Building The Self You Were Never Allowed To Have, featuring Jerry Wise

[@jerrywise]

Dr C, it was such a pleasure having this discussion with you, thank you for having me on your podcast and channel, I would love to do this again! You built such an amazing community of people dedicated to their healing, I will be reading all of the comments on this video. Thanks again for having me

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Hey Jerry! Obviously you resonated well with #TeamHealthy. What a pleasure. Thanks for sharing your wisdom!!

[@amandaliverpool3374]

I really enjoyed and appreciated this opportunity to listen to these words of wisdom from the 2 of you. I am very fortunate to be a member of Team Healthy 🙏

[@lishmahlishmah]

So grateful to the Lord for people like you ✨💚 Yes, please, do work together again 👍 Blessings from Italy 🧡

[@well_weathered]

@@lishmahlishmah Are you familiar with 1Corinthians Chpt7? Can you read it and tell me how you understand it?

[@lishmahlishmah]

@@well_weathered Which part of the chapter? It is a bit "long" . Yes, I know that chapter quite well (in Italian). First thing I can say, for sure: a great part of the Catholic Canon Law about marriage is based on this chapter. Do you mean the marriage rules or what? ...I know there are lots of Catholic comments by experts, available for reading online... But as you can guess I have all references in Italian language. Anyhow, if we have that much in Italian, I think we have even more in English. Do you have a specific question? (For all Team Healthy People, both Liesel and I are Catholic. That's why I'm openly speaking like that)

[@cynthiadidier977]

Two years ago, I finally broke away completely (no contact) from my toxic family. Always the scapegoat. I am seventy years old, and I feel so much better.

[@caroleminke6116]

65 & finally narc free! Healing from CPTSD now but no longer trauma bonded to anyone & clarity is gradually replacing cognitive dissonance

[@caroleminke6116]

One toxic parent or golden child destroys the family dynamics & turns what should have been a safe place into a battlefield

[@nmc1859]

God Bless you. There's no reason to put up with abuse. However different we wish things could be ❤

[@billstewart1747]

Same here! I’m 62.

[@bereal6590]

Love hearing from older gens, gives me hope. Good luck to you ✌✋✊

[@surlif]

We are fortunate to have the wisdom of Jerry Wise and Les Carter together!! Much gratitude. 💞💞💞💞💞💞💞

[@gypsyfaded5907]

💯!!

[@diggitydank1083]

I was wondering just lazt week if these 2 knew each other. And bam 5 days l8r we get both of these enlightend individuals @ once. ❤

[@KaarinaKimdaly]

Pure gold. . .and we are the benefitting audience.

[@pamwhitehouse5961]

​Exactly❤@@KaarinaKimdaly

[@mercedessanchez6844]

Yes! It doesn’t get better than the two of them! Much gratitude to you both !❤

[@tgfitzgerald]

"Calmness is everything". That's right on but sooo difficult to master. Growing up in a narcissistic family system is akin to being raised in a cult. You've been programmed from birth to react and behave in a very specific way. And even after you recognize that fact you still experience the same reaction when you're triggered.

[@madeleinegrayson8372]

Very true. I found hypnotherapy and tools like kundalini yoga helped me to release those patterns. Both work with the subconscious and breath work to release trauma.

[@Seliz463]

The teachings of Jesus Christ helped me see that the calmness is my natural and true state underneath all that false programming, it was there all along. Nothing anyone else did to me, nothing I did to myself or others, and nothing that happened to me ever changed it. Nothing even had the power to change it because it was given to me by the Lord. It’s eternal and true. That’s how I am made in the image and likeness of God. In other words, the calmness is my authentic self, not a fake suppression and externally imposed control that I’m struggling to maintain in the face internal insecurity and anxiety. The false self of a narcissist (and those of us damaged by narcissists) is the latter, but our true identity as children of God is the former. Calmness is the true self. Knowing that, and continually receiving the graces of the Lord through the sacraments of the Eucharist at Mass, going to confession, reading scripture, and prayer/meditation (which can-and I think should-include physical practices like exercising mindfully) help keep me growing in deeper knowledge of that true self. It also helps me have compassion for others who are trapped in the false identity and spinning in their internal chaos. They just don’t know the truth of who they are, and I can pray for them while maintaining good boundaries and limits to keep myself safe and healthy. Edit: Anyway thats my novel about calmness lol

[@lynnebucher6537]

Narcissists will trade you the worst of themselves for the best of you. It's a really bad transaction!

