TW: (Discussion of DV) "I forced my husband into an Open Marriage"

[@redsunflower8999]

She didn’t force him, he cheated first. he stepped out of the bonds of marriage first. She should cut her loses and divorce him now…going back and forth with a cheater has no benefit for women and isn’t worth the emotional turmoil.💁🏽‍♀️

[@TheePrincessBrat]

She should separate and just go on dates if that’s what she wants. But don’t let him know she’s dating again. Also, get a restraining order and do supervised pick up/drop off with the kids since he wants to make threats

[@glamour89]

She should do a reverse UNO against him and serve a divorce paper!

[@misshouda1740]

Let her humiliate him first then get rid of him😂😂

[@jojoone1099]

A death threat is dangerous. Both of those women are abused.

[@MF-ty2zn1]

Threats are assault, which is illegal. Press charges.

[@wheatgerm1208]

Another red flag was skipped over and I think it's important. Beware of the man who talks down your female friends or tries to keep you from having any. Insecure men fear your closeness with other women, because they know the other women will clue you in to how much you are mistreated. Having a friend is an asset, and he knows it. Your women friends will help you leave, give you money, hide you from him. He can't afford to let you have any of that. Keep your friends close, and if he objects, dump him sooner rather than later.

[@beewest5704]

And it makes him your only support structure so you are less likely to leave him.

[@shy_donut8307]

Had a best friend of 10+ years fall for his shit…we haven’t seen her since in a year

[@wheatgerm1208]

@@shy_donut8307 If you can, let her know you're still there if she needs you. She may well need someone one day, and chances are good she won't have anyone.

[@shy_donut8307]

@@wheatgerm1208 she blocked us on everything…and when we reached out to her mom out of concern she said she changed her phone number and didn’t tell us. Not to mention the man she got with had a DV record that she was well aware of. My heart breaks for DV victims but the people that try to support or help them are human too. If you’re actively cutting off contact from everyone, I’m gonna leave you alone and move on. We can do nothing but hope she’s okay.

[@shy_donut8307]

@@wheatgerm1208 we tried…she blocked us on everything and changed her phone number without telling us. We didn’t know until we contacted her mom out of concern. Even she was tight lipped and acted strange. My heart breaks for DV victims, but the people that try to support and help them are human too. If someone cuts off all contact with me after trying to help them in a dangerous situation…I’m gonna leave them alone. We just hope she’s okay.

[@jamiepinski922]

The second situation is very scary. It is easy for women to say leave, but the woman has been abused emotionally and that has her almost paralyzed. Proceed with a lot of caution 😢

[@pgcfriend]

#1 - I dated a fella 40+ years ago that exploded in a rage when he got angry over anything. He never did anything directly like that sorry excuse of a husband did, but his enragement was frightening. That relationship lasted only a few dates. Years later I discovered that what I experienced is considered emotional abuse by the National Domestic Violence Hotline. The fact that sorry excuse of a husband stated that he almost shot her, knowing how she felt about guns, is a sign that she needs to immediately go somewhere safe and end that sham of a marriage.

[@chaosprince8291]

I don't understand why the first woman thinks the marriage is worth continuing.

[@BurbNBougie]

Same

[@TetrapodsOfLaniakea]

Maybe sunk-cost fallacy (money/business tied up in it, etc.) ... but it's still a fallacy: better off ending that mess, imo.

[@anthill1510]

She said it: they have money and business ties. I think she just found out he cheated and is still processing what happened and how to react. She is looking for revenge right now or at least trying to get even. She needs to figure herself and her situation out and leave him.

[@08Davis2]

I hope both OPs can leave safely.

[@ccannon1]

So his argument is “yes I cheat but I don’t want you to cheat” like sir, she didn’t want you to cheat either!

[@christopherg2347]

8:08 "Schrödingers Douchebag: person who makes offensive or inflammatory remarks and characterizes these statements as either sincere or joking based on the reactions of others." No show of understanding shows he meant it and is trying to gaslight you into thinking it os a joke.

[@anthill1510]

Schrödingers Douchebag 🤣🤣🤣 Thank you for posting this, I have heard it before, but forgot about that term. The context these "jokes" were made in is terrifying, though.

[@TheePrincessBrat]

Story 2: she should tell her doctor about their relationship so she never slips up and discloses anything. This why there has been talk about including questions about DV on patient forms. Most doctors don’t know the warning signs or how to approach that convo with their patients. But they’re some of the first ones who could spot the abuse. That man will absolutely act on those thoughts and the children aren’t safe either. He hates them too I bet the start of their relationship was concerning too. There are so many red flags in her story. But coming from her background, I’m not surprised she missed them

[@michelleandreya7208]

I agree. The OP should absolutely confide in her Doctor.

