Biochemistry of Avoidant Attachment Style

In this video, we will explore the world of the avoidant attachment style with The Attachment Specialist, Adam Lane Smith.
Adam delves into the deep-rooted challenges faced by individuals who struggle to feel loved and build fulfilling relationships. Discover the science behind avoidant attachment styles and learn how to overcome these issues to experience the joy of genuine connection.
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If you’ve struggled in dating or marriage and worry you’re not good enough, worry no more. Attachment Specialist Adam Lane Smith wrote this guide to show you how to stop fearing abandonment and start building healthy relationships. Through his proven step-by-step method for repairing attachment, Adam will teach you what people really want from you, how to give and receive love without fear, what red flags to avoid, and how you can build a lifetime love with a partner you trust.
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Chapters:
00:00 Introduction
00:56 The Prevalence of Avoidant Attachment
02:11 Understanding Avoidant Attachment
03:23 Fear and Conflict
04:35 Avoidant Behavior in Relationships
06:14 Biochemistry of Avoidant Attachment
07:04 Oxytocin - The Warmth of Connection
07:36 GABA - Stress Reduction
08:22 Vasopressin - Problem Solving
08:47 Serotonin - Social Connection
09:24 Dopamine - The Constant Craving
11:15 Decline of Connection in Avoidant Individuals
12:48 The Fixable Nature of Avoidant Attachment
15:03 Questions on How to Fix Avoidant Attachment
16:17 The Process of Opening Up
17:28 Switching from Survival Mode to Opportunity Mindset
19:23 The Fulfillment of Secure Relationships
20:16 A Message for Avoidant Individuals
Key Topics:
The Science Behind Avoidant Attachment
Overcoming Childhood Roots of Avoidant Behavior
Understanding the Impact of Secure Relationships
The Role of Brain Chemicals in Avoidant Attachment
The Transformative Journey from Avoidant to Secure Attachment
#avoidantattachment #secureattachment #attachmentissues #buildingconnection #attachmenttheory #adamlanesmith

[@AttachmentAdam]

The HOW TO LOVE AN AVOIDANT MAN video course is now available! If you want to learn to build a fulfilling lifelong relationship with the man you love, and help him understand and cherish you in return, pick up your copy right now and write a happy ending to your love story! adamlanesmith.com/how-to-love-an-avoidant-man/

[@Doors_of_janua]

Guys and gals… I think I did it. I broke through.. I opened myself up.. held nothing back.. showed myself totally. And she stills loves me. To resist now would be continuing a very old cycle.. ready for love ❤

[@apdurn]

Great work 💪 ✨✨✨👏👏👏

[@Doors_of_janua]

@@apdurn hey, thanks! Being seen is so valuable. Even here :)

[@desertbluesplaylist7550]

Bravo!

[@hevabmore]

Wonderful! We are rooting for your success.

[@iluvitim]

congrats on your growth

[@vmmell0]

When watching for the first time I had to pause the video several times, to take a breath. So many overwhelming realizations.

[@vmmell0]

btw, just a minor issue. By minute 12:00 you start a reasoning then you end with "...because the female partner, specially in the longterm, is looking for that dopamine". I guess you meant oxytocin, right?

[@sweetreat30]

Me at 13:15😢

[@ShaneJoshua1980]

You are the first person on here to get and understand that not all avoidants are evil. I grew up in a household with domestic violence, my stepfather was volitile and my mother whilst she did her best was inconsistent. I learnt to behave, people please and look after myself. In relationship i completely get that 6/7 month thing of not being happy since i got divorced and i truly wonder whether I have ever been in love. I'm in therapy and realise how this effects me. I want to love and feel im deserving of love too.

[@stolensilver6963]

I really enjoyed this. I have never had a safety net at any time in my life that I have not built myself. I can remember several seemingly tiny inconsequential events in my life which gave me a great feeling and I always wondered why that was. They all involved virtual strangers doing something kind for me - one is as silly as a person opening a can of drink for me when my hands were full. I suppose when you have lived your life in a desert any sips of water are forever memorable.

[@NicholasPR]

I feel very called out right now. I've had to rewatch this video a few times to let this wash over me and accept it

[@brendenfullmer5573]

Same. It was hard for me to want to accept this. I HIGHLY recommend his book "Slaying your Fear". At the end of it he recommends the book "No More Mr.Nice Guy" by Robert A. Glover which might actually be even better. I just started it recently and have been really connecting to it. Best of luck, brother!

