Best HFY Reddit Stories: The Very First Contact

[@anathardayaldar]

Zeno: Our council laws are well formed and fool proof. The Spiffin Brit: Good evening ladies and gentlemen, lets see if the council is "perfectly balanced."

[@jakobrosenqvist4691]

Infinite money, just like the lawmakers intended.

[@ivorjawa]

Oh shit, here come Wohn Jick.

[@RequiemPoete]

Watch me gain FTL by playing as a necromancer armed with just a spoon.

[@lupaswolfshead9971]

hahaha.

[@Amelia_Scp_and_Halo_fan]

Human would exactly do this things with no remorse.

[@bradwolf07]

Welcome to the Council, please step forward to receive your "I got played by the humans and all I got was this lousy T-shirt" complimentary T-shirt.

[@Allantitan]

I can totally see humans doing this

[@VenomPulse]

Complimentary t-shirt you have no choice but to buy it. All proceeds goto human charity "medical-care of alien brethren or "m.o.a.b" for short

[@kennethoneill4176]

​@@Allantitandoing this then giving their support for the race they duped to fully join the council. Galactic hazing.

[@tazia37]

If that t-shirt was available, I'd buy it! 🤣🤣🤣

[@Leapyean]

The tag reads "Made lovingly on Earth"

[@septonyte]

Human A: We should troll the galaxy Human B: Let's do a speed run for ourselves to the top tier of galactic powers. Human A and Human : *look at each other while grinning* Human A: Both! Human B: Both is good!!

[@muegaltomiganson]

you forgot B in the third line

[@RomanQrr]

To be completely fair, that joke on the new species will probably accelerate their acceptance into the council.

[@lancer2204]

"Welcome to the club, counselling is on the second Thursday of each month, and how many t-shirts do you need?"

[@charleslahser2351]

They are now part of the Gotcha Club.

[@largeegg6505]

Humans aren't Space Orcs, we're Space Trolls

[@cmmpr111]

Trollolololoolololololollolllolllolllololoolllololollol

[@notimportant4778]

Space goblins

[@Sef_Era]

I suppose that would depend on ‘them’. If they meet us with malicious intent, they’ll find Orcs; just if they give us gifts, we’ll make a show of it.

[@DasHeino2010]

Space lawyers

[@jamesha175]

Space Jesters

[@Rawkit_Surgeon]

Our pen is mightier than our sword and we bring guns to our sword fights.

[@Privateerblack]

At that point, it might as well be a rite of passage into the Galactic Council to get fleeced by the humans like that. On humanity's end, it might as well be tradition to do so.

[@ireallyreallyhategoogle]

A rite of passage and a good way to see how a new species handles first contact.

[@MizuMing]

"They can't keep getting away with this!" pops into mind. 😂

[@broEye1]

Give humanity a chance to make a good joke, they'll always go for it. Give us a chance to make a good joke while profiting from it, and nothing will stop us.

[@Allantitan]

And good luck trying 😂

[@mikkelnpetersen]

"They named it the great heist" "OBJECTION, they named it the biggest joke of the galaxy" "EITHER WAY"

[@medical-cyanide1526]

Honestly surprised the humans haven’t tried to make this into a deal with the council. They have a small colony pretend to be a uncontacted race to see if a new member species truely follows the council in its goals

[@ireallyreallyhategoogle]

Next proposition on the docket.

[@Fuxy22]

Humans... the trolls of the galaxy... I like it!

[@josesandoval-bp6wb]

The humans acting like college students trying to be serious is great

[@PocoToro]

If you see a human running, run away from whatever they are running from. If you see a human lawyer running, run faster.

[@mugenokami2201]

And human explosive technician?

[@NXTangl]

​@@mugenokami2201that's Maxim 3.

[@ireallyreallyhategoogle]

Nah, if you see a human lawyer talking, run!

[@steffenstelldinger9999]

@@mugenokami2201 They don't run! They just grin broadly and take cover. 😈

[@mugenokami2201]

@@steffenstelldinger9999 if a human explosive deposal expert is hauling ass from a said explosive you should be trying to break land speed records with your legs.

[@schnebot]

i like the fact that humans are so diligent in reading the law, but i feel a bit said since it affects the newbie species on the block.

