Byron Katie: Find Out What is True

[@lindaraereneau484]

As for things like litter, focus on the cat in front of your kid. Make it clear that it's not about you. It's for this creature who can't do it for him/herself. It's about another sentient being, not you or your kid. This makes a difference. When you do it, make it clear you're doing it for the comfort and health of this being. Be an example to your kid of kindness. It's the idea that he should do it for you that causes resistance.

[@xannaz9226]

LOVE the last thing she said, "You want fear? Go to the future. You want guilt? Go to the past." I need all the reminders to stay present that I can get, and this was a good one.

[@lauriemtz8616]

I am with you there👍🏽

[@sevothtartesama18]

Another perspective: I am not American and I come from a culture in which children are (almost) never expected or asked to do chores. I see so many comments being affronted by the idea that the child might be left free in their spare time, without chores or “have-tos”. Please know that this is your cultural lens contributing to your surprise and disgust at this idea. No your children will not grow up faulty if they don’t have chores as long as your parenting is solid. My parents always told me when I offered to help around the house: “Your only job is to study at school, the other things are for us”. I grew up fine. I became a neat person that can’t even stand to not unpack the suitcase when back home no matter how late I return from my travels or how tired I am. I keep a good house. I am a good cook. I got a bachelor, a master and a PhD. I am not a parent, but now that I am an adult I also view things from my cultural lens: Life is sooooo hard. The more you grow up, the more pain you are faced with. So, children should have a carefree childhood. They will do enough chores when they grow up. They will work for their money. They will see horrible things. Let them be children, teens, anything they can be till they become adults… life is hard enough as it is. I do not judge the American lens. I am simply pointing out that it is not universal. Do your job as a parent to bring up good-hearted, honest, well-adjusted children that know empathy and love. That is enough. They will become adults, don’t worry. Till then? Well. You chose to have them… Yes, they are hard work - did you think otherwise before having them?

[@nancun2837]

If you could get to the point in a few sentences, people would read it

[@sevothtartesama18]

@@nancun2837 Tell me you are a sociopath without telling me you are a sociopath

[@jcarl7917]

So wonderfully expressed - thank you Sevothtarte Sama.

[@nadiabishop5650]

My mum was like this! I never did a chore or cooked a meal or folded a sock or cleaned a dish, she told me that was things for adults and now I love to cook and I keep my house clean, I feel like I will raise my child the same, I will let her be a child for as long as possible 😂

[@xannaz9226]

@@nancun2837 Some of us have an attention span greater than that of a gnat. I found her sentences illustrative, not excessive.

[@roselaura-gracesing4968]

Byron Katie’s work changed my life 100%. I started with Eckhardt and that was awesome but Byron’s work literally shows you how to come to the place of enlightenment, peace and the answer of how to deal with hard situations.

[@dionysusnow]

The most important aspect of being a good listener is being able to listen to your own narrative.

[@marycameron3592]

When I do The Work I get clarity about a situation. From this place of clarity I'm able to deal with my son not doing his chores differently. I break out of my reactive patterns. I become the wise one, no longer the crazy one.

[@queersobercurious3222]

We are so lucky to have BK on the planet at this time. I attend her Monday-Wednesday "At Home With Byron Katie" as often as I am able. "No one has more wisdom than anyone else", she often says. I found that hard to believe, but I'm becoming a believer as I watch person after person (the "teachers' of the day), slow down and take the time to access their wisdom as they do the work and confront the situations, relationships and perceptions that are causing them irritation, pain and suffering. Katie is there to guide, but the person, the "teacher" is the one who is allowing their truth to reveal itself in the open space of inquiry. Weather it's a small issue, like a person being cut off in traffic, or horrific child abuse, The Work, the four questions and the turnaround have the capacity to end the toxic trances and nightmares that make us suffer. And it's not about positive affirmation. It's about waking up to a reality that goes deeper than the ego/stories of self. "I don't call it the work for nothing" Katie often says, but there's also a lot of laughter and relief. If you want to lighten up, I highly recommend attending if you can. You can find the session on her web site or even on her Face Book Group. Maybe I'll see you there.

[@laceym314]

I'm 8min in and already feeling the emotions boiling to the surface. Why do you do this Mayim? Why do you bring these amazing guests who make me look into myself to find what I need to do to make my own self improve? I don't know, but keep doing it. (Weeps in the corner).

[@elled10024]

As a friend of mine always said “tears are a good sign.”

[@petershelton7367]

Johnathon why are you wasting your time running with the sheep the wolves need you to be what you are blaze a trail what you are doing now is just feeding the gossip machine of ignorance. OK so maybe Katie is just not my bag. We need to get beyond problem solving and move into creative expansion or all die of consumption disease

[@janinejackson9477]

My elder sister and I talk about our childhood experiences and we discovered that we experienced exactly the same moment but we perceived the moment very differently. Niether of us is right or wrong we just experienced that moment differently. There were 5 kids in the house and grew up together but each one of us has had a different childhood. The same moment but experienced differently due to our own individual perception. We remember the same thing differently.

