Cheater's Guide to Tabling Your Opponent

A 10 Step guide to turn the table on your opponent. This is a dead serious tutorial that must be taken with absolute seriousness.
#warhammer #warhammer40k #tabletopgames

[@RetardedBatman]

More like The Heretics Guide To Heresy

[@LCliffhanger]

more like the loyalist guide of TRUE loyalty

[@LCliffhanger]

OR AWESOME COMEDY

[@cailumgrantham-tibbitt8543]

Shall I perform exterminatus?

[@LCliffhanger]

Cailum grantham-tibbitt sure perform exterminatus apon this loyalist forge world, with an apparent imperial guardsman who wants to join chaos and summon daemons

[@Ezekratos]

+Cailum grantham-tibbitt That's step 10.

[@seanmcdonald737]

Step 11: Loaded tape measure.

[@backstabber765]

+Sean McDonald What does that mean? Sorry im really stoned

[@TheStargateNerd]

+Sean McDonald Just add a few milimeters in between the lines of each inch. It'll add up.

[@Gustav_Kuriga]

but inches don't have millimeters...

[@mikeross7607]

Can you even buy these? 😂

[@EMusyk]

lmfao, what!?

[@blitzkrieg2142k]

step 11 should be the bird dog replaces the opponents die with loaded die, calling him out and disqualifying them.

[@nugget9541]

Step 11 - Sneak loaded dice, that roll 1's and 2's more often.

[@CarrionMaw]

When I heard 'Step 10: Lights Out', I was imaging "Wait until your opponent is on the cusp of victory. Then punch him right in his smug little face. You'll still lose the game, but HE'LL lose consciousness."

[@backstabber765]

+Overloke LOL

[@frogulon8271]

That's exactly what I thought he was going to do

[@garouHH]

Step 11: Wonder why nobody wants to play with you anymore.

[@IronWilliam]

11) If you really want to win, instead of knocking over the table when the lights are our, lift the table with your accomplice and rotate it 180 degrees. Claim that his army is yours, and that you are about to win. This works best when your opponent has a nicely painted army.

[@Fontzig]

Haha. Seriously though.. I was bringing my wood elves army to a friend who was playing dwarfs. We agreed to a 1000 point game and I sent him my army list in advance. This was supposed to be a learning game for me. When I arrived It turned out he didn't take any runes or shields on his models just to maximize the amount of units he could bring. Then he insisted we should play without the magic fase. I didn't make a big deal out of it so I just said; "Ok, then i'll just replace my 235 pts. Spellweaver with this block Of Eternal guards". He started to argue and make stupid excuses so I just sent with it. During my first turn in the shooting fase, he discovered that all my arrows were armour piercing and suddenly all his warriors had shields. I just packed up my army, gave him the middle finger and told him to grow up. There's nothing more pathetic seeing a grown man behaving like a 12 year old.

[@seanknot]

I have a friend who tailors necrons for every game.. Fun xmas game for 1000pts each he takes a death star squad that literally didnt take a wound in 7 turns even when we ganged up. He also wonders why none of us ever want to play. Aren't perpetual losers awesome... & btw his other army is a cheesy as fuck eldar grav tank list where nothing dies also.

[@Fontzig]

It's ok to be competitive, but there are people out there who hasn't been taught how to lose growing up. People who ruin game experiences for others because of their huge egoes. It's sad. I play alot of board games with my 6 year old daughter and I do not let her win all the time. In the beginning there was some tears and havoc, but it didn't take long before she started to be glad on others behalf when they won. There's no way I'm gonna let her grow up like a spoiled brat who can't handle resistance.

[@IrT3hLegend]

Good job Andre, you're a good parent. Hope she blossoms like a rose!

[@seanknot]

yeah I didint have a lot of money growing up either I think i bought 3 incubi 2 raiders & 20 warriors played that same army(dark eldar) from when I was about 10 until I was 14/15. Still love the game & I'm 26 now

[@bocktanbocktan]

André Font Yes, i had the same with my little cousin. My family did always let him win, i kinda holded the balance. I was shocked how angry he got about loosing. It may be not look important, but kids learn those values playwise. Just like little animals learn hunting and fighting playwise.

[@imax006]

Khorne would have my skull if I did any of these Tzeentch type of scheming and plotting.

[@dbdCenturion]

I play Tzeentch. I play a fair games with my 3 of my sons.

