Breaking the Dysphoria Cycle! Heart Says Yes, Mind Says No!

[@Shalanaya]

This is something many people dont seem to understand, as trans people many of us have been living for years in a very disembodied state, and our intuition stems from our body, not the mind alone, but since we are so dettached from it, it becomes harder to listen to that inner voice of the heart, and so instead we are controlled by negative beliefs running through our mind. This is also how for example religious trauma happens, it disconnects people from their body by giving their own inner authority to the outside biblical beliefs. Maybe one solution is to start re-programing our subconscious mind on a tissue level by reaffirming our trust in ourselves while cutting off all the noise and negative beliefs instilled in our mind. I know that worked for me.

[@kathyroux7386]

I was born female and am in my 50s. I have been dealing with gender dysphoria without knowing I COULD do anything about it. Now I know i am trans nonbinary, leaning towards masculine. I really do alternate between looking forward to my HTR appointment in February and eventual top surgery and my fear that I am making everything up. What I am creating is a collage of pictures from throughout my life when I looked the most masculine - when I felt "right" with myself. That way, when I feel the fear of transition, seeing myself happy in those past pictures will help integrate my longing heart with my frightening mind.

[@Lostcause1974]

I started HRT in July at 50. Almost everything you mentioned about the thoughts I had in mind held me back for my entire life. I have gone through this cycle. And while there are times my brain still worries about how i will look, how or if i can afford transition, the very real and high risk this election could end my HRT, my heart is growing stronger.

[@FringeBlizzard]

Hi. I'm a trans woman and feel I'm stuck in a cycle of regret. I get severe dysphoria from my face to the point I get ideations. I've been on HRT for over a year and a half and I feel so disconnected from my face. In my heart I know how I feel on the inside and whenever I see my face I dont recognize who that person is. I'm upset HRT hasn't resolved this issue. It makes it hard to go outside or see people

[@josephbelisle5792]

I dont regret my actions. I am transitioning but only because Ive only recently learned I am trans. My being female, though leaked out my entire life in so many ways, I was horribly traumatized, abused and neglected as a child so its been buried for decades. Its not my fault. I dont blame me in the least. I blame my family, society, religion and mental health professionals. Ive been in and out of therapy my entire adult life and not one diagnosed my CPTSD. Healing much of my CPTSD was key to connecting to myself. The person Ive been searching for my entire life. Most of what is stopping me is anger, rage and grief. Yes I fear not passing. Yes I fear being discriminated against. I dont fear abandonment. I never had support. I have family but they gave me CPTSD. F them. They are not good enough for me. All of the anger, rage and grief keeps disturbing the water and making things unclear and fills me with overwhelming rage and sadness. Actually its my mind that tells me that I will be happy with transitioning and another part of my mind keeps freaking me out. Telling me Im crazy and I should take the path that wont affect my relationship with the rest of the world. It is really scary. But at the same time my dreams can come true. Isolation is not much of a choice for some of us. I know we shouldnt if we have another option but some of us dont have an option. CPTSD has caused me to isolate. My family is wholey against trans people. I dont know anyone else. Yes, ive been torn apart from the begining. But at least for me, processing some of my grief, anger and rage has helped me move forward. My mind is even more now convinced that full transistioning is what I need. What I need. Great video.

[@aemiliadelroba4022]

@@josephbelisle5792 ❤️

[@Alan-ct3bo]

My story is similar to yours. Best to you and your journey.

[@justinkline4633]

People can be so cold. The biggest problem Is because so many politicians have politicized it and has used it just like everything else and that Is to divide. I am middle ground with a lot of things yet lean more conservative. I've had good conservative friends that have been 100% accepting of me and others that it's clear that they have their own skeletons in their closets and just so hateful. My parents also have always been horrible and truly fkd me up demanding I'm not this or that and I'm just "confused " yet Don't know or care to know the first thing about it. I am in love with the love of my life, yet I'm terrified if I tell her that I NEED to do this, that she will hate me and leave. We have 4 children between the both of us and it all just terrifies me and makes me very depressed. It's very heartbreaking and hurtful. Nobody understands unless they are going through it or has done a lot of research like Dr Z. I too still just feel cloudy, my sleep has always been unrestful, I truly feel like a lot of times that I just want to crawl into a hole and cry. Nothing about it is fair and like dr z also said in another video is that gender disphoria is a monster. It's an unseen problem and yet everyone is so quick to judge because they can't see it. I'm not into males at all, only my cis woman, and yet I've heard sooo many say, r u sure you're not gay? Just more of uneducated and people stereotyping. Wish the best for you, hopefully things work out for you. I just keep telling myself someday as I truly feel to fall apart. My woman tells me that if I loved her that I wouldn't need this. People just don't understand and that is what hurts sooo bad