[@katiegreenwood8738]

Have a look at Carol Tuttle’s energy types. ‘The Child Whisperer’ explains why we all perceive the same situation differently due to our leading energy types. It’s so accurate. 💖

[@suzanteman6376]

Look at the enneagram and different personality types to understand why we have different perspectives of the same situation.

[@melissapark7470]

I love it when Johnathan steps in on spiritual discussions. His insights are a special form of tangible study. It is loving and measured and you are beautiful together. Thank you for this podcast today and every Tuesday. Love you guys!

[@constancewalsh3646]

I agree with you 100% regardless of how many words you use. Children and even adults learn through the behaviors of those around us. Verbal commands tend to do the opposite of what the parents want. I was nagged for my messy room like millions of teenagers, yet turned out as neat as my mom when I got my own place to live. Your comments on culture are right on. I could write lots more words about that! I look, act and sound American but am not and have other perspectives.

[@deeboyd9844]

Mayim brought up that she can't get one of her boys to change the cat litter and that it hasn't been changed for several days. Post podcast, Mayim told Jonathan that she didn't understand what Byron Katie was saying about addressing this issue - she asked should she just work all week and then do chores all weekend that her boy is supposed to do. I don't think this was the point Byron Katie was making. The way you talk to your children doesn't mean you don't have any expectations of them or that they can just do anything they want with no consequences. The manner in which you handle expectations is important - without yelling, hostility, forcing. So for instance, Mayim could solve the litter issue by simply and calmly letting her son know that he has duties and responsibilities in the family just as she herself has -- for example let him know he can't have his phone until the litter is changed. Mayim said on weekends she would be doing all the chores then fixing everyone lunch and supper and she would never have a break from work --- so another example would be to let her son know he can't come to the lunch table to eat until after he changes the litter. A connection will be made in the child's mind that just as he has a need to eat and someone is taking care of his needs he also has a responsibility to take care of the needs of his pets. He will make the connection that his mother could just as easily not take care of his needs - she could just not fix meals and say she doesn't feel like it. Everybody's part to play in a family becomes obvious. There has to be a discussion about everyone's needs in a family and that includes the animals who depend on your care. So ultimately "NO" one person can't just not ever do anything they "don't feel like doing" but it is the way you conduct yourselves and how you conduct conversations -- with logic, love and calmness.

[@karenburch1397]

Cognitive Therapist , Dr. Burns book, ‘Feeling Good’ book provided me with the same epiphany. I began questing my every thought that presented any form of discomfort. I no longer hate myself, I don’t degrade myself, I don’t feel like a human failure and my life has significantly improved. I love growth! That’s why I love you two too. Life is grand! Thank you for working your arses off for our growth. You guys ROCK!

[@marisamartinezolivera]

How do you Mayim & Jonathn manage to have such amazing list of guests? Byron Katie’s words “Do you want to meet the love of life: Look at the mirror” was said to me years ago by a very loved and now missed friend. After “digesting” its true and not superfluous nor shortsighted meaning but freed of a selfish look, I found “the other” love of my life, and with him, my wonderful family. My immense gratitude, Mayim, JC! 💜🌹🫂

[@badninjamama7551]

Yes it is possible Malik, I had a moment of awakening almost 3 years ago, I was in my kitchen and fell to my knees, I haven’t experienced anything like it since, all I know is that I now know what love and oneness is, the following 2 months I was like on a cloud and I am constantly engaging with awareness in life… just cannot explain the feeling but just love and compassion for everyone ❤

[@kpire6066]

I feel moved to mention that I found her worksheet about forgiveness online, for free, about 5 years ago. I think it's called the Love thy Neighbour worksheet or something. I was really, really working on a forgiveness lesson that was painful and came across BKs Work. With those steps, I learned to truly *forgive* my brother completely and utter let go of it. It was priceless. Now I can keep forgiving and let go of things that get stuck within my own judgement. Thank you Byron Katie. 🙏☮️💖

[@spiderqueen601]

It’s called the Judge Your Neighbor Worksheet. :) It leads you from judgement to love :)

[@zanetaurbanaviciene1172]

Thank you for sharing. I just printed out the worksheet.

[@karen4349]

@KP IRE how long did it take? The work? Was it very difficult?

[@kpire6066]

@@karen4349 The worksheet and finding forgiveness with my brother? It's likely different for everyone but I really wanted to get past this. I think it was over the course of a weekend. I seem to recall that seeing the situation through his eyes, finding reasons that he might have thought differently about the whole thing, helped me see things differently bit by bit, until a shift occurred. That helped with other forgiveness lessons too. Best wishes to you.

[@thoughtfulpro371]

Byron Katie is an absolute legend. Definitely Eckhart Tolle level. It hurt a little to hear Glennon Doyle and Brene Brown compared to her! Byron Katie paved the way. Her gifts to this world are exponential. Amazing interview! We love you Mayim!!!

[@erin723]

That is a weird takeaway. There is no hierarchy of people who share their personal experiences that enrich the collective thinking and narrative.

[@fugician421]

I thought the same thing! BK and Eckhart are in a class of their own!

