Gender Roles within a Marriage | Couch Conversations | S1E1

Are Gender Roles a Non-Negotiable in your Marriage? Khadeen & Devale talk gender roles in marriage with couples Melissa and Kevin, and Issa and Casie.
Follow Khadeen & Devale's YT Channel's! ‪@TheEllises‬ & ‪@KhadeenEllisIAm‬
And listen to their Podcast, "Deadass" on www.deadasspodcast.com/
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For more Black Love interviews and articles about sex education and intimacy, visit www.BlackLove.com
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Recorded in 2018

[@pamelaflynn1129]

My father was laid off from General Motors back in the early 80s. Not once did my mother treat him any less than during those 2 yrs. My father added value to the household by taking care of my sister and I before & after school, cooking, and taking care of the house. My mother had a job with a long commute. They may have had their differences but we never saw it. She still respected the man he was. You can add value to a household/home without bringing money in. Woman have been doing it for centuries. My parents have been married 51 years.

[@leilou19]

They don't make men like your father anymore. Men of this generation would have left.

[@commonsenseprevails1433]

Most men would not have made the switch to facilitate home matters like your dad did. They would still expect the woman to carry out those duties.

[@aura5944]

That was a different era!!!!!

[@aura5944]

leilou19 Exactly

[@tlou6658]

That is love over there, very admirable

[@goddessisis]

In a marriage sometimes one is the Anchor, the other the Sail.. The roles are interchangeable depending on the season, but the main objective is to provide support for the other during the journey. I thoroughly enjoyed this dialogue.

[@sadgirlvisuals4126]

Wow beautifully said

[@omertafressh504]

Now Ms Aaron, what you spoke was soul touching, thank you! If more women see it that way, I believe things will be ok

[@faith6575]

This comment is really beautiful. What a gorgeous way to put it in perspective. 💖

[@fedoramcclaren4294]

This right here.

[@viceanterra3]

All truth

[@1tiffanylynette146]

I appreciated how Melissa interjected her story in how she identified with the newly married couple. It immediately brought so much compassion to the environment that I felt they needed. Sometimes just knowing someone understands is a breath of fresh air.

[@kwhite71376]

I agree because I feel like the jokes would have continued about them living in a car.

[@courtgee123]

I love her for that!

[@DakishaPete]

Melissa is amazing!!!

[@vperez6086]

SOLID 💯

[@karenfairman1046]

Yes because the jokes were not needed at the time, uplifting and hey we made it you guys can.

[@Quad_Balanced]

Kev smart as hell “ I’m just going to wake up when she wakes up”🤣🤣

[@makedafindlay9398]

Hes not smart. Yo me hes lazy

[@Quad_Balanced]

@@makedafindlay9398 I’m saying. Some people will definitely just lay there 😂

[@makedafindlay9398]

@@Quad_Balanced ok have a good day love.

[@Quad_Balanced]

@@makedafindlay9398 Same. Blessings 🙏🏾

[@christianjohnsonmusic]

@@makedafindlay9398 How is he lazy?

[@agskeete]

My wife and I wouldn't mind sitting on the couch. 14 yrs marriage high school sweet hearts.

[@shawnwaldron2740]

Wishing u many more years of happiness and love in your union💕

[@yakzivz1104]

That's sweet!! I wish you many more years of happy marriage.

[@frontin2]

Hope yall get on the couch

[@PremiumFuelOnly]

@Andre Skeete Reach out to them, maybe they will pay your travel expenses. Or maybe it will be virtual now.

[@pamelajenkins7021]

Congratulations 14 years for my husband and me too September 2 2006 we new each other since teenagers 17 together

[@rickireign]

Devale and Khadeen did such a good job leading the conversation! 💕

[@victoriat9145]

They really did!

[@kimberlytamar2781]

Yes they did. I just love them and love their influence

[@UZIMADanceFitness]

Right! I love that they didn’t take over the conversation. They led, and then made room for flow. Love them.

[@tryingagain5123]

They did. The level of experience they have professionally from hosting and within their marriage shows

[@jbee1fam]

EXACTLY

[@loliwemoyo5680]

I'm greatful my African village born parents didn't believe in gender roles. My daddy taught me to cook and still makes breakfast everyday. He stayed home to raise my little sis from 6 months till she was 4yrs old and this was in Africa when my mom had to go to school. My parents showed me a radical marriage based off your strengths and weaknesses no roles.

[@MegaDiva1999]

which African country sis?I love everything you said but Africa is not a country.

[@tybooskie]

Where are they from? Was this the norm in their village or did they make the choice to break from tradition?

[@Jojo-pv3uf]

Omg same! My parents are Kenyan and I can confirm my dad has cooked more times maybe even double the times my mom has. My dad also took care of us full time when my mom was in school 12 hours away from where an lived. They are about to comfortably retire soon.

[@sakuraesther6309]

@@Jojo-pv3uf Amen

[@julianochieng9955]

Wow sis God bless them. Hope you get a man like him too

[@Neenja7]

DeVale and K...and Kev and Melissa...need to do something all the time. Their chemistry all together is unmatched! They always have me cracking up😂

[@jayc.7135]

True

[@Ohlatatouche]

They are lol

[@femininelounge9240]

I would never allow my son to marry any woman if he couldn't provide financially for himself first and then another woman. One of the strongest attributes to a healthy, stable marriage is SELF DISCIPLINE and being RESPONSIBLE. Asking a woman to follow your dream based on a desire to be married is very disrespectful and selfish. I would never allow my daughter to leave a home her father had worked hard to provide for her into the hands of a man who can not provide for her. Contrary to society's consistent manipulation, LOVE has never been an emotion. It is a tangible exchange between two people.

[@MrSmith-eg7oh]

These days no parents should want their Son to marry any woman if they could take care of ten wives. Now the daughter yes cause all laws are in her favor.

