The Truth About Complex PTSD & Narcissistic Abuse

[@battlehymnoftheempath3610]

I am the child of a narcissist. The reason I feel it is impossible to entirely heal from narcissism, is because you know they exist. It is possible to prioritize other things, but the knowledge about their existence is something you can never erase. It has huge implications for how you view the world and your place in it. I prioritize my health now. Health is true wealth. I see how vain the human system is, and I want no part of it.

[@KittyPurry99]

I’m in hell with diagnosed CPTSD from 14 years with my Narc husband and his stonewalling and games trying to divorce and be free for almost 3 years. I already had PTSD from other huge traumas in my life. People DO not get what living with CPTSD is like or that it’s not just for the military. I can’t even start EMDR trauma therapy until I’m divorced as it’s dangerous to do the therapy whilst you are still engaged in ongoing trauma. My heart goes to anyone else living (or just surviving) with PTSD or CPTSD. If you are early on in a relationship with a Narcissist RUN. No matter what you try they will never ever ever change or be able to have a normal healthy loving relationship.

[@itsjust_Q]

I’m 20 years in and just starting to try to get away, wondering how your journey is going? I’m scared.

[@courage2breakfree]

These people have no care for the damage they do to individuals. It is all a game and a rush for them to destroy and break others. I am at a place where I want to heal and getting these people out of your life is almost impossible unless you take legal action. It sucks when you meet a narcissist who is a stalker. These people open my eyes to the evil in the world and they definitely carry demonic spirits. I pray I’m free from this soon so I can heal and use my platform to free others like you are doing.🙏🏼

[@taraarrington2285]

Yes narcissistic stalkers are the worst

[@LoriGirlTexas]

I have been diagnosed with C-PTSD. And wow does it fit. I'm dealing with all kinds of triggers. Fortunately, I have an incredible partner who is amazingly patient with me!

[@lindyc.2552]

You mention the illnesses caused by Complex PTSD and the associated hyper vigilence (esp. due to increased cortisol levels). I have been stuck in the fight or flight mode since early childhood. I am now in my early sixty's and married to a narcissist. In 2016 I ended up with a pituitary tumor! New research is showing a connection between early childhood trauma and later pituitary tumors. I have had trauma since early childhood. I have always been in a state of hyper vigilence. The result to me was a pituitary macro adenoma! It destroyed my pituitary gland. As a result I have been left with central hypothyroidism, secondary adrenal insufficiency and adult growth hormone deficiency. So the physiological damage to the brain from prolonged trauma, sustained hyper vigilence and stress is REAL and can indeed be very, very serious!!!

[@yvonnemassey7262]

My heart went out to you reading this.

[@lindyc.2552]

@@yvonnemassey7262 You are very sweet! Thank you so much. But, I am coping pretty well. And like everyone who has health challenges, I really try to stay positive and find joy in looking at the blessings in life and not focusing on the bad...So, I am doing pretty well. Thank you so much for your kind reply.🥰

[@shanice589]

I’m currently in the hyper vigilant stage. As a child I was the same so jumpy, it used to be a joke about how jumpy I was. Even today I was trying to relax in the park and any random noise made me jump. I’m also finding it hard to sleep and I can only do work at night because it’s quiet and there isn’t any noise. I have all the symptoms listed and I’m working so hard to heal.

[@libbylalala]

I need a pill to sleep. I used to need a pill to function at all

[@amanda0639]

Your a blessing. As I sit up distracting myself from going to bed till I'm "tired". The amount of people who have had ahh haa moments with your words must be insane. I've never heard ANYONE speak of these exact things that I'm dealing with. Bless you I wish I could hug you right now! Doctors don't even like to mention ptsd they will say you have anything but. I had to do my own research to find ptsd definitions and let me tell you it fits wayyy better then anything theyve suggested.. I've had the worst two years. He was able to abuse me and scare me to the point I was hospitalized(as in I ran with the emts that came by to "check" on me after he destroyed the house in one of his rampages, narcissist can be very jekl and Hyde, quickly turn on you for no reason and become violent.. yet I had so many excuses for him(that he had told me of course) Yet he left me, I'm talking complete abandonment in a hospital he locked me in based on lies made up by him. I was so trusting and forgiving, I tried to be the Christian loving wife. He used me, abused me, then discarded me. I was so scared of him.. shaking and crumbling In front of him, he was violent as well but sooo emotional abusive. The manipulation and blatant lies happened more and so exaggerated at the point when he was trying to burn all bridges and turn everyone against me including doctors. Instead of "PTSD", "fear" or "anxiety" he lied and made up stories about me. He got me put away and all those doubts he told me about myself all the grief turned towards myself and everyone just believed him. I was so strong, confident, social smart and outgoing and he turned all that around. He tried to DISTROY ME. I think that was the whole goal. He had done that to his exs they just didn't last as long as me. He kept me till he used me up. I'm doing much better but still working sooo hard,, this is a long recovery sometimes but for those just getting out, IT GETS BETTER DO NOT GO BACK! Unfortunately they will keep hurting you, even after you separate. And I pray videos like this get out to those in the confusion stage, if you didn't know what a narcissist person was or know what was wrong with you, I UNDERSTAND. It took me so long to stop justifying him and lots and lots of therapy. This is the first narcissist specialist I've listened too.

