Cave Johnson bought Black Mesa

Cave Johnson, new owner and CEO of Black Mesa. That's right, you've been bought. First order of business, we're renaming you under the Aperture brand. I'm leaning towards Blappeture Mesa. Marketing boys think something else. So: Blappeture it is.
Next, they tell me you people are conducting some anomalous materials research that could result in a resonance cascade. So I'm shutting that down before you idiots end the world. A resonance cascade! You're supposed to be scientists! Use some common sense.
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Made with Garrys Mod, Davinci Resolve and Paint.net.

[@someblooshampoo7957]

I love how despite it seemingly going against all logic, this is by far the best possible ending for the half-life/portal universe 😂

[@Twiddle_things]

Well, in one of them 😂 This dialogue is from the perpetual testing initiative

[@Vova94318]

Super cool vid! Thanks

[@wooshifgay462]

I mean it is technically possible, aperture probably was able to invent the portal gun before cave died, so cave would stop being exposed to moon dust and not die, the portal gun would make aperture ridiculously rich, considering aperture was already the most(or second depending or the decade) advanced science company(something like that) the portal gun would easily make aperture a very powerful and rich company, maybe rich enough to buy a government experimental physics facility

[@CaramelPaws]

@@wooshifgay462 the portal gun was invented before cave died, but it was a massive backpack during the time he was alive. (not sure when they made the switch to an easier held portal device tho)

[@wooshifgay462]

@@CaramelPaws I meant if aperture completed their aperture investmen opportunity inventions(Long fall boots, portal guns panels and turrets) before cave died, especially the portal gun

[@CornFarmer64]

Gordan is also fired for being constantly late

[@soda7998]

Well thats because the trains are FOCKIN SLOW AS FUCK so he'd probably make the tram go faster, 67% less late arrivals

[@fauresfaures4314]

@@soda7998 he would make the trais go mach 1 and incidentely kill dozens of employees

[@PV9000]

@@fauresfaures4314 all in the name of science

[@CornFarmer64]

@@soda7998 Hmm...Perhaps

[@kabob0077]

They're gonna need to put on a Hazard Suit before going to work...

[@WiseArkAngel]

The good ending: Cave Johnson doesn’t huff space rocks and prevents an alien invasion in New Mexico.

[@janis0zo]

And eastern Europe later

[@FunAngelo2005]

Yup

[@Spartan_Tanner]

the whole world

[@Spartan_Tanner]

@@cardiepie9157 damn they must've been biting gunships out of the sky then.

[@Manofpeas5639]

@@Spartan_Tanner Same for penguins in the South Pole.

[@JamVar]

The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world.

[@Mythraen]

But... this is more like the wrong man in the right place? Or maybe wrong man in the wrong place, and two wrongs do make a right by the principle of double negation.

[@connorshirt4523]

@@Mythraenif the wrong man id in the right place, then he is the right man in the right place

[@Mythraen]

@@connorshirt4523 That sounds wrong, man.

[@Golems_wrath]

​@@Mythraenhow do you know cave jonhson is a man? science also supports trans people and gender identity. How do you know cave identifies as a man. I personally think (and. I have scientific evidence ) cave WOULD MAKE A FANTASTIC WOMAN......XD😳💓😏🤪😜 yes I'm a scientifically literate trans and gener identity Ally XD but the joke i made was genius plus I'm not wrong. Cave jonhson would make a fantastic woman 🤣😉

[@Mythraen]

@@Golems_wrath For that matter, how do we know that Black Mesa identifies as a place? Maybe it feels more like a time. "The joke I made is genius." Well, at first, I didn't think so, but then you told me it was genius, and then I realized how wrong I was.

[@goldenmountain1024]

I love how even gman is confused 😭

[@BrickBusterVideo647]

Yeah his interview just got completely destroyed, now he’s got to change the timeline.

[@lisatroiani6119]

“wtf, you can’t change the timeline, that’s my job.”

[@lukestarkiller1470]

His whole mysterious plot just got thrown out the window

[@JetFalcon710]

Turns out screwing with the timeline had some unforeseen consequences after all

[@TheBreakingBenny]

He doesn't need to do anything there, this time.

[@demi-femme4821]

It says a lot that Cave Johnson has to lecture Black Mesa about safety when Aperture is such a nightmare in and of itself.

[@trianglemoebius]

Aperture engages in all sorts of dangerous stuff, but only towards people who have signed some kind of disclaimer or contract. They don't always go about it in the most honest ways (eg, the fact that they were putting lead in your chairs was at the end of a multi-hundred page document one had to sign), but ultimately the entire world hasn't signed off on anything.

