Body Language Expert Answers Questions From Twitter | WIRED

[@icarusbinns3156]

I’ve always hated making eye contact, and it would make me want to lash out whenever someone said “look at me”. I just… can’t. I cannot do it, and have the action be natural. My boss noticed and said, “You don’t have to look at my eyes. I can see it’s not comfortable for you.” And I appreciate that.

[@twylenb]

That's absolutely natural. It's just a sign of neurodiversity, and that isn't(shouldn't) be a problem.

[@tac0_6]

You must have had a bad time during covid… the only thing visible with a mask is a persons eyes

[@jeezx689]

I have a similar problem. I just look at peoples noses. Noone can tell the difference.

[@icarusbinns3156]

@@jeezx689 that makes it worse for me! I tend to focus on ears if I must. Otherwise, I’m automatically looking all over. For an escape route, approaching danger… at the cute dog.

[@icarusbinns3156]

@@tac0_6 the masks actually made it better. I could focus on that if it was a design one. Or just let my gaze sorta wander if it was a plain color one

[@mariacargille1396]

Half of the reason I find Zoom calls so exhausting is precisely that need to telegraph emotions more obviously, smiling, nodding, etc, especially while taking notes. It's another thing to focus on, and the hyperawareness is draining.

[@broomhilder]

This is me with extended face to face conversations. I start feeling myself get antsy and will usually try to find something that necessitates my attention. Essentially, you have to be giving off very specific vibes for me to feel comfortable staying put and conversing.

[@Bluey306]

i never realized this but you're right! i'm always grateful to Zoom hosts that don't insist on turning on the camera. there's also the side-effect of how in most calls you can also see the way your own face/body language is being displayed on camera, increasing that hyperawareness. one time i turned off my camera because of internet issues (there was a lot less lag if i turned on only my mic) and i was just so much more relaxed in the discussions.

[@dahyimi2185]

It's the same in a conference, a classroom, a group job interview... However, your taking notes gives a good impression as long as you do look at the screen every now and then.

[@yasininn76]

The reason zoom calls are exhausting is the same reason why presenting in front of the classroom or being on a stage is, there's a bunch of people staring right at you, and your brain can't tell the difference so it thinks they're all focused on you.

[@petmashup2672]

About a month ago I got casted as the lead in the play (I’ve never had speaking roles). It is SO draining. Thinking about your body language, facial expressions, blocking, lines, as well as pretending to be upbeat or yelling when you’re exhausted is so so tiring. I thought it would be so great because it’s always been like an unattainable goal of mine to be a real character but it’s way more exhausting than you’d think

[@jamesfleming5830]

One way of asserting dominance I've had older people do to me is they'll shake your hand and then keep ahold of your hand while talking to you. It's like subliminally saying "I'll decide when this conversation is over. You leave when I allow it"

[@nooperspism]

Oh gosh. I thought this was just creepy men not knowing when to let go of my hand. I guess they were trying to assert dominance. I’d let my hand go limp and slowly pull away, but they just wouldn’t get the hint. I was recently reveling in how I haven’t shook many hands since the pandemic started and it’s been great!

[@monopolythesecond]

Happen to me. I ended up having to yank my hand loose and looked at him like “WTF was that?!”

[@nooperspism]

@@fallen_vague28 But what if it entices them? How do I dig myself out of that hole?!?!

[@jantterig3]

You could always break their hand if they refuse to let go.

[@saschamayer4050]

Bleurgh, that's creepy. I wouldn't feel dominated at all. But that person would go straight to the top of the "Creeps To Avoid" list. Don't ever do that.

[@greefkarga7898]

Read this guy’s book, loved it. You can even answer these questions yourself once you read it.

[@ShadowGhostHD]

Name of the book?

[@knight_editz67]

@@ShadowGhostHD kzbin.info/www/bejne/a4raY2mNp9-Fhrc

[@usaidtalha6448]

@@ShadowGhostHD what everybody is saying

[@aidenguex1041]

what's the name of his book? I would like to read it

[@toomuchsalt13]

No

[@jarbincks6715]

After watching all of wired's videos, I am pleased to say I am officially a botanist, a linguist, a body language expert, a chemist, sociologist, gerontologist and a biologist!

[@rattaxi9645]

😂

[@emilycampbell5798]

😂

[@acsody]

'It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.' - Mark Twain 😉

[@itslexactually]

“Social aardvark” is such a polite way to call someone a jackass… this has been incontrovertibly added to my vocabulary

[@kimberlym610]

There is a Polish woman at my church with an incredibly strong handshake. If she gets hold of your hand, she will purposely squeeze (crush) it to show how strong she is. I don't think she realizes how much it hurts. (Or she does, and gets enjoyment out of watching the pain.) Very weird. I simply won't extend my hand to her anymore. Super social aardvark!

[@kelsey2333]

​@@kimberlym610sounds like she has a few mental problems.

[@Taima]

@@kimberlym610 fuckin Polish people. Only have sausages and strength going for them so it was either crush your hand or molliwop you with her sausage ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[@richeybaumann1755]

We always hear "practice what you preach", and it's not surprising that he is very good at using body language. He's expressive, confident, and communicates well.

[@MossyMozart]

@Richel Baumann - And I loved how he took off his glasses and stared straight into the camera to emphasis his distain for that so-called "Myers-Briggs Type Indicator" test.

[@maxputhoff1436]

"When a face looks neutral, it is perceived as negative." This is known in academic circles as the "Bitchy Resting Face" effect.

[@bgbthabun627]

for some people it also can mean they have Parkinson's disease.

[@dogwalk3]

rbf

[@kimberlyrs5136]

I was looking for this comment. Now i understand why some of us have to stand listening to "are you ok?...are u upset?...are u sad?" Over and over. Still not gonna force myself into anything unless necessary **lifts eyebrows**

[@bgbthabun627]

@@dogwalk3 rbf=?

[@Chrisratata]

"EXHIBIT A...!"

