another, despite the others still having some fear instincts of the "Deathworlders". But they really are friends, and quite often ready to sacrifice themselves for the other ambassadors 👍🏽 Julian and the Uncanny alien's interaction is totally hilarious though 😂

[@assaulthetz]

It's like a friendly banter of insults but still had some weight of respect on it. The Pale walkers and Humans will only walk hand in hand when both of each specie is threated by outside source, disregarding disgust one another Uniting as one Galactic force. Those Poor Vanu.

[@skoshman1]

I can imagine the Second Contact mission being spearheaded by ODST after an orbital bombardment to clear an LZ. Inviting ambassadors into a trap that is intended to be lethal? That's an act of war. And all those overgrown ships? That's potential inteligence resources. It doesn't take a genius to know what's next.

[@t.j.cornett7495]

They'll just love the smell of napalm...

[@singletona082]

*Doomslayer Noises Intensify*

[@Aabergm]

The soundtrack will either be Doomslayer or Klendathu Drop, there is no middle ground.

[@svenericsson7286]

In the hallowed words of Captain James T. Kirk: *"Thou who treks through the planets of the galaxy; Thou art blessed to get dat tail for your personal logg"*

[@zarlsalamandersspacemarine302]

"Oh these things have tried to hurt my fluffies and Squishies" (the only thing they fear is you rapidly getting louder in the background)

[@RovingTroll]

The Uncanny Valley and the Small Uglies

[@GeorgeOrwell-yz6zx]

It reminded me a bit of Galaxy Quest. Love that movie

[@theengagedfew]

Sounds like the name of a sci-fi themed punk band.

[@GeorgeOrwell-yz6zx]

Damn. I love this story. If it was a long story in book form I would purchase it

[@QuakeMidaro]

Same this author has made an amazing story hope that we hear more from this one

[@Strooling]

yea this has a making of something great. I bookmarked this story so I can come back to it later.

[@Modhunter42]

Alan Dean Foster's series: Humanx Commonwealth.

[@eliandervalderen5849]

I love that scene. This time instead of The Bard seducing the dragon the made illusion to seducing The Bard. Likely a third of the population would be confused as to whether or not it was a actual invitation.

[@thee_number_six6227]

I like that last little bit "DONT YOU FUCKING DARE!" translated for galactic common.

[@stevedixon921]

Cute Ambassadors: "We welcome you to our family with open arms" Bad Xeno's: "you seem kind of weak" Cute Ambassadors: "we might be, by some standards, but we also have deathworlders on our ship" Bad Xeno's: "deathworlders?" Cute Ambassadors: "just don't threaten anyone or anything they consider their friend or family, especially the humans, they have pack bond instincts and bond with everyone and everything, even us" Bad Xeno's: "ah...I see...shall we continue"

[@aronnemcsik]

Human *standing behind CA and folding an Iron rod while keeping eye contact* BX: swallows hard and chhose to be friends with everyone

[@johanmetreus1268]

@@aronnemcsik Cute Ambassadors: Oh, don't worry. That is the human deathworlder, fairly harmless by deathworlder standards. He'd only kill a few if attacked... maybe a dozen or two if he perceives a threat to us. I really must caution you though, whatever you do, do NOT harm him. That would send HIS friend on a rampage...

[@assaulthetz]

_(Human Ambassador with Predatory Binocular Eyes)_ *"Do not be afraid, We Make Peace as long as you Desire Peace."*

[@iaminaconstantstateofdread]

5:36 I immediately yelled out dragons when I heard this. I was just as excited as Juilan was, actually no scratch that, I was MORE excited then Juilan was.

[@Karvoc]

I lost it at the bard part, good solid minute of laughing.

[@NoobFish23]

Actually a classic bard! 9 levels of fighter, 9 levels of thief, and then the diplomat.

[@saxevagebarstad1310]

So Julian is going to get som dragossy😂

[@scrolllock39]

"It should have been me! Not him! ME!!"

