BJ Miller, MD: The problem with dying and what might we do about it

[@renatab4588]

I completely fell in love with Dr BJ Miller. He is so kind, emphatic and so very handsome and charismatic at the same time. I’ve been watching his videos over the weekend and I couldn’t get enough of them as he is so inspirational and fascinating to listen to. I work as an occupational therapist. I used to work in Oncology and Haematology at the Churchill Hospital in Oxford. Sometimes it was important to the patients to just be there with them, just sit next to them and with them, hold hands and just be in the present moment. Sometimes silence is more powerful than words. I remember there was one young, female patient who approached the end of life phase due to being terminally ill. One of her goals was to be able to cradle her small baby girl in her arms. She was so fatigued, exhausted, most of the time, but nothing mattered to her more than be with her baby girl and be able to hold her in her arms. We did all we could to enable her to do that, whilst optimising her physical environment and using energy conservation strategies. One day, when she felt stronger, she expressed her wish to sit outside. I took her outside, in a wheelchair, to the roof garden, and she put her beautiful summer hat on, designer sunglasses and she asked me to put her lipstick on her. She looked so glamorous, and became so alive, sitting in the sunshine, she had a glow which I had never seen on her before. We talked about her favourite subjects and I got to know her better and what mattered to her. Even now, thinking about this moment, it moves me to tears…. I will never forget her… I also worked at the Sobell house in Oxford and I loved working there as there was always such a lovely, friendly, peaceful, beautifully fragrant atmosphere. The care was client-centred and always respectful and warm hearted. I have some of the most beautiful memories from there. Dr Miller reminds me of those times and of how much it meant to the patients to feel human, accepted and respected. I also used to work at the London Clinic and there was this incredible Palliative care Consultant called Dr Vinnie Nambisan. Dr Miller reminds me of Vinnie, as they are both so gentle with their patients, down to earth, kind and compassionate. I have always admired Vinnie’s ability to connect with his patients with empathy, sensitivity and heart and I am sensing Dr Miller is made the same way. I once heard that people will always remember how they felt in your presence and if you make them feel stupid, not valued and not respected, these feelings will stay with them when they remember you. You may be the top expert in the world, but if you unable to connect on the human lever, then nothing else matters… I am deeply touched and inspired by Dr Miller’s work. Thank you for doing such an awesome work and inspiring so many of us.

[@yogiyogesh815]

Hi Renata, Bless ...you for your service to mankind , the story of the young Mom touched me deeply . ❤️

[@rs5570]

Since the age of 12 my best friend was Denie. Denie died. at age 35 of breast cancer in our hometown of Charleston, West Virginia. I was far away in London. Denie left a little boy and little girl ages 4 and 6. All she wanted of her life was to mother these children.Her death could’ve been so comfortable and peaceful but the medical business we operate in only cares for money. My brother, who I love so dearly, says he will take himself to a place he will never be found (he is a wilderness trekker and guide) and will shoot himself to avoid the suffering of the hell holes we call hospitals. I believe I will do the same. Neither of us have children. We are in the Dark Ages in nearly every regard. We are patently more primitive than our farthest ancestors. We know nothing.

[@rs5570]

Interesting how the “handsome” works into your comment. But I won’t fault such a giving person as yourself for being impressed with that. In truth, I wouldn’t mind having such a man at my bedside as I said goodbye to this world and moved on to the next.

[@carmennemura6138]

There is so much wisdom in this man. Wishing more doctors will see his message and educate themselves on how make it easier for patients when they are closed to the end and the difference compassion makes for the patient and their family members.

[@BJMillerMD]

Thanks for the beautiful comment Carmen!

[@jamiejohnson9732]

He is brilliant ! I love Dr. BJ Miller spirit ! ❤❤

[@davidwiseman7774]

This is truly inspirational. This should be required learning for every medical student. His message is life changing. Doesn't hurt that he is a beautiful man, with a beautiful voice and a beautiful mind.

[@BJMillerMD]

Thank you David!

[@robertasango9757]

wish i'll get to see this wonderful guy before i die... i wanna meet him in person and say thank you

[@BJMillerMD]

Thanks for the kind words Robert!

[@juliamckechnie4094]

He talks about his work with the dying in such an honest and respectful manner; There's some profound messages here. Thank you so much!

[@BJMillerMD]

Thank you Julia!

[@alish5417]

love this man

[@MyaStClair-wj9zf]

Well worth the time to watch and listen to this man. His messages around palliative care that don’t involve dying or death, keeping the mind attached to the body, negligence coming from healthcare professionals as choice needs to stop - we need more end-of-life doulas. Being a survivor of cancer, but now knowing my genetic makeup may cause another or more primary cancers due to the genetic testing offered by my oncologist, puts me in a unique place in life. I’m discovering more people such like Dr. Miller, those that are willing to educate the rest to look at how we are truly living while dying.

[@amyaanonsen5060]

Thank you for your inspiring work & making it comfortable to discuss death. "Making room for mystery" & "healing rather than fixing" are major & beautiful mind shifts to make...

[@BJMillerMD]

Thank you for the comment Amy!

[@jamiejohnson9732]

Love this man ! ❤

[@Sara-qt4lv]

This is very inspiring work well done.

[@BJMillerMD]

Thank you Sara!

[@mjpumkin]

I really like this guy. He is doing a great work for humanity he clearly has a greater understanding of death and presentation is practical and beneficial to all. Thank You!!

[@BJMillerMD]

Thank you for the kind comment Mary

[@fffmania7491]

I have no intention of being General Custer and fighting to annihilation. When my cancer reaches a point that further treatment is futile I shall surrender like General Lee and pass my final days with as much quality of life as my cancer affords me.

[@georgegarner1425]

The only problem I have with death is its permanent your not coming back and life go's on without you

[@growforfood2862]

two people don't like this? Wow.

[@mikebyrd546]

I wish more people read thir bibles which states it was NOT God's purpose for people to die. Dying is never beautiful, it is unnatural, god put eternal life into our hearts. Please read your bibles and what hope the bible provides especially of the resurrection

[@HoneyHoney-ws6rz]

because no one cares enough

[@baruubimea922]

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