Brené Brown on Boundaries, Feelings & Core Emotions | Ten Percent Happier Podcast with Dan Harris

Podcast with Brené Brown on feelings, boundaries & emotions, including her core three: happy, sad and pissed off. In this podcast episode we explore how better understanding the full spectrum of your emotions, rather than drowning in them, can become an upward spiral. In this episode we talk about:
* Why she decided to map the 87 key emotions and experiences
* How she was deeply influenced by the Buddhist concept of the “near enemy”
* Why she no longer believes it's possible to read emotions in other people
* And why meaningful connections require boundaries
Brené Brown is the author of six #1 New York Times bestsellers. Her latest book
is Atlas of the Heart [brenebrown.com/books-audio], which is also the
name of her HBO Max series. Brown is a research professor at the University of
Houston and a visiting professor in management at the University of Texas at
Austin McCombs School of Business. She has spent the past two decades studying
courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy. Her TED talk on the Power of
Vulnerability [www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown...]
is one of the top five most-viewed TED talks in the world, with over 50 million
views.
Content Warning: This episode contains explicit language, but a clean version of
the episode is available at tenpercent.com [www.tenpercent.com/podcast]
and on the Ten Percent Happier app.
Learn more about Ten Percent Happier podcast at www.tenpercent.com.
Check out guided meditations alongside practical teachings in the Ten Percent Happier app. Click here [10percenthappier.app.link/ins...] to get started.
Full Shownotes: www.tenpercent.com/podcast-ep...
Published date: Wed Dec 28 2022
Learn more about Ten Percent Happier podcast at www.tenpercent.com/podcast.
Check out guided meditations alongside practical teachings in the Ten Percent Happier app. Click here [10percenthappier.app.link/ins...] to get started.
#brenebrown #brenébrown #danharris #dharma #healthandwellness #Meditation #mentalhealth #mindfulness #mindfulnessteacher #adults #anxiety #buddha #buddhism #fitness #health #interview #meditate #men #mental #help #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #podcast #mentalhealthtips #mindfulnessmeditation #science #selfawareness #selfhelp #selfhealing #tph #tenpercenthappier #tenpercent #panicattack #panicattackrelief #anxietyrelief #anxietytips
Listen to the Full Podcast link.chtbl.com/Y_729H6p
FOLLOW DAN HARRIS PODCASTS ON SOCIAL
Dan Harris on Twitter / danbharris
Dan Harris on Instagram / danharris
Dan Harris on TikTok / danbharris
Dan Harris on Facebook / danharrisabc
FOLLOW TEN PERCENT HAPPIER ON SOCIAL
Ten Percent Happier on Facebook / tenpercenthappier
Ten Percent Happier on Twitter / 10percent
Ten Percent Happier on Instagram / tenpercenthappier
Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris
Dan Harris is a fidgety, skeptical journalist who had a panic attack on live
national television, which led him to try something he otherwise never would
have considered: meditation. He went on to write the bestselling book, 10%
Happier. On this show, Dan talks with eminent meditation teachers, top
scientists, and even the odd celebrity. Guests include everyone from His
Holiness the Dalai Lama to Brené Brown to Karamo from Queer Eye. On some
episodes, Dan ventures into the deep end of the pool, covering subjects such as
enlightenment and psychedelics. On other episodes, it’s science-based techniques
for issues such as anxiety, productivity, and relationships. Dan's approach is
seemingly modest, but secretly radical: happiness is a skill you can train, just
like working your bicep in the gym. Your progress may be incremental at first,
but like any good investment, it compounds over time.
#feelings #emotions #boundaries #happy #sad #podcast #brenebrown
00:00 Introduction to Brene Brown discussing Feelings
05:42 Mapping Emotions
09:45 Learn how to Awe
14:28 Two word check-in with partner
20:59 Shame and loneliness
31:09 Near enemy of love
35:38 How to learn what connection is with children

[@ninnettaskaanstrom1960]

Loved so many things about this Podcast. Was not familiar with the "near enemy" concept, although I have experienced it so many times. The feeling of not being understood even though the words were there. The comment about feeling overwhelmed hit hard, this is definitely me, but now I will change how I handle this feeling. I use the sentence "I'm here to get it right, not to be right" for many years, which seems to annoy a lot of people. Thank you Brene for being an inspiration to closer connections.

[@hiswife2002]

What really hits for me is not walking in someone else's shoes but to BELIEVE them when they tell you how it feels to THEM to be walking in their own shoes. And as Brene says, this pushes a lot of buttons. People who tell you you weren't abused or gaslit or bullied because it's not how THEY perceive it. People who tell you you're not working as hard as you can or that you don't feel the pain at the level that you feel it. Human beings LOVE to tell other human beings why they do or do not experience something and why someone outside of your own head can tell you what you feel or think or perceive or sense better than you can for yourself.

