Should You Be Monogamous? (CNM Explained) | Sex and Relationship Coach | Caitlin V

[@gmicg]

I had a two way non monogamous marriage with my late wife and I will remain grateful to her for this forever.

[@alycemaloney2982]

I never expected to be in a non monogamous relationship because I always wanted to be the only partner in my prospective partner's life, but I ended up meeting somebody who is polyamorous & I had to make a choice as to whether to accept the lifestyle & stay with the person & be one of their lovers & me still be secure in my relationship with the person. I feel that I've really grown in so many ways because of being able to accept the whole situation & believe that someone can truly love more than 1 person. I've come to realize that I can't be everything to this person & that is why they get love in other ways thru other people. It has helped me embrace finding other people to be able to love also & not feel like I am cheating.

[@ajchavez3461]

I agree I am happily married I love my wife but I believe we can be in love with other people in different ways like soulmates, twin flames etc...

[@TacoTeaser]

My wife and I have enjoyed the lifestyle for ten years now. The most wonderful thing about it is that the word "jealous" has completely disappeared. The freedom to celebrate friendship with others is outstanding.

[@petergbrics7260]

I find that strange.If Youd love the other person,I don’t think you would wanna have another.Once you start ducking with somebody else,it ruins the other relationship,or she is with you for your money.If she wants to fuck another person,why would she want to stay with you for?She would just move on

[@petergbrics7260]

Specially for women.if they wanna fuck other guys,then you no longer needed buddy.

[@theprousteffect9717]

Well, it's great your arrangement is working for you.! Although I feel the need to point out that your experience is your own and people should know that jealousy doesn't disappear in all non-monogamous relationships. Some jealousy is completely natural, and for many non-monogamous couples, it's a matter of managing their jealousy.

[@donalddrake7133]

Not with someone I actually love. I can't imagine giving a high five to my wife ir girl as she's on her way to get banged by some dude. He may do it for convenience and his own selfishness but besides that, it's not a real thing. When he/she finds someone he enjoys better than his wife or girlfriend then it'll be time to upgrade. There is Value in commitment and if your relationship is in that great a position , why do you want others? You won't.

[@donalddrake7133]

It's hard enough dealing with one woman. If I wanted a second Unless it was strictly just for Selfish sex, which would be great. To have to juggle and schedule and figure out and all that is just too much drama. We don't do everything our DNA can allow for.

[@MrApostleLee]

I have been in a non monogamous relationship for the past forty years and still going strong.

[@expressivelyamber7137]

I'm a self professed monogamist. I like to watch, read and hear different perspectives so I have other perspectives to weigh my current perspectives against. So I appreciate your video.

[@TW-CreativeStudioGuy]

My wife and I have been practicing consensual non-monogamy for about five years now. Your videos have helped us enormously with our communication. Recently I got enough courage to tell my wife about my overwhelming cuckold desires. It turns out, that she knew all along and is excited about the possibilities! Thank you so much for helping us better communicate our needs to each other without shame.

[@jeremiahbok9028]

Thank you for coming out, this was very fun and you covered the topic well. People need to be more comfortable with people who want this. Religious or morally conservative people seem especially cold to women who want it. Hell, a lot of people still aren't totally comfortable with a girl just asking out a guy. I honestly think if the stigma that went away the number of women who want this might rise exponentially. There are women who, if they gave it a shot, actually like sex with multiple people, or porn, or going with some friends to a male strip club. And a lot of men want the same thing, so... why should we act like this has to be dirty or selfish when it can be a couple giving each other exactly what they want? This topic doesn't have to be uncomfortable. It's a fun thing to discuss and I love how much fun you make these videos.

[@jeffjenkins7976]

Paused the video 1:18 in. I'm just gonna say I fully believe relationships should be closed. That is the one thing you have with somebody that nobody else has. The intimacy between two people, the connection you have with a person no one else has. Going to watch the rest now and I do not judge others for open relationships, it's just something I am totally against.

[@CaitlinV]

I hear you Jeff, each opinion is valid :) thanks for watching!

[@aliastagami2346]

I've been with my partner for 11 years. We began talking about ENM/CNM about 4 years ago. During the pandemic, we have grown closer, and that's given me the confidence to propose doing it and not just talking about it. To help with setting boundaries and feeling securely attached, we are getting a relationship counsellor in the new year who has experience with ENM/CNM relationships.

[@chicagokid8908]

You should bring your partner on for an episode, talk about what its like being married, keeping things spicy. That would be cool. As always your a good coach. Keep it up.

[@jujubonchuchu]

What a great idea

[@user-pf5xq3lq8i]

We want to ask him if she told him within the first few weeks that she wanted to have a women on the side? Or did she string him along till he was addicted to the dopamine hits, before dropping the bombshell news?