[@amanda0639]

I should mention the two years is just the separation time, we were together 8. Eight very long years of ups and downs. Trust me I know what you mean if you "think" it's a fairytale it's all fake tho. Fitting the script to build your love but and two days later destroy you again. I can't tell you how many times he broke things, intimidated me,, punched holes in walls or doors and then left me crying and begging. Just to come back be great for a few hours and say all the things I wanted to hear. Then it wasn't even that he stopped saying anything productive sounding just knew I would take him back and show back up. Yet inside I'm hurting so terrible. My feeling of worthlessness got worse after we separated in that first year, his manipulation continued then he started breaking into my home, stalking me and continued to try to control anything I did. Going through courts with him has been a nightmare. He is capable of so much cruelty. Another video you said they become cold, hit that nail right on the head too. It's amazing the similarities Yet Noone openly speaks about this. First KZbin I've heard of with real knowledge I can relate too. I know you have a purpose. God must have sent this trial your way because he knew you would use it for good! I think you should be soooo proud to take your life experience and help others in this way!

[@rinawiththenina2190]

Omg as soon as you started talking about deviating your thoughts away because they’re too painful so your staying up till your literally nodding off literally made me burst into tears. I didn’t know why I felt this way I thought I was just crazy

[@omaarahfarooq7234]

Caroline, you are amazing. I stumbles across your talk where you are wearing a tracksuit and honestly it resonated with me in so many levels. I admire woman like yourself who help others in the same situation as it takes courage and power. I left the narc 10 days ago and he is in the public eye and so many ppl have told me to report him to the police as he works in the charity sector and is always on TV and his organiation helps abused children!!!! And I feel somewhat responsible for allowing him to continue his work knowing full well he is an abuser and takes drugs even though he regularly comes on BBC and social media talking about how to mot take drugs and mental health etc etc and he has celebrities as patrons for his organisation yet the abuse he inflicted on me was horrendous to the point I tried to take my life twice in 5 years and started self harming and ended up in anti depressants and didn't go out for almost a year to the point my friend literally removed me from his house because I was tried to take my life again. Your words are so inspirational and for the 1st time in 10 days of leaving him I cried listening to your talk especially when you said you'd sit in the bathroom scratching your legs..... Thank you for reaching out to people because you literally save lives. God bless you tenfolds x

[@tamarafryziuk774]

This is awesome content. I’m a nurse educator. I would love to know more on treatment. I have CPTSD and not only want to heal the trauma but help orhers

[@Loxias321]

Thanks for this. Everything you said describes how I've felt for years. I'm a week outside of breaking things off and I had my first therapy session. Your videos have helped so much more than anything else I've found online, so thank you very much.

[@immaculatedocnato2054]

In any narcissistic relationship, the victim needs to be emotionally detached from the abuser to avoid mental illness.

[@LightnLife3]

@desertmandan123 for me, my brain did it for me by my being in a protective bubble a lot of the times, which is dissociation, that Caroline mentioned. I'm at the tail end of a divorce right now. It's been taking longer than it should, and I shouldn't have been surprised! In any case, yes, divorce if you are able, or separate from the toxic person, if possible.