[@stacielivinthedream8510]

Well said 👏♥️😉

[@BrigitteOnassis]

"It's okay to ask for what you need; it's not okay to lie or manipulate to get it."

[@martinboyd447]

Wow. News Flash!

[@JosAo-ps1zu]

"The limits of my vocabulary are the limits of my world". No words to add to that...

[@ElaineMooreone]

Building the vocabulary, broadens the horizons❤️

[@martby126]

she deeply respects the human experience with all colors, tones, hues, values, shading and light

[@julieknight-ik8br]

"The limits of my language mean the limits of my world. Do we have a vocabulary that is expansive as our world?" ❤❤❤

[@steveheliosone6174]

The near enemy concept is genius. “The near enemy of connection is control…” That’s sinking in pretty deep right now.

[@lindaarnold701]

Connection vs. Control … a game changer

[@Golgibaby]

New gems from this conversation I learned: near enemy concept; compassion versus near enemy = control, being the learner and not bearer of knowledge; and emotional granularity with resentment being a function of envy. More please! Thank you for this conversation!

[@cerealkiillar]

Talking about emotions is usually so abstract, but Brown always finds a way to crack open the exterior language to explore meanings through concrete images. Great stuff.

[@TenPercentHappier]

Well said!

[@MsGnor]

Dang @cerealkiillar you just took me on a wild word ride, well said indeed! 🧠😂😍

[@cerealkiillar]

@@MsGnor Why, thank you!

[@torreygreen6794]

42:46 - 43:19. I listened to that three times. I would love for her to do a book or podcast with scripts like that for difficult situations. So many times in life I've needed to say something difficult but didn't know how to express it in a productive way.

[@crystalkea8258]

Such an incredible conversation with many nuggets of pure gold for my journey of self awareness.

[@sdgoodguy7345]

Wow Brene is blessed because she speaks what a lot of people’s suffering going through. They have no idea therefore you can not judge what someone has gone through.

[@moirahyde750]

My friendly word for envy is green - I’m green !! 😂❤

[@ExtremelyRadiant]

Omg, you just gave me clarity of my relationship with my sister. Helpful. ❤

[@barbbrazes869]

Love Brene Brown! Thanks for this great episode!

[@stephaniefortney22]

Love Her…thank you for sharing this ….One really needs to read Her Book…it’s A Gift, A Grateful ❤

[@lisamarshall7085]

Excellent and helpful as always! Thank you Dr. Brene Brown! ❤

[@TenPercentHappier]

So glad you enjoyed it!

[@hollydubrasich8276]

Thank you 🙏🙏😊

[@bobwallace7487]

Thank you for such beautiful words. Very helpful discussion. I am so grateful for the access to deep dive learning.

[@TenPercentHappier]

Thanks for listening!

[@katieamero6714]

Oh my God, you hit the nail on the head for me and something here with the resentfulness it is so in my body everywhere I think

[@PaperMario64]

They played this a lot on black radio in DC. Good stuff

[@karawood8770]

Interesting as always. Have yet to read Atlas of the Heart, but its on my list!

[@florencespinelli2947]

Ty first time Listing.💌

[@SpeegBJ]

Awe and wonder at times my cloak.

[@MelinaOien]

Every time I read or listen to Brené I learn something new, even if it's the same content I've seen/heard before. I've told my therapist that there are definitely times when I read her stuff and am goin.. 👀called out! But somehow, okay with it! Like one of the previous commenters, it resonated with me when she put forward that believing someone else's experiences versus "walking in their shoes". Something I hear a lot, in both personal and professional realms, is that being BELIEVED on its own gave them hope or relief. In her vulnerability TedTalk, she mentioned two things that I have found apply so often, and the second is something you hear in my profession as well (her mention was it is a saying in social work). The first is that feeling of "excruciating vulnerability". I felt it on a visceral level, and have never forgotten those two words since. And the second is the saying "lean into the discomfort". It can be uncomfortable to hear someone else's experiences and believe them. My experiences and observations lead me to believe that being and feeling believed seems to make vulnerability just a little less excruciating.. Excellent discussion, thank you both.

[@TenPercentHappier]

We love this! She's the best.

[@ElaineMooreone]

True❤

[@katieamero6714]

I struggle with the exact same resentment feelings that you expressed wow I am not text savvy. I have no clue how to use this stuff but wow.

[@BrigitteOnassis]

After trying to connect with the person by asking them what they need, what do you say if you cannot or do not want to give them what they need while still remaining compassionate and connected?