[@kiritotheabridgedgod4178]

When you think about it, it technically helps them. Even if they don't have a "New" species to present to the council for their efforts, they did demonstrate their commitment to the councils ideals. Once they've gotten over the council has recovered from their exasperation with us, that non-full council species will probably be looked upon more favourably.

[@malinbergvall]

She did say it didn't really cost them that much.

[@TheStartrek99]

Humans. The only thing scarier than our persistence-hunting super powers is our lawyers. Edit: and, apparently, our sense of humor.

[@matthewshiers9038]

This is the sort of thing that causes wars.

[@BunnyTheOverlord]

Would probably cost too many resources just to get back something they can already make against a species thats already shown they can warp and bend the rules. Would probably be a bureaucratic nightmare and at worse even be playing right into the humans hands. They break wormholes in space for a joke imagine what they'll do when they're serious.

[@jonnypena7651]

yup, I think we went too far in this one.

[@smmk88]

Except the Council is pacifistic

[@lupaswolfshead9971]

And . This humans we are talking about.

[@sanityflyer5294]

Even I got played by the humans, I clicked this video a second time and didn't realize it was a video I already watched recently. Lol.

[@My_initials_are_O.G.cuz_I_am]

Me too.. And I've sworn, I would never... NEVER! Never gonna give you up.🎵

[@sanityflyer5294]

@@My_initials_are_O.G.cuz_I_am Never gonna let you down🎶

[@lazarmarinkovic8486]

You do NOT give us an idea like "declare every single human a pirate" cos we are jsut gona take the idea and RUN with it XD

[@dalemorgan8263]

I've heard a story like that one narrated on YT

[@lazarmarinkovic8486]

I did as well@@dalemorgan8263

[@cordellpatrick9517]

​@dalemorgan8263 he has one I forget what it's called but basically the humans decide to leave the council after getting accused of stuff from another species trying to start stuff and everyone becomes their own pirate band

[@lazarmarinkovic8486]

@@cordellpatrick9517 theres another one where the unified human government fell apart and every separate human entity would abide by a set of codes buuuut would jsut be pirates cos fuck you we are humans

[@johnnycampbell3422]

It would seem first contact treaties and commercial agreements would have "down the road" benefits to the established party. With the humans being so powerful, that benefit would realize quickly. Good way for the humans to determine intent.

[@vandalsavage2074]

So we went from being unstoppable space orcs to just good ol' fashion jerks. Got it.

[@Maeshalanadae]

The way we can loophole through just about everything… 😂😂😂

[@Dynioglowy1986]

this is like cheesing dyplomacy with AI in RTS games lol

[@DeHerg]

Except that AI in 4X games is usually stingy to the point of being ridiculous and will often refuse treaties that are already in their favor just because the player suggested it (I understand it's for balancing reasons)

[@janehrahan5116]

It's because when they don't this is what happens

[@Sho_veL]

@@DeHergtheir government read a book about humans and found inspiration perhaps

[@willgallatin2802]

This is the most human thing I've heard in quite a while.

[@poppy63765]

Here before it was even released

[@alexanderdragon5778]

HOW!!

[@HarryPotter-zr2qm]

@@alexanderdragon5778he is a member of the channel so he paid to see it earlier

[@dkbros1592]

what the duck

[@Thekilleroftanks]

​@@HarryPotter-zr2qmeven I am a member and I didn't even see this, he normally doesn't release one shots like this one early like his series. Think this was an accidental release and listed so no one could see it

[@AtamaKizu]

I think everyone is missing an alternate interpretation. This is a great way for humans to vet the character on new species. Kinda like yeah you reworked your laws and everything but do you have the integrity to hold to these laws when you encounter a new species that could easily be killed off with no one knowing about them?

[@debra-qq1np]

Basically, what I was going to post. 😊

[@themaskedhobo]

Also, from the sounds of it they just economically integrated with one of the largest trade networks in the galaxy.

[@rat_king-]

Lawyers.. perfection.

[@greyman1k]

Kudos.....now this is FUNNY! I love it. Best story in a long time. Every word a real pleasure.

[@jacobdraper5275]

Never mess with the lawyers

[@Staladus]

This is hilarous lmao

[@Lumberjack_king]

lol so we pulled the biggest prank in galactic history and became a galactic superpower

[@robert-trading-as-Bob69]

I needed a good laugh today, and this story delivered!

