Chapter 3

Pre-order my new song "Troubles" here: renmakesmusic.lnk.to/Troubles

[@ME-pe5dt]

I work in a highschool and take care of those kids that have a need for extra help, that know pain and depression up close at their young age. One of them let me hear your music. I was touched to the core and now I use your stories and music to help them and myself at the same time, your music inspires and gives courage. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I hope that knowing how you help so many others, brings meaning to the difficult road you walk..never stop. You make a difference, you show people they are not alone in their pain.

[@carolmillins9199]

Your students are so lucky to have a tutor like you ❤

[@ME-pe5dt]

@@carolmillins9199 Thank you so much. Wellbeing is so important and i am lucky to work in a school where we are encouraged to have attention for this. But inspiration comes from the kids themselves. All we have to do is listen, really hear them and not dismiss their message. And people like Ren are the voice of those who need just a little extra help. He voices what they sometimes cannot.

[@blakebryan865]

Thank you for being a professional that actually cares about healing. My ex husband and 2 of my children suffer severe depression followed my sever manic (bi-polar). Each have made attempts. No matter how many therapists, hypno therapists, psychiatrists, etc we have tried, they all just push some kind of pill instead of do their job and really care. You sound like you care and I applaud you for that. I am praying for change in our medical system, until then, people like you are a glimmer of hope that we at least know that it is out there, even if we haven’t been able to find it in our search yet! Thank you REN -we all know what you are doing for us even through I cannot put that much gratitude into words

[@ME-pe5dt]

@@blakebryan865 Thank you. I do care, and i will never stop caring. But don't forget: where-ever or who-ever you are, you are also making a difference. Just by holding your child close when they are suffering, by being patient and pushing through the hard times TOGETHER with them. By quietly showing them a ray of sunshine, or helping them clean up the mess they make in their depression without judging them for it, just by showing love and acceptance. Stay strong and see the good that you do and be proud of that. Let it give you energy to be there for others time and time again. We are not alone, Ren tells us, and we can tell each other.

[@Sjeeh]

This is what i love the most when i read the comments.❤

[@123kar456]

I'm a young doctor. I hope that i will always remember your story and that i will use it in my work. Thanks.

[@cat48thia]

❤

[@eljaruben]

Please do! Doctors can do a lot., and there are resources like NICE guidelines, mayo clinic proceedings review, and today and tomorrow there's a huge, free, online conference on ME and LongCovid it's called unite2fight

[@user-rv7ph1jl5y]

❤

[@roxannem2208]

Please join ILADS

[@kellja5012]

“Pressure makes a rhyming diamond…” You shine so bright, Ren💎 You are AMAZING for alchemising everything you’ve been through into something so inspiring and positive. I understand that sharing all this costs you but I hope in some way it also brings catharsis. We see you. Thanks for telling your story, parts of which are also our story ❤️

[@Januaribarn]

That TBC and then slapping us with Depression was quite emotionally confusing, thanks for that 😂

[@yilomina2047]

💯

[@mama-llama4527]

😂

[@tothenextlyfe]

you ain't lying. I chuckled then within the same minute, my eyes welled up. bittersweet.

[@nadiariggs5110]

It was hilarious, confusing, and poignant.

[@lisarussell2914]

He of course suffered depression because of the pain disorder, not because he was clinically depressed or suffered from real bipolar. He was just in constant pain, something you can't easily smile through.. thankfully he finally found answers

[@NastyCrabcakes]

Sending hugs. You are helping so many people by telling your story. You don't shy away from the darkest parts. There's no sugar-coating. Just brutal honesty and vulnerability. Thank you 💛

[@davemcc9642]

It's powerful and heartbreak❤ng ! Love and hugs to all 🫂

[@kimcasault2582]

This one brought tears. I lost a dream to ME too. I also laid in bed wishing the disease would just kill me already. Thanks for speaking up.

[@dryroastedpnutta6253]

I feel ya❤

[@Summeriz19..]

Dear REN, To me, you are a Magical teacher who enlightens, encourages, loves, and shines his light so that we can see. I love you and support you, Lizzie

[@wexfordgirl1]

As a 20 year ME sufferer who has always avoided telling people how I feel and am sick to death being told "you need to be getting the "you need to back to the doctor...".I am sending this video to family members without comment.