[@99niaalice]

Facts

[@pastorkingsleyokonkwo8634]

Beloved, I don't know you in person but God knows you. God ministered to me in a revelation when I was on your profile to see things around you,I saw blessings but spiritual attacks holding onto them,in prayers,i saw a woman in the realm of the spirit monitoring and plotting delay in your life, with an evil mirror, and with a motive to destroy. But as I speak to you now her time is up, Render hand of favour with Anything you can afford or give to these motherless foundation (Godstime MOTHERLESS FOUNDATION) in kebbi state nigeria before 2DAYS with faith, as I Rise my hands towards heaven and pray for you they shall serve as point of contact wherever you are, you will receive double portion of grace to excel and total restoration of breakthrough in your life and in the life of your family. Ask for their acct details and help them call the MD in charge of the orphanage to get their details on (WhatsApp or call them [phone] )tell him I sent you. For it is not by might nor by in power but of the spirit saith the lord (zechariah 4:6). You shall testify to the Glory of God in your life. God bless you.............................

[@teebrowne463]

Glad this girl ain’t your daughter, look where they are right now, it worked for them but they ain’t asking anyone to follow suit. She’d have been with a guy with a house and abuse her so it’s great to use wisdom in all situations. Most parents would rather their girls go where there’s money and ignite the men behaviour

[@DB-qg5us]

You won’t “allow” cuz u can’t. lol u can’t control grown adults. They may not have ur blessing but that’s it. Ur idea is right tho.

[@Saved.by.Jesus.]

Nothing like a good support system and a great meal after work. It goes both ways. A woman who works deserves a good meal when she gets home.

[@zingisamase]

I agree.

[@beauti2thecore]

Exactly!

[@shadeprice4719]

Issa and his wife....his wife lost herself for the sake of love. He would definitely leave her behind for the sake of his dream.

[@NinjaLeeful]

This just confirmed some of the issues I have with marriage. In most cases it's women who have to sacrifice their dreams, comfort, security and voices for love and to protect the male ego.

[@YLN__LEXIC]

Yep 👍🏾

[@Rangoslap8]

Women are usually first and loudest to tell of the sacrifice. Trust and believe men do sacrifice childhood, and family dreams and never tell the family or friends or her he has done so.

[@Rangoslap8]

Are you married? me, yes since 1992.

[@ecclairmayo4153]

I'm not married, but I have a feeling it depends on the type of person you are marrying and the relationship you have. I just don't believe every marriage is like this or that we have to give up so much just to prop up a male ego. I think women just choose and stay with men who are already broken in many ways. But not all men are like that. You must be whole before marrying someone else, otherwise you are using them. Thats what these men are doing. They are using these women for both money and emotional needs (making them feel like men by propping up their ego).

[@t4c882]

@Duece Lee Music You sound pretty petty with that comment brotha it contradicts your own comment lol try to respect other people opinions bruh

[@dutchelite2706]

All this food on the table and nobody eating lol

[@berylallando]

😂😂😂😂😂

[@esthera3883]

Hahaha thought I was the only one that noticed!

[@tawannasteele4534]

Nope. I was like dem not eat...

[@mrs.w2942]

lmao

[@DivaAP08]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@kirbyaugustine761]

Man this was sooooo dope. I see why Kev on Stage is always professing his love for his wife. Melissa is a real one.

[@v9473d]

Interesting body language between Issa and his wife. ( He stayed turned away from her; she is leaning into him. She is seeking closeness and he seems to be moving from it.). It tells me that he is more self-focused rather than “we” focused. I believe she kept her last name because she is still not sure of the stability within their relationship.

[@dennisrobinson8008]

Body language, while it's not perfect is much better than the opposite. IE: she's pulling away and he's leaning to her trying to "feel her". I haven't watched all of their interactions, but it looks like in some of the other videos that they have alot of fun. This particular "near sexless" thing may be an "act" for the show.

[@voyagerprouty]

Different women keep their last names for different reasons. It doesn't mean they're less committed. Angela Merkel, Sheryl Sandberg, Meg Whitman, Janet Yellen, Amy Klobuchar, Elizabeth Warren, Kamala Harris, and Sara Blakely have all kept their last names and, with the exception of possibly Kamala, have all been married for quite a long time. It has more to do with whether the woman was raised with traditional gender roles, her age at marriage, her level of education, and her socioeconomic class as to whether or not she changes her name.

[@nessness_x]

I said the same thing!!!

[@DivineSovereign_85]

BINGO

[@gabegarcia1993gg]

I would agree, but through the whole interaction. My opinion is that she plays more of a dominant role. An possibly holds that over his head. Its just my thought

[@JMeyer1112]

Issa basically said I need a woman that's willing to sacrifice her own dreams and goals and follow me while I pursue mine while I'm a homeless bum living in my car. Ladies watch out for these type of men. He didn't marry her out of love he married her as a strategy to get out of homelessness 😩😩😩😩

[@caooue7047]

SMH!!

[@diantecastine7235]

I was living in my car when I met my fiancé. 3 weeks later, she was pregnant, I moved in with her and I was paying 100% of the bills. I wasn't looking for her to take care of me, I had a great job. Now I lost my job, and she's working. I'm still not looking for her to take care of me. I'm still making some money with my entreprenuership, and I'm persuing a goal to retire us both. The point is that you can't just take some information and my a conclusion about their life... kzbin.info/www/bejne/nGXPk4Sml6efptk

[@JMeyer1112]

@@diantecastine7235 you do not represent the marjory, I live in NYC I see men all the time trying to use women for a place to stay. You are the exception not the rule congratulations on your progress, but it wouldn't be wise for most women to take that chance I learned my lesson twice. I will never deal with a man that's homeless or struggling worse then me. Again you are the EXCEPTION NOT THE RULE you are a rarity 😊 me myself I'm not taking any chances congratulations to you both.

