BEST OF TELLING STORIES

[@shrimplamp1]

That “take it ez babe” pops into my head at least once a week

[@tannerparks2822]

same, its also the only picture of shadman, which is funny that its of him as a bad simpson character

[@Jack_Woods]

He's Dale from King Of The Hill

[@TheRealSkreegle]

For me its the c'mon man listen man

[@Maddy-sy1vj]

@@tannerparks2822 it makes sense that oney would know him lmao

[@ZeldaCDI99]

"Take it ez, babe!" --Shadman when the Swedish government tries to arrest him for drawing literal CP

[@killerplunger]

I love how Chris describes the guy who poisoned him through pizza with severe stomach pain as "just goofin around"

[@kedro5]

It's wild that the pizza place kept a guy with multiple customer complaints from his first day on the job around for (at least) two months.

[@Destroy3612]

@@kedro5 he was probably related to the owner

[@avillazamora3660]

IM LOOKING FOR THIS STORY I CAN'T FIND IT WHERE IS IT??

[@avillazamora3660]

found it :)

[@ZedByt]

@@avillazamora3660 when you find it share it with the class you goon (timestamp) Especially if you're gonna put an entire new comment after finding it

[@SZLEDGEHAMMOR]

The thumbnail of Zach looks so candid and fatherly. Too bad he's an actual Ghoulie.

[@dredgefall]

No he's a FoOglie from the hit anime Spy Kids

[@Mattno.777]

@@dredgefall No. Thats Inacurate information. Hes a Noseian Hadey from the Famous Netflix series: "Kratt Brothers"

[@TheHeadbanger93]

Don't touch his jewel or he'll die.

[@Jack_Woods]

Or the ghost of a rape victim, that's also a possibility

[@NeVerKnowFFS]

@@Mattno.777 I miss that Zabamafoo

[@maxhay9098]

I think I finally just cracked the Pokemon one. The dude was distributing copies of Red around during exam periods because he wanted to drag the curve down to pass his classes, dude was a genius

[@Shawno625]

if he put as much effort into copying and distributing copies of pokemon red across the campus into studying he probably would of passed

[@lilvaginastain6643]

@@SludgeManCometh lol

[@shinyentree225]

That’s some 6d chess

[@blakechildress944]

That actually makes perfect sense! I would have never considered that but it makes perfect sense! I didn't think he was trying to access his female classmate's web cams like Zack said. If he was then why did he also give the Pokemon copies to men? The trench coat guy was most likely trying to lower the grade curve of the class which is easier than spending hours studying.

[@aaroncarapace8054]

@@blakechildress944 Giving the copies to both genders makes his story seem more believable and less creepy. Also dude could be gay or bi we just assumed he likes girls. Not to mention black mail can be gathered for both genders.

[@HollowHouse3]

I love that Chris's fake Bowser room thing made it into the SM64 Creepypasta lexicon.

[@BigOlSmellyFlashlight]

yeah

[@WillPurestWill]

Which

[@roachdoggjr.4993]

@@WillPurestWill the "every supra mayro 6 4 cartridge is personalized" iceberg

[@henrynelson9301]

It was also used as a clickbait thumbnail for an article on thegamer called “secrets you still haven’t found in Super Mario 64”

[@TheHammeroftime]

I like how Chris tells these stories that paint his dad like a total bully then says his dad Is a sweet man.

[@jacobbarbulescu6654]

It’s literally what I do with my dad

[@stproducciones9140]

Well he DOES do a great Donald Duck impression

[@rusteddenial453]

YA thats my uncle he sure loves his cars

[@joshuas22]

@@rusteddenial453 “hehe hello”

[@shaynehughes6645]

We'll all be like that one day

[@henrynelson9301]

I like how Tomar tells a story about how his grandpa saved a kid’s life and had a comic made about him, then Lyle’s stories are about how he messed up a Christian Minecraft server and insulted Tobuscus.

[@commonwriternext]

Tomar comes from a heroic lineage while Lyle is just a douche true to his name

[@clawzx1195]

Personalities boiled down into stories

[@gustavwood0064]

I’m kinda insulted Tomar didn’t mention how he arranged the Hindenburg disaster because one of the passengers bumped into him in the belt buckle store.

[@gulfcoastgaming6034]

Don’t forget smashing rats with belts and Cherokee Patty

[@josephikrakowski1137]

Nah man, tomar created the tomar emeralds in my books he’s worse than Lyle

[@ethanwilde4716]

Hearing Chris walk across Eggshells about his friend "Shad" for someone that in most of his videos he's talking without a care is the funniest thing.

[@shoebillbigbeak1538]

I'm having a stroke reading this

[@majorghoul9017]

He didn't take it ez babe

[@TrueRandomPlayer]

​@@majorghoul9017Oh, I beg to differ. He took it REAL easy.

[@vtxp1a]

@@TrueRandomPlayer did he really eat over 4 pounds of human shit?

[@oldylad]

@@vtxp1ahe ate 12, 4 was old news

[@tomkeenoyy]

“the hacker known as Squeeble” KILLS me every time

[@dr.diamond9868]

Christopher!!! WA HOO!!!

[@Kryptnyt]

We've finally found him

[@phantompop3192]

Every time? Name every time you died.

[@tomkeenoyy]

@@phantompop3192 there was that one time when I first heard it and then again when I heard it again and also this time. So 3 times

[@phantompop3192]

@@tomkeenoyy you win this round

[@oliverdaniel5128]

Chris saying “look! it’s *REEEAAAL* “during the Mario 64 hoax story kills me every time I hear it

[@jaythehuman2552]

not only that but it made gaming history since its in EVERY SM64 ice berg ive seen

[@RanOutOfSpac]

@@jaythehuman2552 Wait, really?! Holy shit now I need to find those ice bergs cause that’s hilarious.

[@angelicpretty777]

@@RanOutOfSpac yeah people were making fucking conspiracies and shit about it. it was an interesting time to be an oneyplays fan.

[@killpeoplewithhammersbrutally1]

@@angelicpretty777 cant believe your the same person who made that bimbo playlist

[@funnykai1]

timestamp?

