Hong Xiuquan & The Taiping Rebellion: The Chinese Christian Rebels who got 30 Million People Killed

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💬Learn about The Taiping Rebellion, Hong Xiuquan, Yang Xiuqing, the God-Worshipper Society, God's Chinese Son, Taiping Civil War, the Taiping Heavenly Kingdom and the humanities at large with CallMeEzekiel in this fun and informative video presented in the Polandball/Countryball style.

[@CallMeEzekiel]

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[@alvinlin8140]

What were the songs/soundtracks in this video?

[@keannoxyrenceesquivel2349]

​@alvinlin8140 Yreah that would be good

[@AoH_player]

​@@keannoxyrenceesquivel2349agreed

[@akumaking1]

Can you talk about Korea in the future?

[@AnarchistPole]

Hey can you pls do the January uprising by any chance it fits with the time zone 1863 - 1864

[@deathroy237]

Ah yes, the Taiping Rebellion. Also known as my favorite historical schizo post.

[@genericyoutubeaccount579]

"Take your meds, Schizo" "No."

[@Boretheory]

@@genericyoutubeaccount57930 quadrillion deaths followed

[@captaintitus4637]

Imagine if Jesus found out what his "brother" did

[@Ipolitelyaskyoutodie]

✝️

[@jamesabestos2800]

Where's the cross emoji?

[@islandiareykajik3683]

This is why asian parents are so obsessed with their kid`s success. No one, wants another Taiping Rebelion.

[@JeroenDoes]

But obsessing with success is what started the entire rebellion.....

[@islandiareykajik3683]

@@JeroenDoes Makes sense but, they could have double down on it.

[@keannoxyrenceesquivel2349]

​@@islandiareykajik3683fr

[@NightPhoenix.Y]

​@@JeroenDoeslooking at the Qing? Nah

[@jimmyalfonda3536]

*Asian kid fails math exam* Morgan Freeman: "And so, it was set in stone. The road had been paved to destruction and doom, and millions of unsuspecting victims did not realize that by failing his math exam, Johnny Chin would go on to be the Pol Pot of tomorrow."

[@FarscapeSDC]

Chinese history be like: "I failed my government entrance exam." - *100 million civilians perish*.

[@Aquelequedesconhece]

Austriam painters:

[@def3ndr887]

And don’t even get me started on military personnel losses

[@passionfruit7617]

@@Aquelequedesconhece at least only 60 mil died because of Austrian painter

[@pogo8050]

Literally

[@yipeng2756]

真正的原因是民众生活困苦，很多人愿意跟着洪秀全造反。而不是洪秀全没通过科举考试导致的。当时的社会矛盾迟早会爆发一场巨大的起义。

[@vibechecker3168]

Europeans: Hooray! A Christian China! Hong Xiuquan: Yeah I’m the brother of Christ! Europeans: *record scratch* say what now

[@Kaiserboo1871]

Ahhh, heretical Christians, truly the worst form of Christians. Heretics burned the Library of Alexandria and as seen led the Taiping Rebellion.

[@kyleplatter8954]

Brother, get the flamer… The HEAVY flamer

[@kingofcards9]

Calling them christian is a bit of a stretch when you actually see their beliefs.

[@PossessedPotatoBird]

Exactly my thoughts. I’d love a Christian china, a disappointing he ruined it with his pride

[@magmat0585]

@@kyleplatter8954 Suffer not the mutant, the heretic, or the xeno.

[@Ultravenom1]

Its so interesting that Hong had his own Judas, but he killed him.

[@alexandrub8786]

The wisest men learn from other's mistakes.

[@keannoxyrenceesquivel2349]

​@@alexandrub8786ahhaha

[@nathanseper8738]

@@alexandrub8786 Well, he did study the Bible and took out the parts that were wrong.

[@spiffygonzales5160]

​@@nathanseper8738 The parts he didn't like. Not the parts that were wrong.

[@JRAS_]

ive seen enough, this confirms that Hong really was the brother of Jesus

[@nathanseper8738]

Hong Xiuquan: I failed my entrance exam, so I tried world domination. Some Austrian Dude: We've all been there, buddy.

[@somehistorynerd]

Some angry Kaiser: “Yeah man”

[@CliffCardi]

Some bearded Cuban: “I know what you mean. I could’ve been a pro pitcher if the MLB didn’t turn me down.”

[@captaintitus4637]

This generation really has gone soft

[@ObliviAce]

Some 5'6 corsican: Please, try harder...

[@nathanseper8738]

@@captaintitus4637 Yep.

