Why We Almost Didn’t Transition

[@Zoe_Ze_ZebraXX7]

Posted one minute ago and only has seven views… She fell off hard😭

[@violet_skrs]

now it's 20min. ago and 2073 views. don't be such a doomer

[@bigicky]

This is like how babies cry when you move out of eyesight lmao (also it’s a 2/10 on recent uploads teehee thank u everybody

[@mjbetts2017]

but the video is very useful to us trans girls so who cares

[@violet_skrs]

@@mjbetts2017 for real, it was like a reassurance that it's gonna be ok despite the road-bumps and fears

[@RustyDalek72]

I was about to chime in myself with "Oi, NO." but I see you got told. YT is weird updating at times anyway. I opened YT to see this vid appear 3 seconds ago apparently.I click on the vid ad it's 25 minutes old with over 2000 views, so goes to show... don't assume it's accurate ever. Great vid anyway. So your point is really not valid mate. Go touch some grass. ;)

[@snakenamedsnake]

I knew I was trans for years but the "If I come out I have to explain it to people" thing stopped me for so long despite how many pros there were for me. Social pressure is crazy

[@nagizah8]

in my coming out letter, i had to dedicate almost 2 pages just to explain why hrt is a good thing for me, because imposter syndrome made me think i'd be seen as a lunatic for wanting to take estrogen

[@bewawolf19]

Why are you transracial?

[@lyonclaws5737]

real :/

[@aylen7062]

I worried about this. Turns out I barely had to explain to a few people at all, mostly respectfully curious, and it was never necessary to go in detail, just saying my new name and pronouns and that I was taking hormones that would change my body a little bit and also my style into a more feminine one. I don't mention being nb/genderfluid because I don't want to explain anything else.

[@kangev8662]

man Fuck, that part still makes me reconsider this shit so fucking much

[@muddymudkip15]

As someone who isn't binary trans, it's cool seeing Finn's additional perspective.

[@Never_heart]

Agreed. It's awesome to see as an enby who has recently started E

[@sam-is-a-human]

agreed, came out as genderfluid to one of my friends just a couple days before Finn came out publicly, and now i see why we keep going on about representation.

[@paristath6773]

@@Never_heart How is it starting E as an enby person? Isn’t estrogen the female hormone? I’m guessing you wouldn’t want all changes that come with it

[@Never_heart]

@paristath6773 I am less than a month in. At least for me, the infertility was a bit of a negative but not a huge one. A lot of the cons for we are the family explanation. It would almost be easier if I was binary trans for my family. Saying "I want to be androgynous but in a feminine way" is hard for them to grasp. But even just being on it after all this time and no longer having the "what if in the future I regret not doing it" off my mind is a huge relief. That what if was the big one

[@Emma-Maze]

You realise F1nnster isn't binary trans and is on E? :D a lot of enbies do transition and want the changes, they just still usually still present more androgynous/ambiguous after @@paristath6773

[@AlienToppedPancakes]

"What if-" is really the question that scares me the most. Being a 60 year old bald, soggy f*ck and asking myself that.

[@hardyorange]

The subreddit 'TransLater' can answer for at least some other 60 year old (more or less) balding folks! Spoiler: they look like 60 year old women: some with thinner hair than others, some of them grandmas while others look like retired models, but every single one of them wearing the biggest smiles you've ever seen. The top post on there is of a SEVENTY year old woman, and her timeline photos look like Santa stood next to Mrs. Claus. It is never too late to chase happiness!

[@AlienToppedPancakes]

@@hardyorange Thank you for the recommendation, I'll be sure to check it out!

[@uncannylucarne1198]

Hey! Be kind to yourself!

[@TJF588]

Perhaps _the_ most affirmative thought, for someone a year into her HRT in her mid-thirties, is that I get to grow into an old lady~

[@rhiannonamalie7526]

If not now, when?

[@PartikleVT]

I just cut my hair and also cut myself bangs and im sitting here with black dye in my hair and I click on the vid and realise I accidentally stole your hairstyle. Sorryy it was an accident I swear

[@bigicky]

We can be bangs buddies

[@ms.aelanwyr.ilaicos]

Very cute, enjoy the new do!

[@lillyViolet23]

I literally did that last month, got bangs dyed hair black, saw an icky video and realized I just straight stole her hair style lol

[@irelevent1239]

⁠@@bigickyayo?

[@ben0789]

​@bigicky you are so beautiful Ashley

[@sagethevvitch]

I swear Finn has just been glowing since they came out!

[@BeingD2023]

I am glad you did not say he is growing. every one says that she is shrinking. I but Icky is bigger than finn

[@sagethevvitch]

@@BeingD2023 I don't understand, but it doesn't really matter who is bigger or smaller? They're both small people anyways

[@laurahaaima1436]

agree

[@Felice_Enellen]

Yeah, it's really nice to see Finn so openly and expressively happy. 😊 Ashley too! They're just an adorably happy couple.

[@nbrowser]

Just seems a LOT happier to be honest, that's all I wish for anyone no matter who they are.

[@cuddlequeen3225]

That "good girl" at the end... i NEED IT

[@SomeGalNamedEve]

Good girl :3

[@snjert8406]

Cuddle queen? Cuddle pile?

Good girl 💕

[@HotDogTimeMachine385]

Good girl. Headpat (if you want)

[@cuddlequeen3225]

Hehe. Thanks bros

[@tris_makes_music]

I wrote a list too, and didnt really come up with any negatives, but i think I overestimated my family... My dad rejected me too, but its really messed me up, Ive also lost my two sisters, i just have my mom but she lives with my dad and doesn't have much power, so im not allowed home. I love being trans, im becoming the person i allways wanted to be, but losing most of my family has really f'd me up tbh, courage to anyone who has lost family 💗

[@ms.aelanwyr.ilaicos]

I'm sorry that happened. You deserve better. Their choices are not your fault.