[@ecclairmayo4153]

He never said he loved or wanted her... only that he was homeless and she was there😐

[@JMeyer1112]

@@ecclairmayo4153 exactly 😩😩😩

[@jab197100]

Watching this interview just confirmed that Melissa would be a dope talk show host! She has the voice, insight, and poise for it

[@thelivingroom6172]

So nobody's gonna talk about Casie's gorgeous locs???🥰

[@pastorkingsleyokonkwo8634]

Beloved, I don't know you in person but God knows you. God ministered to me in a revelation when I was on your profile to see things around you,I saw blessings but spiritual attacks holding onto them,in prayers,i saw a woman in the realm of the spirit monitoring and plotting delay in your life, with an evil mirror, and with a motive to destroy. But as I speak to you now her time is up, Render hand of favour with Anything you can afford or give to these motherless foundation (Godstime MOTHERLESS FOUNDATION) in kebbi state nigeria before 2DAYS with faith, as I Rise my hands towards heaven and pray for you they shall serve as point of contact wherever you are, you will receive double portion of grace to excel and total restoration of breakthrough in your life and in the life of your family. Ask for their acct details and help them call the MD in charge of the orphanage to get their details on (WhatsApp or call them [phone] )tell him I sent you. For it is not by might nor by in power but of the spirit saith the lord (zechariah 4:6). You shall testify to the Glory of God in your life. God bless you.....................

[@nursenoteswithnae1272]

Omg that’s the FIRST thing I saw. 😍😍

[@marktho1286]

yeah no cap she gorgeous. no let me correct myself.. all the women on there are gorgeous.

[@agency4491]

She is absolutely stunning! Her Hub is a lucky son of a gun!

[@simply_sophia]

@@pastorkingsleyokonkwo8634 🤣

[@MiilyGarcia0119]

When she said homeless- all of their facial expressions 😂😂

[@ecclairmayo4153]

Hahah then they tried to act like this was normal

[@Ree-vn9dc]

I said the same thing🤣

[@msjreneful]

Yes 🤣🤣🤣

[@lifeofdyme4057]

“homelesssss” they all literally looked the SAME leaned back and everything lol

[@d.jenkins3891]

Some of these comments are so interesting. I'm seeing a lot of people describe what they will do or won't accept in their partner. However, when you are married you make a commitment for where ever life will take you and your spouse. Outside of abuse or going against the core value of who you are, there are decisions you will make in your marriage that you never thought you would make. Also, you will grow and change as a person within your marriage. You are choosing to be with someone who can support those changes and vice versa. Marriage is truly a journey. It can be beautiful or a nightmare. It truly is what you and your spouse make it. It's your journey and no one else.

[@motheowalerato701]

Exactly. We judge from the outside because we have never gone through such, yet love and marriage is all about compromise. Well said👌

[@christinawilliams008]

100% agree.

[@detrixhogan6078]

Agreed💃🏿

[@viceanterra3]

Facts.

[@MonologueMunchie]

The hard reality is that most people still have growing to do themselves and aren’t ready for that level commitment and investment

[@alyssalane3442]

"it's hard to have a list when you're living in a car." Thank you! Happy he lovingly called Issa out. I appreciate Issa's honestly...but he really wanted a woman to "follow him while he followed his dreams." The word "followed," not even live beside, grow with, but "follow" is bothering me....

[@Ohkeh640]

“It’s hard to have a list when you’re sleeping in your car” facts bruh 😂

[@khosizulu]

What would it look like for the dreamer to be the woman and not the man, I wonder.

[@emdeevann9602]

Tabitha Brown and Angel Lakita Moore are the ‘Kites’ in their marriages.

[@Bkrunz]

Oh geez. My dad is a dreamer and my mom stabilized his plans to some degree. My husband and I are both practical thank God.

[@aura5944]

He wouldn't be there lol

[@detrixhogan6078]

Tabitha Brown l.o.l

[@tracyreadytv]

Watch Kev and Melissa podcast the love hour with Tabitha Brown and Chance... it's the reverse of the dreamer and "worker"... it's also one of my FAVORITE videos on KZbin. 💜🤎🥳

[@lovelynne9761]

It sounds like struggle love sprinkled with fairy dust. Relationships need to be mutually beneficial for both people. You should be better together!

[@lovelynne9761]

@citee citee Likewise!

[@BlaqueRose23]

I see what you're saying. However, I've learned that there is a difference between "struggle love" and having struggles while in love. Deciding what you're worth and standing firm on what you're willing to put up with will help to determine the difference.

[@biancapetty9624]

I don’t agree with everything here but, I equate struggle love with constant infidelity. Life isn’t black and white it’s MANY grey areas.

[@theman9048]

Life is a struggle

[@BlkOnyx0508]

Yes it should! I agree! A lot of Unmarried people and miserable married people are insecure consistently "hoping" for change that sadly in 99% of cases will never happen. You marry, you get what you get. Period. I laugh so hard when miserably married people get mad when one of their friends gets a divorce 🤣. Mad because they are still miserable with a piece of a man. Both genders need to value themselves!

[@dl2310]

The gender roles conversation is proof that patriarchy hurts more than it helps and is a dysfunctional mindset, man-made and not God approved; it has and will always be a cultural norm, not a moral standard. It only helps to try and keep a man's ego in tact. You can hear in Kev's voice when describing what his responsibility was when his wife was working outside of the home, and him inside the home, just how he values the work that has been traditionally defined as a woman's role. There is NOTHING wrong with changing YOUR child's diapers and cooking and cleaning for YOUR family. What made it tough for him was his ego when it should have been a privilege to do what was best for his family. Him believing what his ancestors told him being a man is supposed to be was a lie and him believing that lie is what harmed him during that time. Learn to push that ego aside and do what you can to love and care for your family, regardless of what the responsibility entails. Discovering what our individual strengths are that we can bring into a relationship is more important than gender roles as Kev and his wife discovered with the paying of bills. Do what you're good at and what is needed is more important than what your gender dictates you should do. The ego has NO place in a relationship and it needs to die, especially as Christians. Humility through love is essential and trumps who you think you are. The ego only highlights your insecurities and selfishness. Ya'll seem to use the term "ego" in place of emotions. Be vulnerable and open. That's it. Let that ego die.

