Call Me By Your Name isn't a love story

[@kartkaesque]

I was 16 when I first watched this film. I loved it so much that i read the book too. It used to be my comfort movie and basically saw myself in Elio. But now that im closer to Oliver's age, i hate the romanticization of their "love" story. That being said, it's a well made film. The directing, cinematography and dialogues. You can tell Luca really enjoyed making it.

[@Snail-f7j]

I also saw this as a cautionary tale, but less so about young love, and more about the inherent power dynamics of a relationship between a teenager and someone so much older. Even though it was made explicit that Armie's character was cautious about damaging Elio, Elio was always going to experience the love and pain more intensely due to his age.

[@thekylemarshall_]

This is the part where Armie Hammer being cast is a slight defect. As written that character is meant to be early to mid-20s. (If I remember correctly in the book he’s 24.) So while there’s still a power imbalance and an age difference it’s far different than someone who seems like they’re in their mid-30s. Regardless Elio feels intensely just like you say. But mistakes this relationship as love when it isn’t.

[@therealemmajade]

I feel like I can't say much about the film itself as I haven't seen it but my reason for that is that I just can't get myself to watch it - I can understand that the story isn't necessarily about the relationship itself but more about how that relationship is a vessel in fostering Elio's self-growth - but I simply can't get over the age gap. Not with the actors perse, but the characters themselves. At the end of the day, I feel like it's mild pedophilia seeing as Elio is 17 and Oliver is 24. A 7 year age gap is fine when two people have both been adults for some time, but the maturity gap between a 17 and 24 year old is so large because you do so much learning and mature so much after you fully enter adulthood and have to start doing things independently, meaning that there's so much potential for abuse of power. Again, haven't seen the movie (or read the book) but I have heard that in one of them Elio is fighting against Oliver eating the peach - it feels to me like an older adult imposing themselves on a child's intimate self-exploration. I know I'd be uncomfortable with it! At the age of 17 I thought I knew a lot about the world, and you know I was to a certain extent quite mature (and I would argue amongst some of the more mature 17 year olds), but in retrospect I can see that I did so much growing and maturing in these past 4 years since leaving home (I left home to go to university at 17, I'm now 21). If 17 year old me told me today that she was going out with a 24 year old, I'd tell her to run the other way. I have 24 year old friends now and they are on completely different wavelengths to 17 year olds - if they were actually romantically interested in people who hadn't yet graduated high school, I probably wouldn't be friends with them anymore. It's an obvious abuse of power and coercion. From my understanding of the story, it could have been executed with the characters being closer in age. If a relationship with a power imbalance is actually necessary to the story, that just stands out to me as a red flag and I don't think we should be hailing it as a masterpiece, with the consequences of that being children glorifying romantic relationships with adults much older than them. Trafficking and slavery are so prominent today, especially amongst children (which are inherently vulnerable), and so any media that pushes kids into being more okay with romance with older people (which is very often exploitative) needs to be handled with caution, regardless of how good its artistic quality is. And I think artists need to be okay with asking the question of the impact that their art may have, and whether potentially harmful things need to be made in that specific way. But that's just my hot take as someone who hasn't seen it! Happy to be proven wrong!

[@librarianists]

I can't say that I've consciously approached the film this way before, but I 100% agree with you. I read the book shortly after it originally came out, and Elio's internal monologues so closely mirrored my own experiences and feelings at that age (minus the actual romance). The fact that the movie didn't destroy my opinion of the book is a minor miracle, especially since the first time I saw a photo of Chalamet and Hammer I thought that they both looked all wrong. Thankfully, I was the one who was wrong! And I offer no comment on my history of peach consumption. 🍑😜

[@fejimanz]

I haven't seen this movie because I've somehow always been annoyed with Timothee which started with his name. I think the only one if his movies I've seen is Dune and I didn't like him much in it. And I don't like this about me. I shouldn't shut myself down to any performer based on a general vibe.

[@thekylemarshall_]

Listen I just like my men like I like my emaciated Victorian dolls. I want them to look like emaciated Victorian dolls.

[@fejimanz]

@@thekylemarshall_ and I like my men like I like my pulitzer prize winning journalists... To look like Ronan Farrow.