[@malwads1836]

That's what we call a con-artist🤢.It's like the stereotypical sleazy used car salesman that tries to sell you a lemon & they tell you what a "great deal" it is🙄.

[@RandiPandi8-15]

Indeed!

[@juliefall2892]

Excellent description Lynne 🩷

[@christymartin6281]

Wow, I tuned in at the right time. My 87 year old dad has been guilting me and shaming me, making me feel like I'm a stupid teenager again. Dad, look at me, I'm 61, not 16!

[@caroleminke6116]

He’s never going to see you as anything other than his hand or foot

[@BeccaNiederkrom1]

Wow. I appreciate your comment because I thought I was the only one that had to also remind my toxic fam of my age.

[@ceeceethatsme9769]

Even if you were a teenager the disrespect would be inappropriate. They're running their mouths at grown adults like THEY can't get a spanking💪...

[@orianam9835]

Horrible.

[@purplepatch7]

The fact that fifty six thousand people have watched this means that narcisism is literally an epidemic. That is terrifying. I hope everyone that has dealt with a narcissist, whether it was your mother, father, partner, best friend....ect I hope you find you The you that you were never allowed to be with them. It is YOUR time to shine!

[@cleaningtim]

I agree!

[@HeartFeltGesture]

Do you really believe only America exists and the internet is an internal phenomena? Pandemic, worldwide, for thousands of years.

[@justanotherjezebeI]

In my thirties, when I found out that NPD was actually a clinical diagnosis and not just my mom being the queen from Snow White, it changed EVERYTHING for me. Understanding that trying to love my mother and be a part of her life was akin to trying to safely handle a rod of cobalt was what finally allowed me to go no contact and start reclaiming myself. I think understanding what is wrong with the other person can sometimes help us finally detach for real, without the burden of an overwhelming guilt plaguing us the whole time we try and move on. It can be so unbelievably liberating to finally know that it's really not your fault and actually had nothing to do with you from the beginning, and more importantly that there's absolutely nothing you can do to change them. After the grief of losing the relationship, and the healing that needs to happen after for a bit, comes the joy of learning to love yourself.

[@KatWoodland]

You’re singing my song @justanotherjezebel as I have considered my birth mother the queen in Snow White too. It’s been a two year healing period for me once I recognized that woman as a malignant narcissist. During this time I reparented and learned what positive communication was, realizing I was never listened to, or talked to, I was cajoled, coerced, and criticized.

[@justanotherjezebeI]

@@KatWoodland virtual hugs. I'm so happy you're healing. ❤️

[@RandiPandi8-15]

That comment was the breath of fresh air that I needed! Thank you:)

[@greyladydamiana]

“There is still a healthy person in there.” Omg I needed to hear this

[@Circus1990]

Cheers❤

[@tbunnyshy1]

My family is falling apart because I removed my invisible name-tag ‘Scapegoat’. They no longer find relief or release from me. I removed the buttons they push. It’s getting ugly. The reality is its been ugly since day one. Everyday means more as you respect yourself from a place of peace. Thanks be to God.

[@debbietodd8547]

Isn't that the truth?! It's just a DIFFERENT kind of ugly! It is INDEED a painful thing when you start to extricate yourself.......

[@genesis577]

My friend keep resisting the devil and go to the Lord Jesus Christ to meet all your needs for love and adequacy. God bless in Jesus name amen. The body of Christ is our real family.

[@malwads1836]

It's amazing how poor the functioning actually is for narcs & their flying 🐒s... They're very dysfunctional ordinarily but it goes to another level once the scapegoat removes their invisible name-tag.They typically end up turning on each other among other things😳.

[@bereal6590]

This is so true

[@cleaningtim]

I am in the process now after 40 plus years of abuse. Wish me luck! I wish you well also!

[@christinehenry305]

It's never too late to undo the damage others have caused us and forge ahead!

[@iw9338]

Excellent, very true 😅

[@herrroy4963]

I love the fact that Dr Les who worked his whole life with this topic still invites people and scan internet, read books and so on to even learn more. ❤ Thank you!

[@RobbieMeadows-oz4cx]

As one gets older. one reflects..We have all done things that we regret and feel guilt and regret and shame even..We grow..Narcissistic people are very rigid..Absolutely no regrets for nothing. Basically, they have never done anything wrong. It's such a telltale sign that something is off

[@vacooke]

So agree, that is the telltale sign. No matter what they've done.

