Call Me Dad: Breaking the Cycle of Domestic Violence | Real Stories Full-Length Documentary

[@melexanie5403]

My ex-husband was like these men, I still flinch at slamming doors, men yelling, arguments, my car not starting when I turn the key in the ignition. 14yrs and I still remember everything he did to me.. everything!

[@RooftopRose079]

I can't stand being around anyone who gets too loud anymore because I'm flinching, covering my ears, begging whoever it is to stop yelling and my instincts are screaming DANGER! GET AWAY! I used to actually try to knock myself out with the back wall just so I could avoid hearing him yelling in the next room. If I was unconscious he'd actually leave and calm down. It wouldn't be as bad later on.

[@sweetpiece6922]

your not alone....and your still here and brave enough to say these words. you won. your amazing and smile bc your worth goodness

[@happilysingle8385]

Me too, but you know what? We are free. Our lives are our own now

[@lindaschwab4665]

I'm so glad he's your ex. That gives you a medal for courage.

[@melexanie5403]

@@lindaschwab4665 on a day full of anxiety (it’s only 9am where I am) This was really nice to read. Thank you xx

[@drd6893]

As a child i was terrified of my father, i said I'd never do that to my children, and i never did

[@beepot2764]

So did I. But I can recognize and empathize with these people who fall into the cycle. I was scared of my dad but I also wanted a relationship with him when I was a kid. And in wanting that relationship its easy to fall into his mannerisms and think that it's Ok. If I hadn't had other role models that I respected more than my dad, and if they hadn't instilled in me value in my own opinion, I can see me falling on the path of abuse and violence.

[@dorcashealey3265]

it's great if you didn't. some people don't have the skills you do or the health

[@godsend2815]

You were blessed, lucky and strong.

[@JaneA544]

Well done you

[@kr1221E]

Some men and women (who also abuse men) have narcissistic personality disorder. There is hope for non narcissistic abusers who don't want to be abusive and who are willing to go back and heal childhood wounds, but as for narcissists, what hope is there for them, it seems to me like the narcissistic abusers are so ego-bound and damged, is it beyond repair. As for the non narcissistc abusers, who are willing to go into childhood wounds and heal, congratulations. They have empathy, but narcissists are devoid of this from early abuse, people villify them because they are capable of killing, but i kinda feel sorry for them because, unlike their non-narcissistic abusers, they seem incapable of exploring childhood abuse as it is too DARK

[@tausa75]

There's nothing brave about hurting your family, but putting in the hard work and confronting the true impact of your abusive behaviour is real courage. I congratulate all who put themselves out there in this documentary.

[@melissacunningham2524]

Yes I agree,most would have a prob coming out,especially to the public & on TV. Its all good as long as it is genuine, actions r louder than words.And good on them if they do change their behavior for the better .

[@Girl-101]

Just BS to get out, nothing is for nothing and it’s prob the same with sexual abusers too

[@sinistersisterh-e4663]

I hope that more will follow in their footsteps. Having a problem controling agression is one thing, but fighting the urge and trying to be a good person is the solution.

[@MegaSpaceMolly]

Most of this is probably court-ordered. They’re no heroes.

[@Kenzie_McIntyre]

@@MegaSpaceMolly even if it is court ordered if it gets through to one man its worth it

[@myaholmes4286]

Tell this to the kids, moms and dads who died due to this “anger” no excuse at all for this behavior, I get angry and yet I still keep my hand to myself

[@leighferguson6677]

I have been an abused woman from my very first memories as a 3yr old up until now. I've suffered sexual, physical and mental abuse, I'm what my doctor calls a miracle because I have still got some faith in man kind. I still laugh and love and unfortunately still cry over the lost years. Abuse is a cancer that can be cured but the abuser needs to want to be cured. Some men don't want to be cured and you can hear it I some of the guys in this video. Sad but true

[@infinitedeath1384]

@@leighferguson6677 Damn i'm sorry to hear that. Unfortunately as a guy i can't fully sympathize with your situation, but i hope whoever abused you got what they deserved.

[@annedio6628]

i Agree, as a survivor from Family Domestic Violence my father always had an excuse for his explosive moments towards me! He had a long day or his just upset well if you have an issues don't put it on your own child!!

[@cynnamynthic]

I TOTALLY AGREE

[@KrisBlack-idahogirl]

@@leighferguson6677 i too am a "miracle".

[@cynthiaforequality]

My mom was the violent one. My dad was emotionally abusive and inappropriate 2xs. I learned to run away. My life continued on a path of being victimized. I'm actually lucky to be alive. Today I can't be around men very often or for extended periods of time. I've been educated about domestic violence. I had to study psychology and social dynamics to fully understand. Not being able trust either parent made it hard for me to trust people. It took 7 abusive relationships before I decided to stay out relationships completely. Love my own company now. My story has a psychologically improved dynamic and I help women and children now following protocol appropriate to ensure safety. I commend the counselors for making the effort to help abusers. I don't believe they can change.

[@Psychedelicwonderland69]

I was abused - but was also equally as toxic. I was so controlled, but I'd react in controlling ways too. From 14-16 I was with an older man who essentially taught me "you have no friends and family and neither do I" control was the basis of our relationship and I was isolated from everyone and everything. Leading me to completely lose myself I the most important years of my life. So when that ended, after 6 months I was back in an even more abusive relationship - physically, mentally, financially & emotionally. And that lasted for 5 years before I finally realised I needed to be the one to change my own life. Within the 5 years he did stop being physical to me so I did believe "He changed for me" but all the other abuse continued. From my end too. It wasn't until year 4 that I finally changed my mood and my reactions - I no longer checked his phone daily or logged into his social media. I stop being possessive and jealous over nothing but he wouldn't do the same. It took a year of me begging for a normal relationship before I realised he would never be capable. So in the same strength I was able to change. I have not repeated a single negative behavior in my current relationship but I cannot say the same for him. It took 3 years for him to leave me alone after leaving.. then he started getting his girlfriend to message and abuse me.. but I do believe you can change, but I don't believe you can change in the same relationship. Once standards are set, they're hard to go back on. When me and my current partner got together I said to him "You raise your voice to me once and I'm gone" and to this day we haven't argued. I've set a standard for our relationship and it's never been broken. I was never able to set that standard with my ex, no matter how hard I tried.