[@constablemittens]

this got uploaded at a very good time for me, thank you

[@justinkline4633]

Dr. Z, I have watched so many of your videos and I thank you for taking so much time to do what you do. It really helps me understand the reality of everything. I have a fiance and we have four kids and honestly I'm terrified of loosing her. I'm already 41 years old and I can't believe how fast my life has flown by. I love my woman and kids with all of my heart but it really hurts me inside terrified to loose my family. As far as other people go, I could care less if they accept me or not. Most of my good friends in the past have accepted me. The ones who have been around for 15-20 years has seen me fighting this and going back and forth forever. A friend of mine Ashley told me that I should know what I need to do by now after watching this for 10 years of friendship already. Everyone probably thinks I'm crazy because I just am a roller coaster of emotions. My eco system has been mostly conservatives all of my life and most have always supported me. I've only had 2 that turned their backs on me. But that's ok, I didn't need them in my life. I have a 2 year old daughter that I'm scared that it would confuse her?

[@mx.lucyfur]

Another timely video! I've been doing a certification in Internal Family Systems theory and have actually been using my own self-work to conceptualize the ideas. (Yes, therapists struggle with their own stuff, too! :D) I've done some guided meditations involving what I'll call the Heart and Mind protector parts in relation to this video. I've had some success getting Heart and Mind to relate and understand how each thinks they're protecting me and validating the other. Looking at those parts with curiosity and compassion have helped create a relationship where I can say, "I know you're trying to protect me and I thank you for that, but I know you also see how staying stuck here is not an option." I've also learned to relax the desire for certainty. The Mind part probably most of all likes certainty. But there are no guarantees with transition. It's lots of little leaps of faith. Rather than fixate on an end goal such as "one day I will live as a woman and use she/her pronouns" then getting overly focused on every last thing that would go into it, I am moving in the directions that feel good. I know I want to see what increasing my estradiol will bring. I know I want to experiment more with my presentation regardless of how I identify. I know I am happier for having started laser last year and will continue with that then move on to electrolysis for all of the lighter stuff (still not looking forward to the pain, though). Rather than trying to get an absolutely certain end goal, I am simply going the directions I feel pulled and seeing what comes of that. The destination doesn't need to be certain to begin the journey - the journey will help inform the destination. But I know staying stuck in the current spot is not an option. I sometimes liken things like this to a wilderness survival scenario. There sometimes comes a time when staying where you are waiting for rescue is not an option because you know no one will find you there. In a case like that, you might have several paths to choose to self-rescue. But NOT choosing a path is almost certain death. And you can always change if the path you chose doesn't seem like it's working out. "Have a plan, but don't be in love with the plan."

[@davep2945]

Yes, the risk versus reward trap is a huge one and has kept me stuck for decades. I know I'm a woman but I also know my body and face shape are not conducive to pass-ability even with surgery I can't afford and pass-ability is important to me. At least in my mind. I want to be one of the girls not a girl who obviously was born in a guys body. It's a tough place to be. It's why I don't always think the question of would you press a button or take a pill to magically transform into a woman is the best way to assess someone's fit for transition. We would all do it if we could magically become the woman (or man) we picture ourselves as in our heads. Especially if all it took was one pill or pressing a magic button. But when you have to go through the process as it currently exists and face the uncertainty of who you will actually be versus the image you have in your mind it makes the question of should I transition much more difficult.

[@CharleyHays]

I have recently started HRT and have seen amazing results mentally. I have not had an ideation since I started when I used to have them multiple times per day. I cannot see a day where I will stop. My biggest gender identity battle is between being a trans woman and nonbinary.