[@tgregory73]

I’ve only been diagnosed with ME for 10 years (1/2 of your time) but I already completely understand and agree. It’s crazy how we as a society have made “How are you?” either small talk or a throw away addition to a greeting. When for people with chronic illnesses it forces you to acknowledge something in yourself that you have been desperately trying to ignore. “How exactly am I?” I typically just respond “Eh, about the same, how are you?” but it doesn’t change the fact that internally I have already taken inventory of every symptom that was exacerbated at that moment. Sounds like Ren, has been on the same medical journey as many of us with chronic invisible illnesses. A year or so of a doctor telling you that they think you are depressed as you slowly start and then weeks later, ween you off of different antidepressants, to then doctors not believing you, etc, etc. I hope that one day soon they find a cure for all of us suffering silently at home. REN you are an inspiration! I wish you the best of health and crash-less days/weeks/months/years. I don’t need to wish you success because with your talent, global success is an inevitability.

[@TalaAtTanagra]

8 years for me. Thank goodness someone like Ren is talking about MEcfs. The more people speaking up, the more likely we'll be hard to ignore.

[@SandraT1107]

Alopathic medicine does not know how to treat ME or any post viral condition. I ploughed my own furrow some decades ago. Not saying it works for everyone but homoeopathic treatment worked for me, eventually and I did get well. But it was a rough start. Several remedies made me much worse and I started in dire straights. But my homeopath was a god send and phoned me every day and would send other remedies to counteract the bad reactions then try again. I am nearly 60 now and got bad post viral dibility in my early 30s. I ended up more well than since my teens and havd stayed so since. These days I use herbs for health much more. I suspect our modern diet leaves us metabolically difficient in various ways, but everyone has a unique metabolism which is probably why mainstream medics fail in this area. Sorry to hear that you are still suffering x

[@NikolaNash]

If yu kno yu kno . He pur prophetic voice amidst the choas divinely inspired to help us heal .. x

[@christyheffernan1248]

I hope something clicks for them and they understand it. I’m really sorry you suffer with this.

[@luckylady6871]

I’m 56, had M.E. 35 years, tried everything. My whole adult life gone. Everything lost, everyone gone, isolated in bed for the last 5 years. I cannot bear another minute. I’m so tired of fighting when there is no reason to, and no one would notice I’m gone. I love all you have done, and thank you for being a voice speaking up in such a brilliant & eloquent way, you have such a special gift.

[@kellyt5341]

I'm very sorry for your horrible situation. We have some things in common, I'm 55, close to 56. I'm female and love Ren. I believe he was put through hell to be a voice and a beacon of hope for many in your situation. The closest thing physically wrong with me is I have had 2 total knee replacements and one has failed. To redo the surgery it would be a total cast from foot to hip (no bending it). That is a 6 month heal time for that procedure. (I'll wait till it gives totally out before I do that awful surgery). I have my lower back vertebra L4/L5 fused. But I don't have what you have. But from reading many comments on many of Ren's pages and the face book page I hang out on Ren's Rabbit Hole fans page. Many have similar issues in all type of degrees. So you are not alone. 🤗

[@kellja5012]

Sending love ❤️ ME is such a brutal condition, I have some insight from person experience. I hope Ren’s voice and your voice and all of our voices get heard. It’s time the medical world woke up and caught up. It can’t hurt to have someone like Ren fighting in your corner ✨

[@robinbobbin75155]

OMG! I'm 56. I have fibromyalgia (I think). You literally wrote what I was going to say word for word! They told me, when I was diagnosed, that fibromyalgia is not a progressive disease. So, I've asked doctors a million times! "Why am I getting worse?" They have no answers, no treatments, just "try to increase your level." It was this year that I began to feel like at the rate I'm going, I won't live to be 60. It's okay because I'm at peace with dying. Ren has given me hope again. I'm pushing for more definitive answers on my diagnosis and treatment options. Thank you, Ren, for giving me a desire to keep fighting. You were right. You were born to change the world! God Bless!

[@roxannem2208]

Have you been properly tested for Lyme?

[@robinbobbin75155]

Yes. I'm going to see an endocrinologist to test for Cushings.

[@GeriStorm]

You need to publish this as a book and the people you sat with on those chairs would rather read it than what they waited six months to be given to read! Being seen and being listened to means so much. Anyone suffering as you have will read it and say that’s me I’m not lazy I’m not crazy it’s real!