[@evemichael3850]

Note for future lol. But do you not think in the beginning they work so hard to gain your trust and love so obviously you wont be emotionally detached. But that also causes the paradigm once the victim leaves and discovers this, has to do longterm healing from cptsd etc too scared to bond or willing to attach to a normal or hopefully healthy relationship even using caution, the fear of trusting and having an emotional connection... even to a "healthy" person. Who the f*ck knows who that is now, cuz even someone being kind and nice at this point seems like a red flag once you've been duped and spending years healing... and back to being a "healthy" individual who finds it less hard to take its risks in (finding) love... it's a healthy thing to want to build healthy attachment, and its sad because we all deserve in a way to feel an emotional connection that is firm with certain individuals... So it's not that clever to say the victim should of not had an emotional attachment to the narcissistic then they can move on... be because if we knew it was a narcissist to start off with we would have never 'planned' on getting emotionally attached and entangled. Spiders web, once your caught, you cant say if you just knew it was a spider and didnt let yourself stick to its sweet honey dewed web...

[@oliviaswann4686]

I only think about the events once a year at the anniversary of moving down there near him, but I loop with anxious thoughts and have loads of triggers, shame and hypervigilance

[@tamikic88]

Croatia (Europe) here... This is SO very helpful. Thank you so much.

[@stephanietrubshaw6906]

I have all the symptoms you describe and was sat listening with my Jaw clenched until you said let it relax, it has become a habit I can’t seem to shake. When I realise I am doing it, I have to tell myself to stop and relax. I am in constant fight or flight mode and am really struggling to control this

[@kodigelker6338]

You described me to a T! I am especially detached, I’ve had so much trauma in my life my brain has just pushed it away. I feel nothing. All your symptoms you described I have. Doctors have just put me on so much medication.

[@chrissearcher3563]

Thank you, Caroline. Fantastic video. Everything you mentioned I had too. What's most amazing is to go back to your earlier videos and see how much you've changed! I am so very proud of you.

[@CarolineStrawsonHealing]

Chris Searcher Thankyou 🙏

[@robbinyarbrough2852]

I was married 28 years. Out right physical abuse was not in the relationship, but neglect contributed to physical elements. Like once, my ex husband put me on a green broke two year old horse and sent me across the road to ride in a field. Well the other horses were still in the pasture where the one was also. Horses are herd animals so the one I was one wanted to go back. A large truck came by and honked the horn - a big truck. The horse rared up numerous times. Fortunately, I was not harmed but could have been badly injured. I wasn't an expert rider like he was but trusted him. My ex left on vacations where he went horseback riding in an isolated area (hard to get ahold of) while I was pregnant. My second preg. was a high risk and he still went off.

[@debracheek1303]

I am the same way, if it want for my daughter I I wouldn’t leave the house. But still when I go out I’m ready to be home. I’m a year gone from him but in ugly court battle so it’s so raw still. He abuses me through his attorney. I said it this morning I feel like my nervous system is so messed up. I was like a prisoner for 6 years. We would get locked in our room he would t let us out. He would have dangerous fights were he hurt me badly all the time. I feel lost. And yes the littlest thing feels so big. Example I drove my daughter to daycare this morning and they are closed this week but I didn’t get the notice so I got so upset and panicked. Even when I found a sitter my body was still in a panic but the problem was solved. I have major flash backs and feel numb to. I hate this. I don’t sleep and if I hear a noise I get scared. I have 3 locks on each door. He tried to kill me several times and threatened it

[@samtonge3403]

Yes my ex the same stay strong..xxxx💔💔💔💔💔😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗😣🤗

[@stavroulavickymatzaras880]

This is my exhusband he was and is narcissistically abusive. I suffer every day. I believe that I am stuck in this relationship-complex ptsd. I have the brain fog, hyper vigilant, I shake sometimes. We have kids together one is almost an adult. I have had to deal with his abuse for 26 yrs. I do not know what to do, please help me. Thank you for your words and videos

[@victoriabrand2777]

My x is still stalking me and threatening to kill me (15yrs later). tense neck, shoulders and top of my back

[@kathpercy7941]

I can totally relate Caroline going through divorce totally isolated 30 years physically emotional financial abuse cptsd has overtaken my body all of my illnesses and more I have and still suffering endemetriosis toxoplasmosis bacteria becoming active due to prolonged stress eating away at my eye osteo arthritis digestive problems diverticulitis constant tightness in my neck and shoulders and stiffness are all trauma symptoms dr Gabor mate leading expert on trauma Thankyou for your contribution to healing ❤❤❤❤❤

[@cindylouwho5876]

Father was one, first husband was one, second husband was one. Their behavior were all different. Father was an abusive alcoholic to my mother and us children. First husband had PTSD really bad from Vietnam. VA couldn’t help him. Died at age 40 due to alcoholism. Second husband was just an a..hole! They all have passed on, but left me a total hot mess mentality. Although I was very independent and didn’t need any of them really. Just wonder why I was prone to attract that type of man. In retrospect, I think it was the trying to heal or fix them concept. Which I did try. But as expected…it didn’t work.