[@eonprimicus]

Zach is actually really smart testing the limits of his lies in the Best Buy story, testing how far he could stretch the Best Buy employee's lies and seeing if he would lie about a camera that much. And he got pretty far.

[@gulfcoastgaming6034]

Zach is a lot smarter than people give him credit for, it’s just that the knowledge is applied to dumb stuff. That bit in Luigi’s Mansion 3 about fictional characters becoming president is a good example

[@Krehnadian]

What gets me is the employee, who isn't getting commission, is lying out of his ass lmfao

[@ddipster9342]

@@gulfcoastgaming6034 what episode?

[@gulfcoastgaming6034]

@@ddipster9342 I forget the exact episode, but it’s Luigi’s Mansion 3 when they’re in the studio level

[@JoNarDLoLz]

I dont think its a Best Buy employee lying through his teeth to get an idiot to buy the camera, but more so an employee who just doesnt give a fuck and agrees with anything the customer says just to get it over with. 24k karat gold might be a little too much, but then again, it's just easier 'yeah' than to be more technical about it because that requires more work and having to understand the products you sell.

[@koji8872]

Chris struggling to describe Shadman without saying anything bad will always be the funniest shit ever

[@gta4helpers]

Aged like a fine wine

[@leightonrud66]

Dirty pedo

[@LinusBitchTits]

@@gta4helpersin this case the proverbial wine bottle has always clearly been full of piss and for some reason the only way to convince people of that is by letting them taste it

[@zPandro1]

time stamp?

[@koji8872]

@@zPandro1 yes

[@Pyrax99]

The sentence “Daddy wouldnt buy me a shuper shplit” is honestly something on a biblical scale. I cant explain why but i always crawl back for it like some gremlin priest

[@BabyOuija]

I had real tears flowing down my face

[@321gofast7]

LUUK AT YORSHELF IN DA MEEROR, DADEE

[@himwhoisnottobenamed5427]

And all because of a creamsicle.

[@TheTGOAC]

Cringe

[@JoseTorres-mg3mx]

I always remember the “wuts rong, kris?”

[@Grimfoon]

grandpa zach gathers his youngins around the fire place to screech at them

[@Jack_Woods]

UZALAGIKA ZAMBAKALAKAGOMAGIMBADILA!

[@suttlet.sounds9707]

@@Jack_Woods LAWOOKABALADIRIZIKIOPIPAMANDALORIANBAPIKIAPOOKAMOOLALOOKA

[@Jack_Woods]

@@suttlet.sounds9707 Only him and his kids know the Hadel language passed on for generations onto Zach

[@iseetheendisnear2416]

We luv it when Grandpa Zach opens his crusty, purple lips and gaslights us.

[@FluffyIronGolems]

@@suttlet.sounds9707 the fact you know that language to spell it out in full scares me

[@drunkmunki3196]

Zach is known to always smoke his iconic corn cob pipe while telling stories

[@Mattno.777]

While Snorkeling Odd Fumes inside his Ancient Forest Gnome Mansion.

[@Jack_Woods]

He wouldn't he'd have his celery stick with PB at the end of it

[@championofploorf4108]

[Jac̡҉k̕_ W҉̛̕o͞od̀́͞s̢͞] don’t forget his gamer juice darling

[@kylesgirlfriend2]

The panic in Chris’ voice when he said “ a silverback gorilla” is so fucking funny

[@yggdrasil2]

That and that time his parents confronted him about his search history: "Eh..no..."

[@henrynelson9301]

“He was scary.” “Chris….” “He was!”

[@leaffinite2001]

And hes just recounting the story lmao

[@tyronequinn]

Can't wait for all those Irish stories

[@ScootaNinja]

I want Niall to accidentally tell his story twice

[@FelipeJaquez]

I went on a fishing trip then I didn't catch a fish and my dad said but then I shit my pants the end...

[@Grwgoski]

Irish stories make me proud to be a bog dweller

[@DragonTamer31K]

"I don't tell Irish stories" "All your stories are Irish stories!"

[@lol33380]

Chris doing his played up irish accent gives me life

[@lucho6883]

Yeah, like we are supposed to believe that Zach and Tomar's honeymoon in Bangkok was just a story

[@roachdoggjr.4993]

Tomar sure showed zach his "pig physics" that honeymoon in bangkok, if you get what I'm sayin

[@jaythehuman2552]

69 likes, nice, you deserve a tomar emerald.

[@loopnana]

a steamy night in 1996 no less

[@gulfcoastgaming6034]

I saw them there. They held a body bag up to the moon and took a photo of it before dropping it off of the roof. Fun guys

[@Voc_spooksauce]

@@gulfcoastgaming6034 Classic maniac Tomar

[@renemartinez3451]

56:39 Can we acknowledge that Tomar is descended from an actual comic book superhero? It's hard to believe, what with Tomar's villainous acts over the years.

[@Sleepy_Cabbage]

"stop your evil ways tumor, what would papa think"

[@freddywilliams9837]

Oney and Zach are so brave, hanging out with the legendary hacker Squeeble. Do they know his deeds?

[@bizzareslam5]

The closest thing to a new sleepycast episode we are gonna get

[@idfrigginkman]

You didn't have to hurt me this way

[@Jack_Woods]

There used to be a world as tangible as our own, impossible to see yet unavoidable to sense...

[@Megumin..]

Did something happened?

[@BleachedPeehole]

Did something happened?

[@bleppyboo5969]

That's basically how I see Oneyplays now. 3 friends having fun and chatting

[@BohdanKaiba]

“And then Tomar put a gun to that guys head and asked him do you believe in God!” - Zach Hadel

[@aus-li]

Tomar is officially ending religion and spreading the good word of atheism!

[@noid2690]

"The very notion of belief itself can be rhetorically whittled to the bare knob of its meaning. I'd like to talk with you a lot more about this. Would you be interested in reading some of my literature?"

[@JC-wj7sb]

@@noid2690 Joshua Xavier Tomar

[@thesilverblueman]

@@aus-li no hes spreading Judaism if the man said no Tomar would execute him

[@NikoJr.]