[@msthang5366]

That’s why I keep talking to my grand kids. Especially my grand daughter. But she’s not listening. She point blank asked me “if I hated men”? I will keep my mouth close for now.

[@TheePrincessBrat]

@ she wont get it if she’s still too young. Just tell her to keep that information for later, so if she sees warning signs she can get out asap and that she can always come to you. My sister was like that but now shes in her mid 20s and understands

[@msthang5366]

@ I told her that

[@HoneyBadger80886]

​@@msthang5366get curious, not silent. Take a different tack. She's worth the effort. Much respect 🙏

[@MizMorgue1]

She's entered survival mode. Been there. She needs to see her Dr, get therapy, get her ducks in row(quietly) and leave the moment she feels safe to do so. I wish her the best❤

[@Vanessa-ii7cc]

Second woman needs to consider go to the police. Let they know. If something happens to you, don't let they even think it is an accident. He needs to be the suspect number 1!

[@fantym-1]

The 1st person investigated is the Significant Other in almost all cases. Having a record (in a safe place) of such utterances moves it from mansl to premeditated. There are devices, such as in-home monitoring - which can store data off-site

[@annejohnson5875]

I hope both these women will be ok. And I hope these videos help young women learn to be wise and careful before entering into a relationship with a man.

[@Diana734]

She needs to go to the cops and start writing a diary in case something happens to her.

[@jannibal9273]

Even if she doesn't want to go to the police and have a record of the threat against her, she should definitely hired a DIVORCE ATTORNEY and tell him the full details about the threat so he or she has a record of it, as well as keeping her own record -- but she needs to have that record of any future threats, etc. in a place where others will know where to find it and how to access it, for instance, if she has it on a personal computer, what if he takes the computer and hides it or dumps it in a pond, that kind of thing. Geez, having to even think about protecting a record of threats and somebody being able to have access to them if something bad happens - we shouldn't even have to be talking about such things but that's the reality of life, sadly, for women since probably Day 1. Remember Adam - the jerk - blaming Eve for his disobeying the one rule that the "Creator" had passed down to them, not to eat the fruit from a certain tree.

[@rn2787]

The second story isn't a joke. You can joke about anything, but if he's controlling and abusive that's how you know that the person you are dealing with isn't joking. My cat could basically burn my house to the ground and I may make a joke about ending them, but I don't hurt my cat emotionally or physically in the first place. I wouldn't intentionally hurt my cat unless it was in self defense.

[@b1njjj95]

Exactly this! These 'jokes' are never truly jokes. They're put in place for abusers to test your boundaries before they proceed to the next phase in their twisted little handbook guide. There's nothing funny about threatening someone's livelihood, or deliberately saying or doing things to hurt someone.

[@rn2787]

@b1njjj95 it's similar to if 2 women who are friends call each other bi*ch as a joke, but your boyfriend doing it to put you down isn't a joke. They act like context doesn't matter even though they know it does.

[@AndyyWithAY]

I know this is serious, but the eggplants in the mistletoe 😂😂 If this doesn't benefit OP, no need to do this. Just get divorced. He doesn't think what's good for the goose is good for the gander, so I was worried about violence. He already threatened that. GTFO as soon as its safe to do so

[@BurbNBougie]

Me learning how to make these thumbnails has been crazy 🤣

[@Vanessa-ii7cc]

First woman... Does she want revenge or something? Just leave. Don't let him suck any more second of your life.

[@beingilluminous]

The second story is heartbreaking. I noticed that there are more nefarious services from women to help women get free, as our ancestors used to have to do. The safety nets don’t exist easily. For me to escape my situation, it took miracle after miracle and I’m still in a very vulnerable position. Changes take time and it’s always frustrating not to be able to “fix it” when we see why a person ended up with a dangerous situation. It’s time to hold the dangerous ones accountable across all of existence, when they come to harming another like that. Wishing her all the solutions and support. There are so many that don’t make it out and deserved better 🙏🏻

[@BurbNBougie]

It is a struggle to be sure. Women def deserve better

[@beingilluminous]

@ 💯! Five years ago, I ended up having to return to my mother‘s house, though we had been estranged, with a new relationship, and that man descended into madness, mixing meds and alcohol. It took me three years to escape, & I am still working to get on my feet. My roommate and I love your content! I know things will shift and hopefully more solutions will show up. Using dark humor for a loving heart is understandable and wishing you and yours and amazing 2025! 🙌🏻✨🙏🏻😎👏🏻✨

[@jannibal9273]