[@blackrose9695]

So hes the classic bard from dnd

[@GeorgeOrwell-yz6zx]

​@@scrolllock39 lmao

[@TheMandalorianGhostYT]

​@@scrolllock39 I feel ya pal. I feel ya.

[@Mariusweeddeath]

If I had a nickel for every time a human manage to get some tail from an alien version of a dragon in HFY story, I'd have at least two nickels. Not that's jts weird itself but that it's only happen so few times.

[@SiegeTF]

'Wiles' AKA: Pelvic sorcerey, as Gamora called it.

[@GabsAaa-xt8th]

That is a gods forsaken wendigo. I would also be scared as all hell.

[@lumberluc]

Half-Sentient Ghouls? Yeah, any Adventurer or Explorer would be on edge around those beings.

[@S_047]

As a 40k fan I find these aliens calling earth a "death world" hilarious

[@PeachDragon_]

Kriegers were the logo for the humans in these kinda stories for a long time

[@Speed001]

As someone with a mild interest in xeno-planets, Earth doesn't have 200 mph molten glass storms or water so compressed it's ice and hot it's burning. Finding earth like planets is a struggle with our technology. But from my current knowledge, we live on a paradise planet.

[@IanHarrison-n9m]

Compared to completely inhospitable ​worlds, which is literally all of rhem we know of but earth ..yeah...ig, but that doesnt mean anything. From what we can actually verify earth is the most absurd death world in existence that we know of. Which again, doesnt mean anything. If we use the classification of planets as death worlds the same way HFY does and not just to mean "planets that you cant live on" then we actually have no way of knowing how we stack up. First we need to find multple life capable worlds to see what conditions actually let it form complex structures to begin with, then we need to find multiple worlds with life already there to get an idea of what base life forms best with, THEN we need multiple examples of worlds with complex carbon based life, just so we have a decent sample size before we can put earth on that scale. And honestly it would be more applicable to the type of life found than the planet itself. Like if we had first contact with aliens and they turned out to be carbon based but use ammonia as the solvent and not water then for us, their homeworld is a death trap and so is ours to them. It makes rhe comparison mean much less when it boils down to "death world bc your chemistry isnt built for this" To get any real idea of how brutal earth is we have to find planets with comparable make ups and the same carbon based water solvent life we have. If it turns out most life in that form has a planet that lends itself to less crazy weather or tectonic effects as well as less competition and more cooperation based evolution then yeah were a death world. But honestly i doubt any classification like this will actually be of any real world use. Its far more likely that life that resembles us chemically and eventually in form will come from a planet a human could live on just with a different ratio of nitrogen, oxygen, etc in the atmosphere. So the big question is "are these mfs silicon based and live in lava and use advanxed RNA analogs to duplicate cells thus making us FUCKED if we dont have an enviro suit or is this just earth after god shifted the settings on the tides bc this planet has 2 moons 1/3 the size of ours each"

[@charlesmclain6558]

I feel like there should be more stories in this particular universe. This one was pretty good

[@sangralknight3031]

Ambassador to several bored Frontier settlers later: "Here is the coordinate and a six pack. Be descreet and have fun"

[@Aabergm]

I mean my immediate reaction to the attack was to "Rain Fire," so I guess humans are a little savage. For clarity my mental image is a hundred plasma/laser turrets rapid firing to bombard the area around the landing zone till the word overkill seemed grossly insufficient. Impressive to find an instinctive response I didn't even know I had till now.

[@redraptorx1066]

xeno: *shoots best shot at the large thing* human: *proceeds to become a monster as bad as Doomguy is to demons*

[@shadowstalker130666]

And that's how i met your mother, and became a Dragon Layer.

[@oron61]

"Tell me, do your people breathe fire?" "Uhh... no?" "Awww...."

[@assaulthetz]

I do hope they can fly though, even in a low gravitational planet.

[@TheLordVyper]

Saw the baninging of this the other day on TikTok and thought the end was the Dragons joining the GC. Glad there was more to it.