@@JC-wj7sb Xavier: Renegade Tomar

[@nickisadankboi8102]

The boys are constantly encountering strangers and freaks missions

[@poursoftheearth]

underrated comment

[@llab3903]

@@poursoftheearth thanks to you it’s overrated

[@whatinthek7931]

@@somerand0mpers0n thanks

[@Insanepie]

Because they live in LA

[@CheeseYourself]

best comment right here

[@yurifan3000]

after the reveal that adam was the friend with the homeless tinder date i'm convinced he was the one who got fined $5k for downloading porn

[@dickkickem3834]

I always assumed it was Niall

[@AtomicFlounder42]

The 5k porn was absolutely either Adam, or Cory with Chris trying to hide his identity

[@henrynelson9301]

@@dickkickem3834everyone thought Niall was the Tinder guy because of the stories he told about it on Sleepycast, but he actually stopped using it

[@dickkickem3834]

@@henrynelson9301 yeah that was my train of thought. but listening back to it, chris mimics Adam's way of speaking pretty clearly.

[@AshTronaut99]

Listening to this while I fall asleep is the best feeling ever.

[@gabrielwarren6955]

Ur pic just adds to the comment

[@Tunkkis]

Friendship simulator.

[@ShroomyTheOne]

I gotta try that, I usually fall asleep listening to wendigoon or Markiplier but perhaps this could be good as well

[@neb6705]

"Those are YOUR nudes they belong to YOU" Zach cracks me up sometimes

[@henotic.essence]

I mean, he's spitting facts haha

[@irtyan6773]

timestamp?

[@biggali]

@@irtyan6773 2:00:30

[@Crash_2099]

He’s right. Do you share yours?

[@angelicpretty777]

as someone whos taken nudes zach makes me feel seen heard and validated

[@Dexide10]

"Take it EZ babe" better be in this joint right here edit: it's the second story, hell yeah dude

[@mrshadowguy1999]

I was so damn giddy when I heard the opening to the second story. Literally my favorite story.

[@proudtitanicdenier4300]

you can just reply instead of editing your comment

[@Dexide10]

@@proudtitanicdenier4300 or I can just edit my comment instead of replying??? Like who gives a shit?

[@мѕєукѕ]

@@Dexide10 take it EZ babe

[@Dexide10]

@@мѕєукѕ I want to work on the Simpsons one day

[@PatienceKiss]

When Shadman unsheathed his $20 walmart knife to extort his dealer for more meth, the first and only words he spoke were "Take it EZ, babe"

[@lemondoodledandy]

Is that the friend he was talking about?!?

[@tsrenis]

@@lemondoodledandy yeah lol

[@tomasfong40]

Wait, thats why he got arrested? I thought that if he got arrested it would be from Child porn like most content creators

[@halfknight6706]

@@tomasfong40 Unfortunately, he's allowed to produce it as long as it isn't ACTUAL child porn. Drawn characters get a pass for some reason.

[@halfknight6706]

@@tomasfong40 It's why you see "lolitas" in the world of Anime.

[@smileydog5941]

2:47:44 God I love when Chris reconnects with his Irish roots and gives everyone in his stories Irish simpleton accents

[@TheHeadbanger93]

Zach's become a father figure to me. Don't touch his jewel or he'll die.

[@proudtitanicdenier4300]

great reference to the iconic disney animation

[@yeoldetoast6198]

@To DEATH, Bro! *Melts*

[@adaywithoutsinead]

The pizza sociopath story is terrifying WTF

[@Eyetrauma]

When he said the dude asked him to put the pizza on the ground I expected him to stomp on it.

[@borbleborb4586]

*put pizza on floor*

[@PinkBunnyCorporation]

If Zach was there he would have said "I love a duh PIZZA" and scared him.

[@alphalax7747]

DOUBLE U TEA EFF BRO!!!!

[@codafett]

It's a story that needs a follow up. What the fuck happened to that guy if he's going around destroying or poisoning pizzas?

[@dinorasanchez70]

Favorites shads tip - 3:14 oogie boogie & silverback gorilla - 10:46 the bowser room - 14:39 angry limo guys - 27:24 sleep paralysis - 29:27 crazy taxi - 34:32 lyle, the minecraft bully - 47:13 tripping dad - 1:09:42 baby ducks - 1:47:48

[@elraytaco9121]

Fucking love the tip story

[@Ben-vs7bq]

finding out that cory’s dad believes everybody was an alien at one point and sci fi is real explains a whole lot

[@Snpaulie]

holy shit it does

[@nutsberk]

Ya the line from the sponge factory story " it's a miracle you're as normal as you are" makes so much more sense now

[@PaxHeadroom]

99% sure Cory's dad is a scientologist

[@farkbett699]

Stepdad, not his real dad

[@Sofnuuy]

@@farkbett699 yeah corys real dad was a body builder who was a psycho lol also that just means his mom is into crazy people lmao

[@84everfan90]

My no.1 favorite Cory trope is him asking to play, or someone saying he should play at the worst possible time and him asking "what's this button do?"

[@owltoe0164]

it's because he can't even draw clothed women

[@henrynelson9301]

I like when he handed the controller to Jeff in Sonic Adventure, and he just went “okay so B is jump”

[@b_l_a_c_k-l_i_t_e]

The cool thing about Zach is that nobody could possibly Look or Sound like him so he cant be impersonated

[@BigOlSmellyFlashlight]

get surgery to get a big nose and also block your nasal airways in the same surgery

[@austinwomack5664]

He sounds like he always has a head cold

[@VerbyWerby]

Niall can do a spot on Zach impression

[@toasterboi5603]

@AnAverageTerrarian this is because Zach is everyone.

[@absurdstar1334]

Boy am I gonna try though

[@Loe7]

No joke, I really identify with Ding Dong's outlook on school. A lot of fucked of shit happened to me, my friends, and a lot of the kids around me. Really cemented my outlook on life.

[@kekula69]

They tell you to report when you're bullied, but they never do anything if an adult is one

[@ZedByt]

@@kekula69 WDYM? They aren't doing you any favors telling you to report when you are getting bullied by another kid in the first place cuz then they just give you worse punishment then the bully anyway.

