Having Positive Attitudes towards Everybody | Ajahn Brahm | 12 March 2021

Ajahn Brahm discusses how to have positive attitudes towards everybody, such as how to have healthy relationships and show kindness and respect towards everyone and anyone.
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Recorded at Dhammaloka Buddhist Centre, Perth, Western Australia.
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[@nicholasbishop6731]

Bless you Ajahn Brahm, I'm a Christian, and find your talks, chime with my spiritual walk. There is much commonality, in all faiths.

[@montiliusbeatty9831]

A christian trait is never keeping their religion to themselves. You would bring it into a buddhist or Hindu church.

[@nicholasbishop6731]

@@montiliusbeatty9831 I would never impose my faith on anyone. Just as I would never impose anything on anyone, that is not the way.

[@montiliusbeatty9831]

@@nicholasbishop6731 you just did by mention of it. It's not done in Buddhism. The rule is someone has to ask three times. How many times do you bring up christiany in a mixed group? Become aware of it.

[@nicholasbishop6731]

@@montiliusbeatty9831 I take your point, but if no one asked, I would not say. Yes, first time I identified what faith I follow. However, it was merely to say that I can identify with similarities in Buddhism and other paths as in mine.

[@montiliusbeatty9831]

@@nicholasbishop6731 Make sure and mention your religion when you are with others into it. Recognizing yours is not the only one people are into. Faith based religion is not Buddhism, your savior god is not the only one; your creation story is one of a hundred; belief in one god is not universal. If your religion works for you why does it have to be everyone else's?

[@BurksArribaRunningAwareness]

Thank you, Ajahn Brahm, for being the best storyteller of all time. You are loved!

[@lonelyrose111]

So much wisdom, so much kindness, so much compassion...bless you, Ajahn Brahm, I always listen to your talks, and they are life changing!!!

[@elizabethhjenkins6172]

Many thanks for this. Just what I needed to hear after three weeks of recovery from an accident. Sadhu. Sadhu. Sadhu. 🙏🙏🙏

[@fawndoll190]

Ajahn Brahm, your story about the husband who needed to fetch eggs for his wife reminded me that I had egg drop soup on the stove. I got to it just before it burned. Thanks!

[@yongjiean9980]

The emperor's three questions. When I am on my own, now is the only time, I am the most important person, the most important thing to do is to care (for myself). Caring for myself - be kind to myself, having good will, compensation, consideration, joy for myself, not engaging in anger, guilt, grudges, worries, fear....Bhante's teachings is always so relevant and wise. Thank you Bhante. I will bear this (to care - to be kind to myself) in mind (mindful) - kindfulness. Sadhu!

[@tennesseenana4838]

I so appreciate being able to listen to your talks on You Tube. They are as delightful as they are full of wisdom. Thank you!

[@violetchristophe]

I find it very coincidental that I'm on a path considering what my own personal meaning for my life is. While driving to work this morning, it occurred to me that part of my own personal meaning and reason to exist, is to learn. Ajahn Brahm said a very similar thing around the 24 minute mark. If you get everything right away, you wouldn't have the meaning in your life. This really validates for me, the epiphany I had while driving to work. It's the journey, and not the destination... as the phrase goes.

[@4LayersOfStrength]

Using the typical word definitions...Each destination is the journey⁉️🙃

[@mamabear7071]

I already know I’m going to like AB’s talks so the first thing I do as soon as the talk starts, I hit the thumbs 👍. I like all of his talks. Every single one!

[@SKITTLESH1TS]

Helps me get to sleep at night.also helps my dad.

[@Mikebui1337]

One of the best talks of Ajahn Brahm, reminds me of his 2007 self.

[@iqosuser2754]

You are blessings. Going through horrible depression. You videos. Help.