[@davidmithen9223]

I have only just begun to talk about this subject with my wife. She has been experiencing menopause for over 7 years and has admitted to me that she feels ok to never have sex again. We haven’t had sex for at least 5 years and I’m not about to force sex on her while she feels this way. I have resisted many opportunities for sex outside of our marriage but I’m nearing the end of my prime and I feel like those opportunities will dwindle over the next 5 years. She is upset with me that I am considering CNM but I can’t keep having solo sex forever. We have lots of intimacy in non sexual ways and our relationship is solid. Thanks for this video, I’ll be ordering some of your book recommendations and will keep trying to move the conversation along. Also, I noticed there is a KZbin series for the ethical slut that is based on the book. Hugs.

[@Atlas65]

Good luck man. I sincerely mean it. There are few that can be in completely sexless relationship. I tried once. It's a totally different situation than yours. It was because of a religious reasons (Didn't know she had those values until a month into it. We dated for few months and in the end I was exploding. After one night down town without her I felt like I wanted to have sex with almost every woman I saw.. So I saw it was never going to work for me. So I completely lost all interest for the relationship. ... So again Good luck. Btw, there is a TED lecture about polyamory here on youtube that might help.

[@kbanghart]

@@Atlas65 omg So whatever religious practice she was into, had brainwashed her into thinking that she should never have sex?? I mean, she wasn't a nun, right? That kind of sexual repression is truly frightening.

[@chrisboyd4433]

Yes, I am fully in favor of CNM. I am a non-practicing non-monogamist. I think this would be a wonderful lifestyle for me, but my life-partner is firmly monogamous. I have chosen to be monogamous for her. Esther Perel: "Sometimes when we are drawn by the gaze of another, it isn't because we want to leave the person we are with, as much as it is because we want to leave the person we have become. What people are often looking for is not another person, but another version of themselves which the don't know how to create, or don't want to create, in the confines of their committed relationship."

[@johnnyblaze9158]

I’m in the same boat. I doubt i can remain monogamous forever. I’m torn between the happiness of someone I love and my desire for sexual variety... I love the work of Esther Perel too, she makes a lot of interesting points.

[@TheLtrain2010]

@@johnnyblaze9158 it’s easy to love and be with just one person. People act like it’s hard to be loyal

[@johnnyblaze9158]

@@TheLtrain2010 It may be easy for some but not for everyone.

[@Karrikua]

@@TheLtrain2010 It is easy when that is who you are. It is difficult to not be true to yourself.

[@Karrikua]

@Joe Barone it seems like you misunderstood. The point of my comment was that it might be easy to be in a monogamous relationship if that is who you are, but hard if you’re not that kind of person. I am in my 30s and I am still looking for people who feel the same way as me about this, it’s hard to find other poly people.

[@shred3005]

20 years with my wife and we agreed to CNM years ago. Both of us feel incredibly safe and loved in our marriage and I have never trusted anybody like her. We’ve both had different playmates (sometimes short term, sometimes long term) we see from time to time but otherwise stay out of the other persons lives and just treat the situation with ultimate respect and never expect or demand anything. It’s just fun time.. it adds spice to our married life at home. But expect rocky roads at times and there’s dangers somebody is going to feel hurt at some time. This is not going to work for many people. Caitlin, what you’ve said he covers pretty much the important things. You’ve nailed it... spot on!

[@maf1077]

Interesting topic... Could I do it? Nah, but I’m not knocking it. Different strokes for different folks.

[@chrisbenny1673]

My partner and I are non-monogamous! Obviously it's not for everyone...but neither is monogamy.

[@limbogt747]

What's the difference??

[@munkeefinkelbeen5395]

Most definitely!

[@kbanghart]

@@limbogt747 difference in what?

[@dwightprice4079]

Interesting conversation. The one question that I have, if you practice consensual non-monogamy, how do you keep from developing an attachment to the other person? As a guy, when I was a teenager, I didn’t have much of a conscience. Sex for me was casual. Then somewhere in my 20’s, I would start having feelings for whoever I connected with. At that point, my activity went down because I was looking for a life partner. I stayed true to my wife, not because I wasn’t tempted, but partly because I didn’t want to hurt her and because I didn’t want to complicate our relationship with introducing a third party. I am glad it works for you, but I wouldn’t have the maturity.

[@Karrikua]

This is exactly why I prefer polyamory. 😊

[@theprousteffect9717]

I've recently been dabbling in non-monogamy for the first time in my life. The key factors for success are finding the right people to be non-monogamous with, maintaining stellar communication, setting healthy boundaries, and everyone having their own lives outside of the relationships. Really, these factors are pretty essential to monogamous relationships as well, but I think they're more emphasized in non-monogamous relationships, and these arrangements will fall apart faster without them. The idea of not relying on one person to meet all or most of your needs makes so much sense to me. Granted monogamous couples don't have to rely solely on each other, but they're usually still restricted in the types of connections they're allowed to have with people outside the relationship. You can care very deeply about your partner, but that one person might not be enough to satisfy all of your emotional, intellectual, and/or sexual needs, and that's totally fine.