[@jezstone8721]

My mind and heart certainly aren’t aligned. I am at the start of my journey late in life and my heart is acknowledging that I am a trans woman but my mind is stopping me. I want desperately that they align so that I can move forward. I so need to do this

[@hot_topic1526]

thank you for this. i feel like i’ve been living in fear of myself for years. i’m glad that i’ve decided to start transitioning. im still scared of a lot of things, but now maybe in a more tangible way. looking forward to the future😊

[@zacky791]

Hi I’ve recently been watching your videos I’m a teen and I’m currently male and everyone ik hates lgbtq I feel like i definitely have gender dysphoria and that I want to be a woman I’m also bi any advice

[@Nijonibi]

Can someone with more experience come and help this young woman out! All I can tell you is that you are making some good first steps

[@jimiwills]

Plan your escape. Or at least try to build a support network irl. Nobody can do it alone, and the internet is great for support, but you need irl people to keep you safe and real. If you're not safe being who you are in your current environment, you need to either change the environment or leave that environment for a better one. But srsly don't just listen to 1 person. Hopefully more folk will respond here.❤

[@josephbelisle5792]

Do you have access to a decent school counselor? If you live in a country or state of the US where you can speak to someone who can get you counseling. Seeing a mental health professional is key. School counselors can help but too often they are biased or restricted by law from helping you. If you are trans you need medical help. If your parents are not decent people then you will have to wait until you are 18. If you live in a state that will assist you, they will help, through red tape, but they will help. I'm not trying to light a fire under you but the sooner you know if you are trans hopefully the sooner you can stop male puberty. Passing as female is a lot easier if you don't go through male puberty. Who you are attracted to is another story. Being trans is about being born in the wrong body. Being straight, gay or bi is who you are attracted to. You need to figure that out. Most people have to work on that. But that is mostly up to you. Of course acting out on your attraction may be the hard part if no one you know is accepting of who you are attracted to. Then you may need to talk to a mental health professional to help you with that. Good luck. It's not easy for anyone.

[@asafry2873]

You might want to wait to come out until you are safe. Explore privately if your family (parents) are hostile to trans. I suggest you ask questions on reddit amd other forums without giving your identity away, lots of help out there. Good luck and you will figure it out.

[@johnwang9914]

Well there's certainly a lot of fear and even hatred in our society today as it is a matter of pressure from society including peer pressure to polarize which gender you are and people don't like it when others are not condoning the submission to such pressures that they have accepted. However, it may also be just your impression that there is an inordinate amount of hatred to LGBTQ issues as the issues are just more of note to you. Seems to me that accepting who you are and who you wish to be is more important than what others think of you. It's possible to select who you interact with or even not to interact with others but you will always be living with yourself. Of course these are just my thoughts and I can't say that I have any satisfactory conclusions or answers. A few decades ago, somecollege friends of mine was visiting each other and one came across a Readers Digest quiz on the gender of your brain and asked us all the questions. I was a bit surprised that my friends were all heavily polarized as make brained whereas my results was almost dead center, just one question towards the female side from a dead 50/50. I had expected a more even spread albeit on the male side given we were all males. Of course, it is possible that the heavy polarization might just be how the quiz was structured, but it also could be that there is normally a heavy polarization in gender. As an engineer, I can only think that there is a lot of ambiguity in psychology and sociology.

[@HITSHOW89]

literally my story, but i started finaly my hrt. Thanks doc.

[@BrilynneMariePancake]

I am struggling with taking that next step to making an appointment to start hormones. It feels like everything before was just "crossdressing" or liking some feminine things, but now a certain severity is sinking in...

