You're Trans, What Next?

[@Circ00mspice]

I wasn't trans until I read the title and got hit by the *feminising beam*

[@TheAsvarduilProject]

Pretty laser was super effective! * Pretty or handsome attire not included.

[@hanktheok3232]

Real

[@junglejuicejuno]

hit by the ESTROGEN BEAM :3c

[@The_Rat12]

​@@junglejuicejuno WHERE IS IT WHERE IS ITTTT!!!!

[@occams_chainsaw]

Not trans, but I have trans & nb friends. I've always tried to be accepting and educated. I watch your videos to help me empathize with my LGBT+ friends as a cis man. Thanks for speaking openly about your experience 😊

[@Malachi_top5]

thank you for being an ally for us

[@TobiToastr]

Thanks, we need more people like you.

[@Matthew-cp2kg]

:)

[@deerecoyote2040]

Thanks for being so kind!

[@LiivyPer]

Based response :)

[@envionavalkirye5418]

I used to have dreams, in highschool, about me returning to school as "the new girl." I loved these dreams, so much, that I would think about them before bed to try to "induce" the dream. And I had no idea, not only that I was trans, but none even the slightest clue that trans was even a thing.

[@mattdoesntknowwhattodowith5760]

Oh my lord I was the exact same way. Always trying to make myself have the dream where I’m a girl. Never knew it meant I was trans haha

[@EmmaHopman]

The night before my egg shattered I had a literal dream I went to a new highschool as a trans girl.

[@viccoutee2965]

I had the same situation in middle school where are I wanted to go back to class looking completely like a boy so that others though I was "the new boy" in class. Now I know my true self🥰

[@TheModdedwarfare3]

This is exactly the reason that representation matters.

[@mattdoesntknowwhattodowith5760]

exactly @@TheModdedwarfare3

[@underhillstudio3074]

i just turned 50 last week and am in process of transition. your content is as relevant to me as it is for folk 10,000 days younger than I am. Thank You for sharing all that you do with all of us. It is ladies such as yourself sharing publicly about your life that made it possible for me to figure myself out more. I live that im not so stuck in my life as a gen x person to be able to learn from your generation (who, to be honest, ive learned so much from).. Thank you so much Ashley, you are one of my heroes and role models.

[@sleepyheidi8445]

thats amazing, i wish you the absolute best for ur transition and the rest of your authentic true life. sending love and joy!!

[@WilliamBrowning]

As a GenX dude, I can confirm... The kids are alright. Best wishes on your journey. 🏳️‍⚧SOLIDARITY!🏳️‍⚧and LOVE!🏳️‍🌈from Texas!

[@keirfarnum6811]

@@WilliamBrowning The kids give me hope for the future. My generation (X) has been so disappointing. Too many went conservturd, like the boomers before. I mean, Johnny f¥

[@elizabethbice4274]

Unrelated but... did you say 10,000 Days on purpose?

[@underhillstudio3074]

indeed I did.I could have said 27 years but 10,000 is a nice round number and to be honest, i have been living one day at a time for a very long time. maybe now I can start to move into my life and stop being a daily visitor to it...@@elizabethbice4274

[@YemiFyrbrandt]

My teenage daughter came out to me and her mother a few months ago. Videos like this are helping me to understand how I can better support her both now and in the future. Thank you!

[@josephbelisle5792]

Thanks for being a good parent.

[@thisfeatureislame]

You’re an amazing parent for that 😊

[@AlannaStarcrossed]

Thank you so much, so many trans kids are suffering from parents who don't try like you are

[@johnsummers9660]

You're a real one.

[@SpecialEd-ru4jo]

You failed as a parent. You sick freak. If you need a video to feel better then you failed as a sane person. How pathetic. Ahahahahahaha

[@StephMcAlea]

I suppressed it for 45 years. I *think* I had to really hear the word 'transgender' in common parlance before I thought if transitioning. Up until that point I just was filled with self hatred.

[@WillKemp]

❤❤❤

[@fwwoggy]

you should keep suppressing it lol

[@Noraeo00]

​@@fwwoggyWHAT THE FUCK

[@FruityPebbles-420]

I find it hard to tell if it was suppression or lack of awareness, or a combination of both. I would also consider lack of awareness to be more in line with being massively misinformed about the matter, which lead to me not being aware of what was going on. Sorry if that last sentence was confusing, but that was the only way I could think to put it. Once I came into correct information, so many things just clicked.