[@Sofiarey285]

This is the greatest video I've seen on avoidant attachment. Nobody else explains the physiological reasons behind it. My best friend is avoidant and I've noticed the most effective way I've helped him was becoming secure myself. I was initially anxious with him (with other anxious people I lean avoidant), but I've worked to become secure. I noticed from my behavior change how he is also changing. When I express emotion to him (securely), before he would disappear for a couple of days (sometimes I would use this to my advantage when I needed breaks or to be alone), but I've noticed that away time got less and less. Then it was only a day of no contact, and now it's the same day. I was surprised at first when I said something from emotion and he asked to hang out the same day. One of the hardest parts to get over from an anxious perspective when "dealing with" an avoidant friend/partner is realizing that if I'm not available to them, they won't disappear or forget about me. Which is really silly to think about when secure, because who is available all the time? Anyway, I'm rambling.

[@boom33joelmtz85]

It’s the bioquemistry. It is amazing learning

[@Presilia_M]

I had to work on my selfconfident and understand my childhood trauma. As soon as I overcame my fear of abandonment I started to notice my value and the rest is history 🔥

[@LSGO90]

I really enjoy your delivery and your sense of humor. I’ve been learning a lot about attachment, mostly from Thais Gibson but you are definitely a breath of fresh air, in the way you express things and your actionable steps to be better. Great work.

[@trucuriousity]

Love Thais! ❤️

[@argoknot6006]

Of all the discussion on Avoident Attachments, this is by far the most helpful in terms of what's going on under the hood. While others are talking about "feelings", this is what is actually driving those feelings and what practical actions can be taken to address them. Thank you for sharing this.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thank you for your kind words! Always glad to help.

[@Claframb]

Adam Lane Smith! Adam Lane Smith!

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thank you! 🤣

[@kuiwanguistephanie]

Oh my, I can hear the chant! 😂

[@jnoble5789]

if you are semi-familiar with this type of material you can watch at 1.5 speed, 6:30 is where he starts explaining the biochemistry

[@AmandabellaDay]

I’ve got disorganized attachment tendencies, very self aware, but it’s so confusing. I need ya close but also give me space cuz you’re smothering me… go away but not too far! Lol

[@robbriggs8016]

This all sounds wonderful, people only love what you do for them and what they can get from you, not you as a person. I've never met a single person I could trust in that way to build a secure attachment. I tried a couple of years ago with somebody and they have actively tried to destroy me and my life. I have many friends and family who i adore but they all put their own feelings first and over react to everything... I have 3 daughters, I just don't want them affected by me xx

[@fakename7501]

I'm sure you're a good father Rob. You're proud of your daughters and they're proud to call you their dad. When you focus on yourself and better yourself, you'll create a ripple that will affect those closest to you. Cheers mate 🥂

[@kuiwanguistephanie]

Adam, I like that you are direct and stern yet thoughtful and understanding

[@solutions4tenants141]

Wow Adam Thank you for doing this video on the Neuro chemistry of Avoidant personality. This explained so much to me as I was dating an Ex Military man who is now a Sheriffs deputy. The man had some thick walls and was emotionless. I am an anxious (INFJ) and it was I was not a good fit for him at all as he kept telling me I was too needy when I wanted to take a walk with him or just snuggle while we watched TV. He was an escape artist.!

[@aamu2955]

Your channel becomes like my medicine. Every time I feel a bit abandoned feeling , I come here and listen and it make be better😂

[@AttachmentAdam]

I'm so glad to hear that! 😊 What content or topics do you find most comforting or helpful during challenging times?

[@aamu2955]

@@AttachmentAdam anxious attachment style playlist, how to love avoidant man and vasopressin. I was anxious and after I met avoidant man , I become avoidant traces to people who care about me and love me. But not long after, I noticed myself and Now I’m trying to be secure.🤩

[@DixieAnne13]

Having my mental health rock-bottom and discovering this avoidant attachment style for the first time. I am every example in this video. Thank you for being here while I need it.

[@VLynnK77]

It's overwhelming the amount of content on YT with relationship advice, and i ignore most of it. But because of the title of this, it drew me in. I so appreciate you going into the biochemistry...there is too much good science that has been censored in recent years, and it's so refreshing to see your content on all of this, thank you.

