20 Bedroom Red Flags (Sexual Red Flags to Watch Out For) | Sex and Relationship Coach | Caitlin V

Timestamps below - We've all heard of those relationship "red flags"... Those sneaky indications that maybe someone's not a great fit for you and maybe you shouldn't keep seeing them. But no one talks about the red flags that might not show up until... you take off all your clothes. Look -- maybe they made a great first impression over a romantic tray of taco truck empanadas, but as soon as the panties drop, so does your assuredness that this was a good idea.Which is why, in today's video, I compiled a list of the top 20 red flags to look out for once you get in bed with someone. 🆓FREE GUIDE - Three Techniques to Drive Her Wild TONIGHT 🆓
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Timestamps:
3:31 (1) They can't talk about sex
4:11 (2) They won't use protection/practice safe sex
4:25 (3) They pressure you to do things you don't want to do
4:40 (4) They don't respect your boundaries
5:01 (5) They air your dirty laundry
5:18 (6) They shame you
5:50 (7) They're obsessed with your past
6:26 (8) They compare you to their ex
6:45 (9) They use sex as a weapon (see this: • Can Men be Manipulated... )
7:18 (10) They violate your trust or your consent
7:37 (11) They expect to receive pleasure but not to give
7:46 (12) They expect to give but not to receive
8:09 (13) They don't care about your pleasure or your orgasm
8:29 (14) They won't take feedback
8:43 (15) They're uncomfortable about bodies
9:22 (16) They're overly focused on one kind of sex
9:59 (17) They're not present with you
10:20 (18) They avoid eye contact
10:56 (19) They blame you/don't take responsibility
11:29 (20) They demean you (non-consensually)
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#CaitlinV

[@shimeih2287]

It's always sad to see that this channel is demonetized. She's out here answering important questions and helping many many relationships out there. I haven't seen ads here for a loooong time.

[@louispeters2105]

What questions do you deem important? And how would you know if toy currently learning

[@jhanezmile23]

@shimeih yes, I hope KZbin will be more lenient when it comes to qualifying for adsense.

[@kretingasiaule6864]

@@louispeters2105 all of the raised topics are very.very important. Its what most of the people are concerned/thinking about but are shy to talk. Its amazing we have people comfortable and confident enough to talk about sexual relations. If its nor for you - skip this content creator and move to what is important for you.

[@Ryan_Dye-r]

If a video doesn't have adds that means the channel is not monitized?

[@stevemowat4294]

Awesome. As a male, I believe it highly necessary and rewarding to engage with a woman's mind first. Setting the mood in other words. And creating anticipation

[@stargirlzx]

When she asks IS IT IN YET ? and you were just about to ask WAS IT GOOD FOR YOU TOO?

[@otbot8925]

ouch

[@SuperPlopkoek]

When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, All the red flags just look like flags

[@practicerighteouswayspeopl8611]

Something tells me that she's a Tweety Bird dinosaur when red flags go off

[@madnessbydesign1415]

Well said... :)

[@manfredmelcher7803]

Another great video/post! Keep in mind that some “red flags” may be the result of mental health issues, such as Depression, Anxiety, or Trauma. Trauma, be it interpersonal or sexual, is especially behind some “red flags” in the bedroom. If you experience any flags, in yourself or your partner, it may be a good idea to speak with a mental health professional to assess possible causes and how to work through them. “Red flags” don’t need to be the end of a relationship. They may point us toward healing and growth. Thank you Caitlin for your bringing this issue to our attention; as always, you are insightful and creative in your presentations!

[@CaitlinV]

so true Manfred, thank you!

[@Rockzilla404]

Dead on...

[@Giu_Bag]

In that case, a problem arises if the don't won't to work on it or in genersl do nothing about it

[@donb7113]

Before my wife passed away we had been married 33> years, and it took awhile to sort out what each other’s liked or disliked. We were both virgins when we were married which was great because we had no one to compare our sex life with. After a year or so we had our sex life worked out and it was awesome. She felt free to say no, as did I, but we able to have great sex a majority of our lives together. Above all show respect for your partner.

[@simonmaverick9201]

The big red flag is when your partner calls you by another name.

