Breaking Free from a Narcissist: How to Take Back Control of Your Thoughts After a Breakup

[@RICHARDGRANNON]

Stella is taking on more clients for her Structure with Stella course: which will sort out your sleep pattern, eating, exercise and stress. On this course in under 10 weeks I lost 7kg, got stronger than Ive been in my life at 45, sorted out a lifelong insomnia issue (I now sleep 7 hours regularly, previously I couldnt manage more than 4 without waking up), sorted out my sleep apnea and cleared all markers for metabolic syndrome from blood panels! Recovery from narcissistic abuse takes STRENGTH, mental, emotional and physical, you must be strong and structured and live within an ordered schedule. Yes christmas is coming (cheat on christmas day, I wont tell Stella if you dont!) so get on this 8 week course and start the new year in good shape with a clear head and a healthy body! Join us here www.strongwithstella.com/strongwithstella-course

[@sanja1502]

Stela is from Serbia?! 😅

[@RICHARDGRANNON]

@@sanja1502Croatia 🇭🇷

[@sanja1502]

@@RICHARDGRANNON Dobro 😄

[@agoodreadsgirl]

She is the sweetest ❤❤❤

[@theoriginal7727]

So grateful for all the material, still working on Richard, and bringing the very important, moral and ethical elements into it as well as philosophy. I know you didn’t get to swing around and focus specifically and exclusively on philosophy in this new face of your life as you wanted to this year! But you still integrate it with the work that you’re doing on personality disorders Phenomenally, well, and in ways that is often missing from most journals. Much love brother thank you. 🎉🎉🎉

[@Tend2Rose]

He lives in my head, because unlike HIM, I am not distracting myself on date sites, porn sites, sucking supply from my neighbours, seducing strangers with charming vocabulary…getting my ego boosted by riding a fancy motorcycle for supply in groups with other riders… I am alone, healing, pondering on why I didn’t allow myself to leave sooner. Self reflecting on my past traumas and how I move forward in a healthy way - learning to love myself again, by filling my own cup and finding happiness from within from God as my guide and protector. He can stay in his demonic and dark world. One day I will wake up and not think of him - cannot wait! God willing it comes soon 🙏🏽

[@theoriginal7727]

Yep… Healing. Of course, all of us humans with an intact, conscience and psyche, ethics and morals, and a heart question ourselves, and sometimes even terrorize ourselves in the aftermath of these relationships! There’s no real way to understand what it’s going to be like, or what it’s like from the outside until you’ve been in one. And we’re trying to prevent ourselves from having happening again, the survival part of our brain keeps looping around to try to find the patterns and ways to make sure it doesn’t happen anymore. But the problem is not anywhere within us, we will find it. The problem that we met evil and we were unprepared for it, because we cannot imagine that there are others who go around gleefully, spreading destruction and chaos like these psychopathic pieces of shit too. Keep watching videos from Richard, I love inner integration with Meredith Marie Miller as well, but there are dozens of great creators on here now also. When I first started finding out about this in 2017 or 18, Richard was a literal lifesaver. Glad that you made it out! You are a gorgeous lady and you will certainly find a person that loves you in all the ways that you want and deserve. Don’t let your heart grow hard and bitter, this was the action of one evil loser, and not all of humanity. (I had two of them back to back, and the healing process becomes more difficult, have my finances and career tied up with the second one as well. That is in nuclear waste and ashes, as you can imagine!)

[@Ellajaie]

Exactly ! Right there on the same journey as you. Good riddance

[@frankly1744]

I am on the same Journey and the funny thing is my Dr. asked me how things were going and if I knew anything of my x. I immediately replied, nope and I don't care what he is up to, whar he is doing, even who he is with. I loved him once, he taught me not to! My mother once said these types teach you hate, she is right although I don't hate him. I just honestly don't care. That question my Dr. asked and my quick reply was honestly refreshing, even to me!

[@ac-hk4fs]

^^This 100%!! Beautifully put. You are doing amazing. I am on the same journey as well. Upward and onward, everyone! We're all going to be ok.

[@almohvn33]

Hi.. Let me tell you.. KEEP doing the work. I mean I had to do 2-3 hours a day. Richard, Sam Vaknin (they KNOW each other) and many others. I had to understand all of it. I mean all of it. It is SATAN.. this is not a mental thing.. this is SATAN! Sam V does not address that. NARC CON does ... I went private counseling with her, one session.. and with Narc Daily.. YOU WILL HEAL!!!! I normally do not watch these anymore.. it took me 5 months of INTENSE self help. Going to a counselor.. I do not recommend! YOU have to do the work and find what works for you!

[@frithalewin]

It’s just occurred to me how toxic the concept of “forgive and forget” is in the context of narcissistic abuse. I’m thinking forgive but never forget and go no contact.

[@scottwwsi]

the only person I forgave was myself.

[@chrissemenko628]

​@YAHAYAH_369But don't forget

[@philjones6522]

I wouldn't waste my time forgiving them unless there was acknowledgement and change on their part. More valuable to forgive yourself and do the work.

[@journeywithjen1358]

Depends on the definition of forgiving. How I do it- I tell myself that person thought they were harming me and doing me wrong, but no one can harm or even reach the essence of who I am, not permanently, not without my permission. No one has that much power. The person wronged the creator who made me lovingly, and their wrong doing is between that energy and that person- it’s kinda none of my business if i choose to walk away, reclaim who I really am, and leave the vengeance/forgiveness to the only one who can truly judge that person. Not my job, not my circus, not my monkey. Sounds trite, but this works for me. It’s not about me, it never was, therefore, I’m not a victim, just someone who had pain due to free will, and is healing, that is my job. This life has pain in it. It is the cost and consequence of being more than a robot with no free will. Without wrongdoing and consequences, there can be no free will. 🤔

[@karinajones1121]

Wish I could flush out his memory it's making me gag 😂 Yet I miss the sex+ company

[@Artist_SBFShop]

I started a memoir and after having written down all my partner had done and seeing the despicable behavior on paper, I almost immediately broke free. I will keep these example in my mind anytime I waver. I WAS COMPLETELY romanticising what was. Get it on paper and stare at it.