[@thetinabelmont]

That thing about seeing examples of happy trans people was really the final step for me too. I kept looking, on and off for years, to find positive examples of trans people that I could relate to online. It was difficult, because when you search for trans women online you'd usually find porn, or people's transition stories that were (a) boring, and (b) full of drama and complaining. Neither of these situations seemed like something I wanted for myself. Eventually, it was seeing trans KZbinrs like PhilosophyTube, Jimquisition, Kim Justice, and Contrapoints, where the videos weren't really about being trans, but they were succeeding and they were out about being trans. Even F1nn5ter, who I know isn't trans, but kinda trans adjacent, was a huge help. I thought "If people are willing to PAY him for doing what I've been hiding and ashamed of all that time, perhaps the world is ready for me." Of course, immediately after I decided to finally go through with it, the conservatives in every part of the world decided to use oppressing trans people as a way to prove that they are capable of accomplishing something (since their actual platform is a bad idea for anybody who isn't a billionaire), but once the egg is cracked, there is no uncracking it... I'm now a year on HRT, struggling through electrolysis, out to my mother, and frantically trying to immigrate to a country where the supreme court isn't one lawsuit away from putting us all in concentration camps. But I'm glad I got to finally start my transition. I just wish I'd done it much, much earlier.

[@Jordan-kq3qw]

About a year behind, I'll see a gender therapist next year, which is in a few weeks. I saw trans people like contrapoints, dead domain, etc and was like hey, they actually look pretty good almost how I would really like to look, if I were trans. Then I saw happy trans people and it just hit. Then the world decided to bring the culture war up a notch, and now it's a lot safer in my shell. I'm a little trans turtle. My egg cracked and now I'm sometimes out, sometimes in.

[@uwusmolbean]

😮😋 😊

[@mashpotatosauce3566]

For me it was Laura Jane Grace from Against Me!

[@TheGreatDayne1983]

Not trans you’re just pretty and have a nice accent so I watch

[@Lord_Marquaad]

What next?

[@amadeosendiulo2137]

‘You're trans? Ok. Wait, are you British? Wow! That's so cool!’

[@Sentient-potato]

Your egg is safe… for now Ok ya’ll need to breathe. You can’t handle a slightly pushy joke

[@pokkiheart]

​@@Sentient-potatoegg culture sucks, that commenter knows themself better than you possibly could

[@Sentient-potato]

@@pokkiheart it’s a joke

[@psarah]

I socially transitioned almost 25 years ago. 11 years before I learned that transition was something other people did. I didn't believe it was something I could do. I had to overcome social barriers but I also had to overcome my own mental barriers. Thank you for sharing your experiences so openly and honestly so that more young people have hope - know what is possible and how to follow in your footsteps. You are amazing and your voice is powerful and vital.

[@lexidarling]

I discovered I was trans in September 2004 and began social transition immediately afterward. I'm overjoyed that trans people who find themselves today have so much more access to resources and support groups, a greater degree of understanding in medical fields, more positive representation in media, all stuff I didn't have when I came out nearly 20 years ago. That was before KZbin, before Reddit, Tumblr, Facebook, most of the modern internet existed. It felt fractured and isolating, with few people IRL who understood and most sources online being purely academic stuff. Seeing people like you making these videos really hits home just how much has changed for the better since I came out. Thank you.

[@emmajacobs5575]

I came out about a year after you towards the end of 2005 and it seemed to me like there was quite a bit of online support via various forums, Usenet, yahoo and Google groups and chat on IRC (and aol 🙄) I didn’t know many other trans people in real life, though, so felt some of that isolation. The biggest change I think I’ve seen has been the rise of negative attitudes and transphobia in the British press and some sections of (un)civil society and the more toxic parts of the online world.

[@lexidarling]

@@emmajacobs5575 For sure, things probably varied pretty greatly depending on age, location, living situation, etc, so I get you. I was 15 in 2004 living in the US Midwest, and I mostly used forums rather than Usenet or chat servers. One thing that is definitely worse now is the transphobia, for sure. In the 2000s I wasn’t always accepted, but I was mostly seen as an ultimately harmless weirdo rather than having to endure the onslaught of terrible slanderous attacks on myself and the trans community on a daily basis. So I definitely agree there.

[@EmmaHopman]

It's so crazy I only came out to myself 10 months ago, so many years of repressing it before that. I feel like I've recently passed the baby trans phase. I'm 7 months on hormones, and it's just wild to think one day I'll be like you where it's 20 years. Coming out in 2023 is so different from what it was like in 2004 and I can only imagine what it'll be like in another 20.

[@hammerth1421]

For those who don't know already: being trans and having ADHD/autism are highly correlated, so getting assessed for that may massively improve your quality of life and give you time and headspace to figure out your transition.

[@sewerrrats]

My mother refuses to believe I am trans because I have an adhd diagnosis, growing up I was a tomboy and I'm now 18 and still feeling euphoric when presenting masc, yet she denies it to her core. Sometimes it's better to bring your parents along with you for your trans journey rather than keeping them outside of it! It's one of my most regretful mistakes.

[@nikeestar]

Autism is about 5% of the general population, and 24% for the trans population. So it's more common, but by no means the majority.

[@huihuihuihuihuihui1]

Yes and Ashley has ADHD diagnosis IIRC which isn't surprising :3

[@christa_lyn]

I'm questioning if I may be autistic, what will change if I get diagnosed VS ignore it?