[@konstantinkoychev1781]

It’s always very endearing to see foreigners talking about our very peculiar thing to have yes and no reversed in Bulgaria. It’s actually an issue for many Bulgarians when they speak another language - the non-verbal language doesn’t make the same instant switch as the verbal one and sometimes you have to force it, so to say. Sometimes I’ve had English-speaking friends look at me puzzled because I’ve kept my “Bulgarian” expressions in non-Bulgarian settings.

[@marto0o97]

I grew up bilingual, BG and English, and my nodding/shaking changes depending on the language. Don't have to think about it, it's crazy, and I've caught myself answering questions in consecutive sentences with the same gesture meaning both yes and no haha

[@treebles]

thank you both for sharing more about your culture! 💗🌏

[@kathydrangea2087]

I also use nodding and shaking my head interchangeably, must be the media influence I suppose. I always find it funny when I catch myself or other Bulgarians doing so :)

[@bulelf]

What I would like to add is that bulgarian horizontal nodding is often perceived as agreement with a notch of disappointment. Like for example: "I heard on the TV that gas prices are going to affect other prices as well" and then the other person proceeds to nod horizontally with a bit of smirk, meaning he agrees and that is unfortunate. Cultural gestures are really a fascinating subject.

[@cedareverly5450]

That's wild!

[@camouldsn]

As someone on the autism spectrum, I was happy when he mentioned that eye contact is a personal choice. It’s not entirely necessary for non verbal communication and I can simply have less eye contact if needed. :)

[@itslexactually]

Yes! Also WHY has no one ever mentioned “approach people at angles; it’s friendlier”?! Like how many friendships have I missed out on because of that?! I didn’t know that. I never thought anything would be wrong with literally just walking up to someone straight-on. Why is autism therapy not sufficiently autism-friendly? This should have been covered Day One.

[@surgiosurge]

He was being polite, bro. He said in another video that eye contact is biological. Apes do that and the one that maintain eye contact the most asserts more dominance over the others that those who does not. Or was it another former FBI? Idk.

[@sirreginaldfishingtonxvii6149]

@@itslexactually I don't think you missed out on any friendships, at least not any ones that were worth it. If they judge you that harshly as "unfriendly" because you approached them once in a slightly more agressive manner than you could have, you probably didn't miss much.

[@w.whoisrio]

⁠@@itslexactuallyautism therapy is done with the intent to "cure" autistic traits and kinda "rehabilitate" autistic people for acceptable social interaction, not with the intent of helping the person learn how to navigate their autistic traits. they just don't want us to know that

[@yasininn76]

Lmao then don't l'ok at the eyes, do like eveyone else does and look at the nose or their cheeks. Nobody can tell the difference

[@supersmashbrosevil]

I think this is the first time I see someone speaking about body language without ant pseudo psychology in it, very nice finally seeing someone talking about cultural and individual factors in body language

[@V1bess_]

👍 spot on response

[@lexylunamoon]

Yes! As an autistic girl, I find it very hard to find people talking about body language without saying something a bit ablest, even if its accidental. I personally didn't feel like he got close to that! Definitely appriciated the bit about eye contact, as while I handle eye contact better than autistic people are known for, I still don't enjoy it most of the time.

[@iamshraddhakhedkar]

No more "He's standing like this because he's a sigma male" pseudo psychology lmao

[@letsgoballistic]

I envy the cleanness of those glasses. How come my glasses are always fine but then out of nowhere are like a windshield after a month with no wiper fluid.

[@eoallan1]

That’s a secret the FBI cannot share

[@Bintaro]

That's a great question for Glasses Support 😂

[@loverrlee]

Cuz you need to clean them?

[@Bluey306]

@@loverrlee nah but dude's glasses in that video is SHINING. it is practically sparkling in its cleanness. its sheen is as smooth as just-forged crystal. the light is bouncing off those glasses so clearly that it may even be repellant to dirt and dust itself. legit i'd have cleaned my glasses one minute, and in the next it's suddenly got stuff on it again. when i die and God or whoever is tallying up the grand totals of things i've done in my life, i'm pretty sure like 40% of it all would've been spent cleaning my glasses.

[@donnadaisy333]

😂😂😂

[@emhoj97]

Thank you for your response to the eye contact question. Especially for autistic people where us avoiding eye contact is a common trait, people assuming we're being deceptive or rude or such can be very damaging. Personally eye contact feels challenging to me and raises my hackles. But for some autists it's actually painful. Body language can tell us a lot but eye contact isn't all that.

[@solidsnakesasscheeks]

I heard that looking right under peoples eyes will seem like you’re making eye contact with them. Maybe that could help?

[@leothepuppp]

i have adhd and same here, sometimes i just try to look around the face (hair, cheeks, ears or nose) just to show interest but not look in the eye

[@camouldsn]

@@leothepuppp I have autism and I do this. I don’t like direct eye contact and feel intimidated. Much like eye contact in rest of the animal kingdom. If I do look at someone, it’s usually to look at something besides the eyes. It’s lesser intimidation than direct eye contact.

[@Kyrrial]

I've never been tested/examined to see if I'm on the spectrum at all, but I've low-key wondered since I can't make sustained eye contact, and I'm not sure if the eye-contact-avoidance trait you mentioned is a sign of ASD for me: I *can't* think when looking some in the eyes, so I *have* to look away when talking in order to keep my train of thought (so I don't forget what I'm saying mid-sentence), or if my brain is trying to think about/process something while the other person is talking. Thinking about/looking at eyes for more than a couple seconds makes my eyes water as well, but I dunno if that's related to my aforementioned avoidance haha. I've never claimed to be on the spectrum at all for the record, however; just wondered internally. I'd probably be, like, a 5 on a scale of 1 to 100 if I was, 100 being fully on the spectrum, and 0 being not at all. So even if I was diagnosed as on the spectrum, I'd only consider myself to *technically* be on the spectrum, but not something I'd actually articulate to anyone 'cause it's so minor so as to not really be a thing for me. And, like, I'd feel like I was trying to diminish others experiences or something whose lives are actually impacted by being on the spectrum, which I don't want to do.