[@captpeady2176]

This is a good topic for a video, Caitlin explain these fantasies are not a deal breaker and in a way is kind of kinky.

[@mlurtsema]

Unless you are being really kinky and agree to such things. It’s all about communication.

[@shaneharrison4775]

Guilty I was married to my first wife over 24 years she died after 2 1/2 years I remarried to a gal ihad dated as a highschool aged male my issue is after 5 years suddenly I'm a monk no sex no nothing and she takes off and does whatever returns as if nothing is wrong sure i have called her by my late wife's name but it was a minor slip shes deadtheres no issue but she just quit me and goes else ware and how is that something good for me .

[@wilkifrog6]

I was once called Mike. I asked her again “What’s my name?” Again she said Mike (Been dating her for a few months by that time) *smack* then I treated her like a $2 gal from TJ and after we was done I never called her again

[@shaneharrison4775]

Not always I'd been married 24 plus years my first wife was taken by cancer a couple years later I remarried but every once in a while I'd call my new wife by my late wife's name I know it was my mistake but it's not like I'm seeing another woman but I know she didnt like it like when she compares me to her first 2 husband's I've never mistreated her in any way nor have I ever forced her in any measure or any way as her past husbands did or done ,and if shes looking to leave anyway then why go through getting married anyway?

[@albertusmagnus7239]

My ex of 17 years marriage turned out to have about half of this list of red flags, most of which I was not aware of going into the relationship. The big one was your #1 red flag, she never wanted to talk about sex. I would tell her what turns me on, or I would ask her what she likes, and all I got was she wasn't into foreplay and wanted to go straight to intercourse. As we were dating, she was willing to try different things (oral, lingerie) but later on after we were married, those went away. Our last 4 years were basically a sexless marriage, in part because I have run into some physical and emotional problems that ended up giving me ED, and she didn't want to deal with it. My ex would consistently refuse to get intimate. She left me last year, the divorce is almost finalized. I am working to fix the problems, but it is taking time.

[@anthonyjinks89]

Big red flag that I discovered in previous relationship: Bursting out crying during sex. After 3 and a half years it was finally revealed that she was hiding that she was a sexual assault victim when she was a child. Turns out that crying during sex has a high likelihood of unresolved trauma.

[@elleeme9451]

Urgh yeah. I'd say someone crying during sex is not a sign that they're enjoying it.

[@soyELkuko]

Wish I had this list about 20 years ago. Great content.

[@hawkeyelegend2039]

I love the editing of this video!!! Amazing! Yeah my principal red flag would be if she's not open to talk about the intimacy we have

[@CaitlinV]

thank you!!! Jason is the BEST 🥰

[@quor2243]

I was married once, soooo all of these came up at some point, well most. The one that stands out is using sex or oral sex as a reward. This begun far into the relationship. This brings me to another red flag, when a partner stops doing things sexually that they did in the beginning of the relationship. This one bothers me so much that I bring it up soon after sex talk starts when dating. Please, if you don't really like doing it, then don't. Or be honest and say I don't like doing it but will for you once and a while. Doing it to make an impression then later in the relationship it becomes a reward is evil :)

[@MsSimixx]

Sometimes preferences change

[@elleeme9451]

So is letting someone do something once in a while that you know they don't like just because you like it.

[@quor2243]

@@elleeme9451 Why? If you both are aware and willing I don't see an issue. So all those men that get that special birthday whatever are evil because they know their wife don't like it much? Kinda silly in a marriage or long term relationship. A successful marriage or long term relationship is more about compromise then love. I understand that sex is a sensitive subject for some, the slightest hint of what people assume is foul play they are quick to judge. But sexual compromise happens all the time, very normal I would say. So right back around to my OP, if you are having to compromise for something your partner used to do on the regular that is a red flag. Begs the question what else have they been dishonest about.

[@jimmyhonda6272]

Hi from your Canadian fan. That was a great video. Please keep up the great work.

[@brittaborderless5975]

Awesome work as always Caitlin. Going to share this video many times 👍🏻thank you for all your effort.

[@eddievaladez4370]

Good job. Appreciate the time and energy.

[@brahmabullnyc]

Damn, my whole entire dating life was a massive red flag 🚩

[@raylord4809]

Great list! Enjoyed this video very much.