[@jasonwilkerson9497]

I agree. I really resonate well with BK, ET, and Adyashanti. Glennon and Brene have been great inspirations, but I sense a lot of ego identification, than the deep, humble, peaceful awakening, presence the 3 aforementioned present. This isn't a competition, but to put it one way, the awakened folks are at a different or advanced stage in their own journey. The other two are producing lots of content in a more academic way. Nothing wrong with that. Byron Katie basically created her own worldview. Think about that. That's pretty amazing.

[@taracat7141]

We all experience and see differently... this was my first exposure to BK, and I could not connect at all, yet ET has guided me for years, and anything he says makes perfect sense in my mind. Its all a sum of our experiences 🧡🙏🧡

[@amandajacobs57]

This episode made me sob, in a good way. Thank you for introducing me to Byron Katie, I feel like she's going to change my life.

[@soultrekotc6635]

Listening without grabbing the space. How good is this!

[@conniemccourt4020]

I loved that comment. I can be like Mayim in that she seems to have trouble ‘holding the space’ for either Jonathan or Katy as she’s so anxious to respond! I didn’t feel there was a satisfactory answer to getting children to be responsible for helping as part of the household/team though! Leaving the cat litter there for days so either she or her older son has to do it because it’s what “she/they” want?! It’s unhygienic & has to be done! Meanwhile the older son has learned that if he doesn’t want to do something to help his mother, it doesn’t matter as someone else will eventually do it! That doesn’t seem to be teaching that son about responsibility to me.

[@brendab19]

I loved that, too. How powerful

[@KaarinaKimdaly]

​@@conniemccourt4020 Good point.

[@lwandie260]

Mayim and Jonathan's inner children playing at the beginning and end of each episode 😅 Y'all are such a mirror to us the audience, thank you both for sharing those vulnerable moments with us.

[@tjkotula]

Mayim: Although I fully understand your justification for parenting, I think the beginning of your guest’s point is simply setting aside your role as a parent during communication breakdown with your children and becoming an active listener with another human being. Remember tabula rasa? Perhaps your son is mimicking what he’s learning from you or the messages you’re sending him by your busy life. “Mom is too busy to hear me.” He’s mimicking the same behavior. “I’m too busy to listen to mom”. You’ve worked hard your entire life to provide for your children, but remember: they won’t and don’t have the same life as you. They won’t have to struggle like you did at their age. As much as they are a part of you, they are not you. Children who experience drastic changes in their lives within their family unit (ie: divorce or death) immediately feel like they have no control over their circumstances. SUMMARY: Your son ignoring your request to do the chores isn’t about his inability or refusal to do the chores. He’s telling you something much more important. His perception of you is pretty basic and what he needs from you is even more basic. He doesn’t view you as a writer, TV Star, producer, game show host, or scientist. He views you as mom. Be brave enough and humble enough to ask both your sons, “What do you need from me as your mom?” How can I be a better mom to you?” You’d be surprised what they might have to say.

[@scallywag6757]

or he could simply be working towards independence.

[@lorriemontgomery9982]

Beautiful! If I was better with words that is what I would have said.

[@GL-of9gi]

Mayim, I appreciate you and the work you do! That said, Byron Katie is an awakened, enlightened Master. She can not be compared to academics like Bene Brown (regular people who have achieved great research, and findings, etc.). Katie is in a whole other very rare and special category of enlightened people. I feel graced to listen to her. Thank you for having her on. ❤

[@a.z.9957]

I think Byron Katies teaching are so deep and profound, that you must shine soo bright to see and truely understand them in the deep water. But beeing able to shine you have to discover, feel and question your own darkness of your mind.

[@brandijones7056]

The universe always takes care of us. I had an episode with my 11 yr old and was looking for tools to better the communication. This is perfect.

[@juliaoverlinmslpccncc1982]

"I saw that when I believed my thoughts I suffered, and when I questioned them, I didn't." - BOOM. Addendum thoughts, being more mindful about how we listen also a profound action we can all take in being better with ea other, and with ourselves. My eyes welled up at the point she spoke of being present in a moment, "who would I be w/out my story?" that the moments we are in, in their rawest form, are things to be grateful for.... and what Life is most about. ❣️ Re the energy expelled in wanting others to do "a thing" and having them not do it, that energy can be better redirected toward self-care and in creating a more positive energy in the environment, an existential arena for the one not doing "the thing" to realize by your example how much easier it is (using the cat poop example) to sleep w/out the scent of s&%t on their bed. It's "internal locus of control by emotional laproscopy" (lol)

[@m_brokenleg]

I’d read BK’s book “Loving What Is” a lot of years ago. More recently “Cuestiona Tu Pensamiento. Cambia El Mundo”. Maybe I must call to “At Home With BK” only to thank her to give me the tools to overcome my mental eshaustion/depression bc the mobbing suffered by a then new & quite envious boss. I left the toxic company, along with some other high employees. Byron’s words “Spare yourself of seeking approval or appreciation. And watch what happens in reality just for fun” somehow saved me & my fellows. It’s one of my mottos since then..Kudos for this episode, Mayim and Jonathan!

[@thesevenminutewriterwithde4280]

I have done The Work for years, and it was a game changer after many decades of sobriety and recovery work. It reshaped everything for me.