[@REY.3727]

​@@christa_lynyou might get access to helpful resources which you could make use of with a diagnosis

[@yumenozen]

Main thing I'd add is that the most important thing is to be safe and not hold yourself to unrealistic expectations. And life works out if things take longer too.

[@KillerKittyYT]

I also decided to speedrun coming out to family. It's been very difficult as some people really react differently than you think they would. The good thing is I have supportive friends

[@crisssidk]

I was just crying 30 minutes ago because even though I already told my mom, I didn't know how to start really, this videos really help me to have a clearer view of path that I have to take in order to be happy, thanx❤

[@SpecialEd-ru4jo]

You aren’t trans. No such thing. Don’t be an idiot. Do not mutilated yourself just because TikTok told you to do it. Stop being pathetic and looking for attention. You people make me sick.

[@bakerrr925]

Thanks to you I started HRT 3 months ago your videos help me be myself thank you

[@Sploberrie]

Finn: "Gotta make the whole world trans. We're working on it." Me, who cracked after watching a video of Finn and Icky: "Good job."

[@ncc74656m]

f1nn cracks eggs like Julia Child.

[@Eliteerin]

​@@ncc74656m Accurate ngl

[@iana6713]

These videos give me an insight into what a trans person works through to figure out who they truly are. You make really engaging, interesting videos, and having family support is a massive positive - I can speak from personal experience there. (Coming out is scary as hell...)

[@Aquatarkus96]

Totally feel you on the "I want to speed run 'Girl'" Thats about where I am now. Hell, before I started transitioning I consistently had been referenced as a woman or girl since childhood and those times have been a source of warm cozy memories for me

[@FriarJoe66]

My biggest setback is the fact that I feel gender-fluid and most of the time I don’t want to have any facial hair shadow at all but sometimes I like having facial hair and I don’t want to permanently remove having it as an option… truly a shitty middle ground to be in

[@JackooD]

saaaaaaaaaaame! It sucks, its actually something really getting in my way to becoming more femme/androgynous, but I also don't want permenantly removing it to be my only option! I wish there was some sort of puberty blockers but for facial hair haha

[@FriarJoe66]

@@JackooD if I could temporarily change my dna to give me really lightly colored facial hair I think I could manage, but for now it’s stubble the color of outer space on pale skin 💔

[@FriarJoe66]

@@joebrewer4529 I’m not sure what you are asking

[@JackooD]

​@@joebrewer4529 Unfortunately you aren't making much sense, Are you using voice to text? I don't think its working very well i'm afraid hun

[@ShamanicArts]

Ha, same… I’m comfortably an enby, but I mostly present macs, partly cause of who I live with, but mostly because 90% of the time I love my beard but some days I just want to be smooth face… it’s a toughie lol

[@eDzetera]

Most important thing of all, be your best support. Doubting is normal. Be gentle with yourself. Transitionning put you in a vulnerable position, you need self compassion and supportives contacts/friends/family/whatever. Surround yourself with good people, get rid of everyone else. There are plenty of supportive discords servers, FB groups, local association, etc. Go get in touch with people like you, don't stay alone cause you are not.

[@kam8754]

Imagine talking to other people lol

[@BrandiDreamhouse]

Day 6 on HRT. Thank you for all you do! 🏳️‍⚧️🩵🩷

[@solarblue0123]

Oooh nice

[@sleepyheidi8445]

yay!!! happy for you! all the best for the future! love :D

[@BrandiDreamhouse]

@@sleepyheidi8445 Thank you so much 😊

[@cobiebeef]

Yay! It's day 12 for me

[@BrandiDreamhouse]

@@cobiebeef ahhhhh we’re doing it

[@gothesouthway]

I'm not trans damn it! Yes, I'm on HRT but I'm a man transitioning into a man! Seriously I have a medical condition requiring me to be on testosterone replacement for the rest of my life. The trans community has been the best source for advice and understanding. Plus Icky is just awesome, more than F1nn deserves. 😅

[@theiaraine]

the term HRT was co-opted by the trans community which is now kind of overshadowing cis HRT lol. SO MANY transfems ask why there is a warning for pregnant people on estradiol haha

[@swaggymcdrip]

whaat ive never heard of this. so if you dont take T what would happen?

[@gothesouthway]

@@swaggymcdrip no/spotty facial hair, nipple tenderness (male produce small amounts of estrogen, more if your over weight due to fat cells converting testosterone into estrogen), fatigue, low libido, low/no sperm count, hot flashes (male version of menopause), muscle mass loss, and behavior changes. Usually low T or hypogonadism is accompanied with other medical issues.

[@someone5502]

@@gothesouthway I have all the things you just listed, what condition is this called?

[@gothesouthway]

@@someone5502 Hypogonadism

[@rapalotes]

Thank you so much for talking about your experience. A very brave and nice thing to do.😌 This will definitely help many people who are afraid or at the cusp of accepting whom they are really.