[@bajjajajbajjjajaj6473]

It’s funny, because every single time without fail, any kid who says this is a kid who spends half of every class drawing on themselves with a sharpie and getting punished for it

[@HennyVenny]

​@bajjajajbajjjajaj6473 what point are you even trying to make here?

[@sebastianbustos-smith5338]

They've really figured out that Zach in the thumbnail means more views eh?

[@user-tq9wp7uq2r]

Well, he's the sex appeal of the group.

[@yowatchie]

@@user-tq9wp7uq2r I was under the impression the channel was just straight sex appeal throughout.

[@user-rg2hk9uz9u]

they should rename oneyplays into pebbleplays

[@Jack_Woods]

He's the next PlayBoy

[@bumibomber]

@Cole Stevens I'm surprised you can fit Zach's nose in one hand

[@kota7907]

I really like this thumbnail of Zach, it feels cozy.

[@Vitorio582]

"Sit down, kids, I'm going to tell you about the time I was a let's player"

[@spicymang0o]

Now I want video of zach readyn a story book and he starts with "gathe around my chikdren, I got quite the tale to tell!"

[@Jack_Woods]

You know Zach would make it some creepy shit like last time he made something involving... fatherhood

[@furfixer]

It reminds me of the fact that he dressed up as a dad from the 60s this halloween

[@GrinningAries]

The constant chaos of Ding Dong's high school experience sounds like my college experience. Nearly every night the fire alarm was pulled in the forms and everyone had to stand outside in the middle of the night. The faculty didn't always know what they were doing, to the point where it was clear a lot of them were just trying to stay one lesson ahead of the students, and often failing. One person in my class of about 20 people was held up at gunpoint in the parking lot there. There wasn't one week that passed where something didn't go very wrong. There was a particularly clueless teacher with no credentials whatsoever that tried to force us to have our work specifically be ships from Star Trek that he could put in Star Trek fangame, even after we told him repeatedly we were strongly advised to not copyrighted material into our final demo reel, and to work on stuff that would show our own creativity. It was our final year and we all wanted jobs in computer animation, and he had a fit about no one showing up to his class after this, to the point of not showing up himself and getting fired.

[@fiercekitty4982]

Hope you did well after that hell. Bless your soul.

[@bilbo_gamers6417]

That sounds super illegal

[@passingrando6457]

There is a certain wannabe teacher (last I heard, he's made substitute a couple times, but never got a permanent position) who is more (in)famous online for being the author of a million plus-word long my little pony/ fallout crossover fanfiction filled with violence and rape. At least one of the positions he was fired from was for directly telling his class about what he'd written.

[@Pat0p]

And you paid to go there? Was there a particular draw or pull factor?

[@tomasfong40]

@@passingrando6457 Fallout: Equestria dude was a teacher or are you talking about another fanfic

[@AAA-qm9km]

34:34 is, without exaggeration, one of the funniest stories I've heard in my entire life.

[@henrynelson9301]

Never questioning about the gender of the sucker and just assuming it’s a hot lady is so stupid, but also such a Dave thing to do

[@chumbo_7931]

esteemed creator of Friday Night Funkin gets sucked off at the crazy taxi machine

[@kodachromeraccoon5448]

Dave has such a way of telling stories (especially stories of his misfortune) it’s amazing. I remember I was sick in bed with KZbin auto play on when I first heard this story and I was wheezing 😭

[@EaZyGoiN12]

We finally get a 3 hour compilation of Tomar's war crime stories of running away from the Russian federation the last 15 years.

[@nickname8619]

The war in chechniya really brought out the worst in him

[@buhgingo2933]

Too bad he pitted most of them on to the United States

[@TanComady]

@@nickname8619 The first or second?

[@vizzy61]

Both

[@biggidousthethird2672]

He may think that he has escaped, but divine judgement comes to us all.

[@justkon1789]

I’m convinced Chris and none of his friends had good childhoods

[@stproducciones9140]

That would explain why they're all so weird. Chris attended a strict catholic irish school, Cory grew up in the middle of bumfuck missouri with an abusive father, Zach was pretty shy and had to grow up talking like that... I'm glad they managed to pull through.

[@fuckyoutubecomments7530]

It’s a miracle Cory is as normal as he is

[@roachdoggjr.4993]

@@fuckyoutubecomments7530 yeah considering hes a Missouri amoeba headed water person

[@ichimaru96]

@@fuckyoutubecomments7530 cory is chris chan if chris chan wasn't a scumbag... and had talent

[@FelipeJaquez]

Stamper got diddled as a kid so yeah...

[@yoghurtlord1745]

This video is basically Best Of "Hey Chris, remember the time?"

[@B1G_D0G]

Epic family guy moment

[@seamusclarke2366]

Remember da time?

[@snapdowndarsee4959]

@@seamusclarke2366 "remember the time I had to sing the cucaracha with Paul McCartney"

[@JerryBlueCast]

GIGGITY GIGGITY I’M GONNA RAAAaa- HEY PETER REMEMBER THE TIME

[@dynamite3414]

“Take it EZ Babe” hits different now

[@josephl.4142]

I’m the retard that doesn’t get the joke could you explain

[@Boomhauer-Skink-Licker]

I broke through on dmt at 3:18:25 and hearing ding dong's commentary over Rug Rats Mini Golf turn into an alien language as I went into space was the most surreal and autistic thing in my short, odd life.

[@ceyboard4296]

What's DMT like?

[@roachdoggjr.4993]

Oh that's normal even when you're not on dmt, that's just dingdongs natural language you're hearing

[@GLVMR64]

this is my favorite comment

[@tylercoon1791]

@@roachdoggjr.4993 it’s his translator malfunctioning

[@anchorbubba]

this becomes so much funnier after you have broken through on dmt

[@MitridatedCarbon]

It's unfortunate the Giuseppe's story won't be in here

[@98JSB]

Instant classic

[@dogsodaa]

The Adventures of Giuseppe

[@ohheyitsguy]

Is this one of those moments where the comments say something funny but untrue, or am I genuinely forgetting about the giuseppe tale

[@MitridatedCarbon]

@@ohheyitsguy it was in the last episode of The Adventures of Chris(TM)

[@ZakMcDonald64]

Giuseppe killed my father but other than that great guy

[@MrThemanofdoom]

This makes me sad, I wish i could relive hearing these stories again

[@Rad-Dude63andathird]

The new KZbin update wipes your memories of the video when you hit the replay button, your wish is granted.