[@judithgibson4291]

What is funny about giving people black eyes+!!!

[@wing2017]

Jackie's voice is so soothing and calming. She is so well suited for this type of work. Bringing hope for healing and reconciliation to families. What a great team of counsellors!

[@Julie-ci5iz]

This is an incredibly powerful documentary. I come from both sides of the spectrum; in early days my father was the abuser but then my mother somehow wrestled the control back and for her own reasons, she severely abused her kids emotionally. It was like a game play and it was traumatic and so very hurtful. Nobody was standing in your corner, as a kid.

[@gerritvanwijk1506]

And yet in this 80 minute documentary about domestic violence not one word about abusive women. Stay strong Julie.

[@maryannesweet8824]

Yet men are here to hold violent women accountable. They always are. Taking responsibility not so obvious

[@sophiajeakings994]

I grew up in an identical situation. It's great to see it from the abusers perspective. It's a shame more people aren't willing to break that cycle , let's hope these guys manage to fight their inner demons. Would be interesting to see more documentaries about abusive women....

[@ruta6945]

I didn't want to stop watching. I hope the group of men who were brave enough to participate in this important program, all the very best. May they continue their journey towards becoming better men.

[@ellent4tyler]

I was an abused wife in every category.... Coming from a history of abusive men on my ex-husbands side.. I am proud to say that My Son has "broke the family tradition of abusing their wives". And is a devoted husband to his wife and 2 children

[@florence1395]

ellen hendron You must be so proud of your son, well done to you all.

[@peachtea7269]

I'm so proud of your son! Hope it's doing well!

[@GlobalBizlife]

Thank heavens.

[@Marimilitarybrat]

When the female counselor stated that Nathan's divorce was not his fault, I felt nauseated. It was his fault/responsibility because every time he abused his family he chose not to control his emotions. I really feel sorry for his daughters. I don't know how they could feel safe alone with him. The daughters and ex-wife will choose abusive partner unless they get some very effective help.

[@beepot2764]

In the context, it was not him who decided to file for divorce. His actions pushed his wife to that point, which was acknowledged in the video.

[@uuesgirl]

Agreed! It was, 100%, without a doubt, his fault! She's lucky she even got the opportunity to divorce him before he killed her!

[@queenofthebutterflies5212]

He appears to me to be a classic narcissist psychopath. When i carefully looked at him, his postures, choice of words, everything, that is the conclusion I made. Scary man. Look at how he smiles as he describes ''not'' putting the new boyfriend in a whole different place. He's imagining (visualising) doing it and with glee.

[@kristel6647]

Very dangerous for the counsellor to state that the divorce was not his fault. my ex would go that all the time, he threatened to cut the home phone line, told me he was now doing it and I needed to find a new provider, during the pandemic, alone with his baby daughter, isolated in the place he’d moved us to, no family, no frievds, he lived abroad, he’d cut the phone line before, the place was so isolated it only had one provider...I was terrified...when I managed to find a way of changing it, he told me, “I didn’t cut the phone line, YOU did!” Meaning his instruction to do so/dismissing me begging him not to. Turned it all to my fault.

[@dbentleyto95]

@@kristel6647 I hope you are healing now.

[@GOGOSLIFE]

Real men recognize their mistakes and correct them, not use excuses.

[@Girl-101]

Real men do not women. PERIOD

[@puccipuu1797]

Why Are you being transphobic.

[@blondecat666]

Mistakes??? That is a criminal act, not a 'mistake'. You're not so innocent of them I take it.

[@thewayneflyinghigh9128]

What about real women?, do they have to admit to making mistakes?,

[@TH-eb5ro]

I think I get what you mean by 'real men' it is a reference that a part of being a man is to realize those things. This applies to men and women but this video focuses on abusive males.

[@shapienails3067]

My X was raised in an abusive home seen his Dad beat his Mom, him & his siblings. He started trying to do it to me & I gave him a few chances to go through anger/abuse classes. Even helped him with the written classwork .. talked of how I would feel when he belittled me- hit me etc.. After everything was done & he "received " help? One bad day at work etc.. anything would or could set him off. It would start all over again..some Don't Change !!

[@LindaMerchant-bq2hp]

What happens when pldad was in the home these men get this notion of master of the house thesis physically intimidating mom and the kids is why husband's fathers are always held in suspicion of family abuse by social workers police

[@eileenkelly4760]

It makes me sick when they make jokes and laugh amongst themselves about their appalling actions. What, they deserve a gold medal for admitting they have a problem? BS. Doesn't help their wives and kids who they continue to beat. I have a certain amount of respect for those men who genuinely want the help and give it a fair go, but it remains to be seen whether or not they've 'changed' long term.

[@maryannesweet8824]

We know they won't. Default to violence is what they're rewarded for

[@user-dd5kx5md5o]

Give these blokes a fair go. Making change is messy, hard, raw, and often ugly. I'm not justifying their actions, but we can't solve the problem of domestic violence if we continue to belittle and condemn the efforts of the men trying to be better.

[@infinitedeath1384]

@@user-dd5kx5md5o What would be better if they were like me, and were never domestically violent in the first place. Bunch of idiots think violence is the way, when all it does is cause more destruction. Anyone who has been violent, should never be with a woman, or deserve to be with another woman.

[@kr1221E]

@@maryannesweet8824 IF they are willing to explore and heal fully their own childhood wounds, there IS hope, but if they have DARK triad personality disorders, I am not sure, and i feel sorry for men who want to be ugly all their lives, the darker abusers were abused when their brain was forming, I would hate to be an abuser who is DARK triad as I would be unsure if I could change, but yea, as for those who ARE willing to go deep into their childhood and change, congrats, so long a stay non abusive.

[@natyspaghettighetti6726]

My first thought it when they made jokes was how it didnt look good on them to do so, like its a "mans" thing, but then i thought, when people are nervous they laugh and make jokes. When i went to therapy its hard to always keep a straight face when you are confronting strong emotions. I dont excuse it, but i also think its better for them to show what they think and feel in that exact place then not say it at all, in fact, for them to say it in a group with other people and in front of cameras show they are confortable to say what im sure many men just think, so i would consider better for it to be said then not. Change and understanding takes a long time, and the road is always messy, i dont think there is any other way for it to be real if it isnt.

[@FreedomFighter-cr5xg]

Violent men never change .. they stop their violent acts only when their health gets bad ..