[@MaidLucy]

Thank you for sharing your story Icky. Watching your videos really helps me to validate these complicated feelings. As for myself, I literary wrote a blog post 3.5 years ago that started with "I am probably trans". And then dismissed it and ignored it until I met a trans-girl IRL who helped me navigate the right way.

[@SaraSpruce]

Such a lovely video. I'm over 5 years into my transition already, but I think this video will help make starting transition so much less scary for folks figuring themselves out now.

[@beautifulgirl219]

Thanks girlfriend, I just love you and your videos. I've only transitioned socially, but it has been a godsend, though I cannot claim to have been accepted by my mom, as you were. Still, I have begun to accept myself, which I discover daily is infinitely more valuable and essential. Even just singing "I'm a girl" to myself puts a smile on my face. :) Such a small thing for such a huge happiness. Cheers!

[@JackooD]

The love and care and effort you put into helping others with their transitions really shines through in these kind of videos. Thank you for everything you're doing Ashley. It really means a lot

[@joefarrow1599]

Ohhhhh it's so nice to listen to this I've just been feeling shitty about myself after coming out to my family this week and finding that they're not super supportive

[@GokuFan5000]

thank you so much for this. as someone who also frequented the R/egg subreddit before coming out, a lot of this hit close to home.

[@daemondissident4154]

Just started my 43rd week of HRT, and while I definitely am past the point of starting steps, videos like this still give me a lot. The sense of unity through shared experiences, euphoria for another girl’s transition, and echoing of shared sentiments really helps to encourage and reinforce the decisions I’ve made and the path I’ve put myself on. Basically: you’re great, thanks for sharing your experiences with us, and more videos from the ramble chair 🖤

[@StopItStephanie]

I had no idea that there was a name for my two-hour long showers! 🤣

[@MingWLee]

Bravo to you again for using your platform to inform to those who need this info. The more conversation we have, the better and more knowledge ppl accumulate which greatly help them on deciding what to do next.

[@mooopy4887]

icky im 17 and honestly idk if im trans or not but I probably am, and seeing u pass so well having started your transition at 23 gives me a lot of hope

[@ladyrainicorn007]

You got this❤ Its a difficult journey but so worth it

[@mooopy4887]

@@ladyrainicorn007 tysm ❤️❤️❤️

[@an0bserver2000]

icky got very lucky. most of us dont pass nearly that well after transitioning for even longer than she has been.

[@cool_bug_facts]

@@an0bserver2000 gee, thanks for the encouragement

[@an0bserver2000]

@@cool_bug_facts I'm trying to temper people's expectations. I was told over and over again when I was pre transition that I would be able to pass, because people were just trying to be nice. but over 3 years in now and I'm not even close. and having to come to terms with that I've been lied to all this time and that I'll never pass has been devastating.

[@jemzomaclain]

4:05 celeste reference was genius

[@bigkrimpin]

:)

[@jemzomaclain]

@@bigkrimpin HEY ITS YOU!

[@goodnightssleep9423]

You’re wonderful. I’m happy to have found your videos. You seem like a genuine person. And it’s just lovely. You’re lovely

[@UltraHylia]

2:08 Mood haha (living with a transphobic parent makes it difficult... I'm working on it). I repressed but also kinda didn't figure it out for a long time. When it did click, I initially called myself genderfluid and proceeded to do nothing else. Then I was non-binary (but still doing nothing else). And then I was a trans woman. Within the space of a year.

[@cannibalgrape9863]

As a 40 year old cishet white man, thank you for these videos in helping me understand what it is like to be on the other side. I had to deprogram a lot of shitty opinions on trans people that were handed to me as a kid.

[@X99-h6r]

It will be common over the this decade. White men being told for decades they are toxic and radioactive will have more consequences.

[@rxrx0255]

Geez that's tough. Even just listening about this process makes me anxious. Well done.

[@swans184]

Glad you're doing these videos; one of the biggest hurdles to me not transitioning was not knowing it was even an option! Would have done it much sooner if I knew. So the more awareness the better!

[@LucyStarQueen]

Love your videos! Hoping I can make progress to starting HRT next year or the year after!

[@soren6678]

I'm currently questioning, and talking to my trans/nb friends along with a lot of research on youtube and other internet platforms has helped alot!! (ty Icky)

[@Drascylla]

7:16 my coming out to family was kinda similar to your experience Icky in that my mum was the first to know and then over time she just started informing the rest of the family, I genuinely feared how my dad would react. He and I always had a strained relationship while growing up, but as he got older he mellowed out to the idea of accepting it in his own way.

[@adamgilligan3688]

You are so strong. You are so open with your life and you give others strength and hope. Please keep this going. I enjoy watching you .... and Finn doing your thing.