[@seanbarnes683]

Absolute GOLD Ms Catlin

[@wattshumphrey8422]

Good list! The "gives pleasure, but doesn't want (or act to...) receive" is a good one. There is one worth adding, kind of wouldn't know until perhaps too late, but: "stops doing the things that originally attracted and turned you on to them after you are together for awhile".

[@robertbrewster2518]

Number 12 is so so important!!!

[@g.h.7661]

When they are dead silent the entire time

[@TheSmoothLibra]

Excellent job on this video keep up the great work.

[@CaitlinV]

thank you Dave :)

[@JimJepson]

I was really frightened to watch this video, thinking that you were going to agree with my ex-wife, blaming me for everything. Thank you for proving me right on 19 3/4 of these points!!! Thank you! I feel better about myself.

[@louisleo4958]

Your advice is very helpful.they want the lights off .

[@Rockzilla404]

You would make Nina Hartley jealous. Great advice. Thanks for sharing.

[@peterfichna7194]

I'd never think that there are people like that, but this guide proved me wrong! Thanks Caitlin for a great video. Considering it's 20 tips video is very brief :)

[@CaitlinV]

thank you Peter!

[@kalonroy2]

For number 15 I feel like it leaves out those with OCD and Autism. It may not be a mater of maturity, but rather a condition that takes extra time and care as well as more communication with their partners. I've had partners with autism before and some sights/smells/tastes can be quite painful or intolerable for them so you end up finding different and unique ways to be intimate. This also qualifies for number 18, since those on the spectrum don't typically hold eye contact. It doesn't mean that they don't want to be intimate, it's just distressing for them.

[@nydzar]

Absolutely grateful for this absolutely awesome topic Caitlin🌸🧜‍♀️ As far far as I'm concerned, I feel vibes and I know for sure whether or not I'm going to make sexual advances or not based on that. It never fails because it doesn't come out of thin air. It's full of intelligent data that's communicated at both ends both consciously and subconsciously. That's what makes it reliable. We only need to be conscious enough to perceive and interpret them appropriately 👍😜

[@KeyPup1]

You hit things right on the head. I love to hear your responses on all your categories. People won’t take the time to get to know one another. So for myself I am seeking to know someone by being an adult. Discussion is the lead before anything. I agree that relationships are a growing plan for both parties. I can go on with this topic but again thanks for the information.🥰🥰🥰👌👌👌😉😉😉

[@loueynlv1]

Communication IS A MUST!!! Even if it’s someone you’ve only known for an hour👍😉!

[@clarabrarurerr2065]

Amazing channel! :-) thanks a lot

[@philiphebert8680]

Thank you Caitlin V. for caring about others, I know your looking for red flags in the comments, but I want to give you the kudos that you deserve. Your posts makes it easier to talk to partners and gets their side of sexual forfilment. So thank you.

[@nickbrantley3462]

Very good points on all 20

[@drorhen1109]

Good points to look into. Thx

[@davidhudson1042]

I have heard “are you finished “ twice in my life. Yes I was.

[@JimJepson]

My ex-wife Satan said more than once, “Squirt me with your poison and get off of me!”

[@jhanezmile23]

Thanks for this!

[@amgadghaly6218]

great collection thx

[@user-qv3sv5hb6h]

When one person is always the initiator is one of my red flags

[@truenorthaffirmations7049]

Sensible!! Stay up men🔥🤘🔥🤘

[@jayakumarramachandran733]

You are intelligent and great adviser

[@pollolor15]

Great video, could you also make a video about sexual green flags?

[@romanlink7504]

U nailed it...an always on the phone and don't paticipate , do it for other reasons ,use phrases like I don't know or we not committed I don't like that

[@greggy283]

YOU HAVE SUCH DREAMY EYES !

[@ppputalawuea]

Red flag

[@zooasnunch_sith22]

thank so much I learned a lot

[@robertmarwick2247]

Cheers - good skills I have only watched a couple of your videos, love your style and your demeanor makes me feel O.K. Because of this, your picture and the 'banner' are generally enough, after all, there would be no surprises if you know everything ? ;-)

[@valery4444]

Well Covered

[@CaitlinV]

thank you!