[@juless5699]

💯 This is a book in the making. But then again...in true Ren style...it is already here to be seen & heard (for free)...impacting those of us blessed to know that this incredible man exists. True manhood (personhood even) is courageous vulnerability & authenticity. Ren is the antisthesis of toxic masculinity. Gosh these daily 'chapters' are profound. Best stuff I've ever heard from one human being. But yeah, back to the point...this needs a book!! 😇

[@IngerGreteMyklebust]

I have ME. Because of YOU. I don't feel so ALONE❣️

[@Marloc2420]

Having MS, I understand fatigue. Deal with it daily. I don’t like it when people say “yea, I’m tired today too.” I say “So you too feel like walking thru life in quicksand?” I do like how you explained it. I guess I’m a bit more snarky. 😡 I hope you realize how you have so many similarities to so many people but we all have our own stories. So not comparing mine to yours. Just letting you know I relate is all & that I care & you matter. Thanks for sharing❤️

[@jeanhiebert3425]

Thank you for helping me understand my son's depression. It was your stated purpose that you wanted to help people with your story. You've helped me so much that i was sobbing with you at the end

[@roxannem2208]

Please make sure he gets properly tested for Lyme through Vibrant or IGenex.

[@Hexenkind1]

So now we are in 2010 if I am not mistaken. Such a heartbreaking thing that you were right there, had your dream in your grasp, the record deal with sony and then this fucking illness ruined everything... Probably feels like another life now. At least I hope it does. You will never go through something like this ever again. And if your health gets worse, be sure that millions and millions stick by your side until the heat death of the universe. That I can promise you by now. Love to you, again.

[@dryroastedpnutta6253]

Well said

[@Elissa66]

I have been suffering with ME for almost 21 years now and I cannot even begin to explain how much I relate to every single thing you are saying in these videos. I used to run one of those support groups (in person) many years ago before it became too physically and emotionally draining for me to do it any longer. (I am housebound now.) That experience was .... a LOT. I just couldn't be a cheerleader for people anymore and give them false hope as I continued to get more ill. I knew I was helping people, giving them info how to navigate the illness and deal with the medical community... but I couldn't pretend everything was going to get better anymore, knowing it wasn't. Thank you for bringing awareness to this horrific disease. And thank you for your music. I hate that you and so many others here understand this existence (I can't call it a life) but I am glad am not alone.

[@dimitrasotirakoglou2553]

You my dear boy are a constant inspiration Can't thank you enough for all that you offer to all of us.. ❤ Proud RENegade here

[@QueenBabylonnia]

One thing REN has really accomplished is make Lyme disease more known in the UK. I know that doctors do not recognise it, and at the beginning of the illness, even if a GP is told that’s what you think it is, they will only go by blood test results, (which are not reliable). It only needs the correct antibiotics at the beginning to stop it in its tracks. But doctors don’t like to give out antibiotics let alone be told a specific antibiotic one thinks they need, when hospital blood tests only come back with 4 positives out of the 5 (told they need the 5). This disease does not reside in the blood it hides, sometimes really hard to get a diagnosis. Luckily my GP listened to me and I got the correct antibiotics for my daughter. I knew very well what the effects would be if the correct antibiotic was not given, as a colleague of mine, (although they had insisted they thought that’s what they had), did not get the treatment. And, ended up suffering because of the damage Lyme causes if untreated. Thank you again, for making people aware in the UK of this dreadful, tick (insect bite) disease.

[@frolleinvonsoundso7044]

Not an insect, in fact. 8 legs. I wonder why it is so hard, as you describe it. Both my sons had needed the antibiotics at least once already and there hat been no problem getting the prescription (we are in Germany), though we were at the stadium with the red spots on the skin (erythema migrans) which is a very clear sign.

[@susie8557]

You are our angel for speaking out about chronic illnesses, especially those that are so often ignored/misunderstood/dismissed. Although I don't have Lymes, I have Long Covid and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome as do friends I know plus a friend with Lupus. Elements of your story ring true for us, too, so you, being a person with a huge following, helps us all. I hope it helps you. too. Add in the loss of those important to us and your words about that resonate so clearly, too. Wishing you healing in all parts of your being.

[@jorice5528]

I truly believe & certainly hope beyond measure, that what you are sharing will make a genuine difference, it will of cause take time, but you will be the reason & the inspiration for medical research & funding into these insidious autoimmune diseases 🙏❤️

[@Shiroar]

An emotional rollercoaster with the way you add a bit of humour to a very sad story 😂 Thank you for this chapter ❤

[@satyasunshine9737]

