Should You Be Monogamous? (CNM Explained) | Sex and Relationship Coach | Caitlin V

Consensual non-monogamy is NOT for everyone. I would not recommend it for all people. In fact, I think monogamy is a beautiful standard for relationships. If that's you, uphold it as well as you can.
But there are some things you might be able to learn from consensual non-monogamous relationships.That's why, in this video, I'm diving into what the heck consensual non-monogamy is
whether or not it makes sense for you,how to enter into it without risking unnecessary pain
how it can help you thrive and grow as a person (and in your relationship!) Because in my experience... whether you're happily monogamous or interested in consensual non-monogamy... expanding your sense of eroticism is the most exciting, and rewarding, highway to personal development. 🏋🏻Apply for 1:1 coaching🏋🏻 www.caitlinvneal.com/coaching...
_______________________________________________________
✅ WATCH THESE VIDEOS NEXT
👀 I tell you the secret thrusting techniques that will drive her WILD - • How Does She Want You ...
👀I teach you how to give a MINDBLOWING pussy massage 😽
• How to give a Yoni Mas...
👀 I show you the trick to get a bigger 🍆 naturally
• Proven ways to increas...
👀The secrets to enjoying 69 💦
• Everyone's favorite nu...
________________________________________________________
⏩Overcome Erectile Dysfunction with HARD AS YOU WANT 🍆
www.caitlinvneal.com/hard-as-... +you+be+monogamous+cnm+explained
🆓FREE GUIDE - Three Techniques to Drive Her Wild TONIGHT 🆓
www.caitlinvneal.com/freeguid...
________________________________________________________
0:00 Introduction
0:20 I AM NOT MONOGAMOUS
0:52 NON MONOGAMY IS NOT FOR EVERYONE
2:43 NON CONSENSUAL NON MONOGAMY
3:45 IT FEELS GOOD
5:50 A. IS CONSENSUAL NON MONOGAMY RIGHT FOR YOU?
10:05 YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS SOLID
10:29 NO DOUBLE STANDARDS
10:48 DO I HAVE THE EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE TO HANDLE THIS
11:24 BE HONEST ABOUT
13:04 WHAT DO YOU WANT?
13:18 RESEARCH
14:08 COMMUNICATE
15:25 USE EXPERTS
15:47 MOVE AT SLOWEST PACE
16:19 TAKE BABY STEPS & CELEBRATE
________________________________________________________
Recommended Products 💦 www.caitlinvneal.com/rec/
🔬Get Tested for STIs, Low Testosterone and More💉
trylgc.com/caitlin 20% off with code Caitlin20
(I received a percentage of each new sale)
#CaitlinV

[@gmicg]

I had a two way non monogamous marriage with my late wife and I will remain grateful to her for this forever.

[@alycemaloney2982]

I never expected to be in a non monogamous relationship because I always wanted to be the only partner in my prospective partner's life, but I ended up meeting somebody who is polyamorous & I had to make a choice as to whether to accept the lifestyle & stay with the person & be one of their lovers & me still be secure in my relationship with the person. I feel that I've really grown in so many ways because of being able to accept the whole situation & believe that someone can truly love more than 1 person. I've come to realize that I can't be everything to this person & that is why they get love in other ways thru other people. It has helped me embrace finding other people to be able to love also & not feel like I am cheating.

[@ajchavez3461]

I agree I am happily married I love my wife but I believe we can be in love with other people in different ways like soulmates, twin flames etc...

[@expressivelyamber7137]

I'm a self professed monogamist. I like to watch, read and hear different perspectives so I have other perspectives to weigh my current perspectives against. So I appreciate your video.

[@TacoTeaser]

My wife and I have enjoyed the lifestyle for ten years now. The most wonderful thing about it is that the word "jealous" has completely disappeared. The freedom to celebrate friendship with others is outstanding.

[@petergbrics7260]

I find that strange.If Youd love the other person,I don’t think you would wanna have another.Once you start ducking with somebody else,it ruins the other relationship,or she is with you for your money.If she wants to fuck another person,why would she want to stay with you for?She would just move on

[@petergbrics7260]

Specially for women.if they wanna fuck other guys,then you no longer needed buddy.

[@theprousteffect9717]

Well, it's great your arrangement is working for you.! Although I feel the need to point out that your experience is your own and people should know that jealousy doesn't disappear in all non-monogamous relationships. Some jealousy is completely natural, and for many non-monogamous couples, it's a matter of managing their jealousy.

[@donalddrake7133]

Not with someone I actually love. I can't imagine giving a high five to my wife ir girl as she's on her way to get banged by some dude. He may do it for convenience and his own selfishness but besides that, it's not a real thing. When he/she finds someone he enjoys better than his wife or girlfriend then it'll be time to upgrade. There is Value in commitment and if your relationship is in that great a position , why do you want others? You won't.