I definely will attempt.

[@johannakunze3300]

Oh that is amazing advice.

[@mizzesbee]

I wrote down most of the things that he did to me.....And I was so confused why I stayed so long......I tried to break away from him so many times.....But stayed fully knowing he was cheating, lying, addicted to porn, alcoholic,self absorbed, addicted to dating websites.....Finally had a big argument with him telling him I was so tired of dealing with his bs.....Then he started raging about I was cheating etc.....I went know contact.....And I'm trying to heal from 9yrs of pure hell...

@mizzesbee Just try to reflect on it. Be objective and learn from it. The emotional part is going to be there yet. That's something you have to be ready for as in yourself. I wish I could help but I have my own challenges myself. Hope you can find what you need and deserve within yourself, and hopefully another partner

[@mizzesbee]

Thank you.....I done being a victim......now I have forgiven myself......repair my self-esteem......and ask GOD to continue to strength me while I move forward.....And not to look in my rear view mirror......I appreciate you responding

[@veronicahaney3145]

Alone in your moral standards. Alone period

[@NUCLEARMAMA1313]

Yeeeesss....immune system, weight gain, no Energy, allergies and skin problems...sinus issues, bronchitis. It's been a little over a year. I'm still fighting.

[@annai3394]

I think people who went through the hell of narcissistic abuse and heal are the phoenixes raising from the ashes. It gives your superpower. ❤ Please try to look at your journey from positive way of thinking even though healing isn’t easy process, sometimes you feel you have moved forward, sometimes you feel that you went backwards again. Stand your ground.

[@amieetortoricimccann4993]

Beauty from ashes!!! I'm gonna say it. Special we are!

[@yellowdayz1800]

Are you serious? Have you been through this abuse? I am asking out of curiosity. It is so much hell.. One can't feel so good at all. I am trying to rise out of the ashes. ❤

[@annai3394]

@@yellowdayz1800 I’ve been through it and I’m speaking from my experience. Try and fight for your happiness ❤️

[@jennifergriffin5467]

​@yellowdayz1800 It takes time. I'm out 2 years. I've probably listened to a thousand videos. Keep educating yourself. It took me this long to finally truly understand boundaries. I have so much peace in my life now and I will be working on myself for the rest of my life. It is very painful in the early healing, but as you return to yourself, it gets better. I ditched all damaging people in my life. Best thing ever. We don't have to be tolerant of other peoples BS. ❤

[@robinchilds7492]

When he ended the relationship I calmly walked away and went no contact. I actually felt relieved. I am starting to get my normal life back.

[@amieetortoricimccann4993]

YES!!!! KEEP MOVING!

[@blumenaue7590]

This man is an underrated genius!

[@lilalov1569]

Oh oh oh ! Yes ! Listening to him is My XMas Present ! We should try and clone him as hetero

[@sallymckee5264]

I swear I am falling in LOVE 😂

[@amieetortoricimccann4993]

RIGHT!!!? WISDOM AND INSIGHT!

[@TurinTurumba]

It's like a battle between the mind and the heart, reason and logic vs obsession and emotions

[@marijkek.9732]

I am not only drained by the internal battle of my ex is good/bad, but also the internal battle I am good/I am a bad person. I internalized his projection. It"s exhausting to pull myself out of the 'I am a really bad person' 24/7 😞

[@TheRealVivia]

Yes, this.

[@HeatherDowler]

I don't understand this feeling either. How do you get past it?

[@michaeladenton8178]

I’m sooo exhausted that even trying is like sludge

[@Irisgomesjmjfaith]

I'm going through the same thing.

[@scottzuccone3023]

Same

[@claudiasbarra1044]

Thank you Richard. Last week my therapist said me one thing which changes everything: " YOUR VOICE IS LOVING FOR YOU and the narcisstic voice is against you. Co-dependency is NOT a disorder neither an addiction, neither something to fix or to deal with. It is a strategy to deal with threads. Trying to be perfect or to fix yourself is part of co-dependency." He gave me the exercise to look deep inside and to journal what thoughts I have about myself and to reject all the negative ones and to replace them with loving ones, with my voice wich is FOR me. He said: when you are in pain, there is a belief about yourself which is a lie". I practiced this since 5 days and I am so much better.

[@frankly1744]

That is great advice, a bit of Jungian type shadow work, but simpler. I am going to try that myself see what I discover as writing is a great way of bringing out the unconscious self. Thanks for sharing that idea!

[@claudiasbarra1044]

@frankly1744 great that it may be helpful also for you. For me it was also helpful to forgive myself, my inner beeing for tge negative voices, and sure allowing the emotions which go with it ,feeling them and then decide to release them and to decide that I want other experiences now and then feel in my body how it would feel to have better experiences. Wish you a wonderful time.

[@christinekisso8358]

With all due respect Be careful not to turn into a narcissist has ur psychologist been through narcissistic abuse. Please be careful who you trust for your healing I use the bible kjv n channels with scripture if u like I can share narcissists break your spirit . Thanks for sharing Richard Gran

[@claudiasbarra1044]

​@christinekisso8358 my therapist has been through narcisstic abuse....and the bible says: love your neighbor as you love yourself!!!!. Loving voice doesn't mean narcisstic voice (egoistic) voice. There is a huge difference. My therapist helped me a lot. I don't take this " be careful to not become a narcissist". This is guilt tripping like the narcs in my life did. I don't use the bible to guilt trip myself anymore. The narcissists wanted us to do so. And this doesn't mean that I become a narcisst. I can selfreflect on my mistakes.!!! And it’s not respectful at all to say " be careful to not turn into a narcissist". This is the voice of the narcissist. It really reactivated the narcissists projected voice still running a little bit into myself. I use it as a challenge to reject this guilt tripping voice and to become stronger. This is exactly what Richard is explaining. If you want, check in your mind who told me this? Was it you or the Internationalised voice from the narcissist???? I can say that the more loving and caring I become with myself the less narcissistic I become.😊❤

[@staceystrukel1917]

Does having that voice still there sometimes mean your still codependent? I’m not sure about that. Something can trigger those memories and voice probably for the rest of your life. If you eventually know it’s a false voice and can let it go but just observe it, aren’t you healed? It will get easier and quicker to release it. I don’t know if you can ever truly get a narcissistic parents voice out of your head. If triggers don’t bother you at all then I would think that would be a problem. Not responding to the trigger is the healing. I don’t know, I’m just rambling.

