Breaking Free from Enmeshment: Healing Family Bonds

What is Emotional Enmeshment?
Due to the lack of information on what healthy parenting looks like, enmeshment is mischaracterized as a loving, loyal, tight-knit family dedicated to protecting the child.
Few parents who are guilty of enmeshment realize they are harming their children. Many see themselves as devoted, self-sacrificing parents acting in their children's best interests.
Sadly, the enmeshing parent is in fact using the child to satisfy their unmet need for intimacy, companionship, romantic attachment, advice, problem-solving, ego fulfillment, or emotional release.
🎓 LEARN MORE:
Join my free 6-Day Emotional Mastery Crash Course. If you want to learn why and how feelings (not thinking) leads to freedom and self-awareness geni.us/emotio...
Check out my FREE online magazine-www.thegreatne...
🎓ONLINE MASTERCLASSES:
ACHIEVE Emotional Mastery-thegreatnessu....
💜 Enroll in Private Group Coaching:
www.tguprivate...
📚 MY BOOK:
'Your Journey To Success': geni.us/journe...
🕺CONNECT WITH ME:
Heal The Hurt Weekly Podcast 🎙geni.us/health...
Instagram 📸 @kennyweiss.kw
Facebook 👥 geni.us/kennyw...
Newsletter 💌 geni.us/kennyw...
My Coaching Reviews: bit.ly/30zFTBN
👋 WHO AM I:
Hi, I'm Kenny and I created this channel for you!
It has been my experience that the media, society, and our parents often teach us to avoid admitting, facing, or talking about any of our negative feelings and experiences.
This belief system cripples us. As a result, we are without the basic skills to navigate the simplest of life's ups and downs.
Even worse, it creates a separation from our authentic self because we learn the world will shame us for our slightest imperfection.
My life turned around when I realized that the answer is in the opposite.
I discovered that the solution to an authentic life lies in our ability to admit, accept, and love our perfect imperfections.
That can only happen when we heal the pain from the past that created the shame by becoming trauma informed.
Because when we make peace with even the darkest parts of ourselves, we are capable of loving ALL of ourselves. Therefore we are authentic.
Without it, we are stuck in purgatory. Instead, we are reliving the original pain and shame in our relationships, career, health, and hobbies.
Therefore, the secret to avoiding a life stuck in limbo is developing emotional mastery.
When we gain that knowledge, develop it into a skill that becomes a tool, we stop picking toxic relationships.
We don't settle for unsatisfying careers. We don't struggle with depression or health issues. We stop the self-sabotage!
In short, we develop a deep emotional calm, peace, personal love, trust, and respect for ourselves that we can now share with others.
If that is what you want, you are in the right place.
I am excited to be a part of YOUR journey in helping you to heal the pain from your past, love your perfect imperfections, and reclaim your authentic self by developing Emotional Mastery!
#kennyweiss #kennyweisslifecoach #enmeshmentcodependency

[@dashonnanicole8433]

This describes my dad 100%, he's been this way my whole entire life & seemed to get worse as I got older. I'm 32 now & just starting to deal with all the emotional trauma he's caused

[@kennyweiss]

That’s really sad to hear. If you need suggestions on how to heal I’ll be happy to pass them along

[@dashonnanicole8433]

@@kennyweiss Absolutely! Thank you ❤

[@Hugo_Mali]

Like the part about empaths... I was always wondering how could it be a good thing to feel other people's emotions.

[@ThePlatformSA-jq3lr]

I’ve been enmeshed tremendously!! I didn’t know till I’d have these random fits of rage. Like someone asking me to do something or if my own kids would do something “naughty” but honestly within the bounds of just being a child. I’d get sooo angry inside. I’m so fortunate to be on a spiritual journey coz that’s what lead me to even discovering the term “enmeshment.” I’m happy because now I’m in a position to do better. I’ve promised not to do to my kids what was done to me. Especially my son. Thank God he’s still only 6 and I have the rest of his life to make up for whatever damage I may have unknowingly already caused.