[@MossyMozart]

@eggster97 - Another condition that makes eye contact very difficult is social anxiety. In therapy, people are gien practice looking into the eyes of other persons in the group. With practice, it does get easier, though maybe not 100% easy.

[@jimr9499]

Wow. Quite incredible that even babies born blind naturally know body language/gestures. Simply amazing...

[@jubileeYAVEL]

It really is! I'm just a little confused about how that is passed down through genetics

[@JACKHARRINGTON]

Oh, I've been waiting for someone to ask. My guess is that the brain has to develop in a state which will lead to some kind of function later on. It's not born completely smooth or of one consistency, for example, but it's instead got some kind of structure which puts it in some kind of state. And deoxyribose nucleic acid would be able to encode for that state. That's more than enough room for selection of structures which predispose the organism to preferable behaviours. P.s. It's a guess only because I have no research which explicitly says 'yes, it's this way.' It doesn't make it any less sound of a hypothesis. The modesty of a scientist can often become misleading, especially to their detriment.

[@raigrant680]

No they don't!! Different cultures around the world use different gestures, so "body language" is as culturally specific as the verbal language used. It's literally got people killed ffs. What nonsense is this???

[@dasisteinpelicanparty]

@@JACKHARRINGTONyou could just say DNA :)

[@sarahm4669]

I used to talk with a "close talking" peer while standing in the hallways at school pretty often and over the course of our conversation we would always end up moving a couple of meters because they would step into my personal space, I would step back to give a more comfortable talking distance, they would close the space, etc. I don't know how they never got the hint

[@franimal86]

Lolll I’ve had this happen. My solution was to dramatically hug the wall behind me with wide eyes. Like “i can’t move farther back” hahaha

[@franimal86]

“Can you stop getting closer” is what I would have said at that point, but I don’t remember

[@CripticK1ng]

that still happens so much to me 😭 like just give me some personal space lol

[@markdodd1152]

I will actually back up and do my hand up and down in a gesture of a bubble and tell them bubble space please

[@AnymMusic]

A great tip for this, SAY IT

[@TsukiKatana]

I really appreciate the reminder to teach body language skills. I'm autistic and have the capability to learn rote. Learning what to look for, and when to read (or not) into things certainly needs to be taught for everyone, neurotypical and neurodiverse. Because I learned, I could explain to others who ask, "You're autistic, how did you know they were really mad about that?" I would love to see it taught in schools.

[@hellequinm]

Same, lots of people saying about autism and eye contact. Yes we born without many skills, it doesn't mean we can't learn them. I find it pleasing to have a smooth social interaction with people, all due to self-learned social cues and body language. I always find it fascinating how NT people are so easy to read/interact with, for a period of time I was concerned about being narcissistic, but I never did this to manipulate anyone into doing stuff they didn't want to. It has always been to have nice interactions when I need or feel like doing. Made my life easier and I can keep a job that pay my bills.

[@e.s.r5809]

"All repetitive behaviours are self-soothing behaviours" I have ADHD and when I haven't taken my meds I jitter constantly... it's coping behaviour because I'm so understimulated that I'm literally in pain. I'm feeling the neurochemical part of pain. Autistic people do similar things in sensory pain. But when we do repetitive self-soothing behaviours, it's pathologised as 'stimming' (something only we and not 'normal' people do). This man just laid down some truth here. 'Stimming' is a pain management technique and _everyone_ has the instinct. Neurodivergent people are just experiencing higher baseline discomfort a lot of the time, because public space and social culture aren't designed to include us.

[@stormtempterf8058]

Bouncing my leg has been a soothing outlet for as long as I can remember. I liken it to grounding an electric current. I have all this fuzzy anxious/fearful energy, the flight or fight response run amok essentially, and its a way to channel that 'fuzzy' static like energy out of me.

[@Taima]

Literally bouncing my foot up and down as we speak (have my leg laid horizontally and hanging over the side of my chair). You'd think with how much I do it I'd have incredibly athletic ankles and knees for this but nope, it's actually hurting a little because I'm doing it a lot today. Just general irritation and jitter making me do it.

[@LeftJoystick]

On the eye contact thing: In the area I grew up (in West Africa), among the older/more traditional generation, younger people were expected to NOT look at their “elders” in the eye for a prolonged amount of time. It definitely is a cultural thing. I’m a white American dude who grew up in Africa - it’s always interesting comparing life in the US to what I experienced overseas for the first 18 years of my life haha.

[@cjcarlos]

do you like it better here or there

[@patrickbueno3279]

In "traditional" countries people are usually hold not to directly look in the eye for long to people with higher authority.

[@justayoutuber1906]

Asia too

[@crazedfangirl5654]

But that makes sense, you're not challenging their authority

[@LeftJoystick]

@@cjcarlos it depends honestly. I like aspects of both. I’d say I felt happier overseas.

[@fleurmal7648]

When I was dating my husband I found out about the eye contact cultural difference. In his culture it is polite not to stare/look into someone's eyes. But I am used to no eye contact meaning someone doesn't want anything to do with you. So in his head he was being respectful while I was wondering if he didn't actually like me that much 😂

[@aa4488]

Took you some time to develop some common sense, didn’t it?

[@22ergie]

Straight people are so amusing, and entertaining...

[@w.whoisrio]

really really strange comments on this one... i completely agree with you though 😭 i've always struggled horribly with eye contact to the point where i physically can't hold eye contact and speak at the same time, whereas my boyfriend is ABSURDLY good at eye contact. quite literally the most attentive listener i've ever met. so before we started dating i would always be afraid that he would take it in the wrong way and think that i hated speaking to him... luckily he was always very understanding and never bothered by it

[@MickRissling]

A prof I had a million years ago said, "there is no such thing as a neutral face" meaning what he means here in the video. Alway stuck with me.

[@MickRissling]

@@Newman.Cleaner A slight exaggeration. This was about 30 years ago in university.