[@donalddrake7133]

It's hard enough dealing with one woman. If I wanted a second Unless it was strictly just for Selfish sex, which would be great. To have to juggle and schedule and figure out and all that is just too much drama. We don't do everything our DNA can allow for.

[@TW-CreativeStudioGuy]

My wife and I have been practicing consensual non-monogamy for about five years now. Your videos have helped us enormously with our communication. Recently I got enough courage to tell my wife about my overwhelming cuckold desires. It turns out, that she knew all along and is excited about the possibilities! Thank you so much for helping us better communicate our needs to each other without shame.

[@MrApostleLee]

I have been in a non monogamous relationship for the past forty years and still going strong.

[@rmc6892]

Thanks Caitlin Glad I found you Very timely session here Divorced 3yrs after 38 years of marriage to HS sweetheart. Don't marry your 1st Love without knowing what you want. I am now non-monogamous Before I couldn't choose because I never thought there were any other acceptable options Old School Gentleman brought up when times were more judgmental Old Dogs CAN learn new tricks!!!

[@jeffjenkins7976]

Paused the video 1:18 in. I'm just gonna say I fully believe relationships should be closed. That is the one thing you have with somebody that nobody else has. The intimacy between two people, the connection you have with a person no one else has. Going to watch the rest now and I do not judge others for open relationships, it's just something I am totally against.

[@CaitlinV]

I hear you Jeff, each opinion is valid :) thanks for watching!

[@kwanitayates5785]

My partner and I have recently become open to the idea of CNM. We're far from making a decision, but I'm thankful for this video!

[@jeremiahbok9028]

Thank you for coming out, this was very fun and you covered the topic well. People need to be more comfortable with people who want this. Religious or morally conservative people seem especially cold to women who want it. Hell, a lot of people still aren't totally comfortable with a girl just asking out a guy. I honestly think if the stigma that went away the number of women who want this might rise exponentially. There are women who, if they gave it a shot, actually like sex with multiple people, or porn, or going with some friends to a male strip club. And a lot of men want the same thing, so... why should we act like this has to be dirty or selfish when it can be a couple giving each other exactly what they want? This topic doesn't have to be uncomfortable. It's a fun thing to discuss and I love how much fun you make these videos.

[@aaronbaynard2326]

This video is very true, and one of the best that I have seen. Thank you for making this video.

[@meh4972]

We just started to have the conversation (I am bi), and we both like your videos, they are very informative. I do not live in ego (anymore), he is working on it, but like you said you can not have enough COMMUNICATION. We are solid, but we are not confidant getting back in “the ocean” since we have not swam with other fish in 15 yrs. 😋. We are attractive (we hear it a lot), but we feel like creeps because we are married.🤓.

[@JohnnyPunish]

Outstanding Video.. a true gift to humanity indeed. Thank you Ms. Caitlin

[@GiPa98]

Really interesting one, I'll most certainly check out those books. There are a few hypocrisies in me about this, curious to see if I can solve some of them. Thanks for the content, keep it up!

[@MikeB-lm6yw]

Such a great video! Thank you, Caitlin!

[@thra-x1855]

the real reason people have a problem with open relationships is the risk of meeting someone 'better' than your current partner. and man, i dont know that they're wrong.

[@kbanghart]

Yes, definitely the risk. But, like in certain situations like mine, I'm less worried about that because of the relationship my wife and I have. for a newlywed couple, I can see that would be a huge worry but I've been with my wife for around 25 years so we're not going to just up and leave each other for anything.

[@thra-x1855]

@@kbanghart i would hope so.

[@kbanghart]

@@thra-x1855 Well I appreciate you saying that in my case, but honestly we all know that people of any age or length of marriage get divorced. It all just depends on the couple.

[@felicitygrace5113]

What if you do want to break up?

[@thra-x1855]

@@felicitygrace5113 well just break up.

[@dipendrashekhawat2419]

Great info....Always I was confused regarding this topic. Thanks for sharing.

[@rockiecheng3090]

Thank You For Your Perspective And Honesty, This Is A Great Video!!!!

[@rufinanelson6643]

Amazing video that needed to be done! Thank you!

[@matthewconley7495]

Great perspectives Caitlin!

[@davidmithen9223]

I have only just begun to talk about this subject with my wife. She has been experiencing menopause for over 7 years and has admitted to me that she feels ok to never have sex again. We haven’t had sex for at least 5 years and I’m not about to force sex on her while she feels this way. I have resisted many opportunities for sex outside of our marriage but I’m nearing the end of my prime and I feel like those opportunities will dwindle over the next 5 years. She is upset with me that I am considering CNM but I can’t keep having solo sex forever. We have lots of intimacy in non sexual ways and our relationship is solid. Thanks for this video, I’ll be ordering some of your book recommendations and will keep trying to move the conversation along. Also, I noticed there is a KZbin series for the ethical slut that is based on the book. Hugs.