[@williamharrison4739]

Does that mean that my Thousand Sons can cheat? Nice

[@mightylad2197]

William Harrison this is why the Wolves burned Prospero >:(

[@bryanbarcelo5440]

Papa Nurgle wouldn't mind.

[@Irondrone4]

Step 11: YA CLUB 'EM OVER DA 'EAD 'N STEAL DERE LOOT!!!

[@thelordchancellor3454]

XENOS!! FEEL THE WRATH OF THE ALLFATHER!!!

[@alexhackett1312]

Irondrone4 YES BROTHA! WAAAAARG!

[@bryanbarcelo5440]

PVEntertainment you do realize that Papa Nurgle is the true Allfather? i see where your allegiance lies.

[@johnfraire6931]

Bryan Barcelo "Greenest is Bestest!" ~Origins for the nurglite ork cult

[@isaakhyde8327]

One does not simply not love ork players. Haha

[@ToastyAwesom]

I feel dirty just watching this...

[@ToastyAwesom]

No, you're right. I need a reality check.

[@Skivsamlaren]

Stephen Henry Step 11 - never say you're sorry.

[@egisandriusis2704]

A

[@masterfulvideojuegos9335]

ToastyAwesom A

[@cheapbuster]

I feel some of the players I play against have been taking this video to heart

[@JadeDude1973]

Step 11, step on the model that gave you the most grief... accidentally, of course.

[@littleloon6176]

Hehehehe

[@littleloon6176]

PabloTheGamingPenguin !!!!!

[@ethanbromley6614]

I accidentally stepped on an imperial knight once he left it on the floor it was an accident 😏

[@tgpgrimreaper]

ethan bromley Right. An "accident." ;)

[@j-knawx5750]

I remember being younger and in a gw in a town down south in the uk , I'm from the north and my mother was with me only holiday she accidentally stepped on a custom converted captain this girl had made and left in the middle of the store floor , I felt so bad but it was the chicks fault 😂

[@N0VA_ST0RM]

Step 11: Burn their house down? Because we don't want their dam lemons!

[@GoodolKev]

Lol

[@jaysonsimmerman]

lol

[@hindsight9213]

im gonna be the man that burned your house down with lemons -Cave Jhonson

[@dkissam2]

final step: turn into a tyranid and eat your opponent.

[@williamtimonen6814]

How is that cheating?

[@arch758]

Its against the rules to eat your opponent

[@tribunalcustodian3989]

Inquisitor Darren What about ripping them apart with adamantine claws

[@exodiusthefirst5862]

I think you would need to roll-off on it, the rules are a bit murky on the subject, I think...

[@JackDuripper]

@@arch758 I looked through the core rule book and found nothing saying you couldn't

[@jaredhill4367]

Step 11, blind the opponent with your laser tape-measure

[@variousnumber891]

Loaded Dice... Now I love those things. I know someone i play against regularly who uses them, but if he has to do something away from the table I switch them. Consistent 1s on Wounds and hits and then double sixes on leadership.

[@SiggyCloud]

I'll give you this the one with the 11 dice is clever.

[@brendanemanuel4693]

Oh wow, you just described the people I've been playing with for years! I know every counter to these bullshit tactics and then they whine because they lost while trying to cheat, which they deny they were doing. It's fantastic!

[@VonFatCat]

I remember a funny game i had once, i was playing with 3 other guys, one was eldar, one was chaos, and the other was blood angles and so was I, we spit into two teams with the blood angles on one side and the chaos and eldar on the other, it was terrifying because the chaos guy had a maulerfiend and the eldar guy had a wraith plane thing,(im not to familiar with eldar) after about 20 minutes of getting our asses handed to us by them the chaos guy decided to use a large template weapon, it scattered and hit the wraith plane, he rolled its hits and it instal killed it, so we joined forces and wiped the chaos guy off the map, it was honestly one of the best games of warhammer id ever had

[@lordofdarkdudesmuller9807]

I once rember play a game at one a local hobby store and when my oppenet went out for a phone call and a smoke break i hade an other friend put his ork army on the tabel at one of the edges. It took my oppent a short while to relised that all of a sudden an ork army hade showed up, i camly explained to him that the orks hade only showed up to watch the figth, he rolled with it and said that we should count the orks satisfaction with our moves as the real victory i agreed and we basicly played the rest of match how we belived the orks would want to see it.

[@sembowden2893]

Lordofdarkdudes Muller yes

[@theworldlywarrior]

What city is this?

