Why I Prefer They/Them Pronouns

[@jodytitus3463]

This was very helpful. Thank you ❤❤

[@IamMuziq3]

Thank you for sharing your story. Personally I met someone who identifies as they them but I didn’t want to be rude by asking why so I appreciate the info and can now start to see and appreciate that person for who they are instead of putting them into a box that society conditioned our brains to do

[@AlexZorach]

Thank you! That is wonderful!

[@erikmartin2]

What about people who have a religious conception of the world or even just a metaphysical understanding of the world, in which masculinity and femininity are a polar duality, rather than a spectrum, so they can't view you as you view yourself without uprooting their worldview. But maybe they can approach their conception of masculinity and femininity as categories that they are learning to expand to encompass more of the experiences of others into their framework. Do you think there's room for that? It seems maybe analogous to if a person's conception of themselves is that they are a strictly deterministic biological entity without free will. But someone else, knowing how they conceive of themselves, nevertheless conceives of them as a spiritual being with a soul. Or else the other way around. I view myself as a spiritual being with a soul, but I know that some people view me as a deterministic biological entity without a soul, and it doesn't bother me as long as they aren't denying or belittling my right to conceive of myself how I want. Similarly, if someone says, "I respect your right to conceive of yourself how you want, and I'm interesting in learning about what your experiences of gender are, but for myself, I would try understand your experiences as things that I would categorize in my own mind as a manifestation of masculinity, though hopefully expand my understanding of how masculinity can manifest itself," do you think that's their right, and acceptable?

[@AlexZorach]

This is an interesting question. It seems to me that even among people who see gender on a binary, they are still able to recognize some degree of a "spectrum" in terms of a person's self-expression. So for example, if someone believes everyone is either a woman or a man, they can still see someone as relatively more or less masculine or feminine. This isn't exactly the same as gender identity, but it's a start. I think one answer I'd have to this question is that understanding that gender identity is subjective might solve this problem. Some of the LGBTQ and specifically trans ideology out there makes a lot of "essentialist" statements, i.e. "trans women are women, trans men are men", and I don't fully agree with this...I've addressed this in another video, i.e. here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/joTKgZx6gsx2arc Basically, if you see gender identity as subjective (as I do) a lot of this apparent conflict goes away. I'm not trying to argue with others about what my gender objectively "is". I am assigned-male-at-birth, but the cultural construct of male fits me only to a much lesser, limited degree. I think another "point of entry" to understanding this is to understand that the social constructs of gender in mainstream society themselves deviate, often considerably, from particular traditional and religious constructs of female and male identity. This is certainly true of the community you come from, and I've spent hours talking about these issues with people. So for example, if someone has a religious construct of "masculinity", this already doesn't jive fully and at all times with the mainstream culture's construct of "masculinity" and male identity, and the same for femininity and female identity. I think in the end, what I care most about is not being subjected to gendered assumptions and subjected to coercion on the basis of my perceived gender. I'm less concerned with how things fit together "behind the scenes", i.e. in a person's thoughts or beliefs, unless or until those beliefs come out directly in words or actions.

[@gumdropthedutchie9012]

Can someone use they/them if they’re cis and just prefer they/them to she/her or he/him?

[@AlexZorach]

Yes. I've met a handful of cis people. First, some people are cis (in that their gender identity matches their assigned birth sex) but are gender-non-conforming when it comes to presentation and behavior. These people may prefer they/them pronouns because, functionally, they have a lot in common with nonbinary people. A second reason or motivation is dislike of gender roles and norms, and a dislike of gendered structures in language, sort of like how some feminists argued for neopronouns that never really caught on. A third reason that I've encountered, is a desire to normalize they/them pronouns, in order to help people who prefer those pronouns for other reason. These reasons can interact too. I personally support cis people who prefer they/them pronouns, whether or not they are gender-non-conforming. I think the other reasons are valid reasons to prefer these pronouns too.

[@gumdropthedutchie9012]

Thank you this helps a lot!