[@allanreyes6873]

Awesome talk ajahn brahm! Care vs cure!!! You keep going on with sharing ajahn brahm-- sharing is caring. :)

[@claudiagonzalvez4932]

Blessings Ajhan Brahm 🙏❤️

[@matt_cummins28]

Thank you for this wonderful talk. This is, I think, one of the most difficult challenges we face, especially in the somewhat accelerated societies in which many of us live. And certainly it is a key challenge for me. This soft, gentle talk through these tricky waters was inspiring. I shall carry it with me tomorrow and try to put it into practice. I'm sure it will be helpful both for me and for those around me.

[@ourfamily9397]

Constantly chant : Namo Amitabha, Repentance and Dedication of Merit. 南無阿彌陀佛🙏🙏🙏 Repentance All the unwholesome karma created by me, Arising from beginningless greed, hatred and delusion; Expressed through greed, hatred and delusion; I hereby regret and repent them all. Dedication of Merit May the merit and virtue accrued from this work adorn Amitabha Buddha 's Pure Land, repay the four great kindnesses above, and relieve the suffering of those on the three paths below. May those who see or hear of these efforts generate Bodhi-mind, spend their lives devoted to the Buddha Dharma , and finally be reborn together in the Land of Ultimate Bliss. To help others is to help yourself.

[@lukaszdomanski8778]

Dziękuję bardzo. Thank You so much...

[@TheLinuxmate]

You have made my day!

[@monus782]

I grew up Catholic and the snake story reminded me of some of the saints, especially Saint Francis, who hung out with animals and one in particular who is supposed to be pretty popular in Eastern Europe is Seraphim of Sarov who's usually depicted with a bear. However the cow story almost drove me to tears.

[@richardh8082]

Thank you

[@ip9117]

Take heed 😌

[@IRG849]

Sadhu sadhu sadhu 🙏🙏🙏

[@riteshshaw8582]

Sadhu Sadhu SADHUUUUUUUUUU ❤️

[@mettacon7344]

I love you

[@PANHEADPHIL]

buddhist showed me the way to follow

[@cwilkinsonwck]

Amitofu 🙏💙

[@stupidfrog2205]

Needed this talk tonight after the day I've had. Thank you

[@acemany1126]

What happened bruh? Did u get beat up in karate class? 🤣🤣🤣

[@stupidfrog2205]

@@acemany1126 haha thank you for the laugh 🙏 I think I was having a very difficult day at work with somebody being intentionally difficult for no good reason.

[@deela262]

The worst curse " may you get everything good- a good wife, kids, wealth, power etc" is mentioned in a Jathaka story ..( no 488- Bhisa Jataka)

[@acemany1126]

Then give me that curse you bastard!!!

[@deela262]

Lol . It's a curse for one who choose to be an ascetic but for regular householders that's everything to make him happy. I won't curse you but I will certainly wish you all of that in good faith. See why renunciation is so hard and only a very few can even reach the final goal

[@lordbyron3603]

“... when you’re kind to other people, they’re kind to you!....” Yes, I agree. But sometimes, when they mistakenly take your actions to be unkind, they are unkind back at you! And that’s when everything goes to shit! A small misunderstanding by the other person takes it personally and retaliates in kind. Then hurtful words are said and can never be taken back.

[@SekretyZdrowiapl]

>"they are unkind back at you! And that’s when everything goes to shit!" - The bad way they act it is theirs Karma. The way you respond it is your Karma. Nothing goes to shit - you don't have to get angry back. If they think you are unkind that is theirs problem as long as your intention is pure. You don't get to yourself a barking dog why you get to yourself angry people words? The words aren't yours exactly as the barking is not yours. Forgive them they don't understand you.

[@user-gd2oi2eo7z]

Don't need expect other's kindness. Be kind no matter what. Lower your expectations

[@NihinduAngana]

@@user-gd2oi2eo7z indeed

[@michigandersea3485]

That is so true, and happens to all of us. As Ajahn Brahm says, like everything else, that is out of control. We have to make peace with the fact that others are out of our control. Sometimes we have to teach ourselves to forget the hurtful words that can never be taken back, because they only hold us back from a more skillful approach, which is hindered by obsessing over the past rather than focusing on what is going on now. Just my take, I have a hard time doing this, that's for sure.