[@jcorozco6496]

Very great topic today I enjoyed it I was married for 25 years we got married Young we got married at 23 over the course of a marriage my wife always thought I wanted other women and a way she was kind of right because I was a single male when she met me and yes I was used to having multiple partners I was always safe though until I met her she never got a chance to explore that part of herself and she always wondered what it would be like to be with other men I often told her if that's what you really want to do go ahead and I wouldn't hate you for it but she always felt because the way she was raised that would be cheating I try to ensure that wouldn't be but that thought was always there she passed away 4 years ago I'm 51 now and I really don't know how to restart my life I still find woman attractive and eventually I hopefully get a chance to go back out and explore myself again I just don't know how to do that because a part of me doesn't want to be monogamous anymore I don't see the point of it anymore I don't know how to find a partner that would be into this or find someone that doesn't mind me going around with other people I'm not very sexually frustrated because of the fact that I did explore that part of myself when I was younger and I kind of want to explore that part of myself again but thank you for making this topic it was really good to hear that other people feel the way I do have a great day 😎 and thank you

[@martkbanjoboy8853]

The best couples chan on youtube

[@DanielGunter-mv4un]

Yea my ex wife cheated the whole relationship but covers it up I definitely want honesty in my next relationship

[@SinsearProductions]

I have been watching your channel for about the last year, and I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for putting yourself out there personally and professionally. Thank you for always working to normalize concepts that may be foreign or taboo to members of your audience. Thank you most of all for being such a beautiful person... You are wonderful ♥️

[@ProfWho-ut5he]

I would never expect that I need to think about it. I can't even find one sex-partner, so non-monogamy is a very theoretical concept.

[@DrexisEbon]

It takes work, but I have 5 right now. You just have to know what communities to connect with. Plus there are a lot of kinds of CNM. Basically, monogamy is against human nature and that's why it fails so often. We just haven't evolved past growing attractions to other people and even having that attraction without letting your other partners know about them is cheating. So. Yep. It's better to just to get to know a lot of people and be open and honest with everyone. Whatever you do, be authentic or you'll always be miserable, at least that's what I've found in my personal life.

[@DrexisEbon]

@gursimran arora I found monogamy wasn't comfortable at all for me. I almost always ended up falling in love with other people. We didn't evolve to be monogamous, monogamy is just one possible behavior solution to the issue of loyalty issues and rivalry. Being with someone who is loyal to you emotionally but not physically is just as good of a solution if you do it properly, but it's not for everyone. Some people just prefer one partner and if they can find someone else like that who is absolutely commited to them forever, then monogamy is great, but that wasn't me naturally so it was like fighting against being myself and it seriously changed who I was, how I acted, I got depressed and jeleous and insecure, etc. For me, monogamy ruined my life. So long as no one is harmed, there's litterally nothing wrong with any way of expressing your sexuality. In fact, I often find that the least loyal people I've met are monogamous because a good portion of them are only monogamous because it's societally acceptable. But do you! You have the right to choose how you want to live your life, this is just my two cents.

[@ProfWho-ut5he]

@@DrexisEbon congrats. I wonder how to find circles where it is easier to find people that are open to sex. In my daily life I do not encounter such women. All women I ever approached in the past 20 years were already taken.

[@DrexisEbon]

@@ProfWho-ut5he There are usually community events for swingers, poly people, etc in most major cities. Try looking through facebook groups, meetup, fetlife, and once you know a few local community members, they will probably know more. The kink and BDSM scenes are always full of people who are poly too, but that's not a easy scene to date in if you aren't a BDSMer yourself.

[@marcusaurelius1391]

I feel ya bruv

[@pineaplejuicegg7667]

Guys theres something u clearly didnt understand ...THIS IS NOT FOR CLOSED MINDED PEOPLE...if u are a clse minded persona refrain from leaving comments with no arguments just saying stupidities ... Now for the author of the video: nice topic good video the world needs more open minded people about sexuality and but either way that not for the old generation to realize

[@needparalegal]

LOL, telling me not to leave comments on a video that ISNT your video is very open minded (sarcasm in case you didnt get it)

[@pineaplejuicegg7667]

@@needparalegal yeah but i hate when people try to impose what they believe on others just because they dont like it and even tho other people are fine with it and hate it even more when people does it behind the unnanimosity of the internet

[@needparalegal]

@@pineaplejuicegg7667 And you are blind to your own hypocrisy? Typical.

[@pineaplejuicegg7667]

@@needparalegal explain? Where the hypocrisy?

[@pineaplejuicegg7667]

@@needparalegal do you mean the fact that i tell people not to impose theyre opinion? What i mean was toxic opinion lile many of them have

[@benh9350]

Having an honest and open conversation with your partner about your feelings and needs is always a good thing. Clearly human sexually is a complicated thing as are most things in life and a lot is dependent on the individual but also on the society. However I feel that if people want to be in consensual open relationships, in whatever form that takes for the people involved, than that is fine. If people don't want to do that and have eyes only for one person than that is fine too, but hopefully the relationship is wholly wonderful for both persons. People should try to live their best life, and that can be and does look different for everyone. I guess I'm saying I don't pass any judgment on this issue. Peoples lives rarely conform to social or cultural ideals, that is why they are called ideals, like a super hero is an ideal person and not a real person. I don't think people need to have only one partner in life or only one at a time, but communication is always important and understanding is always needed. I like the variety of examples given here. It always depends on what the people involved are comfortable with and why they are doing what they do, and that is true for almost everything in life.