[@meaghenstandlee6644]

Wooooooow is all i can say ... he chased that dopamine from a "new" relationship aka ME i was a novelty to him (i was 33 he was 46 ) but never bonded with me i couldnt understand WHY hes a gambler, alcoholic, but a funny man at heart I wanted to at least stay friends but he got with someone younger shes 27 lol (it didnt bother me) but he cut me out of his life after 8 months (right when the newness wore off) i dont hate the guy i truly care for him hes suffering and self sabaging chasing money and NEVER happy where he is. Thanks for explaining what he must be going through bc i need that insight to keep him blocked (to not hurt my heart) but also to make peace with this whole situationship ♥️

[@ASaTraveler11]

Hi Adam! Thanks for these very educational video. Could you please do a video on how to recover from a relationship with avoidant attachment? It can be a shocking and traumatizing experience if you've only been in relationships with secured people all your life.

[@poopenlicht6448]

Another great video - thanks Adam! I showed this to my avoidantly attached buddy, and it really resonated with him - Now he's sharing your videos to his male friends!

[@jacobgraf7284]

Thanks Adam! I think I may be a fearful avoidant because I switch between deeply craving dopamine and oxytocin. I definitely lack vasopressin bonding because I am afraid to honestly work through things with others.

[@Melody9616]

Same here. The other four seem to come naturally. But as I lack the experience of having conflicts resolved and being better afterwards, I miss trust to open up about relationship-wounds. I'm scared the other feels criticized and withdraws more. 🫣

[@EnlightenmentQueenElisheBA]

Great information being in a avoidant attachment realtionship is very challenging but accomlishable but like Adam said you must be that secure attachment in there life calm down relax and don't add drama to their life but fuel those chemical that they need you really do have some beautiful avoidant men that are remarkable men only if you understand The way they are patients and acceptance of them is key and give them time to understand you and their selves Thanks Adam well said

[@sifublack192]

Very good breakdown. I really like the straightforward approach.

[@nnylasoR]

I shared this with my husband. He says that he’s not intimacy or connection avoidant, but SHYAH-RIGHT ……… this goes far beyond a little marital strife and lack of deep connection. Your video -among others I’ve binged- explains SO MUCH, and I really hope he lets this sink in and will want a different way of life. (Because frankly ….. I don’t know how to “do this” feeling like I’m overly needy and keeping us afloat all on my own. 🥺😭😩)

[@bridgetbanwell3582]

Sounds like someone I know

[@AD-hh6dd]

Why do men tend to be avoidant and not women? Plenty of women don’t know what it’s like to feel loved too. I’m confused why they tend to be anxious and why men tend to respond with avoidance. Thank you!

[@jn4073]

No expert, but I think it might be that men tend to internalize negative emotions and women tend to externalise.

[@AnnaFunk]

It starts to happen because of the way that little boys are girls are socialized. Think about how society tends to treat girls and boys differently when they cry... Boys are told to suck it up because real men don't cry; while it's just accepted that girls cry all the time, but should just be ignored. So boys learn to stop the tears before they start by running away from the feelings (avoidance). Girls never learn how to stop it because they weren't shown the comfort they needed to self-regulate (anxious). But that's not a feature of our biological sexes, so as little girls are treated a little more like their male counterparts, and told to not cry, you get more grown women with avoidant tendencies. Anxious men are the ones who weren't comforted in childhood, but also weren't told to stop crying.

[@hspinnovators5516]

Vasopressin vs oxytocin receptors in gender differences

[@joansandeen9443]

Thank you, Adam. Youve helped me so much.

[@AttachmentAdam]

I'm glad to hear that! If you have any questions please feel free to reach out.

[@madhurij2919]

I struggle with communication and I also seem to push people away or withdraw from them and I don’t want to do that but it’s like a switch flips inside me and I want to be away from them. I kinda feel like too much closeness leads to unbearable hurt that can be avoided if you keep people at an arms length. But that hurts people who want to be close and who would become good friends or partners and it leaves me feeling lonely too. Because when I’m keeping people at distance, it’s not like I’m having a gala time either. Most likely it helps me feel more relaxed that’s all.. but I think about those people that I’m keeping at distance but I won’t reach out to them unless they do it. And even if I do, I don’t say what I want to. I’ll usually send a signal like a song or a screen shot or link to tell them they’re missed. I am pretty good at navigating relationships that are work related. Where you can talk work what you need and what others need and you don’t have to care about making lengthy emotional conversations or pretend interest in their life. Which I can do with people that I absolutely like but I don’t like people absolutely very easily. Is this normal?