[@ChickenKinglolz]

Go go gadget forget i watched the video, so i can watch it again. And then hilarity ensues

[@Uncle-Jay]

@2:23:21 Fun Story: In the early 90s, my little sister was probably in first grade, I'd have been in like 4th or 5th. Every year the school had this "party" for all the kids who didn't get detention for the year. A few weeks before, this kid shoves my sister while they are getting in line, my sister pushes back, but the playground monitor only sees her. So they drag her to the principal's office and are like yelling at her and accusing her of hitting this kid. They call up my Mom and they tell her what they believe happened, so my Mom asks to speak to my sister, she asked her what happened and she told the truth, Mom always raised us to tell the truth and because we never gave her a reason to doubt us, she believed us. She got the principal back on the phone and told him she believed my sister and that she was specifically coming after school to pick us both up, because my sister was **not** going to detention and the school cannot keep her from taking her children. The next day they drag her back in to the office and scream her down, tell her she knows she's lying, she hit that kid, stop fucking lying, totally gaslighting her. Makes her call our Mom up, tell her that she actually lied and that she did hit that kid. Mom asks what happened, she starts crying and says they made her call. As plainly as she could, she told the principal to back off and that if they didn't, they'd be hearing from a lawyer. It appeared to work, they backed off. Then the end of the year party thing comes and the principal informs my sister a few days before that because of her incident, she couldn't go and that she'd have to sit in a room with these other kids. They said that even though she didn't attend her detention, they simply put it down as a suspension instead. When my Mom found out she didn't even say anything. She simply sent my sister to school with a note stating that she would be out for a doctor's appointment the day of the party. She took her out to lunch and spent the day with her. When you have a system that feels like it is inherently designed against the people you are attempting to educate, I feel like the effect is counterintuitive to the whole process. Unfortunately, in my school district, students needed to know their rights or teachers would trample all over you. I've had personal belonging's stolen from me, I've witnessed teachers clearly antagonizing students, teach-student relationships. And the couple of teachers we did have that started off as like super chill and cool, their co-workers treated them like shit and froze them out and the students walked all over them. I hated school man.

[@jojorabbit-wz8ms]

The good thing is she got happy ending

[@philipmateo3816]

They’re kids, dude. They’re going to get detention why would they do this? Just give the kids a party at the end of the year, regardless

[@kekula69]

Teachers can be bullies too

[@GuineaPigEveryday]

I completely get you. I went to a British school and god knows my parents still talk to ppl they know about how crazy it was because the principal’s would act like tyrants about the most menial issues. E.g. some stupid kid drew an illuminate meme on a bathroom stall, the next day we all get called up in this new large conference room they have on the top-floor which is mostly empty, the lights are dim, and we’re all in rows and this teacher is walking past us and shouting at is about vandalism. And then when some dipshit brought a swiss army knife to school they went insane about bringing weapons to school and one by one interrogated us about snitching who did it, and gaslighting us that we were lying and that we were gonna get in trouble for not saying the truth. Admittedly we also did some dumb shit like creating a skype chat where we made memes about all the teachers and impersonated them with fake skype accounts, and one of our friends added a real teacher to the chat and we all got ousted and each of us got harangued about it and threatened with expulsion. And thats a normal sort of day in British schools, teachers there are genuinely the power-hungry inferiority-complex types and thats not just my memory speaking. Some British teachers get so insecure if you even mess up once or they think ur insulting them or whatever. The amount of teachers who think its okay to take their anger out on stufents over the most menail stuff is ridiculous. i mean my parents complained a lot, i mean like the principal constantly harassed my sister about her skirt being too short even though she was very tall and thats all that you could buy of that size. Weird thing is I had the most fond memories of messing around with my friends back then, school systems that try cracking down on students rlly only make them rebel more.

[@Zlarel]

My first gf once told me a story involving the K-12 Christian school we both attended. When she was 7 of so she was hanging out on the playground with two girls. One said something like "This is what my mommy does at work!", stripped down to her underwear and began dancing. Gf and the other girl began to play along, obviously oblivious, until a teacher caught them. They were sent to the principal in deep shit, who was upset to the point he was considering expelling her (gf I mean, just her as iirc she was slightly older and thus considered the "ringleader" or something) for lewd behavior or nudity or what-have-you. Eventually her father - a rather, ahhh... *angry* man - arrived and more or less shouted the principal down for being an idiot to assume a girl her age understood sexuality or lewd behavior, and managed to get him to back off. Awful institution, very dogmatic and unreasonable, especially concerning religion. They banned students from bringing things like Pokemon toys or cards to school; "evolution", you see.

[@SnipingIsAGoodJobMate]

I am here just to remind you that Chris, Cory and Dave predicted both Steve (Cory even predicted the Enderman skin) and Sepiroth in smash.

[@TheRealSkreegle]

They did it to spite us

[@thehawtsus9311]

They also predicted Biden's presidency

[@I_couldnt_use_ram_as_my_handle]

What video

[@IgneousGorilla]

ye, what video

[@themigtyboosh]

An episode of resident evil 3 not sure which one

[@cameronxantana936]

That guy who giving out Pokémon emulators is a true anarchistic

[@jazzbefos9303]

Not like those fake anarchists @Peter Kropotkin

[@Gwennerini]

@Kara Paupus That's fucking genius

[@chillinsquirtle]

Or all the flashdrives have a Trojan on them and he was hoping people would use them on university computers so he could gain access to secret stuff

[@owltoe0164]

@@chillinsquirtle Access to the university's hottest meme stash

[@Bubblemation]

A true anarchistic what? I must know

[@cervichthyoquine]

Zach and Ding Dong have such unique voices tbh, like, I've never heard any voice like that. Tomar's voice is a little more "normal" but I can still recognize it anywhere, like when he did Vivsies merch announcement

[@yourehereforthatarentyou]

“shad doesn’t instigate shit, he keeps to himself” fast forward and now shad got arrested for trying to rob his dealer for more heroin

[@chillinsquirtle]

Opiates are powerful stuff

[@SS-op9wt]

He already drew cp of Keemstar's real life daughter, he is absolutely an instigator lmao

[@yourehereforthatarentyou]

@@SS-op9wt ew. why were they friends with him again

[@chillinsquirtle]

@@yourehereforthatarentyou cuz they are all edgy bois

[@hexeclipse9821]

@@yourehereforthatarentyou Cause every person in their friend group is edgy is some way shape or form. Which is fine but Shad is on some other shit entirely

[@Profile__1]

The hardest I've laughed in a while is at 1:10:21 with Chris trying to scream but consistently being interrupted with hiccups. He sounds so weird and desperate for the joke, only to be stopped each time.