[@danielray7965]

Orks watching a fight and not joining in? You lie, surely

[@FatalPeanut456]

step 11 hire matt ward

[@chloesilverwolf739]

kill them through terrible-lawitis

[@godofzombi]

This guide is Alpha Legion approved.

[@guybucknell4481]

Step 11 is a pre-step where, before the game where you literally hide/stuff as many hq models inside your landraider as possible without telling them before you field your list. so they'd would be unlikely too shoot it because they don't know anythings inside it... e.g. abbadon, kharn and typhus.

[@dragoneye6229]

Step 11: Do everything here to Steve for a game and let us know if it works.

[@cameronrox]

Yes this needs to happen!

[@MrTreoni]

Step 11: victory at gunpoint

[@Nakai_the_Wanderer]

Some people also use the old polecat stink attack, you will find at least one at every tournament: 1. Dont take a shower in the week prior to the game/tournament 2. Do not use perfume or anything to cover the biting smell of old sweat. 3. Get as close to your opponent as possible at any given time and use template weapons alot to have an excuse to come over to his side of the table. 4. Your opponent will try to get the game finished as fast as possible and he will make mistakes in the process. 5. ... 6. PROFIT

[@quintonstevens3685]

It is not okay that this is a viable strategy.

[@quintonstevens3685]

Wait dangit wrong comment

[@arekkrol9758]

Nurgle guide to victory

[@psychedashell]

So, are you the polecat or the guy who carries a dropper of eucalyptus oil to thwart the Nurgly sodd?

[@pinchman2946]

Counter-play: bring a can of the foulest body spray you can (probably axe). Explain that he smells a bit ripe, and then when you go to spray him, aim the can discretely at his eyes.

[@src6339]

Step 1 should have been, get your bird dog to do everything in their power to make sure your opponent doesn't get to the game in the first place and therefore has to concede, making you win by default. That way you don't even have to go through the façade of pretending to even play the game.

[@sodapopbrosky]

hahaha. old gypsy rule, break a finger after the match for every time a person is caught cheating. it's a great way to keep people playing fair. and great for story telling around the club.

[@alexnewton1999]

Is this a jojo's reference

[@Darkfire966z]

You forgot to mention, rolling dice behind terrain pieces and then changing the numbers as you drag them into view. A common cheat tactic that is used by many.

[@kreedsutherland4207]

It works so damn well though

[@KertaDrake]

When all else fails: Get addresses of everyone who normally plays at the location and steal all their armies. Victory by default!

[@ShouVertica]

Step 1 Play necron. Step 2.Collect tears.

[@MadMage86]

I've seen all of this tried; and I've seen all of it failed. 1. I read all rules when invoked. I probably have a copy of your codex memorized. I can probably recite the page your rules are on better than you can, along with a few you didn't even know about. 2. I can count dice at a glance and often catch players using too many; or too few. I might have Asperger's.

[@sean2549]

MadMage86 im much the same my knowledge of the rules is to good to cheat me out of anything unless your using weighted dice i wouldnt fall for much of this any one that would try this tho is a total douche tho.

[@Lord_Jamesinatre]

You most likely do

[@paulmacklin7059]

MadMage86 Yeah same here

[@heckicusdoomicuswizardus1382]

r/iamverysmart

[@fussel676]

What a madlad :O

[@destrotek754]

Love the "bird-dog" part, funny stuff. The "GG, it looked like he was winning anyways" part was my very favorite. That would be SO annoying to hear if you were the victim. I think step 11 could very well be the slow-model-pickup that another guy mentioned, where the opponent has to wait an obnoxiously long amount of time to get access to his models on the ground.

[@Makarislethal]

Step 1: play as necron Step 2-12: play as necrons with all flying units besides immortals and HQ

[@severenti]

And despite all of this, you have lost consistently to Paul's Tyranids for 7 years running? LOL

[@WarBoy87]

It's not serious dude...

[@severenti]

Sarcasm is hard to convey through text, but I was being sarcastic.

[@Lucian1227]

Loved it Dave my abs got a workout from all the laughing i was doing.

[@jackthompson2578]

the worst types of comments are the smug 'yeah, i'll let you have that' after a debate on something ambiguous such as line of sight, or weather a dice is cocked, or how many models are under a blast marker. As if their beneficence knows no bounds when you are sure you are correct.