[@istateyourname4710]

Love Mr. Wise! He certainly lives up to his surname.👌

[@carefulcarpenter]

"wisdom is never taught; wisdom is gained from direct personal experience and self-reflection. To challenge one's established beliefs and assumptions leads to spiritual growth. Stagnation comes when we believe too long in childhood dreams." "To know love is to know trust; to know oneself is to know truth." cc. 2020

[@MeCynthiaAnn]

Yes he sure does

[@well_weathered]

Following on spotify now

[@carolnahigian9518]

God bless him! Both Gentlemen.❤

[@LisaSmith-yb2uz]

I ABSOLUTELY AGREE 💯❤☺️👍

[@minkymandy6065]

When God saved me, I finally had a Father who accepted me unconditionally. I was able to disconnect from all the demands and judgements of my earthly father. I was set free indeed.

[@cubanadiense]

Enjoy the love❤ you deserve it

[@freedomwarrior5087]

Don't cut yourself short and do the hard work of recovery and loving yourself. There is no short cut to this.

[@PainfullyAngelic]

@@minkymandy6065 My brother chose addiction to a right-wing Christian evangelical cult instead of my father’s addiction to alcohol. While I am not suggesting that is what you have done or are doing (personally, I place a high value on spirituality). But as a consequence of his choice I have seen the generational trauma continue to roll downhill through his children. His choice was his way of avoiding doing the work on himself of individuating. Pray that you don’t risk making my brother’s mistake. My best wishes to you and I hope you also accept yourself unconditionally. I myself am still working on it.

[@daviddurango9562]

How the hell would you know what an imaginary heavenly father thinks? Why do you even think it matters? Hey man, I'm on your side, but you're taking a pill when I have a cure. Christianity is actually your worst enemy.

[@theguygrossi]

I come from a deeply toxic family. I write this for others who may be struggling. Sometimes the only thing you can do is WALK THE HELL AWAY FROM THEM ALL. They aren't changing and I had to accept that. I discovered talents about myself that inspired me to want to heal. Now that I love myself I don't want anything to do with those nasty ass people. I don't want them to meet my gorgeous fiance, I don't want them around my children to come, and they can't stand how amazing I have become after healing from my self destructive behaviors infused in me as a child.

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

I have had to walk away from a toxic family as well. My father was likely a malignant narcissist and I really don't know how to describe my mother. She was angry and often physically out of control with me. She and I never emotionally connected. I was afraid of her in a different way than I was afraid of my father. As the oldest of five children, I was lost about who I was. I'm slowly finding out who I am.

[@cleaningtim]

I am glad you are doing better after having walked away. I am in that process now after 40 plus years of abuse. I tell myself, at times it can feel lonely at age 62, but I was lonely and bothered with them in my life all of these years. At least now I may just be lonely here and there, but not bothered. Thank you for sharing your advice.

[@marywolfe6598]

You are two beautiful souls helping a lot of people. And....its interesting that one was a pastor and the other is a pastors son....God is in this message! Thank you both.

[@debbietodd8547]

I lost ME so long ago that I have no idea who that is. I remember trying to be the PERFECT child, the one who takes care of EVERYONE ELSE , so I wouldn't suffer the rath of an alcoholic father with a raging temper. I then married a narcissist at 19 and I disappeared even more because as we all know, nothing you ever do is right or good enough for a narcissist. Left him at 30. My oldest son is also a toxic narcissist/alcoholic and I'm the target. My sister is a narcissist too. Also had a narcissist for a manager at work in my later years and finally walked out of there one day after 15 years. I have cowered and been silenced for years. I attract them like flies to cow dung! I am SO reactive and can never find my words......until 24 hours later. I have been working at being non reactive, especially when I'm blindsided, but completely cutting them out of my life is hard, especially my son. I'm 69 now and still find myself being the cowering 5 yr. old at times. This was helpful to listen to, thank you both.

[@jammyjay917]

Me too....just starting to be me now in middle age, and am doing what I want to now and enjoy it...these videos are great especially with these two...

[@viv5645]

Lots of similarities, I ended up running my own business, it's very sociable and therapeutic, and I have learned so much from the lovely people who use my business.

[@orianam9835]

@@viv5645 what business are you in ? :)

[@genesis577]

Jerry Wise" so many people try to go out and change others when they themselves are not changed". Sir Wise that was fire. Thank you for that statement. I wish I learned that sooner in my christian walk. 28:37.