[@amazinggrapes3045]

??? what facial expression does a dead person make? That's pretty damned neutral

[@MickRissling]

@amazinggrapes3045 I believe what he meant is not that faces can't be made neutral, but that they are not perceived as neutral. wasn't meant to be a riddle lol

[@beepbeep8769]

to elaborate on the mbti since he didn’t: these personality tests have been disproven by psychologists and are meaningless. humans are far too complex to be categorized black/white into several boxes the way these tests do. most humans fall the in the “average” part of a spectrum rather than the extreme black/white.

[@MossyMozart]

@beep beep8 - "...these personality tests have been disproven by psychologists and are meaningless." --- I know, right? They are so awfully silly; how did people get hooked on them to begin with? Looking for easy answers, I guess.

[@beepbeep8769]

@@MossyMozart people love to put labels on themselves whenever they can. maybe it’s to feel superior, unique, or included. it’s the same with zodiac signs.

[@AnotherDuck]

I find those mbti and other personality categorizations more useful for creating fictional characters for a story than for real people.

[@angelmendez-rivera351]

@@AnotherDuck Only if you are an amateur writer. Well-written characters tend to be much more nuanced and in-depth, so even in that situation, these tests would be inadequate. Characters are tend to be more interesting when they are less prone to being categorized into archetypes.

[@grantusthighs9417]

My existence makes a case for MBTI then. I'm the embodiment of the ISTJ type. Each personality type is a spectrum of its own and there's overlapping between personality types with similar functions. To say it's useless is ignorant.

[@kingofsneks4328]

"Approach at an angle to appear more friendly" *Procedes to crab-walk*

[@susanbengston3208]

😂, uh, yeeaaahh, and then be completely stunned as they run away, lol

[@VickyViolet]

🦀🦀🦀

[@HomoSeal]

I'm sooooo glad he pointed out that just showing off how strong your grip is in a handshake is unpleasant.

[@Tabledar]

It's very satisfying to watch people that tout Myers-Briggs get completely shut down. It's just astrology 2.0. That flat "No." was cathartic. Cherry on top was your very expressive and final use of body language. Removal of the glasses, dramatic pause, affirmative nod and neutral stare to sell the point that it wasn't up for debate.

[@fakecubed]

Everything is up for debate. Where is his evidence? What studies into it have shown zero correlation? We're just supposed to believe his appeal to authority?

[@burlapknapsack]

​@@fakecubed Myers-Briggs is absolutely astrology 2.0. It was invented by people that had no expertise in a relevant subject and evidence for either archetype box-shoving system has never existed. There's no reason to humor people that can't do their own research in order to stop repeating pseudoscience.

[@burlapknapsack]

I'm glad someone else loved that as much as I did. I've been sick of hearing about Bacon-Eneggs archetypes since the first time I saw people take it seriously.

[@blandinegay9568]

about children, I agree, but I also think it is really dificult for them... I keep telling my daughter to respect people's space, but she keeps touching and hugging other keed to show friendliness.... she really doesn't pick up when they shy away or shrug her off =) I gess it goes along learning empathy

[@toddlisasmith9512]

I think you are on to something here. There’s probably a developmental sweet spot.

[@fakecubed]

Sounds like she's starved for physical affection.

[@dayanbalevski4446]

Also in Bulgaria, eye contact is extremely important when doing a "cheers" around a table with an alcoholic beverage. You must look at each person directly in the eyes when klinking cups together. In Bulgarian culture this signifies that you are honest in your intentions and meaning, because the eyes are the window to the soul. So, when you say "NAZDRAVE" (Meaning "TO HEALTH") you are also using your eyes to prove that you truely mean it, otherwise if you don't you can easily tell by the eyes that the other person isn't serious.

[@kaushy]

Y'all say "to health" while drinking alcohol ?!! 💀

[@J.o.s.h.u.a.]

@@kaushy All Romance and Slavic-speaking countries do...

[@Necrovoker]

@@J.o.s.h.u.a. I'm French, can confirm.

[@Vario69]

Cheers, my Bulgarian friend. We in Czechia do the same thing! NA ZDRAVÍ!

[@Vario69]

@@kaushy it doesn't kill you if you drink responsibly 😅☝️ the parents must've spooked you too hard when you were young

[@redlophix5670]

Oh, Joe Navarro. My starting point in the world of reading body language, the start of my library filled with books about psychology and my wish to study this, which I will now start in a few months. Cool to see him here!

[@jacoblee9765]

Any recommendations? I'm starting out with What Every BODY is Saying, the Chinese face reading book, and Unmasking the Face

[@sub53r0]

''Why wait til you're 30 years old to learn these things?'' I feel personally attacked.

[@P.M.P.181]

🤣🤣

[@bryanjohnson6948]

I don't disagree with the analysis that a neutral face CAN equate to a negative perception by the other party. I do take issue with people who insist on smiling so much so that it looks disingenuous. Maybe personal, but I would suspect more people would rather interact with someone's genuine presence rather than a fake smile.

[@littlepumpkinseed]

I feel it is cultural. I have Rusian partner and he always has a straight face. I learned to read it but it is hard. Maybe we make negatieve conclusions because we cant read what the person thinks? And are not use to a straight face? Thus feel like they are hiding their emotions. Same as for the Amerikan Smile is ofputting for me as an European.. it feel disonest. Like you are hiding something. It's ok not to smile every second.. creepy!

[@danl1451]

I agree. I notice when people do that smiling and nodding thing and find it unnatural and distracting. Kind of like the way news anchors speak.

[@Aj-zt3fb]

Just like some people have a resting straight face, some people naturally have a resting smiling face. I smile all the time but it’s not to be creepy or to hide anything. It’s just my go-to expression and a sort of reflex.

[@pedrosmith221]

I had to do an exercise in class with a partner, staring for 8 minutes into each other''s eyes in silence. It was one of the most horrible things I have ever done and I think we ended up hating each other.

[@Adam-rt9gt]

What was your teacher's objective for that exercise?

[@pedrosmith221]

@@Adam-rt9gt It was a meditation and mindfulness class.

[@JACKHARRINGTON]

That's nowhere near mindfulness lol.