[@Khotetsu]

It hurts a lot, and the words of a stranger on the internet aren't worth much, but just remember that anybody who is willing to go that far because they don't want you to be your true self doesn't deserve you in their life. The people we choose to let into our lives will always be more important than any assholes we may happen to be related to by blood. Found family stays the winningest of tropes because they love us for who we are, just like your mom. "This is my family. I found it all on my own. It's little, and broken, but still good. Yeah, still good." -Stitch

[@blackrainbow6126]

I'm so sorry to hear that. You are very strong.

[@espenwenttojarket]

I'm sorry for what has been taken from you. Glad for noticing your username. Listening to Au Revoir now. Please post more music, and please remember that your are not at fault.

[@snjert8406]

​@@Khotetsufound family is the best.

[@kangev8662]

I think I was gonna go for it already, but the "I'll regret not doing this" argument really wasn't on my mind up until now and that might have just pushed me over the edge in being certain

[@ms.aelanwyr.ilaicos]

You only have the one life to live, and nobody else will be living their life for you. Might as well seize the day.

[@bsmith4185]

yep, and very very few people regret transitioning (like a small fraction of a percent). I don't know a single person who does

[@MC-BOT]

​@@bsmith4185 because the ones who regret did self deletion and thats about 50% so there are definitely more who regret it

[@fghsgh]

So true. It only occurred to me after already starting, but it still keeps those "what if this is wrong for me" doubts away as im transitioning.

[@lampjaded]

My con list was: 1) boobs would ruin swimming and relationships 2) fertility / genetic family 3) harder to get good-paying jobs 4) having to tell people 5) possible social transition 6) taking space away from someone who really needs it Pros: 1) might like my photos again 2) can wear what I want and not have to stop 3) not feel like I'm decaying 4) gesture how I want / stop self-censoring Well, I waited 18 more years and started a family in the meantime. Boobs were scary but I find them good/comforting now. Job interviews were kind of an issue post-transition. Telling people was scary. Tried not to socially transition even after HRT but I started passing in guy clothes which was scary but I told people and came out at work frightened as hell as...everyone was nice about it. Now it's just a fact of life. Impostor syndrome took ages though. Like my photos, like feeling like I won't turn into an old man, like moving how I want, attiring myself how I want (including sloppily), no sad end to girl-moding, a lot of peace. Just wish the gender critical ideology activists would leave us the hell alone.

[@taliaeategg2027]

Same with the swimming and having to tell people. I came out on a manic episode and instantly changed my name without much thought, and I don't know if I like it but I don't want to tell everyone I changed my name again

[@lampjaded]

@@taliaeategg2027I *didn't* change my name when I came out, thinking it would be easier on people and thinking hey if Star Trek: Discovery can have a girl with a guy name, why not me? Well, in addition to this leading to more misgendering at work, it led to some strange sudden hostility outside work any time I told them my name - and it had been fine UP TO THE DAY BEFORE I CAME OUT. It's like my guy mask slipped off more, or completely? and they just stopped believing it. They'd blank, mishear it, or literally not read it out unless I reiterated. I went six months before deciding I guess I better change it. Changing it (after backstories and rounds of casual "voting") WORKED PERFECTLY. All that fuss was gone. So, you missed all that! Good for you! And there are plenty of excellent Talia characters around. I hope it grows on you so you don't have to worry so much? ❤❤

[@harrisondorn7091]

@@taliaeategg2027 You don't need a special reason, it's your name and you have to be the one to live with it. If you haven't picked a better one yet you can ask people to help name you, that's fun! I would have been stuck with Vincent, Apollo, or Leo for the rest of my life if I couldn't change it 😭 don't get me wrong love those t boy swag names but I do not want to be a 50 year old and balding Apollo lol.

[@taliaeategg2027]

@@harrisondorn7091 lololol

[@taliaeategg2027]

@@harrisondorn7091 thinking about naming myself fritz! Or Fritza/fritzi, unfortunately I don't have enough friends to ask them to name me but that sounds fun

[@NightManWins]

Take it from me, who started transitioning at 34, the 'what if' will make you miserable. I am the happiest tgirl ever now.

[@SunIsLost]

yea

[@masmargat6907]

Might be the little kick I needed. I'm 35 and the "what if" started when I was about 11

[@Ziya_S_87]

I was 36 and I agree

[@TheGeekHeroes]

I'm 33 and doing it now😊!!!!!

[@joefarrow1599]

Voice is all in the mind, it's more like letting go of your old voice than training a new one

[@ShadowsofYesterday]

It's both, honestly. There are times when I have to remind myself how to speak in my deadvoice, and it can take a few tries to get it to come out sounding normal, but at the same time, my new voice is... well, it's not convincing anyone, we'll put it like that.

[@nicole.rios.912]

yes but you do have to train your voice if you want the best results

[@joefarrow1599]

​@@nicole.rios.912normally I pass as female on the phone. I did very little training, and lots of unlearning

[@fghsgh]

I don't get how people can be so dysphoric about their voice and yet have it be such a subconscious process that it automatically comes out as deep and bassy. I can talk like that, but i can't bring myself to. It feels too uncomfortable. People made fun of me for sounding gay. Still, without training i sound androgynous at best. EDIT: so to be clear. I'm not saying yall are invalid or anything. Just that i legitimately don't understand how other people's brains work. My brain is weird, my breathing is conscious all the time. I find it hard to imagine how many things are subconscious for others.

[@Thatonepersonyouheard]

Exactly!