[@ThePlatformSA-jq3lr]

Oh my gosh. My mom texted and I immediately put my phone on flight mode coz I knew a call was next. Countless calls at that! I unfortunately lost my home during covid coz my business shutdown so I had to move home with my parents. I have two kids so you can imagine the stress of being in my 30’s having to take care of not only my kids but also my parents- who are still within years of being able to care for themselves. They are somehow able to run their businesses but never their own lives. That’s where I come in and it’s draining! They purposely frown upon any ventures I get into coz they know it’ll mean me getting on my feet and moving out. BUT I’m happy to atleast be aware of it. Im happy to be out of victim mode. I’m trying to build respectful boundaries even though I’m still in their home and I know I’ll get a new home soon and start healing within the comfort of my own safe space. Thank you for this affirming video. It felt like a big hug and acknowledgment of my pain. Thank you ✨

[@sarahcouture24]

My dad literally attacked me physically about a year ago when I was in a psychosis and clearly not in a normal state of mind. I was muttering obscenities and slurs towards him in pressured erratic speech as I was cooking for myself in the kitchen. This episode was brought on by my ruminations and looping thoughts regarding the comment he made to me and my mom the morning prior. He had said to us “I would divorce your mom and you after 30 years and abandon you both” which triggered so many instances of childhood trauma from his emotional abuse throughout my entire life. I stewed on this statement and got all worked up emotionally and started talking to a cougar in the woods we had seen the day before, and I was not in touch with reality. But even if your adult child calls you a little b**** f***** and tells you to go f*** y***** under their breath and slanders you during a psychotic episode, that doesn’t mean you get to assault them violently! And then my enabler/betrayer mom tried to prevent me from calling 911 because she didn’t want the neighbor to see a cop car coming down the driveway, that would be humiliating for her. You know what, I hate my parents. I hate them a lot. They’re so dumb.

[@elijimenez7710]

I’m sorry, hun. Sending you a virtual hug 🫂

[@deannecaliforniamusic]

So I just learned that it's possible to keep your own emotions and not let someone change them. What a concept! I'm excited to learn how. Great video. Thank you.

[@El_Sergio]

Thank you. Really got a lot out of this video. The phone call story was on point.

[@simev500]

OMG. When was this playbook handed out to our parents? And then, we repeat this on our kids😢 26:10 Oh, mine would leave her signature voicemail pleading on the 3rd try: "Why haven't you answered my calls? I' m worried sick about you. Where are you?

[@jackietripp1716]

one of my clients has become emotionally enmeshed with me. i realize now i should have had stronger boundaries in the beginning of the contract , but sometimes there is a fine line between being kind and friendly and having your boundaries crossed.

[@kirstenb3845]

I'd love to know how to help a spouse who has dealt with this. My spouse still doesn't see how toxic a lot of his mom's behavior is, but he has been willing to help support me in my boundaries and go to couples counseling. But I know that when it comes to light for him, it will be painful, and I want to support him in healing and growing beyond it.

[@elijimenez7710]

It ain’t ready tbh. Your spouse is not ready to let go. It doesn’t recognize it. I’m sorry!

[@TRUTHSPEAKER-888]

So sad...we are ALL messed up

[@kennyweiss]

Yes, or as I like to say...perfectly imperfect.

[@kaycee625]

Oh my word. This is breath taking. I will need to listen a few times, so much to take in, so much opposite perspective to take on board.

[@angelwolf5089]

I love the term emotional and psychological incest because that's exactly what it is. Thanks for this video it's right on target. I am working on dealing with this now but obstacle that my mom has szcizophrenia and I m her only daughter. I'm aware of that Dynamics but there is no easy way.