[@Atlas65]

Good luck man. I sincerely mean it. There are few that can be in completely sexless relationship. I tried once. It's a totally different situation than yours. It was because of a religious reasons (Didn't know she had those values until a month into it. We dated for few months and in the end I was exploding. After one night down town without her I felt like I wanted to have sex with almost every woman I saw.. So I saw it was never going to work for me. So I completely lost all interest for the relationship. ... So again Good luck. Btw, there is a TED lecture about polyamory here on youtube that might help.

[@kbanghart]

@@Atlas65 omg So whatever religious practice she was into, had brainwashed her into thinking that she should never have sex?? I mean, she wasn't a nun, right? That kind of sexual repression is truly frightening.

[@theylive2749]

I work in estate planning. I’d recommend that folks not try adding people into your marriage. Stay single. The statistics aren’t positive for it swinging.

[@kbanghart]

I like the idea

[@00dfm00]

Can you give an example related directly to estates how consensual non-monogamy in all her various scenarios affect an estate?

[@chicagokid8908]

You should bring your partner on for an episode, talk about what its like being married, keeping things spicy. That would be cool. As always your a good coach. Keep it up.

[@jujubonchuchu]

What a great idea

[@user-pf5xq3lq8i]

We want to ask him if she told him within the first few weeks that she wanted to have a women on the side? Or did she string him along till he was addicted to the dopamine hits, before dropping the bombshell news?

[@BraveUlysses59]

Thank you for the intelligent conversation.

[@KeyPup1]

Oh I have been waiting on this topic for a while. Just to let you know I could be. But since I am single I find know risk on my end. But if was on the other foot I would not do it unless my partner felt differently. The idea of cheating is the downfall of every relationship, but it is also the maturity level of the individual. This topic Caitilin must be tackled deeper than this video. It is a major discussion piece that will have its conflicts. But truly glad you brought this one up. Keep up the great work my dear. 😉👌

[@kbanghart]

Well, it isn't cheating if it's done correctly.

[@maf1077]

Interesting topic... Could I do it? Nah, but I’m not knocking it. Different strokes for different folks.

[@chrisboyd4433]

Yes, I am fully in favor of CNM. I am a non-practicing non-monogamist. I think this would be a wonderful lifestyle for me, but my life-partner is firmly monogamous. I have chosen to be monogamous for her. Esther Perel: "Sometimes when we are drawn by the gaze of another, it isn't because we want to leave the person we are with, as much as it is because we want to leave the person we have become. What people are often looking for is not another person, but another version of themselves which the don't know how to create, or don't want to create, in the confines of their committed relationship."

[@johnnyblaze9158]

I’m in the same boat. I doubt i can remain monogamous forever. I’m torn between the happiness of someone I love and my desire for sexual variety... I love the work of Esther Perel too, she makes a lot of interesting points.

[@TheLtrain2010]

@@johnnyblaze9158 it’s easy to love and be with just one person. People act like it’s hard to be loyal

[@johnnyblaze9158]

@@TheLtrain2010 It may be easy for some but not for everyone.

[@Karrikua]

@@TheLtrain2010 It is easy when that is who you are. It is difficult to not be true to yourself.

[@Karrikua]

@Joe Barone it seems like you misunderstood. The point of my comment was that it might be easy to be in a monogamous relationship if that is who you are, but hard if you’re not that kind of person. I am in my 30s and I am still looking for people who feel the same way as me about this, it’s hard to find other poly people.

[@cyonide42000]

great video it really hit home for me and my wife her bein a sub and me not able to be her dom. but us bein able to find what we need in others its all about bein honest open and fair ty for this

[@maryduarte3248]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and information.

[@aliastagami2346]

I've been with my partner for 11 years. We began talking about ENM/CNM about 4 years ago. During the pandemic, we have grown closer, and that's given me the confidence to propose doing it and not just talking about it. To help with setting boundaries and feeling securely attached, we are getting a relationship counsellor in the new year who has experience with ENM/CNM relationships.