[@spazz-ok9nr]

That was less about ego and more about culture.

[@bizness3]

Everything you said!

[@Sithandwa30]

Love this comment...so so true

[@ecclairmayo4153]

All of this!

[@seemolemeso7964]

100% CORRECT!!!!

[@ldv1981]

I love to hear Kev on Stage and his wife talk about their relationship.

[@DeeDaKang1]

Exactly, they have an amazing relationship, very few relationships last true lif

[@keepitfrankwithfentse]

My hunny n I don't have gender roles. He loves to cook n so he cooks. I like doing laundry so that's what I do n then he bathes our son. That's their bonding time. It works for us. Shootout for this couch conversation

[@Rayenjay]

Yesss! Same thing with my husband and I! We actually recently did a video on our channel talking about how I'm the "Breadwinner" and he's more domestic than I am. We do what we want to do and it has nothing to do with gender roles. It feels more like teamwork.

[@hellk8608]

@@Rayenjay I'll 0p

[@irenedavo3768]

Refentse Masekela please Subscribe to Jim Nduruchi

[@keepitfrankwithfentse]

@@irenedavo3768 What does he talk about if you don't mind me asking.

[@dirtydan5399]

@Turquoise Cheetah strong men come arguing with random people on KZbin?

[@christthelord91]

Melissa looks so beautiful!

[@fatiie]

So so beautiful, always!

[@Honeyluvssteph]

Yes!

[@tracyreadytv]

Yes she does!!

[@jmeiahburke5388]

Very 😍

[@chocolateangel8743]

Kevin is lucky they got together when they were so young. I know some guy that admit that they weren't the best looking and didn't have much going for them. They knew that, if they didn't get with the woman they had at such a young age, they wouldn't be able to get her.

[@JMeyer1112]

I'm all for people following their dreams just not at my expense. I'm not "holding him down till he gets on his feet🤣🤣" been there done that NEVER AGAIN. A man doesn't have to come perfect but he can't come empty handed 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@NurseBrit]

Looks like you just chose the wrong ones to hold it down for. Some men have goals with dedication and commitment and they soar in that period of time. Some of the men who just needed a little encouragement make 6+ figures today.

[@tnewsy7278]

Ok??

[@db917]

what if he did not come empty handed but along the way he faces struggles that put him down?

[@godsgirl7201]

@@db917 true

[@godsgirl7201]

@@NurseBrit true

[@jayc.7135]

Devale & Khadeen the only couple here who didnt really have to move to LA to chase their dreams. They just did it for a lil convenience to it. Facts!

[@DeeDaKang1]

How many women would have dealt with their husband leaving the NFL????

[@GoogleAccount00]

"She was the only (goofy) one who stuck by me for 7 years, while I was homeless. I know no one else would've done that, so I decided to marry her." What?!?! Enough of the, "I'm marrying her as a last resort" behavior; it's sick. And ladies STOP letting these grown boys use you and waste your time like this. Level Up. Do the work on yourself, and stop SETTLING for less. Get a man who is willing and ABLE to TAKE CARE OF YOU.

[@AliciaMitchell]

Exactly. I was wondering why they said their marriage started off rough when they've only been married for 2 years but now I see why. That was super cringe.

[@ShawnteAmoure]

That was my EXACT reaction!!! I expected someone to address that. Plus he saying he wasn't even dating her but she felt they were dating. Nah, that ain't the business at all.

[@D_A_Marv]

Simply put, they settled.

[@acemamchenry1573]

Interesting perspective...I didn’t take it that way. He sounded grateful to me.

[@aura5944]

That's what I heard, no other woman would ever do this....and finally after I became super lonely and homeless. But if she knows that's the life she wants 👏🏽.

[@jezalee1]

“You have to do what works for you in your marriage “ 💪🏽💪🏽

[@holdupnow2326]

👀 Issa married Casie just because she stayed when he was homeless.

[@rurrox7597]

🌾👀🌾...

[@marieyellow6923]

I was like, whhaaaaaattt why tf would he said that🙄🙄😬😬😬 at least he's honest 😐

[@AutumnLeaves3405]

I think he probably just expressed that badly

[@zamiiyatanae3235]

Yeah he should’ve listened to the Roomates podcast 🤦🏽‍♀️

[@BlkOnyx0508]

That's what it sounds like...

[@WellBeing999]

People really on here co-signing Casie giving up all her dreams to the point she doesn’t even know what she wants anymore to blindly pursue his, and all for a simple “thank you” that she has to remind him to do smh

[@TeshornMakingMoves]

I was laid off Jan 2011. As a dreamer I was able to pivot and design my own life. Almost 10 years later I haven't worked for anyone else since.

[@victoriavintage9568]

What did you do to be able to be stable. I am on my journey but don't know where to start.

[@faithwinter5980]

The way this was set up was just 🔥 From the questions, chemistry to the answers 🤩 Khadeem and Devale did a fabulous job Keep it up guys ❣ #Excellence

[@viceanterra3]

Gender roles are just roles in my house hold. We both work both in and out of the house. Both of us keep the household running best as we can while keeping morale high. That's it. I take care of the floor and do all the laundry. My wife cooks and takes care of our daughter most because her circumstances allow her to work from home for now. We do the rest of the housework interchangeably. More importantly, none of this is set in stone or rigid. I cook sometimes, I will do my daughter's entire bedtime routine sometimes. We switch up or swap "roles" or whatever when we need or want to. It's not that deep. No egos in the household.

[@AutumnLeaves3405]

Just wondering, was that something you discussed while dating? How do you make sure you end up with someone who authentically feels the same way about gender roles?

[@ecclairmayo4153]

Great point!