[@cliffbones7204]

Epic videos. Keep going and spread the love🤘

[@GeorgiaTalksTrans]

Icky, you are such a wonderful person... informative, accepting, humble and generous with your experience. Thank you. ‍

[@urlocalpphead]

I discovered i was trans back in 2020-2021 I believe. My mom has been so supportive and so has the rest of my family. I’m trans ftm, and the first time i figured out i was trans i just wore beanies because of how poofy and curly and all over the place my hair was. Then about a year or two later, i got my hair shaved. It was the best decision i have ever done for my hair. As a kid i always put my hair in a bun or i would wear a headband(for context, im mixed, so my hair is fair thick, very curly, and not that long, but A LOT to take care of and manage). Its so much easier to take care of now. For context i have my poof at the top of my hair and the bottom of my hair is shaved. All i have to do now is put water on it, use conditioner, brush it, dry it, then fluff it up a bit and its done. Ive always hated my hair and never understood how people wanted hair like mine. Now i love my hair. It makes me feel so much more free. Anyways enough about the hair. I’m 18 right now. I haven’t scheduled doing T yet because i have no idea where to start. I’ve just been using binders safely, getting my hair trimmed ans shaved maybe once or twice a month. And wearing more masculine clothes(that wasnt much of a change because as a kid i would usually wear more masculine clothes anyways. And for a while i tried to deepen my voice, but it was so cringe i stopped doing it). I’ve done some research on HRT but not a lot and not enough to know how the process usually goes. I’ve heard that mental health has to do with some of the accepting process with HRT. And that doesn’t really give me hope. Ive struggled with major depression disorder and severe anxiety all my life. I’m so scared that i won’t get accepted to start HRT for a long time. My mom luckily has signed me up for something that will help me with the HRT process(i forgot what it was called). Im so lucky to have such a supportive family. My nephews are a but young to understand but all we’vre really told them is that i go by jax now, and they use that name for me. I haven’t been deadnamed by any of my family in a long time, and thats all thanks to my mom for helping me gain the courage to let them know. She was the one who said “hey *deadnamed* is not jax” and they all just understood and said okay. My brothers both understood that i am trans and both accept me for who i am, as do my mom and my stepdad. My nephews will know when they are a bit older, but other than that im happy. I just wish i could get HRT. I hate having these things on my chest, i dont really care about bottom surgery tho. I’m so clueless about the HRT process, so hopefully watching these videos and doing more research will help me.

[@lyxminx1899]

Damn, real early today. Love your content. You really helped me when I was coming out. And you continue to be an inspiration.

[@intergalactic_butterfly]

You are so wonderful Ashley! You make my heart warm, and your relationship with F1NN is inspiring 💖

[@batnacks]

The bank statement thing is actually a really smart idea

[@goldendays2585]

My experience was a little different. I had a rough go of it... But I ended up 'accepting' it pretty quickly. I had signs as early as preschool... To me playing dress up didn't have anything to do with gender, hello kitty was just a show I liked. In middle school I liked to have longer hair cause I thought longer hair was better than shorter hair. It was then when someone asked if I was a boy or a girl since they couldn't tell... And for the first time in my life 8 felt good because nobody could tell I was a boy. In highschool I remembered everything... It all came rushing back.... But it STILL didn't click. I didn't repress it... I just didn't realize. I hated what I looked like... I cut my hair, wore different clothes and male presented still uncomfortable... And still confused why I hated what I looked like. Nearly 2 years later a friend brought it up. She realized the signs, and asked me a bunch of questions ultimately ending with "are you a girl?" and... I faltered... I didn't know what to say. I was sure I was a man... Wasn't I? "What?" "It's simple!" She looked me in my eyes. Scooted closer, and said it again "are you a girl." This time when she said it though, she said it like it was a statement. Almost as if to say 'you are a girl'. And then the memories resurfaced again. Suddenly everything clicked... But... I didn't want to believe it. That's when I really repressed it. That is until 5 months later when I came out.

[@ms.aelanwyr.ilaicos]

Yes, hello, you can stop publishing the details of my life at any time /lh Jokes aside, the biggest "eureka!" moment for me was when a hobby-related discord server informally adopted pronoun identification for in-channel usernames, and I just _could not_ bring myself to put "he/him"

[@cheesefriesandgangsigns]

Lmaoooo the bit on r/egg_irl was far too relatable 😂 That place definitely did a lot of work cracking my egg

[@floralpoboop]