😮OMG Ren,it's is SO absolutely bizarre,that I feel like you are speaking my story!!!! I LOVE music,sing in private daily,& Nature,are my ONLY friends,yet I've DIED inside!!! I'm twice your age,insomnia 22 years since rape,MUCH abuse!!! Ren,as I type this,I've been asking God( whom I dont know!!!!) to please take my massacred life,so I don't committ suicide!!! I sleep LESS than 1 hour each nigh( 3 1/2 yrs.,MORE physical pain has increased!!!) Ren,I feel DEEP respect for your courage,strength,perserverance,wisdom,creativity,compassion!!!! I'm BARELY hanging on!!!!! I'm also homeless,live in a tent( 16 summers & beyond) or noisy motels,hotels.As I type this,I NEED A MIRACLE,or I want to leave this horrible,torturous existence,ASAP!!!! I'm GRATEFUL for your life,Ren!!!! KEEP ON BEING YOURSELF,SHINING!!!!!😥😥🙏🙏🥰🥰🩵🤎💜💚💖🩵🤍💟🎵🎶🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🌈🌈🌈🌈🧘🧘‍♀️🤗🤗⭐️⭐️🕊🕊🔮🔮

[@dryroastedpnutta6253]

Hope your ok, I too love music, and was homeless, and am in constant pain plus mental pain (bpd) I hope things get better for you, stay strong.. you'll get there

[@robertfremin4192]

Ren every time you talk about what you went through and going through it is like another door opens in my head. I say to myself fuck that is what I am feeling. I hate when people say I know what you are feeling, and I just want to say NO you don't. I want you to know how much your words mean to me Ren !! Thanks for answering some of those questions that are in my head. Love You brother. Big fucking hugs.

[@Shonathekiwipiercer]

There will be people speaking about your battles & art for decades to come. Thankyou for sharing like this part of you. So many words didn’t go on that paper I know, but I look forward to your book in time, I feel is sure to come. If not; please write a book with everything unsaid in this series ❤❤❤

[@mckenziepaigemusic]

I had never heard that song at the end, I'm relatively new to your work (Only the last 3 months really) But that song so perfectly encompasses how I have felt with chronic pain and depression. It is like being in a prisonless cell. Thank you for being brave enough to so beautifully encapsulate what it feels like with words and music and thank you for sharing your story. I myself have experienced nearly 17 years of chronic pain, injury and illness and it really does feel like being cursed. That has been a running joke with me for years. "What god did I piss off?". But I am still fighting my way to the light. Thank you for throwing out a rope to those of us who feel lost and hopeless. You really are making a difference.

[@lairx]

it is on Demo's 2, a compilation of 8 powerful older songs; on ren's bandcamp you can find most of his stuff

[@5siggi]

"Mourning their old lives" sums it up for me and my husband. I've been living with chronic pain since 2009. My husbands started after he had a benign brain tumor removed 4 years ago. He told me he finally understood what I was going through. I never wanted this for him or for me. I do mourn what I use to be able to do and I mourn my life I had without chronic pain. Yet at the same time, I'm grateful for each day that I wake up. Thank you Ren for sharing your health journey! I'm sorry that it took so long to find the diagnosis. You said before that the medical community needs to do better and I agree. Sometimes I feel that the drs. don't want to invest the time or energy to figure out what we have and how to stop or cure it, or even to help with the symptoms.

[@dianesnowflake]

I think the biggest bless Ren is giving everyone is the power to listen to each other. To find common ground. To reach out to each other.

[@TealOmen]

I can't heal your past loneliness but in an alternative universe I am currently hugging you and supporting you Ren. In the present day you are always in my well wishes and thought ❤

[@chloefarrow3712]

Thank you Ren, I can imagine you feel vulnerable sharing your story like this. Just know, it's incredible to hear and speaks to so many people going through the same or similar things. I feel depressed today, languishing in bed on a sunny day, a bank holiday weekend. My M.E is now severe and its sh!t having to live like this at a time when most people are out having lives and careers. Please keep shining and sharing and singing, you are brightening people's lives.

[@toddmcsweeny]

Thank you for articulating what i never could. The experience that goes on in my mind & body that no matter how many times i tried to explain, people would never understand. And then the terrible advice always comes "have you tried yoga/meditation/breathing/journalling/exercise"..... Thank you for this, it makes me feel not alone.

[@rowanelessar5892]

Really hit the nail on the head with the Depression.

[@TheAlyxson]