[@akakjb]

I knew I was trans when I was 4. That was 1968. Because I knew this and I was into acting and media anyway, I always worked to make sure that I kept the high range of my voice so I could do "voice work", which I have but the ultimate reason was for the day I could finally transition. I was finally able to start around two years ago and have been on hormones for almost a year. Im actually bi-gender and feel the happiest I've ever been. It's definitely different transitioning later in life. Im kinda jealous of all the young trans people on KZbin but we had we had to put in a LOT of work for things to get to this point.

[@syd5380]

I am so incredibly happy for you that you are finally able to live life as your true self! That is so beautiful!

[@danehrovitnir7323]

That's amazing, thank you for sharing.

[@niza310]

❤ Congrats sis! We’ve had similar experiences.

[@jesytompkins8529]

I agree with your points made in your closing comments. I to waited a little too long to start the process but I am still happier than I have ever been, but the way I try to think of it is that we get to experience both sides of the life experiences (Talk about living life to the fullest) 🥰

[@akakjb]

@@jesytompkins8529 Absolutely! Although I've always felt like being bi-gender, the thing that made me different from everyone else, was a positive thing that gave me insight that others seemed to lack, I was still a little surprised at how good it felt to be able to outwardly express everything I am on the inside, particularly after I started HRT (it'll be one year in just a few more days!). I certainly had no complaints about how I looked then or now as male, nor did I ever hear any complaints. I honestly had no idea if I was attractive, let alone handsome, but I was kind of self-conscious about it for a long time. Apparently, I looked good enough to be on TV and do some of the other things I did with my life. There have been a couple of times I've asked a close female friend if I was attractive. Swear to God, both of them just rolled their eyes and laughed at me, neither of them actually answering the question. I know that I'm not drop dead gorgeous presenting as a female but I do like how it makes me feel on the inside. I am decidedly less self-conscious about it. I do want to look nice in whatever combination of male & female clothing I'm wearing but I'm not overly concerned with makeup. That may change a little once I launch my KZbin channel, just because I have worked as a media professional and want to treat it that way. Just enough to look good on camera. I haven't really seen any channels from the older, bi-gender perspective that would include what it was like to be this way as a kid in the 70s and the very early hidden Trans computer BBS communities that started in the early '80s. Hopefully, there'll be some interest.

[@Hardymovies]

Loving the chaos tank is bringing to these

[@RemusNeo]

The editing on this video is insane.

[@takeiteasy1133]

Fr

[@raelynnclinard]

Icky! your list was mine to a T and made me cry when you went over your pros. I regret waiting so long, but i didn't have the knowledge the youth has today... I transitioned at 41, 2 years ago.

[@daviel9431]

congrats, you rock

[@euanfraser9818]

Yea and there's me who worked our at 39 I was fluid felt that

[@Kixuf12]

That's great tho! Don't be too regretful, it doesn't change anything. Be happy about finding yourself at all! Even today there's so many people who don't know or get held back by their surroundings. Look at Finn, if he didn't have the following he does, who knows when or if he would have gone on this path. Just goes to show the importance of *proper* sex-education. Having people stumble over this stuff on the internet by chance just isn't good enough.

[@raelynnclinard]

@@Kixuf12 you're 100% correct! I actually dont regret it at all, well, 99% at least.. I appreciate what my former self was able to do to get me to where I am in life, but the 1% of me wishes i was able to be myself much longer.

[@raelynnclinard]

@@euanfraser9818 I feel for you! I suspected it since I was about 11 but didnt deeply explore it until i was around 35 and it still took me 5_ years to get to understanding I am trans. I'm glad I got there though cause the happiness and bliss I am experiencing since starting this journey was worth the wait!

[@NaiaElwyn]

Icky's cons were pretty much the same as mine when I was still second guessing myself. The issue wasn't anything to do with actually transitioning and the effects of HRT. It was other people. Once I realized that I was just "F--- 'em". Spite can be a good motivator. :D

[@VhenRaTheRaptor]

Very much is.

[@SunIsLost]

yea

[@v-zr9cz]

finn 🤝 icky looking the exact same without makeup

[@Thatonepersonyouheard]

But the way they describe themselves 😂

[@river0flife]

I finished my pros & cons list about a month ago and I realized that most of the cons were related to my fear of rejection. All of the pros were about how much happier I would be. In the end, I chose myself and I started seeing a gender therapist. I'm gonna try to figure that whole gender thing in the next few months. It's going to be stressful but it's also exciting! I would like to thank both of you for cracking my egg

[@neowolf09]

Congrats! And I think it's so good you spoke to a professional first before you started hrt, I did the same and I'm much happier for it. It may have put off my hrt by almost a year, but I had already put it off for several years due to my own fears. So it was well worth the time spent just to at least help process first. Wishing you luck on your journey of self discovery 🙏❤️

[@espenwenttojarket]

Best of luck in the next few. Yeay for figuring things out!

[@AniSky759]

ashley has some great points, but finn's list resonates a lot more with me because i don't really have a lot of irl friends and i want to be able to enjoy more feminine interests without the fear of toxic masculinity

[@tyranitararmaldo]

0:30 Yes! That perfectly captures how I felt when I realised!

[@EmorettOfficial]

Initially I was really caught off guard by Finn announcing his transition, but after watching his and Ashley’s recent videos talking abt it and sharing perspectives, seeing the trans joy from a trans girl like Ashley and a genderfluid guy like Finn make me so incredibly hopeful and happy :D

[@TheLegPumpkin]

Two awesome people getting to be their true self this openly is honestly so heartwarming, I'm a 40 year old straight cis white guy and I wasn't allowed to do totally minor insignificant things because of bullying and peer pressure, so to see 2 people doing something so much more important and unheard of in my youth is beautiful.