[@vickisullivan7676]

and for those of us who are on the spectrum and have the dx of Alexithymia... which means we cannot name our emotions. Are doubly challenged in the emotional communication department.

[@barbcarbon9440]

29:20 Richie start here and listen til the end 💜

[@jesswatt5824]

Delightfully profane lol. Brene changed my life- not an over exaggeration.

[@TenPercentHappier]

Thanks for listening!

[@susydyson1750]

Language is lost now to emojis and abreviaciones .. this an important interview Bremerton so bright and witty as well .. an ‘overwhelming’ experience

[@TenPercentHappier]

We're so glad!

[@cyndlhale8565]

I call "emotional imbicility" emotional contipation. I've known many people who are emotionally constipated.

[@barbcarbon9440]

25:29 boom. Tami, watch this part.

[@mariemccurdy9509]

❤

[@nataliakravcukova3261]

I appreciate Dr Brene Brown, I read her book The Gifts of Imperfection and I like it. However, I must disagree with most of what is presented here. We don´t need to label emotion to process it. The underlying reason why anyone wants to label all emotion and put them to boxes is FEAR, or even TERROR of emotion. Emotions are experienced bodyly. A baby experiences emotion, cries when it is sad (usually because it feels unhealed emotions of its environment), and doesn´t know it is called sadness. It doesn´t need to know. The problem happens when its parents or someone in the environment anxiously makes it stop crying. And so the baby supresses its emotions and the sadness later manifests as a sickness of some kind, or as a depression. The baby is tought to DREAD emotion. And, THIS is what happened to all of us. Even when noone actively supressed us, we felt it. Because all children are naturally like sensitive sponges, very empathic. So we felt that it is not acceptable to be overwhelmed by emotion, and we would go crazy if we did. THAT is the error that harmed us. Because the truth is that a human being CAN experience all emotions, even terror or overwhelm. And when we do, we release all the negative ones. And positive ones grow. We will feel positive ones more intensely as a result of not supressing emotions. ... Language is also actually limiting and there are not words yet for all the flavors of emotions. I am not saying that there are not occasions when labeling emotions doesn´t help. To some people it helps, and it assists us to communicate to others. Especially it is needed when we feel desperate for example and reach out for help. It is ok to communicate our emotions with others and label them, but it is also not so necessary. For processing we don´t have to. In some occassions it helps, but in some it doesn´t and can also prevent us from feeling our feelings fully. What helps me, is an emotional relationship with God, the Creator of my soul, who knows me and all my feelings... When it comes to communication, with people, I think more words should be created to label the flavors of emotions. However, when are more emotionally open and we don´t supress our emotions, we are naturally more empathetic towards others and FEEL what they feel, without needing them to tell us. I know that, as I am a natural empath, and ever since I can remember I felt emotions of the people I met internally. (For example, my mood changed when a teacher came to the classroom and she was not having a good day. I just felt it. I am not saying it is healthy to be affected by other peoples emotions so much. I own my personal feelings now which heals me and makes me not so affected by others.) Many children born these days are very empathic, that is what God intends because it is needed. More sensitivity and deeper understanding. The ability of Empathy is something everyone can develop, by opening to Feeling. That is how we heal the world.

[@maribeliccm8793]

Thank you for expressing your point with such clarity and objectivity and wisdom! Very helpful to me.

[@johnlombardo7816]

so I have a question(preferably for someone who is very familiar with this work) at about 32:00 when she talks about near enemies, and she is saying, if I call someone and they ask about the situation, vs if I call someone and then I say, bless your heart.. so to speak.. that the 2nd one is leaving them empty..(full disclosure, I stopped at 32:21, so if she finishes the thought with, that is up to the person with the issue to deal with then this is irrelevant), but up until recently, when I used to talk to a significant other and offer suggestions to help them through, like the first example here, all the while listening and trying to offer compassion, I used to get, I dont need you to fix me, just listen... Only recently have I found someone, that I hope to soon be in a relationship with... Who actually appreciates when I talk after she explains what is going on(or at least it seems so) ,.... point being.. is the right thing to do, to try and help the person through their situation? I have always felt inclined, or led, to want to help people, when I feel I can offer sound 3rd party advice, as I feel I have a good head on my shoulders, and was raised with good morals and think that common sense and logic, while they may not be a fix all, can sure help lead to someone heading down the right path.. sorry for the drawn out response, but I am genuinely curious if I just need to back off and only listen, or of the back and forth is truly appreciated but even more importantly, the right course of action, as I am no therapist, just someone who is empathetic.

[@4lynneterry]

We need to be able to do both.

[@hannahallen2432]

Some people do appreciate it, whereas others see it as a criticism (apparently); this was a lesson I had to learn. It's been suggested, and it does seem to work for me, to ask the person--are you asking for advice, or just for me to listen? Or, ask them if they mind hearing your suggestions, and honor what they say. You give them a choice that way.