[@jcochrane4695]

Well said

[@EricB256]

I've got such high requirements for being able to trust a partner getting intimate with me and so little time windows in my calendar that I will be so happy to find one partner who is a good fit. Several is just not likely at all. So once I will have found a new love, risking it for this is just not an option. I've been monogamous before. I know I can do it. However, if she comes up with the idea that she wants CNM, I would be inclined to say: same rights for both of us, and with me that means she must help me to find somebody else that fits my high requirements, too, because that I cannot do that my own. This has got a high chance to be a dealbreaker for CNM for her, so no, this is not bl**dy likely. And I don't mind.

[@revsellers]

I also have very high standards for someone that I would be intimate with, and cannot bring myself to do so with anyone I didn’t know and trust, so, I told my wife that she has to help me find someone for me if she wants a bf, she told her best friend to be with me. WTF? The friend is married and doesn’t want extra ‘attention’.

[@distancejunkiemonkey4491]

It’s not so much what we do when we are apart. But it’s absolutely necessary to be fully engaged with whomever your with at the time your with them, in person

[@Karrikua]

I feel trapped by my partner because I am polyamorous but he isn’t, and I feel it’s more important for me to respect him and not the other way around. This is a difficult thing for most people to understand.

[@sayanwitaroychowdhury126]

Caitlin could you please make a video on Polyamory itself.. Like a fair briefing on this very subject! Please!! 🙏🙏🙂🙂

[@jamesfrankel7827]

I just wanted to say that this video led me to both feel honored and enriched. I'm so glad you gave voice to and explained very clearly some little niggling "details"/foibles of the nature of the nature of this so human experience. By rule 3 I realized that really this video, while focused on CNM, was a template for how people in any, important relationship to themself; could truly work on having the best relationship they could. Not as a destination but an ongoing journey. Brutal honesty, open sincere communication, authenticity, integrity, valuing the other and yourself and being commited to bring "the better you" to create "the best us". What could be better than to bring that facet of physical intimacy, the intimacy not the physical to enrich ALL the aspects of a relationship or relationships.

[@davidduff9871]

How can you commit to a relationship and yet want the freedom to develop their own preferences? By nature a commitment says you are dedicating extra effort to an outcome. “I have your back, bro” is a natural progression in a man’s friendship. It’s a commitment to another guy I don’t think polyamory will come easily to most men.

[@kbanghart]

Easy, it's what two people, or more agree on.

[@toddschlueter6193]

The woman in my life would really like to bring another woman into the mix for both of us. She wants us to find someone who we would both be physically attracted to. For the record, she has never, ever had a 'female' experience before and wants to explore it along with me.

[@alexmason3472]

I have the the exact same situation with my GF! I'm not just sure if this would be an additon or a killer to our relationship...

[@Karrikua]

Yes! I’ve done it and loved it.

[@keithfox2995]

I feel that these relationships are easier for most women to have success in than men.

[@feleciah7872]

Would you be willing to explain why?

[@Damesanglante]

@@feleciah7872 Make a fake average male account on a dating app, then try to approach women and check how many message you get. You'll understand.

[@feleciah7872]

@@Damesanglante Ahh, I understand. Different definitions of success. I thought you were meaning able to handle "sharing" a partner and maintaining the original relationship.

[@HarrisonHm]

factss

[@anthonygimenez3377]

To me its kind of a real walk in the park when i heard "this part is for you".

[@KenSchafer63]

One crucial point for the men out there, before you go down this road, be sure to have an iron-clad legal document that will prevent you from having to raise and be financially responsible for another man's child. Accidental and not-so-accidental pregnancies do happen. Unfortunately, in general, the law doesn't care who the real father is. If you are married to the mother, the legal system will try and probably succeed at making you pay for everything.

[@juliusmoore2522]

Great advice Ken

[@sswcustomsewing4276]

Great advice I agree. The unfortunate part of modern times is that people have to use attorneys in place of common sense.

[@kbanghart]

Fortunately it can't happen with my wife

[@juliusmoore2522]

@@kbanghart same here

[@KenSchafer63]

Even if there is no risk of pregnancy, I would never consent to my wife having sex with other men, but some guys are into that. I try not to judge.

[@RobertSmith-vx2pr]

Got with a girl and basically started the relationship saying we can do anything we want as long as we don't tell each other or catch any STD's. 8 years later and we have never had a single argument due to the lack of jealousy, resentment or possession...would highly recommend looking into the concepts mentioned in this video if you struggle with "normal" relationships.

[@yee-lengmoua3139]

One comment from a video that was debating polyamory vs monogamy was that you can see the difference in the polyamory thoughts and monogamy, the polyamory was based on themselves and what it can do for them, the monogamy thoughts was based on their partner and what their partner meant to them in a relationship. It made me wonder/feel that polyamory was towards that you can fulfill your sexual lusts and monogamy might be more about love and connection and commitment. Now this is just what I felt/saw, I can’t judge polyamory, I have no idea. But idk some say don’t you want to have more than just chicken every night, but there not just chicken to you, there everything and the eternall love you wish to spend with them. But again idk, maybe you can feel that towards multiple people, which feels scattered to me but idk, can’t judge :D.