[@OZEPIE]

I’ve come out as trans to my parents just after new years this year , they said I’ll have to move out and be on my own currently saving up to move out , and using them to prove them wrong that it’s right for me as they don’t believe it and prove them wrong , I would move across the country but so many people have been so nice and supportive from work I just couldn’t bring myself to leave my work place

[@themikaylashow1987]

I got kicked out 4 and a half years because I wouldn't detransition. I'm now 44 months on hormones, legally female (GRC) and on the list for bottom surgery. I'm also gonna have breast augmentation

[@HotDogTimeMachine385]

Icky: "I don't have a dad any more" F1nn's "My grandma died" You two are great. Mix of wholesome, inspiring and silly. I mean, my condolences for the grandma, just F1nn's line was funny in context

[@akblodge]

I just found your and Finn's channels in the last few days and have been binge watching everything I can. I was somewhat aware that I wished I wasn't man at times, but after going through all of your videos I realized much more that I've been a bit of an egg for a while. Really clicked for me when In one of your videos you had a super cute outfit and I said out loud "I wish I could be like her" and then got immediate verbal whiplash. It's going to be a long journey...

[@snjert8406]

Awww Welcome to the club! I wish you all the best on your journey!!! 💛

[@Technilogica2019]

you got this, it's long but it's worth it even through all the stress

[@akblodge]

Thanks guys, I've taking my first steps by buying my first couple nail polish colors and talking to a couple trusted friends. While I'm terrified to start shopping for clothes I'm also so excited that I'm finally understanding myself

[@SunIsLost]

yea

[@SunIsLost]

Cute

[@sesshomaruco]

The reason it took me so long to accept me was "im just a teenager, soon everything will be ok once my hormones are in its place" then the im tall, big and deep voice, then "i cant possibly be a girl cuz i like girls" and now, 3 years into hrt i havent even change my name nor my clothes, im still scared :(

[@SunIsLost]

Oh *hugs* You got this girl, you are strong

[@Thatonepersonyouheard]

There are things you can change and things you can't. Change what you can and accept what you can't. You can be Beautiful regardless, I hope this helps

[@tsuyuasui7297]

So wait you have boobs and everything ?

[@BDG401]

You two are making genuinely helpful, fantastic content for EVERYONE. Thank you

[@Lyx.Minxxy]

Yaaaayyy new icky vid! Your vids make me feel so much better. My family is the only reason I've not transitioned. People talk, and I don't want them to be hassled because of me...

[@SomeGalNamedEve]

Hey, other peoples' actions are not your fault. If anyone would harass others because of them knowing a trans person, it's ENTIRELY on the person doing the harassing. You don't get to deny yourself the opportunity to actually live as _yourself_ just because there are bad people out there.

[@espenwenttojarket]

Dont know your situation, but... Could be your family can handle it? Could be they are stronger than you think. Maybe that would be a small prize for them to pay to see you happier? Please do what will make you the happiest, suppressing your self because of what you think others want/need will only lead to pain for everyone involved. That I do know.

[@Mapmoop451]

personally, i just don't want to be disowned, and i can't go no contact because that would make me out to be a huge jerk towards the people who've basically given me the world. even if i do and they don't disown me, i know they won't accept me basically i just have to sit around and hope to the universe that for some unknown reason i wake up tomorrow as a girl, otherwise it isn't happening...

[@SomeGalNamedEve]

@@Mapmoop451 You would not be the jerk in that situation. Your family not accepting who you are is THEIR problem, not yours. You should never stop yourself from living as who you actually are because other people would take issue with it, that is _entirely_ on them.

[@SpecialBlanket]

@@Mapmoop451so what if you did get disowned? You want to be close to people who would hate you for being who you really are?

[@joe-zn6xb]

I only just recently started feeling like maybe I'm trans, but it didn't fully align with how I felt, but after listening to finn amd his pros and cons I feel like maybe the route he went is more suited for me too

[@Taigan_HSE]

Funny story: when I was starting to suspect I might be trans, my partner at the time (who would later tell me they suspected I was trans for the last 6 years) suggested I make one of these pros/cons lists. And that’s what finally cracked my egg. Not by weighing up the two sides, but in making the list one of the items was about “how I feel around other women.” …. *other* women. Looking at that, I was like “well! I guess that answers that!”

[@ms.aelanwyr.ilaicos]

it sounds like the answer was inside you all along ^__^ Also as someone that was also egg detected years in advance: how????? How did they know??

[@Taigan_HSE]

@@ms.aelanwyr.ilaicos they knew because of the many, *many* hints I’d been ignoring for years. But, of course, they couldn’t just tell me. #*&%@ing Trans Prime Directive

[@annafilou]

How *did* you feel around other women?

[@Taigan_HSE]

@@annafilouI honestly don’t even remember.

[@annafilou]

@@Taigan_HSE hahah that's alright, i was curious

[@chevin0]

Icky 'I'd get boobs' Finn 'well what happened to that?' Finn 199X to 2024, RIP

[@snjert8406]

MFer was born in 2000 xD

[@chevin0]

@@snjert8406... I just remembered what year it was, jfc you probably just made a lot of 90s babies feel ancient

[@snjert8406]

@@chevin0 I feel ancient too, don't worry

[@pmr1049]

@@chevin0 coming from the 80s i can feel some pyramids being built around me XD

[@Auspop]

I didn't know 199X was a year, what happened in it?

[@Play-All-The-Games]

I just want to scoop you two up and give you a big hug for being such positive forces of good in this world.

[@entorenee]

I love the chaos and unhinged energy this video is bringing!

[@iana6713]

I love how Bolognese is just chilling in the background and Tank is being Tank! Your videos are a fascinating insight into a thing I won't ever personally experience, but want to try and gain a bit of insight and understanding looking on from outside. You two are just so good together - you bounce off each other when you're both in a video, and it is really fun to watch.