[@madeleinegrayson8372]

I love Jerry's differentiation of real shame versus the false shame they project onto you. That's a huge shift in perception for me.

[@RavenStealstheNight]

Such an important topic. So many of us raised by malignant narcissistic parents, we children, spend so much time having to behave in the manner the way our parents expect us to be... extentions of them... and in this brainwashing, we lose ourselves. No wonder so many us of, later in life will invariably end up asking ourselves, ' Do i like this because my mother/father expects it of me, or do I like this because, *I* generally, really like this...'

[@darinsmith2458]

You are the 2 main people I follow on Narcissism.. I think both of you do an amazing job..

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Pleased, Darin!

[@kerstitekko2257]

Same.

[@cleaningtim]

I love Dr. Carter! He seems to be such a nice person.

[@darinsmith2458]

@@cleaningtim yeah he does..

[@orianam9835]

And dr Ramani and Lisa Romano

[@jacquelineglitter4328]

Be yourself. Laugh when you want to, go where you want, be angry if you want, smile when you want,sleep when you need to, be goody when you want ect. Its a new process but you get to be yourself now.

[@iw9338]

Great advice 😮😅❤

[@MeCynthiaAnn]

PLEASE JERRY AND DR. C …have more videos together because I watch both of yours all the time and to see you both together is just so so fun. God bless you. From JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA

[@RootBound505]

Dr C, just yesterday I was hoping you’d have Jerry Wise on as a guest. Both have been instrumental in my healing ❤ Much gratitude for both!

[@coffee100ful]

Replacing the word "supply" with "self" really helped me.

[@usinelachine8087]

my 2 favorite podcasters having a conversation this morning. what a gift

[@fairygurl9269]

Much Respect to You Both 💞 Here's To Being Wise, & Dignity Respect Civility ♡

[@user-vt9kd4no8j]

🎯😊

[@pamwhitehouse5961]

Right on!❤ Great combo!🎉

[@tgfitzgerald]

Well said!

[@Tmcb2025]

Two angels sent by God to help the hurting. Thank you very much for all you do. Love and peace.

[@Juke582]

Wow 😮 outstanding to invite him as a guest! His knowledge is fantastic! I follow him as he covers different angle of narcissism! The family evil and scapegoating the good kid! The title here of this one got me teary 😢

[@tbunnyshy1]

Absolutely outstanding. 🕊 I feel heard by you too! 🎯❤️💕🕊

[@pamwhitehouse5961]

Very much the same❤😢

[@LadyHawkicall]

I was just thinking the other day how GREAT it would be if they got together with there expectation with the Narc great minds think alike . BRAVO BRAVO BRAVO

[@gypsyfaded5907]

My first time hearing Dr. Wise and I like him! A lot of us grew up hearing that "selflessness" is a virtue. We have to put our oxygen masks on first. We're no good to others if we're not first okay 💜🐾

[@user-vt9kd4no8j]

Well said! 👍

[@pamwhitehouse5961]

Absolutely 💯 %❤

[@flowerpower3618]

It is

[@ellencooney5563]

@@flowerpower3618 yes, but there is a fine line between selfless and self-destruction. Maybe that is why we are reminded that two or more gather in prayer to get real lasting results. "No I in team," etc.

[@bekind7288]

I've had to listen to this several times and will listen as many times as I need to have it sink in. The truth will set you free ❤

[@orianam9835]

Write it down

[@JettBlast]

Both of these great men have helped tremendously!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased!

[@JettBlast]

@@SurvivingNarcissism I would like to thank you Dr C, your insight helped me understand what was really going on not what I was taught to believe.

[@jswan312]

This topic is exactly what I’ve needed-I’ve often felt profoundly sad that “I didn’t get to be me” and I’d love to rebuild my life. I was raised to be “other-focused” and not self-focused and it’s so hard and discouraging. It’s hard to get interested or excited about doing things for me because it was never allowed to produce any results I could enjoy. Anyway, thank you both for this wonderful video. 🙏🏻

[@kimberlysweidy2670]

Loaning Self!!! Calmness Is Everything!!! Freakin' Brilliant!!!

[@caroleminke6116]

Keep calm & carry on just like royalty 👸

[@KaarinaKimdaly]

​@@caroleminke6116 Self- respect, human dignity. Joy.