[@MKaufman850]

I heard this quote that sometimes when you're on the right path, the universe winks at you. You showing up in my life through this video, today, is the wink. Thank you.

[@winston_smith_omelette]

"You are not your thoughts: you are the intelligence behind your thoughts." "You are only at the mercy of your core/guiding beliefs, if you 'believe' that you are."

[@bree78rsx]

GRANNON! YOU CODE CRACKING GENIUS, YOU!!! THANK YOU! I THINK YOU'VE BROKEN THROUGH CRACKS INSIDE MY BROKEN HEART, MIND & SOUL! SPIRITUAL BATTLE! POISON! "MORAL INJURY!!!" This explains feelings of being a broken, demoralised, dead inside, empty shell.. Wondering if I've suffered a soul death? Yes! Thank you, from the bottom of my broken battered heart & soul. For restoring a bit of my lost faith in humanity!. Unbreakable Boundaries, around deeply held values, standards, & morality, Is the answer! It begins by dealing with & healing the inner Moral injury.

[@leefossett5777]

I can’t wrap my head around the trauma and how the narcissist leaves victims in their wake with no apparent consequences, no accountability. The narcissist in my family is protected by her flying monkeys. They come to her rescue at the slightest threat to her while she stabs her narcissistic wand into people all day! The injustice! I will definitely set up a moral compass. What she did was/is wrong!!!!

[@amieetortoricimccann4993]

It'll come back around. Count on it.

[@MsLadyKD]

Yes I know I deeply relate to this

[@BIGKUDOS]

Most people assume there was physical abuse involved there could have been without them laying a hand on you I explain it is the most painful experience for the mind to have to endure and consequently affect your health.

[@NeldaVermaak]

I had the problem that he did everything without me knowing.I experienced a beautful ever so nice man who shared an exciting life with me.He was passive agressive.I was in it before I realised.

[@JuliaWest-w2m]

Yer a trip grannon. So fun and true. Thanks

[@gracewright7938]

They break your spirit and it takes longer than a normal heartbreak. It does take WORK to heal and long time. Richard Grannon helped me immensely. On occasion, I still hear him; I pray and it stops, but it does come back eventually. However it does not run my life and 95% I do not think about it.

[@theoriginal7727]

Takes much longer, and it’s much more difficult, because a normal break up is two people where things just didn’t work out, although they tried. Dealing with a narc there was only one person in the relationship, the other one had set out intentionally to destroy this person! we just can’t imagine this, as a normal human being in the outside. Until we’ve been through one!

[@dianeetchells9963]

I'm 66 , my childhood was domestic violence and abuse, I was discarded. Then I married a covert narcissist for 34 years, and I've spent my life discarding me, I'm in he'll. How do I cope,heal and restore my self.

[@scottzuccone3023]

Only by the grace of God through Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

[@stephaniehaney3130]

Ironic timing to find this video I’m driving myself nuts cause I keep thinking and reliving everything 😢

[@theoriginal7727]

It’s really harsh! The abuse, literally rewires and can shut down parts the brain, if it’s long-term, it can lead to mood disorders, easily, and personality disorders, potentially, especially if it’s from childhood… Trauma shrinks the hippocampus and affects the cerebellum and other parts of the brain. And it gets us locked into the middle brain, emotional part, and then we get put on that loop/rumination.can’t think of anything else, but the abuse endlessly! Really hard for a while. And it becomes just a really hard life if it’s ongoing from childhood.

[@jakebowman6781]

The same. Just found it

[@meggbrewerton909]

Same here. I spoke to my sister about me obsessing over the narc this evening, how I can’t just switch it off!

[@yellowdayz1800]

Me to. It is part of the healing process ❤

[@andron967]

The important thing is our platform we call our true self. Thus is our boundary between soul and mind. This is our core. It never changes. But our self images do. The narcissist has a damaged or destroyed platform. So everything is false image. There is no known way to fix them. They have mirrored your image back to you in a perfection form. This is the shared fantasy base. That's why you feel whole and complete with them and there's biochemistry involved. So you are also in addiction. You were high as a kite. That's used for control. You supply their fake self image. They are spiritually dead. They have to have an external supply. It's a matter if survival for them. Just like blood to a vampire.

[@Glitter504]

Well said 📝

[@frankly1744]

Resolved the fight. Am in therapy, now trying to step away and live and support our mutual adult child in a constructive way. Making Headway! Yay!! Thx Richard, always look forward to your content. Always Helpful!!

[@elsh332]

I used to suffer BPD w/ narcissistic traits (I actually believe they are on the same sliding scale, BPD & NPD). I have no stable sense of self. After years of work and recovery, then 2 failed marriages both to narcissists, I've started using a concept I created to help me anchor myself in my true self. I have looked back over my life to find the threads of who I really am in amidst the mess and chaos and dysfunction. I found my "missing self" by taking this approach. But it has been hard!! I have cried over all the lying versions of self I lived, all the people I hurt along the way, and all the hirt I sustained. You are right about self image being malleable. Mine was ever shifting and it caused me to be unsure of who I was - that's what caused my unstable sense of self. Because I was not allowed to discover and then BE my self as a child, I believed my self image WAS me. It was not. Now that I'm allowing myself to discover who I am and live that out, my recovery from narcissist husbands has been incredible ❤️ I'm not only recovered from BPD (which is a serious mental health disorder), I'm also largely recovered from the abuse and the narcs infiltration of my head space! Thank you for putting words to a concept I've been living but had not yet put to language 🙏

[@AmandaMG6]

Nothing is actually *true* in our perceptions but this is a good thing. We can choose to believe what is helpful

[@barebonesbrisco3954]

Yes it feels like addiction! I hate it! WTF? I never had this type of attachment in my youth! Nope I must return to ice cold or stoicism. If you have a heart get rid of it!