[@whatthetreetaughtme]

This is the first one of your videos I’ve seen. I’ve gorged on avoidant vids over the last couple of weeks. Your description of brain chemicals is something relatable. The penny absolutely dropped for me. Thank you. Will watch more of your stuff now. 🙏

[@essentiallyhealthy8576]

I appreciate this video more than you will ever know. This explains why when I supplement my body with 5htp and Gaba I handle things much better. I learned about these 2 supplements maybe 15 years ago because of my stress and mood. But you cleared it up ever further for me

[@RosettaRedfeather]

Praise God!! This alchemy is being shifted in the greater collective as we speak. In the light of divine love, we are finding each other in our pain and healing.❤️‍🩹 ❤

[@AttachmentAdam]

It's beautiful to see such a positive and uplifting perspective on healing and connection!

[@VLynnK77]

What a beautiful comment

[@jennyholliday366]

This hit home like nothing before.

[@sshuteandrew]

You say for an avoidant to vet others and be with a secure person; however, a secure person wouldn’t stick around 10 minutes with a partner who runs, retreats, stonewalls, refuses to trust or build intimacy, sabotages a relationship and refuses to discuss or maintain a healthy, interdependent relationship.

[@fakename7501]

Thank you so much for sharing this. My mind is blown away. I'm just in pure amazement. Thank you so much Adam

[@AttachmentAdam]

My pleasure! Glad you found this helpful. Are you an avoidant yourself or are you dating someone with an avoidant attachment?

[@mswilkins16]

@@AttachmentAdam I’m one myself. This is very eye opening

[@raindropsandroses594]

This is just BRILLIANT! Thank you sooooooo much for sharing your knowledge - ❤

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thank you so much for the love and support! Glad it was helpful! ❤️

[@boom33joelmtz85]

Much appreciated on giving a bioquimestry education. I really admire you

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thank you so much for your kind words! Your admiration means a lot to me, I appreciate you.

[@crystallam7335]

I have chronic pain and I am deeply fit, maintain beautiful workout and wellness and good diet routine. I normally just do not get into relationships or intimacies but I’d love to graduate towards it. Thank you for voicing out all this for us ❤

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thank you for sharing your journey and dedication to maintaining a healthy lifestyle despite chronic pain. It's inspiring to hear about your commitment to wellness! If you ever want to discuss how to navigate relationships or need any help with that, feel free to reach out to me at [e-mail].

[@nohasamir3134]

Perfect explanation 👌👌👌

[@matthewmiller8297]

Thank you.

[@444thHorseman]

How can I share this with an avoidant without them feeling like I’m attacking or shaming them?

[@kaylakayla7341]

It seems very hard to change a developmental issue that is not a behavior issue 😕. Thank you for the videos. I would love to see steps that should be taken on how to overcome avoidance.

[@kuiwanguistephanie]

Ditto

[@Doors_of_janua]

Step 1. Radical honesty. About everything.

[@Cross8798]

That’s why my avoidant ex was addicted to drugs,alcohol and was a serial cheater 😢 He relied heavily on dopamine.

[@shawnaaustin3396]

Please tell me more about the other avoidant personality type which is manipulative and selfish instead of the scared type. I know someone like this but I need to know more. Why are they different and what are they capable of? Also, is it possible they can change? If so, how?

[@bethbluett4211]

Thank you thank you thank yiu

[@AttachmentAdam]

🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@matthewmiller8297]

Also, do you have a video about trust? How to build trust, how to vet, etc?

[@davidkramer984]

That explanation makes complete sense for how I am!❤

[@AttachmentAdam]

Glad it was helpful!❤

[@sagedandy123]

So helpful

[@AttachmentAdam]

Glad you think so! Which part hit the best for you

[@rickylumo8666]

Thanks!

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thank you so much! What part of this video hit the best for you?

[@daniellejohnson3585]

Adam! Can you continue these videos with the other attachment styles!!!

[@AttachmentAdam]

I'm thrilled to see your enthusiasm for exploring attachment styles further! Stay tuned for more to come!

[@JohannaWayne-es1el]

This is insanely good information to share. Where did you learn these sciences? The truth of it is amazing.

[@AttachmentAdam]

I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist and also a Relationship Coach.