[@felicitygrace5113]

What video did u watch?

[@aaronbaynard2326]

This video is very true, and one of the best that I have seen. Thank you for making this video.

[@renecv4719]

I knew from the get go that I would never be monogamous. I married a virgin and thought that sooner or later he would like to experience someone else too. So I discussed it with him before we married at 22yrs and we agreed to these rules. Don't Catch anything, Don't tell me about details, leave your finances at home and lastly if your fall in love with someone else tell me and go to them. This worked for over 25yrs until I fell in love with someone else. Instead of causing a major drama, as I thought it would, I ended in a Poly amours relationship. I have 5 children to 2 different men and as the children grew they finally got their head around it. Definitely not for everyone, but right for me. thank-you for putting it out there

[@stanhaff1705]

We have been swinging for 15 years and it has heightened the relationship between us and made our sex and communication so much better

[@peewee3030]

Hell naw

[@onemondaynight]

Yes. I actually have a lot to say about this topic, but not publicly.

[@MarcMERLIN]

@Caitlin V, from your first video, it was pretty clear that you had to be in some kind of ENM/CNM relationship but I could tell you were not sure whether it was a good idea to talk about it publicly. Kudos for doing so, I think it's important to raise awareness and knowledge, thank you.

[@edwardd5035]

Absolutely. Conversations are being had. Baby steps all the way. Sex is a beautiful part of our experience and should not be held as a limitation to mask insecurity.

[@KeyPup1]

Oh I have been waiting on this topic for a while. Just to let you know I could be. But since I am single I find know risk on my end. But if was on the other foot I would not do it unless my partner felt differently. The idea of cheating is the downfall of every relationship, but it is also the maturity level of the individual. This topic Caitilin must be tackled deeper than this video. It is a major discussion piece that will have its conflicts. But truly glad you brought this one up. Keep up the great work my dear. 😉👌

[@kbanghart]

Well, it isn't cheating if it's done correctly.

[@myplaylists8672]

YES! Tho a lot of people can't handle this. 😔

[@stevenfierro3535]

This was a great opportunity for me to think in a new position of this topic because I thought I was a men who would not want this but I'm having several new revolution about it thank you so much

[@stephentuthill4598]

Yes, yes, yes... Thrice yes! I was released when I met a woman who was physically emotional and tactile with other people, and at first I had to work it out; but, after I had time to process it, I realised that CNM was for me. I am not a jealous guy, and can be emotionally and physically close to many women, without shutting them or myself down. Unfortunately, she found it difficult to handle the fact that one of the guys in her life could be someone who CNM worked for, and we no longer talk on a regular basis. However, the experience I had with that wonderful woman helped released me, and, show me that my struggle with Monogamy was not worth fighting... I could, and I would, be someone who practiced CNM.

[@ernestogamez3671]

Sexual sin ruins emotions everyone has turn into porn stars, not being committed to one partner dosent make u grow or leave u happy but more emotionally broken. Marriage gets better if we live in the light. Is best to stay committed to one partner and once it dosent work after some time then split ways and start another committed relationship with one partner. The point is to grow in pleasure, heal, self love, overcome lies & selfish sin and not make emotions worse with sin.

[@cregerbb]

I love that you talk about this so open. It’s hard to find people that are open and honest about these feelings and desires.

[@ShotokanRed]

My wife and I have had an incredibly bumpy road to non-monogamy, and years later there are (admittedly) still lingering feelings of resentment and insecurity. We got through it with love, loyalty, and an incredible commitment to making it work. I can confirm, the BIGGEST problem we had through it all was the biggest problem we've always had: communication. That alone is KEY to getting to where we are today as painlessly as possible. Speaking of which, today we finally have an understanding about each other's needs and what our boundaries are and I can honestly say that I'm happy that we got here and I look forward to our future!

[@GiPa98]

Really interesting one, I'll most certainly check out those books. There are a few hypocrisies in me about this, curious to see if I can solve some of them. Thanks for the content, keep it up!

[@55AmericanDad]

I’m 47 and been married to my Highschool sweetheart for a long time. Almost 30 years. We are monogamous, it’s just what’s right for us. I do however like to hear what you teach and use your tips where I can fit them into (OUR) relationship. Thank you.

[@bradthorson1782]

I don't think I could do it. But for those who can, more power to you! I think you're either wired for CNM or not. As Catlin touched on, I do think those wired for CNF might have the advantage of becoming more emotionally mature well rounded individuals because of the different relation ship dynamics one will deal with day in and day out. I also think it makes you much less judgmental of others. This is not to knock monogamy and one could argue it takes a different emotional skill set to maintain such a relationship. Open and frequent honest communication in both types of relationships is key, I'd say. This was such a great video. I hope as many people as possible watch it and learn from it. Nina Hartley was on Holly Randal Unfiltered recently and she said thinks about 20% of the population are monogamous, 20% not, and about 50% who just aren't sure what they are. Open discussions like the one in this video is great start in finding out which category one falls in. Glad I happened on this. Count me in as a subscriber.