[@MissCollazo]

@@AutumnLeaves3405 it just kinda happens but for me it was explicitly discussed because my now husband had strict beliefs about what a homemaker should do. Im not a fulltime homemaker; I have a full time job outside my home, so as you can imagine, with both of us working... traditional gender roles dont work. Fluid roles work best, as long as everything gets done and no one's feelings are hurt. It's a team effort.

[@viceanterra3]

@@AutumnLeaves3405 so sorry for the late reply (I keep my notifications off for peace of mind lol). Monica hit the nail on the head. The only thing you can do is discuss these things and be mindful of how the man reacts to what's being said and the questions he asks.

[@viceanterra3]

@@MissCollazo teamwork makes the dream work. Truth be told, some of the best days are when we wake up on Saturday, play some music on spotify through alexa, and just do all the chores/childcare/cooking together.

[@corinapierce2540]

This was a good conversation....but too perfect. These ladies have to be exhausted....I wish they would have spoken more to the reality of being married to a dreamer...they left out the part about how women are too tired to dream...so what's the exchange or the balance. Idk..this was too perfect.

[@ecclairmayo4153]

They didn't even discuss what her dreams were and how he could help her get there

[@summernight7587]

Dont get me wrong! I'm happy things worked out for them but I could never date for a man's potential nor will I be the Ride or Die Build a man type of woman.

[@caooue7047]

Smh.. they make black women feel like it is your job to be a ride or die and stay and raise a man while he pursues dreams! Like why can’t the person work and have an income while they pursue their dreams ?!?!? You will not live off of me.

[@ecclairmayo4153]

I could never marry a man that wouldn't even claim me for years but had me thinking we were dating. Homeless or not!

[@octislife]

@@ecclairmayo4153 Right! She was holding him down as "his woman", and the whole time he was single.

[@kianamorris9507]

@@octislife imagine doing this the long distance way! I just went through this. I have standards. Dude met them and then realized he could use me and was trying to live off me. But I haven’t left my parents house so he was using them and my parents was not having that!! They told me in order for him to be helped, he would have to get on his feet. They were willing to help him too! But he wasn’t respectful even after all the help he was getting. Whew I’m glad I didn’t settle and I hope for the best with him. I hate being the woman that has to settle for the build a man. I deserve the man that is already built in Christ! Amen❤️

[@domeretaylor4437]

Good talk. Could have used more balance. How do traditional marriages with men who are not "dreamers" and women who are homemakers fare with gender roles? I would be interested to hear a conservative perspective on the topic and see how the panelists respond. Sustaining that LA lifestyle is few and far between.

[@casiousleggett4804]

I agree. But most importantly, I want to see more men comment on this video because a lot of women are looking at this as promoting “struggle love”. 🧐

[@domeretaylor4437]

@@casiousleggett4804 Well in a way it is. But I don't think that entirely a bad thing which is why I said originally that it should have been more balanced. The reality is that most men are not like these men. Hence, they are super influential social media personalities. Most men are not. What is far more common is men who adhere to the traditional model to varying degrees. I don't like the idea of glorifying women who have to support and take care of their men for any length of time but the truth is that is sometimes a reality. The norm is men who are competent, secure and productive on their own and marry a woman to compliment their lifestyle. These progressive relationship types do not represent the majority in my opinion. But I am a firm believer in doing what works for your marriage despite what people's expectations may be. It's God's approval we should be seeking anyway.

[@MegaDiva1999]

@@casiousleggett4804 which it is

[@ecclairmayo4153]

@@domeretaylor4437 - finally a man who sees this for what it is!

[@thesongstylingsoflaradiane5869]

Amen

[@avalea3414]

WAIT WAIT WAIT A MINUTE... he said the reason he married her was because she's was the only one who stuck with him while he was homeless.... 😒.soooo if he was not homeless.... And was living it up in LA with a home, a car and job. he would not have married her. Mmh she would have been a figment of his imagination🤣 this is leading me to believe his decision to marry her was a quick, impulsive decision. made out of either desperation loneliness or a quick come up. because miraculously once she came to LA he was no longer homeless.... he not slick he knew she was in love with him and would probably to do anything for him... What he married her for, I see dogs do every single day.

[@AlheriDB]

Right right

[@blackonyxtv823]

Why you just can’t be happy for them ?Damn 😒

[@christset]

@It’sMicha Milennia Flip it the other way round what do u see?

[@ecclairmayo4153]

Lol plus he admitted that she thought hey were dating but he ain't feel the same way. The game!

[@mebabi44]

I love this! One, itty bitty, teensy tinsy 🤏🏾problem: no one ever eats the snacks! Like not even a little piece from before yall started. Don’t mind me, I’m just fat and they look good🤤

[@Jen-qy4ol]

I don't think they're edible just decoration 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@YTD07]

I was looking at them the whole time lmfaoo

[@SimplyFitwithJay]

😂😂

[@nothandogamede4924]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@ToriRenee703]

I wish this was longer! I love these conversations.

[@malikramon]

You ain’t lying!

[@cindyrobinson5667]

Great conversation. You have to do what works for your family.

[@chengetaimachaka]

Issa and Casie have so many unresolved matters. They were not ready for marriage. They need to seat down and be real with each other.

[@liz5473]

Why does the one with the glasses make it sound like he was settling but really she was 😫

[@ecclairmayo4153]

He made it clear he wasnt really into her and only with her because he was tired of being homeless

[@purpleunicorn5310]

I feel so bad for the young couple, because that's how men think. Starter wives are a thing, and he's already itching to get away from her. He looks down on her despite the fact that he's 1 step away from homelessness and his body language is so closed off from her. No apartment, no list, new apartment, new wife.

[@AfroTapp]

Huh? Step away from homeless? Where do you get that? They said he was established. They are all in entertainment.

[@caooue7047]

RIGHT! Say no to struggle love. Im traditional and I believe men should be the provider of the household period. Maybe these men made it or didn’t but I don’t believe in dreams without someone putting tangible work and things first! I believe most will leave you high and dry when the 2% makes it.. or they will become complacent and believe it is okay to live off a woman.

