Child Psychology : How to Discipline a Child Who Hits

Children who hit are communicating aggression in an inappropriate fashion. Learn how to assert authority calmly with the assistance of a licensed psychologist in this free video.
Expert: Dr. Craig Childress
Contact: www.drcachildress.org
Bio: Dr. Craig Childress is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in the treatment of ADHD and angry-oppositional relationship disorders of childhood.
Filmmaker: Max Cusimano
Series Description: Raising children can be a confusing project at times. Improve communication with your child and resolve common issues with the assistance of a licensed psychologist in this free video series.

[@kwak76]

Back in the day they use corporal punishment. My dad would hit me if I got out of line. Few times punched me actually when I was a kid. It did leave some psychological damage. Later in life I punch my dad when I was older. So hitting doesn't solve anything but create fear. Saying that for the most part I came out OK. Never did drugs, or commit any crime ..etc. I knew other kids my age where the parents would beat the kid if they did something really bad. I knew one kid who would steal something. His dad found out and beat him. He never stole anything again. What I am saying is there was time hitting was OK..now they are saying hitting is not OK. But that's psychology for you. What they say OK now may not be OK later. Whose to say that controlled corporal punishment can work.

[@deads8n897]

The entire thing is most turn out fine with a slap on the back of the head, but some don’t and this is a preventative for those situations. It’s more than possible for something like a slap on the back of the head for doing something stupid to a very very very mentally unstable child can turn that child into a murder rapist or a child suicide. It’s not that a slap on the head will destroy most, but for the few people that it can, it’ll destroy them. Also, it’s easier to deal with a mentally ill child than a muring psychotic rapist that knows how to kill someone with any object in a room. So it’s more of a preventative for the unlikely but possibly extremely dangerous things. Also, to tone it down, it could just affect someone hard emotionally, which isn’t fun but nothing compared to what I said previously.

[@LightningFox7]

You said controlled corporal punishment. NOT beatings,that's different

[@MsMichigan]

I was hit with a wooden ruler, and spanked once or twice. I learned by 6, that what was wrong and always stayed in line. So it definitely worked for me. But this was not extreme, of course. My brother was a little bit naughter, so he was only spanked less than 12 times. He has anger issues now (he's 43) but that didn't play out until his closed headed injury from a car accident at age 16. So it worked out well for us. But we weren't "beat" by any means. Now my dad was beat, extremely, by his mentally ill mother (she was not diagnosed, but no people were at that time, but she showed A LOT of signs of bi-polar, which then I got, thanks to genetics, but I am on medication and of course, got a proper diagnosis. I had a lot of frustration issues before I was diagnosed, and didn't know what was "wrong" with me, even by the age of 5, I know something was wrong of me. But my attitude is extremely empathetic, to a fault, where I get used by people, but that result ends in extremely sadness and hurt, not anger). My dad has NEVER displayed anger.... EVER. I know they say the trauma moves down the family tree, but thank God, my dad stopped that pattern of abuse. He is also empathetic to a fault, and even gets stepped on by mom, which then in turn, we step in for him, and let her know that it's not ok to walk all over him. My point of my story is, not all children of abuse, pass on that trauma, or have anger issues. This is just my personal experience, so of course there are many people out there that have a different outcome. I'm BEYOND FORTUNATE that pattern of abuse stopped with him, and his brother also is the same way with his children. I think they knew how damaging it was to them growing up, and never wanted to put their children in that position, EVER.

[@taberfrench]

@@deads8n897 maybe some end up scarred from a little slap but the majority will be just fine…I slapped my dad as a kid once and he slapped me back. I promise you I never did it again. What’s worse though, one kid possibly a little scarred from a physical punishment or a whole lot of entitled asshole who never learned to respect others because they got away with everything. Some because their parents aren’t doing any parenting and let their kids misbehave without any consequences. But also adults are not allowed to even just grab a child by the arm and sit him down without risking a lawsuit…Some kids are just out of control and need a slap!

[@shaunbarnett2972]

I"ve seen kids throwing anger tantrums and there is no way in a million years they are going to listen to anything you have to say. At least in the short term, you absolutely must physically restrain your child and control them before they do any real harm to themselves or others and then later when they have calmed down, then you can talk to them in a calm, assertive voice as this guy suggests. But sometimes it's absolutely appropriate to physically 'influence' your children at that young age. If you love them you will physically interfere with them. It's the only thing they will understand at that age.