[@SomeGalNamedEve]

I can't get enough of these two, the energy they have together is incredible. They always make me laugh so freaking hard

[@zegafregaomega]

My experience with realizing I'm trans was a bit fraught. I'm cautious by nature, and as much as that serves me, it means I don't get excited about pursuing my goals. I didn't want to feel that I was limiting myself in life by exposing myself to stigma. I felt I didn't have much to offer the world or a workplace, and that people would judge me more harshly. No workplace = no healthcare, no healthcare = unsuccessful transition. Thankfully, things didn't turn out that way at all. I was in the closet when I first started my job, but it's really easy to come out when you've already been transitioning for 2 years and everyone already likes you. So that was cool. I recently learned that FFS is paid for by my insurance, and as excited as I was to realize this, I also started to stress about dysphoria again. You say in your video that acceptance is the hardest part; what I experienced when contemplating FFS was similar to the mental stress of realizing I was trans all over again. I had this fear of 'letting go' of my old face and my ability to camouflage as a man. I am less attractive as a woman than I was as a man, so that's a little sad, but I'm also much happier and more confident in the body of a woman than previously. I had to 'reaccept' that the life I want is not one where I get to pick and choose my gender. I want to be a woman, and I want to blend in. FFS for me represents entering the 'final act' of my transition, where I can let go and exist socially as a goofy muscle lady, and I'm pretty excited for that.

[@Tenajeh]

What gave me the final shove was the realization that I definitely WILL regret not having done it when I'm older. And that in return made me realize that I wouldn't get much older than I was at that point if I didn't work towards transitioning and then actually do it.

[@subabishorts]

congrats on 100K!!!!

[@kiomopo]

Ashley is natural and beautiful.

[@RustyDalek72]

You two are amazing and I'm sure both your channels help a LOT of people. 50 something agoraphobic hermit here (plus a TON of other issues, but shh), and I've only just started thinking about myself being trans in the last year or so. I love your channels anyway. Keep up the awesome content. Thank you. Much love xx

[@fyrefighter13]

I also made a pros and cons list, and #1 was a huge part, and I was right. Entire family cut me out. All I have left is my kids. But that's fine. I'm happy, and my kids will know true love, not conditional love.

[@DiamondAviator4]

I’m so sorry. It’s sad how hateful people can be. God bless you and your kids ❤🙏🏻✝️🏳️‍⚧️

[@jesustejeda4908]

Me in leggings, a bra, bra inserts, watching how 2 be trans videos, longing for the day i get to be a lesbian: Am I really trans?

[@ms.aelanwyr.ilaicos]

sounds to me like you needn't long any longer lmao

[@0MissPhoenix]

Hard to answer with so little detail. If the only side of it is sexual for you as you want to "get to be a lesbian" then no it's probably just a fetish. If you feel like a stranger in your own body and that you want to be able to live presenting as a woman at all times, then perhaps you are dysphoric.

[@ik1437]

You’re not trans, it’s a fetish to you

[@solstice_777]

no youre totally just a brainwashed boy!! (joking, ofc ❤)

[@MikaAvalosttv]

As someone who has been transitioning since August of 2023 I have had a lot of ups and downs. I have had a feeling that I wasn't quite the person I wanted to be since I was 16 (25 now). At the age of 23 I came out to my fiance which was a good idea since she did not want to be with someone like me. I have lost a lot of friends, and have made a few more. When I started HRT I was beyond scared of the backlash the community around me would have, I have also gone into public very little as my true self i.e. full feminine clothing and make up. I was honestly overthinking things. I do have to say it felt very good to go and do it though, as if a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I love the way I look now even though only minor changes have occurred. I take way more selfies then I ever have in my life, and the crippling self hate has almost gone away completely. (I still have to work on my voice though)

[@ScarsUnseen24]

When I came out 20 years ago, I literally lost my entire family. I never regained a relationship with my sister. Over the years, I got closer with my parents again, but they wasted so much goddamn time. My parents are now elderly and my dad is mentally unavailable because he had a stroke last year. I seriously hope things have changed for younger trans kids these days. Biological family is a bitch.

[@SunIsLost]

*hugs*

[@Lylacelixir]

the "I kinda wanted that and didnt do it" moment is real... I had a thought 10 years before I started transitioning but then repressed that back into being an egg until I was 30

[@chloe54251]

i honestly have struggled with whether or not i was trans in some way for YEARS. after watching finns coming out it was so close to explaining my own experience that it was like a shock to the system. a lot of trans people that id see or knew were either binary or completely nonbinary and i didnt relate to that experience of wanting to be completely genderless or to completely be a different gender. so i thought i was just wasnt "trans enough" to label myself as so. thankfully, ive been talking to my sister about this topic for years and she was just like "she'll figure it out" lol. do i currently have a label? no, BUT! im far more comfortable questioning and being unlabeled and happy to not feel pressured to say im cis or straight. also probably never gonna come out to certain people because im okay with presenting femininely when "needed" and i dont honestly wanna mention it if i dont 100% need to

[@voltijuice8576]

I never made a list, but I think that’s also because I had sooo long to think about it. I knew before school age, but only outwardly transitioned in my 40s. Once I was open to the possibility, everything just steadily moved in that direction. When my wife left, her mom paid a lot to help with my transition, because she thought it was hot! Two months on HRT and while I was indifferent about booba, I am glad that I have them now. First changes I noticed were mood, then skin tone and body odor, then fat redistribution and breast growth. Socially is difficult for me. I am autistic, and already had profound difficulties in meeting and connecting with people. I think I come off as either a weird alien, or aloof ice queen. I started fully dressing femme about 6-7 years prior to HRT, which certainly gets me noticed. The fact that I don’t even pass casually as neurotypical is far more difficult than being trans. My feelings about voice training are mixed. I am not dysphoric about my voice at all. I think I could do it, because I’ve always had a talent for making drastically different voices, like a human cartoon. But at the same time, I rarely understand how I am perceived by others. So I can imagine being unsure if others were reacting strongly because I’d nailed it, or if it was just goofy. With clothes, for example, I have a sense of style where it can be odd yet cohesive enough to work. For voice I think I’d need to record myself a lot, and listen later with fresh ears.