[@sissy9393]

I don’t understand why there are people who downvote this. Oh well I’m listening just now. Talking about marriage. I’m separated. Oh I love you for saying love yourself. Bless you 🙏🏻

[@acemany1126]

Being separate does not mean you are separated from your spouse. You're soul will always be connected. You physical just choose to travel a different journey.

[@y9w1]

You still look 50 ajahn ☺️👍😉❤️🙏

[@4LayersOfStrength]

(43:45) "To #care. Not #cure."

[@michigandersea3485]

This is one of the deepest messages of Ajahn Brahm. I had it up on my wall for a while.

[@ryanng754]

This is why have reincarnation and recognize lama in the past, you also not recognize the breeding facility proposal to response yes or no.

[@evinkleinman6052]

very confusing comment. Need to complete your idea before creating another idea. Also- please write in 2 seperate sentences punctuated with a period between the 2.

[@lordbyron3603]

“.... Having Positive Attitude Towards Everybody ....” I have exactly the opposite for most everyone I come into contact with! I wonder why? Is it my conditioning? Is it my karma to be filled with so much hatred? Someone had offended me two weeks ago. To this day, the door of my heart IS NOT OPEN TO HIM !

[@acemany1126]

Bryon, I can sense that you are a self absorbed individual who thinks highly of himself. Your way is always right plus you think you know better that anyone. Humble yourself and maybe you can move forward. Sometime taking a step back is actually moving forward.

[@BookishEmperor]

You should take a long hard look at yourself, my guy.

[@lordbyron3603]

@@BookishEmperor Why ???? There’s no one there !!!!!!!

[@user-gd2oi2eo7z]

It is possibly some old karma taking action, which means the tendency of hating people is not YOU , it is not WHO YOU ARE. Just be very clear to yourself: this is not me! So just observe its action before, during and after like observing a puppy you are walking. Ask the caring questions with concerns: how are you? How do you feel? How can be kind to you to make you feel better? Use kindness to ease the muscles before they are tightened by the karma action and enjoy letting go the feeling and sensation forming in the heart, brain and muscles. Ease and enjoy the ease even if you only managed to sense only a hint of ease, enjoy it and repeat.

[@lordbyron3603]

@@BookishEmperor If you knew anything about Buddhism, you would know that what you see in me is YOU !

[@user-xp7kd6cw4q]

นี่ทุกชาติปฏิบัติได้นะพระพุทธองค์กำหนดไว้เช่นนี้ส่งทั้งหลายคุณสมบัติที่เหมาะสมแต่พวกท่านมีสมบัติปิดตา 4 ชิ้นไม่สะสมทรัพย์มักน้อยสันโดษไม่มีโบสถ์วิหารให้อาศัยวิหารของท่านคือต้นไม้ที่นอนของท่านคือพื้นดินในป่า

[@user-xp7kd6cw4q]

นมัสการพระสงฆ์ผู้เจริญอย่าพูดท่านจะเข้าถึงธรรมะได้ลึกซึ้งนั้นยากเย็นแสนเข็ญเพราะธรรมะไม่ได้กำเนิดณที่แห่งนั้นกำเนิดภูมิภาคตะวันออกสำเนียงอะไรมันย่อมแตกต่างเข้าใจได้ยากอีกไม่นานทุกท่านเองก็คงเข้าใจเนาะ

[@lordbyron3603]

How can I have a deep connection with another when I can’t even have one with myself?

[@SekretyZdrowiapl]

Because there is no self in Buddhism :)

[@danw918]

If it doesn't come easy then by hard work. In other words you meditate. Every single day. You learn, you sit vipassana. You cry, you grow, you read, you work. It's easy, but so hard. There is likely no reason why you do not start today.