Did you really mean to use "nefarious" which means "wicked or criminal" (definition) in our comment? Such organizations are life savers, not wicked or criminal. It is true, however, that you need to be sure it's a legit above-board organization. Domestic abuse takes all different forms and doesn't just mean physical abuse. In many situations, the abuse is mental and emotional and absolutely terrifying and meant to beat down the person psychologically, to destroy that person's sense of value and worth, to terrorize into submission, but the physical threats are also always there. Lady #2 needs to check with her local city or county for a service organization that helps abused women. You don't need to leave your name, you just make a call to get contact information, and then make the call to the organization. Truly, they can help. Back in the early 1980s when I was in law school, I worked one semester as a volunteer with abused women who took the step to file a criminal complaint against an abuser. I wasn't a licensed attorney at the time so I couldn't give legal advice, but I was there as an advocate and - I guess the closest word would be a comforter to be there next to her side, holding her hand and trying to psychically transfer as much courage and calmness as I could to the victim as we sat through meetings with an Assistant DA, go through the processing, and sitting across a conference room table from the perp and his attorney, etc. Help is out there - Lady #2 just needs to find it and reach out. There are safe houses she would be able to run to and stay at until she got her situation into some kind of order, and only the counselors know the locations, which are never publicized.

[@beingilluminous]

@ I appreciate your perspective on this. I was referring to a specific sociopath who offers a Cinderella service who isn’t above doing things that are illegal to help people. I still struggle, no matter what I endured, to reprogram a lot of the ideas of how a person “can be saved”. Now i understand there are vigilante services that are more public about what they do. I agree, that all actions need to be explored, when a person feels trapped. I am just pointing out that when peaceful measures can’t be taken, then violence is for hire, and has always been. 🙏🏻

[@beardpapa12]

This isn't an open marriage. She caught him cheating so she told him what he can do she can do and he's freaked & angry. She needs to leave to save her life. She needs her go bag and stay in a safe area and start talking to a lawyer.

[@thefrog6316]

These women made the right choice to protect their own safety. Threats aren't acceptable.

[@AIBot929]

S2: What was the joke!?... Force them to explain the joke, cuz he's NOT joking

[@TMFJ747]

The second story was ridiculous. Ughhhh, he sounds disgusting 🫣 😒

[@candicewilliams-drake5923]

The majority of the money, the investment, and the hit to the pockets will probably be hers, which is why she wants to stay in the marriage and not lose her money. And to be honest, she’s probably not ready not to be married

[@louhortonsculpture]

13:34 yes they target vulnerable people.

[@hellohey000]

The second story is one of negative relationship attachments. Her mother, brothers, and dad didn't love and respect her so she got with a man who mirror the same relationship dynamics as her family members. He neither love or respect her. She needs to heal her childhood relationship trauma and divorce the loser.

[@roninboxers]

That man is terrifying. I hope she takes that as serious as it is.

[@stephaniemartin9253]

The predation is wild! These are some insecure 🕺. They don’t know to work on themselves at all.

[@nixeradicatus]

I told all my boyfriends, "If you open our relationship, you open it for both of us. And I'm not obligated to inform you I know it's been opened."

[@BekkaPoo]

At some point women as a whole are going to have to realize that being a sahm is s risk factor for abuse. Be independent first and always, even in a relationship! Money is your freedom, so don't just hand it over to the nearest xy.

[@tiffanypayne6124]

You know what i never could understand is how a woman can be with a man that she's scared of... Good luck, ladies.😵‍💫💯

[@nurseclaire5252]

I wonder if she has applied recently, after covid we are so low on nurses I'm surprised a nursing home wouldn't hire her. Definitely could see some bullshit like that though. (might also not be the us)

[@samiraByTreeF2L]

Thank you Burb🙏❤!!We need what you are doing to keep exercising our caution

[@b1njjj95]

Story 2: Geez! Holy mackerel! 😨😨 OP #2 needs to also leave! Both OPs need to leave ASAP! These are not 'jokes' or empty threats. They're warnings that these m are unhinged and power hungry!!! I am praying to all the goddesses that these women make it out safe.

[@1108-g1q]

Get-back might sound good but I have never seen it work out. I know a man who is seeing a lady and she is married. It is a get-back relationship. I can't believe that she is going to teach her husband a lesson. He didn't value her and now the man she is seeing knows about the whole ordeal and I perceive that he also doesn't respect or value her. Anyone who would agree to this setuprobably doesn't have a lot to offer.

[@vladimirazubcekova7727]

rules for thee but not for me. same old song.

[@nahplop2896]

Thank you for the video. Not much to say on these two stories. So to feed the algorithm with a comment: you cut the video on smash and now I'm seeing an hulked out leopard as the thumbnail for your next FAFO video XD

[@b1njjj95]

LEOPARD HULK SMASH! 🐆

[@nahplop2896]

@@b1njjj95 YESSSSSS

[@respectabletampodcast]

She needs to make a clean break. Dragging things out won’t help anyone.