[@leahflower9924]

So is the term "mama's boy" applicable here? Lol

[@wilblissful]

What he means by my world revolves around my children is that my childrens lives must revolve around mother in law in my case. Long story but my bil ( golden child) used to tell me things about my ex and mil and i just thought it was teenage agnst but this is what he was trying to warn me of. He struggled heavily and i didnt understand and couldnt validate him, it feels awful. Its too late now, he unalived himself 10 yrs ago. And here i sit in the full understanding of it all. I have a deep hate for them and the extended family now and i feel most sorry for my adult children who had this family. Prayers to all of you suffering with this. His mother just says about what happened.. it was a foolish mistake.. and now she expects everyone to get together on this day so they can all feel bad about what she went through. Now my ex scapegoat spouse has moved into the goldenchild position and he relishes and delights in it. Mom can do no wrong and how dare you say anything about the family! They will try to destroy you.

[@m.s1652]

Nothing to do with the subject but the outfit sharp 👌🏼

[@roserowley911]

I’ve cried so much over this ... 2nd/3rd time over ... stuck

[@edgreen8140]

It' s parents job to let the adult child live and pull away. No critism should occur.

[@Peem_pom]

What you say about empaths is SO true.

[@nichelehunt4519]

This was so informative.

[@davidciccarelli4367]

It's heartbreaking to dispassionately view my life from above and see my behavior and read my behavior as the behavior of a slave. A slave doesn't comprehend freedom when born in captivity. I've escaped, and the cognitive dissonance disturbs me. I've begun recognizing the inconsistencies thank God. I'll be thirty, I'm unsure of a variety of things because no one is perfect because all I've been trying to do and working towards is basic survival and self-suffciency. That's probably a run on, oh well.

[@suekremelberg7644]

Excellent!!💕

[@dalenemarie]

I’m dealing with my enmeshed ex in-laws. My daughter is 31, and her grandma wants her to call or text after she’s home from errands, gym, etc…. To make sure she’s safe. I told my daughter that is ridiculous! I talked to her about enmeshment, and that she doesn’t have to let her grandma know wherever she goes. Grandma, grandpa, and her dad need to see my daughter’s son every day. I felt so suffocated being married to my ex. They fought me when I left their son, and I had to call the cops on them because they wouldn’t let me take my daughter. I felt like I was divorcing all of them! It is so toxic, and when I’m visiting, they try to tell me how to take care of my grandson. I live 2 hrs away from them, and miss my daughter and grandson. My daughter does see it, but doesn’t know how to leave, because they financially support her with a house, food, and anything she needs. I told her she can Always move in with me. I’m angry just talking about it.

[@TheMoonkelly]

What about age appropriate chores? My child is responsible for cleaning her room and bathroom. When the family cleans the house, we give her a list of 3-4 tasks to complete over the weekend that she breaks up so she can balance her school and extra curricular work and have time in the afternoon to talk on the phone and/or go hang at a friend’s house. Too much responsibility? Her dad and I work during the week and need some help.

[@agathangenzirabona8339]

My mom has four children and she always tells my young brother and I that we raised ourselves and we’re the youngest taking care of older siblings

[@ananhuang2243]

I'm new to this healing journey. A bit confused, how is that voice-mail the mother left manipulative? I thought that's she finally learned to respect her son? I'm still learning about the difference between actions and reasonable requests 😢

[@Psalmreading]

Omg.. so right on

[@Peem_pom]

Hi Kenny, do kids who are affected by emotional enmeshment and incest ha e a lot of uncontrollable rage towards their future intimate partners?

[@kennyweiss]

Yes, internalized rage is very common. And yes, it can be directed at their future partners.