[@big_tiddie_squad6379]

"hating each other" as a result of prolonged eye contact is utterly ridiculous and asinine. there's no way that two normal people would reach that conclusion as a result of literally looking at another person's eyes

[@amazinggrapes3045]

​@@big_tiddie_squad6379if you too much of the same thing you get sick of it. People aren't special in that regard. What's asinine is denying this in a knee-jerk reaction

[@parodysam]

It’s always interesting to see how they summarize their words to fit into a tweet.

[@ClaraBowInThisLight]

Remember there’s no such thing as a *former* FBI agent.

[@sophiamarie3178]

lol yes they're always watching us

[@carolinedavis9204]

What do u mean? Like they never retire?

[@badcornflakes6374]

Same thing with *former* KGB agents

[@rwxsed]

11:50 THUMBNAIL QUESTION just me lookin out for my homies

[@bricksthatcanmove9679]

I now thank you

[@spaceonisorceress4406]

Thank you for addressing the issue of eye contact. For myself, eye contact feels extremely intimate and personal, and literally the only person I would feel comfortable holding it with is my S.O. I really hope American society in particular can grow past the negative preconceptions with avoiding eye contact. I'm not trying to be rude or deceptive, I just find it extremely uncomfortable.

[@Vario69]

What the heck is a S.O.? never heard of it.

[@spaceonisorceress4406]

@@Vario69 Oh sorry. Significant Other.

[@aa4488]

@@Vario69it’s crazy what a quick Google search a teach you. Or common sense.

[@itsmj3103]

​@@spaceonisorceress4406 when I read "SO" my dumb brain always goes "SOulmate", significant other just never comes first 😂

[@plamenstoyanovphilosophy]

Noticing the thumbnail of the video, as a Bulgarian, the first thing I did was to fast-forward to the bit where Mr. Navarro answers about the headshaking, was not disappointed (shakes head sideways in approval). Joking aside, I guess we are a bit inconsistent because both ways go, depends on the circumstances of the situation.

[@CofiBeenz]

People often think I’m never listening because I’m so uncomfortable with eye contact, so my mom has to explain that I am listening, I’m just very shy and my anxiety acts up more when I stare at someone directly for too long. Thank god for my mom or else I’d never be able to talk to anyone

[@charliefielding2297]

fun fact, if you ask someone to explain something or tell story while sitting on their hands, they will speak slower and have more trouble remembering what they're saying because they can't gesture.

[@JACKHARRINGTON]

I can't say I've ever gestured and I happen to be bad at stories, so maybe I should try that. If I can.

[@babelbabel2419]

In India, shaking the head can mean almost a yes (more like "it's possible"). It's more of a swivel actually but it's rather unsettling the first times for western people.

[@carultch]

It's unsettling, because when someone makes statements that are inconsistent with the way they nod, it is usually a subconscious sign that they are lying. Like your body subconsciously doesn't believe your own narrative, so that you nod "no" while making an affirmative statement. Cultural differences in the way we nod, are usually the last thing that comes to mind, even if you know about them.

[@kent5400]

As a westerner, I've often wondered how to interpret it when an Indian moves their head back and forth, left-to-right, but doesn't rotate their neck at all. To me, it seems like an unnatural act, yet that is clearly not the case. Hmmm?

[@lucilleaudinet6081]

The question about men not reading body language: probably part of it is not caring as much, but also not having to read the people around you as much for safety reasons. Being perceived as a woman in the world is far more dangerous than being read as a man. Just being out in public makes you very conscious of your surroundings, Is someone following me? Is this man gonna stop me and talk to me? Am I going to get assaulted? Etc. And yes those are very real things. I can’t step foot outside without having to deal with some type of negative male interaction. That reality will make you far better at reading people quickly in order to avoid dangerous situations, or escape them. Secondly, women (afab people) are also SOCIALIZED to be people pleasing, obeying and overall more caring. I think it’s engrained in a lot of us that we ought to make people comfortable in order to adhere to society’s expectations but for safety reasons as well. Saying women are better at reading social cues/ body language because of biology and motherhood is very oversimplifying and doesn’t even touch on the fact that women have to navigate a patriarchal society.

[@p.s.224]

Absolutely agree.

[@ainnothin9854]

Better answer than he gave (for most of the questions)

[@twylenb]

Same could be said about anyone who's marginalized unless you have difficulty reading social cues in general.

[@leapintothewild]

@@twylenb Yep, great point. If you’re a minority of any kind, I’d bet you’d grow up with some serious body language skills.

[@busramehanaldemir]

As a woman I totally agree with you!

[@m93sek]

Yay, the man with the utmost clean glasses.

[@scottieapplseed]

Always very well spoken and presenting.

[@badcornflakes6374]

Yup, don't forget you have to be chosen to become part of the FBI. You can't be dumb in other words.

[@brittanygulker2051]

I keep watching Wired because you guys find the best people to discuss topics that they are passionate about.

[@nicholelaskowski33]

Wow thank you for saying, why wait, to teach these things to younger people!! I am an elementary school teacher and specifically take time out of curriculum to teach emotional behavior, how to recognize stress and how to calm down, and sometimes send kids to à counselors office or the library in order to decompress, whilst explaining that I am in no way punishing them. Kids need to know how to régulate, and why wait to teach them

[@dreamlife2351]

In my day ( 1950’s) it was called self control

[@donnadaisy333]

Awesome!

[@elisakeller8912]

@DreamLife Self control refers to behaviors, which are external. Whereas self regulation refers to raw emotions, which are internal.

[@serenityphawx]

7:50 In case any of you are wondering why he just answered "no" here, without elaboration: Meyers-Briggs is pseudoscience and has no empirical basis -- just arbitrarily invented categories for people, based on what someone (without expertise) made up.

[@Alfonso88279]

The biological advantage of women to recognize body language is a myth or at least, is very controversial in the scientific community. Even what he describes seems more like a cultural thing: Since they care about the children at birth, they train their ability. But his opinion is strongly rooted in his generation. It's not easy to shake it off.