[@Girl-101]

Exactly

[@georgenavilio7523]

That is not very fair at all, because a lot of the time, abuse happens under the influence of something, whether it be alcohol or drugs. Also, a lot of these guys have yet to find their lord and savior , Jesus Christ .

[@Eatmorepaper]

Look up the labeling theory. If you dont allow people to change and accept their change, then they get discouraged and think noone will believe them so they might as well keep up their violence

[@ivydickson7596]

Some men in New Zealand have started wearing t shirts that read" She is not your Rehab". so powerful.

[@Pebs_dandysworld_781]

Hi. Thank you for your comment. I'm from Australia and we are suffering through a huge surge of women being killed from DV. I understand that men are abused by women in relationships also but are afraid to speak up so I think a lot of changes need to be made. I love that your men are wearing those t-shirts, we have had a bit of backlash here when one of our news reporters asked men to stand up against DV so it's very tricky. I'm a survivor of years of emotional and psychological abuse. I have luckily never been hit but I always wonder if I had stayed it most likely would have escalated to that. 🤍

[@loribriggs3346]

My father was abusive and then I had multiple abusive relationships with men. I really like living with my cat ;)

[@anne-mariezack]

I hear you.

[@gothempress]

Same, Lori! ^_^ Same.

[@alexandraschuster9700]

Amen

[@lindaschwab4665]

I really love living with my 4 shitzus.

[@lindaschwab4665]

Me too only my 4 shitzus.

[@anne-mariezack]

Trying to raise a family with someone who is enveloped in anger all of the time doesn't work.

[@kristel6647]

Absolute tosh... I had a husband who said he’d HAD anger issues related to his father and childhood, that they weren’t aimed at people, only situations, etc etc...blah blah blah... I tried to calm him/placate him/stayed silent when he raged at things such as driving or a diy job... He’d praise me saying I was the only woman to ever understand him, to understand his ‘stress levels’ and how to handle him. That I’d ‘saved him’ It’s absolute crap... The rage turned to me slowly, to our life, until 5 years later I was the apparent cause of all his misery...just as he’d said all the people in his past had been before me.. Get out while you can...if they come into a relationship with anger issues, short tempers, outbursts from nowhere... Leave!!!!

[@savharali]

My dad was SO violent to my mam. She slept with a knife under her pillow and also under the 'Welcome' floor mat that was at our front door. I think I might write about it one day, but just for now I hope that these Australian guys can sort themselves out and find peace in their families.

[@dorcashealey3265]

if you can't manage this yet, don't be in a relationship yet

[@anahill2366]

amennn

[@rexbrix959]

So sad to see Sasko moved right back into the home. It is terrible enough to abuse your spouse but to also physically abuse your children. How could his wife trust him to be around the children.

[@eviekelpie1]

I know, I couldn't understand it. She's walking in egg shells around him

[@D-me-dream-smp]

It’s so annoying when abusers claim they just “lost control” and the abuse was down to something the victim did. The truth is many of these men maintain employment and other relationships and somehow only take out their aggression on their partner or families. I’m so glad that woman kicked her husband out. It’s important to put protecting your children above all else. You could see he didn’t truly believe that what he was doing was wrong nor did he believe he needed to change. I feel sorry for the guy and understand that he is struggling but ultimately he has a choice and his kids don’t. He is setting them up for a lifetime of issues and potentially repeating the cycle. It is good to see these men taking responsibility for their actions and accepting accountability. It’s good to see the focus where it belongs, on the perpetrator rather than blaming the victim. The truth as an adult is it is very very hard to change who you are unless you are very motivated and many of these men are having to break life long patterns of behaviour and a lifetime making excuses to justify what they do. While some genuinely want to created better patterns you can tell some of them are still not accepting their culpability.

[@CrustyUgg]

Ok but that literally is losing control.. lol

[@SuperTruthful]

TRUTH

[@robinjagoda]

Exactly. Abusers are very much in control. Saying they lost control is a lie that they tell to obfuscate what is really going on. Unfortunately, many people believe this popular myth and don't understand the dynamics of abuse. Abusers can switch their so-called "out of control" behavior on and off like a light switch. They are using terror & violence as a tool to dominate and control their partners. It is intentional. Watch what happens when the cops show up and suddenly they are calm and reasonable, and then it's their abused and terrified victim who is "hysterical".

[@GlobalBizlife]

Agréé

[@glyko86]

Children should never be an excuse or a reason to stay in this kind of abusive relationship. When I hear Sasko’s wife saying that “it’s doing ok as long as she walks on eggshells and do whatever she can not to trigger his rage and adding how a good father he is “ proves how much control he still has on her and how totally unhealthy this relationship remains and will remain as long as she does not take responsibility and leave him.

[@DBKtoday2]

You are right everyone but the abuser is damaged - staying for the kids is NOT for them or beneficial at all.

[@ratpackrae333]

If theyre putting the effort n to have a better marriage then IMO it's best to keep the family together. He's working towards controlling his anger, it's a slow process to go from being one way then doing a full 180 to behaving a whole new way. i look at it more like how it is for an addict getting clean..but like I said this is just my opinion.. The vows you promise ur spouse are supposed to be kept ..till death And together not just in the good times, together in the bad times too. fingers crossed 🤞 all the men had great success learning new ways to deal with their anger. And for them to have their happy families together and Loving life more than ever❤🙏👫

[@rubyred7777]

A perpetrator of domestic violence is not a good person, or a safe person. Therefore they can never be a good father.

[@rubyred7777]

@@ratpackrae333 and that vow of 'til death' often comes a lot sooner when a perpetrator stays in the family home.

[@k_j_n1242]

​​@@ratpackrae333Not at the expense of the irreprable and unquantifiable damage that is caused to the children living in utter fear their entire childhoods. No it is NOT better to keep a child in a household with abuse!!!! What f@£king planet are you living on 🙄🤮

[@jessieh600]

....I have learned this in my last 18 years...and that is..." An abusive man does not change that part in him that comes out when he thinks it's a good time for him, and beats/ and/or ..rather... What does change in them, which undetected by most, suppress those urges that they knew they could control from the start, and therefore conduct theirselves in a manner that portrays they have changed, that is, to the untrained eye, so with that being said my opinion based on my experience with abusive husbands they do not change their abusive ways, PERIOD.