[@jcorozco6496]

Very great topic today I enjoyed it I was married for 25 years we got married Young we got married at 23 over the course of a marriage my wife always thought I wanted other women and a way she was kind of right because I was a single male when she met me and yes I was used to having multiple partners I was always safe though until I met her she never got a chance to explore that part of herself and she always wondered what it would be like to be with other men I often told her if that's what you really want to do go ahead and I wouldn't hate you for it but she always felt because the way she was raised that would be cheating I try to ensure that wouldn't be but that thought was always there she passed away 4 years ago I'm 51 now and I really don't know how to restart my life I still find woman attractive and eventually I hopefully get a chance to go back out and explore myself again I just don't know how to do that because a part of me doesn't want to be monogamous anymore I don't see the point of it anymore I don't know how to find a partner that would be into this or find someone that doesn't mind me going around with other people I'm not very sexually frustrated because of the fact that I did explore that part of myself when I was younger and I kind of want to explore that part of myself again but thank you for making this topic it was really good to hear that other people feel the way I do have a great day 😎 and thank you

[@martkbanjoboy8853]

The best couples chan on youtube

[@richardrodriguez9098]

Awesome video Caitlin!!! I would be welcome to CNM!❤️

[@JackSnake]

Yes, I personaly think this is beautiful, and I completely agree with you Caitlin

[@bradthorson1782]

I don't think I could do it. But for those who can, more power to you! I think you're either wired for CNM or not. As Catlin touched on, I do think those wired for CNF might have the advantage of becoming more emotionally mature well rounded individuals because of the different relation ship dynamics one will deal with day in and day out. I also think it makes you much less judgmental of others. This is not to knock monogamy and one could argue it takes a different emotional skill set to maintain such a relationship. Open and frequent honest communication in both types of relationships is key, I'd say. This was such a great video. I hope as many people as possible watch it and learn from it. Nina Hartley was on Holly Randal Unfiltered recently and she said thinks about 20% of the population are monogamous, 20% not, and about 50% who just aren't sure what they are. Open discussions like the one in this video is great start in finding out which category one falls in. Glad I happened on this. Count me in as a subscriber.

[@SinsearProductions]

I have been watching your channel for about the last year, and I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for putting yourself out there personally and professionally. Thank you for always working to normalize concepts that may be foreign or taboo to members of your audience. Thank you most of all for being such a beautiful person... You are wonderful ♥️

[@benh9350]

Having an honest and open conversation with your partner about your feelings and needs is always a good thing. Clearly human sexually is a complicated thing as are most things in life and a lot is dependent on the individual but also on the society. However I feel that if people want to be in consensual open relationships, in whatever form that takes for the people involved, than that is fine. If people don't want to do that and have eyes only for one person than that is fine too, but hopefully the relationship is wholly wonderful for both persons. People should try to live their best life, and that can be and does look different for everyone. I guess I'm saying I don't pass any judgment on this issue. Peoples lives rarely conform to social or cultural ideals, that is why they are called ideals, like a super hero is an ideal person and not a real person. I don't think people need to have only one partner in life or only one at a time, but communication is always important and understanding is always needed. I like the variety of examples given here. It always depends on what the people involved are comfortable with and why they are doing what they do, and that is true for almost everything in life.

[@jcochrane4695]

Well said

[@theprousteffect9717]

I've recently been dabbling in non-monogamy for the first time in my life. The key factors for success are finding the right people to be non-monogamous with, maintaining stellar communication, setting healthy boundaries, and everyone having their own lives outside of the relationships. Really, these factors are pretty essential to monogamous relationships as well, but I think they're more emphasized in non-monogamous relationships, and these arrangements will fall apart faster without them. The idea of not relying on one person to meet all or most of your needs makes so much sense to me. Granted monogamous couples don't have to rely solely on each other, but they're usually still restricted in the types of connections they're allowed to have with people outside the relationship. You can care very deeply about your partner, but that one person might not be enough to satisfy all of your emotional, intellectual, and/or sexual needs, and that's totally fine.

[@TyProvosty]

Yes, indeed. I see how our communication will have to deepen in this dynamic. I want to explore this with my partner as a joint effort.

[@stevenfierro3535]

This was a great opportunity for me to think in a new position of this topic because I thought I was a men who would not want this but I'm having several new revolution about it thank you so much

[@heshamsharaby2689]

We all love you, caitlin

[@dwightprice4079]

Interesting conversation. The one question that I have, if you practice consensual non-monogamy, how do you keep from developing an attachment to the other person? As a guy, when I was a teenager, I didn’t have much of a conscience. Sex for me was casual. Then somewhere in my 20’s, I would start having feelings for whoever I connected with. At that point, my activity went down because I was looking for a life partner. I stayed true to my wife, not because I wasn’t tempted, but partly because I didn’t want to hurt her and because I didn’t want to complicate our relationship with introducing a third party. I am glad it works for you, but I wouldn’t have the maturity.

[@Karrikua]

This is exactly why I prefer polyamory. 😊

[@kevinliddicoat9149]

Definitely something I would be interested in.

[@cregerbb]

I love that you talk about this so open. It’s hard to find people that are open and honest about these feelings and desires.