[@monicalgarcia1]

Congratulations Jonathan for not just “collecting wisdom” but doing your best to apply!!! 🙌🏼

[@nicolewilliams2468]

Holy cow, this is incredible! I read Loving What Is years ago - Byron Katie is unbelievable! Congrats on 1) getting her on your program & 2) for having such a wonderful interview with her. This is a BUFFET of food for thought….Well done!

[@judysebern2005]

Her book changed my life decades ago.❤️

[@tammyhedge4031]

As the mother of 4 grown men, here's your solution. Walk over, silently remove phone from his hands. Take him by his now empty hands. Walk him to the litter pan. Hand him the tools to do the job and walk away with his phone. Never say a word. Silence. He is tuning everything out. When he's done his chore, and he will, he will return for the phone. That is the time to return it. Again silently, I know this is hard. Wash, rinse, repeat as needed. No trauma to child. No energy explosions inside mama. I'm here if you need me.

[@zoni3gurl641]

All I was thinking about was the only one being punished here is the poor cat.

[@squishysirenita]

Amen!!!!

[@Z-Fan]

Now your advice makes actual sense!! I am going to try it. Thank you 😊

[@stephaniebarrows5428]

I like this, but I’m not certain it would work for every child. You have a framework for parenting that allows for this. Granted, I’m not a parent, but I was often put in an adulting/parenting role when I worked with teens at a lockdown mental health facility with kids. I later taught martial arts and meditation to kids. My methods didn’t always work for other instructors or MHTs, and vice versa.

[@soultrekotc6635]

I love her line, how wonderful life would be without our thoughts. So profound. ❤️

[@patriciamooney928]

My parents could do or say anything and I would not have obeyed. I needed to want to do it myself. Just to let you know there are others who have been in your child's shoes. In my case I was upset about things deep in my heart that made me not care one way or the other. Not saying this is your situation but it's one of the many possibilities. I did not even consciously know what I was doing. Thank you for helping me see this in myself again now.

[@Gary_Reid_Backing_Tracks]

Nothing outside you can ever give you what you're looking for!

[@SuzeeD4358]

Have you asked your son, in what way he wants to participate in the family home care/maintenance/chores? Does your Ex have the same issue with him? Teenagers tipped me over the edge and I can't believe I made it to the other side of those years with two boys and no husband without being imprisoned or committed. I'm still trying to overcome the trauma of those years in my 60's. lol I'm cheering for you!

[@Purple342-x7g]

I love Mayim and Jonathon. I love Byron Katie and the Work. I do not feel like this interview displayed the incredibly profound and positive impact the Work can have. It can be such a teacher. Even Mayim doesn’t believe it. List to Byron Katie’s podcast or her KZbins to learn about the Work. It can bring so much peace to yourself.

[@malcolmsinclair-park5062]

This was an amazing interview, I have been watching Byron Katie for years now and Love Love Love The Work.... she has streamlined into Four Questions and the turnarounds what people spend years in therapy and often still don't get any results. This work is "genius" . I also enjoyed the playfullness and laughter of both Johnathan and Myiam. We all have our "story" and the question is what do we want to hold on to , what in our story truly serves us. After 20 years of self inquiry (and still working on it daily lol) I have 7 years ago decided to create a magazine and now trade shows in Canada to bring Living Well and Living Green to a broader audience. All thanks to people like Byron Katie who inspired me to get to the Truth of who I am. So Thankful...

[@orland0110]

Thank you so much for another excellent episode, Mayim. It is truly wonderful watching this podcast, Mayim!

[@curiouscurageouswilling8368]

I would genuinely love to watch either of you fill out a worksheet and do the work with Byron…if you get a chance to have her back on. It’s been life changing for me.

[@jerrymac1795]

The Work is actually not about putting judgments aside, it's about paying attention to them by seeing if they're true.

[@l.w.4701]

Ooh - Jonathan - your comments opened my eyes.

[@stephaniebarrows5428]

As a former member of a Unity congregation, I’ve been to workshops in which the Work was discussed. Although timing and my own readiness are likely a factor, I must say this podcast is the first time I’ve resonated with its approach. I’ve been reading about psychology since I was 12 ( around 8th grade) and later dove into work by Leo Buscaglia and theorists in human development around age 17-18. (I was in high school and then college, at the time, so my teachers deserve credit for this.) Mayim and Jonathan, thank you for interviewing Ms. Katie on your podcast and for being honest and forthright in your self-inquiry. :)

[@lindajordan3291]

Thank you Mayim and Jonathan. We are all just trying to find our way in this life and the hard work that you do has helped me personally. So, thank you...

[@Gramera11]

I LOVE Byron Katie and the Work… I think we all have revelations but don’t necessarily recognize what they are at the time. I kept her questions attached to my computer monitor at work for years and years because, yes, I needed reminders - especially when I was bothered. Who am I without that thought? Usually is much happier and calmer!

[@sumayahyiga7833]

Yeah that’s true

[@ArtHeart88]

Wow… the window and the light and the instant unquestionable knowing… I went through the exact same thing 32 years ago (I was 14). I was even on a mattress on the floor! The message imparted to me was regarding unconditional love and that everything will be okay. I need to look more into Byron Katie, as I’ve never heard or read of someone else with such a similar experience. Grateful for this podcast!