[@sampark1670]

The Qing has fallen, millions must worship the brother of Jesus Christ

[@Ttegegg]

I had a dream with Jesus. He looked displeased

[@CliffCardi]

The East has fallen

[@keannoxyrenceesquivel2349]

​@@Ttegeggoh no

[@enclave1165]

Low key based

[@hazardouscube0878]

*billions

[@CliffCardi]

To think none of this ever would’ve happened if they just let Hong Xiquan pass his exams. Reminds me of another guy who ended up killing millions because he was rejected from School.

[@keannoxyrenceesquivel2349]

Adolph Hitalah

[@nathanseper8738]

Stay in school kids, or you're become a violent revolutionary maniac.

[@dickinwurfer]

​@@nathanseper8738Wish if someone told me that earlier...

[@keannoxyrenceesquivel2349]

@@dickinwurfer hahaha

[@nathanseper8738]

@@dickinwurfer Snort snort.

[@gamelirian4395]

"The East has fallen, MILLIONS MUST PRAISE THE LORD!"

[@keannoxyrenceesquivel2349]

✝️✝️✝️✝️

[@sparky4405]

That’s pretty based ngl

[@supercat4539]

I’m impressed at how many Chinese always die in a conflict but still stay the most populous nation in the world.

[@cubeman22]

Rice field spawning zones

[@moskaumaster1594]

Because you have it backwards china doesnt have a large population despite its massive war casualties, it has massive war casualties because of its large population

[@keannoxyrenceesquivel2349]

​@@cubeman22respawn points fr

[@nathanseper8738]

@@moskaumaster1594 It is shocking China can have millions of casualties and it isn't even a fraction of the population.

[@Pantsinabucket]

@@cubeman22rice produces ~40% more calories per acre than wheat, supporting significantly larger populations especially because China’s climate is one of the most hospitable. The Tang Great Canal made them even more overpowered by alleviating famines when one hit either half of the country.

[@socialistrepublicofvietnam1500]

The most unrealistic part of this is that his Asian parents actually supported his alternate career paths even after he failed a major exam

[@notani3533]

I felt like every person who failed the imperial exam either being forgotten or ended up leading a rebellion.

[@casteddu6740]

Chinese Guy: > Fails test > Starts bloodiest conflict in the history of mankind, so far Austrian guy:

[@SOS_JA]

>Kicked out of Art school >Goes into politics >Conquers all of Europe >Gets defeated >Kills himself

[@marcobonesi6794]

not even Mao was so wild

[@gerardomartinez3920]

Mao did not fail an exam four times

[@marcobonesi6794]

@@gerardomartinez3920 mao was not able to declare himself the younger brother of jesus.

[@jonathancampbell5231]

Mao wanted to start a global nuclear war in the belief that China was the most populous country in the world and thus at least some Chinese would likely survive one, and since China was Socialist that would mean Socialism would win the Cold War.

[@sakurakou2009]

​​@@marcobonesi6794he declare himself successor of karl marx and new leader of communism, creating maoism 😂

[@savioblanc]

He did inspire the Chinese Communists and Mao tbh

[@willimberg7795]

Crazy how much influence one person can have ✝️

[@michaelthayer5351]

A little cheeky having Hong's older brother holding the Lance of Longinus, you could poke an eye out with that thing.

[@TheDoctorFromArknights]

Hey what would happen of we threw that to that red mech over there?

[@NosferatuandFriends]

You: "My brother in Christ" Me, a Chinese intellectual: "My brother is Christ" ✝✝✝

[@Gugs-qd4zf]

“Hong, the Holy Bro”

[@Bluepizza1684]

The Father, The Son, The Holy Spirit, and the Holy Bro

[@nathanseper8738]

HAHAHAHA!

[@Azraeltheangelofdeath]

I like the fact that Shi Dakai is the only one of the generals to actually have more than two brains cells to point out infighting is detrimental when they're in the middle of a war with an enemy garrison is camped outside your capital

[@El_Presidente_5337]

Everytime I learn something about the rebellion it is just so crazy from start to finish. ✝

[@klemklemius5091]

He cant keep making so good videos!!!! 😭 Top tier as always.

[@keannoxyrenceesquivel2349]

Agreed

[@ApostleOfDarkness]

You have realise that Sun Yat Sen is also a Hakka and was inspired by the stories of the Taiping Rebellion when he was growing up

[@akshatprakash871]

And so was Deng Xioping.

[@ApostleOfDarkness]

@@akshatprakash871 that bit is unclear but we do know that the Politburo were about 50% Hakka by then

[@axelNodvon2047]

He's Cantonese han Chinese not hakka

[@lolasdm6959]

Hakkans were too based.