[@Mrsakris]

I’m reminded of the movie, “The Gods Must Be Crazy.” According to that movie, the Bush people in that particular part of Africa nodded to say no and shook their heads to say yes. May not be true, but the communication gaffs in the movie are what the movie is all about.

[@Cog009]

Funny, I thought about that scene too! I still don't know if it's true or not, just like I'm not sure if rhinos stomp out fires.

[@NeoViper64]

This was the most informative interview to help improve my day to day

[@de_cre_vi]

The way that girls are socialized vs the way boys are socialized makes quite a difference in these behaviors and understandings, I believe, even more than biology does. Men are fully capable of being sensitive to body language. They just have to be encouraged to pay attention to it more all throughout childhood.

[@chelseawhite7117]

Bumping this and surprised it’s not being talked about more in this comments section. I resent him boiling down women generally being better at reading social cues and body language due to “biology”. We are much more heavily conditioned to learn to sense these things than men are. It becomes necessary for surviving among other women- and it is BRUTAL when you’re raised as a woman, but are ND and not wired to pick up on things that the neurotypical brain decides are normal behaviors. Ignoring the huge cultural component to this is a big misstep, and I’m surprised someone who’s supposed to be a pro would glaze over it so quickly

[@Batmans_Pet_Goldfish]

To answer the question. Yes, men understand. No, we're not going to entertain it. If you've got something important to say, use your words, no matter who you are.

[@de_cre_vi]

@Batmans_Pet_Goldfish wow, ableist much? Have fun trying to travel to any country that doesn't speak English, without using any body language. Language is language, dude, calm down. If someone is gesturing to you, you *can* figure out what they're communicating.

[@Batmans_Pet_Goldfish]

@@de_cre_vi I'm being ableist? That's rich considering that it's actually autistic people who suffer most when you don't directly communicate. And if you travel to a different country without learning the language, that's just you being dumb. The context of the original question was very much about dating, and I was saying that men ignore hints because they're not interested in enabling indirect communication in relationships. If you have something to say, be direct. That's all.

[@KURENANI]

Exactly

[@JACKHARRINGTON]

Wow, watching this guy is like watching some kind of advanced performance. I'm confident in learning and understanding these sorts of things, but to actually do it is a whole other thing.

[@Pellbort]

Oh yeah, we should definitely teach kids how to spot someone who's shy or socially introverted. You know, because kids are so nice to each other.

[@jmodified]

Teach the bullies how to identify the ideal target.

[@sophie7su]

Love how he takes his time talking and gesturing

[@nai6474]

I will never forget this…. Went to my first job in China and they would constantly ask keep asking/waiting for an answer after nodding or shaking my head. One day my close coworkers asked me why l do that and what it means 😮😮 l thought it was universal knowledge/language

[@BwrMgf]

I've never been more engaged with a video so quickly, comes in just for 3 seconds, he says "I chased spies for the FBI" ... done, liked, subscribed and sold my soul.

[@etoinedevries7583]

This series is usually very interesting yeah, no matter the topic. They always manage to find charismatic people who know what they're talking about.

[@michaelfried3123]

fool for trusting an FBI spook with anything...they are as corrupt as you can get, and nothing he said in this video is new to me.

[@EricOnYouTube]

I could listen to this man all day long.

[@Jackkenway]

Maybe that lady is just focusing on her job, she's not interested in getting personal with her clients.

[@CYB3R2K]

I love how he basically didn't responded the yes and no question.

[@azhp42069]

He didn't really answer "why" nods and shakes are yes and no, only that they are mostly universal. But I wonder why it started in the first place?

[@Samouraii]

I believe it's because it's a very easy non verbal action that is learned very early in life. Similar to how mama and papa or dada are very universal, it's because it's one of the first sounds that babies learn to do.

[@normalaverage3328]

My uneducated guess is that it would have something to do with eye contact

[@davademon]

When you feed a baby, turning the head away means no to food and tilting it up to you means yes to food.

[@marbling3]

@@davademon that's what most bodylanguage book explains about shaking and noding, and totally make sense!

[@michaelfried3123]

don't believe a thing an FBI spook says and you'll be in better shape.

[@Besame0]

Love this men, he's so informative and easy too watch

[@chrisfitch972]

I’m sorry did he just say “social aardvark” like I was going to know what that means? 😂

[@jmodified]

It's when you eat ants in public.

[@susanbengston3208]

Love it 😅

[@Thaijler]

Nothing is worse than a limp handshake. You don't have to break their hand, but have some confidence.

[@ChibiChidorii]

The zoom question was kinda weird. Maybe that specific person was very observant? But most professors and teachers I know (including myself) have said they hate zoom clases because even with the camera on its very difficult for them to tell if students are understanding lectures. When we teach we can tell if someone doesn't understand because they make a confused face, or they finally understand because you can see their eyes and face brighten. video calls make everyone seem bored unless they nod

[@bigmyke2008]

I always though the up nod exposes your neck, which signals the other person that you’re familiar and won’t hurt each other. Whereas a down nod is confirmation for a stranger and you hide your neck. Which is one of the most vulnerable spots for an attack

[@LucumLuftra]

Also as a guy we might actually pick up on your ques but don't do anything because we'd rather be right and not do anything than be wrong and do something. (the risk for mistaking a que outweighs any potential "reward" for acting)

[@Charlieto]

I dont do eye contact coz it physically hurts my eyes to do it. I dont pick up on 'hints' and cues coz autism (just say what you mean its not that hard). I struggle with spacial awareness. I can 100% know when people are to close to me if they are doing it. But for some reason i dont notice it if im the one doing it.