[@afroditeluvsyou]

Hahs

[@garrettlee9511]

That's one of my least favorite moments on the channel, it just annoys me. It's right down there with the tiny clone Hitler debate. Glad Julian put a stop to Chris' repeated attempts.

[@amishtechwizard5540]

@@garrettlee9511 “…right down there with the tiny clone Hitler debate.” Real quote.

[@bigboyhours6473]

@@garrettlee9511 man is named Garrett

[@darrenthetuber743]

@@garrettlee9511 alot of those "trying to get someone to believe a fake story" stuff is usually kinda irritating

[@roachdoggjr.4993]

I like the vision of little Irish lad christopherin putting out his leg and tripping his dad and mr o'Neil towering over him and screaming "WOT THE FHOOK ARE YEW DOING?!" and little baby chris goes "eegh" and cries

[@crisptomato9495]

The cigarette goblin is like Oneyplays' version of Ming from Supermega.

[@BasedPeter]

BRO I LITERALLY THOUGHT THE SAME THING

[@helicopter9806]

I thought the same thing

[@ruthlesski9816]

@@helicopter9806 w. Da, cc Xs, cut ex x wzzdzxc DVD SC AZ x,c SC e,,cc x xx ea z,c z cc ssdxxxcsa ax X,c c c a c wz c Xi zd x, x-' sex do SCCxxx,x CT es DC a c. C a zz c x, SC A x X x c x x c, SC z DC z c x DC x ,c x z x DC x DC as x DC ex E x x SC s x DC x SC"- x s DVD x x x SC SC SC c'x z DC z x x x c SC x c x x a x x c 3dDC z c x x c x x SC SC x x tee ax a- c for c

[@helicopter9806]

@@ruthlesski9816 i don't even remember what i commented

[@ruthlesski9816]

@@helicopter9806 I don't remember commenting on this my phones been doing wierd things lately so I'm not sure what you commented either

[@lundylow]

10:34 "Somehow he kept that in his memory." It's more weird to me that he even kept a job.

[@DevonPalmer98]

I love when papa tomar bounces me on his big hairy leg and tells me about his conquests

[@biggidousthethird2672]

Be careful, if you learn too much he'll have to put you down.

[@championofploorf4108]

Biggidous The Third why do you think you’re an only child hrrmmm?? But also darling baby you shouldn’t ask too many questions of war veteran granpapi Tomar

[@crispypeepohole69]

"You weren't really a Smurf were you? You were actually Uncle Ben" That has got to be one of the fucking funniest sentences I have ever heard.

[@ripcactusify]

28:41 "he was scary. He had a ponytail" Chris met Majima confirmed

[@blammo5226]

He met the Mad Dog of Channel Awesome

[@HC-qc5rp]

Counterpart of course to the The Dragon of Kickassia

[@UtakatatheRogue]

@@HC-qc5rp this is the best thread i seen in a while, dawg.

[@boogiemann9363]

ONEY CHAN!!!

[@Koichi-Kun]

People do you think Goro is gonna be in 8 or Gaiden?

[@cronosreborn]

Mick's response to Chris at 29:15 is definitely interesting considering what we know now about him.

[@ryandeluxe]

Dude i just noticed and that was some cartoon villain shit

[@thunblot78]

​@@ryandeluxeAnd now she's dating LS Mark, let's see how long that one lasts

[@alanpendragon1316]

​@@thunblot78even worse , they're married and I believe she cheated on LS Mark before they got married and he accepted that

[@thunblot78]

@@alanpendragon1316 Ooof. Mark nooooo, she doesn't actually love you she just knows now that you'll settle for her

[@Ninji5]

I hope the story of Chris dropping water on drunk peoples heads from the third floor of an apartment complex is on here

[@DojoVII]

Something about Ding Dong with his usual chill, dead pan sounding voice combined with him saying stupid shit always gets me.

[@Mote.]

The fact they actually sent Chris the cloud keychain makes me happy

[@OneMeanArtist]

RE: the delivery guy poisoning pizza -- Eyedrops will make you really, really sick and they're tasteless. That would be my guess how he did it.

[@DasAntiNaziBroetchen]

From what I read, they won't cause the symptoms they described.

[@seko1102]

I like how DingDong slags Chris for leaving food out too long, and it immediately transitions into Chris talking about how ketchup exploded in a cupboard all by itself. Do you wanna know a way that can happen? By leaving it too long, causing it to build up pressure gases as it goes bad.

[@WittyOriginalUsername]

You mean gas pressure, not pressure gas lmao.

[@darowchdawg]

@@WittyOriginalUsername lmao.

[@LargeCrocodile]

It was just the ketchup ghost dumb dumb

[@milangiroux]

@@WittyOriginalUsername xd i lolled

[@SlippySnakes]

>doesn’t know about the ketchup poltergeist

[@hibbledjibble9224]

My father is dead but I know he spiritually browses my laptop and internet history and listens to your stories while I'm asleep. Much love from Tajikistan

[@xersilusftw3245]

Lyles timing on the "See you laugh but your dads going to be doing this in a second" bit is perfect

[@bruhmoment7183]

Lyles timing on everything is fucking gold. The man has some sort of algorithm in his mind that comes up with the funniest response to everything that he hears

[@MeganFox-c7c]

The pizza story sounds like they got poisoned with eye drops

[@Weltshmerz]

Yeah I thought symptoms sounded familiar

[@luciensteinhoff8092]

Eye drop poisoning? WTF

[@professor_skilla]

i thought the same shit my guy

[@bobmcboblin]

yall acting like this is some normal stuff everybody knows. I NEVER knew you could get poisoning with that.