Your bravery in the face of adversity is so inspiring. I have struggled with pain and fatigue since my early 20's. So many tests to 'eliminate everything' to then be sent to a rheumatologist who asked me a few questions and poked me in a few places in a 20 min consultation to be told that I have fibromyalgia. This diagnoses took about 13 years to happen. At first I was excited that I had an answer. I was single at that point with 2 children. The rheumatologist told me that they don't really know what causes it and that there is no cure. He said that there was some thought that it was related to childhood trauma, which made sense as I had plenty of that. Then I got glandular fever and I could barely leave the bed for months. I shut down, but I also drank to numb myself. My poor children suffered greatly with an emotionally absent mother who was only really successful at becoming an alcoholic making me more absent. Somehow through the skin of my teeth I managed to keep my government job. But each day was a struggle, by the time I had gotten the kids ready and dropped them off at before and after school care, then took the hour trip to work, do the days work, then head home to pick up the kids, I had no energy left. The house was neglected, the kids were neglected, I was hurting all over, and so I would drink to numb it all and to shut down my mind and the pain. No medication stopped the pain, or the depression. I was in a constant state of suicidal idealisation and was hospitalised once in that time for it. I was an active alcoholic up until 5 years ago when I got sober. That started a whole new journey of having to find myself, deal with the pain and the trauma and finally start to become the mother that my children should have gotten. I have CPTSD from many things, but a big part of the trauma is that I am still so limited and there is so little empathy or understanding of what it is like to live in pain, and be so tired and have brain fog. I lost all my friends as they were drinkers. There was a blessing that came from stopping the alcohol, in that I lost weight and some of the pain became more bearable as I wasn't trying to carry about an extra 34kgs, but other pain crept in. I had been telling the doctors for years that my pain was getting worse in my neck. I would get maybe a second of relief if I was able to get my neck to crack, but then it was back again. I basically looked like a had a 'tick' because I was constantly trying to get my neck to crack. The doctors had been telling me for years, it was just the fibromyalgia. But after demanding xrays and a CT scan, I was told that I had also been living with 4 perforated discs in my neck with 2 bone spurs and one impinged nerve which causes pain up into my skull and down through my neck and shoulders and arms. Still no pain meds would help. Then the lower back... 3 more perforated discs. I have had so much mental health therapy and they now believe that I also have been trying to mask ADHD all my life which the alcohol helped me to mask. I can see that now and sadly I can see that I missed it in my kids. So they not only had an absent mother, but were trying to navigate life in an over stimulating world, without a emotionally present mother. They have both got CPTSD from their childhood and I would give anything to change that. My son recently introduced me at 53 years of age, to you Ren. He did this about 6 weeks ago when he was trying to find a way to kill himself and I kidnapped him (he did come on his own free will, but resentfully) when his friends contacted me to say that he was on a bender and determined to hurt himself. That night, he shared with me your amazing talent and life journey. He had been distant from me for quite some time before this, and by him showing you to me, we had something to bond over as I couldn't help but go down the Ren rabbit hole. It's a constant struggle still and at this stage neither I or my son and daughter can work due to mental health. We all also have pain/physical issues, that no doctors can explain or help with. I honestly feel, that if it wasn't for you. I would not have my son alive today. The fatigue is a daily struggle, the depression likes to creep in and out. But I have such a blessing of an opportunity to be the mum that my children deserved when they were younger because I'm no longer a drinker. This has meant having to face some really hard truths about myself. I did have moments of being a good mum and I can see this because of what good humans my children are and the way they treat others. But for a lot of the time, I was a sh1t mum. These illnesses are so much more damaging than just to the person that has it, when there is no cure or no way to eliminate the pain and fatigue. So now I tell my kids, make sure you don't try to sugar coat your childhood to protect me when getting therapy. They have every right to be angry and resentful for the childhood that I provided them. Being sober has meant living it harder but somehow better too. Chronic illnesses are chaotic. So for all of you out there dealing with this and still trying to lead a normal life. You are braver than you think.

[@troydruckenmiller1751]

That old woman who was concerned for your health was an Angel. So was the homeless man.

[@michellepower6765]

I know that you tell us these things to help us , I truly hope in some ways it’s helping you too , because we all are so grateful for your shared experiences, for the bravery you’re showing in bearing your soul with the hopes that it’ll shine even a little light for the rest of us , it does. You’re truly inspiring, I hope you realise how much we are grateful for your kindness, your music, your …. You x

[@craigurquhart6514]

Laying in bed right now, as an M.E. crash looms over me, watching this. Man. In an odd way it's making me feel a little better.

[@MoreKellBellPlease]

You are so loved and have so many people praying for your health and success. Thank you for sharing your story and helping so many. I watched UnRest yesterday and cried the whole time. My heart goes out to all of you chronically suffering. Sending you my untainted love. I've struggled with depression and addiction, but that seems so much better than all the pain you all have to deal with. I hope more light is shed on these conditions so a cure can be found for you all.

[@DJJOPI]

Ren, thank you for being strong enough ( inside you vulnerability), to finnish the speech with Joe"s kind of dark humour.

[@amberkluga8949]

jesus this series is hard to listen to and even with the amazingly descriptive words I can't imagine how it felt to live through it.