[@jesserichard1975]

❤️ 🙌. Another profound video Caitlin! This does a pretty good job of answering one of my Q&A questions 😁. I am surprised to see so many comments about this being “cheating.” Not sure you could make it any more plain in the video so I will just pile on... in any relationship open communication to keep your integrity and build trust is what matters (this is not cheating). In terms of one’s sexuality and how it relates to Monogamy, it’s a big world out there and there is room for our differences and similarities. Keep an open mind people and be yourself!

[@CaitlinV]

🙌🏼 🙌🏼 🙌🏼

[@DrexisEbon]

I was very lucky to find someone as a primary partner who was accepting and understanding of what I need. They're mono to me (just because she hates everyone) but I'm poly, specifically polyromantic. I fall for people like 24/7. I don't need sex outside of a relationship, but every interaction could be considered sex, foreplay, ect. I couldn't help but be poly and it's changed and improved my life SO much. I feel like I'm free to be myself and there's nothing like being able to be open and honest and not feel like you're having to loe or hide something that you feel and can't stop yourself from feeling.

[@girukwishyaka]

Sleeping around with different partners when you're married or in a relationship is just cheating. This is not how it's meant to be. Don't get married if you're not ready for what it comes with. It's as simple as that.

[@jesserichard1975]

gursimran arora 🤔 not sure about your definition of cheating but Caitlin AND her partner(s) openly discuss their needs and wants, THEN move forward in agreement. This was stated clearly multiple times in the video, maybe watch it again while listening 👂...

[@hommedetowne4253]

It's adultery, not cheating per se. It's cheating if its not mutually consensual, otherwise its basically agreed on and consensual adultery. The phrase cheating means without permission or consent. It is however adultery. Either way it's a bad idea, she's young, most open relationships eventually have serious problems that develop though the years.....

[@jesserichard1975]

@@hommedetowne4253 because most “monogamous” relationships don’t have serious problems over the years? Y’all are missing the point. ANY Relationship takes work and they are definitely not easy but the key is good ol’ honest communication amongst other things.

[@mikekozlowsky6234]

So you’re saying there’s a chance......

[@williamwoods2547]

So, it would seem that hope can spring eternally for all of Caitlin's fans who have a mad crush on her. In this era of political turmoil we can all use a little hope. Thank you Caitlin V.

[@haroldhenderson2824]

Probably not! Knowing there is someone in your life that is there, will be there tomorrow/next year (100% for you) and wants to help raise children is fantastic (for most people). For people before 1870, a woman dying in childbirth or either partner dying of a disease/infection was common. "Until DEATH do you part", was a very real thing!

[@BraveUlysses59]

Thank you for the intelligent conversation.

[@jenniferyurcus5625]

Do you have any recommended resources to find a professional therapist or coach that is pro CNM to work with?

[@saintpauli13]

Hi Jennifer. I recommend searching for sex-positive and kink allied therapists. When therapists say these two things I have found that they almost always have experience with, or are non judgmental of, CNM in all the various forms.

[@jenniferyurcus5625]

@@saintpauli13 thank you!!

[@avestuart]

So what happens when the wife finds partners very easily (as women seem to be able to do) and the man has zero luck? I'm a middle-aged male, I don't meet women so easily these days. I think i'd get resentful if she were getting it and I were not. Or am I looking at this wrongly?

[@DesignDungeon-nn6jn]

Sex isn't the only way to know yourself, 304. Or to free yourself.

[@j.leonardo260]

I started watching this next to my partner and they were like "Hey, that's not the Muppets!"

[@DesignDungeon-nn6jn]

You encourage the breaking of bonds, from pair-bonding to relationships. You are the biggest anti-love hack I've ever come across.

[@violent_bebop9687]

The 60's was all about this experimental , alternative relations. It's generally not for most people to suppress their internal reactions to it. Yes , you can get "used" to it, but in the long term, is right for you?

[@zackspicer3481]

She isn't satisfied with her man. She's already used to dating someone just to realize later that the person she's dating is lacking from an angle, thus why she said that she doesn't just want to F one person for the rest of her life (she's always disappointed or almost... Idk) I personally can't deal with the fact that someone else is having his hands all over my SO(significant other) I have this instinct called *jealousy* and I don't think that I can ignore it. I seek emotional affection over what unlike many which is physical affection

[@kbanghart]

It wasn't just the 60s though, it's been like forever I think

[@davidb7683]

I am a 50 year old male and I have been involuntary celibate all my life. The only sex I have had has been paid for. I cannot even get one woman yet I am watching a video talking about having multiple partners!?? I just can not comprehend this. I have never had a sex life, I am so lonely and for some people one partner is not enough?