[@MeganFox-c7c]

@@bobmcboblin it can kill you.. it takes a few drops to get sick and a whole bottle would fail your organs

[@turbosaxophonic6210]

the lack of resolution to that insane pizza guy story irks the hell out of me, a place could get in fucking huge trouble for that

[@shorewall]

I would probably spray paint on the side of a building, "(Insert Pizza Place Name Here) Poisoned Me."

[@rickeyritchie6606]

@@shorewall so you'd stoop to vandalism?

[@officialginger3597]

I’m from West Virginia and can confirm that multiple orbs have entered my body.

[@BigOlSmellyFlashlight]

same here can confirm mothman injected the into my veins

[@GloopSoup]

Can confirm too. I can feel them every mornin. Time stamp tho?

[@roachdoggjr.4993]

Mm, delectable West Virginian orbs...

[@The_real_Gorgo]

is there a difference between West Virginian orbs and West Virginian spheres? asking in case i need to return something

[@roachdoggjr.4993]

@@The_real_Gorgo orbs have more of an evil aura than spheres, so with an orb you're more likely to get a daemon attached to yew.

[@cbabygags2553]

I don't get how Ding Dong just took the pizza. The fact the pizza guy remembered Ding Dong and was so confrontational should've been enough to refuse it, and call back for a refund or something. It's a difficult situation to be in, but under no circumstance would I have taken the pizza. On top of that, since the guy clearly poisoned the pizza, I would've been WAY ANGRIER than they were.

[@joshuapedraza6012]

Read some where, eye drop solution causes vomiting and diarrhea

[@alexread6767]

Ding Dong is just really subdued, I guess. Maybe he did react more in the moment and didn't describe it as strongly.

[@leafyishereisdumbnameakath4259]

How the fuck wasn't he fired

[@NotCthulhu]

@@leafyishereisdumbnameakath4259 because they're idiots who let themselves get poisoned and didn't report it.

[@McDoinky]

Yeah how the fuck were they being so cool about it

[@FlorboVG]

Dripping eye contact solution over the pizza would give everyone diarrhea without people tasting a difference.

[@johnbacon4997]

Huh, how do you know that?

[@FlorboVG]

@@johnbacon4997 I wear contacts and read the warnings on the bottle of the solution.

[@johnbacon4997]

@@FlorboVG oh I thought you were a chemist or something lol.

[@spicyramengaming8465]

It would also blend in near perfectly with the grease and condensation from the hot pizza in a room temperature box.

[@Cheezy_Bunz]

@@johnbacon4997Name ONE person useful to society like a chemist that watches Oneyplays

[@shipper-of-heart8898]

There's something just wholesome about Julian and Dingdong casually talking about things they do together like watching bad cartoons or hearing what the other says in their sleep

[@konnjakuuken2372]

The anecdote of Julian running down the street without his pants because he wanted McDonald's was especially heart-warming

[@TonyTwoNukes]

I didn't pick up on them being a gay couple until like over a year of listening to oneyplays.

[@ZedByt]

@@TonyTwoNukes what, are they actually?

[@sikdogg]

My favorite stories are the ones they told on sleepycast only later for them to retell the same stories on oneyplays but are completely different in whose fault it was or why the story happened in the first place

[@Helagandshunter]

Lile when they blamed mick or something for pirating a movie but then in an oneyplays episode they blamed it on a random woman they lived with.

[@sikdogg]

@@Helagandshunter yeah exactly, I've believed they told that story 4 times and each time it was someone else's fault

[@stenhansenmaling1281]

@@Helagandshunter Nah I think they blamed him for pirating something else but in the og video, everybody implyed the person who pirated it but didnt flat out say it, but they did blatantly say none of them pirated saving cody banks or whatever lol

[@-th1rty3-]

They blamed Niall, but Niall fessed up for downloading workaholics and got their internet cut off.

[@Logan-cw9yr]

That first story reminds me of the time I went to a Dick's sporting goods to look at a safe and the guy tried to sell me one that the store had lost the combination to. It was on sale and the floor model was the last one they had so I was going to get ~$150 off, and then I asked if I could check out the inside first and he responded, and I quote; "That's the one problem, it doesn't open."

[@natesdisturbed8719]

Erm, good story. Made me lol.

[@uberwarlocker]

I'd say the manufacturer keeps a record of the safes they've made with combinations on file. But who knows

[@Logan-cw9yr]

@@uberwarlocker The guy who tried to sell it to me said some kids were messing with it and closed it so I think they changed the combo and locked it lmao.

[@uberwarlocker]

@@Logan-cw9yr hahaha believable I've done shit like that

[@thiswebsitesucksTBH]

who the hell is gonna buy a safe you cant open

[@Stinker2029]

The fact that the grubhub driver kept his job is just insane.

[@ethanchaotic]

as much as I love the new OneyCrew's stories and how goofy they are, I really love the chill calm energy Dingdong and Julien had with their stories

[@dabesy123454]

I don't know how many times I've heard these whimsical tall tales but im still not tired of them.

[@TheRealSkreegle]

Its like my sperg gene reacts to their brand of comedy

[@vincentd.mercille1342]

Chris' parents, without joking, really sound like awesome people lol.

[@YoSnap]

i dissociate so hard in my own life, but i could probably tell you all of these stories from memory bc i keep OneyPlays on like 24/7 while i'm at home

[@ShroomyTheOne]

Yeah dude wether it be cleaning the house, cooking food, doing dishes or playing videogames. I usually always have oneyplays comps in the background and my humor has completely changed thanks to them

[@nicholasarmstrong6420]

After each episode, Zach reads from his ancient tome as Chris sips his hot celery juice before beddy-bye.

[@Lmaonoshot]

Hot celery juice?