[@reztheninja]

Man, if karma exists, you'll have some good times ahead of you. Damm

[@felixpollock8860]

As M.E. sufferers, my wife and I wanted to say how grateful we are that you're shining such a big and accurate spotlight on the condition and your experience with it (along with other horrendous chronic illnesses). It's crazy that so many people are suffering so much with this illness, and that the science is out there - the mitochondria and viral reactivation stuff is being continually reconfirmed - but doctors continue to ignore or actively disbelieve it. Even getting a firm diagnosis has been a struggle; my wife has one after a decade, I don't yet. It can be so isolating and lonely when so many don't understand what you're going through, which is why what you're doing is so important and appreciated.

[@roxannem2208]

Have you been properly tested for Lyme through Vibrant or IGenex?

[@ailsarayner5982]

You are so amazing. Thank you. Wish I could somehow erase that experience. You are a wonderful example of survival. Xxx

[@ailsarayner5982]

Sorry for our losses 🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🌍🙃

[@heidibaltom8138]

I love your ability to tell a terrible story that hurts but also see humour in it. Also you go and say those last few lines and then hit us with "Depression". That was a switch if ever i saw one lol

[@francesdoll4039]

What a defeating, depressing nightmare. My heart hurts for everyone suffering of any of these fatigue illness

[@Irmelinis]

🥰 Powerful stuff. Many hugs to you, it's incredibly refreshing to listen to someone who doesn't sugarcoat things. I appreciate you!!

[@travisschaefer5286]

I feel so sad for anyone dealing with this type of situation. Not many people have the drive to deal with such a mess. God bless anyone who can relate to Rems story. I pray for you, and I pray that my kids never have to deal with such a struggle

[@DebapriyaMaitra]

Every chapter so far has made my heart ache. You're so goddamn strong, power to you and all ME warriors out there! ❤‍🩹

[@AuriLuna93]

Having Central Sensitization Syndrome, with severe fibromyalgia, severe chronic fatigue, chronic migraine, gastrointestinal problems, anxiety and dysthymia... With 9 years of not knowing what was happening until the diagnosis and no cure, only short-lasting patches, and new symptoms that appear in every season of the year, I have felt every word you have said. And the doctors' Gaslightning is a thing, a serious thing that can cause death because of desperation.

[@SnoozR-sq2id]

Thank you Ren. I see you. I have HEDS, POTS, MCAS, etc. I get it. Myriad symptoms, crushing fatigue, no treatment, no cure for me either. You are not alone. You are an angel.❤

[@ThirzaTumTum]

I've been tired for so many years, we struggle with money cuz i haven't been able to work. The medical professionals say it's all in my head. April 5th i threw up 3 times and i've had a fever since. Now i'm more tired than i've ever been. Went back to the doctors, haven't been since 2014. They took my blood and my pee. Still haven't heard anything.

[@Hexenkind1]

Love and hugs to you. I know you got this. ❤

[@mikesouthammavongs853]

I've seen all 3 now and know you've said you're no therapist and imma not pour out my story but your outpouring of emotion has me overwhelmed I've been in tears and I'm sposed to be a 54year old adult I can relate to so much of your history but have never spoken about mind this is so helpful knowing others go through such hardships emotional turmoil and remain strong. I love you Ren your tunes are awesome so underrated an artist and now this outpouring of feelings has me hoping I can be strong as well love u fam much love

[@JoanneGrace11]

Love you Ren! Thanks for sharing yourself and your story. You are helping many. Much Love to you.💖

[@daynapper]

Also,,, you need to publish this as a book and a film,,, when your ready to do so,,, if you wish,, you are helping soooo many people,,, x

[@lenelston]

Depression really hit me hard. Said everything about my own experiences with mental health that I've never been able to quite articulate as well as I would have liked. Thank you for continuing to share your story.

[@sejbomb]

Sometimes feels like I can finally hear my voices out loud when I hear your songs and experiences.

[@DonnaMaddox-hj4dd]

This one hit hard as I am mumma to an ME warrior - that feeling of being helpless and no help is coming. Thank you REN for bravely sharing again today to raise awareness of #ME

[@Melissa-sk8ub]

No words, other than I absolutely 100% feel this all…. You make us all feel seen ☺️ Thank you ☺️🖤

[@bridgetrendall402]

OMFG - virtual hug Ren Isn’t it time someone invented a pain machine so medics could plug in and experience the level of mental and physical suffering we endure🤷‍♀️

[@rveino2978]

I’m in remission right now and your music and personality towards life helped me get back into music.Thanks for that peace out

[@1705louloutte]

At the same time it has made you become who you are today. It's a second life.