[@one_punchline7478]

I have been thinking about it for a long time. Been withthe same partner for 8 years and I truly believe I would be okay with CNM. As long as is something she would be happy with, I would like to give it a shot. We are in a good place in a relationship, even trying to have a baby and getting married in a year, but I have felt like we could do more and be more open to certain life experiences that we've never tried

[@kbanghart]

Me too, my wife and I have been married for over 22 years

[@JackSnake]

Yes, I personaly think this is beautiful, and I completely agree with you Caitlin

[@bd1630]

Most people too jealous and insecure for this, hence the divorce rate.

[@gastilt]

*hence

[@bd1630]

Random Game Simulator thanks grammar Nazi

[@greggy283]

VERY TRUE WORDS !

[@VanxHelsing03]

Damn you make it sound like monogamus people are shit people in general hahaha

[@Jrob570]

That was the most idiotic comment I’ve read and i award you zero points.

[@MikeB-lm6yw]

Such a great video! Thank you, Caitlin!

[@Markeveli237]

personally i am not a monogamous person. but i don't think alot of people in society have the emotional intelligence to deal with that kind of relationship. thats why i choosed to be monogamous cuz i believe when u love someone u should be ready to give them a really special place in your life. though i have not met anyone who appreciates me making them that special person i am happy i get to make that choice. No, non monogamy is not for me

[@matthewandrews3883]

Yes... we've thought about it.

[@cyonide42000]

nonmonogamy brought us so much closer and stronger

[@travisbooker5195]

I think our relationship is strong enough and I would consider it

[@DavidPaxton-tj1wt]

I have always considered the CNM lifestyle since collage days when I researched "group marriage" for a Psych 2 class class. Since then I have been open minded about the possibility,

[@danreddits3796]

I like learning about different types of relationships and based on what I've learned I can definitely say consensual non-monogamy isn't for me. But hey, whatever floats your boat, yeah?

[@karlpalmer99]

I've heard that Greeks used to "allow" a 3rd party without regret, if the 3rd one was more handsome than the "steady or legal" one

[@needparalegal]

Just like today then?

[@karlpalmer99]

@@needparalegal I think i made a mistake and didn't reply to you. Here's my answer. Since human normally stare at beauty, it's easy to fall into an affair

[@needparalegal]

@@karlpalmer99 I have certainly been rendered helpless by beauty so I understand your point.

[@karlpalmer99]

@@needparalegal Yes me too. And I've also been rendered by people with great attitude

[@brianwenzel8791]

I just loved how you explained what I could not express. You are helping so many people find themselves in so many ways. I am very impressed with your knowledge of any given sexual topic you discuss. You have personally helped me out with my relationship from listening to you. I very much appreciate what you do, and how I can learn from it. You are a beautiful person, who needs more recognition for what you do. I love you, and your guidance. Its spiritual. Please, keep up the good work. Just saying.

[@needparalegal]

I wish I could be monogamous, but I am poor. I have to borrow other men's women. I cannot afford a wife of my own. They eventually develop a guilt complex and stop sleeping with me, until they are sexually frustrated enough to overcome their guilt.

[@needparalegal]

@gursimran arora Like I said. I would choose to have a wife of my own if I had the money to support one.

[@FrederickFahrenheit]

Real talk!

[@spiderjerusalem5199]

This is a non starter for me, I’m married to a woman who wouldn’t want this and if she was to leave me, I wouldn’t be able to attract another partner anyway. So I need to hold onto her and be grateful that there is 1 woman will have me. Billions of others won’t.

[@spiderjerusalem5199]

John Rencheck I’m seeing a therapist again, hopefully I can get some answers this time. Thanks for your concern.

[@kbanghart]

Interesting, my wife and I have been together for almost 27 years and we might start inviting another man into our bed. But we have been together so long and love each other very much, so if she were to leave me I wouldn't hate her and vice versa.

[@spiderjerusalem5199]

@@kbanghart I wouldn’t hate her for leaving. I would just be lonely.

[@donsmith8882]

yeah, no. talked about it and her response was colorful and clear - no.

[@kbanghart]

Mine was at first but our relationship is starting to change now and it's very exciting

[@Aircraftsystemst]

The problem with this is it's hard to find young women who want this!! They all want marriage and full time relationships.

[@kbanghart]

Fortunately, I found out that my wife is open to some of this. Which is very exciting for both of us, and the lucky guys who get to screw her.

[@jaysilverheals4445]

it just so happens I will comment. all relationships start out as sharing. There is a several month overlap in which both know they are sharing. Nobody such as using a dating service will hook up with someone as if they then are going to drop out everyone else in their life. I never have nor will "dump anyone". if using dating services for urgent need it was understood there will be an overlap of sharing.

[@jaysilverheals4445]

the most preposterous thing was to place an ad in which girls thought they were "checking into prison' from their girlfriends. I always posted and said girls are better kissers, better friends, better dancers more intimate smell and look better. it freed me up. worst sign of trouble on this planet? is girl with no real girlfriends

[@KenSchafer63]

I would never be okay with my partner having sex with other men. If she even brought it up, I would probably seriously consider divorce because I would never feel that I could trust her after that. If we go our separate ways, then she can do what she wants, I don't have to deal with it, and we can both have a chance to be happy.