[@Geerladenlad]

This video should be titled: How to guarantee people won't want to ever play with you.

[@furrydoesgames]

step 11 daemonette of slaanesh cosplay

[@nicolasstrisovich9652]

The new models for daemonettes are scarycreepy

[@furrydoesgames]

Nicolas Strisovich you have to live in the warp to see their real beauty

[@nicolasstrisovich9652]

HERESY! :P

[@furrydoesgames]

Nicolas Strisovich NONBEALIVER!!! CHILDREN FO THE EMPEROR KILLL HIM!!!.... OR HER!!!!!

[@RGC-gn2nm]

Argue every LOS, Measure bases and double check every measurement until they rage quit.

[@KC622V2]

step one should have been bring 45+ markerlights

[@antigenious121]

step 11 when versing Dave keep referencing that he is a Mormon who plays an army based around being possessed by daemons and workshipping essential devils. Dem feels Dave Dem feels Dem feelz DEME FEELZE

[@TROLLZORD101]

11. Pull a knife. Work every time

[@DuskAstartes]

step 11 is the officio assassinorum... kill your opponent and you really did win

[@saberaq]

Step 11: CONSUME THEIR PLANET'S BIOMASS AND UTILIZE IT TO BECOME THE ULTIMATE PREDATOR

[@battlefrog5589]

OMNOMNOMNOMOMOMNOMNOMOMOMOMNOMNOMNOMOMNOMNOMOM

[@davidscott9772]

So increadibly evil Dave......... Your my hero. Can't think of a step 11 as the list is so wonderfully comprehensive already!

[@highkingfingolfin9773]

The Lord of Change approves of this video, you've been noticed and you will be rewarded.

[@AdmiralxAvocado]

step 11, tweet your victory before your opponent can access any social media outlet ALL GLORY TO THE GALACTIC PARTRIDGES, PARTRIDGES #1!

[@lucinaaugusta7279]

Step 1 - play grey Knights

[@cyclone8974]

Step 1 - play Eldar There I fixed it.

[@LCliffhanger]

step 1 bring a primearch and say u meant 30K models

[@stevesanderson1119]

play tau

[@maukka1545]

FUCKING VAG-FACED FISHPEOPLE!!!! IVE WON 0 GAMES AGAINST THEM WITH MY BLACK TEMPLARS!!!!!!!

[@lucinaaugusta7279]

+TheRealAdolfHitler dude chill

[@YourFriendlyNeighborhoodNinja]

This Was a Hilarious Video. I think You guys should do more of these funny videos again. I want to see more of those gross food challenges again. 🤣🤣🤣 HAPPY WAR GAMING!!!

[@tonyhind6992]

The old measure it put aside the tape and move as far as you want. Been used against me lots.

[@LightW]

2 years later, this is still the best tabletop video ever! xD

[@CraigSegger]

Don't forget the "ignore the points limit" cheat, if your opponent doesn't know the points cost of your units just chuck in some extras

[@davidmcrae4791]

Of course the chaos player makes this guide

[@braynceltheartificer]

Step 11: play Codex Space Marines and field multiple chaptermasters so you can launch multiple orbital bombardments

[@william291077]

Funny video, I am sure there are people out there taking notes. Good job Dave.

[@zachariebolduc7931]

This is going into my favorite video of all time play list

[@williamtorres4140]

Jajajajajaja I love this game, it's been almost 8yrs since I've seen The Cooler and Jay in a video. Amazing to see how MWG has grown.

[@tylerdurden9164]

step 1 make a good list step 2 deploy properly step 3 use strategy step 4 pray to RNJesus step 5 fire for effect

[@Eddneton94]

+Tyler Durden step 5 ??? step 6 profit

[@davedogge2280]

With my enemies codex on my Android tablet as epub and my killer army, you are owned my friend. That birddog is like a hapless Satan's little helper.

[@25angel20]

Step 11: get Birddog to pick up twin-linked lasgun(flashlights) and blind your oppoment to turn enemy dice to lower

[@InfinityIdiots]

I’m laughing so hard I feel like I’m dying OMG awesome sauce in a awesome sandwich does not come near this fracking awesome video. Love it

[@GnomeWarriorsRock]

Well done for showing what sarcasm is.. :D I know it's a difficult concept, but Dave was pointing out what NOT to do. Good job Dave!!!

[@ShawnEnge]

Beautiful satire. Loved it.