[@GescykaeWrecca]

In the Norse tradition of Magik which I have been studying for many years now, they believed the soul was 4 distinct components. 2 of those parts were the Hugr and Minni which may sound familiar if you're familiar with Norse/Viking lore. These were the 2 birds Óðinn spoke to often (Odin's ravens.) The Hugr was probably the conscious mind as it translates to "mind" and the Munni translates to "memory" but probably represented the sub-conscious mind (I like to believe it was but we really don't know and there's a poem about Odin where he talks about them and implies the conscious/sub-conscious relationship between the 2 birds and losing 1 of them and being OK with one but the other he'd not be OK and be insane or some shite like that?) and the Norse believed these parts could be separated and even worse the sub conscious is often referred to as your shadow and is usually a young child version of you. I'm a transsexual woman that has been transitioning for 23 yrs now on HRT for 21 years and I'm also a 6'3" 200lb+ Viking Warrior Witch so I've struggled with massive gender dysphoria because I'm also non-binary and very Butch and my Hugr and Minni was certainly separated at a soul level. I've been a metal worker my whole life, ride a Harley, grew up surfing in Northern California (wide arse buffed shoulders) and my body weight has really not changed that much at all since I was 19yo and the age when I got my 1st welding job in a muffler factory - FlowMaster Mufflers very famous high performance exhaust systems 💪🤙. Immersed in masculinity and masculine culture with a pretty masculine/tall body form most of my adult life. Very small breasts, beautiful chiseled jaw-line and I do have some very inherent feminine features and very mental feminine features but this has never helped me "pass" all these years. People see a big tall buffed butch person even when I'm presenting very very fem like heels, makeup, dress and I very rarely if ever pass. So all those years of getting mis-gendered and mis-gendering is not only pronouns but the way people treat you so my conscious mind looked at transition and thought, "you can do this baby" but then years of gender trauma trained my sub-conscious mind to be scared and run and hide in the shadows. I'm turning 50 tomorrow and after all these years I've finally cracked the code and Dr. Z is absolutely correct. I had to do meditation, Norse Witch (Völva) astral projection, some ethno-genic substances (but I would not recommend doing them on your own or even at all they were just my personal path) and being subjected to extreme trauma and transphobia from pushing femininity very very hard. I had actually given up for several years but something called me to push, it was actually a trans friend of mine who did pass very well and she helped me see the beautiful woman inside me, thank you baby ❤. I actually developed a character because I'm an actor since being a kid and this character was my armor but also allowed me to get out of my head and find my sub-conscious mind, my shadow this traumatized young trans girl hiding in the shadows and create a relationship with her and introduce her to the world with a new perspective that was more 3rd person because of this "character." I'm also a total Gaymer and have been trying to unlock 3rd person "Gaymer Vision" for years but finally did it recently. I found somehow through my spiritual practice that I was actually an ancient Viking Witch reincarnated to this Proto-Cyberpunk Reality and could see the world from this ancient perspective. I'm not saying everyone should do what I did by any means but this is what worked for me. My point is that exactly what Dr. Z is talking about you need to create a relationship with the 2 parts of your mind and make some kind of peace with them. Thank you for this video Dr. Z it helped validate my own experience of finally finding peace with my soul after a very difficult 23 years of transition. ❤Wrecca 🤘 thanks for coming to my Ted Talk 🤓 Peace Out 😻

[@The-art-rabbit]

Mind and heart agree, but insurance (Texas) wont cover anything and no other money.

[@jimiwills]

😢❤

[@josephbelisle5792]

Sigh. Move to a state that respects the human condition. F Texas.

[@ChristianCatboy]

California has its faults, but having legal access to HRT based on "informed consent" was a lifesaver for me. Planned Parenthood turned me away, possibly because I didn't seem psychologically stable enough to make that decision, during the brief intake interview (which... yeah, no duh I was going kinda crazy! I was just starting to come out to myself and deconstruct after decades of deeply-internalized shame and religious fundamentalism). Phooey on the gatekeeping.

[@johnlipsey5986]

Tk you for hitting home, that's exactly how I'm starting to feel.

[@aemiliadelroba4022]

Interesting 😊 What I noticed is that with gender transition mtf sometimes we fall into stereotypes of what female are supposed to look like or act like , or walk like …. Men still tend to impose their masculinity over trans women, and trans women also act submissive and feminine like , ( like they always need something…) I have had someone looking at me and with no reason asking me “ are you ok ?” Like wtf is not your business to ask ! Why ! Do I look like I need your help ! So I don’t fit in that stereotype of female in need …. I sometimes ask my gender identity too , but I am comfortable with myself being who I am , I love ❤️ myself , 😊

[@jimiwills]

❤

[@josephbelisle5792]

Excellent post. Be the trans woman you are. Not what anyone expects.