[@victoriabrand2777]

My triggers are auditory- sounds and things people say to me

[@samtonge3403]

Thank you so much

[@jomac6004]

So healling. X

[@samtonge3403]

Yes I was the same as my ex would kick in my back door and was standing over me with a knife kidnap my son and tryed to get full custody we got 5050 custody and I having seen my son since Xmas.. and I have to bring him. Back to court...they well ask you back make u fall in lo ve just to discard you don't let them their evil really they want u dependant on them they can't be t trusted.. its heart breaking especially if you love them. .Love yourself more it does get better not l8ving in fear....people who are stuck with there abuser leave..they well never ever c change they don't love you...no not cause your not good enough u well feel like that. It's not u it's them u put 100 percent into it relationship and they still not happy...leave it well only get worse trust me...sending love to the victims we have each other..if I could leave you can..

[@bethbrannon4043]

I HAD A BEAUTIFUL AND LOVING FAMILY!!!!!…….TRULY GRATEFUL IN THAT AREA!!!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️, BUT I TOTALLY REMEMBER EVERY BIIT!!!!!……EVEN WHEN DRUGGED!!!!!!!!🤣👺

[@alinaterinte8955]

Hi Caroline! Please, add me to your support group. Thank you for sharing all your experience with us!

[@sarahlouiseconnriff117]

I am suffering extremely badly from c-ptsd, bpd and what is oftenly “referred to” as Narc Abuse Syndrome. I was in for 17 years. From age 19, till 36. He was 35/36. I’m almost 40, he is 56 this year...!!! and I’m not healing 😓 or working out this ‘man’ that I share a daughter with 😪 I have fibromyalgia, lost my job. He took my other job. He took all my friends and god I’d need a chat 💬 how much do you charge x I’m absolutely desperate now. Just filed after 4 years separation. No financial support. Tried to take our daughter initially after he quit his very highly payed job. In the process he obtained 5/14 nights. He’s down to 2. I’m so alone. Mum has cancer and I’ve no one who can help me 😪😪😪 I need advice regarding the parenting especially x please reply x

[@colorado1love4life55]

666 Views- I see you are present, but do you see me....... #beautifUllybrOKen 30 years in this psychological warfare, but thank you Caroline. You're soul is glitter && your validation is so comforting, virtually. Ty ty ty!

[@SP-uj5jn]

Is it possible to be your client if I live in California, US? If so, how?? I have all those symptoms!

[@CarolineStrawsonHealing]

Yes it is. Drop me an email [e-mail]

[@SP-uj5jn]

@@CarolineStrawsonHealing I sent you an email and got no response.

[@CarolineStrawsonHealing]

Could you resend as I’m normally pretty good at getting back to people

[@victoriabrand2777]

I'm dealing with some really unique/ unusual triggers that are getting worse. It's operating like 'nails on a board' but i don't know where the original trigger came from or why it's still continuing. Is there a way to contact you please?

[@immaculatedocnato2054]

Are chronic insomnia, headaches and muscle pain signs of prospective PTSD?

[@CarolineStrawsonHealing]

Immaculate Nato yes potentially as your body is in a trauma response and excess cortisol

[@KittyPurry99]

Absolutely along with so many other symptoms.

[@jacobbradley7405]

Gang gang. Don’t give up guys I promise the b ain’t worth you’re time

[@debracheek1303]

How do I get added to support group

[@suzannelehavi1541]

I would like to be included in your group.

[@evemichael3850]