[@journeymansmitty8283]

To be honest number 5 6 and 8 I've actually broken up with girls because of this I agree with all 20 red flags but 5 6 and 8 is the truest not really a patient guy but I will be sure to share this video with friends cuz not a lot of my guy friends know this it is always education Miss Caitlin V thank you so much God bless you always🤔🙏💞

[@2B2bsport]

Very goo# coaching!

[@CaitlinV]

thank you Edward!

[@sprescav]

21: If she brings a knife to the bed, you should be aware.

[@eeeo2196]

Can you please make a video about hygiene and body oder? What’s okey and what’s not okey and how to keep a good body hygiene especially genitals area. Thank you 🧡

[@mlurtsema]

You list works for me

[@CaitlinV]

💋MY GUIDE TO LASTING LONGER IN BED💋 secure.caitlinvneal.com/cwyw2020?+bedroom+red+flags+sexual+red+flags+to+watch+out+for

[@needparalegal]

Sorry Caitlin I am broke...

[@needparalegal]

@Pixel Hero Creepy, I assume this will involve tissues...

[@erikhayes1]

#5 is something that 100% of all women do.

[@danieldecker594]

Lol thats punny the ex came before you

[@danieldecker594]

All seariousness tho more ppl need to see tis

[@stoborking]

Can we just appreciate the speach bubble at 4:03

[@jackwadeiv956]

Interesting hair style

[@stephaniehand503]

Thank you

[@garysoutham8746]

Hi Caitlin , loved your video and it was a eye opening experience for me. Thank you so much

[@samjustsam9348]

Maybe it's good that I'm still a Single virgin because I could see myself in a lot of there red flags... Thank you for uploading the video ❤

[@sandman6298]

After 32years of marriage, l love it when the wifey waves the checked flag 🏁.

[@truenorthaffirmations7049]

1st place

[@ashleyoasis7948]

Mine with the white flag lol 😂

[@go4damo]

Yes to this

[@timadams1827]

No lights on during sex. That’s a huge red flag. 😂

[@allenclayton6265]

Unless you have kids and no lock on the door. It is easy to mask what is really going on

[@rw7594]

That's after the bar closes and results in the urge to gnaw your arm off in the morning. Ahem, so I heard about when I was in my 20's. 🙃

[@bassbooster5527]

I dont know if you said this already because i had it playing during my practice session. Mind out of the gutter😑. Red flag number 21 if you are more willing to be open with your partner than they are AFTER having discussed it AND a mutually agreed upon solution for it after months. this is a recipe for feeling alone in the relationship which leads to other things that cause a disruption in the ship outside of common relationship obstacles. Red flag summary- one sided relationship Edit: more red flags Frequent random accusations guilt tripping They make problems out of seemingly nothing. Social needs are misaligned ( one has a problem with the other being more or less social/ having more or less friends) so much so that it dictates how they behave toward you or around their friends in your vicinity Lack of respect for boundaries set in the relationship

[@liambrawnson4743]

Ahhhmazing

[@mattmorava2105]

Won't let you in, open her mind to you or conversely be there if you open your mind to her...

[@Ryan_Dye-r]

Those are all good red flags.

[@robertswisher3485]

Love your tips and it doesn’t hurt that you are gorgeous!

[@azthundercloud]

When she reaches over,grabs a piece of fruit and starts peeling it

[@lks5790]

Please make video on "" KAMA SUTRA""".

[@toreyholden3263]

Eye opener 🤔

[@CivilianAdams]

That top though... distracting 😉 In all seriousness though, thank you for these videos. 🤓

[@Real2k25]

She's right 5 6 definitely

[@micahgmiranda]

7 reminded me of Lil Dicky - ExBoyfriend

[@nigelreid5486]

Caitlin you do so hypnotise me with your fabulous eyes and keep me under your amazing oratory spell until you say the word 'farting' and then I wake up! Joking aside thanks for your sound advice. You are the most gorgeous guru :0)

[@mikelooby8362]

Always flown

[@BillCollins0707]

#9 YES YES YES!!!!

[@BillCollins0707]

15 years in....