[@nadiaplaysgames2550]

Here thing tho aperture portal tech far far ahead of black mesa so one the egg heads wait like "yeah that gonna fuck everthing up shut that down now"

[@oatjuice5921]

​@@nadiaplaysgames2550what the fuck are you even trying to say?

[@conit4125]

​@@trianglemoebius Aperture performs unethical experiments whereas Black Mesa performs dangerous experiments. Aperture: Bad intentions, good execution Black Mesa: Good intentions, bad execution

[@SmolBeamy]

​@@conit4125 Black Mesa literally has labs where they conduct experiments on living creatures from Xen, the most common fixture being devices that *vaporizes* anything alive in the room. The chapter in Half-Life is called Questionable Ethics. Are you sure Aperture is the only unethical company here?

[@PotatoPatatoVonSpudsworth]

For those unaware: This is official dialogue from Portal 2's Perpetual Testing Initiative. Somewhere out there is a universe where Cave Johnson saved the world from a resonance cascade.

[@NerdOnTheStreet]

I'm glad you and some other commenters provided that context, because I assumed this was one of those AI voice sketches before I read the comments. Knowing it's "real" makes it even better.

[@Iz4kiTiago]

🥸

[@tonyb3123]

Chariots.

[@AverageMichaelJordans]

I really thought it sounded AI-y, but it's got to do with how clean the recording is. For those who still think it's AI, you can check the portal wiki, this line is and has been there for a while.

[@EggsNbacon815]

bro couldn't find the emoji@@Iz4kiTiago

[@I_am_done_with_youtube]

He actually did something right

[@uppishcub1617]

When even Cave Johnson thinks what you're doing is dangerously atupid, you know you've fucked up

[@IcarusPanopticon]

G-man told Eli to prepare for unforseen consequences but was not prepared himself

[@davidbettcher8843]

Ha

[@soupcangaming662]

Ha

[@DarkstarArchangel]

I guess G-Man decided to "nudge" Cave Johnson with moon rocks.

[@someasiandude4797]

I would’ve thought he shut down anomalous materials because it sounded uncool

[@ItsChevnotJeff]

It rolls off the tongue though, Anomalousssss...

[@famus_tem8351]

"resonance cascade? Well, buddy, i don't know what kinda musical chairs you're doing but lets crush those materials up and turn them into a gel!"

[@nuxx1876]

and guess what!Ground up xen crystals are pure poison

[@dumpanimator]

But it seem like this liquid have special propourtion of being portal to mirror world

[@BrickBusterVideo647]

Honestly this would be the smartest thing for Aperture to do, sure they’d be drowning in debt, but the government buys from black Mesa, and that’s why aperture went bankrupt. If they buy the competition the government would end up giving them more than enough money to make up for the debt.

[@TheRoadstr]

If the government is the one paying them, then how would they be in debt to the government?

[@thespiffingamerican]

Would probably cause issues with monopoly laws.

[@BrickBusterVideo647]

@@thespiffingamerican I mean Cave Johnson could maybe let reality go naturally, and then single-handedly destroys the entire combine race so he can meet the Gman. Then the Gman would let him nudge reality like Alyx does at the end of HLA. Assuming he has a way to do all of that, but even having a portal gun puts the entire multiverse in jeopardy.

[@trianglemoebius]

@@TheRoadstr"The government" isn't one entity, it's a bunch of different agencies and branches. So, they owe Branch A money. Branch B pays them through Black Mesa, which they use to pay back Branch A. This is entirely legal, and actually a good part of the US debt is just between different agencies. It's called "Chain Debt". Imagine you have a frat house with seven guys (A, B, C, D, E, F, and G). Each owes the person alphabetically above them $100, for $700 dollars of total debt. However, if A gives B $100, then B gives C the same $100, and so on, all the say to F repaying G with the same $100 they began with. All $700 is cleared while only $100 is spent. Also, if G also owes A $100, then the money cycles back around and A gets his money back, meaning $700 was cleared with $0 spent.

[@conit4125]

​@@BrickBusterVideo647 he's Cave Johnson not Rick Sanchez, how on earth would he eliminate the combine?

[@DarkstarArchangel]

Interestingly, Cave Johnson is alive in the alternate universe/timeline (with the Portal 2 custom level commercial), originally he died of moon-rock poisoning. Also the Resonance Cascade was caused by one of G-Man's "nudges" by rushing the Black Mesa team (a member called "L.M.") to change the planned testing sample to the unstable "GG-3883" (a new sample) which also leads me to believe that Cave Johnson's death was also a "nudge" by the G-Man because Cave Johnson's death was way before Alyx Vance was born which is also before the Resonance Cascade. I guess G-Man wanted to make sure Cave Johnson didn't get in the way.