[@fredleung616]

@@axelNodvon2047 He was half-Punti, half-Hakka, born in the midst of the Punti-Hakka war

[@teeby2037]

average chinese conflict be like “minor rebellion, 45 trillion dead. half canibalized”

[@TheBoss10725]

I hope this goes all the way into Puyi’s story, Manchukuo and Puyi’s life after everything. It’s an amazing story

[@Pan_Z]

Admission test failures have started the two deadliest wars in human history.

[@quirinoguy8665]

Literally proof that the education system is fucked.

[@noahjohnson935]

fun fact, one of Hong Xiuquan's early teachers was either a Baptist or a Methodist from America (I forget which, exactly) and the God Worshipper Society was a lot like American Evangelical Protestants

[@robertortiz-wilson1588]

Yes

[@SentinelPrime675]

That says a lot

[@qjtvaddict]

That explains why he was so bloody nuts it’s the religion of lunatics

[@ScarletPhoenix0]

the baptist refused to baptise Hong because... obviously. also i dont remember evangelicaism resulting in the death of 20 million people

[@magni5648]

And this, kids, is why chinese governments get extremely twitchy when they see organised religion getting involved in politics.

[@George-W-bush-21y]

The fact they were more stable than the qing which is wild

[@PossessedPotatoBird]

God is good ✝️✝️

[@keannoxyrenceesquivel2349]

​@@PossessedPotatoBirdall the time

[@imimlet6350]

the kenshi music is so fitting considering the similarities between heavenly kingdom and the holy nation. probably wouldve ended up like the hn if they won too

[@Sucullentbutter]

Fuck the holy nation, all my homies hate the holy nation. - this message was brought to you by the united cities

[@awesomehpt8938]

Ah yes that time when china went completely bonkers and had the most bloody civil conflict in history

[@shawngilliland243]

Thank you for the superb presentation, CallMeEzekiel! I do wonder how the CCP handles this religious revelation from Hong Xiuquan in the school curricula of the People's Republic of China.

[@ProbsNotLiam]

Only people who watched his stream from like 2 months ago expected this, he gave us a hint and I’ve been waiting for it

[@fullmetaltheorist]

Not gonna lie, this is my favorite war. Its so weird and crazy.

[@SentinelPrime675]

*Chinese History Be like* >man fails imperial exams >Has a fever dream >Proclaims himself brother of Jesus *30 Million People Perish*

[@lordedmundblackadder9321]

Honestly I think the most fascinating thing about the Taiping Rebellion is asking what the FUCK would the world have been like if it succeeded.

[@falconeshield]

No communism in China

[@DIEGhostfish]

This was one of my favorite bits of any of the Flashman books.

[@grape3964]

When I first heard of this rebellion, I thought it was just a lot of really angry writers

[@gopherasoda2492]

It would be wild if this is how China became a superpower ✝️

[@PossessedPotatoBird]

Yea, even if he wasn’t the “brother of Jesus” it doesn’t matter. China would be Christian and would follow God. I suspect the only reason it failed and was without Gods support to be because of him claiming to be the brother of Jesus

[@keannoxyrenceesquivel2349]

​@PossessedPotatoBird yeah, if he was ACTUALLY the brother of Christ, maybe he could've just kept it a secret and win the rebbelion first.

[@atari947]

most who fought wouldn't have been Christian.

[@The_Romanian_Terror]

When the deadliest conflict in human history is started by a dude having a bad trip

[@Howlingburd19]

In all seriousness, the Taiping Rebellion is one of the most interesting yet crazy wars ever!

[@robertdragan2333]

Very interesting how the Taiping basically collectivised the agriculture and created kind of a proto communist state

[@alwexandria]

>Sparks chinese nationalism >Sparks chinese communism at the same time >Refuses to elaborate >Loses the war, dies

[@CantoniaCustoms]

@@alwexandria "you can kill the man, but not the idea"

[@VelvetMagician]

@@CantoniaCustomsV for Vendetta ?

[@1nwb-4dnws]

​@@VelvetMagician Vendetta is hyponym, the hypernym or umbrella term is resistance idea in this case. Or ideology can't be killed as long as people remember the idea

[@sollrandomguy]

Nice video, man! oh, also, after this I highly suggest you do the Paraguayan war.

[@ziggytheassassin5835]

Dude even had his own horus heresy

[@franrobert80]

✝Viva Cristo rey✝

[@kingofcards9]

Amen.

[@lorefox201]

Amén!

[@PossessedPotatoBird]

Amen

[@radec5437]

Amen

[@davorminic9070]

Amin

[@thenamesianna]

Imagine how concerned was Hong's family when they heard of his visions and his new identity.........