[@KatieGimple]

I was dysphoric about my height until I found out I was a little shorter than Taylor Swift

[@enso8379]

Holy, I didn't know she was that tall. Honestly makes me feel a bit better. I'm 5'10.

[@Zectifin]

FYI tall girls are hot so theres always that.

[@fghsgh]

I had my highschool crush who was taller than me. Then i went on E and shrunk 2 more inches. 5'10 right now and life's good.

[@asrix]

love you icky

[@Coffee.cat_0]

i love how genuine you guys are. And im sorry for all the people that hate on it, honestly says more about them than it does you. Im so glad you are comfortable in yours own skin now :) your channel is so different than everyone elses and i love it. its good to see you guys thriving

[@theangelofdeath1986]

Love the chemistry between you both. Plus all the info you give to the community. Also your pup is sooooooo cute. Oh and Ashley you look great even without the makeup 😊

[@TristanWintle]

I will never get my fill of Finn and Icky videos.

[@racecarpics]

Sorry about your Dad, Icky. Mine ignored me for 3 years after I came out. When he was ready to talk he just wanted to talk me about my bones in 1000 years. Fantastic.

[@AdfasSSBM]

I really dread coming out, I think I could handle the social repercussions from having come out, but coming out itself is terrifying

[@ConkerTheCat]

just do it, you can do this!

[@Ivel1oss]

Listen, it fucking sucks, you might lose friends and family and life might get really shit for a while, but its better than being miserable for the entire rest of your life.

[@Rncosplay]

And hey we are here to listen, I am all ears. (i just imagine a person with a lot of ears help)

[@nessamae3349]

I freaking LOVE the editting style of these videos - reminds me of old youtube in the best possible way, and super funny

[@rachellejanssen2655]

Choked on my coffee twice in a row at 5:26 and 5:36, Finn is on fire, I can't imagine what it must be like to live with him xD

[@paularobinson4688]

I always feel better for watching your videos. Thanks xx

[@applesoup1396]

2:18 Mario getting his but burnt.

[@Zoey--]

As someone on the NHS I knew I was trans at 24. I'm 32 now and only been on hormones for 10 months. Do not go NHS. My last meeting with them I got told they want to see me in SIX months but are aware the waiting list is 12-15 months. This is current information as of a month ago. Love yourself. Don't wait like I did and trust in the system because the system basically doesn't exist. Best part is that to get onto the NHS fully I first had to force them by going private to transfer my treatment to the NHS after a disastrously mismanaged experience, even private can fuck something like this up sometimes. I also endured 3 years of being told I wasn't trans enough so that was fun.

[@RubidusArgent]

I'm transfem and i want to share my story for anyone who needs some reassuarance or validation or any other reason. I was questioning my gender for over a year until the beginning of march when Finn dropped his coming out, and 3 days after it I said to myself " hey i there is also genderfluid. I can be gnederfluid" in highnsight it was more out of fear going full trans than anything else, genderfluid seemed like a smaller "less risky" label, but then last Friday I realized that it was my fear of making mistakes that made me choose genderfluid label and also i did a little "scientific study" of what I desire to be.Then i did the pros and cons and came out with many more pros then cons. I realized that it was fear and im came out to myself truly, too afraid to do it with my friends and family, well, most of them. For anyone out there OneTopic has that famous quote "If you think you are faking it, it's a really good sign that you are not. When you hear yourself telling you who you are,listen to yourself..." Also if you think you are tricking yourself then ask yourself " why would i trick myself into being trans?" Im sure you will not find reasonable answear to that Edit: I used a wrong wording

[@xxlessQQmorePEWPEWxx]

well this video did more for me than i could have expected it finally gave me the courage ive needed for a very long time and i want to say thank u ashley u dont know it but the video helped me understand myself way more than i knew i could and 2 days after watching now my whole family knows who i am that egg is well and truely smashed and it was because of the pros and cons list i had done the same thing although mine was 20 pros and only 1 con and unexpectedly the 1 con didnt come true my family accepted it. so i just wanted to say thank u for this video it helped were 1000s of hours of therapy couldnt

[@blackrainbow6126]

One of the best ever Icky vids so far!.. also.. Finn's split ends!.. Please Ash, drag that boygirl to the hairdresser!

[@RyanDSM1975]

"From Birmingham..." Icky with the fatality!!! I have found that the most likely person that I thought would be supportive is pretty much no longer associates with me while one of the people I figured would be most likely to reject me accepted me and wanted resources to learn more about what I was going to be going through.

[@MBMephisto]

i want to, but get anxiety about talking about it to people and because im autistic i find it impossible to explain things in conversations. I'd probably go down the private route for quickness, just got to try and manage the anxiety.

[@Khotetsu]

Try researching the whole process step by step and writing down what you would say to your doctor. I was super nervous about telling my doctor, and when I told them and about the clinic I was thinking of going to (I'm lucky enough to live within driving distance of what is supposedly 1 of the top 2 trans healthcare clinics in the US), they said "You know more about this than we do, so we're gonna follow your lead."