[@sahilhossian8212]

Otherwise GMan and his employers would have their powers so limited that their almost utterly powerless

[@Dorothy.Vivian]

I love how Gman was as surprised as the Blapature Mesa personnel.

[@Laqota]

I love how this could be lore accurate. Cave Johnson bought black mesa so Wallace Breen setup the anomalous material that was given by the aliens behind the Combine to merge worlds.

[@ItsChevnotJeff]

G-Man: Who the fuck nudged in the wrong direction? Eli: Oh thank god, I'll take him as our new boss over making everything go to hell anyday Freeman: *in his mind* I wonder if I can beat him at wrestling for the position as Admin...

[@uppishcub1617]

Ross Scott's Freeman would definetly get along with Cave, they operate on the same wavelength.

[@sovietunion7643]

god freeman wrestling for control of a company is something i would expect from team fortress so honestly yeah at this point just throw saxton hale at the combine homeworld and watch as he remakes the combine (through punching of course) to sell high grade weaponry and hats at a ludicrious price

[@ItsChevnotJeff]

@@sovietunion7643 Freeman was scheming from the very first episode on climbing the corporate ladder

[@sahilhossian8212]

Gman 3 hours later: my employers; Mr. Johnson bought Black Mesa there's nothing we can do😔💀

[@daleksaan935]

I imagined that in Ross’s voice.

[@somearmeddude7820]

For once someone got the microwave casserole.

[@WJINTL]

This brings up an entire new fan canon In 1996 Black Mesa's Anomalous Materials program triggered an FBI investigation and forced the US government to withdraw their funding of the entire facility under National Security. Aperture, a private corporation not publicly funded swooped in and bought up the place. 0:01

[@jackakakreanxx5587]

Did someone working at black mesa snitch, did an investigation journalist uncover the anomalous materials program and what it was or did something else happen to cause the fbi the investigateblack mesa?

[@reptiliannoizezz.413]

GMan be like "these are not the unforeseen consequences I was foreseeing..."

[@BrickBusterVideo647]

This is so accurate to his character

[@jhonsillosanchez8494]

I'm pretty sure this is actually official and it's just what happened on another universe

[@Purplesun_]

@@jhonsillosanchez8494It is. It's from all those lines he recorded for one of the multiplayer updates.

[@jendouglas9781]

Cave: shuts down the crystal test Gman: "This is where I get off." Leaves while giving Cave the middle finger

[@Hi_0wen]

Time traveler: sneezes The timeline:

[@Manofpeas5639]

He was able to stop the Resonance Cascade but he wasn’t able to stop the scientists from making all of New Mexico look like a PS2 video game.

[@gudmansal3468]

it was goldsrc doing that, the game universe caused that

[@Loner_Ken]

This is the good ending for both Portal and Half Life

[@Wise_Person]

the tiny "you can't be serious" one of the scientists says is perfect

[@FlareonGames]

I love the implication of Cave Johnson saving the world but failing so hard at his own company…. He has all this stuff to save earth, did save it in another universe, but Aperture is like the task he keeps procrastinating on to finish or make better…

[@Lbird1993]

This is great!

[@Corium1]

gman: "but my plan was fool proof"

[@sahilhossian8212]

Cave Johnson in this universe: "Checkmate, son of a bitch, now there's nothing you and the rest of the entire corporate hierarchy that you worked for can, did and/or will do" 🗿📸

[@jackakakreanxx5587]

Cave Johnson: “ha too bad it wasn’t genius proof! Not now Greg”

[@Hi_0wen]

I love how the G-man is like: Shoot, I forgot to kill that one person who bought a shower curtain…

[@forsagebone]

I love the implication that he'll do anything, even unethical shit, for science, but he draws the line on experiments that'll end the world.

[@MxArgent]

The cut to G-Man would be the perfect place for his cut “Well…Well *shit*” line from Ep1

[@Versanitybutreal]

Damn i guess there will be no half life 2

[@ItsChevnotJeff]

Half Life 2 is basically Portal 1 but with the Gravity gun and we're Gordon instead of Chell

[@zussman_]

@@ItsChevnotJeff what are you talking about 💀

[@icefreeza21]

@@zussman_ well i mean gordon might be sent to apeture since and he would be the test subject instead of chell

[@localsnek]

@@ItsChevnotJeff My brother in christ it's the other way around, Source was made for HL2 and Portal 1 runs on Source

[@sambull2621]

it’s for the best, the world was beyond fucked

[@FamusJamus]

"The right man in the wrong place can make all the diff-er-ence in the world."