[@maryuriavil8862]

This was the first song I ever heard from you back in high school and it helped save me then and your song “REN” helped me out of a dark time years later. Glad I found your music again. ❤️ I love these videos, so well done.

[@mysunneye3394]

REN you always amaze me this chapter brought tears to my eyes as I have fought the same fight but I fought because I needed to be there for my son .Took years for them to find out I had lupus the fatigue is unreal took years for me except as I tried so many different treatments as well . I would love to live a normal life but I have excepted it and do what I can but you REN are an angel from heaven you have chosen to make that best of it through your music I have commented a few times on what a beautiful soul you have and how you inspire so many people. Keep being the walking masterpiece of art and take of your health you put on this planet for a reason to help others i believe in heart 💜 you truly are amazing. This was a hard chapter for me to see you this way but remember there are people who care and love you even though you don’t know them personally you have touched many hearts . I just want to tell you thank you and please know you’re not alone 🤗🙏🫶 from USA.

[@jeremy95391]

Thank you for continuing to share your story Ren!

[@dryroastedpnutta6253]

Defamation of Strickland Banks, one of my favourite albums EVER too ❤

[@AmaBrigitte]

This was so powerful, so heart wrenching and so relatable! I believe you are evolving with every spoken and written word/song and we will meet another version of Ren❤❤❤

[@katinka4288]

it made me really sad, that his friends from trick the fox not even called him to ask how he is 😥but this last sentence... i was like wait what did he just said 😂

[@jessicarowley9631]

This was a roller coaster of emotion. The last line was hilarious! You are an extraordinarily honest writer. So clear, strong, and wise. Thank you, Ren, thank you.

[@heatherjane910]

Depression 😢

[@AS-ok2ni]

My goodness, how do live what called 1 st world countries. Yet, they fail so many people so many times. The Dr take Oaths to cause no harm. It like they are blinded by the harm they cause. That you have to research and fight for yourself. Hope in some way something will come of it. It breaks my heart that for 8 years you lived this way. Until maybe you found one soul that was like nope. I know there millions out there now still living and still fighting to just get the end insight. When you look at someone say how would you live in the madness and not want out? It a sad truth that you can see why so many do take the way out. I lived with constant pain that ripped the scales of 1-10. I laughed when they asked a number, told them I have high pain tolerance ( I knew they would think I was lieing and it wasn’t really that bad). I lived this way for 3 years in row. I could barely carry plates, I did anyways walking hurt, I did anyways. In a small glimpse of what it would be like, I am so very sorry. Thank you for speaking up and for making hopefully people see. They really need to listen. They need to care. Might I say I love your sense of humor and the child like grin on your face. Thank you for sharing that with us too. Maybe this will help heal some of wounds in you. Maybe help heal some of the wounds in those you love too. They probably said nothing about that pain too you. They knew you hurt more.

[@essencesofgaia7491]

I've always admired your strength 💜 thank you for being my light

[@curtisroerick7980]

Easily a top 3 Ren song....easily.. "Constant Stressing, Conceals Blessings" - I needed to hear that tonight. LLAP

[@flawlessdigitalphotography4935]

Just rushed home and been able to watch this......I'm so glad you chose to give us all this story direct rather than a book we could have read.....it's beautifully and brutally honest all the same time.....thank you for sharing this Ren it's the story the fans wanted to hear and explains why you are who you are, a true inspiration to all who know your music .... much respect 🤜🤛

[@megaemz5901]

I have SLE Lupus diagnosed 1996. I was 18, now SLE Lupus Nephritis. Rarrrrr REN i hear you everyword i just know you wow wow... ",Everything will be ok in the end, if it is not ok, then it is not yet the end" Stand Tall always your Powerful Man. BeauuuuTiFuL Soul Just Be!..🙏 LOVE ✌️💚 💥

[@Psychochicken24]

Thanks. Love. ❤

[@616C2D7867]

The golden age lines in Depression, really hit home. Thankfully I've never been close to this severity but the circular repetitive distorting memories and mantras are very relatable. The bassline creating space following mismatched that contributes to this being one of my favourite songs even though it's tough to listen to.

[@marleyblood5213]

I'm so glad that you are sharing your experience with others. You are helping many people by being so courageous and transparent. I've loved this and got a great laugh at your "tickler" for the next episode. Can't wait!

[@megm38]

Thank you. That's it. Just thank you.

[@LOBO68117]

You've got to write a book Ren not particularly about this but anything. Your lyrics and explanation and flow of your battles will help many others, guaranteed. But the way you use words says to me even though I've heard your awesome music, that a book would be great. Peace bruv ✌️❤️

[@debrashrider4062]

*quiet comfort* Thank you Ren. Relax in the circle of Acceptance that has gathered here, around you, to protect you.