[@snoozyq9576]

"the narcissist's intentions for you will continue long after the relationship has ended". Yea. So true.

[@misterdeebs1990]

Right? The hardest part of my healing, so far, has been trying to repair my self-esteem & restore my confidence. The gaslighting, lies, DARVO, cheating, & especially the cruel things she said to me. At the end, when she slid right into a serious relationship with the new supply, it included comparisons between him I that cut to the bone, even if it WAS based on lies.

[@janettrout-gn2cb]

Yes no voice. Anger. Sorrow. Pure sorrow from giving so many years of love forgiveness.

[@yvonnedyer8370]

Yes I agree the narcissists intentions are not good for you at all, so do my best hopeful, get rid of these evil person before they intentionally destroy you emotionally

[@KS-dx5ln]

I was diagnosed with Psoriasis when I was in 7th grade. It was because of all the mental and psychological abuse and some physical abuse also that my mother put upon me. Now I have ankylosing spondylitis, had back surgery 2 years ago and went no contact with my mother Jan 1st of 2023. She retired about 3 years ago and she started up with her crazy gas lighting, blaming and shaming me when she retired. (I'm a 54yr. old adult with 2 adult children and a grand child and I have a career and my own house.) She abused my grandbaby and I witnessed it on the baby monitor when I was in my garage. Then last New years, she was over and went to leave and my 1 1/2 year old grandbaby was standing right in frint of her by the front door which she opened. She knew he was standing there. All of a sudden I hear my grandbaby wailing and crying. I asked her, "What happened?" She stood there in her rage and yelled, well he was standing right here and I shut the door on his fingers." She blamed my grandbaby. She didn't try to console him or say she was sorry. I took her abuse. But when she started her psycho shit with my grandbaby....that was it.

[@iamcuriouswithai]

And you enabled the abuse instead of protecting your own children, I hope you got the courage and strength to finally cut that cord. You have to be accountable and make change.

[@nonserviam12345]

"Deconstruct the matrix" 👏👏❤️ Escape the limbo

[@jasonbrowning546]

Betrayal killed me the lies killed me. Although now I’m in the best space. NOW. Hang in there kindreds. 🙏💚🙌

[@ericking4072]

ESPECIALLY WHEN WE ARE SO LOYAL&LOYALTY IS SOOOO IMPORTANT TO US!HARD TO BELIEVE SHE DUPED ME......YET AGAIN!

[@jasonbrowning546]

@@ericking4072 it’s all they know, forgive 100 times and each time they be worse hurting you

[@joanmarymccormack6877]

They just lie and justify violence antisocial behaviour unfaithfulness And verbal abuse and on and on and until you decide to not accept bad treatment from anyone even siblings parents friends nothing will change. Once you decide to treat yourself as the valuable person you are and have self respect and love for yourself things will change. Getting boundaries and what is acceptable and unacceptable is vital for recovery. Love your talks RICHARD

[@adamelcheikh3991]

I would be told I am not doing enough around the house, I don't do enough with kids, our love is conditional, I only have intimacy cause you want it, she hated my family and always made me feel I was not enough. I then find out she was cheating on me in the most horrific way possible. That was the final straw and I took back the power in my own life. I have five kids with this person and that's the best thing to come out of this false love. Stay strong, confident and love yourself. You can't keep a good dog down!

[@navy_flyer2331]

Your story is literally a MIRROR image of mine with my wife. Only difference is we have two kids. Stay strong, I'm only at the beginning of my divorce process and I know it will be a long and painful one.

[@greennoodle69]

Good luck man

[@amusemusic434]

What i ve experienced it s not only deciding that the behaviour and the intentions are wrong. On top of that you have to accept that bad people exist with bad intentions. It rocked my world vieuw. I needed some time to incorporate that realisation.

[@AndreeaT3003]

It was a hard pill to sollow for me too…people are actually capabile of such cruelty.

[@Wherethereisnodarkness]

No... we ALL have the potential for evil within us... ALL OF US... there's no such thing as a good or bad person, only good or bad behaviours

[@annai3394]

During narcissistic abuse recovery we need enough time grieving. Sometimes we want ourselves to heal fast but we don’t even realize how much damaged we are and we really need TIME for body and soul healing. Battling Cognitive dissonance alone is extremely hard. It comes with ups and downs.

[@bree78rsx]

Yes, this!!! I always believed there was good inside of everyone. After being left feeling completely demoralized & as if my innocents has been torn out. The veil has been torn off my eyes, I see the almost unbearable truth. Evil is very real! & Everyone doesn't have good inside them. The Dark triad & demonic ones are void of empathy, guilt, shame, remorse & ability to bond or feel love.

[@bree78rsx]

​@@Wherethereisnodarknessyou're partly right. We all have the potential for evil inside of us. But not everyone has the potential for good inside of them. Evil comes in all different forms, has no light or goodness inside of it, only evil, darkness & deception.

[@heatherpesterfield8121]

I think when you break free from a narcissist it’s similar to being imprisoned,as you now have this freedom and you’re wary of going out on your own cos you been damaged mentally. You will slowly discover yourself and get new friends who encourage you and don’t discourage and put you down ,it’s a new beginning and just take baby steps because you need to get to know your true self and not the person the narcissist painted you as.

[@AmandaRaye]

This resonated❤ thank you

[@DivineOne-lt3wf]

He’s constantly asking me to forgive him! It’s crazy. Like every single day “I need more patience from you. Please forgive me.” And simultaneously blaming me for everything he does wrong.