[@LitHouseTieDye]

I think Mayim could use a nice guided trip. Sometimes you can jump start an awakening. It's really great for clearing the baggage of the ego.

[@cEcJr17]

Fascinating! I was not familiar with Byron Katie before watching your interview. Thanks for sharing.

[@emilymclane5965]

Me neither!

[@carlawhite6802]

@@emilymclane5965 oh. you are blessed to have "found her" get ready for an amaazing life!

[@Buddhishgirl]

I love her so much. I remember first time I heard her thinking this is just too much, too hard being that humble. And the second time, I said to myself this is clearly powerful work and I'm sure at some point I'm gonna be ready for it but now I feel like I'm not, so I waited and later on my journey I felt ready to try it and I am just starting but it is incredible 🙂

[@emilymclane5965]

Tuesdays are my favorite day of the week! Ty!

[@NaomiAldort]

The Work is the best tool I have ever found in assisting parents and children/teens world wide. If you want to be free and have children who are truly rooted in themselves - not seeking approval or aiming to appease anyone, this inquiry is the brings such power and peace . I use it in private online sessions with parents and kids world wide, in workshops and classes and share for free in many interviews. Parents and children alike recover and nurture their loving connection in freedom to be authentic.

[@JenniferSmilesNow]

Thank you Jonathan. Your setting of the context is helping me soooo much!

[@cherylannebarillartist7453]

I LOVE Byron Katie!!!!!!! And I’m thrilled that this came across my feed! I am hungry for good conversation. Is this true? Absolutely true…???? Yes!!!

[@GregM-pf8pq]

I do wonder if loss of self-identification is or can be a cerebral event. Much like a CVA or TIA can have its effect on different areas of the brain. But what’s most important here is the wisdom that Byron Katie shares, that is universal and made available to every human being. Loved this interview. Love that Jonathan shared and explored with her, and brought some of his wisdom into the interview too. ❤

[@ambera5448]

All parents should hear this episode. Fantastic way to look at parenting. I took over the cat litter last year and I am happier for it. I need to reread her book. Great interview. Love you guys and I hope you are well. I heard Jonathan call you his "podcast friend" and got worried.

[@erin723]

And how content are you to do yet another household chore that another member of said household could do?

[@AngieF8]

It's much easier to just do it than to think about doing it or who should do it and engage in a power struggle. When we stop wasting so much energy trying to change everything outside of ourselves, other people, life is more effortless. Also often without the nagging and power struggle kids and others often suddenly begin to help, like the negative energy we generate with our shoulds and all the negative thoughts and judgements we were having and believing about them not doing what we want created the barrier to them doing it in the first place. Question or own thoughts, question whether we are right, change our certainty that our beliefs are true and that people should do things differently and our world changes.

[@ahs7322]

I had an awakening 2 years ago and my spiritual growth progresses. It's about everything happens in your mind. Your ego reacts because it doesn't want to lose its control. You have to slow down your thinking and take your thoughts captive. Your thoughts are not always true, Throw out the ones that hurt you and hurt others before expressing them. Trust God (Creator, Source,Spirit) be still for Divine wisdom in how best to respond in love. Fear makes you feel everything has to be in your egos control if it isn't, then anger tries to force your control over others. It takes humility to think differently. This new way of thinking brings peace. Ask yourself do you really want peace or just want control.

[@sandramedina9482]

I love how real you are…Ty mayim

[@7autumn5]

43:42 I truly just felt like Mayim and I are kindred spirits in this explanation of the child who won't just do the task. She says "take the trash out and clean the litter box" and in my house it's put the dishes in the dishwasher (or at least don't leave them in the loft) and feed the lizard!!! Wow I felt such a sisterhood there. LOL I know that's not really the point of the video, but I appreciated that moment none the less.

[@maryshivy2799]

It isn't BIG, it just is, the isness of truth, the isness of now. Don't make it big or small, It is so simple to just be true with yourself.

[@karengregory46]

It took me awhile to understand her BK , but now I do understand. Also M and J , great interview and the end was great

[@toniarden3817]

Many teachers have great awakenings from pain.

[@geraldfrank1630]

As wonderful BK is on video, in person she is like a perfect mirror & shows you exactly how you are such a magical being! 👌🙏👏👏

[@anitaroberts5980]

Loved hearing this conversation. Thank you!

[@alexismiller8978]

Thank you as always Katie showed her quality as just an open honest presence with no identifications so beautiful too behold

[@jungersrules]

Same conclusion the Buddha came to! Nirvana, enlightenment is HERE. We don't reach it, we uncover it. Like Byron Katie famously said, "If you argue against reality, you will suffer." Seeing reality and not your stories, that's key.

[@aresmars2003]

I love BK! Even if I'm not very good at her process. It feels EXCELLENT in stepping back from your own shit, but then you're still stuck with reality, what to do!