[@shred3005]

20 years with my wife and we agreed to CNM years ago. Both of us feel incredibly safe and loved in our marriage and I have never trusted anybody like her. We’ve both had different playmates (sometimes short term, sometimes long term) we see from time to time but otherwise stay out of the other persons lives and just treat the situation with ultimate respect and never expect or demand anything. It’s just fun time.. it adds spice to our married life at home. But expect rocky roads at times and there’s dangers somebody is going to feel hurt at some time. This is not going to work for many people. Caitlin, what you’ve said he covers pretty much the important things. You’ve nailed it... spot on!

[@zeljkopataki2124]

Girl,you are so great!!!

[@bellagrace947]

Outstanding explanations!

[@sayanwitaroychowdhury126]

Caitlin could you please make a video on Polyamory itself.. Like a fair briefing on this very subject! Please!! 🙏🙏🙂🙂

[@tfless351]

Was surprised you addressed this subject, jaw dropper! Was not surprised you were non--monogamous, I guess I assumed all those in your professional at least try just about everything. I'm not posting a negative, I think it's great and would like to be in a non-monogamous relationship. Celebrating our 35th anniversary. My wife is very old fashion and I don't think it would fly, so do it via cheating???

[@NYKensington]

I gave it this video a thumbs up, but I may need to give some other videos a thumbs up, too. That doesn't detract from my love of you and your videos!

[@CaitlinV]

well played, sir

[@davidduff9871]

How can you commit to a relationship and yet want the freedom to develop their own preferences? By nature a commitment says you are dedicating extra effort to an outcome. “I have your back, bro” is a natural progression in a man’s friendship. It’s a commitment to another guy I don’t think polyamory will come easily to most men.

[@kbanghart]

Easy, it's what two people, or more agree on.

[@Karrikua]

Yes! I’ve done it and loved it.

[@distancejunkiemonkey4491]

It’s not so much what we do when we are apart. But it’s absolutely necessary to be fully engaged with whomever your with at the time your with them, in person

[@barefootfloridian35]

Long term married over 20 years. Full swap life style last 5 years best thing we ever did X

[@rwlodarczyk]

CNM works for us. We’re secure in our marriage and love for each other. CNM lets us explore others and other things. And after all, group play is super fun.

[@johnneal5118]

Love your videos! Hope we become more sexually comfortable through knowledge and shared experiences. Much love and appreciation.

[@onemondaynight]

Yes. I actually have a lot to say about this topic, but not publicly.

[@jenniferyurcus5625]

Do you have any recommended resources to find a professional therapist or coach that is pro CNM to work with?

[@saintpauli13]

Hi Jennifer. I recommend searching for sex-positive and kink allied therapists. When therapists say these two things I have found that they almost always have experience with, or are non judgmental of, CNM in all the various forms.

[@jenniferyurcus5625]

@@saintpauli13 thank you!!

[@55AmericanDad]

I’m 47 and been married to my Highschool sweetheart for a long time. Almost 30 years. We are monogamous, it’s just what’s right for us. I do however like to hear what you teach and use your tips where I can fit them into (OUR) relationship. Thank you.

[@RobertSmith-vx2pr]

Got with a girl and basically started the relationship saying we can do anything we want as long as we don't tell each other or catch any STD's. 8 years later and we have never had a single argument due to the lack of jealousy, resentment or possession...would highly recommend looking into the concepts mentioned in this video if you struggle with "normal" relationships.

[@chuckhamilton1101]

Enjoyed your video very much as usual. You are so beautiful I could not share you with anyone else. Love you 💕

[@jesserichard1975]

❤️ 🙌. Another profound video Caitlin! This does a pretty good job of answering one of my Q&A questions 😁. I am surprised to see so many comments about this being “cheating.” Not sure you could make it any more plain in the video so I will just pile on... in any relationship open communication to keep your integrity and build trust is what matters (this is not cheating). In terms of one’s sexuality and how it relates to Monogamy, it’s a big world out there and there is room for our differences and similarities. Keep an open mind people and be yourself!

[@CaitlinV]

🙌🏼 🙌🏼 🙌🏼

[@billshaw7048]

I love your videos... how do i find the one about A B Testing?

[@chrisbenny1673]

My partner and I are non-monogamous! Obviously it's not for everyone...but neither is monogamy.

[@limbogt747]

What's the difference??

[@munkeefinkelbeen5395]

Most definitely!

[@kbanghart]

@@limbogt747 difference in what?

[@one_punchline7478]

I have been thinking about it for a long time. Been withthe same partner for 8 years and I truly believe I would be okay with CNM. As long as is something she would be happy with, I would like to give it a shot. We are in a good place in a relationship, even trying to have a baby and getting married in a year, but I have felt like we could do more and be more open to certain life experiences that we've never tried

[@kbanghart]

Me too, my wife and I have been married for over 22 years

[@violent_bebop9687]

The 60's was all about this experimental , alternative relations. It's generally not for most people to suppress their internal reactions to it. Yes , you can get "used" to it, but in the long term, is right for you?