[@TMFJ747]

This story sounds dangerous 😳 ☠️

[@b1njjj95]

Oh dear god. OP in Story 1 needs to leave IMMEDIATELY! Jokes about harming others are not actually jokes. They're threats disguised as 'jokes'! OP's husband is mad that OP is now doing what he did to her for x amount of time. He thinks the rules don't apply to him but should apply to her. Nah. You don't get to be unfaithful and then drop threats when you get a taste of your own medicine.

[@briannaobrien4419]

I mean he already "opened" it up. So. 🤷‍♀️

[@jannibal9273]

I don't understand the concept of having an "open marriage" - what's the point? The first woman should just get divorced and stay single and can mingle guilt free and not tied to any one man. Marriage is supposed to be a commitment between two people who take vows, for goodness sake! If that's not what you get because one person wants to still play around on the outside, proposing an open marriage won't cure the issues. Don't play his game, get out - now! Hire a DIVORCE ATTORNEY, not a general practitioner. A DIVORCE ATTORNEY specializes in divorce law and will know how to track down assets, etc. and get the parties untangled from each other's business enterprises. I think she also need to protect herself from that man who evidently walks around armed with a gun (?) and said he was so angry he wanted to shoot her and the guy he saw her out with. RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG!

[@kenofken9458]

I've had open relationships for decades. I won't ever go back to monogamy. But it's not something you force the other party into or spring on them by first cheating. Anyone that takes an interest in me know from minute one of day one what the terms are, and they're free to take them or walk away.

[@b1njjj95]

The general rule should be if the marriage started out monogamous, then it should stay that way. If you want multiple partners, get a divorce because it's not fair to your partner when they wanted to be committed to only one person. Obviously there are expectations, but it just seems like 9 times out of 10 these sudden urges to open up a marriage never pan out because the original plan was to remain monogamous.

[@msthang5366]

I am exhausted

[@catlover2223]

Hey Burb! Just watched your video and I wanted to thank you for always posting such important content! I wanted to let you know that a lot of the cuts in this video cut off the ends of your sentences. Love your comments, and I don’t want to miss the end of your thoughts! 😊 Keep up the good work!

[@BurbNBougie]

Ok thanks. I'll do better about the stopping and starting. Thanks for the feedback

[@catlover2223]

@ Sure thing! Thanks for continuing to make great content!

[@HoneyBadger80886]

Good for the Goose...

[@artistcreatorallymamii]

Do you even have access to a bank account Like a shared account Why get married if you can even have things in both of your names ? It is never good for one person to have everything in their name Very suspicious 🤨

[@hippie1252]

Everyone should just have stuff in their own name. Problem solved.

[@imabosssorta1923]

Not suspicious at all for a married couple to have separate accounts. What if one has a bad spending habit and drains the entire account and now both are struggling? What if the marriage turns abusive so the abuser moves all the money to their own account anyway? Everyone needs their own money that only they can access.

[@b1njjj95]

Always, always, *ALWAYS* have your own funds separate! And always have an emergency fund just in case. Joint accounts are fine as long as you still have your own separate safety net to fall back on.

[@CrucialOlive]

Okay, this should ne interesting.

[@Blgenx]

Good morning 🌄Burb and Burbies ✨ This is why I was 4B before it had a name 💯 No thanks, my peace and serenity is EVERYTHING 💎🩷

[@astrinymris9953]

It's like 'The City Mouse and the Country Mouse' tells us. What good are riches if you have to live in fear of being unalived at any time?

[@b1njjj95]

This! I am starting to realize that I was 4B waaaay before it was even a thing. Just hearing my friends' dating horror stories plus my own disinterest in dating made me focus on building my career.

[@Chipster724]

I know someone who stayed married because divorce meant risking loss of all assets. I get not wanting to lose what you worked for, but there has to be a better way. Story #1 seemed to be staying only for $ reasons

[@TMFJ747]

Thank you, Burb. 👍🏿 Is it okay that I call you Burb? I apologize if thats not okay. ❤❤❤

[@BurbNBougie]

Of course you can call me Burb. ❤️❤️🤗🤗

[@TMFJ747]

@BurbNBougie Thanks 😁😁😁

[@onycagayle4485]

🎉

[@kandavis53]

Good Morning Burb.

[@BurbNBougie]

Morning 🌞

[@nottodaycolonizer]

AND you are risking the mans life that you are dating...

[@rengurenge]

Their life is not endangered and I would say not as important. Men from both stories are as comfortable as they can be so why you worry about them, It's women who needs help to get out and second story immediately before he realizes she wants to escape.

[@nottodaycolonizer]

@@rengurenge shes dating men that may not know that she has a husband that may be a threat. we are not debating WHO the threat is...