[@kbanghart]

That's 💯 valid. My wife and I both used to be totally monogamous thinking. What changed it for us is honest communication over a long period of time, like years. Just telling someone out of the blue that you want to do this usually isn't going to work.

[@brettbeyer73]

Yes, I'm looking into it right now. I'm researching and dating a polyamorous girl who is walking me through it.

[@rockiecheng3090]

Thank You For Your Perspective And Honesty, This Is A Great Video!!!!

[@rn1731]

Be safe sexy girl.

[@kevinliddicoat9149]

Definitely something I would be interested in.

[@ninjaspam2000]

You did miss two details. Hash out boundaries and honor them, and the partner who is wanting non monogamy should make sure they are enjoying every step of the process as well.

[@CaitlinV]

great points Julian :)

[@justyn513]

somebody's ramming my girl in the dungeon ? lol

[@munkeefinkelbeen5395]

Consensual non-monogamy...with the "right" partner, absolutely. I'm still at a point in my life where I'm not monogamous, but I'm also currently not in a sexual relationship...so, maybe? I guess...?

[@dipendrashekhawat2419]

Great info....Always I was confused regarding this topic. Thanks for sharing.

[@conradofmc_ny6706]

How do you and ur husband manage the fear of the possibility of having sex and possibly falling in love with another partner, and leaving him/her for the other??? U might be going through a crisis. Now you see the love of ur life leaving you for a new meet

[@mikeolly67]

That’s a good question and emphasises exactly why some people don’t understand . Sex and love are not exclusive, love is a deep complicated emotion, sex is basic. Once you realise this, it’s easy to separate the two. Having sex with another person you don’t love but involving the person you do love can form an even deeper bond . To do this, the relationship has to be very strong and trusting. If a couple partner swap and one falls for the “non partner” the relationship wasn’t strong in the first place.

[@kbanghart]

@@mikeolly67 great points. My wife and I are discussing this

[@maryduarte3248]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and information.

[@tfless351]

Was surprised you addressed this subject, jaw dropper! Was not surprised you were non--monogamous, I guess I assumed all those in your professional at least try just about everything. I'm not posting a negative, I think it's great and would like to be in a non-monogamous relationship. Celebrating our 35th anniversary. My wife is very old fashion and I don't think it would fly, so do it via cheating???

[@jamesfoy8389]

That’s my favorite book of all time. My wife and I have been negotiating the last six months about opening up our marriage. She’s a sexual and I’m bisexual, but we grew up in the Mormon church, so we still a lot of negative beliefs about this to work through.

[@kbanghart]

Have either of you found anyone you would explore sexually yet? My wife and I have been talking about this as well.

[@coreyjimpson6932]

CHEATING IS WRONG!! SOMEONE ALWAYS GETS HURT. BREAKING SOMEONE'S HEART IS NEVER GOOD. IT LEADS TO HATRED. ANSWERING YOUR QUESTION....... HELL 👎 NO!!!!!!

[@kbanghart]

This has nothing to do with cheating

[@TyProvosty]

Yes, indeed. I see how our communication will have to deepen in this dynamic. I want to explore this with my partner as a joint effort.

[@benreilly5951]

Think it's a disaster for some. Also maybe it's a "sins of the flesh" thing. No judgement on ppls preference. It's just a no for ME. Trust is a big thing for me and this topic says deception is more of a factor than some would agree with me.

[@stephanweinberger]

Trust is all the more important in a non-monogamous or poly relationship. 'Consensual' is the most important word in CNM. This involves trust in both ways: your partner(s) trusting you to stick to whatever rules you set up together *and* you having trust in your partner(s) that being in a CNM-relationship is really ok for them (i.e. accepting their consent without the slightest doubt). Sometimes the latter turns out to be the even more challenging part, because it involves a third kind of trust: the one in your own judgement of the situation. Doubt is the death of any relationship, regardless of monogamous or non-monogamous. Hence being able to talk about everything and being able to truly accept your partner(s)'s point of view is key anyways. The rest is details that grown-up, consenting people can figure out and arrange to their preference.

[@benreilly5951]

@@stephanweinberger I'm not disagreeing with you. I have no experience on this type of relationship. My view is obviously coming from a straight relationship or the traditional outlook if you will. But I just think there is more ground for deception than in a conventional relationship. I also think there is more negatives/break ups than positives to how many people successful run a relationship in this way. But I don't have no facts or evidence of this. It's just not for some people like myself.

[@stephanweinberger]

@@benreilly5951 sure, it's not for everybody; and if you are happy the way your relationship works that's of course absolutely fine. I just wanted to make the point that there is actually *less* basis for deception in a non-monogamous relationship. There is of course not *no* ground for deception, simply because we are still talking about an agreement between humans abolut the specifics of the relationship, which can be (and often is) broken. But at least in a CNM relationship one (if not the) major reason for deception - sexual infidelity - is removed from the equation.

[@kbanghart]

@@stephanweinberger it's removed? How so?

[@stephanweinberger]

@@kbanghart because... erm... logic?