"Do you think if you would be going through a breakup you would be feeling like this?..." While mask drop disguard stabbing all your traumas and says hes breaking up and took you to a dark street corner to do it... you are shaking, begging - and him like see not only I'm exaggerating all my severe past trauma, see you're over reacting again "it's only a breakup"... and while there panick stricken and more feeling mad at myself why I'm "over reacting" it'll just prove I wasnt through worse in life and I cant take on some words or 'just a breakup'... (I mean I went through a divorce from an abusive arrange marriage before and never felt trauma bonded or shocked and broken somehow psychologically like this... - could understand why, he didnt hit me or overt name bullying- but beyond that did much more! .... I feel like I'm a liar and fault as (he made me think that too) that it was my fault I was feeling or physically reacting (cptsd) that way, I was "only getting triggered" when he continually jabbed me and it escalated, I held it in to not prove his theory I was unhealthy and I cant change, but that was a trick it seems to suppress to his behaviours, so when mask drop bomb came and breakup ... I was left exploding in myself why didn't I say anything why did apologise beg for the things that wasnt my fault and enabled him, thus making me look as the bad guy, nothing will come to light what he did cuz hes acting so calm and innocent and me wanting closure shock unspoken sudden stop wanting to come back to understand why he did what happened, stick up for myself (when its too late) all making me look like a codependent because he blocked me out cuz he wouldn't give me the chance to truly be listened to after he dropped ... keeping away suppressing it and not getting from him the answers caused me night terrors etc... then year later has the audacity after so many mind games and lies to say he distanced myself to make it easier for you (lazy hoover attempt) pfff are you kidding me? Can we sit down like two adults and talk through this and communicate "honestly" no mind games , lies , gaslighting, blameshifting, manipulative games... if he didn't get me to trust him so deeply made to feel so comfortable shared my traumas he got me to open up etc in the beggining I guess he wouldn't have full capacity to get so deep under my skin... but I never dreamt even if he would leave, get angry etc, stop so low to use my traumas against me and leave, with a gaping open heart still in love with him... then him making me look stupid and week, and constantly prodding that would like I dont need you, you're just mad in love with me and cant just "move on and let go" (priming me with such words even before so I tried showing more independence to please him and then started acting passive aggressive - the push pull) or say "look after yourself" when in other circumstances these such words wouldn't hurt, this was a dig at my unresolved weakness he caused in me. I mean even if I point out one of his obvious games of manipulation or lies (wont insert example right now) he'll be like what what?as if he doesn't understand and I'm the manipulative one. Sometimes he gives a certain look in the distance contemplating when you know a big lie or manipulation or something just very off meaning is coming. Please remember he seems overall from afar very humble stealthful quiet innocent meaning individual so it confuses even me and makes me even feel bad to say such things and think it must be all a mistake, if he can only tell me what he is hiding close to his chest, I never meant to upset him, maybe we could talk this through and have peace even if I or he did something in the wrong but can be sorted or excepted. .. but I always seem to be hitting a brick wall, and him proving me all I do is talk and not get over anything which isn't true, cuz he doesn't really involve or answer to his side (unless it causes confusion) it seems, to contribute to the conversation or make me feel I've just offloaded some stuff on deaf and on hearing ears, like literally make himself look like a victim "what do you want from me" just not to take accountability and do I seriously have to explain "some empathy"?... He didnt seem so complicated in the beginning. .. maybe that was when I gave him everything he wanted , basically. .. but even if I would now it wouldn't work, cuz he/I already know who he is. The trust is gone, angel come demon, comelion... how can he weave so many psychological mind games in every conversation as a longterm plan and short term behaviours how does a human even become that way? Even bullies generally use one tactick or two at a time, but narcissistic abuse is like an intricate tapestry of degradation, integration of your insecurities, sort term long term subtle words of confusion gaslighting, enmeshment...etc making you look as and framed as the psychotic one, especially if you are an honest person and admit to your faults and past traumas... it's crazy how after years later your mind and physical body from the hidden trauma cant tear away or stop...and you feel angry guilty and misunderstood when people say forget and move on, it was only a breakup when you are every second battling with it, or worse when you admit to having cptsd from before meeting him and your in the zone of defending the abuser and feeling guilty, that you should stay away from him because "you" weren't good enough for him, then feeling like you lost the one you once loved dearly was your faults and due to your flaws... and so the cognitive dissonance train goes...

[@Rueben7-q3r]

Thats what's happening to me right now , and I'm being made to look like the perpetrator I'm so devastated, thank you for posting

[@yvonnemassey7262]

I had a wonderful childhood, but seem to attract abusers

[@CarolineStrawsonHealing]

I thought the same but my father was very unemotional down my interpretation of that was I’m not good enough. It doesn’t mean you had a bad childhood, can mean you’ve interpreted behaviour in a certain way

[@yvonnemassey7262]

@@CarolineStrawsonHealing Thank you, my dad is that way, too, but he is very good to me and is always there for me, but I remember being jealous of my three cousins, whose dad was very affectionate with them.

[@oliviaswann4686]

Me too but my abusers were my bosses then I was r@ped by my boss' brother so got trapped that way

[@peterwhelan1996]

OMG

[@rh5776]

Unless you've been in battle, in war, and watched people blown to hell and dying, don't tell me about PTSD from a relationship. That's BS. Grow up.