[@aresmars2003]

For instance, if you find yourself unjustly convicted of a crime, and with a 10 year sentence, you can feel HONEST resentment and self-pity and desire for revenge for the people who lied, the people in power who refused to hear your truth. So you can know TRUE THINGS that are wrong, but you're powerless to change. And that can leave you in resentment and you might get health issues because of that. SO you can try an imaginary truth "There's something in this experience that I need to learn" and you might accept your fate, and use each day in captivity as a GIFT, and the little freedoms you have are felt with more gratitude. So an exaggerated story of a terrible situation that can be remapped IF you are powerless, but others are more subtle and maybe no right answer.

[@tjkotula]

Knowing the truth and living in an imperfect world filled with many injustices often collide. At the end of the day, your solace and peace of mind is found in the truth you know about yourself. If you know the truth, that’s all that matters. Many people live lies their entire life and never know their true identity. If you have truth on your side, NO ONE can take that away from you. Repeat after me: “It is well with my soul”

[@hayleyw2675]

Oh Mayim you and your big, beautiful, literal brain which I’m in love with. I was in stitches for the last 4mins “I’m always right when I’m alone” 😂. Love your work ✌🏼

[@nataliewilcox9511]

I just wanted to take this time to say thank you so much for starting and continuing this podcast. I am an actor (not very ‘industry’) and I also work with people with learning disabilities and differences. I constantly want to work to improve my mental (and physical) health to enable me to do what I am best at, and these videos are really helping. Listening especially to the episodes with Simon Helberg and Dustin Hoffman has led me to feel such a lot less lonely than I have been feeling recently. I moved to an area in order to do a degree in French some years back, as a mature student, where I didn’t know any other actors. And I have only recently begun meeting up with old friends again, as well as meeting new ones, all very different and wonderful in their own ways. And it feels like being with friends each week as I listen to you, usually while walking and taking in the evening air. Dustin Hoffman completely nailed it when he said that by playing other characters he feels most able to be himself. (Not a direct quote I know!). Equally, watching you with Simon Helberg reminded me of how happy I am around my own likeminded friends. With each episode, I take a way something new, and I am grateful for each one! Last Sunday, I attended a memorial service for my guru Brian Astbury, who was head of acting at my drama school (Mountview Academy of Theatre Arts) when I attended many moons ago. He was different from the crowd, and I still use and share the techniques he taught me today, and they have been the most successful: they seem to help with my acting and with my mental health. I think that Mayim doesn’t tend to read the comments on KZbin, from what I have heard her say on the videos, but to whomever reads this, I would love it if you could pass on my very heartfelt thanks. These videos have been quite literally a Godsend. I’ve honestly wanted to convert to Judaism too 😊, partly also because some years ago, I attended the Actors’ Temple in New York, when I took a course at the Stella Adler School, and I was so welcomed and felt so at home, that I wondered if my heritage may have been Jewish. (I never met or knew anything concrete about my maternal grandparents). We thought we were Irish, but who knows! I am still searching for my identity a little which leads me often to look into ways of protecting my mental health, and possibly what makes me interested in acting, as this makes me feel like I have an identity. I feel very happy the more I learn from Mayim about Judaism, and I love hearing little bits of Yiddish too. This is such a long comment to make, and I’ve been wanting to write since listening to the Dustin Hoffman episode. I enjoyed this one too, but I think I am finding myself resisting a bit…. Do I pick up my husband’s clothes, or wait for him to do it, or ask him… again? 😊 She is pretty ace! And it has been helpful to try and assess who I am without the ‘story of me’, as it takes away the pressure….. I guess you just have to be brave enough to let it go. Thank you again for these podcasts. Sometimes I feel so sad, when you talk about the joys of having children, because I have none. And it is something I have wanted, but couldn’t have with my husband. And actually, although I still grieve that loss, I also wanted to say thank you for being so honest about the difficulties of family life, because that goes some way to mending me a little. You don’t know me at all, but if you ever wanted me to take your kids to a lovely park (where adults get to play on the apparatus too, which is very cool), come and find me if you all come to the UK, and I’ll take you to this beautiful spot near to where we live where there are lakes and this fantastic playground thingy, inclusive for all ages. 😊 I was quite young when Blossom came out, but I do remember that I LOVED it. I remember especially the opening credits, and I remember feeling like there was someone like me on the screen … particularly great to see in an American show…. And I loved it! Sending you love and light, to Mayim, Jonathan, your team and all your guests. Natalie Wilcox (Sometimes also Natalie Penn)

[@zeeq7331]

I am already crying 10 minutes into this interview.

[@carolanndriscol6316]

I don’t think that Byron’s “awakening” was rare. A similar thing occurred to Werner Erhard, Eckhart Tolle, Neale Donald Walsh, Dr.Joe Dispenza and many more who had a”quantum leap” or paradigm change due to profound life experience and had a sudden clarity and knowing. I’ve had many ‘softer’ ahas and my thinking and behavior has been changed for the better and different throughout my life. ALL IS WELL. Blessings to ALL🙏🏼♥️🌏🌺

[@MathewRainTranslife101]

She just puts it into a neat package that is accessible to everyone. It's nice to have a step by step approach.