[@thewise2443]

Exactly

[@gracea3594]

@NYCRudeBoy Maybe non black women but most western black women don’t practice hypergamy because the black community usually teaches young black women to be down for the black man no matter what “he has potential” and when they go after men with money they’re called “gold diggers”, even men that are not rich but financially comfortable as the woman. I’m from the U.K. and I’ve noticed this “ride or die” trend especially with some younger generations of black British women telling each other to help build the black man even when he’s not financially stable because of the whole black love thing.

[@avalonsignoraalmas6150]

@NYCRudeBoy, so what exactly do western women get from marriage?

[@Jordan-cf1ho]

Cassie tripping why in the hell would she marry that fool 🤣 she to fine and to down to earth to settle for that mess

[@dl2310]

Desperation and lonliness will have people do things that are not healthy and good for them.

[@snoodysnoody8118]

Some women are raised to be ride or die type . Stay by your man no matter what . I would have waited until he had a place and a stable job before marriage .

[@ecclairmayo4153]

@@snoodysnoody8118 - I wouldnt have given him my time when he didnt even claim her for years, while she thought we were dating. And he broke too?!

[@WellBeing999]

The poor girl has no self esteem. Poor self esteem will have you choosing poor men

[@mrsbdubc2174]

She married him because she wanted to🤷🏾‍♀️

[@rebeccadoree3226]

“The only reason a dreamer can dream is when there is a solid person at home holding it down.” I’m not married, but I heard her heart. Married or not, please don’t take the people in your life for granted. Not only were these women holding it down, but they protected their partners ego. That’s important. More important than what people give credit for. These ladies deserve it all-every great thing that comes their way. Especially through their husbands!!

[@Terrywood259]

Like the content....Wish I had pushed aside my ego two divorces ago and listened to more discussion like this. We need this....

[@sjacobs1049]

Soooo, the wives don’t have their dreams? 🤔

[@dchappy6985]

Yes, Women have dreams. But men create the world/circumstance that makes dreams possible.

[@dchappy6985]

@Dark Knight whichever, men that build the roads, build the buildings, sewers and turned on the lights.

[@dchappy6985]

@Dark Knight Women may have dreams, but mens dreams are more important, in general. For the slow.

[@85gmb1]

Women can be dreamers but that's not these ladies testimony.

[@shayemoore]

@London A man's dreams are definitely not more important than a woman's. The only way a man's dreams are more important is if his woman makes them more important than hers. Women run relationships so without their approval and support aint nothing happening. I know plenty of women who are pursuing their own dreams over their husband's and these women wouldn't have it any other way. Their husbands work to provide for the household while the wives pursue their dreams. The women in the video do not represent all women. So never allow a man to put his dreams above your own. You should never die to your own dreams in order to let a man live out his. If a man doesn't support your dreams/goals you don't need him in your life.

[@jewelsandgems]

Currently watching this engaged 😅 I’m learning so much!! I feel like there’s so much that happens in a marriage that people don’t talk about, and the only advice they give is, “you’ll figure it out”. I really love that y’all are telling the TRUTH about how to adjust to different circumstances that come up. Much love 💕

[@FitPasson]

Jewel, they don’t tell you because we all have our own journey & story. I can tell you with 20 years of marriage under my belt . You can never try to raise a grown man financially. There are entirely too many opportunities including remote. Remember to always love yourself enough , keep your esteem high. Keep God at the top 🙏🏼

[@roseCbeauty]

What church the guy in the red pants grew up in? I would love to know, also he said he proposed with a ring but she doesn't have one on.. her body language speaks volumes. It looks like she has been giving him everything and he hasn't done much. I feel sorry for her cause she tip toeing with what she says

[@MissHunterELA]

Right! She IS tip-toeing!

[@roseCbeauty]

@@MissHunterELA yes.. its seems that she doesn't want to say the wrong things as to not offend him or make him look bad. Let's see if we get an update

[@beauti2thecore]

Definitely!! It seems like they both just settled for each other. And he said they “talked” until they got married which means he probably was sleeping with other woman when they was together. Some things just don’t sound right

[@MsBuckner]

@@beauti2thecore he also said that she thinks they were dating much longer than he says.

[@juweleverytingirie1207]

Oh lawd, so we are just going to act like it's ok to marry a homeless person that don't even claim u, this dude said she is wrong about the time she think they started dating. Teach your daughters better.

[@marieyellow6923]

Ayo🤣🤣🤣🤣 shushhh

[@BBenn-qq1um]

Agreed

[@michelledowner5148]

Amen to that 🙌

[@KBeautyNyc]

Its definitely not ok! And i don’t like the settling for struggle love til my man get on his feet cause he got potential bullshit either

[@yagirlbeezieb]

I was thinking the same thing.

[@kevinj.harrellmphches1420]

Body language speaks louder than words.

[@rochelleowens6501]

Crazy my husband and I did the opposite. My husband and I were raised in Los Angeles and we picked up and left friends, family, church and jobs to follow my husbands dream to leave Calif. We have been gone for 19 years. Best move ever since Calif is a hot mess.

[@tamikoanderson3076]

Kevin your wife is beautiful! I hope you will be together FOREVER. Beautiful you are, a couple.

[@tiffanyowens5022]

Love this !! really enjoyed listen to all couples. Marriage is a blessing, Two imperfect people comes together and make something Beautiful work!

[@fahnakafranklin8211]

It seems like the man did what he wanted and it was the woman job to facilitate. There wasn’t a lot of discussion in they did to make her dreams comes and to completely clueless of a thank you. A lot of one sidedness

[@Elistedby12]

Completely agree. I'm halfway into the video and all I've heard was about the men's dreams and aspirations. The women have yet to discuss the sacrifices their husbands made to make their dreams come true.