[@handerson-vl7df]

Lovely explanation. I would like to know if I dare totally voice my feelings....I m scared he ll run away or clam up if I do ! So far I ve been super cool....but also a constant presence for a year....well, once a week at first and now twice a week..... he has slowly warmed up and does express feelings in public, but never asks me for private time together so I m confused. If I ask him to meet me away from our group....will that drive him away or would he appreciate my expressing my desire to move a little closer ? You say we should be clear about what we want but all the relationship coaches clearly say that we ladies have to let the man do all the chasing.

[@mrgator9670]

I believe I have all the signs and symptoms, past experiences, etc. of being avoidant, and it's very painful. Why then do I find it easy to open up to people, perhaps even faster than they are comfortable? I am truly an open book. I still struggle to feel connected and tend to push people away once the dopamine fades. It's not that I am gaining secure attachment, more like forcing it artificially. I reason that it's safer to be honest and know where I stand than to pretend things are fine. Or perhaps discussing problems is the only type of connection that feels genuine. But I'm not sure if there's an underlying factor, or if something other than Avoidant would describe me. Any thoughts?

[@Robemikor]

Hi Adam, I tried looking for "big 4 criteria for trust", but have not found much. Can you point somewhere?

[@katieandnick4113]

This is spot on.

[@vivianvennicia]

It makes sense.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Glad to hear it!

[@Pheonix1111]

I have disorganized fearful avoidant attachment style with more emphasis on my avoidant side, and I have never been loved by anyone. I do not know what love and/or oxytocin even feels like. I do not get the other chemicals either.

[@BenLWolf]

A lot of people are NOT going to receive love. EVER. And a lot of people really aren't worthy of it. You NEED to accept that. If you cannot pay the price tag, you can't have love and some people are just broke.

[@clintwalkerGodsmack]

When the other person is not ready for the free information. They will refuse to learn.

[@ravenmeyer3740]

You open up, they begin to use it against you. Weaponize it. So, yes, you’re better off alone.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Would you rather be alone than with someone you can communicate with?

[@mystic-83_]

What does this mean? I don't understand what weaponizing after you've opened up looks like.

[@esounds1]

Thank you so much for the video! It was a treat! Can you please tell my any info about avoidant person with ADHD ? I can not find anything anywhere about it.. Thank you in advance!

[@AttachmentAdam]

I've coached plenty of avoidant and ADHD individuals, and the key is always to help them reduce any latent anxiety first. That can reduce symptoms and bring more executive functioning.

[@renchemarais8419]

Will enroll at end of May. Will this help me with a better relationship with my adult children? PLEASE!

[@AttachmentAdam]

I encourage you to reach out to me on my email [e-mail] and I'll be in touch. We can chat in private and in more detail so I can offer you help and support tailored to your specific needs.

[@redvinekilla]

Food for the mind & soul, thank you! I’m wondering if a person can become avoidant due to things that happened in their adult life? Like a very toxic, abusive marriage or an extremely violent event? Or does the avoidance always start from early childhood?

[@romisana]

He mentions in a different video that attachment styles can change, even in adulthood. That's why one can move from insecure to secure or vice versa. For secure to insecure, the person would have to endure something deeply wounding to radically change that attachment. So I think the answer here is yes, a person can become avoidant in their adult life depending on the experience. It doesn't always start from early childhood.

[@jessicaveenman1995]

That sinks in, struggled half of my life, a divorce, how does love feels like?

[@AttachmentAdam]

It sounds like you've been through a lot. If you need support or guidance, please don't hesitate to reach out to me at [e-mail]

[@allenpencoff6357]

I have unknowingly struggled with this my whole life and its been really bad for the past 2 years. I think ita become worse because im becoming aware of whats missing in my life i would love any assistance i could get

[@LightPilotDarkForest]

whats the likelyhood of two people both being avoidant ?

[@renchemarais8419]

Amazing, now I am avoidend, Niw How do I share loving relationships with my girls/daugters who hates me because I don't know how to

[@AttachmentAdam]

Feel free to reach out to me on [e-mail] or DM me on Instagram @attachmentadam and I'll share with you essential resources and skills. I'll happily help you build a strong, loving connection with your daughters.

[@KellyMartin0902]

Does this gives them the addictive personality? Chasing dopamine?

[@heatheranderson2419]

Is there a way to know if your avoidant partner has begun to experience these changes?