[@jerrysgardentractorsengine2243]

“Well…. well shit. My employers will be most displeased when they hear this”- gman, probably

[@YishaiBarr]

Now Barney is more likely to give Gordon his beer.

[@Andrew90046zero]

This was amazing! XD Only missing detail is a bit of reverb to make it sound like it's coming from a loud speaker in the building.

[@TrekDelta]

G-Man is disappointed that Gordon Freeman is going to live a normal life. Like when Peter Parker did not want to be Spiderman in Spiderman 2.

[@dumpanimator]

Considering cave was one who bought it, i doubt it would be normal job

[@schfart]

blaperture mesa

[@gamingpanda7516]

Cave Johnson: I bought all of y’all mf Checkmate

[@LebbLebb]

Good ending

[@sneky215]

Cave Johnson would be the kind of person who would boost the anti-mass spectrometer to 250%.

[@alyx5491]

I love how this implies that Cave Johnson is a better scientist than anyone at Black Mesa.

[@ROLITO-G-243]

well... it's not for nothing that he managed to start a shower curtain company in one of the most revolutionary scientific companies of the time with technology that comes close to or even surpasses that of the combines (especially because of the portal gun that since its first functional prototypes were already better than the combined teleportation system)

[@alyx5491]

@@ROLITO-G-243 I was more thinking about the "responsibilties-of-controling-dangerous-materials" part. Cave would absolutly be onboard if you told him that the funny rocks would explode, possibly killing hundreds.

[@ROLITO-G-243]

​@@alyx5491Well... they wouldn't go that far if they didn't, would they? At least it doesn't measure up to the enormous list of things that Black Mesa did for the G-man to end up like this...

[@mikhailiagacesa3406]

Bravo! Been waiting for this since release of Portal 2.

[@BalanceHeroSMT]

Cave Johnson is a man of ridiculous ti-... standards that even Black Mesa's works made him end whatever they are doing.

[@lambdrey]

And that's how Freeman became a nobody.

[@Thesuree]

Cave Johnson says silly things, but he's smarter than a science team.

[@cynthiablackthorn]

Man I miss the multiverse maps made by blapature, they never finished it so the sorry is unfinished

[@sahilhossian8212]

Lore of Cave Johnson bought Black Mesa momentum 100

[@ChefPrownlos]

Dr. Rosenberg would love this outcome

[@margwa_slayer2972]

Cave johnson saves the world

[@soupcangaming662]

"Well... well shit." - The Government Man

[@damiencrossley7497]

You on the tram put that thing in reverse you're fired, parking lot good bye!

[@timmy6890]

Yknow you’ve done bad when Cave Johnson is asking you to use common sense

[@jdog2fifty]

i thought it would be the other way around

[@Azelf89]

"Well... There goes our grant money."

[@roalif]

and gordon isn't even clocked in yet

[@conit4125]

He's still on the tram

[@nixielad]

Only 15k views? This is great lol

[@RawbLV]

This is new and unfortunately Black Mesa has a little following

[@axllaw427]

"YOU'RE MAKING A DEAL WITH THE G-MAN, SO YOU CAN WATCH THIS ENTIRE WORLD DIE! THINK, BREEN!"

[@MisterJohnDoe]

I almost thought this was just going to be another AI video until I recognized the dialogue from the DLC or whatever.

[@GentelmanCrab]

He actualy sold the portal gun in this world

[@constipatedwonka8061]

Legends will know this is not AI

[@steamedtech]

Yeah thats how the real business work

[@satinsguard]

Elon Musk after buying Twitter.

[@1th_to_comment.]

Nah, he'd definitely be the cause of a resonance cascade.

[@conit4125]

​@@1th_to_comment. Gman is Elon confirmed

[@ikswezsal]

That last line coming from cave is so funny to me

[@Jekkin]

Finally, the good ending

[@turbopokey]

Dude, this is science we’re talking about here… there ain’t no common sense.

[@kirill9064]

Probably a universe close to Repercussions mod.

[@derpionderpson1424]

I mean… he’d probably just tell them to use more moon rocks…

[@TheRailfanThatGames]

Wait, is that the same voice actor as the one for Stanford Pines from Gravity Falls?

[@hkayakh]

Gman: “Oh… shit…….. looks like…. My boss is now…… cave johnson…..”

[@WinterGamesYT]

rare cave johnson smart moment??