[@big_tiddie_squad6379]

ironic of you to have the audacity to claim that something is "not that hard" in your comment while simultaneously listing a bunch of things that are common and not difficult for majority of people that you struggle with

[@Charlieto]

@@big_tiddie_squad6379 coz its not hard to just be honest and say what you mean. instead of trying to make everything a riddle that everyone has to guess what you may or may not mean. but yes you are right. majority of people dont struggle with these things. thats why autism is called a neurodiversity. Its a difference in how the brain works compared to how the majority of peoples brains operate. these people are whats called neurotypical. meaning the common and typical of whats to be considered 'normal range' or 'normal functioning'. autism is not something that can be chosen. sure its possible to learn how to do things to 'look normal' but it doesnt mean it makes things easy or any less tiring to keep up with. but being honest and straight up with what you say IS a choice

[@big_tiddie_squad6379]

@@Charlieto That's the point. Nobody has to "guess" what people mean just because they're not saying it outright. We just know because knowing is normal. Nobody would choose to behave otherwise because we don't need to. You and other neurodivergents are the only ones who are burdened by doing something that almost everybody does and has absolutely no problem with. It's no less hard or unnecessary for anybody to "just say what they mean" than it is for you to just learn how to take universal hints and adapt to social cues. Regardless it doesn't change the fact that your comment is ironic and hypocritical.

[@twilight_lupinesilva4691]

Here's how to do a power pose: T-pose to assert dominance.

[@tm2bee]

On behalf of my husband, I'd like to say that the thing you stand behind is a lectern and not a podium. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. 😉

[@zebediahzwick2664]

How much of what Joe is talking about is backed up by research? He's a great presenter and obviously super knowledgeable, but some of his comments almost feel like cold reading where the analysis is based on already knowing the context of the situation. Also, the comments about power posing despite the fact that Amy Cuddy's original findings are quite controversial with few successful replications of the original study.

[@drewdalenberg4087]

You could probably say that about a lot of these Wired videos, and as he mentions in this video he does do research to inform his opinion.

[@Jaigarful]

One of the fundamental assumptions of body language reading is that people are "normal". The thing is, a lot of people aren't normal and trying to read body language will give you the entirely wrong idea. This happened with Amanda Knox in Italy. Malcom Gladwell has a book about communication, called Talking to Strangers, and it covers this a bit. He covers some studies where seasoned investigators were asked to determine if a person was lying or not, and for some trials, the seasoned investigators had a 100% failure rate. Some people just don't act like we expect. He also covers a lot of the 1990's FBI Spy stories such as Aldrich Ames and Ana Montes and how bad the FBI was at catching moles. Its an interesting read.

[@A0A4ful]

11:50 In some parts of India, people routinely shake their heads, when being talked to. Its not a disagreement, just that they are non verbally acknowledging that they are listening.

[@two-handpianist4517]

I used to have a friend, who always admited to us she was an introvert and had some sort of depression, even though she was never diagnosed for any mental illnesses. Oftentimes when we hung out together, she would actively talk about herself, things like hobbies and chores, and i noticed whenever we talked about things she didn't enjoy, like the exam we had taken, she would openly show that she didn't want to be a part of the conversation, and try to change subject. I thought she was just being a cry baby back then. I also notice that when she sat down on a table, she would spread her arm to the sides, and was uncomfortable sitting next to her that way because i was getting little to no space. Again, i thought to myself that she was just so insecure that she needed more space than others, so i would normally let it slide. Things still sat in the back of my mind though. When i got to an exchange program in Denmark, instead of congratulate me, the first she did was throwing tantrums because she felt like she was the last person i informed (fyi, she was one of the few people i informed directly, most of our classmate didn't even know that i was going). That was the last time i called her my friend, and even till the end, she didn't congratulate me. All i'm saying is, body language matters. It tells more about a person than what they can consciously tell you for however long you are together. You see what you see, and it's important not to make any excuse for it

[@googleuser8192]

I think yur friend is a narcisst

[@cameronschyuder9034]

I'm guessing she was very insecure and though I'm not saying she's lying about being depressed, many depressed people I know (and I felt similar when I was depressed) are quite considerate of others and don't feel they "deserve" a lot of things like having friends or being a bother. She definitely comes off as narcissistic though, which may or may not be an indicator for some other mental illness (not trying to randomly diagnose her).

[@SS-hv7bo]

Wow you sound like someone no one would want to be around.People don't owe you to be chirpy all the time.

[@chase5436]

Hmm. You dropped a friend because of her body language and an argument. Maybe you could have talked to her about why you felt she wasn’t pulling her weight in the friendship instead of using unreliable non-verbal cues to make your entire decision.

[@dalla-think3765]

@@chase5436 read again, his point was proven. No need to talk, he did the right thing taking it as a lesson and moving on in life.

[@vickypedias]

In Bulgaria we do a side to side head shake for yes, and a nod upwards for no.

[@DBSilver2024]

2:20 I didn't even realize I was doing a repetitive motion until this point.

[@dani96539]

I was tapping my foot and playing with my hair at the same time 🤣

[@bardofvoid174]

One thing which may be rather obvious, but something else that can affect how comfortable you are regarding personal space towards another person can also be in reverse, with how comfortable you are with another person; I remember when I was younger, there would be a lot of "leaning over somebody to watch them play videogames on their phone" type thing, and I noticed both experiencing it and seeing others experience it is that at first, people would be asked to stay further apart, but as they got more and more used to those specific people standing over them to watch them, they let *specifically* those people watch over them closer. And I've actually taken this to heart tbh when it comes to how comfortable people are with others; sometimes, people simply have small arbitrary differences at the degree and rate that they become comfortable with others, though often it has something to do with comraderie and circumstance; but sometimes even then, it can be rather arbitrary, and I think there's an art when it comes to accepting and working within those arbitrations we all naturally have regarding social interaction.

[@AnymMusic]

2:55 for dating (or anything really), JUST SAY WHAT YOU WANT!

[@RechtmanDon]

RE: 11:45, head nod yes, head shake no: My father years ago voiced a very reasonable explanation, that may also account for some of the exceptions, and suggests it has its origin during the first few years of a person's life. The baby in the mother's arms moves the head forward and down to feed (nod: yes, I'm hungry!), and turns the head away when its had enough (no, no more, thank you!) Exceptions might be related to the way different cultures have learned to hold babies when feeding.