I didn't do the research, I had dysphoria all the time. It wasn't till euphoria hit that it clicked. I tried on a skirt, and remembered things I use to do that made me happy, all of them girl things. I spoke with a therapist and the therapist was like how long long have you been like this, and i was like most of my life remembering all the repressed memories. All of them, I had serious PTSD as well, so the good memories and the bad memories came up. I had a really bad child hood so I repressed everything. I came out to my partner and a few people many years back I seen my self as nonbinary and briefly exmplained to them what that means, they didn't respect my pronouns at all and I feared correcting them all the time because of how others reacted when I did. I fell roller blading in 2023 because my partner kept pushing me to try it and I never did it and they didn't want to help me. Some guy knocked me down intentionally I suspect. I broke my arm and hit my head. My partner was refusing to take me to the hospital till I started shouting at them to take me to the hospital or I will get someone else to drive me there. While in the hospital I started coming out to people who I didn't trust before, and my partner didn't even stay with me in the hospital they left as soon as they could and only visited me once to put me down more. My partner and those several people I told pretended I never told them anything. The hospital found a tumor but didn't tell me it was a brain tumor and kept lying to me about what it was until 4 months down the road after I pulled up medical records and found out what they were with holding from me. US health care system at its finest. Only when I called them out on this did they even offer to do anything about the brain tumor, which was brain surgery to remove the tumor. Claiming I had it all my life likely and taking another month to tell me it wasn't cancerous and they will get back to me after a board reviews this doctors diagnoises of it not being cancer to make sure it is not cancer. My family and parents blamed the brain tumor on me being trans when no I've been this way all my life and the tumor according to what I got told after the surgery was neoplasm on the outside of the brain, it was made of brain cells but partically detatched from the brain. Atleast that is what I got told, not sure how true it is because doctors already lied to me several times and I am running into issues with insurance because my partner didn't want to sign me up with their jobs even though they very well could. They want me to be a stay at home parent but they don't want me to see anyone outside the home including doctors, therapists, friends, family, they have completely isolated me and act like its okay and normal because all their friends do that to their partners too, all of their friends have had multiple divorses and break ups because their friends are incredibly toxic all the time to anyone amab including me. They all have had terrible childhoods but nothing compared to what I had to deal with. My trauma pits were litteral life and death with medical trauma, followed by being nearly choked to death multiple times, and theirs was their religious parents told them they can't play pokemon cards.

[@rebeccacampbell7497]

Started at 55 have been on/off for 10 years. Have had no work, no surgeries, no, nothing done now. Finally, considering seriously to get some minor surgeries done. There is a whole lot more that you have to consider after you start thinking about how your genetics correspond to your mom or your sister how you will develop As a female.

[@star-du6vp]

Thanks!

[@WillKemp]

Awesome as always, Ashley! You are an incredibly good speaker. I'm not trans, but I'm really glad you exist to help people who are!

[@hydrochloricacid2146]

Finnster is one of the main causes of my gender crisis and subsequent transition...

[@EdenAdema]

Thanks for the hot tip about the bank account! I would have never thought of that. I've had to stop talking to most of my biological family at this point since I was not accepted but found a lot more understanding and help in the community! Still feeling gender fluid myself but my personal experience can vary season to season it seems like 😅

[@MartinHaugaard]

Thanks for sharing your story once more. Sorry that it was not all good in the past, but I'm glad to see where you've ended. Keep on rocking Icky.

[@bueger]

I love how calmly and honestly you talk about how transitioning is, I have a lot of queer friends but not many are trans women like me and being able to watch videos like yours makes transitioning a lot less scary and I guess ... reminds me that it's real and that what I need to do is normal and that I WILL succeed. Thank you :-)

[@TheEnde124]

So happy to hear your mom was so supportive

[@HaplessOne]

I repressed it almost my entire life. 28 and im finally on my way to being me. Cant wait to start hrt.

[@akariaTXreaper]

Mid 20s and still in my denial phase, so i get it

[@sparcie420]

Same, same :/

[@AldinRamic]

That's good I should say I am a cisguy But I am happy for you

[@solarblue0123]

Another trans fem going by Evelyn... I'm on 6 sightings now...

[@Bejeodiehrubridjehfoekdjriwknr]

Just thought Id say that 28 isn’t almost your entire life. Think on the bright side of it, you aren’t even in your 30s yet. Some people don’t even start to transition until they are in their 60s

[@JMS-2111]

It's good to for trans people to speak openly about their experiences, helps people like me who are comfortable in the bodies we were born in understand what you're going through. I believe it must be tough on ones psyche to be unsure (and then unsure how your surroundings are going to react). I just have PTSD and depression and I have trouble dealing with it (and explaining to people what that's like). Videos like this are also good for people that are going through the initial process of self discovery, because people like me can support them, but our knowledge and possibility to advise them, is limited.

[@D-Dae]

Thanks for sharing! Its fun listening to you ramble. Best Wishes!

[@Kcthetransgirl]

Still in disbelief that Half Life: Alyx was what cracked my egg lmao

[@notnullnotvoid]

that's funny as hell but also kinda based

[@theharshtruthoutthere]

@@notnullnotvoid GOD`s expectation to us: REPENT!! COME TO REPENTANCE!! BORN AGAIN!! BE HOLY!! EXPOSE EVIL!! DO THE WILL OF YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER!!

[@MoonRiver_118]

​@@theharshtruthoutthere being trans isn't a sin, that's the way god made her.

[@TheKhamuhl]

Honestly... makes sense. For me it was Another Code: Recollections. I kept thinking "shame I wasn't a teenage girl when I was a teen. I would like to be a woman, shame that I am not trans and thus cannot be a woman. Oh. Oooooooooh."