[@ghie22483]

how could i possibly say to my partner with avoidant attachment that he has avoidant attachment issues? i want to fix him. i am an anxious partner. all those time that we are together, I know in myself that I want him to feel my love. but he always go and avoid me. saying those words that avoidant, need space, its in me, etc etc. its his 3rd time that he pulls away from me. the 1st and 2nd we get together again. but this time, it take 4 mos since he breaks me up/pull away. but we do talking to each other, but I feel his distance. could you do another educational video on how can I educate my avoidant partner/ex, that I still have communication on him but I feel distance. i know that he was on hold to his feelings for me and I do feel he wants me but I really don't understand how can I possibly make him feel him that I understand his being avoidant and I don't know how could I make him feel that all I do is to love him and to understand him and i feel exhausted that he is far away. and we do chatting, we haven't talking on phone yet. Please help. Thank you so much...

[@nathalieangela3457]

Do you offer discounted single sessions by any chance?

[@AttachmentAdam]

I just finished a special offer for February, but send me an email and we will help you make this work. [e-mail]

[@valdius85]

08:20 - about the coffee, serotonin and dopamine. Could you please explain that again?

[@Doors_of_janua]

There is a reply function friend

[@davidmcgehee7351]

Wow… thank you for sharing this Do you have a video about being married to a female avoidant and how to help them on the journey?

[@AttachmentAdam]

You're most welcome. I have a video on how to love an avoidant woman, but feel free to reach out to me on [e-mail] so I can help you with more specific guidance. I'd love to help.

[@davidmcgehee7351]

Got it! Thank you

[@katyahope4791]

I bought the course . How do I access it ?

[@AttachmentAdam]

Hey Katya, thanks for trusting me to help with your relationships. When you bought the course you should have received an email giving you full access. If you did not, or if you have any other issues, please contact me immediately at [e-mail] so I can take care of you.

[@marcus716]

As an avoidant i'd say i was a 5/10 avoidant but after watching you i turned into a 3/10. My issue is basically i feel like people are not worth my time (also trust issues). I feel like i deserve better. But if i find someone i believe is a high quality person, most of my avoidant tendencies go away

[@hspinnovators5516]

That's part of the avoidance and deactivation

[@edithamaliaioo2228]

He is DA by the book, we are great friends but I told him I will not stay friend because I want a healthy relationship, he brake up with me last year but he wanted to stay friends, because "sex is ruining friendship" (his words) he also said (recently) that he don't want to hurt me (not him, but me) because I am a really great human being (I am very supportive) so can you help me understand what is behind this "don't want to hurt you"?

[@Goodness14966]

I've got 4 problems that I need to address. Even though im ok with being vulnerable. I have a slight fear of that being used against me this is mostly in normal relationships other than love. Fear of being seen Fear of abandonment Feeling safe and trust These comes up after a serious conflict or something very hurtful as im an empath Which attachment style do i fall into. I took a quiz few months back when i was in a calm and neutral mental state i identified myself as secure attachment. Idk what to conclude.

[@AttachmentAdam]

I encourage you to send me an email at [e-mail] so we can discuss this privately and more in depth. I will gladly share resources and help you form a better understanding.

[@madhurij2919]

I don’t know what type of an avoidant I am as it says 25 FA 25 DA 15 AP and 35 secure

[@tyresepressey1528]

Does he reply back I need this guy pronto

[@AttachmentAdam]

Hey there! Please feel free to email me at [e-mail] if you'd like to learn more.

[@madhurij2919]

I also feel uncomfortable having people over especially if they stay too long than I want them to. Even if they’re not directly bothering me just the fact that they’re present in my house makes me uncomfortable. Why is that?

[@matthewleonard948]

I need this help

[@AttachmentAdam]

Hey, Matthew! Happy to help. I invite you to email me at [e-mail] and let's start from there!

[@epistemophiliac5334]

I want to feel love again but I just can't. I don't know how to bring it back.

[@adrianbrokman3702]

I knew Im going to hurt people by dumping them sooner or later since early age. So I didnt get involved into any relationships until 32. Then I said few therapists that I avoid relationships to not hurt other people because probably at some point I will want to withdraw. Therapists says that I should not be scared of breaking up as its normal for relationships to start and end at some point and ending relationships is not hurting people. So I started to get involved and now as I expected I want to break up after 1,5 year, but at the same I am afraid to break my partner's heart. I wish I can get courage and follow the therapists advice that breaking up is not really hurting others and is normal, because my avoidant tendency starts to kick in. Therapists told me that I should not be blaiming myself for it and break up if I want to. At the same time I see so many comments that people got hurt by break ups. So who I should trust then?