[@casperscreativelife2582]

This helps me understand the first year out of my narcissist marriage when I was behaving in out-of-character self destructive ways. I’m starting to see how susceptible I was to this brand of abuse. During the lovebombing phase my low self esteem told me I was nothing without my partner. As the devaluation began, I felt I was nothing with him & also nothing without him. So what did that leave me? I felt so trapped & worthless it is miracle I got out & a miracle I did not end my life. I really value the insights here, as well as the periodic comic relief.

[@auriuman78]

I was a recovered addict when I started my phase. When it all crashed and slowly became worse and worse, denied and invalidated, feeling like I was crazy and imagining things too sensitive blah... End of story I relapsed horribly, far worse than I ever did before my recovery of almost 8 years, almost 11y from the destructive drug of choice. Little over 2 years of hell. She called it fun and partying, more like absolute suffering. I'm slowly recovering over the last year with a couple desperate attempts at suicide that failed. I gave her what she needed, actual ammo to use against me all the time.

[@bio3m]

At the end i agree. I went to a survival school where each morning we hiked the mountain and talked for 30 minutes or so. The rest of the day was learning but mostly silent. At night, stories around the fire. It was amazing

[@simonamihai7188]

Sounds good. Where is that?

[@jodiryan7874]

How you simplify such a soul destroying situation is profound and put in terminology I myself understand so thankyou .your sence of humour is appreciated. .

[@1RPJacob]

In the land of misinformation, the only thing you can trust is what you can see and what you can touch. “Telling that you have worth is not enough, you have to go and experience it.”

[@margaritagomez3490]

We keep hoping they are really the person they first showed you , locked up deep inside and wanting to help them escape ……

[@TheRealVivia]

They are not. You have to break this delusion. That person does not exist. It’s hard. But you have to accept it.

[@cynthia-jo1zz]

I don't even know the real person,,he came in,wanted to be sexual( which I did😢😢) then he started the roller coaster.. I left him before he realised.. i had another narcissistic relationship, i have learnt well no commitment to them

[@richardcopeland6482]

I've got sleep apnea I stop breathing 60 times an hour. My name is Richard, I watch you a lot. As well as others. Dr romani. You are all good, really good! 😊

[@robinfetterly3032]

I have recently found you and your videos. It’s helped me validate what I’ve been through in a 23 year marriage and how to heal and recover. I’m attempting my third time in leaving this relationship and with your help I feel able to do this successfully physically and emotionally. Big thank you! - Robin

[@delicatevenusflytrap9091]

You got this! Try to remind yourself past behaviour is indicative of future behaviour and that is why you need out. It took me 31 yrs… it feels so good to be free. Get your support system in place asap 🌸

[@springBloomsinAwe]

Also don't miss out on Dr Rarmani. She is brilliant

[@mmmmarada]

I am in the middle of the separation process. It is important that you have copies of all the paperwork that shows the value of marital assets and make sure you bring everything of value with you when you leave. If not, if you need to come back for the rest of your stuff, the important stuff will already have been stolen - this includes your important paperwork. I know this from experience. If you can prove cheating or anything that grants you advantage in divorce proceedings, gather evidence quietly and safely. You will need a lot more money for the divorce process than people divorcing non-narcissists, so be sure to squirrel away everything you can in a separate, secret account. But don't stay if you feel you are in danger, just get out! Also it really helps to fain cooperation and complicity with the narcissist and not get his suspicions up. I wish you all the luck with this process, and your happiness and peace of mind back. This process of getting free is brutal, but the alternative is a slow soul death.

[@jeaniepiper6740]

I finally left my 35 year marriage. Within a few months after our divorce was final he was living with a young Asian woman buying her a new Mercedes. Nothing against either of those… just showed me I gave all my love and energy to someone who could never return it. He didn’t cry about losing me… just moved on to a new supply. Hope this helps to give you strength!

[@SunnyDays70s]

Amazing! Strengthen your SELF and never look back!

[@Dolorhictibiproderitolim0214]

Dr Frank Ochberg from Michigan who helped me a little coined the term “ptsd” also told me about how he was working on coining the terms moral injury-

[@chamomiletea5424]

The snakes made me think of Ephesians 6:12 ...and that moment of beautiful silence made me think of Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God." 😌🙏 BTW Stella sounds amazing 💪💞

[@s22centuaryfox]

I think because I always reached out to God and always asked for protection it has helped me see the right from the wrong. The internal jihad is exactly what it is. Also if you had a family that was also pretty negative it's hard to see reality, that's why I mainly depend on god for guidance as people in our lives can be biased. If we can identify their voices and negative impacts then thats a real development. The experience overall has helped me really be more aware and really listen to my gut and the guidances from God. We all deserve happiness and to be abuse free, the acceptance and realisation of who they are was the hardest part especially if they are the covert type but I'm glad I now know. These videos are so important. The experience is a wakeup call to never be passive or over compromise based on people's words and future faking. ❤

[@Micktheadventurer]

Thank you so much. You've helped me spot a real life psychopath aswell and I'm eternally greatful. I've left a huge friend group and moved on. They're evil.

[@Brainlessstateofmind]

You are gonna be yourself again, I am rooting for you.

[@Lucy-ie8qw]

RICHARD!!! This was truly SOUL LIBERATING. I am a therapist and Thank you so much. I feel so grateful I found your page.

[@carolestanford1521]

When you talk about being quite at the end ❤ Before I realised I was with a narcissist (again 🙄) I kept telling him to shhhhhh and listen to the birdsong in the morning, or listen to the motorway noise in the evening. I was so sick of him always making a noise. Talking in circles. Your videos have helped me so much thank you 🙏 a thousand times. Because I didn’t heal from the 1st one I’ve been trapped for over 20 years in a shity cycle of self destruction. Thank you so much you’ve been my angel

[@rosalindd1386]

Thank you ! My story is very long so not going there ! I walked away so many years ago ! I felt nothing as I was so done! Best move ever ! We crossed path's many years later. He asked me to go for a drink ! I said no I There is more to it but I am strong & not wasting my precious time ! Richard you are by far the best on sharing advice ! Straight to the point & not going in circles!