[@IMPORTADOZAPOPAN-zq3oh]

This video is too good to have so little views, i don't care if it's only been 10 days, this artstyle is too clean and good

[@oldchannelnotusedanymore]

Imagine if he was actually the second coming of Christ but he lost 💀

[@keannoxyrenceesquivel2349]

Imagine he won 🗿🍷

[@oldchannelnotusedanymore]

@@keannoxyrenceesquivel2349 lmao

[@HawkThunder907]

That would be... bad to put it gently.

[@oldchannelnotusedanymore]

@@HawkThunder907 because he lost?

[@HawkThunder907]

@@oldchannelnotusedanymore yes. But he's most likely not Jesus's brother or anything godly. Just a pastor.

[@PossessedPotatoBird]

Rooting for the heavenly kingdom NGL

[@keannoxyrenceesquivel2349]

If only they won

[@nalanhazzard]

Hoping you would cover this the taiping rebellion deserve more Attention

[@ktk44man]

Hearing the Kenshi Track at 19:15 was a welcome surprise. i see you Ezekiel you feckin nerd

[@mohitk1652]

✝✝✝✝✝✝✝ THE WORLD HAS TO KNOW THE TRUTH!!!!!!

[@SOS_JA]

30 Million people would like to disagree...

[@keannoxyrenceesquivel2349]

​@@SOS_JAahahhaha

[@enclave1165]

@@SOS_JA🤓🤓🤓

[@quirinoguy8665]

@@SOS_JA Small price to pay!

[@nazmiozsemir]

The eastern was fallen ,million must worshipping the Lord.

[@normalplayer7377]

Can't wait for the Boxer Rebellion.

[@stateofflorida5082]

We finally found him. Gods drunkest driver; Hong Xiuquan

[@normalplayer7377]

One of the best chapters in Chinese History.

[@parkertitle1923]

Modern high school students after failing: Dagnamit i need to try harder. Some random Chinese man after failing:

[@nickorlando2388]

It's wild to think that while this was happening in China, Ireland was still reeling from the potato famine, the US won the Mexican American war, and Otto Von Bismarck became a statesman in Prussia, the 1800s were crazy

[@yipeng2756]

The United States is in a civil war(1861-1865)

[@Yes-vx2un]

Y'all ever find something you didn't know about, think it's fake because of how weird it is, and then get proven wrong?

[@smokedwater1325]

✝️ THEY MUST KNOW!

[@AsymmetricalCrimes]

Nice of you to add music from Kenshi! Love that game.

[@Yeshuaisthetruth33]

And hundred years later one guy who failed to enter a art university, did kind of the same thing 💀💀

[@neonx5233]

hahahahahahah😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@comradeblin256]

Look, i know Zheng He the muslim chinese were pretty good, but Chinese jesus is absolutely the BASED and the GOAT.

[@keannoxyrenceesquivel2349]

Ahhahaah

[@hmm2206]

amazing video

[@AlexSaysHi2013]

Just started a class on Late Imperial and Modern China, perfect timing!

[@icecold1805]

20:25 I see what you did there. Or rather, I hear what you did there with the music.

[@Т1000-м1и]

The patreon prices: Poland < Germany < Russia < horse Which actually makes a lot of sense

[@Liqinmite]

Epic video

[@alertedanemone7]

Bro that fact that he had the dream/vision and it wasn't just some random crap is interesting. Makes you think that maybe it is a vision (although I know how the rebellion ends so idk..)✝

[@robertortiz-wilson1588]

​@@svevskyyes

[@samr6739]

Alright now im thinkng boxer rebellion and 55 days at peking

[@u06jo3vmp]

If Hong Xiuquan won, he would basically became the Chinese Muhammad, and the Baishangdijiao would not be considered a Christian variant but like Islam, an Abrahamic but completely separate religion. And thus the Abrahamic religions would dominate the whole world except India and Japan. The Baishangdijiao dogma is actually a lot more interesting than "Hur dur I'm Jesus' brother". They believe the ancient Shangdi(上帝, "lord of the up") that was worshipped in ancient China (like, Shang dynasty oracle bone ancient, 3000 years ago) were the same being as Yahweh. But as time went on, the Chinese became corrupted and started worshiping idols and their own ancestors instead of Shangdi/Yahweh/God. Finally when Qin Shi Huang united China and considered himself greater than 王(king), so he invented a new term for himself, the Huangdi (皇帝, emperor). It's like a giant "fuck you" to Shangdi, so he abandoned the Chinese and went blessing the west instead. If you notice the Qin dynasty started about 200 years before Jesus' birth, you can kinda see how he formed this reasoning.