[@LindaMerchant-bq2hp]

Exactly and same for abusive wives men seem to demand rights to be in home and be domineering abusive

[@dmc41987]

I was mentally and physically abused by my ex girlfriend and, I felt ashamed to talk about what was happening until a few of my rugby mates saw the bruises on my arms and legs during training. I told them about what was happening in the relationship. I’m glad that I told them what was happening and it was all resolved in the end, I’m now happier in myself.

[@jennifergraceh]

I’m late to this comment but I just wanted to commend you for speaking up! More men absolutely need to stand up and speak up about their experiences with abuse because it happens far, far more than the media leads us to believe. I’m a dv counselor (for perpetrators) and the stats are pretty equal across the board for men and women perps. The only significant difference is that men are more likely to cause serious injury than women. But if more men like you had the courage to talk about their experiences, we could begin to normalize it and hopefully address and fix the issue. I’m glad to hear your friends were there for you.

[@elenawilliams32]

Currently 1 woman a week is killed by her partner in Australia. Usually when they try to leave or have recently left. My childhood was like 'Once Were Warriors' but my father did it sober. Get out girls!

[@sharonellis8776]

I have never regretted leaving an abusive partner. I am a much stronger woman because of doing it.

[@carmenl163]

I've recently learned about the cycle of shame in IFS therapy, and I think it's more about shame than fear for the abusers. I am watching this because even though I am 58, I have a 13-year-old little girl inside me who is still frozen with fear for my father. I want to understand him better. This documentary has helped me a lot with that. Thank you, gentlemen, for sharing.

[@smome777]

Nathan is absolutely terrifying and those girls are going to forever feel like their mother abandoned them. Just sad all the way around

[@emmcee662]

He is incredibly narcissistic IMO

[@nataliemadrigal899]

I agree and the 2 girls will probably end up with men just like him.

[@deborahnieling2315]

Felt the same way, he has that strong physical appearance that feels intimidating together with that situation in the group where he felt offended! That gave you a glimpse how he acted towards his wife.. and I thought, I don't want to cross his path, no way, scary dude! But I have to say I really hope for him that he will learn something, because he exposed himself in that Documentary in front of a huge audience! And maybe the hurt of the Divorce makes him realize that there is another way when you start to trust and let go of the control!

[@redgoddess]

Sure he had a huge part to play in their feelings about their mother. His hatred for her is clear.

[@jamesrichardson-king9359]

If he hits you once he will hit you again. You won’t ever change him. He will just get worse and worse. LEAVE.

[@k_j_n1242]

💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯

[@k_j_n1242]

Exactly. Don't be arrogant enough to think that you'll be the one to change the perpetrator. You won't be! Because its not about showing them love, for them its about power and control. So no amount of love and forgiveness towards them will change them. They are more often than not hardwired this way. Get out! If not for you, put your kids first. Don't think that just because they don't hit the kids, that they're not irreprably damaged for the rest of their lives living in such an environment. Put your kids before the perp. They are more important than you or the perp, no matter how you feel ❤

[@JoJo-jy2rw]

Excellent documentary. Give credit where credit is due. There was a lot of honest sharing by all parties. I have hope in my heart

[@Girl-101]

They would be honest in treatment though or for the camera, I don’t believe these men will ever change with the partner that they have already accepted being hit

[@haleyrison68]

It's refreshing to see.

[@samanthaschwartz2316]

I can give credit for honesty about abuse someone has committed on their family members when they actually make things change. Otherwise it's more allowing them to brag about the horrors they have made others suffer. They don't deserve a pat on the back for deciding to stop their monstrous behavior. The men who don't have to discuss abuse they have committed deserve the real credit. These men deserve help to be able to join a group where they discuss the wonderful things they provide their partners and children one day.

[@samanthaschwartz2316]

@@Girl-101 women don't accept being abused. They accept the abuser. There is a difference.

[@Nicci82]

To all dads out there. How would you feel if your daughter, as a teen/adult, walked in the front door with a man like YOU? Because YOU are the first man she will ever love, you are the man who is supposed to show her what a man is supposed to be. You are the man who is going to show her how she should be loved (via your interactions with her and her mother). Same applies to your son's, YOU are the one who shows him how to be a man, you are the one who shows him how to love, you are the one who shows him how to treat women. Be the man you want your daughter to marry. Be the man you want your son to be for another's daughter Don't let them down.

[@honeyboo7549]

WORD!

[@k_j_n1242]

💯💯💯

[@sandylynn1912]

I almost died in a domestic violence live in relationship. Man choked me and I lost consciousness. Woke up didn’t know where I was what year it was. A few more seconds and I would not be typing this. I still live in fear .that man took something I can never get back.No one should live like this.. Thank god there was no children involved.

[@Rahel8811]

Thank Goodness your ok 🫂

[@sandylynn1912]

@@Rahel8811 thank you

[@urmelausdemeis4743]

First of all I would like to thank all men for having the courage to talk about their actions and thoughts and also being filmed! I think it takes a lot more for men to talk about their emotions (unfortunately!)... And show "weakness" in front of other men (again - unfortunately!)... So thank you Justin, Saska and all the others involved for asking for help and sticking to the program!!!! I wish more people out there would have your courage!!!!

[@s.andrewchandler-byrne4611]

My Grandmother was a victim of domestic violence in the 1950s/60s. The police had to be called to their house where they lived and escort my Grandfather away. The mental effects of what he did to her were permanent.

[@leahosborne1380]

I hope the partners and children of these men are safe and stay that way

[@suzyq172]

One thing I don’t agree with....an END to the program. There should be ongoing care for everyone involved, particularly the men. Much like Alcoholics Anonymous.

[@prometheuspredator7971]

And accountability for their actions. Confessing you have a problem to others, and participating in long term treatment.

[@alexandraschuster9700]

There is help but this is by choice to continue to grow

[@deborahnieling2315]

I agree but it is a financial thing (as always) and a logistic challenge as well, because they have a waiting list for new groups and new man, it is time consuming (because as we saw, Dave have to take care of situations beyond the time in the meetings) But I agree with you, the Government has to put out more money for Ressources, as long term treatment, helping and support the woman long term as well and so on! I saw a Documentary about Femizid in England and it was so shocking and sad! Very impressive Docu I watched it two times! Disturbing how many women were killed by their partner, this Docu showed several cases, the family members and how it happened!! It is on You tube and the title is Love you to death! Don't want to start what is going on in Venezuela where Femizid is a daily thing and women lay just dead on the streets killed by the boyfriend or husband! Killed just for the smallest things, unbelievable! No remorse at all from the men, most of them walk free! Venezuela is the most dangerous place on earth for wemen!