[@TheColletteCollective]

Between everyone, we have 24 years of marriage. This video was 24 mins. Lets not assume these men do not support their wives equally. If you also follow KevonStage and the Ellises, you'll know they're very big cheerleaders for their wives. Not so much familiar with the other couple

[@tashawnahamilton6558]

@@TheColletteCollective thank you

[@ecclairmayo4153]

They didnt even ask what were hee dreams..

[@KeelyB2318]

"Marriage has been rough" says the jobless, homeless man.🤦‍♀️

[@msjreneful]

😂 😆

[@godsgirl7201]

🤣

[@nadiac2268]

Why you taking his words out of context, goofy

[@lateshajohnson3622]

God knows EXACTLY what he’s doing, TRUST his timing 🙌🏽🙏🏽🥰

[@solesista7512]

A man needs to follow after God in order for his wife to follow him.

[@allenlatham3040]

I have to say this was so solid and some great nuggets. I had the experience from getting sick and struggling to work full time and not having much energy around the house bc I went into kidney failure but my wife reminded me all I wasn’t doing and told me I wasn’t a real man and threw in my face how she did most of the moving which made me feel less than a man all the time and around the kids. Watching this allow me to believe again there are good women out here! Thanks for the show 👌🏾

[@brendonkurehwatira9890]

This is a lovely conversation. It's so real. And I love that it's showing so much of marriage being a place where you have to adapt to what works for you and your partner rather than this one size fit for all template we hear off sometimes - the structures. This was amazing. Thanks so much.

[@Dylansmommy28]

Look at the men's faces when it was revealed Issa was homeless when he married his wife.

[@kristalmonique]

I LOVE this!! Great convo and so much fun to watch!

[@kimberlytamar2781]

This was so well done! I learned so many things. This is powerful! Thank you to all of the couples for providing so much insight and wisdom . I am forever grateful!

[@waynebranigan]

It great to hear other couples speak on their relationships. Sometimes, it just nice to know you’re not along. Thanks for sharing!

[@jodiannwilliams3179]

Wow I’m engaged and just came across this video. Such a great video, I’ve learned so much! Thank you for doing this!

[@MentorShelly]

Love the honest conversation about marriage & their relationships #StageKrew in the building 🥰😊😊

[@Jasmine-eq5gr]

What a great video! Loved the honesty, vulnerability and humor that the couples brought to this convo. I feel like this is one of the best videos on youtube that feature Black couples talking about practically about marriage. Keep this up please!!

[@melissafoster8415]

This conversation hit so many important points. Spoke to my 16yr marriage for sure. You just be who you need to be in the moment for each other 😘

[@thewise2443]

So was this how we hold up each other as a couple or how to hold up men & make them happy !?

[@WellBeing999]

Good question

[@Jamilah1117]

I know struggle love is all up on this video so I’ll pass. 🙄

[@Chelbell404]

Logged off after ya boy said he said basically he may as well marry her cause no one else would accept his foolishness. #strugglelove

[@MegaDiva1999]

good call.Im actually more discouraged after Black love after watching this vid.

[@ecclairmayo4153]

I couldnt even finish the video because I knew where it was headed.

[@Jamilah1117]

@@Chelbell404 🤦🏾‍♀️

[@marvellous804]

I just found this channel, and I’m happy to see married black couples telling their stories! Keep up the good work!

[@pastorkingsleyokonkwo8634]

Beloved, I don't know you in person but God knows you. God ministered to me in a revelation when I was on your profile to see things around you,I saw blessings but spiritual attacks holding onto them,in prayers,i saw a woman in the realm of the spirit monitoring and plotting delay in your life, with an evil mirror, and with a motive to destroy. But as I speak to you now her time is up, Render hand of favour with Anything you can afford or give to these motherless foundation (Godstime MOTHERLESS FOUNDATION) in kebbi state nigeria before 2DAYS with faith, as I Rise my hands towards heaven and pray for you they shall serve as point of contact wherever you are, you will receive double portion of grace to excel and total restoration of breakthrough in your life and in the life of your family. Ask for their acct details and help them call the MD in charge of the orphanage to get their details on (WhatsApp or call them [phone] )tell him I sent you. For it is not by might nor by in power but of the spirit saith the lord (zechariah 4:6). You shall testify to the Glory of God in your life. God bless you....................

[@mickeyj6921]

The people who gave a thumbs down have no relationships or no relationship goals and or didn't receive the message these beautiful Black couples provided. Gone somewhere! I loved it! Bless your marriages 10 fold. Thanks for sharing!

[@cubonefan3]

It’s interesting they spent quite a bit of time on talking about how women are like the anchor to help men achieve their ambitions. In reality Men can be an anchor for ambitious women too. (I think they would agree with that it’s just interesting they didn’t spend much time talking about female ambition.)

[@l-3084]

Go watch Chloe_ and she'll straighten out these gender role issues

[@JMeyer1112]

@@l-3084 girllllllllllll chloe is exactly who I thought about watching this shit 😂😂😂😂

[@l-3084]

@@JMeyer1112 Hey sis, yup we vibing my Birthday was on Monday🥰November LOVE we unknowingly understand each other 🤭

[@carolyne121]

Starting to like the show. I heard a lot about the mens dreams....not much if any about the dreams of the women and how their husbands support it

[@ecclairmayo4153]

It was very one sided

[@shantellmckell8788]

Awesome conversion. I appreciate the realness of this conversation. Blessings to each of you and your marriages.

[@iamqueen4429]

I absolutely love this energy. Thank y'all. You all have given me so much to unravel and look forward to.

[@ty87]

This is something that me and my wife wanted to do. Good to see other couples doing it.

[@SimplyFitwithJay]

“It’s hard to have a list when your living in a car” 💀💀💀💀😂😂😂

[@chiedzamatowe4397]

I enjoyed this segment so so so much! Thank you for doing this Khadeen and Devale! God bless your handiwork!

[@steffsteph]

Great show fam! Thanks for the content. Very grateful for KZbin and TV shows outside of cable.

