Break Free From Narcissism and Gaslighting

[@TommyTheCat799]

My dad's favorite gaslight is, "You only care about yourself". It's a hell of a projection considering my childhood was sacrificed listening to him talk about adult problems and feeding him supply. As a result of all that conditioning I had no self esteem and exhibited people pleasing nice guy behavior. It makes you easy prey for people like them and eventually I found/find myself completely alone. Unfortunately still live with both my narcissistic parents, but have boundaries like a fortress. I have sympathy for their conditions and understand what made them. Moral of the story is their gaslighting made me conflate self care and personal autonomy with narcissism. Imposing your will on others to fulfill needs is narcissism. Don't be the sacrificial lamb, you matter.

[@DanielJoseph97]

I occasionally feel anxious when investing libido for long periods in my own interests if it's narcissistic or not, but I've been reminded time again by the community and Steve, that the ability to even question that means I'm not one. Amazing video as always.

[@leube13]

Thank you for this Daniel. It helps alot

[@commeceske1981]

I needed to read that

[@nuni6158]

"Economy of indirect control" characterizes quite accurately the family system I grew up in. Even though the main character has been dead for six years now, the rest of the system keeps rolling. After escaping this system twenty years ago, I've remained prone to end up in similar kind of relationship settings. On the way, I've managed to recognize my in-built inferiority (Adlerian level?), but never really have thought of the instinctual basis of all the gaslighting. I've been puzzled by the efficacy of it, not knowing what are those strings that are being pulled. There's been so many efforts to try to hack this cognitively. The point of view in this video gives me a new route to figure this out and maybe become free from this wickedness, that is the story of my life. Thank you, once again. These videos of yours seem to cause me to start venting.

[@cherryblossom4778]

Excellent. Amazingly well done. This video held my attention and gave me the chills better than any horror movie

[@nuni6158]

The music was spot on with the subject.

[@Sonder4444]

Couldn’t have been better timing.

[@javierarencibia4082]

I like the technical explanations.

[@bbeeaauu]

Great video. Just wondering why the dramatic music?

[@ttrainor70]

Glad to finally see a Jungian analysis of narcissism

[@AnnaMishel]

This is correct!

[@JungToLiveBy]

Cheers, @AnnaMishel, Kindest Regards, Steve & Pauline 🙏🙏

[@heioca9556]

It's fascinating to observe these psycho-social trends in social media and online content, i.e. the abundance of material seemingly geared at control by manipulation, and perhaps it is exactly that, as it seems to be the number one tool of mass manipulation in cultures at large. I have however, witnessed this behavior in myself while in the grips of a depressive ego deflation, and would tend to agree with it being largely a defensive mechanism in that regard. Nasty stuff, but I suppose we all have the capacity at certain periods in our growth to make an attempt at control of our environment in this way. Gratitude again for the great work that you all bring to us. Always a pleasure seeing the new content pop up. 🙏

[@tuwheratiaihaka2744]

This one hits home. Great explanation James and Steve. Thanks 🙏

[@renaissancefairyowldemon7686]

Very enlightening video and wonderful explanation.

[@deanhettig1920]

Wow! This is quality stuff, James. 🙏🏼

[@agent_exodus]

Thank you all for tackling this topic. I’ve been hoping for some time that you would. Very enlightening.

[@ArcanumLab]

My partner often labelled me as selfish and self centred. That I am responsible for all the problems in our relationship. I often wonder how is that possible. Sometimes I would say "now is it possible that you may have contributed to it too? " and that would make her rage even more. I have analysed it logically and come to the conclusion that it's not always me. How do I really know that I am not always responsible? How do I call her out without another fight?

[@zero-tension3180]

Another great and informative video. Really Appreciate the format and pace of speech. Very digestible. Thank you all 🙏🏻

[@johnjackson7590]

Im dealing with several narcissists right now. This video is very useful.

[@nordkm5464]

(Accidentally deleted my earlier comment, so reposting.) The video is very insightful, and each of the answers is packed with knowledge... I'm able to see narcissists with much more clarity because of this. Thanks a ton! I am not too sure about the music choice though :) especially as its likely to be viewed by narc-abused people looking for support or clarity...might scare one more than empower? Just my thoughts. 🙏

[@frankoskovia]

Fantastic narration and content!