[@poppyfield1619]

I suppose they are inundated with requests to join these programmes so there has to be a limit on the length of it. Really sad that many men need so much more.

[@lindaschwab4665]

They need to not be allowed back in.

[@shivers3600]

That poor woman, look at the ripple effect these abusers cause, a trail of destruction.

[@gwendolyn1003]

@@waydewatson5720 This isn't about you 🤷🏾

[@maryannesweet8824]

The women don't get anywhere near enough credit. Propping up these men and blamed for the bad behaviour

[@catlady5261]

I have so much respect for Justin. Way to go! Your hug with your son was beautiful :)

[@Irisplove]

You could see the point where he finally starts to get it and understands how abusive his behaviour is. He seemed almost flippant and in denial initially, but then something clicked and that's when you begin to change.

[@florence1395]

I’m a older person, I would of died for my children! Anyone who touches my children will never breath again. Is this a threat? Absolutely not, this is a mother who protects her cubs................My cubs are all grown & now they feel 💯 protective towards moi !

[@MarcosIsABaritone]

Mama Lioness!

[@feljac30]

Tears at moments for me, men can change, from my own DV marriage and abuse then divorse. I saw my ex change through similar program. We now have a much better co parent relationship. Thank you to the counselors who work with DV victims and abusers.

[@spazdude1]

they cant change ts still deep inside them they just controlling it for the moment.

[@aliciablanchard2500]

Yes with a person that wants to make a change and determination to to so. It’s absolutely possible.

[@spazdude1]

@@aliciablanchard2500 This is the problem with some woman they believe there abusers instead of accepting that you just picked the wrong man and leaving them.

[@rickmelin4926]

never change it's in their DNA violent scumbags.

[@saintsinner7565]

But it's still there you can't take it out

[@ravenbeaudoin109]

The dads in this documentary know they’re harming their family. What they don’t know is as a child that survived abuse, I can tell you I stay so far away from my parents. We don’t ever see each other and we’re eight minutes away. I can tell you I don’t refer to him as dad or her as mom, but as “egg and sperm donors.”

[@purplepeopleeater6880]

I would say to all these Dads - your children and the relationship you have with them is worth all the pain of becoming vulnerable. Always ask yourself how your feelings and actions will affect the well being of your child. Your kids need you

[@maburg713]

An absolutely outstanding documentary! I would highly recommend this to anyone looking for something positive and uplifting, because the men and women in this are incredible. It takes a lot to open yourself like this, and every one should be very proud of how far they've come. (And David and his co-presenter, whose name escapes me right now, are pure gold!)

[@aj6837]

Great documentary!! Some of the things I've seen from afar and are disgusted by I've done. Yelling at the wife and kids, pointless arguments with strangers. You absolutely have to look at yourself as the cause and the cure to this madness. Not blame others that "made" you upset.

[@nnacroon7356]

Respect to anyone working in this field.

[@cruiseny26]

Some of these men should not be in relationships. They are entitled and see themselves as victims. When they are challenged, they react and they project their negative qualities onto their partners and use that to justify their behavior. I took him back 3 times and he never changed. Each time was the same: the epiphany that he realized what he did was wrong, then the backslide, then he would flip the script and blame his bad behavior on me again. He was the same with his previous partner, the same with me and I'm sure the next girl. We will all be the toxic ex girlfriend and he will continue to tell the same sob story to the next victim. Each of us a trail of destruction and damage that will take years to heal after he is gone.

[@lynette599]

I think most of these men only attend these classes because of a court order or a wife threatening to leave with the children should they NOT attend (therefore, it could be seen as just ANOTHER controlling behaviour, i.e. 'I will make you stay by pretending I am seriously trying to change'. The laughing and clapping @26:22 just confirms my thoughts.

[@TinyTinaTeaParty]

If you watch the whole video all these men stay and they make great change. It may start out as such but I believe some do change, not nearly enough though.

[@redgoddess]

I thought the very same thing. They seem to only do the program to manipulate their wives as kids would most likely be forgiving. This is evidenced by how surprised and angered they are when their wife calls out their behavior or files for divorce.

[@tulipchic34]

My father was abusive. I found myself in a relationship with a verbally abusive bully. I broke up with him the first time he laid hands on me

[@misslaurap]

Good u left him

[@k_j_n1242]

First time 💯💯💯

[@prometheuspredator7971]

It appears that Nathan takes alot of pride with his smiles and all, beating the crap out of people.

[@LindaMerchant-bq2hp]

What if someone did that to him in prison

[@uuesgirl]

"My worst fear is our kids growing up like us." Um, no... Growing up like YOU! You should be fearful that they'll grow up like YOU, because YOU'RE the problem. I'm glad programs like this exist. Whether they work or not, no idea. I've been in 4, yep, FOUR abusive relationships, some worse than others. Those men never changed. I changed the type of men I chose and now I'm with someone who actually loves me. The abusive men I speak of are still abusive to their new partners. I'm lucky to have gotten out alive, especially the first 2. One of them went to a mandatory anger management program that deals specifically with domestic abuse. He made a joke out of the whole class and never changed for a second.

[@catherinerothe729]

Eileen85 you don't know what this man meant. He was saying violent like him. And like his wife. He didn't mean to sound like he was blaming her. I am a woman and these groups do work.

[@kristel6647]

Yep...my ex would constantly say ‘our isdues’ and excuse as he was stressed or we were arguing, everything had an excuse, he was always ‘pushed to abuse’ 🙄 he’d threaten to kill me, tell me he’d put me in hospital, restrict food/money...all caused by me apparently, I’d show he had the same issues before meeting me, hed deny with proof even

[@heathermurray6776]

The men might be the abusive ones but it’s a boundary problem for both individuals. I’ve watched couples dealing with domestic violence get help and change and be together in peace for years to come. It can be done. It’s not the norm and idk if it happens very often but it can happen. Most of the time the abuser was abused as a child and is just repeating what he’s learned. I don’t think it’s as simple as just throwing them away as hopeless.