[@johnlombardo7816]

@hannahallen2432 I must have learned that somewhere too! I've been talking to a girl recently and when she vents I usually will say something.. then quickly say if you don't want me to reply I won't.. I'll let you get it out.. and I get it.. sometimes people don't know when to be selfless I think .. its a hard lesson if you can't see what you're doing .. but one we should all work toward mastering .. ❤️.. point is I try to be self aware all the time

[@lanep2023]

Be aware that suggestion can be perceived as judgement.

[@johnlombardo7816]

@lanep2023 thanks.. turns out the woman I am currently talking to just wants to be friends, and therefore we are just having an open conversation where we share our issues in life.. unfortunately she shot me down with the don't want to ruin our friendship nonsense when realistically I'm probably exactly what she should be turning to, given her past and abusive marriage.. anyway thanks because in the future I will be more careful of that

[@ENFPerspectives]

35:00

[@user-up4zm2be7j]

When such language vocabulary is critical for one's emotional intelligence, how do you explain the way of people who are right brain oriented?

[@tmking7483]

Right Brains have Cognitive empathy _a learned empathy ( observational empathy )_ it mimics what is real_ it reverse eng real empathy_ it's fake empathy. Real empathy is experienced. Like some people can afford a real designer hand bag and some people buy the cheaper knock off . some people are creative and some people just copy what the creative person did. Real emotion allows one to take the original and collaborate and build onto the original. Fake emotion allows one just to copy the original _ nothing is added to make anything better _ it's just a cheap knock off and will lack quality. You know the stuff we buy from China are knock offs and cheap and break every year.

[@melissaeasdon1491]

The number of adds is intolerable.

[@nikkihubbard9329]

Could it be that people are only in touch with three of their emotions because of all the pharmaceutical drugs they take that numb? Real question here

[@gmailuser3377]

That and all the garbage they put into our movies and media. They’ve succeeded in making us into robots.

[@Thunderhead231]

My medicine cabinet is empty. If you listen carefully you will hear that the WORDS for the emotions are what is missing.

[@Thunderhead231]

@@gmailuser3377 You should be in charge of who and what you listen to and watch. If you ingest garbage what do you expect?

[@gmailuser3377]

Some of the comments on here are so sanctimonious and obnoxious.

[@finsterthecat]

@ Nikki Hubbard First of all Brene Brown once said if the comment does not have a photo and their actual name on the comment she would not bother reading it. Also I do believe that there is a tendency to medicate because most people don’t want to feel bad. (Though I do know people that have clinical depression. It is because something is not working right with their brain not a situational cause) As far as language there is a lack of understanding the nuances between certain words. I can only speak from personal experience that I was so disconnected from my feelings (after a traumatic event) that as part of my recovery the therapist gave me a feelings chart so I could identify a feeling and point at it.

[@4lynneterry]

No

[@ligiasommers]

Sorry , too many commercials

[@floofymuffin]

Use an ad-blocker or an ad-blocking browser like Brave!

[@TarotOfTheSun]

I agree - just too many. I stopped watching.

[@4lynneterry]

But what does “granularity” mean?

[@alexandriamcconocha7845]

Emotional granularity refers to individual differences in the ability to distinguish among emotional states and is a function of how information about valence and arousal is incorporated into representations of emotion (Barrett, 2004).

[@tmking7483]

It means you have more than 3 emotions to describe how u feel. Like your hungry , maybe, but u just ate? Hmm_ u ask_ let's be curious _ let's check in what's going on around me. Okay my boss wants me to make him a coffee, maybe I feel hungry because I want a coffee instead I have to make him one_ like she said _ it might be resentment. You need to ask ur boss to make his own coffee or up your pay.

[@chrishouck5819]

Caught in a network of words wich are sounds.. that humans have Invented meaning to . Its all a bunch of nothing...

[@marasegal1849]

I like 90% of what she says, but I do not agree with Dr. Brown's viewpoint on everything. Her feelings and opinions about Donald Trump, while not overtly stated, are present like an undertow. I like what Jordan Peterson says: "And if you think tough men are dangerous, wait until you see what weak men are capable of." I don't want a President that I can "connect" to. In fact, I do not connect to weak men at all. I want a President who will keep my country strong and defend my Constitutional Rights. I want a strong foreign negotiator. "A harmless man is not a good man. A good man is a very dangerous man who has that under voluntary control."

[@Laura-xt9ch]

Very well said

[@debrajones4840]

But dementia Joe is ok?

[@creative1able]

But...but...but...I feel shame when you tell me I'm doing feelings wrong! Aren't you supposed to be shamebusting?😢