[@zackspicer3481]

She isn't satisfied with her man. She's already used to dating someone just to realize later that the person she's dating is lacking from an angle, thus why she said that she doesn't just want to F one person for the rest of her life (she's always disappointed or almost... Idk) I personally can't deal with the fact that someone else is having his hands all over my SO(significant other) I have this instinct called *jealousy* and I don't think that I can ignore it. I seek emotional affection over what unlike many which is physical affection

[@kbanghart]

It wasn't just the 60s though, it's been like forever I think

[@williamwoods2547]

So, it would seem that hope can spring eternally for all of Caitlin's fans who have a mad crush on her. In this era of political turmoil we can all use a little hope. Thank you Caitlin V.

[@nigelrandtoul8646]

Thanks for sharing your personal situation, you should be respected for your honesty. Yes, I would try this as a true potential solution to saving our sexless marriage. I will research and discuss obviously and I believe it is a marriage saver in the right circumstances with the right couple.

[@revsellers]

I wouldn’t try it as a marriage saver, get a good counselor and find out your issues. A counselor is about $80-$100 an hour, a divorce attorney is $350-$400 (or more) an hour (EACH). I have been married for 22 years and it was sexless fir the last 5, my wife wanted cmn and at first I thought it would be great for me because I have the higher sex drive - it’s been hell! You might be different, hopefully so, but definitely start with a counselor and find out why it’s been sexless because once you go down this damn road there’s no coming back and you start to feel like you are the second because she still won’t want you except when she doesn’t get a full orgasm from him.

[@stephentuthill4598]

Yes, yes, yes... Thrice yes! I was released when I met a woman who was physically emotional and tactile with other people, and at first I had to work it out; but, after I had time to process it, I realised that CNM was for me. I am not a jealous guy, and can be emotionally and physically close to many women, without shutting them or myself down. Unfortunately, she found it difficult to handle the fact that one of the guys in her life could be someone who CNM worked for, and we no longer talk on a regular basis. However, the experience I had with that wonderful woman helped released me, and, show me that my struggle with Monogamy was not worth fighting... I could, and I would, be someone who practiced CNM.

[@renecv4719]

I knew from the get go that I would never be monogamous. I married a virgin and thought that sooner or later he would like to experience someone else too. So I discussed it with him before we married at 22yrs and we agreed to these rules. Don't Catch anything, Don't tell me about details, leave your finances at home and lastly if your fall in love with someone else tell me and go to them. This worked for over 25yrs until I fell in love with someone else. Instead of causing a major drama, as I thought it would, I ended in a Poly amours relationship. I have 5 children to 2 different men and as the children grew they finally got their head around it. Definitely not for everyone, but right for me. thank-you for putting it out there

[@ericmasyoro5920]

If I'm in a non-monogamous relationship with a woman it means its casual, and she certainly isn't a woman I'm looking to start a family with or build a life with. She is in that non-serious box where the focus is on friendship and taking care of each other needs but I would never allow myself to get overly invested in her.

[@darrenphillips2006]

You’re awesome!

[@keelysoto3388]

Thank you for the video Caitlin, you rock! More advices, experiences, examples or any other relevant content about this would be A-W-E-S-O-M-E! Greetings from Costa Rica 🇨🇷 :)

[@EricB256]

I've got such high requirements for being able to trust a partner getting intimate with me and so little time windows in my calendar that I will be so happy to find one partner who is a good fit. Several is just not likely at all. So once I will have found a new love, risking it for this is just not an option. I've been monogamous before. I know I can do it. However, if she comes up with the idea that she wants CNM, I would be inclined to say: same rights for both of us, and with me that means she must help me to find somebody else that fits my high requirements, too, because that I cannot do that my own. This has got a high chance to be a dealbreaker for CNM for her, so no, this is not bl**dy likely. And I don't mind.

[@revsellers]

I also have very high standards for someone that I would be intimate with, and cannot bring myself to do so with anyone I didn’t know and trust, so, I told my wife that she has to help me find someone for me if she wants a bf, she told her best friend to be with me. WTF? The friend is married and doesn’t want extra ‘attention’.

[@Karrikua]

I feel trapped by my partner because I am polyamorous but he isn’t, and I feel it’s more important for me to respect him and not the other way around. This is a difficult thing for most people to understand.

[@stevbenzo]

Thanks for the advice

[@orionmckay4273]

Amazing video. To answer the question I have actually been towing the waters of CNM for a while even talking with family about it with mixed results of supportive and confused. I unknowingly had a cuckold session with a (Now former) friend with benefits. She used it as a means of "punishing" her boyfriend. In light of that I had been approached by two different couples to act a bull which is flattering. Unfortunately the pandemic has killed most social gatherings. Hopefully I can explore more after things are less chaotic. Out of curiosity have you dealt with clients dealing with imposter syndrome? I have discussions about imposter syndrome and intimacy/relationships (some my own struggles others trying to help others where I can). Would love to hear your thoughts.