[@mariacohen5179]

Love your honesty, energy Mayim- great topic I have book, yet to read but have listen to her many places. Now will post it the 4 questions around my home to remind me- stay in the moment, listen, is this true… 🥰

[@sharonallen2020]

Mayim, you and Jonathan have really good questions in this video about applying this in specific situations. It sounds like the idea is to remove the narrative that goes with your expectations, so that when you think someone isn't listening, there isn't then this chain reaction in your mind that leads to hurt and frustration on the inside expressed outwardly. Another message that I heard is that when someone isn't following our instructions, that it may be time to stop and ask questions and really hear what is happening in the other person's mind that's keeping them from responding helpfully. The way we approach each other (our families, especially) has come up in other interviews, and has been so helpful! Thank you for this work you are doing!

[@corrinaamato8805]

Thank you again Mayim.. I havent been able to articulate some ofbthe questions I've had for Byron Katie after readingbher books and watching her online for years but it didnt turn me away from Byron Katies Work, the comments here and your own inquiry lead me to look into what Katie talks about even deeper and actually allowed me to have a better understanding like someone mentioned in the comments aboutbthe helping an animal... everything can be turned around to us... like Michael Jackson said "Im talking to the Man in the Mirror" , " "I'm asking him to make a change" and it sounds so corny but really visualize some of your older relatives, teachers, neighbors who made an impact on you-- did they do that so u would say "See look, look what im doing" or did u just inherently learn from those ppl, not because they were "teaching you a lesson" or wanted you to learn how to "do better" you later learned that's how to take care of others, that's how you show love... not because you were "supposed" to learn a lesson but itbwas in their heart...

[@N-of-One]

Firstly...thank u for this episode!! Just before I found it I was saying that I didnt get the "roach story" & how it connects yadayadayada However... upon closer inspection, I think the point is that YOU need the litter cleaned(or whatever). So she was saying that if it's something YOU need then do it. I was probably in the same place as you with 3 boys of my own. I stopped telling them to clean their room. I cleaned the rest of the house. Once I let go of the expectation that THEY had to do something then I was less frustrated...lo & behold...they all clean their room and sometimes ask for my help...🤯 Maybe pick one day where you both do it together...i guess what she's saying is that the frustration is coming from within & manifesting itself in the behavior of those around u... I think I get her now... thank u Mayim & Jonathan🤣

[@sharisouthard8887]

Thank you for this interview. I love her!!

[@AgoniesAunt]

Jonathan is spot on. Mayim, it's about letting go of ego/control, to the extent needing others to met your expectations. It's exhausting, mainly for you. Have you considered your younger son is "punishing" the adults in his life for not meeting his expectations, as the "happy nuclear family home"... it sounds like he is a mirror of his Mum... He needs more of your time not your words. When he receives that, on a consistent level, he will become more receptive to hearing your request to be part of the family, who help each other in making the home work well. Not to mention the poor cat who has to poo in a dirty litter - how would he feel if he had to continually poo in a toilet that never flushed? His disengagement is anger. Sure, get a cleaner, and spend that extra time in gentle, fun, loving time with your sons. It's a no-brainer. Let go of trying to control "everything"... it's not working, and not making anyone happy. That's the epiphany the BK had. It is available to everyone, including you.

[@robinball5273]

Speechless, somehow, I have been using this not knowing her story. Mayim #AllWillBeWell

[@janinejackson9477]

After having a complete breakdown years later I was able to not live in the past. I live in the moment this has freed me. I am so happy now. BUT I now live on my own. I love it. I am in control if I want to visit I can or If I want to leave I can.

[@trueslimness]

Love this - Byron Katies work is life changing - I am a big fan of both of you - thank you for posting!!

[@Love-om3dc]

Leading by example is extremely impactful

[@mellicentquinn431]

Mind blown. Going thru similar. Thank you for this video. Seriously.

[@vickiesweitzer8625]

Wow. The interaction between Jonathan and Mayim at the end of this was quite interesting. My impression - Jonathon gets this, why is Mayim fighting the concepts so hard?

[@annescholten9313]

Everybody gets it in their own time.

[@joannego856]

Resistance comes before Acceptance

[@loveofinquiry8067]

❤ Byron Katie and the work.

[@BeStillLittleTree]

55:49 "She had a dissociative episode". Maybe that's necessary in some cases? Being associated with the stories I was creating in my mind was how I was creating a feeling of "I'm not good enough" after experiencing a trauma and I was having trouble leaving my house or being home alone. There was one morning right after I woke up when I was still kind of asleep. Out of nowhere I noticed that I created this mental image of being able to travel somewhere and then I noticed that I got sad at the that thought because thats not how my life was. It was almost like getting sad at a movie I was watching. I WAS CREATING THE THOUGHT, THEN COMPARING MYSELF TO THE THOUGHT, AND THEN GENERATING SADNESS ABOUT THE COMPARISON.😂 It all happened in a flash but that dissociation from being entangled and totally associated with my own mental constructions is what allowed me to see how I was generating my own sadness. I noticed how ridiculous that was and I havent really done it since. And if it does pop up, I play hot potato with it and immediately let it go. Thank you for this great interview and for all the hardwork y'all do to bring us life changing information. You are appreciated ❤

[@pattiwilliams6765]

Yes, Mayim, I think it does happen every day. Perhaps not to the extent that it did with Byron Katie, but it seems that these types of revelation, or epiphany are happening on a regular basis, if I can extrapolate from the conversations that I am hearing from people willing to do the personal work. (Mine have not been so grand, but, it’s a work in progress.) I was delighted to see your interview with Byron Katie, I do try to apply her principles, not always successfully, but it does help to question ourselves about our thoughts…funnily enough, the latest challenge has been all about “socks and telephones”…

[@zoni3gurl641]

Patti I also think this happens more than we realize. Not to compare her to Byron Katie but Oprah used to call them "AH HA" moments. I was a little disappointed in the way Mayim ended this podcast. Perhaps it was just a bad day for her but HELLO this is Bryon Katie, please don't doubt her story.