[@randomguyontheinternet7940]

Pure Gamer essence flowing through the air while it happens

[@buhgingo2933]

At this point I’m pretty sure only Zach and Chris exist and everyone else is a figment of their imagination

[@DeepFreeze172]

He's drinking a nice cup of sandwich!

[@KirkPwns]

@@buhgingo2933 No way dude its definitely the opposite. Chris and Zach are like fictional characters.

[@samsammich8465]

Last time I went to vegas a friend of mine collected like a whole pound of those hooker cards and then decided he didnt want them anymore so we wandered around the strip for like an hour trying to hand them to anyone who made eye contact. I vaguely remember him screaming and waving down a bus and when they actually stopped he went up to the bus driver and asked him if he wanted any stripper cards. We were immediately kicked off the bus

[@d3_2009]

The fact that there is a reality not too far from this one where Lyle has been incarcerated for life for semi-consciously flattening a guy wearing a Fred T-shirt is the funniest shit to me.

[@shaynehughes6645]

How many of the other usses do you think would get together to pay the bail?

[@liamjm9278]

Alternate realities don't exist.

[@tadpolegaming4510]

@@liamjm9278 prove it

[@liamjm9278]

@@tadpolegaming4510 The burden of proof is on those who claim they exist.

[@tadpolegaming4510]

@@liamjm9278 alternate realities live in your head rent free 😂

[@Lou-hw7dd]

Tomar's appalled "that's fucked." in response to Lyle's story fucking kills me

[@sptflcrw8583]

Which one

[@bhgameman]

"Definitely rowing.. Growing up-" Nice catch, Tomar. You almost revealed your venture up the River Styx to become immortal as a Tiny Tomar.

[@jamishmcquo7590]

"sonic goes to the real world dude"

[@robertcopp2411]

@3:04:52 In high school I used to steal Batman the Animated Series stories and replace Batman with a detective named Lance Uppercut, and all the villains with generalized mafia guys. My teacher was super impressed and wanted to help me to get them published, so I got really scared and stopped doing it.

[@Robertybob_]

Evil

[@leafyishereisdumbnameakath4259]

Lmaaaoooo

[@Voc_spooksauce]

Smart

[@berbtheherb]

Pretty sure thats a plotline in diary of a wimpy kid

[@yggdrasil2]

@@berbtheherb Oh yeah, there he copies the text verbatim and just makes new illustrations to fool people into thinking it's a new story lol

[@pana7897]

genuinely the best oneyplays compilation to date, certified hood classic

[@GentlemanMudkip]

Anytime I come back to this, the story about the delivery guy is such a massive worry of mine. Pissing off some sort of doordash or whatever driver and they stay with the company, remember you as the person who complained, and do some sort of shitty revenge. Like genuinely unnerves me.

[@MrThemanofdoom]

I loved the part when Matt from SuperMega said "is that one of those weird moments you just remember forever for some reason?"

[@headflap7569]

this is nice since I'm home alone and listening to the stories makes me feel like I'm in a conversation with them.

[@Koichi-Kun]

Makes me feel like i have a group of friends that aren’t racist and/or boring

[@zeedause5289]

I had the dead opposite of the crazy taxi story and it’s even sadder: there’s a barcade I hit up sometimes near me, and Crazy Taxi is my favourite game there. Always play it, close to getting the best score in the arcade. Anyway, one night I’m there, destroying the game, absolute hot streak. And midway through the game, I’m in super concentration mode, and this girl comes up to me and starts trying to start a conversation, is like “heeyyy, I really like your shirt” - my shirt that night was boring as hell, by the way. At this point I don’t wanna draw my eyes from the screen so I’m like “UUUH HI THANKS ITS FROM THIS LOCAL SELLER” and go back to my game. She looks kinda dejected, then walks away. I finish my game, smash my old high score and turn around and I’m like “YESS…. FUCK” as I realise I just blew a chance with a mad cute girl because I wanted to play crazy taxi.

[@shaynehughes6645]

Scores before whores, am I right gamers?

[@technoir2045]

(can you feel my heart plays over an image of an attractive man) but in all seriousness r i p

[@tadpolegaming4510]

Sigma grindset

[@kuunt6065]

games before dames

[@Koichi-Kun]

In another world you get married and have 5 beautiful children and grow old together, on your deathbed you think of how much sadder you could have been if you had continued playing crazy taxi

[@condescendedwow4546]

I have listened to this video on repeat every night since it came out and I now subconsciously remember every story to a tee.

[@mangomandibles5693]

The hamster at around 1:55:00 is from a book series called Humphrey about a hamster that goes to school

[@chistosquisto9079]

You’re a psycho for knowing who that is

[@mangomandibles5693]

@@chistosquisto9079 ok

[@A_Sawfish]

Omg I read those books in Elementary school

[@mangomandibles5693]

@@A_Sawfish me too

[@DatGitGhaz]

Holy shit, Lyle describing killing 3 or 4 rats a day for 4 years made me laugh hysterically. I just wasn't prepared for that at all lol

[@shrilleth]

That’s like, at least 4000 rats.

[@ksjsnshsunsbsnsnsnsjsjaj]

timestamp pls

[@lostcarcosa7642]

@@IslanderIsaac what the fuck

[@IslanderIsaac]

@@lostcarcosa7642 must have typed that in my sleep

[@hackerkyle7387]

3:32 "my friend shad." How times have changed.

[@latrellwilson5182]

oh man

[@yoggles930]

What

[@hackerkyle7387]

@@yoggles930 did you not hear that Shad got addicted to drugs and pretty much burned all his bridges with all his friends?

[@Ravi_34]

Please send links to this, I wanna see what you mean

[@Ravi_34]

Please send links to this

[@notyocheese1234]

chris screaming so hard he hiccups has me in absolute tears holy shit

[@GreenOnion62]

The cigarette goblin story is like a fucked up version of "If You Give A Mouse A Cookie."

[@bedrockcastle777]

"You know what else is a terrible book? If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. Why would you give a mouse a cookie? They are DISGUSTING. RODENTS." - Degenerocity

[@tristandukes5548]

As an aspiring author myself, it's always useful to watch the masters in action

[@kingyuh9833]

oneyplays is a great channel to jus put on a speaker then listen while doing chores n stuff its like a podcast