[@user-gd2oi2eo7z]

No matter how hard it is, keep doing the right thing- be kind even when you are crying. Take refuge under protection of three jewels and do the right thing. We suffer because karma is because we hold on what karma presents or we crave for more Sankara

[@evinkleinman6052]

first connect with yourself

[@michigandersea3485]

Learn how to identify your emotions. Emotions are physical sensations in the body. Stop and try to feel what your emotions are--this is one of the purposes of meditation, acknowledging emotions as they arise and cease without judgment or attempting to suppress them. And they say you will come to realize that emotions do just that--arise and cease on their own, so you can wait for destructive emotions to end while being compassionate to yourself for having them, and move forward without doing harm.

[@becca5100]

I don't understand the subtle but obviously derogatory reference to Eckhart Tolle. Surely there is no competition here

[@bryce8793]

Ajahn doesn't look 70, he looks late 40's / early 50's

[@henrydavid2719]

I have heard Ajahn Brahm give this talk about people in marriages and relationships many times, and I find his message potentially dangerous and reckless. People get into relationships that are physically or emotionally abusive and no one should ever make light of that. The purpose of life is-as Ajahn Brahmali often says-to develop good qualities. It is to develop the path. But if you are using all of your energy to simply get through the day or to stave off depression and anxiety or even thoughts of suicide, it is nearly impossible to do that. My advice would be the opposite. Life is precious. Do not hesitate to extract yourself from a harmful situation. The Buddha himself advised people to put themselves in the company of good friends. That is the way to make the most of this life.

[@composerdoh]

I agree with you, however, I think AB is actually addressing something different than an overtly abusive relationship. In fact, I think I've heard him say that there are times when one SHOULD leave a relationship. Even IF I'm mixing him up with another Buddhist teacher, and he never said that in a recorded talk, my gut tells me he'd not disagree with you for an instant. That being said, though, the overwhelming majority of people are NOT in relationships that are nearly as untenable or abusive as our minds tend to trick us into thinking. Is this dangerous? Sure. We MIGHT be in an abusive relationship and use this logic to stay in it or enable someone, etc. Maybe he should put in a disclaimer like "if the person gave you a black eye or worse, you should leave... etc." or something. BUT- most of us who are running around looking for "Mr or Ms Right," or are with them already, tend to become narcissistically convinced that the faults of the other person "are making me unhappy" and that "there must be someone better out there" when in fact, we're getting trapped in an idea about what the relationship SHOULD be like, rather than being with what IS HERE. We also tend to forget the other person is human and has faults, and we want to expel those faults, all the while making excuses for our own shortcomings and downplaying them. We also tend to go into this paradigm, without even realizing it: that the other person "should" be "making ME happy." But we lose the other thread of the relationship, which is, how am *I* making THEM happy? I'm not saying abusive relationships don't happen, and I'm not disagreeing with you. I'm only saying that I think HIS point is not about truly abusive relationships, nor is his point that those kinds of situations don't exist, but his point is rather about the majority of people, the majority of the time, who are falling into the "narcissist view of relationships" category, and not the "abusive relationship" category.

[@henrydavid2719]

@@composerdoh Hi, Rob. I appreciate your reply. This is a sensitive issue for me because I know of a situation where a very kind man was married to an extremely manipulative and emotionally abusive woman. Because of messages just like the one that Ajahn Brahm is always giving he stayed in that relationship for many years. He kept thinking that if he could only be kinder, more, patient, and a better person that things would get better. He thought it was his fault because he wasn't a better person. But the more rope he gave her the more she took advantage of his patience, forbearance, and kindness. She made up terrible stories about him. She turned all of his friends and even his own mother against him. He began to believe some of the stories himself. He came close to committing suicide. He finally managed to extricate himself from that relationship and thanks to the Dhamma he was able to rebuild his life. But his relationships with his now adult children are still somewhat fractured although his relationship with his daughter is getting stronger every year. So I think you have to be very careful in putting your message into a proper context.