[@Vollepop]

First of all. Thank you Richard for all that you do and for your generosity and for what you share. You have helped me many times over. Next. I started to totally crack up around 22 min when you said “and this is why the aliens won’t help. They’re like this civilization is at stage 5 until they get to stage 4 we ain’t do shit.” Omg hilarious! 😆😆🤣🤣

[@paulacieslikowski9488]

Your explanation of the 2snakes, the split that I experience now really makes sense now. I am clear that what my ex husband did was wrong and immoral. Mean spirited, and his intentions are/were for me to fail and feel like shit about myself. He is a fake person with these ideas that he is good, honest, and kind. He's not. He's sick and I am working to get him our of my head and my life. I think I am more conscious now.

[@dorotejadnb]

That thing about being in silence with others is so true. Stop talking. I used to go to this group therapies that also required a whole group to take a hiking trip every month - a proper whole day hiking in the alps, everyone had to attend. On the way up we were also required to walk in silence. It worked really well! Those hikes were more therapeutic than therapy session itself I’d say.

[@simonamihai7188]

Yes, my mother had the worst intentions for me, and I realized I accomplished all she wished and said. It was an attack on my feminity, not wishing me to grow, to have success. I 've been so silly to have fallen for this, thzt it's unbelievable. Behaving in a strange way, how do I stop? I loved her very much. She lived abroad and always was hungry after her. I would of done anything for her

[@TX-xq6dx]

I understand completely. ❤

[@SherryG370]

I absolutly agree with your outlook. I am going through this battle right now!! It takes time. You need to be very self aware. The good is starting to stamp out the evil ... for me. Been working on it for about 5 months now. Patience my friends!

[@dorisbaker528]

I’ve blocked and unblocked him hundred times with the concept of the snakes battle. Keep getting sick.. you have helped me ! Thanks

[@marisolorosco4345]

Oh Richard. You have helped me so much. I’m am truly grateful to you from the bottom of my heart to the top. I would love to be sitting at a campfire with you. What an enjoyable experience that would be! I’m glad you are taking care of your sleep apnea because we need you to live for a very many more years my friend. Take care.

[@veronicahaney3145]

It is not only the evil taker; it IS THE EVIL GIVER THAT MUST BE QUESTIONED TOO

[@judithdg4266]

I can't stop laughing, Richard.. hilarious. " that's why the aliens won't help."

[@veronicahaney3145]

You sell hopes and dreams. Alone for however long is the ABSOLUTE TRUTH

[@jessniemishamaseen]

Know, define, your moral compas and NO compromise with close relationships. 😮 😊 from day one no excuses

[@bonniebundle6692]

I’ve just been told CPS have decided to go ahead with case against man who attacked me after few months relationship. I’m now worried I’m going to get blasted with cross examination about me being the mentally ill one. I have FND functional neurological disorder. How do I stand against this narc man without cracking up. I feel totally wrecked after the relationship and waiting counselling after getting initial assessment telling me I’m ptsd. This man needs to be charged

[@catrineldeji2463]

True story. I felt like King Arthur all the way along that movie. And the funny thing is that I was in a place called Lombului, like Londinium. But at the end it was Heavenly. 🥰

[@evi-k7o]

That pain we feel is like a bite.... To your soul

[@f.frederickskitty2910]

I was under so much stress due to my husband's jealous rages (whom I later realized was a narcissist) I believe it caused me to become chronically ill. I was finally diagnosed with systemic lupus. I wish I wasn't so afraid of his threats or believed his narrative about myself and took my baby and got the heck out of dodge but I was too scared. The emotional abuse was dialed up to 100 after my mom died and I had no one to turn to to get away.

[@staceface88]

You keep it incredibly real and so far have been the only one that explains it the way way I’ve been feeling it. As far as the line between science and evil. The science and reasons don’t matter as much as the morality behind it. Empathy isn’t enough. Morality either is there or it isn’t. That’s what needs to be remembered

[@marceladelfino8544]

You're absolute right about this topic. One of the snakes is the justification of them. In my mother case I JUST couldn't accept a mother want the worse for her child, because if I accept this fact I will not have any mother, so the one desiring the worse for me is at least one. I did the exercise, but was a battle in a part of my that not want for any cause accept that fact. Also, here is the thing. They're people that ENJOY darkness and their rol. The part that we can't undestand that, urgelly wanna change them. Why we can't accept it? Because we're in the savior archetype? Finding the REAL desire of my primary narcissistic was paintufull but I feel peace now! 60 years of horrific things ends today. I hope!❤ Thanks!

[@BK-lb8uh]

Thanks! I needed that. It is not right to take advantage of another human being.

[@embermurals]

Omg 😂 'I am a mature responsible adult' .. with a good sense of humor.. thanks for the info as usual Richard! I actually had been wondering why it was hard to shake the 'voices' in my head so to speak lately too.. been feeling 90% free from the influence of how the narcissistic abuse tainted my life, but was wondering why it was difficult to fully expell all of it.. our minds are amazing things.. training our brains is exhausting but so interesting how we can regulate so many aspects of our mental and emotional health. Have a great one, thanks again 😊

[@tomsmith6052]

kind of like the vampire leaving a piece of it's self for the ability to haunt or worse, come back or to have some effect that might be active. I need to talk to richard about some mistakes that are always over looked. I just don't like computers and all the internet bs. but maybe I might make contact w/richard, that often a persons assessment of narcissism could actually be dealing w/a psychopath because the checklist is almost the same. so i know this sounds crazy, but if your supposed narcissist is has very large physical qualities then you are dealing w/psychopathy. I made this discovery and some medical dictionaries do point to the heavy set to be more prone to psychopathy. that's why I need to talk to richard. 95 percent of these videos are over looking the psychopath to be a narcissist.