[@noireanimations]

holy based

[@paperfate]

Thanks, very down to earth and helpful

[@harshbarj]

I don't know if I'm trans or not. I know I have feelings I can't place and I have always had to fight to fit into the stereotypical norms for a male (Like being told as a kid that men don't cry). I'm old enough that when I was a kid, trans was not a thing. You were either straight or gay. I knew I was not gay as I was not attracted to men (or boys at that time)so I just felt like there was something else wrong. A few years ago I was diagnosed with ADHD and for a time felt that must have been what I was feeling all along and while I was able to solve a lot of issues, something was still there that did not feel right. I to this day can't say what that is or even explain the feeling. I just feel like the mental me does not fit the physical one. I'm leaning towards trans because growing up I preferred "girls" toys over "boys" ones. I also have to fight to keep my emotions in check and can cry at the drop of a hat, sometimes for no apparent reason. As I will be getting insurance next year I plan on getting evaluated. I just need to know one way or another. Even if not, I do still identify more with what one would normally call the "feminine" side and often talk of men as if I'm not part of that group. Great video as always.

[@CodyGrose-c3t]

you should do more research on gender dysphoria on your own to see if it helps you classify these feelings you're having. there are a lot of helpful resources online and you do not need a healthcare provider to "diagnose" you as trans. speaking with a gender therapist did help me a lot in understanding my feelings though, as it helped me feel valid and recognized, and also as it was a great resource for getting healthcare. try to experiment with femininity or pronouns to see if it helps you. I wish you the best of luck :)

[@jayden4287]

well, being trans is more than just “i played with girl toys as a kid” or “i cry a lot so i must be a woman” . tbh why should your behaviors during childhood dictate what you do in your adult life? everyone changes during puberty/adulthood. i think the more important questions to ask yourself are: “would transition make me happier? alleviate distress? will i like the effects of hrt? would filling the role of another gender make me finally ‘feel right’? am i confusing gender feelings with wanting to present more feminine, or some other unresolved issues?” etc.

[@chaikai8537]

Everything clicked as of recently! I’m 21 and starting on the 21st this month!!!

[@sks1795]

"You're Trans, What Next?" idk girl, I just kept vibing. Got some HRT kept vibing. Got a surgery kept vibing. Changed my legal documents kept vibing. I might honestly do my transition story at some point but looking back on it, it's not something I'm super passionate or excited about because it's become my normal reality. I got my HRT, I have legal documents, and I have my surgery, so now I just live with it. It's nice to be in this position but I often forget how far I've come over time.

[@CodyGrose-c3t]

i feel the same. I have some trans friends who have only recently left the denial stage though, which really reminds me of how different things used to be for me.

[@sks1795]

@@CodyGrose-c3t I remember I was so excited at the amount of progress I was making, and the progress I was making was causing other trans girls to become jealous and even going as far as telling my girlfriend at the time "I wish she would just shut the fuck up about her transition". I think when I learned that, my mental health took a sharp decline lmao. In truth, the girls in question didn't have the advantages I had. I started on injections, not oral. I also got my surgery notes 3 months after HRT and 3 months after receiving the notes, I got the surgery I got. Not saying which one I got. But even after people apologized to me about that, I still felt extremely bad and jaded about my own transition. Nowadays I just vibin.

[@HotDogTimeMachine385]

Thank you for sharing Ashley! 💙💗🤍💗💙

[@trapghanistan2647]

Thank you for making these videos, I hope you continue making more as they are very informative and helpful, love you icky!!

[@hotgaljolene2401]

Biggest thing for me was having a lot of trans friends online. Also basically calling GenderGP diy is so real, they can be life savers but god they are often so incompetent and are basically just DIY but with a friend and without buying hrt with bitcoin.

[@Creature1116]

This video has helped me alot and helped me stop denying myself that I'm trans I just came out to some of my close friends recently and am starting to socially and this helped me stop thinking what if I'm not actually trans and I'm just lying to myself (I've been wanting to be a girl for the past 4 or 5 years) thank you so much

[@RabTaylor]

While I'm over a year into my transition now, but this was still helpful! Your journey has been pretty close to mine, so it's good to know I'm not the only one :)

[@ClaireOfRuralia]

I definitely relate to the 'having signs in my teenage years but not having the brainpower to explore why I had those thoughts' thing, I probably would've figured stuff out like 4 years ago if I actually had critical thinking skills lmaoooo

[@thegenderlesscloset]

You are so amazing. Im really enjoying your videos and you answered so many questions as I am just now starting to take this trans thing seriously. I have changed my name in all of my food apps as well as online shopping. Ill see about the checking account thing.

[@alys__drummer]

Thank you this really helps me, I have had this on my mind over the last couple of days and I was thinking about it just now then I open KZbin and what do you know this video pops up! Thank you!!❤❤

[@almac808]

💯 if people can't accept you, bin them off, family or not. Thanks for sharing 🙂

[@Sophie-ty1zx]

So much of your experience is relatable to mine from the exploring to only enjoying being feminine to having to boymode and it feeling awful.