[@rwdchannel2901]

The narcs hate calm people using grey rock method and having boundaries.

[@dianas2766]

Learned calm firmness and confidence in the school of hard knocks. I'm 66 and survivor of several narcissists; believe them, it's the only thing that works. That and gray rocking.

[@KaarinaKimdaly]

Thank you, I can relate.

[@carmenishere]

The forces of good unite! Can't wait :)

[@Sandtauruspig]

OH MY GOD I'VE BEEN WATCHING BOTH THESE GENTLEMEN FOR YEARS AND TO SEE THEM IN THE SAME VIDEO MADE MY DAY!!!!

[@bartlevenson7851]

If I bring calmness and life experience to the table, as I am now past 70, and my controlling person brings chaos and anger, how do I not "Borrow" That? That seems to be the trick. For me, it means making sure to spend enough time alone in my own reality, apart from their broken record chaos and vitriolic raging about all the same old same olds. Yep, frequent re- centering seems to help.

[@kimpeterson4846]

I was told to "GET BACK IN THE FAMILY" I was living with my parents at the time ⏲️ but I had stepped out of my position in the family and was making changes 🙃 my position was scapegoat....when I moved, the smear campaign started and I lost my entire family including children. I must say after I processed the loss and grieved adequately NOW MY LIFE IS DRAMA FREE AND ITS LIKE A PERPETUAL VACATION. VERY CALM, PEACEFUL AND JOYOUS 😊

[@KatWoodland]

I love that, “perpetual vacation” and can soooo relate!

[@rubberbiscuit99]

The concept of the pseudoself is hard for people to grasp unless they have had a narcissist attach and drain them of self, returning to them the negative self or "internal chaos" from inside the narcissist. It's a process, and amounts to spiritual warfare. I am surprised I ever came to a point of breaking through my denial, so I can see it. Thank you for this presentation.

[@caroleminke6116]

Exactly like a virus 🤦‍♀️ very primitive but also impossible to eradicate

[@KaarinaKimdaly]

You are right. Plus, I like your handle.

[@pamwhitehouse5961]

E, too.❤❤❤

[@pamwhitehouse5961]

I meant to type me, too.❤❤❤

[@gobigirl1]

May I ask-- what helped you to break through your denial? I've been watching loved ones in denial for over 35 years, and it is painful to see.

[@bereal6590]

Really hit me hard, what would happen if you gave up the guilt and shame. I really needed to hear this as I progress. My mother is the guilt queen from the snivelling the looks the things she says despite the hurt and harm those words and looks do, like daggers to my heart. My feelings don't matter, I'm the bad seed in her eyes. Then it flips to the sugary sweet hugs and helpfulness. The trauma bond is lessening but letting go of guilt is the final hold ✌

[@marykaymacshane1001]

Your mom is my mom….sniveling looks and what she says. She’ll say something hurtful and in the same sentence say I want you to be happy…what?! She’s 87 and I’m 63, and I live with her. Long story on how I got here, and why I’m stuck here with her. It’s been difficult at times. Just venting but wish I could talk to you.

[@bereal6590]

@@marykaymacshane1001 i hear you Mary, I get the negativity they exude. I live 4 doors from my parents, HUGE MISTAKE. I'm just a bit younger than you became very ill now long term. Dealing with anything around our mother's is 100 x worse because we are dealing with them as well. She is 80 and they're both worse now they're older. At least we now know we are not alone in our struggles. Our gen didn't have any of this info, if we had we would have run for the hills. Sending you validation and hugs 🤗

[@AAXS-op1vo]

This is SO terrifyingly accurate . I KNOW that I lent my ENTIRE self (as well as my family) to my ex spouse. And he heartily borrowed and took every ounce that he could. Mind you, he despised us all BUT he liked that he could capitalize (and weaponize) everything that was “attractive” and made HIM look attractive by PROXY. It is sad that it all makes sense that I often had to tell him “You like the IDEA of me but you don’t like ME.” I had NO IDEA of how truthful a statement that was way back when I first started saying that to him. He liked the IDEA of a nice family (and its resources) a faithful wife, beautiful children, but in reality, he resented and despised all the accountability and the fact that we would attempt to hold boundaries when the bad behavior popped up. As he is now my EX, you can imagine how THAT worked out. But I have never been happier or freer than when cut the ties with the narc ex. I am free. He most definitely is NOT (none of them are)

[@heatherwall9571]

Yep. Totally agree 💙🙏💙

[@angelacahill9460]

Dr. C you are so gracious to provide JW with this wider exposure! God bless both of you!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I thoroughly enjoyed this interview!