[@RegensDominor]

Warhammer is no place for cheating. Even if you won you'll know you didn't actually win. Nothing right with playing dirty, you're just telling yourself you're a shit player

[@malekiththewitchking2799]

honestly I can see 'most' Chaos and Tau players doing these sorta thing

[@victorb6537]

I came back to this and it is hammier than I remember lol. I missed miniwargaming. It's good to be back in the hobby.

[@sparkee666]

that is the best video, It all works as well. the 11th one is the accidental move, sneeking your HQ into heavy cover or curving the move to get a couple of extra inches. If you correct the possitioning of your piece to give them a better line of sight.

[@Chickenplague1]

This, is quite possibly the best video ever.

[@TomtomTM1]

THAT IS HERESY. Which is a good thing. Thanks fellow Chaos Champion.

[@chandlermorris1]

Looking like you got a little sun there, Dave.

[@davedogge2280]

looks to me that bird dog is the ultimate devil's advocate

[@TheKoada]

Step 11: Slowly eat a pie with the words "Khorne" on it.

[@TehChocco]

I love Owen... that jack sauce player.

[@illesizs]

Step 11: Point out tiny flaws in your opponent's models and say: "You couldn't win with THOSE in a milion years!

[@pawa241]

I love how many people are taking this seriously.

[@gkspain1]

Lol, love it,all the best Garry

[@kieransnow5359]

Step 11: Report to your nearest commisar for 'moral reconditioning'

[@KenLeonhardt]

There couldn't have been any better actor than Jay for this. He is just TOO good for this role! :D

[@miketaco4996]

Or play like Matt, call out every cocked die that would benefit you while never once doing the same for your opponent, and require to know exactly what your opponent is coming to the table with,

[@kieranmalenoir8705]

step 11: tell the other player if they had won You where going to buy them a titan for Xmas

[@iana3892]

Step 11: Everyone left you, nobody likes you, they’re all out without you, having fun.

[@eugenemcnamara9323]

Dave thanks for always making me laugh and smile. Life is good ; }

[@juangonzalez9848]

What's funny is I always put out a decoy army before we set up. Then when we start to deploy I grab some of those models then start pulling out all of the ones from my carry boxes that I will actually be using. It's great when you see their faces fall because they min-maxed for what they thought you would be taking rather then what you did. In the occasional case of an opponent who doesn't do this all is fair because he wasn't being a cheatsy barstard.

[@benodell654]

I just tell peeps my army stays in the trunk of my car until they are done making their list. (to clarify, there's only one army in my car when I go to the gaming store).

[@powerofrah]

all the employees should have a showdown bat rep against each other

[@eclivonianwarrior3558]

Step 11: Moo victoriously. Ignore any and all circumstances, just do it.

[@Haggismckilt]

Step 11: If loosing act surprised all of a sudden and "remember" you had some stuff that was meant to be in reserve! Just go grab a couple of units and deep strike em in next turn.

[@theberzerkir]

I just got such a grinch smile from watching this

[@JasonSmith-eo2hu]

i liked the roll behind the ruined building when you are both sitting down, they arent gonna look

[@Pawiie]

Some people in my club usually tries the part about rules, so now everyone has gotten the habbit of looking up the rules when mentioned.

[@roguecarrick816]

when you encounter that one guy with a photographic memory who owns all the codex's and the rule book.

[@trevsmith6719]

I've a friend called Liz who doesnt have a photographic memory, but she seems to know every rule of every book she has read, including DnD 3.5, 4th, and 5th. She also playus a bunchj of other games like MTG - it's mental how she retains all that knowledge. She's also one of the most brutal (but honest) players I know :P

[@Lindyn773]

At my gaming club, if you roll any dice off the table, they count as failing.

[@Terraborm_Studio]

Making battle reports for miniwargaming is a good start too. I’ve seen Dave cheat as well as Steve in AOS.

[@enderdrache]

And Then... HIDDEN BANEBLADE!

[@ugignadl]

Dave is so great in this video!

[@Shadowcabb4ge]

THE GODS ARE PLEASED WITH THIS PRODUCTION

[@larsglania9244]

i heared there are some guys out there who have bad table manners flips the lights out and crash the table ! OH NO WHAT HAVE IM DONE move !

[@ultimaoculis6389]

step 11 bring three imperial knights.

[@VideospamitmoRgi]

5 years later and still very entertaining :D

[@cronotekk9193]

I wonder how many eldar/tau alliance players watched this.