[@washfish6483]

nah lets not bring back shangdi. The last time we had shangdi, there was the taiping rebellion, and the time before that, we had human sacrifices.

[@aloha.teacup.surfer]

Gotta support ✝️

[@bigj1905]

Western Nations: “Oh cool, a Christian movement in China is gaining popularity, let’s go check it out!” Hong Xiquan: “ *I AM THE SON OF GOD AND THE BROTHER OF CHRIST!* *I HAVE BEEN SENT TO THIS WORLD TO PURGE THE MANCHU DEMONS, A BRING ABOUT A NEW CHINESE ORDER!* ” Westerners: “……..uhhhh.”

[@dannewman8809]

I still cant belive this is a canon event

[@ericmarley7060]

Leaving a comment for our boy, ✝God's Chinese Son, Hong Xiuquan.

[@AltbinariesPPK]

The Taiping rebellion: When Xavier Renegade Angel became reality

[@cgt3704]

When you fail the civil service exam four times: Guess i"ll revolt

[@pc_suffering6941]

Can't believe you used a Longinus spear from Evangelion 😂😂

[@kitsunehistory]

China: S-Source? Hong: In my dream...

[@das_III]

"i made it the fuck up"

[@EnclaveStormXL]

I like your vids I like how u use country balls too

[@fellerfellas]

✝️ The people must know

[@lostconstruct1008]

19:04 IS THAT FREAKING KENSHI MUSIC

[@lemunt4906]

Ah yes, Hong the harrowing habitual heroine hoarder

[@Jaykeiz]

Man, I didn't think the Gaokao was that deadly.

[@Packless1]

2:47 ...is that a 'NGE-Longinus-Lance'...? 😁😉

[@Baldwin-iv445]

I can't help but wonder how modern Chinese Christians think about this.

[@DancingTWsFrogs]

Modern China is an atheist country, and Christians make up a very small proportion of the Chinese population.

[@natefish3989]

Isn't it funny when those wacky senerios you make up in your head end up being real Chinese history

[@CBTenthusiast-lc6sn]

anyone else imagining him as a Chinese joseph seed from far cry 5?

[@jesuscastillo7318]

Playing eu4 while watching this got me a scared for a single second.

[@kyleplatter8954]

SMH, everyone knows to disable the taiping rebels when playing China, resets my modernization every single time.

[@alwexandria]

Just switch to them lmao

[@spacesatan5840]

That time when asian christians went hardcore

[@tuaninhanh7985]

man, the tw3k ost really fits for some reason

[@BarBokhva]

6:29 I like the Three Kingdoms Total War OST in the background.

[@dclark142002]

Soon...the Ever Victorious Army...

[@squeaky206]

If they only helped their Taiping foes against their Manchu and foreign masters to truly see the Mandate of Heaven pass to the Brother of Christ.

[@DoubleU-nu5tq]

In fact, from Wendigoon's knowledge, Jesus did has siblings, but they turned their backs on him because of jealousy. So in fact it gave credence to Hakka claiming the Vatican was infiltrated by "Devil-Dogs" especially with how they played their cards throughout history. And who they supported, Hakka was pretty much right about it all.

[@liarwithagun]

It wouldn't surprise me if whoever Jesus actually was had siblings. This shouldn't actually be a big contradiction to Christians because Christ is the son of God and Mary, not Mary and her husband. So Mary's other kids shouldn't really be all that relevant to sceipture.

[@My10thAccount]

@@liarwithagun The scripture never says that Mary had other children. It only says that Jesus had brothers and sisters. Generally it’s assumed that Joseph was an older man who already had children from a previous marriage and that he died sometime before Jesus’s ministry due to his lack of presence past the nativity. It’s taught that Mary herself was a perpetual virgin by the Church, who has the authority to decide on matters of interpretation like this. It’s also possible that the brothers and sisters of Jesus could’ve been other relatives, as the term for brothers and sisters was used much more broadly back in those days.

[@Nicknack_11]

✝️worshipping heavenly king,and heavenly brother jesus christ.

[@moneymandate]

The Taiping Rebellion is basically a path from a HOI4 mod that happened in real life.

[@HistoryMonarch1999]

You know after just finishing my midterms I can understand how this student went this far. Like yeah I’d also go mad and probably try to overthrow the government that class was bullshit

[@Bruuuuuuh4]

Only the real ones will remember the step brother thumbnail

[@redmedic1266]

When that sweet Kenshi soundtrack hits at 19:05

[@snuzzleberry8579]

Very epic