[@user-vt9kd4no8j]

@@SurvivingNarcissismreading the comments and I think we all agree on that! 😊

[@maureenroy4739]

My husband tells me my cure for having been the scapegoat is to care for myself.

[@daleg4299]

hey maureen, hang in to THAT guy!!!!👍

[@iw9338]

Great answer 😅

[@patrickwalsh2361]

I really appreciated this talk with Dr Wise as I’ve just started watching his videos over the last few months. Between you two guys and Dr Ramani, you’ve provided a golden framework for navigating through a dysfunctional narcissistic family and realizing that you often can’t enlighten them for a better and healthier relationship. I think that the serenity prayer is a really applicable gem of wisdom for these situations. Hats off to you guys!

[@spacegirl226]

I am so happy to see this crossover! Thank you, gentlemen!

[@michelepascoe6068]

Two good teachers - thank you both!

[@richardjslade]

For someone previously trapped in one of these family systems, this episode is just mins blowing clarity. Thanks Jerry for explaining things so clearly. The discussion about what happens when you don't get back in line was just too accurate

[@freedomwarrior5087]

I was the shattered but not completely annihilated scapegoat. I started to rebuild and integrate in my late 40's, I just turned 60 and I am happy with my progress. I found these videos in my mid 50's and finally learned about my life story. These videos are invaluable and both of you are saving more lives than you know, I can't thank you enough. My health has improved to the point that people tell me I'm aging backwards. Still damaged, but not broken.

[@wendypayne7693]

What a Dream Team! Thanks for this beautiful "session"! Big takeaway: changing another person...when a tree falls in the forest, it immediately and forever changes the environment around it. More sun, less competition for nutrients, etc.. But THE TREE itself was the ONLY CHANGE that INITIALLY happened. Changing ourselves WILL change the dynamics of our immediate or extended family, but we are only responsible for ourselves. Its not our responsibility to change others. This allows Freedom and Peace into our lives, and creates new solutions and new decisions. Thank you both for your amazing skills.

[@meechipeachi]

I see a placard with, "The malignant narcissist will never react well." Useful to remember 🎉🎉🎉

[@BaraSchmidt]

Thank you both for solidifying what I learned and knew as true for decades. I've made decisions for my life as I saw fit and learned to effectively deal with the backlash from family who want to "should" all over my life. My life's mantra: "You will always be too much - or not enough - for the wrong people." Sometimes that includes your own family!

[@jenp5759]

“You will always be too much - or not enough - for the wrong people. “ I’ll remember this. Thanks!

[@KaarinaKimdaly]

That is a powerful and memorable motto, and it is not a mantra. May your life always know Joy. Thanks for sharing your words.

[@BaraSchmidt]

@@KaarinaKimdaly by this definition, it is indeed a mantra. Continued Blessings! Mantra: a statement or slogan repeated frequently.

[@pamwhitehouse5961]

@BaraSchmidt Thank you for those kind words as well❤

[@malwads1836]

Excellent mantra,I'll remember it🌞👍🏻.A mantra I live by is "It's better to have a single lovely 🌹 growing in your garden than even a entire yard full of poison ivy"...It means it's better to have 1 genuine healthy friend than a bunch of toxic people in your life🙂.

[@Momofone1982]

I love it when emotionally intelligent helpful kind psychologists collaborate!!❤thank you both for everything!

[@thewoundedhealer4950]

Both together in conversation? I’m much looking foward to that!

[@lindawoods891]

I like that: 'Emotional location' in the family. I have never heard that before.

[@decadentdragon6217]

Two of my favorites in one place! This is a great topic - thank you both!! 🙏

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

Great title, that is exactly what I've been working on. I feel alone in the real world but feel the rain drops of validation from jerry wise, patrick teahan, many more. Xx

[@linnerskinner9355]

My two favorite dudes!

[@etphonehome4511]

Two legends! Buckle up!!!!

[@amberfuchs398]

Love Jerry's channel! He does a great job of explaining things within the context of a toxic family system. The family system context opened up a whole new understanding for me. It also helped explain why when we call things out, the *system* reacts to try and keep us in line. It helped me understand why I had to go no contact with my family of origin, and not just the main abuser in the family.