[@composerdoh]

@@henrydavid2719 I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I sincerely wish he didn't have to face that pain. I know something like the kind of pain he might have faced, and I would never wish it on anyone. I agree that one should be careful with such advice. And again, I'm not saying that in certain contexts, taking these kinds of messages at face value can't do some harm. Wearing a mask for certain people at certain times might do harm, but right now, most people, most of the time, need to hear and heed the message: "wear a mask." I was in a relationship that lasted more than 10 years that unravelled in a devastating way that, even now, more than 10 years later, I still feel the affects and pain of in various ways, and I can't speak for others, but I can honestly say that, had I heard these messages earlier about putting others above yourself, etc... that strategy is the only one that might have saved my relationship. Would it have come apart anyway? Was it a "bad relationship?" Who knows. Maybe. But even if it did, I could have had more peace and compassion in the process of coming apart. I've seen many of the same patterns emerge in later relationships, which tells me I carry many of those issues with me that I blamed on her. I can tell you something else for myself and speaking for myself: had I heard these messages, or had people told me the opposite "you should kick her to the curb and move on!" (and some probably DID tell me that) I likely would not have listened. I tended to hear what I wanted to hear and followed my own fears and instincts and insecurities, for better or for worse. But then, I know there are situations you hear about where someone is told to "put up with" or "obey" their spouse, and it does harm as they internalize the problems or outright abuse. So again, I would agree that Ajahn should put on a disclaimer more often. My situation is not equivalent to all, so I know there must be many others with vastly different experiences than mine. (But as I said, I think he HAS made this disclaimer before. I've listened to literally hundreds of his talks.) But regardless, I'm glad to hear that your friend is doing better now. It sounds like he's navigating this gloriously imperfect life just as it is now. And I certainly think you're right to raise this issue and it's completely understandable you feeling this way. May he, and you, be well and have every happiness.

[@dy4667]

This is interesting! you have a good point yes Buddha himself advised people to associate the wise people, good friends. Ajahn Brahm is full of wisdom and I love to learn Buddhist wisdom from him. The problem is all of us are too attached to this self image it is all about I me mine. People are way too selfish, as true Buddhists on the path, we learn how to be selfless and do selfless acts/acts of kindness. Ajahn Brahm says in a marriage relationship think of US first, not me first, not you first! That makes sense to me we are all in this together when we apply that theory to world peace! It should be all about us! Having said that most people do not understand any of this due to their conditioning and different beliefs so it is no wonder we see abuse everywhere over and over. We can only fix ourselves, not control others but help when someone asks for help. Just sharing how I feel about this with Metta to all

[@MustAfaalik]

@@composerdoh Yes, i have heard AB advised to leave a toxic relationship just as i have heard Ajahn Bramali gave the same advise.

[@samus598]

I opened the door of my mouth to them lol!

[@iqosuser2754]

I wonder that other monk why is he so thin ? 🤔 just a joke lol

[@soemoe2872]

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 💪💪💪👍👍👍⚖⚖⚖

[@ryanng754]

Human vegetation is not responsive to the work slip and breeding facility proposal.

[@kimtatami6559]

Who knew being a monk could get you to high places and become so famous ? 🤣

[@labakanurzidil2464]

what for a prejudice, lie, aggression towards everybody !!!! what an inflated egotism, unconsciousness, dark wizardry, vampirism !!!!

[@evinkleinman6052]

Could you please be more specific in your comments. to whom are these comments directed and to what are they about?

[@metafisicacibernetica]

ridiculous

[@user-xp7kd6cw4q]

หัวใจธรรมะก็เป็นลังเช็คนี้มีความดีฝ่ายคุณธรรมกตัญญูสามารถคารวะผู้หลักผู้ใหญ่พระสงฆ์องค์เจ้ารู้จักอ่อนน้อมถ่อมตนบันทึกงดงามต่อสายตาผู้อื่นนะ

[@user-xp7kd6cw4q]

ท่านจะลองไปค้นหาคำตอบที่ท่านตามหารายการออกของบทเป็นพระสงฆ์องค์เจ้าการค้นหาอะไรอยู่สัตยธรรมแห่งธรรมะหรือเราเริ่มต้นจากตรงไหนท่านก็คงชาติแล้ว