[@JungToLiveBy]

Blessings @Frank Fli, Kindest Regards, Steve & Pauline 🙏🙏

[@itsmenerdi]

This video is great. It makes me think of someone who used to be in my life, a lot of what is discussed is relatable to this person. At first I was wondering if he was narcissistic through complexes, or if he was a genomic narcissist. And frankly I'm not a 100 percent sure, but I think he is the latter. Perhaps this video is somewhat striking to what I've indirectly been working on in terms of self-development. I've come in contact with an old friend who used to be emotionally abused and manipulated by this person while I was living with the narcissist. In retrospect, there was transference of different kinds onto this old friend when we got in contact again. Which becomes especially clear because of certain experiences lately in combination with this video. Which is a very good supplementation on understanding my old roommate and my experiences with him. You've added an extra layer of depth and insight, thanks guys.

[@mohdhafiz7871]

Based on your experience for decades in clinical settings , do you think that majority of people out there are having this 'narcisistic',manipulative trait in their gene, or just small amount of them will be enough to have an impact towards other people that had to learn these 'trait' from experience in order to survive in social settings?

[@zemog1025]

Liked and subscribed. Glaring truth spoken.

[@icephoenix1024]

Interesting that instinct play big role both for the narcissist and the "victim". Being aware of instinct and intuition, but not acting on it, is maybe one of the best ways to defend against gas-lighting? They feed on reaction, positive or negative. So not react and respond wisely is best.

[@TrinityForceOne]

I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I have this sneaking suspicion that at one point in my life I was subjected to quite a few relationships that ran almost entirely on gaslight.

[@fionaparker6803]

I'm reluctant to label my ex-husband as a "narcissist" However. Whilst I was married to him, I was also a christian and regular church goer. My ex also attended church with me, and was also quite involved, so we were both well known to my pastor, who was also a fully qualified psychotherapist. I had lots of sessions with him over a number of years. A lot was about my extremely abusive childhood. I was recommended a few books whilst at the church, by other people. Including "men who hate women, and the women who love them" !!! Whilst simultaneously being indoctrinated with dogma, that it was "sinful" to divorce. Tough gig ! 😅 I eventually did divorce, and was totally anathematised by the church. I have had a "rescuing" compulsion since childhood. second oldest of 5 kids with extremely dysfunctional mum and dad. I couldn't bear to see my siblings suffer, so would often rescue them. Nuff said. I've come a long way since my divorce over ten years ago. Part of that was not just recognising my ex's disfunction, and his abuse, and daily gaslighting, although that is part of the process. My real road back to health, came with recognising MY side of it. How I also fed into the cycle. My own unhealthy patterns of no boundaries, unable to express anger, people pleasing, fawning behaviour, projecting my own fantasies and expectations onto him ( desperate to make my marriage work, and continually ignoring evidence that he would never change) As much as HE gas lighted me, I also gas lighted him too. Only I did it with all the above behaviours. Worst of all, I gas lighted myself. It's been a long painful road back to "sobriety" and clear thinking. But so worth it. It would be good to see a video along these lines too. To balance things out. I see so much stuff , as you've pointed out, on "narcissism" which can sometimes lead people to constantly analysing THEIR problem, THEIR disfunction, THEIR psychology. A trap I fell into. Constantly using my energy to "fix him". It can be endless, and only serves to perpetuate the cycle of seeing the problem as "out there" and is very disempowering. Not unlike seeing our reflection in a mirror, and we have jam on our chin.....so we get a flannel.....and start cleaning the mirror ! 🤣 The real way out, is to have the courage to see ourselves, compassionately, but with no more gas lighting ourselves. 🙏

[@fionaparker6803]

PS. I'm reminded of the popular self help books from the 90's. The road less travelled etc. I can't remember a lot of the content. One thing has ALWAYS remained though. He said that all mental health disorders fell into "disorders of responsibility" Broadly speaking. On one side. Neurotic behaviour. which is disorder of taking too much responsibilty. "everything is my fault, I can fix it" and the other side, I think he labelled it as "personality disorders" so BPD, narcissism etc. "None of it is my fault" He made the very valuable observation, that BOTH sides are disfunctional, and unhealthy, and we all have these characteristics. A capacity for both. But those of us who are mainly dominated by neurotic behaviour, have more chance of breaking free, simply because we are able to at least self-reflect.