[@KaarinaKimdaly]

I agree with you. The malignant family system can also be replicated, when unhealed people from such systems get into other systems, such as classrooms, work places, assisted living residences, etc., hospitals, etc. where the people will get into power positions,; they crave power over others and over narratives. This dynamic is so toxic and does staggering damage to people and to society. Oh, two other systems: 'religious' systems and politics.

[@amberfuchs398]

@@KaarinaKimdaly Absolutely! They contaminate the culture.

[@raqueltorresmba]

Wow this is awesome my 2 favorite together! ❤️❤️ I will listen to this ⚡️⚡️💪💪

[@privatejen3590]

This is the dynamic duo of being wise and having dignity respect and civility. I am a long time listener of these great and compassionate men who pour love and peace into all they touch. Thank you for encouraging me to get to know me. ☺

[@sheilahogan7014]

Two of my favorite counselors together! I love that Mr. Wise specifically addresses the family dynamics of growing up in a dysfunctional family. You have both been such a help to me, thank you.

[@shylohmonster]

Thank you for the support of this wonderful collaboration. I appreciate your teachings, fellas.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Our pleasure!

[@AllisonGolightly]

Ooh a collab with Jerry Wise!! ❤ I love his channel too, I can't wait to see this one!!

[@rosalindlively677]

Wow. Two giants in the field. I could have listened to them for hours!!!

[@kittiemarie1235]

Now we just need Dr. Ramani, Jerry Wise, and Dr. Carter on a show together! My three favorite KZbinrs!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Great suggestion!

[@csillaschannel]

So glad to see two of my favourites together!

[@river1722]

Whew!! Yes (I haven’t finished the whole video yet)- my road to beginning the process of acting upon my own true self and building my life around it- that has been confidence! Identifying what my feelings vs their feelings and perceptions, identifying my emotional+thought compulsive responses to their stuff and what the purposes of my responses were, and then seeing myself for who I actually am. Then I was able to begin the process of choosing myself and managing my emotions and then slowly moving through layers of grief. It’s worth it, and I’m not even on the other side of it yet ❤❤❤

[@user-vt9kd4no8j]

🙏❤️

[@kimlawson9869]

This is so important for those of us having had to deal with this. I wish I had known about this years ago to prevent so many years of unnecessary suffering and psychological blindness

[@KawakebAstra]

Thank U gentlemen .. life parallels itself .. toxic relationships on all levels

[@sandi2490]

I was one of those people who wanted to fix my narcissistic sister , I starting to finally understand that it starts with me. Great advice gentlemen! It’s also great to hear laughing in a constructive manner!

[@ggccministry8494]

The world needs this wisdom!

[@KaarinaKimdaly]

Yes, and I count myself fortunate to witness it, and hope to follow their example, growing in love and wisdom, and living that. I am experiencing gratitude in the cardiac region, even though it is through a teeny screen. Amazing.

[@northstar5919]

I dont know if these two great people know how much they help with their words. Thank you both.

[@lindalou4858]

Love it. Know thy self You have no control other than YOURSELF ❤😂🎉 Stay calm and carry on Knowledge is power

[@saraheck7898]

These two are my favorites on this subject. They are like the two wise uncles (no pun intended) everyone wishes they had. ❤

[@downhomegirl5]

This is nice.. rebuilding your core self after being so abused.. music to my ears ❤ I still have fear of this happening again. I think its more of them emptying you & I am not giving.

[@pamelahicks2512]

I know that I am a capable person but I hear the negative talk of my mother..on a loop.

[@karolemcaninch6495]

Oh Dr. Carter!!! Homerun out of the ballpark! Jerry Wise is wise! And so are you, good Doctor! Thank you. Needed this today!!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad you enjoyed it! Jerry is one of the good guys!

[@KaarinaKimdaly]

​@@SurvivingNarcissism It brought joy to my heart to listen to you and Dr. Wise here so harmoniously communicate.

[@adrianascholtz3500]

Thank you Les for having Jerry. Calmness is everything. God bless you my friends!

[@madeleinegrayson8372]

So true, and when you've been traumatised by a narc parent, or two, calmness and peace is something we desperately crave.

[@VampyressVA]

Two of my favourite experts on narcissism here on YT, together! What a treat. Thank you!

[@grasshoopersclub]

Thank you Dr. C for bringing in Mr. Wise. All love from South Africa!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're welcome.