[@yee-lengmoua3139]

One comment from a video that was debating polyamory vs monogamy was that you can see the difference in the polyamory thoughts and monogamy, the polyamory was based on themselves and what it can do for them, the monogamy thoughts was based on their partner and what their partner meant to them in a relationship. It made me wonder/feel that polyamory was towards that you can fulfill your sexual lusts and monogamy might be more about love and connection and commitment. Now this is just what I felt/saw, I can’t judge polyamory, I have no idea. But idk some say don’t you want to have more than just chicken every night, but there not just chicken to you, there everything and the eternall love you wish to spend with them. But again idk, maybe you can feel that towards multiple people, which feels scattered to me but idk, can’t judge :D.

[@felicitygrace5113]

What video did u watch?

[@keithfox2995]

I feel that these relationships are easier for most women to have success in than men.

[@feleciah7872]

Would you be willing to explain why?

[@Damesanglante]

@@feleciah7872 Make a fake average male account on a dating app, then try to approach women and check how many message you get. You'll understand.

[@feleciah7872]

@@Damesanglante Ahh, I understand. Different definitions of success. I thought you were meaning able to handle "sharing" a partner and maintaining the original relationship.

[@HarrisonHm]

factss

[@rodneymorris449]

I’m curious about nonmonogamous it was interesting to hear you talk about it

[@KenSchafer63]

One crucial point for the men out there, before you go down this road, be sure to have an iron-clad legal document that will prevent you from having to raise and be financially responsible for another man's child. Accidental and not-so-accidental pregnancies do happen. Unfortunately, in general, the law doesn't care who the real father is. If you are married to the mother, the legal system will try and probably succeed at making you pay for everything.

[@juliusmoore2522]

Great advice Ken

[@sswcustomsewing4276]

Great advice I agree. The unfortunate part of modern times is that people have to use attorneys in place of common sense.

[@kbanghart]

Fortunately it can't happen with my wife

[@juliusmoore2522]

@@kbanghart same here

[@KenSchafer63]

Even if there is no risk of pregnancy, I would never consent to my wife having sex with other men, but some guys are into that. I try not to judge.

[@DavidPaxton-tj1wt]

I have always considered the CNM lifestyle since collage days when I researched "group marriage" for a Psych 2 class class. Since then I have been open minded about the possibility,

[@DrexisEbon]

I was very lucky to find someone as a primary partner who was accepting and understanding of what I need. They're mono to me (just because she hates everyone) but I'm poly, specifically polyromantic. I fall for people like 24/7. I don't need sex outside of a relationship, but every interaction could be considered sex, foreplay, ect. I couldn't help but be poly and it's changed and improved my life SO much. I feel like I'm free to be myself and there's nothing like being able to be open and honest and not feel like you're having to loe or hide something that you feel and can't stop yourself from feeling.

[@santitoelcaballero4895]

I don't see anything wrong with CNM, but I am monogamous. When it comes to sex/making love I have to connect in a way that I want to make my partner feel it in her soul. Going through the motions of sex is kind of boring to me. Now I do like to experiment with new ideas like positions toys role playing etc to keep things exciting between a partner & myself. Hey Caitlin, have you done any videos on role playing? I'm curious to know hour thoughts and also what most women would like about rile role play or not like about role play. You're awesome thank you for everything that you do!!!

[@stevenrobertson4888]

Absolutely, been there done that for over 40 years.

[@pineaplejuicegg7667]

Guys theres something u clearly didnt understand ...THIS IS NOT FOR CLOSED MINDED PEOPLE...if u are a clse minded persona refrain from leaving comments with no arguments just saying stupidities ... Now for the author of the video: nice topic good video the world needs more open minded people about sexuality and but either way that not for the old generation to realize

[@needparalegal]

LOL, telling me not to leave comments on a video that ISNT your video is very open minded (sarcasm in case you didnt get it)

[@pineaplejuicegg7667]

@@needparalegal yeah but i hate when people try to impose what they believe on others just because they dont like it and even tho other people are fine with it and hate it even more when people does it behind the unnanimosity of the internet

[@needparalegal]

@@pineaplejuicegg7667 And you are blind to your own hypocrisy? Typical.

[@pineaplejuicegg7667]

@@needparalegal explain? Where the hypocrisy?

[@pineaplejuicegg7667]

@@needparalegal do you mean the fact that i tell people not to impose theyre opinion? What i mean was toxic opinion lile many of them have

[@robertmpotter6057]

Carlin, I have so many problems, but Self Confidence seems to be a root cause meaning afraid to say what’s I want or need knowing fear of rejection. And retaliation.