[@clockworkoregano]

You are loved and the world is brighter because you continue to be in it. I am grateful that you have made it this far and will continue to find your better.

[@MissMeKate]

Thank you for articulating our pain and desperation so viscerally, Ren. I'm so tired of trying to explain when nobody wants to listen. I haven't had a day without pain and exhaustion since 1998. I'm only a few years older than you, and I worry sometimes that I've been lost too long to ever find the way out. I'll never stop looking for it. All I have done is get worse while waiting to live, and now half my life is gone. I wonder if I'll spend all of it waiting. Searching. Hoping. Hurting. Thank you. And thank you to everyone who listens to your story and speaks up for us.

[@ileenerebekah3740]

I wonder if we talked on some of the forums. You're story sounds familiar in a lot of ways, but I'm sure you know... most of ours do. I've been following you for a couple years now and I love your transparency. It's also why I think we've talked before. You remind me of a boy I chatted with like 10 years ago. Love the story, thank you for sharing. Keep the drive!

[@LisArgollo]

Thank you for sharing ren. You are extremely brave but I wish you didn't have to be

[@craigory123]

Thank you for being here for all of us Ren and for sharing your truth with such pure honesty and openness…thank you SO very MUCH 🙏🏼💛

[@Shelleysnail]

All these people saying you’re an angel. Well, I dunno about that. I think you’re just a person. Just a person but with a gift for writing, rapping, singing and playing. Stay real, you’re doing a good job.

[@CarolynSM]

Goodness, you’re so talented. I’ve been dealing with the ME journey for a decade. The gaslighting from not just doctors but family too. I am a mom of two boys and the shame/guilt of not being the best I can be for them has been the hardest part. You’re incredibly inspiring! I look forward to hearing more of your story and thank you so much for telling it.

[@darlinesly9364]

I’m thankful that you had the inner strength through so much suffering to find your voice , to be heard. So many are struggling but even though they’re not the only ones it is almost impossible not to feel alone. Thank you Ren, you’re a beacon of light shining through the darkness giving us hope, showing us we don’t have to allow the darkness that wants to swallow us keep us from seizing every moment of joy we can find . Everyone that has found their way to your music and your story is special and unique and some of the most supportive people gathered together. Those who not only want something better for themselves but also want to lift up others who understand the pain. You are a gift!

[@georgeaskwith8431]

My ADHD was initially diagnosed as bipolar. Yay for only ever seeing locums

[@Rennthebigpushfan]

You’ve got the words to describe what so many can’t. Putting it into songs that has been replayed so many times by now. You’re more than you thought at that time. You didn’t know how important you’d be ❤ love you man

[@Twisted.Ginger]

Appreciate these bubba..tears and all! Ur a strong young man!🫡😘

[@cmacski4066]

I have been fighting with medical professionals that forget that they are “practicing” for 30 years! They simply don’t listen and forget that they don’t know everything! It should not be so hard to have doctors listen patients that have issues that “don’t make sense”, medicine is learning how to treat those that have lost hope, not just who’s easy to treat!

[@pambarab5506]

Sympathy and empathy to you Ren. Sadness and joy to me.

[@dryroastedpnutta6253]

7:59 omg Ian Curtis, i have a tattoo of him, what a great thing youve done including him in your film... RIP IC. Whatta guy..... she's lost control again, shes lost controooooool❤❤❤

[@eveline5858]

We can't even imagine everything you endure!!! 🤗🤗🤗 You are really brave I hope everything gets better again soon!! 💜

[@andremathew27]

That 80 year old man would be so proud of you💯🤣

[@ek2719]

❤ So pleased you’re in a better place now. I hope you continue to improve each day. Thanks Ren.

[@bruhifysson9005]

Much love brother

[@therosabella67]

I’m so sorry Ren! Sending love.❤️🙏

[@eiram64btz]

Thank you for telling your truth… it s gonna help a lot of people , but I am sure you know that already ! you must have been through this uneasy exercise with this exact purpose… much love ❤

[@MsPoeticVisions]

Ren. I feel like I'm looking in a mirror and talking to myself on this chapter. Thank you for sharing your story, so we are not alone. ❤‍🩹

[@alouise01]

I'm crying while listening to this because I can relate to almost all of this. I had a busy week last so today I woke up after sleeping for 32 hours. Yet I'm still exhausted. Thank you for letting me know that I'm not alone!!!

[@MommaG1991]

Just Want to hold you tight 🫶 Thank You 🙏 For Sharing All This 🫶🖤💚🫶🖤