[@janiebankston2003]

Im a scapegoat forever , no matter what I do , they keep you around if your useful and seem to enjoy your failures when bad things happen they say I deserve it and its carma kicking in .I understand what it is and am so ready to fly.

[@susanfirbank3508]

"They borrow self from you and you need to loan self to them." That's exactly how it feels and probably why when I'm in the presence of others, regardless of whether they are healthy or narcissistic, I shut down because my expectation is that they are going to hijack my sense of self. I learn way more from Dr. Carter's podcasts than I've ever learned in therapy.

[@funfam53879]

🔥Great chat! Thank you both !

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I agree. Jerry's insights are really helpful.

[@Simone79126]

I am so grateful for you two to share this knowledge! Not to feel alone in this and being able to put words on what happened to me is paramount to my recovery!

[@karolemcaninch6495]

He's like a wise brother. You're still "my Dad"!!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

What a nice compliment!

[@TheeyeOftruth-yx2np]

This was absolutely tremendous, Thank you so much for this DR Les and Jerry, You're right they want to fill you with them, They steal you, You're qualities, Talents, Personality, Creative mind, Duplication, Deception, All glory to the universe, The most high, God is great, Discernment, Peace, love, Respect to you both and everyone, Thank you universe 🌷🐎🌲👽😍🌝🦄🌹🐉🌌💚🌈😃🕊🦁😇💛💜☘😊

[@lishmahlishmah]

This is stuff I surely need. Thank you dr C. Thank you, in advance, Mr Wise.

[@vladimiraofficial]

Dear Jerry Wise and Les Carter, you are my most favourite people in the field of narcissism. You truly helped me to SAVE MY LIFE. TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY. THANK YOU. Please, a lot of videos together! ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

[@jenp5759]

And Dr Ramani is up there for me too.

[@vladimiraofficial]

@@jenp5759 Yes, she is great in many ways, too! 🙏🏻

[@KaarinaKimdaly]

This was like beautiful music, so positive and harmonious.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@jenp5759 I like Dr Ramani 👍

[@pamwhitehouse5961]

​@@jenp5759Yes, Dr. Ramani , too. ❤

[@jameskerrigan2997]

When you feel guilty for feeling happy, double down. Do that thing and reward your self for it. Your success and happiness is the best revenge.😊

[@TheMatriarch-uf6xs]

The interrupting was really intense. We all need to wait our turn to talk. Thank you for your calm and composure Dr. C.

[@iammaxwellcole]

Great convo with Jerry, Dr. C. The beginning set a good tone. Appreciate the discussions that you have with others in this space. It’s also refreshing hearing from more men in this space.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes, these days, women make up about 75% of the profession.

[@JKB-ji6xl]

Thx Mr. Wise! & thx Dr. C... another classic! I too couldn't answer self-focused ?s but U help me understand: I supressed my self & took on another's emptiness. Years later I followed Christ & emptied what I'd believed 2B me: I found fullness, &, 4 1st time since childhood, stopped feeling suicidal. ❤😂

[@KaarinaKimdaly]

Finding the Plenum.. .

[@pamelaruth7400]

Jerry's video calmness is everything was life altering for Mr in the best way!

[@ErumEhmad20]

You two together have made understanding the effects of Narcissism on a person so clear. All that Dr. Wise explained is what I have been experiencing. I am sentient. I feel my inner self/energy being shoved to a corner creating emptiness, and all I feel and hear in that void is the narcs thoughts, and how it should make me feel. But all this time my subconscious keeps nagging me to pay attention to myself. The self that's suppressed, and free it. I occasionally succeed in having it expand through me and then the narc takes over again. After listening to this collaborative and educational session, I am able to keep the narc out as I cut off the deal with her 😉 no more of her, only me. Which is also coming from Dr. C's book "Enough About You, Let's Talk About Me."

[@poshperfect1393]

This conversation nearly brought me to tears. I felt deeply validated. Thank you! It’s great that you two met and collaborated because I have found your channels to be similar and empowering. You’re good looking old men who remind me of my healthy, biological Dad which I find to be of comfort.

[@Nicole-Faith]

I won't be able to watch live today but I know that this content will be a great help to myself and many. I follow you both on KZbin and want to thank you both for collaborating on much needed content. I know this will be so helpful. 💛

[@gigicolada]

Worlds colliding! I love you two and I love you two together! I grew up distant from my dad (I had many stepfathers but…) and I consider you both like second fathers ❤️