[@kristel6647]

Heather Murray the ‘boundary issue’ is we take what we shouldn’t and I’m afraid they all have excuses such as being abused as a child, mine even hijacked his siblings abuse and lied it was him, took me years to understand how an adult could lie about that, I only believed he’d lie about that when I had proof from police records. We all know right from wrong, and most people have had a non idyllic childhood. Most of us stayed because we believed they were victims or we could help them.

[@Girl-101]

I do not believe that these men change, and I will only believe it when someone comes forward with a documentary to say that they were part of a couple where DV was prevalent

[@lilyrose7082]

Bravo!! Wonderful show! This knowledge is what needs to be taught in schools from kindergarten up!! This is what’s more important than anything!! This video made me cry. I’m female and I was deathly afraid of my abusive alcoholic father and my older brother. I ended up marrying the worst possible human being on the planet! I’m divorced now 19 years. He’s 63 now and hasn’t changed one bit bc first you must realize there’s a problem and without that recognition, you’ll never make positive changes and he never has!

[@maryannmcleodevans2012]

I lived with an abusive husband for four years in Australia. I was from the United States, but because my sons were born in Australia, the government wouldn't let me leave and go home to my family to start a new life. I kept believing my husband when he said he'd change and get help. He was arrested three times and pleaded guilty every time, and every time he went to "anger management" and received probation. The classes taught him how to manage the system, not his anger. The last time we reconciled I convinced him to move to the United States. He started becoming abusive again not long after we moved. After a year of living in the States, we went back to Australia to visit his family. While we were there, he asked me for a divorce and threatened to kidnap our boys and keep them in Australia. That night, I packed my bags and my boys' bags, bought three plane tickets, rented a car, and then next morning, my boys and I flew out of Sydney and made it back to the States before he realized we had left Australia. I filed for divorce the next day, got an order of protection, and my mother and I bought a gun (something I couldn't do in Australia when I needed one to protect myself). He is out of our lives, now, and I'm married to a wonderful, loving man, who is a good, strong father to my boys. My ex-husband lost his entire family because he chose to remain a selfish, paranoid, cruel, violent man. The courts in Australia are a joke when it comes to domestic violence. Anger management classes are a joke. At least here in the U.S. women can arm themselves, learn how to use a firearm, and not be vulnerable to a psychopath who wants her dead.

[@michellehitt1976]

Oh wow I’m sorry y’all had to go through that. I’m so glad you’re safe now🤟💞

[@deborahnieling2315]

Happy for you that you escaped this man! Coming from Germany and I live in Austria now, I am twisted about the firearm thing... I understand why you feel that way but I also saw a lot of Documentarys where women sit in jail for the rest of their life who used it to protect themselves (especially in the USA, no other country in the world has so many Prisons and prisoners) What was so mind blowing for me is the fact that in a lot of cases the domestic abuse was downplayed by the Prosecution and the woman was a cold blooded killer(portrait as such) On the other side we have so much Femizides happening! 90 % by an Ex partner who kill the woman! Saw a Docu from England already two times, It is called : Love you to death, very sad and impressive Documentary! But again, so happy for you that you managed to escape together with your children and found love and trust again! 🙏💕🌹🌹🌹

[@Rahel8811]

Thank Goodness you escaped with your boys thank you for sharing this.

[@SaoirsenahÉireann1]

Well done, thank God all of you are safe..

[@rosebrown6811]

At least they recognise they have a problem and are trying.Most abusers can’t or don’t even have the capacity to look inwardly and see the problem is them not everyone else. I sadly agree that for the most part these people men and women won’t change.

[@marcia7107]

rose brown I agree. But the statistics show men do a lot more damage than women and women are more likely to change for the better, than men.

[@philosophersstone2482]

MRC That’s true. There is a troll on this comments section that is basically accusing ALL the women of the planet of being abusers and claiming 100% of men have been abused by women. That’s a big part of the problem today when people ignore or deny statistics and make up their own “facts” to fulfill an agenda.

[@maggiet25]

To condemn our sisters and brothers is to condemn ourselves. They learned these ways of being, they are not inherent. Therefore, they can learn new ways, or rather, the true ways, of being. One Love to all of us.

[@philosophersstone2482]

I also think they were forced to go to these meetings because they got in trouble with the law.

[@maggiet25]

@@philosophersstone2482 Is that necessarily a negative? Plenty of change comes about with the catalyst being "forced". Don't cling too hard to your need find your brothers eternally guilty, my friends! Love to all.

[@KatieB33]

These men are amazing to allow themselves to be filmed sharing such a negative aspect about themselves. They should be proud of themselves and I hope they managed to keep it up.

[@alexandraschuster9700]

Amazing???? C'mon!! What a joke

[@sarahsmyth5383]

If my partner hit my son even 1 time, he would never see him nor me again.

[@JoJo-jy2rw]

well I hope you never have to test your beliefs

[@godsend2815]

Your very welcome darlin.lt has to be stopped prior to hitting children.Good for you.

[@godsend2815]

@@JoJo-jy2rw l already have, hence the name.

[@sarahsmyth5383]

@@JoJo-jy2rw test my beliefs? No test my interegrity.

[@sarahsmyth5383]

@@godsend2815 beliefs are thoughts knowing is experience

[@dijellicoe3185]

It isn’t whether it’s possible for anyone to change; they don’t want to change. They don’t truly believe they have an issue. It takes work to make any change. They won’t work hard to change because they are doing it begrudgingly.

[@karenacton3854]

There is nothing worse than an abusive father.....NOTHING! They basically teach their sons how to treat partners and children, that it's ok to do, cops probably wouldn't do anything anyways.....so have at 'er son. There is a responsibility for sons to make the effort to change the cycle.....some do, most don't. These are not acceptable things to do and the sooner fathers teach their sons this, eventually this will end.

[@68secretgarden]

Oh really? It seems you did not have an abusive mother! As mothers used to get the children after getting divorced you would not even have another parent there to help you.

[@karenacton3854]

Stefanie Eva I was one of the lucky ones that had a very loving mother, and with nine kids that's difficult to do, but my father was abusive. I didn't mean to say a mother would be incapable of tainting her children to do bad things, anyone is capable of this, it's just a majority of men are the offenders. As for having someone else to go to presumably there are other family members to step in for the sake of the child(ren)? If you are offended by my comment that's your issue, I can't be responsible for how you feel about my opinion.