[@FancyTruth1]

Trust Jesus and he will heal you. ❤

[@Anna-jt9fr]

God, this is sooooooooooooo sooooooooooo important. Preach from the hilltops!!!!!!!!!!

[@emmab4323]

This is 100 percent a battle in the spiritual realm. This is good verses evil. Not that the narcissist is aware of the evil spirits they are in tune with. But they are evil spirits they are listening too.

[@MeganSmith-fv7ue]

That is completely what happened with my situation 😕 I manifested his negative and diabolical intentions!

[@susanphillips-t4z]

I just discovered this very thing you speak of. The part that makes sense is one abused by narc does continue based on his intention I am carrying in my mind Great way to express this phenomenon

[@noelanderson2729]

Bingo! I believe in mental clarity. I believe in following Ones Moral Compass. Like a Shining Light. Good Job Richard.

[@In_deine_Staerke]

I grieved my mother whilest she is alive. She is a narcissist. 3 years no contact. Now I saw her again because she is terminal sick. She saxs, but propably is lying again. I will grey rock and set my boundaries to seeing her every 4-5 month for a dinner. I know now she is evil. And morally twisted, lying and sabotaging. I see her. I got baptized this year. It helps me to see her as possessed by a devilish something.

[@ImHisDaughterAba888]

Mine exactly too.

[@jazzminerose]

First I wana say thank you so much to Richard for pointing out that the common dilemma to square away after having dealt with a narcissist is a moral and not a psychological one. So simple, yet easily overlooked and helped me put things into perspective. I think part of what gets us stuck with those two internal snakes is that even though we know what was done to us was wrong, we realize that we were conned by a child in many ways. Second, I’ve listened to so many channels and speakers on Narcissism and I have to say, Richard brings something incredibly unique to the table. Most speakers come solely from the victim’s perspective and can only relay a list of symptoms (either because they themselves were a victim or they’re a clinician who’s listened to countless hours from their patients who were also victims; since it’s almost never the case that the narcissist seeks therapy). They say nothing to the effect of etiology, nor accountability. Then you have the other end of the spectrum, such as Vaknin, who has incredibly enlightening content, but because he himself is a Malignant-Narcissist-Borderline, you get very little information on how to take accountability as the victim. I have listened to about 100 of Vaknin’s 1,000-video library and a part of me feels like he’s trying to leave his mark in academia, not necessarily help victims find peace (quite the contrary). [By the way, I sincerely commend Richard for having the courage to collaborate with Vaknin; that was brave of you.] Then you have Richard, who covers symptoms, psychology, philosophy, spirituality, etiology, taking accountability, healing… even a little humor here and there to lighten the mood from such a heavy topic. I am incredibly grateful for your content and contribution. You seem to really understand, not least because of what you’ve experienced firsthand, but also because you pull together the objective etiology with the practical humanitarian aspect of acknowledging and moving forward (aka learning, something the narcissist can’t do and most victims fail to do from incomplete advice on other channels). ❤ Thank you Richard!

[@theoriginal7727]

Beautiful review, agree with all of this! Especially the bravery of his collaboration. I might consider it full Hardy, especially in retrospect… I am very leery of these people who are claiming to be “self-aware, narcissist, or psychopaths, etc. Everything that I’ve seen of these disorders, even the borderline in histrionics are so evil, and absolutely cannot have the reality of their diagnosis, exposed, or explained, nor acknowledged in the light of day. But I love the philosophical approach, Richard is a bit of a renaissance man and brings a wonderful perspectives, Two other people that I really love are Narc-Con, another English lady, and uses much more of the language of spirituality, but also deep psychology, and it is a fellow survivor. Another one is Bartel skater. She is full on yes, this is a battle of good and evil, narcs and false self are Demon infested, whether by choice or circumstance. Doesn’t matter! And ultimately, they don’t have any power over us, unless we give it to them.

[@carmenl163]

As you seem to have really thought this through, I wonder what you make of the fact that Richard isn't able to have a meaningful, loving, caring and committed romantic relationship. Time and again, he has fallen for narcissistic or otherwise emotionally unstable or - unavailable women. He has done therapy with three different therapists, seeing each one of them every week. And still, he keeps making the same mistakes again. To me, that's a clear signal that he doesn't fully understand. What's the value of having all this knowledge and not being able to apply it? I'd love to know your thoughts on this matter.

[@jazzminerose]

@@carmenl163 I don’t know a great deal about Richard’s personal life, but to that I would say a few things: 1. A struggle to implement does not necessarily imply a struggle to understand. For example, if you’ve watched Sam Vaknin’s channel, he understands the disorder inside and out first-hand but also admits that someone with this disorder is incapable of learning and therefore, changing, which he cannot do. 2. The value is in the struggle, something all too real and familiar to other “victims.” In some ways, someone who’s been divorced 6 times can offer a greater array and abundance of marriage advice than someone who was “successful” on the first try. Perhaps the person only married once was more tolerant and not necessarily happier. I appreciate Richard’s perspective because he was the first I came across that pointed out where he, as the “victim,” went wrong. He understands that it is something in himself that attracted that nonsense and until that’s healed, the pattern will continue. Most channels place blame solely on the narcissist, which in my opinion, is entirely counterproductive in helping the other party take accountability. Relationships are a play of energies; they are not one-sided. Healing is a process and even if someone thinks they’re fully healed, could get triggered down the road, because we’re human after all.

[@carmenl163]

@@jazzminerose Thank you for your answer. I appreciate it.

[@evapawlowska]

Somehow ended up in the resolving moral vs philosophical conflict section. Lol I’ve done it today! At WORK 😂 A recurring issue came up and this time I stood up for myself. Spoke the truth of things as I see them, because I think that is fair to me. lol the last of a week of trials. Here I was still freaking out. I did good 😂 you’re right ❤️

[@brooklyniron1999]

This channel is an absolute life line for me. He has a wonderful talent for metaphor that really, really sinks in. I hope he knew how much good he is doing.

