Challenges of Anxious-Avoidant Relationships | Communication in Relationships

[@sunbeam9222]

I'm ( as per test) mainly secure but bordering avoidant. We have such a bad rep 🙈 our intentions are just as good as any other attachment styles tho. I just want my partner to be happy without losing who I am. I have a pretty strong sense of self. I love spending time with my partner and I also love spending time with myself, friends, doing other things. I cannot for the life of me entertain codependency. It's out of my reach. But I do love and care for my partner deeply, and also sharing time and intimate conversations with him, just not as much as a more anxious type I guess and this unfortunately is sometimes very misunderstood and translated as he/ she doesn't care. Ofc it doesn't help that emotional outbursts overwhelm me and I take their words and criticism litteraly, and I'm like wow is this how you see me? Then what's the point of us being together?. Everything I say is what I mean so I could not get that it's not necessarily true for all people, I just recently learned that ;) Thank you for the podcast, really interesting 🎉

[@decodingcouples]

Thank you for sharing!

[@janaonthesunnyside]

Thank you for this episode. It helps to understand the dynamics, and I learned to give more space to my partner. I learned to verbalize my needs (when we are out I need him to check on the kids as well), and it works ok - he is not doing it by himself, it always needs that hint/request from my side. Also we only have deep talks after having s3x (like he needs it to gain trust and feel safe around me to open up), but that counteracts with my childhood trauma ... its hard, but I know that we love eachother and need to find our way. Somehow.

[@terrycraig6386]

@sunbeam9222: how can you besecure and avoidant at same time? Doesn't make sense to me.😮😮😅😅

[@sunbeam9222]

@@terrycraig6386 oh well it's a spectrum isn't it 😅 for me years of work on myself, heal core wounds ( shame, so much built up shame ) reparenting the child within, journaling, meditation. stop being so flippin independent and lean more towards interdependent. I'm still struggling towards expressing vulnerability, it's not that I hide it consciously, my brain just takes me straight onto rational side and it's hard to convince it otherwise at the time. I'm saying secure leaning DA because I did some quizz and it says 67% or something secure 25% DA. A little bit of AP and zero FA. I don't think I'm hardcore DA, I don't ghost, I don't disappear, I always reply to texts and calls, and initiate them also and I want to see my partner regularly. I don't run away from people I love. My last partner ran away from me, because he thought I don't care enough. He was more on the anxious side so was tricky to find a balance.

[@terrycraig6386]

Working on your subconscious beliefs from childhood and from your parents is the only way to change.they are hard wired into each person by adulthood, but can be slowly changed by using affirmations and therapy.😊by the way , im anxious and avoidant women are so sexy.❤❤❤