[@uuesgirl]

Having an abusive partner or husband is equally as bad I'd say! Or abusive mother! Having anyone in your life who is supposed to love you, but abuses you instead, is the worst. Doesn't matter the gender or relationship, it's all life changing in the worst way imaginable

[@poppyfield1619]

Abusive fathers also teach their daughters to mistrust men and accept abuse as the norm. Therefore the daughters choose/attract the wrong men. It is a terrible legacy😟

[@MrBobbo18]

@@uuesgirl men are the security part of a relationship and family. If the one tasked with making you feel safe is the one abusing you..

[@MegaReg22]

Kudos to these guys and their willingness to look inward and strive for change. Hope they succeed! There is so much brokenness in this world and cycles that keep repeating toward more broken lives. I am a survivor of domestic abuse and I will say trust has proven to be very difficult to regain in any man.

[@maryannesweet8824]

I'm also convinced that men use these programs to further embolden their abuse. Manipulation is at the heart of family violence

[@ariajade7852]

Maryanne Sweet You hit the nail on the head with that comment my abuser did a program VERY similar to this, while abusing me idiotically and always made jokes about the program he was taking...

[@lindaschwab4665]

Tiny homes in a community of survivors getting healthy and helping each other for at least 3 years out. No abusers allowed.

[@lindaschwab4665]

@@maryannesweet8824 I totally agree.

[@JJ-hr7dd]

@@lindaschwab4665 I agree too

[@bellella_6926]

Anger is a secondary emotion. Before someone was angry they were hurt, ashamed, sad, or feeling otherwise vulnerable. My father could be very cruel and out of control, I was always scared. I'd like to know what was behind the anger but I've moved out and we never speak.

[@kr1221E]

I can tell you, he was abused himself, even if he doesn't admit it, too weakened by abuse at an early age, to have the strength to admit vulnerability.

[@lindaschwab4665]

Good

[@lindaschwab4665]

If he was abused he needs to not be in relationship until he gets healed

[@lindaschwab4665]

Do people change...

[@lindaschwab4665]

Waste of time

[@s.andrewchandler-byrne4611]

I don't think some of these men want to change to be honest. They think violence is a joke.

[@suzyq172]

They even LOOK violent. You can see the hardness in their faces. I hate societies that make men feel they can’t be vulnerable; that it’s unmanly. We are all a part of that. That being said, I do believe people can change, if they really want to. God bless the men, their families, and those who work with them.

[@godsend2815]

When you look at their faces after,the change is phenomenal.

[@D-me-dream-smp]

I have focused on teaching both my kids (boy and girl) empathy and compassion and help them to identify and name their emotions and to acknowledge and accept negative feelings as part of the human condition. What we do affects the wider community we live in.

[@twinklestar333]

It might sounds harsh, but abusers will never change.

[@roslyndrayton6716]

What a great program, it is refreshing to see these men stuck at the program and came out as better men. I wish them all the Best.

[@lightfeather6238]

My ex took classes the judge made him take them. It didn’t work he just learned how to be more manipulative with his abuse. I don’t recommend classes or couples counseling . When your ready just get out. 🙏❤️

[@randomnetfiend]

*I have great respect for these men for seeking help and for sticking with it. I'm sure it was one of the hardest things they've ever done. And to have their most vulnerable moments broadcast online too. Well done guys.*

[@lindaschwab4665]

No he cannot change

[@thesnowpaws9999]

Never understood how guys like this don't feel so disgusted with themselves or want to disappear out of shame. Yuck

[@Lizzie-h3j]

I have zero sympathy for these men babies. Obviously nobody's taught them that anyone they have contact with has the god given right to say no to them and do wtf they want without they're permission!! I take it this softly softly approach is instead of jail where they belong and will get a taste of their own medicine!!

[@janicewilliams1634]

The only thing that stops these abusive monsters is Illness, old age, or death. They never ever change EVER|

[@takerkellygiveusbacktupac617]

Fact. The reviticism rate is over 98%

[@elenamonteagudo9855]

Losers forever !

[@hollyfarr7209]

Best documentary I've seen in some time

[@susanwilliams7814]

Phenomenal. I am twice divorced. Both abusive. There aren't programs in South Africa like this. What frightens me though is that many South Africans leave SA for a better future in Australia. I am shocked by the level of abuse there. It's horrific here in SA. Both my daughter and I are lucky to be alive. This program is excellent. I really enjoyed it. For me I will never be able to function in a relationship the PTSD is really bad. Blessings on all the blokes down under who want to be the change. Shoshanna

[@Rahel8811]

I also have the same issue

[@lauragadille3384]

I'm a survivor of domestic violence

[@puccipuu1797]

Glad your both okay x

[@misslaurap]

👏😍

[@momofmany9954]

"Normal bloaks" don't hit their partner and children.🤮

[@christina2311]

I just want remind people that in many countries like the US the partners of these men would be considered endangering their children by staying with these men. It is a parents responsibility to protect their children first and foremost. There is no love in the world that is worth putting your children at risk in any way. It’s inexcusable. Seeking help is so important.

[@hunterjardine7148]

Yes it is so important! When my stepdad beat my mom, at one point I stood in between them and defended her with a knife. He took it from me and got super pissed and went to hit me. My mom stopped him and took a beating. We got out the next day. This was after years of abuse, I remember when I was little he picked me up by my hair.. because he was mad I hid from them.. as a kid I didn’t understand and she should have left then. I understand being scared and sometimes it feels hopeless but from the kids perspective.. please just reach out.. get help and get out ! Don’t risk your kids life or your own life.

[@christina2311]

@@hunterjardine7148 I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that. I hope you are able to get the mental health resources that you need in order to stop the cycle of abuse.

[@LUTfam4]

Abused women get in trouble all the time for kidnapping, when they take their kids away from the abuser. It's a twisted situation.

[@kyliefleming8742]

This is really short sighted and offensive... Violence is never ok... but "failure to protect" is considered old school and should not be part of a child protection lens. do kids need to be removed because it's too unsafe? Absolutely! But the safe and together model is American and being rolled out world wide, where we partner with the survivors and hold perpetratirs accountable. My 2 cents

[@flouncey1977]

Nathan is scary..... i could imagine having to walk around on eggshells around him

[@hannarice3007]

I can’t imagine how evil he might be when he’s in a rage.