[@Peem_pom]

@@kennyweiss thank you for responding, my mom enmeshed husband has a lot of rage towards me and it's so difficult to keep this marriage alive

[@kennyweiss]

@@Peem_pom You’re welcome. That would require some codependence recovery. I have classes on that if you’re looking for solutions

[@teresaalbert5518]

Kenny, if you (me) had some characteristics cited here (thank God not as many as I could have and I truly acknowledge the ones I did), how do we approach our adult children with these without presenting a truly damaged parent? Just let them hear your KZbin and then discuss it? I am in recovery for PTSD and depression for my lost life from my dysfunctional parents so she knows some of this and my daughter and I are in therapy together to address our issues with each other. We are healing and understanding my lack of boundaries and developing some. Thanks.

[@kennyweiss]

Hi Teresa, I have a bunch of resources on my website that I recommend checking out. If you are interested, here is the link- kennyweiss.net/

[@sarahcouture24]

I admire the fact that you own up to your past parenting mistakes and take responsibility for making things right going forward by acknowledging what aspects weren’t particularly healthy in their childhood so that they can receive validation, corrective guidance through education, and therefore heal from those traumas. You give your child such a transformative gift by having the courage and humility to do this. I wish more parents could swallow their pride and do this for the sake of their kids mental health and proper social functioning.

[@lindabelford3647]

Can someone be quilty of this on some of these traits but not all?

[@kennyweiss]

Yes

[@cori1302]

I thought a reason to have kids was so you have someone to take care of you, unless you're a real jerk. So why should people want kids, anyway? What are the right reasons

[@elijimenez7710]

15:29 sorry nope

[@min_oaka2617]

@cori1302 Good question

[@peterharris6604]

Thanks

[@kennyweiss]

You're welcome

[@rosajimenez7777]

I am very sorry for what happened to you. I do disagree however with empaths, some might have a dysfunctional childhood but doesn't mean you need one to be an empath at all. Sensitivity has nothing to do with dysfunction.

[@Hugo_Mali]

However, being an empath doesn't mean being somehow special as many try to present.

[@rosajimenez7777]

@@Hugo_Mali it’s a gift but yes you’re not better than others, I agree.

[@suzaygrenis6044]

@@rosajimenez7777 Most expensive "Not-a-gift" since you pay with your very life, just trying to stay alive! Not a gift but perhaps very heightened intuition is a fruit of it. I feel the vibe and decide no contact> no seances with the dead, not interested, or rather spend my limited time left on this earth doing something that makes me a better person and brings value to others. I enjoy living in Peace. Amen! No more C.R.A.P. Continually Repeated apparitions (Spooks) of the Past. Suzay

[@rosajimenez7777]

@@suzaygrenis6044 no, but I understand if you do not understand.

[@suzaygrenis6044]

@@rosajimenez7777 I do understand for 60+ years. That's the high price, but we all do the best we can and with education, it is better. Thank you, Rosa, iron sharpens iron and so the countenance of a friend. Suzay

[@lavadamorrison4569]

I agree with so much you said however when you are 70 or 80 the so-called child is probably 50, we may just have to take care of a loved one who cannot do it for themselves. Not coming to the aide of an older parent is selfish. I'm 70 and I am taking care of myself and helping my granddaughter by taking care of her daughter. The last thing I want is to have to depend on someone, but reality is before I die, I may need help. A relationship is a two-way street and when your children become adults the relationship should change. And taking care of someone in need is not always financial. The Bible tells us that we are to love and care for one another. Genuine love is not just a feeling but an action.

[@elijimenez7710]

I hope you are a good parent who didn’t traumatized your children with religion for example and control. Then you deserve to be taken care of If not. Sorry, that’s your karma.

[@elijimenez7710]

12:51 bruh…

[@JamesNGames]

It's rather astonishing how some parents believe that regardless of how they've treated their children, they can leverage religion and their misfortunes to coerce us into taking care of them. It's quite remarkable how they expect their offspring to bear the burden of their responsibilities, despite their lack of contribution.

[@RockingRebelYell]

Not all parents want to be good to their kid especially if they see too much of themselves in you. Enmeshment is just one of their many gifts they gave in including domestic violence and many other types of abuse. They aren’t fit to be my parents.