[@scottwilliams846]

_THEY KEEP DOING IT_

[@TechNinjaSigma]

"Lol" said the human "Lmao"

[@Pink_Invader]

"It's just a prank bro" The prank

[@jackreacher1717]

One day some the council's races will think about being fleeced by humanity and will just ignore it when another council species attacks humanity. "Why would they help humans,they have no honor."

[@tubebility]

Galactic Double-Dipping

[@rowanbowers5743]

That's like putting YOUR WHOLE MOUTH IN THE GALACTIC COUNICL!

[@checkme1830]

Oh great, now we’re kobolds.

[@Jedidiah_Martin_2]

I think I like that idea; at least the kobolds' sense of humor is better-developed than the orks' 😂

[@drewgilbertson]

So the Council is a giant Fraternity, and Humanity is in charge of the hazing?

[@ElainCorrine]

Humans.. the 4chan of the galactic community.

[@Kurosakio]

The entirety of humanity can be summed up with, "Trolling is a art."

[@ahzero1]

Ive listened to a lot of these recently and this is by far the best I've listened 😂

[@LurkingDealmakeCr5fv]

"Hey that's not a bad idea actually" almost made me fall off my bed

[@rodon265]

this is the kind of story i love. Not blatantly overpowered, but just insane enough to try this shit.

[@tomasdubravsky4851]

I read this a long time ago, happy to see it narrated.

[@alexanderrosario8569]

We as humanity are ultimate trolls of the universe

[@TairnKA]

Thank-you for sharing, it took a bit to catch my breath. ;-D

[@movieloverfan18]

Twiddle in the picture missing mustache

[@Mehedi905]

I am laughing my ass off.

[@Typhoonator]

Clearly, it's almost a rite of passage at this point

[@jasonwarren9279]

Nice 4th wall break at the very end. Didn't see it coming.

[@beingsneaky]

You think the council would warn new member potential member.

[@NorninTGK]

They will after this.

[@victortahlor4038]

Thank you for the reading

[@Leapyean]

So basicly, humanity is providing a service to the council, we are vetting the morals and ideals of prospect species when they think the council is not looking... it is only fair that we get paid for this noble work!

[@Jedidiah_Martin_2]

"I swear, they would be able _and_ willing to declare all individuals of their species as independent pirate crews if it could spare them taxes on commercial exchanges!" _Humans:_ *NEXT LEVEL ACTIVATED* 🤣

[@lupaswolfshead9971]

they did that to lol

The only part i feel is missing is the humans demanding the species that encountered humans and wanted to become part of the council, where resoected as they, indeed, found a new possible member XD

[@Oyrou]

I can see us doing this

[@Dillsfawn]

I get the point of the story is the "Greatest Joke" and all that. But the idea that we would send off a huge bunch of colonists, that would then essentially be fully out of contact with any other human authority, and most of those colonies *wouldn't* declare themselves independent nations separate from the humans on the galactic council? That at least some fascists and other authoritarians *wouldn't* try to build their own new space faring empire? That the humans on the council *wouldn't* need be completely honest when declaring some of them pirates, because *actual* pirates took root on a colony? Nah, consider my suspension of disbelief itself suspended. There is no way at least *some* of these "fake" colonies wouldn't try to break off from the main authorities of humanity.

[@omegastar2508]

The sole reason that this doesn't happen is because they want to keep the bit going

[@Dillsfawn]

@@omegastar2508 Well yea, I get thats the joke of the story. I just don't see it as plausible. *Someone* (or more likely multiple someones) is going to take advantage of the joke to further their own goals. There is a reason we have the oft repeated saying: "[input reason here] is why we can't have nice things." There will *always* be *someone* that ruins it for everyone else. Even when humanity is trying to be the trolls, someone is going to try and troll humanity.

[@omegastar2508]

@@Dillsfawn Fair, I just like the image of everyone being kept together for the sole purpose of pulling the joke off

[@bluefmi]

so... nobody thought to warn all the new species about the heist? as in: we will welcome you, here is a picture of the a-holes that will attempt to play jokes on you also to colonize a planet, hire god knows how many civilians FOR YEARS in order to make the planet seem like it has a new species... that is an insane cost for a prank the gifts were nothing VERY valuable, they repeated this many times other than that it is a funny unique story good job

[@jacobhuff3748]

If this is the game they play with Xenos, I need to know what games they play with each other.