[@GS-ym4wb]

I agree. Be ourselves.

[@vic.gracii]

jesus this couldn’t have came at a better time…thank you ❤️❤️❤️

[@onikastan5682]

thank you so much for this ❤️

[@miyahollands6136]

we all focus and fixate even on the negative - what if....! we always put the bad in front of the good. this though loop did keep me from exploring who I truly are for years. I look back at my early stages of transition and can can say yes, I have lost friends and family, I did lose my job, my home, my partner - it sucked and life can be a bitch at times. but, for every person I lost there are far more friends and family who have stuck with me and respect my needs. I have a bigger, better job than the one I had, with better more excepting people to work with. I have my own home, where I am free to be me, without any judgement, or passive aggression. what I'm saying is - all that negatively is nothing, when compared to being happy in your own skin. throughout that time in my life when people showed their true colours, transitioning always felt right! I never woke up one morning feeling like I didn't wanted to have day off from transitioning. I knew, deep down, that if I tried to suppress these feelings again, they'll only find another way to bubble to the surface, like they have so many times before! so, I say get to know who you really are, it will save your life in the long term, and you'll thank yourself for doing it!

[@MandyDavis-gr5ip]

Thanks you drz , this video has come at right time,❤

[@randirosehooper8315]

Thank you Dr Z ❤❤❤

[@Green-v1j1n]

It is about something you could never understand or explain is All about what you feel

[@HairHoFla]

Sure would love dysphoria to reconcile before I go away to the great beyond. .I figure I have 5-10 years left at best .. but years ago.. I figured I wouldn't last past mid-late 30's until I turned 35 then realized how incredibly healthy I was realized I was in life for the long haul.. often joke that if I was as healthy above the neck as I was below... I would have been in awesome shape

[@metatechnologist]

Yes thank you for this video. This is exactly where I'm at. Perhaps this is related to an accompanying attention deficit disorder and should be treated as such. Maybe the lack of encouragement also is an issue and why maybe one should meet with a transgender group. Lastly maybe this is where a nontraditional therapy such as hypnotherapy might help in order to help shove past these let's call them what they are "negativities". I'd love if you could expand the video with possible coping strategies. Thank you again.

[@hyun-shik7327]

My mind is telling me I have sufficient evidence to declare my gender as female (I'm AMAB) but emotionally I have a lot of doubt so I'm not ready to make the claim.

[@tarungupta2001]

Hi doctor, please make a video on differences on Estrogen and Testosterone in regard to depression and anxiety.My endocrinologist is saying that Testosterone is protective against depression and anxiety and because of this males are less prone to depression, anxiety and other mental health issues. So if someone starts to take Estrogen with T blockers or after orchiectomy, is it possible that to have him depression and anxiety with E as a main hormone.Please reply doctor.Thanks.

[@s.4760]

I feel like I'm being torn apart. I have some breast growth. I dreamed that I was going to stop transitioning and get tissue removed. But then, right before I went under , i was told they could put implants in instead. I made the choice to have implants. I question myself every day 😢

[@Day-yl4uc]

I understand what you are feeling I have some breast growth too but I'm not really comfortable with it but I still don't feel like a man it's really confusing. I hope we find what suits us better. I just want to mention I didn't want to get breast but rather have a female look with curves and a feminine face, so that might explain some things maybe my heart wasn't ready but my mind wanted to transition. It's really hard trying to feel comfortable. Maybe it's my mind that doesn't accept being a trans woman, or maybe transition wasn't the right choice at the moment.

[@barco99]

Actually no the letters before T.

[@sab1229]

yea lol this has been my life for about a year now (and i'm 3 years in)

[@theladyfuria]

excellent video! are we born nonbinary?

[@DRZPHD]

Personally, I believe majority of us are more genderfluid than we realize.

[@colmonhs]

🙌🙌

[@SpiritoftheWoods863]

🎯

[@jimiwills]

I found peace via Thai spiro. Srsly.