[@hspinnovators5516]

Do Adams course. The proper bonding chemicals are being resisted

[@rockandhardplace2023]

Is it common, or possible, to be misdiagnosed with ADHD when you have avoidant attachment??

[@Doors_of_janua]

You can’t interchange these things. ADHD is a dopamine issue. Just like avoidant can be seen as that. But no doctor will say you have adhd because you dont love your relationship. He should look at many sides of the issue.

[@hyrenapth5583]

Cant we get ocytocin pills? I think that would be easier than meeting other people. Working 8hs a day plus 2 hs commiting, there is no time for relationships.

[@jeffreyerb7139]

I’m not sure about pills but I know there is a nasal spray. Compounding pharmacies can provide with a Drs Rx

[@kaitlin8669]

There a ton of self help people saying you can only get love by not loving.

[@kristidin1983]

@attachmentadam do you have any videos on male libido decreasing as a DA? Not the female AP. I'm FA leaning secure but this man is so shut down. I've never seen anything like it in my life. I've never known a man to shut down sexually and completely depriving themselves.

[@Mazda.Fit.]

It happens more often than you may realize.

[@kristidin1983]

@Mazda.Fit. ya it sucks but I'm over it. Love him as a friend but I'm too secure to sit around and hope. So this DA gets what he thinks he needs an Independent friend. Lol Until I'm gone that is... Not a threat. Just doing what I need to do for me.

[@Claframb]

Whoot whoot

[@kingaberlakovich5585]

I thought I am anxious, but I have to realise, i am avoidant 😢 and my partner is also avoidant.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Hey! I'd be more than happy to help, send me an email to [e-mail]

[@MrGenderWars]

As much as I would like to try out a course or two. I have to choose rent/food.

[@JohnCharlesRome]

You look more like a lawyer.

[@BlueBlue23]

I sent him (wmi) this as an act of love...

[@AttachmentAdam]

How did he respond?

[@BlueBlue23]

@@AttachmentAdam he didn't. I sent it from a number he didn't know. I didn't say anything. He probably knows it's me. He stopped replying 2 months ago.

[@LightPilotDarkForest]

hey...wheres the video about loving avoidant women?...there was only two videos about avoidant men?

[@AttachmentAdam]

I’ve got another video on loving avoidant women coming very soon, stay tuned!

[@axjkhl7699]

avoidant male here. any attempt to open up: huge mistake. it's not only our messed up mind, it's also the messed up reality. it's rare that the person you like will like you back. and males to be emotionally vulnerable is simply not acceptable, women will throw you under the bus for that

[@SK-jb1du]

Only some will and often because they don't understand or are impatient. Other women will try to understand.

[@hspinnovators5516]

Male vulnerability is different. Women want you to share your care, desires, not have her solve your problems since that kills sexual attraction. The problem is men try to be vulnerable like women do but she feels pressured to be your mother and solve your problems. She wants to hear your desire to love which is deep and true male vulnerability

[@carolcisko6768]

Some is due to the breakdown of the family 😳

[@justinejackson1409]

Are you an Avoidant, Adam?

[@AttachmentAdam]

Do you think so?

[@kuiwanguistephanie]

I guess another question is were you ever an avoidant or anxiously attached, it just feels you know this content very well

[@justinejackson1409]

@@AttachmentAdamYes or at the very least used to be. You seem to be the most empathetic towards this attachment style

[@zaruiamvi]

I feel that I am avoidant at the beginning, but once there’s enough oxytocin built up and I start falling for them, I turn into an anxious type 😂 either way - not healthy 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@AttachmentAdam]

Why do you think that shift happens, making you more anxious rather than secure?

[@zaruiamvi]

@@AttachmentAdam lack of confidence, inability to receive, conflict avoidance, poor communication :)

[@morganspino3980]

We need help!!!!! Please

[@AttachmentAdam]

I'm here to help. Please feel free to reach out to me at [e-mail]

[@trucuriousity]

He finally said it. All the hot people are avoidant. 🤦🤷😂

[@reemsaif3105]

Dopamine anonymous 😂

[@AttachmentAdam]

What did you think of this video?