[@MrGorillafist]

Now this is the version of humanity i hope exists in the future 😂

[@tossot4132]

But cant the counciol just inform new species of Humans as soon as they meet so this doenst happen anymore?

[@dandruff2865]

I'm not sure how I feel about this one... I'm always happy to hear a story about humans getting one over on some race who thinks that their better then us, but I don't get that feeling here. This just seems... mean :

[@МстиславКоряков]

Why ? No one harmed , since "gifts and political favors" are "not a huge boon from established empire" , no one died , there is something to remember and talk about if (rather WHEN) some other specie try to fuck them up, and humans didnt go full wh40k after recieving new toys. I think thats a win-win

[@Servo_M]

That face! LOL!

[@anathardayaldar]

Work smarter, not harder.

[@ZoruaZorroark]

typical terran, but still a good idea

[@ActJack]

Hahaha 😂😂😂😂😂😂 cool

[@Danyal_aka_Amagibestfox]

Bruuuuh

[@simonezotta2454]

Lol, Lmao

[@StephenCampbell-yy2xc]

Isn't it in the name FIRST contact

[@RANDOM-KNIGHT145]

So our first contact turned into a Ponzi scheme ? Sounds about right for humans 😅

[@morgangallowglass8668]

Gotta respect the grift.

[@Amoth_oth_ras_shash]

umm ,yee no , its not because all great jokes needs a punchline ''though one that is pure joy over others despair is not that i'd argue'' no , its because ,cute so you consider yourself the top dog ? the biggest pack ? ...in that galaxy ? yet a majority of it is still not under your direct observation ? , in that situation you fling new colony seeds outside of direct support for two reasons 1. better to see how others treat you when thinking they have the upper hand 2. what if a intentionally deceptive with despotic intentions polity is growing from the other side of said galaxy ? , better to expose its true agenda with ''easy targets'' early

[@johnmckenzie2157]

Hahaha 😅😅😅😅😅😅

[@Redmeer411]

I don't know how to feel about this one. On one hand its pretty funny and semi-harmless on the other it feels like the Humans are total slime balls. Sure the new species is not technically harmed by the "joke" but leaves me with the feeling that the humans aren't really joking, more of taking advantage of young races trying to do the right thing and show they can follow the rules by tricking them into a predatory trade deals that locks them into the Human trade network, essentially the Humans are creating a hostage market of the new comers they can take further advantage of. The new comers don't lose much initially sure, and the humans dont gain much but the humans still are taking things from a race that has less than them and putting them into a disadvantage trade position and creating a potentially large trade advantage over the new comers using false pretense to gain treaties and benefits they probably would not have given otherwise with a known and established species. The Humans really come off as cliche used car sales men or con -artists and jaded cynics acting like "heh look at these suckers, that'll teach them to trust people or be kind to the new kids." Honestly this story leaves a sour taste in my mouth because the humans come off more as con-artists trying to trick all the other species into a bad business market, because the new comers they trick don't actually get as much out of the deal as it may seem at first, the Humans stand to benefit way more because they have already got the new species where they want them to be before the new comers ever have a chance to prepare for being thrown into such a large market that they might not be able to compete against when the established human corpos flood their markets with Human goods so it makes it feel less like a prank and more like a predatory business model despite how much the author tries to spin it like its just a prank bro.

[@Shythalia]

LOL

[@cmmpr111]

Meth

[@GLORYInintact]

What a childish and silly story. Im dumber listening to it

[@Basspounder5]

Honestly, it just sounds like the humans were just being assholes in this one. But still funny regardless.

[@michaelbarnard8529]

The story needs a line like “Don’t worry, you are now on good terms with one of the strongest civilizations in the galaxy. You’ll earn it back and more in no time.”

[@Sanquinity]

Not really assholes, just a bit of a dick. As the new species said, the resources they gave the humans didn't really put a dent in their own civilization. So this is more like a drinking buddy getting 5 bucks out of you by tricking you into a bet he can't lose. It's not humanity's fault that the other species have no sense of humour, and laws with tons of loopholes in them. :P

[@joseglenn20]

Xenos getting Played.