[@reka-agotakvalsund2875]

Nobody else is this good, thorough, precise, honest, deep about narcissism, as you, Richard! Thank you. I believe this and your other lectures should be taught at schools, but also other institutions and workplaces. This IS a - THE - battle for our soul/soul's integrity, the battle between good and evil. And it's a tough on on every level from he most personal to the most interconnected - global level.

[@pattyanstey5867]

Two years no contact. I still can’t get him out of my soul. What did I go though. I’m so frustrated. I wake up crying because he is the first thing that comes to my mind. I don’t want to wake up anymore. I done the hard work. I blocked him why can I not get it out of my soul. I can’t get pass it.

[@Emily-wy8fn]

Praying for you❤

[@Miss5852-lotta]

You have to realize that you're under a spell. His wicked spirit still tortures you. You have to cut all your thougts and questions about this person off, because they cause that there's still that connection that bonds you. Try to understand that this person is not a normal human being with a loving soul, conscience or any kind of morality. And you should pray to the Lord to set you free and make you see beyond the illusion of this person.

[@scottzuccone3023]

Jesus Christ

[@Miss5852-lotta]

Patty are you better now? I know it's so hard to get out of this evil cycle..

[@margaritagomez3490]

I never even slept during with him and I’m in this situation. I know he’s not good for me”. I know I’m not the only one in his life, he’s a full blown player: or should I say he has a lot of supply: but it still hurts. Hoping you will see that sweet charming guy you met in the beginning that don’t exist 😮

[@kulanifernandez3668]

Shout out to Tend2Rose. Yes, they are never alone… only we are over and over again.

[@jontyscho]

I have apnea and insomnia and never sleep more than four hours. I weigh 155 pounds, exercise and play football, and eat as clean as can be. At my wits end

[@Z.November]

Thank you so much man. I feel like you’re the brother I never had . It’s so hard to feel so shameful and guilt just because you try to get away from their claws. When you try to advocate for your rights they lose their mind

[@annalucillada]

another very helpful metaphor. finally it makes sense what cognitive dissonance is and how it plays out in recovery from narcissistic abuse. thank you.

[@bonniebundle6692]

Yep. I’m seeing my ex taken to court but know I’m going to hit an onslaught of blaming me, saying I’m the mentally ill one etc as I’ve had depression previously after trauma

[@huldaherna3935]

Happy holidays to you and I am so glad to see you doing this for yourself. No more abuse, only good things. We do need to stop dancing with the devil. And when the whispers (the narc) in our head start we need to stay strong and piss on the grave of the attempt to raise into power again as our bad habit. Snore NO more. 🐉

[@katmau6138]

Frederik with the mustache now lives in my head rentfree.

[@JebidiahKrackedyetagain-xv9hc]

VERY innteresting video-- kept my attention for over 40 minutes before I felt compelled to tap out this comment! Of course, you constantly reminding me of American actor Keifer Sutherland made it difficult for me to focus MORE on your WORDS than on your APPEARANCE 😶

[@true2theoryapriori497]

So glad to see you are doing so well Richard! You are back on top form - I love this style of videos which you had done more in your early years. Thanks to you and Stella!

[@SusannamariaJONES]

First off, I love the impression of the chronic narcissist looking for supply 😂. I am 1.5 years out from leaving my narc with only necessary communication, TRO and all. I just got diagnosed with lupus. I realized that the same amount of care and attention that I used to put forward towards his comfort, happiness, well-being, and just not pissing him off, is now going towards preparation for hypothetical situations. I've been wasting time and energy thinking of how I'm going to react in certain situations or conversations. It was causing stress that I didn't realize! This video has been so valuable.

[@dsoule4902]

Yeah. They suck.

[@NothingCompares2U]

I recieved an epiphany from above due to not only the suffering they put onto me, but a much neededed criticism, I look back upon my self criticism and learn about my weak points in whatever it is.

[@fiona0595]

Very interesting vid. I suppose also its about accepting and loving yourself more than ever before so you dont accept abuse and harmful behaviour from anyone in your life.

[@djkuchcik7792]

Frederick, Frederick Nietzsche. For no reason :) Anyway Mr Grannon, I want to thank you and wish you a Merry Christmas. But yeah, still here. Damn you Frederick. All the best to everyone here and good luck.

[@nicoletalmadge7276]

16:56 such an important point!

[@MissMusiKmanic]

My parental instructions has infiltrated my mind and my relationships and the last one was damaging because he was just as dysfunctional…but worse with the gas lighting , the voices continue in my mind and my behaviour.The flashbacks and the abuse was horrible and I can’t break free. At times blaming myself for the destruction I caused by my reactions to the abuse. Crazy making stuff.

[@janettrout-gn2cb]

Yes no childhood evil. All narcissist. All the time fighting him over right and wrong.

[@franwilby1254]

The stars and planets talk to each other. Listen ❤⭐

[@clairefoxall2313]

Best info I’ve heard in ages Richard especially the zone out of all that humanity has …created (chaos)& connect with peace etc 😊

[@makinglemonade1483]

Great seminar in London last Sunday. Really enjoyed it, met some lovely people and learnt loads. Thanks Richard and the other attendees 😊

[@tiffanyglaspie563]

I didn’t realize how much he called me a “stupid b****” until he was gone and I found myself saying to myself in my head over everything I did wrong in his opinion that was still mine. We’ve been separated in different households for good almost a year now and it’s been since June this year that I let him in my bed. He’s the only one I’ve been with for 16 years. Every time I say that to myself now I am able to stop myself and tell myself that that’s not true. I just figured it out about a month ago.

[@FancyTruth1]

When your mind continues ask Jesus to keep you in the here and now and the thoughts will stop ❤

[@robinchilds7492]

I have been around narcissists since birth with family, the church pastor and relationships. I had no idea what a narcissist was until about a year ago. The last relationship ended 9 months ago and I am always looking for information so I don't get into that again. I'm currently single and I plan to stay that way for a while.