[@nicolebrown1927]

He a big ol punk!🤬

[@JustAWestCoastGal]

This was incredibly powerful to watch. Thank you for sharing this with us. To the facilitators that work with abusers, you ARE making a difference and you're amazing. To the men that participated, thank you for being vulnerable and facing accountability for your actions... as the leader said towards the end, we talk about the negative power and control that men have in families and relationships, but think of what an amazing difference they could make when it is used for good, to be a loving father, husband and to lead by a positive example. I wish we had (and hope to see) more programs/groups like this for abusers to work through their anger (actually fear) and truly change... it is possible.

[@makepeacelily5205]

These men are weak. Their weakness manifests in frustration, anger, and abuse.

[@Ishtanara]

Absolutely correct

[@shimmskoopelian1218]

Abusive men have complete different languages to the normal human. Love means possession and ownership. They're not abusive cause they're angry they're angry cause they're abusive. It's rooted in entitlement. That's why it's mainly or only their partners and children who are harmed. It's not low self esteem either, it's too much esteem for themselves. They can change but they won't. Residing at a women's shelter as I write this.

[@shimmskoopelian1218]

@Katie I am sorry for your loss. Sounded like he had some real issues. Just know it wasn't your fault and I hope you're getting the support you need to get through this devastating time

[@tracie2741]

Wanting to change, to stop the violence and fear is something that these men should be proud of. Breaking the cycle of domestic abuse is hard. My question to all men who abuse their wives is. What would you do, how would you feel if a man did to your daughter what you're doing to their mums. How would you feel if your sons were arrested for hurting or even killing their wives or partner because they grew up thinking it was normal because of how they saw their dad's beat their mother

[@nicolafigini784]

A very interesting documentary. I was cynical at first about the likelihood of some of the participants making any progress, so it was very encouraging to see them gradually engage and start to self-reflect.

[@giveadoggyabone1]

Wow those counselors are miracle workers! The end result gave me chills, so proud of those men!

[@jettsetgirl]

Sasko, the one who Punched his son strikes me as a narcissist, The guy with the young son on his Motorcycle I believe has the MOST hope, Hes been in jail I'm sure has seen a lot but for a Man like him to seek help is a BIG Deal..When the lady told him you've done a good job he cried, he looked like a young boy that was praised by a teacher, I suspect he didn't get a lot of praise or love as a child- I hope he continues on the path of healing...But Sasko I do not trust , he strikes me as a sociopath he says what he thinks they want him to say

[@D-me-dream-smp]

Yes you can tell he truly didn’t think his behaviour was wrong nor was he genuinely motivated to change. Typical pattern of being the victim and blaming others for their actions.

[@glyko86]

Totally agree with you. His tears look fake.

[@anguslaws9756]

I personally hate Nathan compared to the rest, when he mentioned it didn’t matter if it was his mother or his wife he hurt I just wanted to smack him in his arrogant face.

[@mushialcivar7400]

I don't agree. When he was talking about how the fear of his family towards him, I felt he was truthful

[@deborahnieling2315]

No I had that feeling about Nathan, he is a narcissistic and violent Dude! When he got challenged in the group you got a glimpse of how he reacts at home... 100 times worth, wow that was terrifying!

[@gabe-po9yi]

Years ago, two male psychologists is Atlanta, Ga, USA, started a domestic violence therapy group called Men Stopping Violence. One of the therapists was a former abuser. Judges were mandating offenders to attend the group. More of these groups run by men are needed.

[@sonjam314]

Thank you for such a wonderful group you both run and teach!!! There needs to be many more of these kind of support groups all around the world and I pray they are run like this ❤️❤️❤️

[@TinyTinaTeaParty]

We need stuff like this program in America and Canada. I’m sure there is but not enough. I’m so tired of the abuse continuing. There’s far to many women being abused. Almost every woman meets one, I refuse to meet another.

[@tellthestoryphotography-th7216]

Why even GET MARRIED? Why be in a relationship at all if you hate them enough to hurt them? Leave THE FIRST TIME. NO excuses.

[@jettstap]

People are kidding themselves if they think these abusers can change they can’t and you can’t fix them get away and don’t look back get some where safe where they can’t get near you and severe all contact

[@riaannesimoens]

This is magnificent. This is actual healing. And it will prevent heaps of trouble for generations to come.

[@KathyBryne]

It's sad to live with a man who you love dearly and you see so much potential in them but yet they are so angry and bitter and negative and just flat out know that they need help and refuse.

[@wokenmillennial]

"He choked me until i almost blacked out - thats when i knew - i left my children with him as they are older i knew he would not hurt them" - im sorry - What? 🤷🏽‍♂️

[@beepot2764]

My dad was 2 different people til the day he died. My dad and Nate.

[@debraparker833]

There are no winners in this situation. The children will forever be traumatized. If you have anger issues, seek counseling as one then as a family. Maybe this is the last option to save the family. Family is God’s greatest gift. It’s delicate and precious.

[@jennifergraceh]

Beautifully stated

[@rubytuesday5412]

I'd love to see a follow up on these guys.

[@CherieDeDieu]

I have observed in my professional life that most violent men come from violent homes. We need to realize that our children SEE what we do more than they HEAR what we say; so we better show good examples at home.

[@MrBobbo18]

Scared little boys thinking they are men. Anger is just the outside expression of fear.

[@lindaschwab4665]

I don't believe they can change, they need to all live with each other and feel free to be assholes...to each other.

[@MrLisa35]

I would never trust a violent guy domestic abuse should not be excused and forgiven let them rot

[@elenamonteagudo9855]

Exactly 🙌

[@rainbows9060]

Fair play to these men for having the courage to look at themselves and challenge their beliefs and behaviours, group therapy is not for the faint hearted.I wish them and their families all the best!

[@Leishalynn]

This is a fantastic documentary.

[@momofmany9954]

My husband grew up in a domestic Violence and alcoholic home. I didn't know too much in detail of his past. I have zero tolerance for abuse of any form and made it clear that I would not tolerate it. We have been together for 15 years and married for 12. We are expecting our 5th child together and I can proudly say he has never ever lifted a hand to me once or has drank alcohol. I'm so proud of him for not wanting to continue his father's cycle of abuse and alcoholism. He's a great dad and partner.❤️