[@gdub918]

12:17 And don't forget to ring that bell. lol

[@jaysilverheals4445]

classic information for distant and remote relationships. pretty much sex education for teens and for people hooking up for mutual gratification which is great if its understood what it is you either love them or not and no discussion is required everything else is fake.

[@williamkendig6509]

One-sideded expectations. One partner responsible for the mental lead up to sex throughout the day as well the physical lead up and the physical giving while in the act to have the quality of it judged at the end.

[@ValentinoMariotto]

#14 feedback isn't to be confused with orders

[@swompy5146]

Dated for almost two years. She did say she had a tough childhood, red flag but she was the best, just quiet. Now, after a baby she says she hates men. She can't be in the same bed so sleeps with the baby on the floor. Not allowed to touch her except to rub her feet. I can't clean the house good enough to please her. She is perfect in front of family but i can't have friends over. Family doesn't see it. She has had two episodes of going crazy hitting me. I have suggested counseling but she says no, nothing wrong with her. Im ready to move on but she says no because she needs help paying the bills.

[@racerx5379]

If you stay with her you will go to jail

[@camattox8555]

Public service announcement: Please do not donate blood to get tested for STIs. I say this because there are people who do that and the stock video that is shown when she says get tested appears to be a blood donation center. Thanks.

[@alanstapleton3818]

What about when your partner never gives you any kind of feedback ?

[@guitarjams1008]

The title made me nervous now that its over I'm glad I don't have these problems with my girl

[@jamesclough2638]

I agree

[@BillCollins0707]

#7 yes

[@damniambad]

I'm kind of bad at boundaries especially with new partners. I'm all in for a exited and pleasured reaction and sometimes I end up doing way too much or even stuff not yet agreed on if my partner doesn't show what feels good for her. And that's my red flag. If we can't communicate during sex or I can't tell if she is excited at all about my doings, we should wind it down.

[@juanvaldez4043]

When they start with “let’s just get this over with”, yeah, that gets me in the mood 🙄

[@chazzram830]

Thats a major red flag that means she doesn't like you and wants you in and out quickly..that woman gotta go...

[@juanvaldez4043]

@@chazzram830 I agree, that was my ex a long time ago, my wife of 18yrs is awesome! 😁

[@MsSimixx]

@@chazzram830 Orrrr...she could be tired lol

[@chazzram830]

@@MsSimixx i dont think so..

[@DaBrute]

@@MsSimixx which is another red flag

[@prealpha2]

uncomfortable with bodies. Have you done a vid on being comfortable with your own body? I've always had an issue of how I look physically even when I know I shouldn't have (younger days).

[@jeremesmith9266]

Of course she’s married. All the good ones are

[@BillCollins0707]

#11 is mine working on it

[@BillCollins0707]

She refuses oral so partially her issue...

[@r.c.3372]

What we got here is failure to communicate. Point Of No Return, Dogs of War, Pick Myself Up From, The Middle Of The Road. Good Talk. Later On.

[@truenorthaffirmations7049]

🔥🤘

[@angelinariddle5243]

I’m starting to think that maybe I need to get out of this relationship because my boyfriend does about 15 out 20

[@leonardocbp]

They laugh when you take off your clothes

[@Mauricio.Solorzano]

LMAO...LOL

[@lorentikka234]

You are the best. I would really love to know you

[@oneshoepilot3943]

Good list! Too bad in person dating is over for a while. I guess the getting tested and having all your shots is the new normal

[@mikebaldwin7719]

First comment, First Like

[@genevathomas9418]

Head pushing

[@ernestofraga1436]

Video request!!🙌🏻🎉: do a video about when a girl tells a guys that she wants to use a vibrator in the bedroom, but the guy is unsure or insecure about it. How can men get over this? How to overcome that fear of replacement?

[@BobbyFigliola]

Possibility..... maybe the toys are an enhancement to y’all intimate time.....

[@phoenixrisin2269]

He’s beta.

[@lks5790]

Have u online class???

[@lwscorpians]

I look for celestial energy, the transfer of passionate energy

[@ericzayas980]

Tell your producer "E before I after C" :)

[@phlegios]

#5... isn't that what most if not all girls do when they get together? I smell double staaaaandards!