[@MBMephisto]

@@Khotetsu☺

[@BlairHorror]

I live in the U.S....in Indiana of all states, yet It took like 3 months to get into the DR. But state insurance paid for all of it....I talk some shit about the government here. But that's a point in my book. It's been adorable watching Fin grow over the past few years, and your a welcome addition to my KZbin watch list! Keep it up...the good work...❤

[@SHERVSO]

Ive been trans for like 2 years and ive only just considered “damn… this is really gonna change my life” I think im a tiny bit stupid

[@wrath-2187]

Im 23 and i got floored by what i think is dysphoria two weeks ago, and after 10 days of roosting on the idea, i just burnt out by the thought that "This changes everything ever"

[@Goldenskies98]

The “what if” is what did it for me too. It got to the point where I knew if I didn’t try this I would regret it.

[@kashk42]

I just wanted to drop a comment to thank you for these videos as a cis-dude teacher who is only a *little* bit queer, and very comfortable in my masculinity, but that has had (and will most likely have more in the future) girls going through varying stages of transition as my students. I've watched a bunch of trans youtubers, and many of them are very good, but they are also very... I don't know... analytical? Academic? They talk a lot about the politics and that entire thing, and that is both interesting and important, but it doesn't really help me understand what my students are going through. So I guess what I'm saying is... thanks for giving a more 'personal' perspective on transitioning. As a sidenote the youtube algorith is now 100% convinced I'm trans and is serving me nothing else in my recomended videos. If my wife were to open up youtube while I'm logged in there would be some questions asked I think...

[@themikaylashow1987]

Im so much happier being my true self as i NEVER thought I'll EVER come out

[@lordnycon2186]

Finn never before seemed so himself like now🎉 It's really awsome to see! I share the 'tism, the constant anger, being bi, being awkward in all the right places, mentally broken but loveable, BUT, i'm 42, 2m tall, muscular and hairy af. So there was never really a chance to "change" and i really love for him that he saw his chance and went with it! Seeing you both interact and do your thing made me see myself in a whole different angle, big Thank You for that❤

[@ms.aelanwyr.ilaicos]

It's never too late! Much love from a 30-something year-old recovering hairball.

[@hardyorange]

Look up Gabbi Tuft, former WWE talent. She started transitioning in her early 40's and she looks incredible! Even in my personal life, I have friends who were hairy-faced and balding and over 6 ft and they all get correctly gendered as women in public now. It can take some work (hrt, electrolysis, different workouts, etc) to get the look you want, but it is never too late to be who you want to be! There's even a subreddit for folks who transition later in life called TransLater, and if you sort by 'top posts of all time', you'll see a woman who is SEVENTY, only one year on HRT, and her timeline looks like Santa Claus standing next to Mrs. Claus. As F1nn said, if you never try, you're always gonna wonder what could have happened. Even if hrt isn't available to you at the moment, Amazon will send you anything they sell and KZbin is free, so you can always try things out, be it seeing how long hair would feel with a wig or following a full makeup and body pad shaping tutorial to look like an entirely different person. It is never too late to pursue your happiness!

[@herrskymarshall]

6'2" 38 yo formerly hair, current giant lady here. It can be done! Find your truth. ❤

[@SpecialBlanket]

Whoa dude. My partner is 40 and 6'5" (not a typo) just about to start HRT and already people treat them femme just from their personality. They will always be really tall and visible but i have NO concerns about them turning out looking weird or ugly or anything, it's gonna be gorgeous.

[@satanic_rosa]

I'm having a hard time getting on hrt, I'm doing the online diy thing and delays in shipping, extra cost and other bullshit are causing me to be off hrt for some periods of time. I'm inching towards public healthcare option where I can finally get it reliably. I'm frustrated that I'm going through this and I don't even feel like I identify with being a woman, I just fucking know that I want to be one so much, and I despise inhabiting masculinity so much that I want to explode. Thank you for this video, it's helping me to think that even if the going gets rough some times, I'm doing the right thing for myself, precisely to avoid the almost certain "what if" and regret later in life.

[@Pokegirl34356]

If you have the money try to find an online gender clinic or one irl it would be way safer

[@tsuyuasui7297]

​@@Pokegirl34356what are some good ones?

[@ichbinwiederda100]

Pro: be my true self and feeling it. Con: haters will be haters.

[@Lukos0036]

I'm happy you both found your joy.

[@jeffafa3096]

"What if" is very relatable...

[@denry100]

WOW Finn is SO relatable

[@profeseurchemical]

i cried hard when i could no longer deny that i was trans. because of how hard is was going to be being trans

[@etherealradar]

At 38 SECONDS you encapsulated exactly how I feel right now.

[@little-wytch]

I can't transition. I'm trapped in a part of the states that is so sickeningly conservative and pro-trump that I legit fear for my life even if I could afford to transition. If a member of the lgbtq community where I am was getting beat up in a shopping center and the cops got called, I fear the cops wouldn't stop it but instead join in. I'm both jealous of you and proud of you. Thank you for reigniting a small spark of hope in my soul.

[@Thatonepersonyouheard]

Have you ever heard of that happening in your area?

[@little-wytch]

​@@Thatonepersonyouheard not the cops actually joining in... but their general dismissiveness means it wouldn't surprise me if they did. I admittedly have other reasons to distrust the cops tho given how they treated my mom when she was almost murdered.

[@whalium889]

Crazy how Finn shrunk by an inch and went down a shoe size Hrt is crazy

[@alanreader4815]

1:03 The next tomb raider with lara finn lol

[@lethe8313]

I have seen this in 10 years. My transition is going amazing.