[@jonw3982]

I went through hell for a month in '09. A dream i had made me ? trans. I knew what it was but. Learned later it was I had a twin sister who miscarried. It told me a lot of myself but looked and watched a lot of trans vids back then. I found my self more but my empathy went out to all those ppl that shared their stories.

[@idonthaveausername1]

Honestly, the social aspect is the only thing holding me up at this stage. I’m mainly just afraid of losing the few friends that I have, as I am very introverted and don’t make friends easily.

[@Wafflasy]

You’re insanely confident holy shit

[@DysphrOia]

hi icky!! Thankss for loving my comment on the last video, it means a lot to me!

[@harrymanser1813]

Cis guy here to be a better ally

[@Songforyall]

I repressed for 7 years and you're saying a few years is normal aaaaaa

[@leopendragoon4488]

icky mom = superstar!

[@Mystiskem1]

Definately your dad's loss. Keep being awesome.

[@themikaylashow1987]

I've been disowned by my dad because I came out.

[@junoestro]

thank you so much for making this

[@MaskedImposter]

Thank you for this video. It's nice to hear other's stories!

[@crush3095]

[@prueidki]

I tried to force myself to conform to male despite things never feeling right at all. All my life I tried to get passed the feelings I had and hope it went away. I didn't even try to accept it until about a year and a half ago. I was living in a safe place to be able to explore myself without the fear of being thrown out. And since then, I've been feeling more confident with myself, now that I have an understanding of what's been going on in me. I went through several relationships in highschool and struggled through all of them. Whenever came to anything sexual, I was fine with giving oral but I never felt remotely comfortable with receiving. I felt so, so, very wrong whenever my partner male, female, or in between would try. I had never felt more intense distress outside of relationships, but it felt similar to when people said I am supposed to be a man, or told me that I need to be more manly, etc. After realizing I was trans and talked to my doctor, psychiatrist, and therapist, I have for the first time in my life a goal. And I don't know if I'd ever have any if not for the realization.

[@thonatmo]

This is an actually crazy title, and I love everything about it

[@alliecat6281]

I had a similar moment of the floodgates opening and needing to transition immediately when I started a foreign exchange year at uni :) I had been intending to wait till I moved back

[@WWFanatic0]

When I started to figure it out I just tried to ignore it because it was just so overwhelming. Like, thinking about the body changes and impacts (even if I wanted them) were just like ahhhh. Puberty was horrifying and having to go through a second one sounded like a nightmare. It was like...is there an option to just go into a coma for a year or two and then come out transitioned? No? Damn, guess I'll just ignore this forever then which proved to be...untenable. When I did start (socially) transitioning, going by a new name/pronouns and talking with a doctor, one of the things she asked me to do if I was unsure was ask those who knew if they noticed any change in my mood/behavior/etc. Near universally people were like "yeah you seem so much perkier and happier, like you've got more energy now." I felt a bit better but didn't realize just how much less depressed I actually was because I'd been in that rut for so long. It helped me take a more objective look at how I was changing and feeling. For the first time it felt like maybe I won't have that cloud of depression my entire life, something I'd previously given up on being possible. Shoutout to all the trans men out there. They helped me realize I was a trans woman. In the discourse, I was supportive but never really "got" it. I was like, you do you and I got your back but bro why would you want to be a man?? It's got to be intrinsic because there's no way anyone would choose to be a man right? Being a man blows and I wish I wasn't....oh crap...I think I just realized something...

[@petejessop1311]

Ashley, you are the best. I only came out as trans to my family 6 months ago. Almost everyone in my immediate family accepted me. They don't know anything about that but exper me. I have now been on HRT for 5 months, and the change is showing. HRT and people like you and Finn, who I have watched for a couple of years now. Not knowing why I liked his content. So much of what you and others have said is too real. Because I denied myself for so long, my shell was that of a petrified dinosaur egg. The shattering was crippling. So,to those questioning. Talk to a therapist. Work it out. Don't wait to find yourself laid out gasping for breath like me. Keep up the good work you and Finn are beautiful together. 😊

[@tyranitararmaldo]

The UK is such a hell-hole for transitioning. I figured it out about the same time (lockdown...yaaaay...) and I got myself on (several!!!) registers. Haven't heard back other than to confirm my details.

[@dulunis]

"I wanted to speedrun Girl" hslishaflkaeuh3vib

[@Songforyall]

10:10 "you might wanna just move and leave every body behind" You just cut me with that line, its how I felt for the longest time when I was repressing.

[@plastictouch6796]

Oof, "there was no male euphoria" that hit me so hard.

[@Lostency]

The Egg_IRL Subreddit Part is way too real

[@lars_larsen]

Thank you icky, this information will come in handy now that I'm finally done trying to be in denial about it. To everyone who are here for similar reasons to me - whatever you do next, I personally can't recommend forcing yourself into being in denial about it for 20 years for any reason. I tried that so that you don't have to, and it didn't exactly do me any good.