[@ingridstepanski1838]

I listened on spotify and I really enjoyed it. I could really identify with the kitty litter story. I was a single mom for seven years and then in a blended (kind of big) family. In our house were three girls. They did not do chores easily without. My husband and I both worked super hard and always seemed to be tired. This is a side bar, but in the evenings we really enjoyed The Big Bang Theory. It was a big part of our relaxation time because of the actors, type of dry humor of the writing, and just everything. So, I am sorry that people say they didn't actually watch it (I am going back to the Simon Helberg episode). Back to this episode, my kid is now 28, she didn't do her chore unless forced, and now she is a working adult and her house is pretty clean. I think she did learn by example in the end, but I never would have thought it. One little thing I did learn was what motivated her. Wanted a reside to go somewhere, I would say sure, one your room is clean or whatever I wanted done. I would sit down with my feet up and really enjoy that time of relaxation while I patiently waited for her to finish.

[@prmft94123]

A couple of things that worked for me: re chores: pay them. You work and get paid, they can work and get paid. No free allowance. For “common area chores.” My daughters were responsible for their own rooms, and if they leave their socks on the floor in their rooms, they’ll stay there until they pick them up or reach their tolerance for mess. If I don’t like it, I’ll simply close the door and if it gets too bad, let them know I’m going to call the health dept. and hose the room down. During adolescence I gave them more responsibility. Instead of telling them when they had to be home, I had them determine their own curfew. The agreement was if they were to be late they had to call and I made it very clear that it was so that I didn’t have to worry, not because I was trying to control them.. if the agreement was broken, the privilege was taken away, temporarily until they could show that they would follow through and do what they said they were going to do. When children are defiant, it’s not such a bad thing. Human development is a process of individuation, and from the time the child learns to say no he or she is becoming his or her own person and the way he or she does that is by what he or she likes and doesn’t like and making his or her own decisions.

[@Hoodooandspices]

Mayim you should be asking more questions about why your son is addicted to his phone, what emotions are he running from? Phone addiction is a symptom of a larger problem

[@Nancy-yw1rr]

I have never heard Byron speak before. I found her somewhat confusing and her thoughts struck me as disjointed. Glad others find her helpful.

[@snoozyq9576]

Oh my gosh you got Byron Katie on here aaghhh I love both of you so much! I'm still trying to learn to love what is though.

[@Kate-kt6qv]

I love your interviews, and your guests. However, I'd also love to see some that I now follow the work of, such as Gabor Mate, Peter Levine, Lissa Rankin...and so many more. I'm at a similar age and stage as you, with health things I'm working on improving. These people have really helped me to shift a lot. All the best. x

[@elled10024]

This conversation is a gem. Thank you for sharing.

[@janesu9813]

Thank you so much for sharing! I loved,enjoyed

[@jenninemclaughlin3522]

I love you guys, and your vulnerability. Very engaging show me Lovely guest. Thankyou

[@Barbara-jn5uv]

If you deal with someone who chooses to under function, your choices are to over function or accept things with no expectations of the outcome. In Nar-Anon they call it detach with love.

[@Ruxandra-mr3sp]

Wow I’m impressed youI found her . Amazing work her work

[@kristinadkins6780]

The Work is not instant...it is a practice...if you want to stop your pain and suffering..dive into the work...

[@PaulaDTozer]

Love BK! Love your honesty, folks. Love the lil Canadian flag on the desk (bottom of the screen). 😁

[@karenburch1397]

❤ This! Thank you guys.

[@youbelieveddemocrats568]

I use credit cards the Monday of the week I get paid then pay in full on payday. And my credit report skyrocketing. Key thing is to not spend more the your pay check or not even half your paycheck that way you are not cought in a bad cycle.

[@youjinkim9132]

Sigh.. feel you. Boy(s) not being helpful in house chore... it's very similar to the conversations I have with my family, too. It seems society has historically taught us that chores are "women' jobs" and many boys grow up without knowing that he not doing his part put extra burdens on someone's life... which frustrates women, particulary those who are expected to work, too, and exausted. Even when mom is not working, making her do everything as if she's a sevant is wrong. I just wanted to tell you that it is not just you who felt helpless and angry in that situation!

[@suzanteman6376]

Daughters aren’t necessarily different than the sons. My experience with my son and daughter. So I don’t believe it’s a gender thing.

[@elfin1358]

So many issues with kids because they get a phone before they have any self control and it's highly addictive. No phone for my kid until 16, then they can have a flip phone or if they need it younger, flip phone only.