[@claudiolenato2146]

Meyers Briggs fanatics brought to silence with a simple "No". Oh, the satisfaction.

[@gisellemorones9413]

I used to always think that if I couldn’t look at someone in the eye, it meant that they intimidated me or I was insecure …. It’s good to know that it’s really just preference 🙌😩

[@chungbunger7331]

4:11 is so ominous, what happens if you stare for longer?

[@VideoKingist]

Spontaneous Combustion

[@ourochroma]

You’ll become a wizard

[@vaniog29]

just wanted to clarify for Bulgaria because it's a common thing, we do both , sometimes we would nod and shake for either yes or no, and it entirely depends on the person and the expressions of the face that go along. That might make it even more confusing.

[@amari9]

I love watching videos featuring Joe. I really agree with the last one here, about learning body language at a young age, especially in this age of social media & the internet. I wish I had learned/was taught a bit more when I was younger so I wouldn't struggle much as an adult. I miss out a lot on non-verbal cues because I can barely maintain eye contact and even try to not look at the other person I interact with unless we're particularly close. That's why, I realised if I ever have kids (I don't really want to, but just in case), I would likely have them focus more on social interactions than academia at a young age since, as an adult, I now know that being book smart is not on par with being socially savvy when it comes to attaining success, however a person may define that success.

[@EmmaLangdon]

“When someone invaded your personal space you get uncomfortable”, *sends link to my cousin*

[@moldysangwhich]

11:50 for anyone wanting the answer to the question in the thumbnail

[@privateinvestigator8607]

4:12 you sure about the 1.28 seconds? Because I swear that every time I'm in the city, it takes a half a second of looking for someone to ask "what the F you looking at?" lmao.

[@vctw827]

Hands up if you have clicked all video suggestions and came back to this again

[@lamecgod]

You look at the stars for confirmation and the ground to see how it lands. You look both ways to find a better answer for what is put up to be brought down to earth.

[@fairpoet81]

That's brilliant. I can agree 👍

[@sciathoir]

A firm handshake is a really nice thing, I’m not sure how to explain it, like don’t squeeze my hand like my wife when she gave birth but don’t slap a wet fish in my palm ya know?

[@GChris-ny8fp]

Love the magnifying lens enlarging the titles of his books

[@rinrin4711]

Never knew that squeezing hand during handshake(not overly strong, but firmly) is perceived as something bad, I perceive hard squeezing as showing enthusiasm, confidence and openness, and it stings my heart a little when people don't even close their fingers and their hand just squashes like wet cloth.

[@cara_carambola]

their hands are doing that because you hurt their hands lol don''t squeeze ppl, is weird

[@teratoma.]

Exactly It's definitely not percieved as something bad for a lot of people

[@EskChan19]

@@teratoma. And for a lot of people it is.

[@teratoma.]

@@EskChan19 youre missing the point

[@JACKHARRINGTON]

I always thought you were supposed to do it as hard as possible as well.

[@Psycro]

I just learned about the approaching at angles thing, at *33* years old, while simultaneously realizing I do that 24/7 in my job as a restaurant manager. so... Thanks!

[@NAConen]

Every time he says his name I think he’s about to say, “Hi, I’m Joan of Arc.”

[@lordfeish1927]

body language analysis makes me so anxious because it seems like every tiny thing i do is gonna be read and interpreted as something i have no control over

[@OlyChickenGuy]

Thank you so much for your views on eye contact! (No pun intended) I've always found eye contact immensely difficult, and as an adult I just don't look at people at all. I've also dedicated my life to rescuing and rehabilitating animals, specifically roosters, in which their way of expressing paying attention to you is to face you with their favored eye (birds eyes are generally split so that one is nearsighted, while the other is farsighted, so they may choose a different eye to watch you with depending on how far away they are).

[@lostparadox8955]

ive been shown by an old cop the handshake where you stick your index finger out onto the wrist and if you push in with your finger they cant squeeze your hand

[@christineh86]

Dissing the Myers’s Briggs stuff! Haha yes 👏

[@huggledemon32]

The biological perspective was interesting- as a psych graduate, I would have assumed it was more to do with the fact that women are generally socialised to be more aware and concerned with the emotional states of others, but I guess it’s more another example of “nature versus nurture”!?🤷‍♀️👍🏻

[@raspberrytaegi]

Yeah, as a trans person I disagree with his bioessentialist explanation. “Women are for babymaking” - yikes

[@smoldawn989]

I love how he demonstrates his advice while giving it👍

[@ShadowGhostHD]

Me: *doing circles with my head to trick the system

[@englishlearner-z8k]

I've also read in one ielts passage about the body languages of our ancestors.And in their group the person who could convey their feelings by mimics or body languages they were considered clever than others of course it happened before the invention of languages to communicate 3:04

[@GaanaSrini]

enjoyed hearing him say "vapemyworld"

[@b4unoit949]

1:47 Secret handshake?..Umm, any handshake that leaves a bad feeling in my mouth means I’m probably being thanked after just being roofied.

[@MariankGonzalez]

I think the person asking the question, "How do you identify a bad person?" meant to ask how you would read a person's body language to see if they have a bad motive. Kind of like how there are things you can notice about a person to tell if they are lying to you or not.

[@EskChan19]

And I'm pretty certain he got that and his answer was just that you can't. Ill Intent can come in a variety of ways and as such it's near impossible to point at like... "If he twists his leg a few degrees that means he's basically Hitler". Reading body language is very informative but it's not magic.

[@Iluvpie6]

I’m sure that’s what the question meant, but he deliberately didn’t answer that question because you can’t always rely on someone’s body language to communicate their intentions, and “bad” people can have bad intentions without communicating it through body language at all. I think the speaker wanted to avoid encouraging people to make those sorts of snap judgements.

[@MariankGonzalez]

@@Iluvpie6 Ah, true.

[@MariankGonzalez]

@@Iluvpie6 Sometimes though, it's accurate. Like telling when someone is likely lying, but yeah, I see what you mean.

[@Sednas]

@@Iluvpie6 He's very intelligent to have not said that.