[@Centurian666]

Just noticed I’m listening and watching, but as soon as Tank is on I’m just staring.. 🐶❤

[@Ehryen]

Damn, 4th pro rly hit me, because I wanted to transition in 2017 and due to family complications I have "given up" on my dream for 7 years now, and I genuinely feel like I regret it and there's no way to get that time back..

[@kaiakiuti]

Damn, i wish... I knew when i was 15, now 20 and still thinking about it everyday. I just feel like im not allowed nor able to transition and theres no getting over it

[@ItIsAnEllie]

You gotta remember that the only one who can hold you back is yourself. It is infinitely easier for some than others, but if you focus on that, you will either grow up to have huge regrets or just delaying the inevitable and feeling unnecessary pain in the process. You can (and will) do it if you really want to, but if you are unfortunate, your steps will have to take years instead of months. I would say do the research and start taking the steps you can now so that it takes as little time as possible when you get over the factors that currently hold you from transitioning. Of course, work on eliminating those factors, too.

[@tsuyuasui7297]

Omg we are literally in the same boat... I knew when I was 14 and now im 20 and I'm still thinking of starting HRT, but there's so much holding me back for no reason

[@JG-pj3bg]

You two are so good together, Good job ICKY

[@DagothUrWelcomesYou]

I love seeing positive trans content. I've been going down the doomer pipeline lately. You start to forget that the shitty people are the loud minority and most people are cool. Don't ever forget that y'all! There are nice people out there

[@Nelsea7190]

alot of pros and cons in common with me. happy i can dress how i want and not worry what its like to wear womens clothes in public. seeing the changes 13 months of HRT did is great, love the changes. fertility? what is that??? dont know or care. much happier to feel and be more feminine. i do worry about losing direct family. mom is going through other age related stress, not sure about how father will take it. my brother and his wife have certain lines in the sand as far as they are willing to accept. indirect family are surprisingly accepting. how i will deal with society if things happen to get hard, i have some fairly serious social issues if the wrong circumstances happen to line up even before transitioning. HRT changes and boobs one of biggest pros, losing family is main con with societal worries as second con. i do have a bunch of useful links related to direct family that i rely on for support so potentially losing that is scary AF! still not enough to deter HRT/transition.

[@Stjaernljus]

tank is growing fast

[@that_rendle]

Honestly, watching you two is helping me so much. I think I’m GF but early days so who knows? And then I watch your videos and feel like it’s all okay and I’m okay and anything is possible. So, from the bottom of my heart: thank you. ❤

[@kayleegoins9838]

I had known for 20 years, that I wanted to transition someday. (knew I was trans about age 6). I also knew that transition was not generally covered (at the time) by medical insurance, and would be prohibitively expensive. At the time, I was still in college, and didn’t have a “career”, or even full time employment. There were mostly “cons” in 1994. When I was 20, I didn’t have the money, the medical insurance that would pay, or an accepting society. Every show used trans women (mostly trans prostitutes) in TV shows as a murder victim, a joke, or a ploy on Jerry Springer. When I turned 40, I realized something. A few things actually. Society had grown, and being trans was more acceptable. (I transitioned before Cait Jenner). I had money in the bank, and could literally afford to fly to Thailand, and pay cash to have procedures done. Mostly, I realized that I didn’t want to live the last half of my life, as miserable as I had lived the first half. And so began my transition. I didn’t really consider there would be any “down side”. I was so unhappy, I probably would not still be around today. Transition literally saved my life. Finding the right job after… didn’t concern me really. It was transition, or nothing at all. To close, Transition came easy for me. Most of my extended family and my Father had already passed away. My mother knew I “dressed” on Halloween (you know, Trans Christmas), and was accepting. I haven’t had any issues out in public, even in the very conservative part of California that I live in. I am much happier with myself, while still being cautious about who I am around. I just wish I had been able to afford transition years earlier.

[@beechamberlain8287]

The pros, you two are so beautiful and pretty 🥰

[@TomiThemself]

Again - Icky uploads -> have to click!

[@hawkingbishop]

I first came out to a therapist in 2006 (was 20) but then got scared and took it back. It then took me another ten years (30 😬) to finally feel comfortable enough to come out and start transitioning. My 8 year anniversary of coming out is on Saturday. 😊

[@lou.pcanway247]

That's really a conforting video (and yeah finding some of my masculine physical traits in other women is something I love to bump into, like "oh this actress is pretty... wait I have the same shoulders \o/ " and stuff). but also did F1nn said "sorry chat" while not being in live ? lol.

[@AchillesArachne]

Thanks!

[@taliaeategg2027]

My friend told me about female puberty and how you bump into everything when your hips get wider you and it continues to make me sad to this day that they'll never get wider

[@Alice-May]

Due to redistribution of fat and other stuff they will look wider actually.

[@taliaeategg2027]

@@Alice-May I'm looking forward to this so much

[@tsuyuasui7297]

Bones can actually get wider tho it all depends on the individual really

[@taliaeategg2027]

@@tsuyuasui7297 probably age too right? I'm past puberty but if I do hope to see hip growth

[@tsuyuasui7297]

@@taliaeategg2027 yes if you are still under 25 you will definitely see hip growth, even later actually

[@killessaslaire]

OMG THAT PUPPY IS SO CUTE

[@elifg.714]

I can't be the only one who thinks Ashley looks the exact same with and without makeup???

[@dah-knee-low2799]

Nope, did not see any difference either.

[@azuquirtle]

"Thanks! ...wait, was that a diss?"

[@CollectMyDistortions]

@@dah-knee-low2799 the makeup probably just helps with her lighting and tones, but either way shes pretty :3

[@sayven]

I think she said herself that she only does very little makeup nowadays

[@prueidki]

She looks less shiny, but that's it. She's still really pretty!

[@DavidWalker-ko6po]

I love these free-form discussion-style videos!