[@normiesalvador1854]

This was a nice mix of first contacts.

[@DavidMcFlintSticks]

20:07 got me man. "I've heard tales of what you humans call bards". Omg to good.

[@spacegremlin9972]

And julians a fucking ambassador, if he was soldier trained there would have been no survivors, i want more of him please!

[@PanduPoluan]

I misread that "Julian's fucking an ambassador" and I had to do a double take...

[@spacegremlin9972]

​@@PanduPoluanI mean... considering the ending, he might be...

[@PanduPoluan]

@@spacegremlin9972 Exactly! Lol 😂

[@assaulthetz]

@@spacegremlin9972 He Rizzled up a dragon with his Adrenaline-stoked war path by turning himself into a fast acting monster and destroed 23 Vanu in that split of time before the little schmucks retreat as far as they can... we can just imagine his reward being the official first 'bard' of humanity to lay a dragon.

[@DaxSudo]

I like it when we get angry.

[@boombang0418]

Ok, I need to see a part 2 to this story to see what happens to Julian and Fryla.

[@theengagedfew]

Yeah, I wanna see a half human-half dragon baby, hatching from a leathery egg sac.

[@MeepChangeling]

@@theengagedfew Well, given this is sci-fi and it's being quite realistic with its aliens, I doubt humans and dragons could crossbreed... We'd fucking *try* though.

[@theengagedfew]

@@MeepChangeling If we couldn't cross breed, it wouldn't be for lack of effort, I'm sure. I mean, shit, I'd take one for the team.

[@assaulthetz]

@@MeepChangeling Yeah, knowing humans they'd try again or even if they couldn't make half-breeds they're gonna stick something in if there's a warm and wet comfortable hole on a living creature. Mad Insanity.

[@DEMONOFLOVEANDDEATH]

Bless the Narrator Bless the Author

[@bandiras2]

Dark evoks. Looks cute, need to be stomped out of existence before they getting out of their planet..

[@Zael_Moonblade]

Not dark literally the same as the ones in Star Wars... Keep in mind they were able to pierce Plasteel Armor with Rocks an pointy sticks...and they eat anyone that they kill/capture...

[@insanehippiehippieinsane3828]

You do realize that the Ewoks ate the Stormtroopers helmets that they were using as drums.

[@harmsc12]

I'm sure they can be "re-educated" to behave themselves.

[@alanb8884]

So, regular Ewoks.

[@outbreakperfected9374]

Nah, normal ewoks. Have you played the halloween event in Star Wars Battlefront 2? You play as either a stranded stormtrooper on Yavin 4 after the second Death Star's destruction or as one of the ewoks hunting them down in the dark. Straight up nightmare fuel.

[@daemon2426]

May the algorithm be ever in your favour, Narrator.

[@richard-6920]

Him punting a demonic ewok into a tree had me cackling.

[@tickticktickBOOOOM]

The Uncanny Valley phenomenon strongly indicates that our contacts with other hominids were not exactly peaceful. Given Neanderthals were mostly carnivorous, much stronger than modern humans, and there are strong indications they engaged in cannibalism at least some of the time (to be fair, the same is true of us), I can easily see that happening.

[@johannbezuidenhout2976]

There is an ancient hominid that has a scull that looks like an grey alien. Huge eyes and bulbous cranium with a small mouth and nose. The uncanny valley is probably some defence or warning instinct for when you ran into the other hominids. Almost human but not at all, kill or run.

[@aquafreesh9219]

Due to European ancestry having trace amounts of Neanderthal DNA it wasn’t them we were scared of. Their bone structure is too similar to ours clearly early Neanderthals liked homo sapien women and they possessed traits modern women like in men, strength, height, intellect and larger brain capacity. Nothing too uncanny it’s weird that we’re more scared of thin bulbous hominids than large strong ones.

[@shinybugg9156]

First human to romance a dragon. The prophecies are all fulfilled! Lol

[@Agt-Maine]

Back on Earth: "There he goes. Homeboy fucked a dragon once!"