[@SaturnSenshi3105]

This is genius

[@ImBadAtNames2876]

in an alternate universe were cave johnson is not in idiot but also calls out scientists for not using common sense

[@sahilhossian8212]

Gman: my employers; Black Mesa has been bought there's nothing we can do😔💀

[@ToxynCorvin8008]

Should do another one but end it with him demanding pictures of spider man

[@FormerlyEpicjcat]

When i watched a half life portal Video i was so confused Like this cave Johnston guy sounded annoying lol i played it and turned around

[@rebelsolution8524]

Cave Johnson: No more prepare for unforeseen consequences, no more government coverup, and no more seven hour war! I am going to prevent that! HECU Marine: Bastard. >:( Adrian Shepherd: Thank god. Black Ops: Tell me about it. :l Gman: Will see about that. >:( Vortigaunt: 😟

[@RealAdiyan2013]

Cave Johnson twitter announcement

[@caroline8590]

This is my favorite universe from the Perpetual Testing Initiative, because everyone probably gets a happy ending in this one! Except maybe Breen, but…you know what? Screw that guy

[@Your-local-wallhammer]

cave honson saved the world...

[@Meladoom2]

0:18 Gman looking at it thinking "what in the world..." made me laugh xdd

[@tanodz7635]

I think of Cave Johnson realised who G-Man he would somehow trap him and study him. A regular human on moon crack captures celestial entity that can time travel and stuff.

[@Paratithescum]

He save us

[@wadetata9108]

Atleast cave stopped the resonance cascade

[@harrynoodlemeyer4450]

Blapputure Mesa lab

[@rebelsolution8524]

At the end off screen. (Lights turn off). Cave Johnson: What the? Black Ops shows up and whack him out. Black Ops: .................. Why do we have to clean up his mess when he can't handle? Black Ops 2: Tell me about it, I just want to deliver the package and get out of here. Black Ops: Yeah sooner or later, Johnson will figure this one out.

[@russon1999]

The good ending

[@ianmitchell5979]

Where did you get this audio? I never heard it before, and I doubt it's AI.

[@jackmoseley4959]

Perpetual testing initiative

[@melvinschrab505]

Blaperture science!!!!!

[@masterseeker360]

gives of J. Jonah Jameson vibes

[@mrtrashyman9617]

Same voice actor.

[@ROLITO-G-243]

Generic scientist number 243 enters Cave Johnson's office scientist: "Excuse me Mr. Johnson? I come from Lamba laboratories to discuss the name change from "black mesa" to "blaperture mesa" (anyone follow the conversation in comments?)

[@sahilhossian8212]

Cave Johnson: yeah what about it?

[@ROLITO-G-243]

​@@sahilhossian8212scientist: The scientific team is dissatisfied with the new name, they think that "blaperture mesa" sounds ridiculous and they want to keep the old name of the facilities even if it is with the brand of "a subdivision of aperture science", what do you think about that?"

[@arcadegamer_official]

blapature mesa 😂😂😂

[@brauliorivera2564]

My theories on this timeline where cave johnson becomes ceo of blapeture Mesa after aborting a resonance cascade. Dr wallace breen becomes friends with cave johnson. Gordon and collete are now married and have kids of their own. Gordon is now a godfather of alyx. The combine never invaded are took over their planet. Chell is no longer a test subject. Glados was never selfish. After cave johnson passed away Caroline and wallace breen takes over blapeture mesa and tells the scientists and cores to do other projects and continue cave johnsons legacy.

[@thisguyweartieandcooking7347]

No way Cave Johnson is Elon musk

[@SwaggyG_2102]

Honestly, say what will about Cave Johnson, but atleast his when company screws up, its isolated and it doesn't lead to ALIEN SUBJUGATION.

[@G74]

Use some common sense. Says the man who drank 20 pounds of ground up moon rocks.

[@Sonicuandmariu1414]

bro legit saved everyone.

[@skalksensor]

bruth

[@Leadersaga]

it feels like an ai generated voice line and yet it's real

[@lmahu6627]

It's an official line; it's from the Perpetual Testing Initiative DLC (though it comes packaged with the game now).

[@Minecraft_1.0.16_explorer]

Despite the moron theory on him he saved the world anyways buying black mesa XD but the blaperture thing gotta go

[@_RTD]

Is this AI? Or some DLC trailer voiceline?

[@MatthewCampbell765]

It's from a DLC

[@_RTD]

@@MatthewCampbell765 which one?

[@MatthewCampbell765]

@@_RTDI believe the perpetual testing initiative of whatever it's called?