[@ProfWho-ut5he]

I would never expect that I need to think about it. I can't even find one sex-partner, so non-monogamy is a very theoretical concept.

[@DrexisEbon]

It takes work, but I have 5 right now. You just have to know what communities to connect with. Plus there are a lot of kinds of CNM. Basically, monogamy is against human nature and that's why it fails so often. We just haven't evolved past growing attractions to other people and even having that attraction without letting your other partners know about them is cheating. So. Yep. It's better to just to get to know a lot of people and be open and honest with everyone. Whatever you do, be authentic or you'll always be miserable, at least that's what I've found in my personal life.

[@DrexisEbon]

@gursimran arora I found monogamy wasn't comfortable at all for me. I almost always ended up falling in love with other people. We didn't evolve to be monogamous, monogamy is just one possible behavior solution to the issue of loyalty issues and rivalry. Being with someone who is loyal to you emotionally but not physically is just as good of a solution if you do it properly, but it's not for everyone. Some people just prefer one partner and if they can find someone else like that who is absolutely commited to them forever, then monogamy is great, but that wasn't me naturally so it was like fighting against being myself and it seriously changed who I was, how I acted, I got depressed and jeleous and insecure, etc. For me, monogamy ruined my life. So long as no one is harmed, there's litterally nothing wrong with any way of expressing your sexuality. In fact, I often find that the least loyal people I've met are monogamous because a good portion of them are only monogamous because it's societally acceptable. But do you! You have the right to choose how you want to live your life, this is just my two cents.

[@ProfWho-ut5he]

@@DrexisEbon congrats. I wonder how to find circles where it is easier to find people that are open to sex. In my daily life I do not encounter such women. All women I ever approached in the past 20 years were already taken.

[@DrexisEbon]

@@ProfWho-ut5he There are usually community events for swingers, poly people, etc in most major cities. Try looking through facebook groups, meetup, fetlife, and once you know a few local community members, they will probably know more. The kink and BDSM scenes are always full of people who are poly too, but that's not a easy scene to date in if you aren't a BDSMer yourself.

[@marcusaurelius1391]

I feel ya bruv

[@nicomeyer3510]

YES ... I think it would work for me, the CNM, will try it and first the way how to?????

[@robinsass935]

Yes very interesting

[@felicitygrace5113]

Could you go into this more please? And also, dont mean to prey on your private life but why did you marry, and what if the other person you engage with is inlove with you or you fall inlove with them?

[@stanhaff1705]

We have been swinging for 15 years and it has heightened the relationship between us and made our sex and communication so much better

[@peewee3030]

Hell naw

[@alexmason3472]

11:28 This is the point where I most struggle with...the cost that my long-term relationship goes downwards for this is a cost to high for me.

[@bpaster69]

I would think to be fair I would most likely be willing to to something in the polyamory category as I want an emotional connection before adding anyone for myself and/or my partner.

[@MasterK9Trainer]

I agree in taking slow steps. I have heard how couple suggest dating other people and either the man is eager and ready get his freak or the wife, having the "female advantages" gets herself instant lovers while the husband has a hard time finding a woman who will meet with him. And even people into swinging or BDSM can be exclusionary of one gender.

[@jamesfrankel7827]

I just wanted to say that this video led me to both feel honored and enriched. I'm so glad you gave voice to and explained very clearly some little niggling "details"/foibles of the nature of the nature of this so human experience. By rule 3 I realized that really this video, while focused on CNM, was a template for how people in any, important relationship to themself; could truly work on having the best relationship they could. Not as a destination but an ongoing journey. Brutal honesty, open sincere communication, authenticity, integrity, valuing the other and yourself and being commited to bring "the better you" to create "the best us". What could be better than to bring that facet of physical intimacy, the intimacy not the physical to enrich ALL the aspects of a relationship or relationships.

[@marcusaurelius1391]

I really see the positives but for me, when I finally have a girlfriend I would want them to be happy, but also scared to lose them. Not only that but also the idea that my partner would be very populair and gets some, but Im just sitting at home drinking some tea reading a book thinking about my partner. Although, like I said, it does seem like a good way to keep things interesting. I do see that if you're together for like 20 years even it is very stagnating

[@kbanghart]

My wife and I have been together for over 20 years and yes, it is fun to change things up.

[@FrederickFahrenheit]

Real talk!

[@travisbooker5195]

I think our relationship is strong enough and I would consider it

[@toddschlueter6193]

The woman in my life would really like to bring another woman into the mix for both of us. She wants us to find someone who we would both be physically attracted to. For the record, she has never, ever had a 'female' experience before and wants to explore it along with me.

[@alexmason3472]

I have the the exact same situation with my GF! I'm not just sure if this would be an additon or a killer to our relationship...

[@DanielGunter-mv4un]

Yea my ex wife cheated the whole relationship but covers it up I definitely want honesty in my next relationship