[@MountainFisher]

I enjoyed the, "Earth is going to lose it when they see the dragons." I can totally agree, I wouldn't miss a chance to meet a dragon diplomat either.

[@eddoh2701]

The man who sleeps holding his machete is crazy but one day.

[@dfro0549]

Brother just rizzed up a dragon 👀

[@assaulthetz]

Alien Dragons seems always taken their eyes when humans start fueling themselves of adrenaline and fight like a monster.

[@mergixedef3723]

And in the near future the GC was introduced to another new species, The Draconians, it wasnt through first contact but through the maternity ward. First thing to know about humans we pack bond with everything, second all boys admire captain James T Kirk and his admirable courage to "Bravely go where no (hu)man has gone before"

[@PanduPoluan]

Also, as they fly back to the GC Capital, Fryla indeed gets to "see Julian's crazy side" many times. Necessitating a request for a new ship with "thick soundproofed wall".

[@carlfranz6805]

Well. That's freeking adorable.

[@vlad_ussr8390]

This is actually a good story from hfy. Most of the the ones i heard were just "Humans are so violent", now i only heard several stories but thats also what most of the video titles seem to talk about.

[@pinkapetdesigns]

Dragons? Awesome! I would totally want to befriend a dragon! The epitome of uncanny valley? Please don't make me look at it. We probably evolved that instinct for a reason and I don't want to learn why first hand thanks

[@lumberluc]

Deadmen. We all have an innate fear of Death and this "Ghostman" sparked it the Human Ambassador Julian.

[@TheFoxfiend]

Our fear of the uncanny valley scares me sometimes. The fact that is an innate fear in near all humans means it was a response developed long ago to something that was dangerous that looked like us, but weren't us. Thinking about it calls to mind legends of Skin Walkers, shapeshifters, Wendigo, and several fae. Not saying those legends are true, but stories usually have an element of truth, be it a lesson or a warning, and the warning is clear that something existed that preyed on humans that looked like us. And who is to say that some of those things don't still go bump in the night?

[@Kartoffelkamm]

If I recall correctly, there were something like 5 different hominids in the world at one point, so maybe that's why. Also, I've noticed that I'm immune to the Uncanny Valley effect. I also have face blindness, so maybe that's connected.

[@Arbyjar]

I remember hearing a more plausible explanation that had to do with “deathly sick people bad” encouraging us to keep distance and prevent spread

[@thekirbycrafter7229]

Its also not necessarily a true evolutionary adaptation. It may have just been a side effect of another, like true altruism, empathy for strangers, and religion.

[@hariman7727]

My original thought was untransformed doppelgangers.

[@hariman7727]

​@@Kartoffelkamm there's also the issue that humans with mental problems sometimes have expressions that fall into The uncanny Valley. So I think that instinct might also be a defense against members of humanity who are a danger to others.

[@SergeyWaytov]

I myself find it Very amusing that its alien girl being flirty one here, though I pretty much understand the guy, given her being antropomorphic enough, its really easy for human to be interested in dragon girls

[@cnkclark]

It's a sacred human tradition to be into dragon girls.

[@natanoj16]

Murdering 23 enemies might be how dragons flirt ;)

[@cnkclark]

@@natanoj16 Oh no 'might be' about it.

[@EnraEnerato]

I find it funny that the Humans&Dragons combo works fine and when the humans&Huklio don't look at each other they can have a rather pleasant conversation. Also BARDS! I had to stop so I could keep laughing. As for teh not Ewok, well there is a story out there that explains how imperial troopers felt on that forsaken forest world: "...The drums, they won't stop! They are in the trees, waiting, little viscous buggers!..."

[@super8ben]

“I said *slay* the dragon, not *lay* the dragon!

[@daviddragonheart6798]

Instructions unclear: I am now married to dragon-woman, have given life to 3 hybrids, with a 4th on the way.

[@mugenokami2201]

@@daviddragonheart6798surprise: it’s triplets

[@Paletonson]

"I slayed teddybears for the chance to lay the dragon. Does that count?"