[@1LocWonder]

I’ve been a single mom 18+ years so when I DO start dating again, & get married we’ll have to work out “gender roles” for us. I suck at asking for help because I don’t have anyone, primarily, so that’s been a struggle in my dating relationships in the past. I don’t “‘need” a man technically, but I “need” one romantically.

[@detrixhogan6078]

L.o.l I agree....

[@josiejewel766]

That my thing I do everything but feel content but the romantic aspect yes

[@Eaststoriestv]

You are the woman here in the video kzbin.info/www/bejne/nXeVi41md5yioNE

[@rosej5029]

I'll always be grateful to an ex-boyfriend from my past who demonstrated in his actions that yes I'm a self sufficient woman, but it's a huge sigh of relief to have a partner who can lighten the burdens of my life in ways that ONLY A MAN CAN DO and know he had my back when I needed him. He set the standard for the next man in my life.

[@Wealthybaby]

If you have IG, follow the “femininityDoctor. Go through and read every quote it will be a breath of fresh air. It’ll address the “I don’t need a man in this space” etc

[@ericagreen7792]

This was an absolutely amazing conversation and I greatly appreciate you all for sharing this with us as I am definitely about to share it with others!! #MuchLoveAndBlessingsToYouAll 💚

[@pastorkingsleyokonkwo8634]

Beloved, I don't know you in person but God knows you. God ministered to me in a revelation when I was on your profile to see things around you,I saw blessings but spiritual attacks holding onto them,in prayers,i saw a woman in the realm of the spirit monitoring and plotting delay in your life, with an evil mirror, and with a motive to destroy. But as I speak to you now her time is up, Render hand of favour with Anything you can afford or give to these motherless foundation (Godstime MOTHERLESS FOUNDATION) in kebbi state nigeria before 2DAYS with faith, as I Rise my hands towards heaven and pray for you they shall serve as point of contact wherever you are, you will receive double portion of grace to excel and total restoration of breakthrough in your life and in the life of your family. Ask for their acct details and help them call the MD in charge of the orphanage to get their details on (WhatsApp or call them [phone] )tell him I sent you. For it is not by might nor by in power but of the spirit saith the lord (zechariah 4:6). You shall testify to the Glory of God in your life. God bless you......................

[@Seachange01120]

I absolutely enjoyed this conversation so much. You all really dug into the inner workings of your marriage and what you have done to make it work. You should all feel proud that you didn't allow yourselves to be limited by gender roles and you came out ahead for it. Excellent production, encore!!!!

[@SoNaturelleWellnessChicago]

I just stumbled on your channel, this took me down memory lane. Hanging out with my favorite couples and enjoying deep couples type conversations. Thank you for this video!!

[@CJMeyer16]

TO EACH HIS/HER OWN...Keep up the good work...God bless from 🇿🇦...

[@pastorkingsleyokonkwo8634]

Beloved, I don't know you in person but God knows you. God ministered to me in a revelation when I was on your profile to see things around you,I saw blessings but spiritual attacks holding onto them,in prayers,i saw a woman in the realm of the spirit monitoring and plotting delay in your life, with an evil mirror, and with a motive to destroy. But as I speak to you now her time is up, Render hand of favour with Anything you can afford or give to these motherless foundation (Godstime MOTHERLESS FOUNDATION) in kebbi state nigeria before 2DAYS with faith, as I Rise my hands towards heaven and pray for you they shall serve as point of contact wherever you are, you will receive double portion of grace to excel and total restoration of breakthrough in your life and in the life of your family. Ask for their acct details and help them call the MD in charge of the orphanage to get their details on (WhatsApp or call them [phone] )tell him I sent you. For it is not by might nor by in power but of the spirit saith the lord (zechariah 4:6). You shall testify to the Glory of God in your life. God bless you.....................

[@nomaswativilakazi7683]

Good convo but the number of times I kept thinking to myself “No ma’am, could never be me”😅

[@manstruenature8267]

This video was the most inspirational entity I've seen in a very long time. I know I was guided to see your video because I needed it today. So, thank you for putting a huge smile in my heart

[@emdeevann9602]

CODIE, TOMMY! This is it. I’m really happy to see this format and my favorite couples. Keep up the good work.

[@CrystalH777]

I loved this! Thank you!!💚💚

[@renettecorley446]

Enjoyed every bit of this💞

[@jessicalewis2508]

This is beautiful. I hope a network allows you to spread these conversation starters.

[@kellyfaith4272]

Many thanks for opening up your lives to show real issues and practical ways to handle them. We all change, but the foundation is remain committed to one another, so Adaptability becomes vital.

[@imjustsayin34]

Uhhh when loc girl said « I don’t wanna take his last name because I’m the youngest of 6 girls » that was giving me very much masculine energy 😂😂 if anything you should be the most feminine if you were the youngest because you’ve been provided for all through childhood by either siblings or parents. subconsciously she can never truly trust him because he didn’t bring the table like a man should when starting a relationship

[@evolvingshan7970]

My thoughts exactly

[@bloopityboop]

The man on the right's body language is SO telling. I need for his wife to know she deserves better. Peace!

[@wokemanishboi5003]

She DESERVES what she negotiated for. NO ONE is entitled to ANYTHING.. If she's NOT happy then it on her rectify the situation..🤷🏿‍♂️

[@joannavantull8343]

Really!!!! a marriage is work& I am proud of them for working on Their marriage

[@ecclairmayo4153]

His words were telling on hin too

[@livics610]

I actually love that couple I think it's full of ethereal energy ❤️

[@michelecopeland2863]

Totally agree with Kev..what worked for our parents and Grandparents worked for them! New day and time.. me and my husband are almost 30 years in, we got married at 18 and there have been UPS and downs but through prayer and allowing God to work in our marriage we are still here (and in the words of Dorinda Clark-Cole) and its by the grace of God!

[@janicechung6932]

Very real and enlightening. Good to hear the lessons other couples have learned and good to have validation for thought and ideas on how to adjust. Good job! Thanks.