[@sven8880]

Thank you 🙏

[@raab8647]

Thanks for sharing this information. I found the video very informative and made me analyze some places in my life I have projected indirectly onto others. It also made me consider why I was doing those things. I find years of searching for truth from online gurus have impacted my understanding of reality and I’m thankful for the grounding information you and your team provides. Even so, having those past experiences that have shaped my understanding I know there are a lot of things I have to work through individually and take responsibility for in my own life. All the best.

[@jeremymarquart1065]

Whew! Thank you!

[@JungToLiveBy]

Thanks Jeremy Marquart, Blessings, Steve and Pauline 🙏🙏

[@pbac9570]

watching the Simpsons right now and just realized narcistic control is basically what happens when Marge starts paying too much heed to Patty and Selma an moves in with them

[@charlesbourgoigne2130]

Thank you for this very well explained video! Do you have any suggestions how to protect yourself against a narcissist? It seems watching one's own instincts and focusing exclusively on building one's own power is the answer?

[@JungToLiveBy]

Hi Charles Bourgoigne, you've nailed it with respect to the general requirements. The application of them, is always personal, and context specific. Kindest Regards, Steve and Pauline 🙏🙏

[@rayjay369time]

Can a person still have a healthy loving relationship with a narcissist? Maybe by applying a understanding of the individual that has such a character. And are they doomed to never have full self realization and or control of their negative character flaws? Not sure if this video answered that. Also do you guys think that our modern ways have birthed many more narcissist than usual? Thanks to social programing and grooming to a more superficial and self gratifying way of life...?

[@MrGrey-vo2og]

Once I got more educated in narcissism it made it harder to be around my beloved father. I'm experiencing my midlife crisis and don't have the heart for anymore unnecessary stress so I call him out on his behavior.. I believe him to have a heart but just blinded by greed and ego. I've exposed his narcissism and he is getting defensive and cold. We are both experiencing hardship so our relationship is torn. He says he wants to move across the state because of me. There's a difference between an ill willed narcissist and one like my dad. If he was ill willed he would and could easily destroy me. He's tried all his life to belittle me but things could be worse.

[@rayjay369time]

@@MrGrey-vo2og I know the feeling. We all learn at some point to put up boundaries of protection. Even for those we love very much. Like I said I feel like modern or Western culture has just cultivated and nurtured that behavior so much that it's just second nature for many.

[@eisa8478]

Having dealt with one my entire life, you will be broken, and your children will suffer for their entire lives. They do not change, have no empathy and no remorse for anything. They are a danger to anyone around them.

[@nigelford1721]

could it be a last resort effort of the ego to gratify instincts when soo much of the libido is tied up in complexes?

[@yo_g]

Mission Completed after 13 years.

[@JungToLiveBy]

Blessings, Kindest Regards, Steve🙏

[@oddpersona22]

Great💯

[@NOTurDADDY666]

Is there a discord server? I've checked several videos but can't seem to find a link.

[@JungToLiveBy]

We’re in process of moving to Gilded 🙏

[@jerrypixar9245]

Happy Easter to James Steve and Pauline 😇😇😇😇♾♾♾♾

[@leos1204]

I think I could be a narcissist, but idk how to tell

[@connorleemerrion1195]

Bingo

[@Spectre2434]

Can inferiority/ superiority play into this

[@JungToLiveBy]

Hi again @andrewmacaluso123, yes it can, and in different superpositioned ways. Freud, is always 'present' first, so some kind of gratification is demanding to be met (narcissitic demand). Adler comes in becuase homeosatsis has failed, and the sense of 'inferiority' needs thererefore to be overcompensated. However, ehere the narcissism is 'genetic' it can never be satisfied, its insatiable. Its behind every motive, every interaction, every manupulation, but its never enough. Internally, their cognitive (reflexive) model of themselves, considers its adapatation to be entirely justfied. A collapsed self-centred narcissism, has no sense of value or worth in anyone else, unless its for a short term investment into their longer term manipulation of others, for their own gratification. Kindest Regards, Steve

[@tomeryaha6151]

And what is this exaclty this narcissism gene you speak about?

[@JungToLiveBy]

A biological unit of heredity.

[@IdowuAkinde]

🤔