[@GnarledStaff]

“You’ve gone mad!” “I’m not mad, I’m mad.”

[@benjamintherogue2421]

They need to go back to that planet and recover those ships. Imagine how many star charts and other important data are on those things. Also think about how much fun the Marines are going to have holding those positions.

[@Attaxalotl]

It's more fun when the weirded-outness is mutual. It makes sense that two similar-looking species would be in each other's uncanny valleys.

[@Nuclearbomb-lw4ri]

Wish there was a pt.2, love it so much and this is what got me into the hfy stuff, ive rewatched it so many times

[@thorinschmidt4764]

Please, Please NEVER stop actually reading these stories! You are amazing, I love the voice-acting. So refreshing and enjoyable!

[@robertcartledge826]

Most of these aliens are so frail, squishy, and pacifist! I wonder what they would think about human military capabilities, or the wars that we have fought amongst ourselves xD

[@GabsAaa-xt8th]

Bruh- that description sounds terrifying-

[@donaldscholand4617]

A female dragonish alien flirting with a human male? Yeah, I could see that happening. Heck, there's probably an anime series already in existence based on that concept. (Delete my search history!)😅

[@assaulthetz]

There are some Doujins that actually making humans fornicate on gigantic dragons, though these are rare gems. Usually Dragons had to transform as a humanoid figure, similar to humans to complete the process, though at least they still retain their dragonic features, such as fangs, sharp eyes, claws, some scales, very long tongue. The rest are mammalian-like for the human to enjoy.

[@kennethhummel4409]

Here there be Dragons! How cool is that?

[@loganshaw4527]

Think they are a technology dragons instead of magic dragons?

[@gampie13]

why do you have to remind me off that scp, damn rain's comming on

[@AlicentaurBrony]

@@loganshaw4527 Psychic dragons? No, wait, those are in the Rukbat system.

[@marxel4444]

Hoyl shit i love this story Humans with dragons: HEEEEEEEEEEEELL YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Humans and Huklio with each other : YOUR SO UGLY! NO YOU ARE MORE UGLY! *starts a "who is uglier" dick measuring contest* See! You can even start packbonding over thinking the other side is super ugly!

[@madnimrod2489]

I just wonder how many Human-Huklio diplomatic conversations turned into Yo Mama contests.

[@AnikaJarlsdottr]

I imagine that when he met the dragons, his rection should have been like thor seeing hulk in the arena. "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEESSSSS!!!!!!! 😆"

[@assaulthetz]

I still like the fact that the 'corpse' pale walkers and humans shared hand in hand when they're about to die like friends who hates each other's guts but still saves them if there's a clear different hostile threat.

[@cjandauntieyaya1446]

As soon as they described the last species as furry teddybears with big eyes on the sides of their head, I just knew... Sometimes friendly shape is not friend.

[@peterhacke6317]

The mention of dragons and bards had me rolling

[@lemonlemonlemonlemonlemonlemo]

honestly now i wanna be friends with a huklio. we wouldn’t be able to look at each other without vomiting but that sounds like an interesting mutual experience. we would just insult each other all day every day. it would be wonderful

[@stephenaustin142]

Adrenaline , it's a hell of a drug .

[@theengagedfew]

The only thing missing from the fight scene was Julian impaling the dead on their own spears as a warning to the others.

[@seanwalters1977]

"mutually appreciated aversion" LOL

[@Modhunter42]

Excellent. Well written and compelling story. VERY similar to Alan Dean Foster's Humanx Commonwealth series. I suspect "inspired by" is the correct term here. I hope to read more of this one.

[@berges104]

I feel bad for the universe if we are one of the scariest things out there. Lucky us.

[@skaterjoe1669]

That line about bards cracked me up🤣

[@MountainFisher]

Look up the definition for Bard. a person in ancient societies skilled at composing and singing or reciting verses about heroes and their deeds. 2. : poet. bardic.