[@deads8n897]

sbarnett37tiger Barnes yeah, the idea is to do this kind of thing before it gets to that point

[@queensigal]

Hitting is not acceptable but you can hold their hands .An aggressive child needs limits but it probobly depends on why the child is aggressive

[@MsMichigan]

But if they're autistic, that's a whole different ball game. And to no fault of the child with a sensory issue, or with neurodiversity 🥺🥺🥺💙💙💙

[@caseyshep2585]

@@MsMichigan My grandson is autistic and no -verbal. He doesn't know enough sign language yet to express how he feels.. I agree... This is hard.

[@zion367]

​@@caseyshep2585it is hard, but today an authistic non verbal kid kicked my dog and the mom scolded me because I firmly told the kid that his behaviour was not okay. I mean... should I just allow him to kick my dog just because his mum does not have a grip on him?

[@MsMichigan]

People tend to forget that a child could be autistic. My nephew is 8, and has meltdowns, and he's very tall for his age, so people always think he's 10-12 years old, and looks like a "normal" child, because they're plenty of autistic children where you do not see the "physical" autism. A very favorite write of mine, is "I can't spank the autism out of my child, anymore than I can spank the ignorance out of you". So please, if you see a child having a tantrum, remember that child could be autistic, and does not comprehend right and wrong, as well as lacks a lot of social/empathetic skills 💙💙💙

[@ZakkuTakku]

Speaking as a former summer camp counselor who has worked with children of all ages: I've seen my fair share tantrums. Most were small and faded out after a few minutes. Then there were the big ones the lasted up to an hour (sometimes longer). In those moments it was very apparent that nothing we tried saying was getting through to the child, they just weren't going to hear it. They were angry, they were loud, they were trying to punch, kick, sometimes even bite. The cause of these episodes were usually the result of either being told by one of the counselors/staff members that they weren't allowed to do a thing that they wanted to (usually due to camp rules and safety policies), or one of the kids did or said something that just set them off. In those moments, no amount of 'talking' was going to change anything. All we could do was restrain the child (safely and appropriately of course) until they either finally calmed down, or the higher ups were able to get a hold of the parents/legal guardians to arrange a pick up (the camp I worked for was a sleep away camp. campers typically stayed 5-7 days per session). I of course realize that there's a big difference between being a child's camp counselor for a week (or longer), and being a child's parent for basically their entire life. But based on my (albeit anecdotal) experiences, I can tell you that no two kids are exactly alike. What causes one child to break down for no longer than 5 minutes, will cause another to break down for over an hour (sometimes several hours). Full disclosure: I was spanked on a couple of occasions during my childhood when I got too out of line. I used to believe that it was simply what parents do when their kids misbehave, but my feelings on it have changed quite a bit in recent time. I don't advocate physicality against any child, except for maybe restraint if/when a situation warrants it. I'm by no means an expert and I honestly don't know what the "correct" answer is. All I do know is that what works for one child, won't necessarily work for all children

[@alet4054]

My son is 5 and has been homeschooled all this time. Didn't get the chance to attend a regular classroom setting due to the pandemic. He can Have tantrums at home but I correct him right away, he hit me twice I spanked him right in that moment and it stopped. Just last week he started attending a summer camp (No over stay)....this only happened during drop off time he started hitting, screaming, and even bitting the teachers but he would calm down in less than 15 minutes . This continued the next 2 days, we got reports about his behavior. I know the uncertainty of not knowing what was going on and anxiety on his part cause this behavior. I don't know what to do. Our plan is for him to attend 1st grade following school year...I plan to talk with counselor about it and come up with a plan...maybe sit with him the first couple of days? What do you suggest ?

[@UntilxThexSunxDies]

Thanks for the work you do

[@sarahmartinez7609]

Wanted to share a bit of my story. My son is currently 2 and has been showing very aggressive behavior, hitting, slapping, punching, biting, pinching. You name it. Unfortunately he has been present during domestic abuse between his father & I. His dad also abused his two dogs in front of him. I tried everything I could think of. Time out, spanking, slap the wrist, raising my voice when telling him to stop, walking away, literally everything. One thing that consistently works is pretending to cry. He immediately holds me and hugs me when I start to cry. Then I explain that he is hurting me and it makes me really sad. He shows immediate remorse. But there’s also times when it doesn’t work and he has no care that it hurts me (it literally does hurt I have scratches and bruises all over) at that point I’m at a loss. I’m a single mother and it’s so hard to keep my patience sometimes but I came here just to see other views and share what works most of the time for me.

[@MsMichigan]

Have you had him examined to see if he's autistic?

[@sarahmartinez7609]

@@MsMichigan yes and she said he is not even close to being on the spectrum. He’s just a little guy with big emotions!

[@MsMichigan]

@@sarahmartinez7609 🫂🫂🫂💜💜💜

[@walterscott6785]

My 3 yo nephew hit my head few times it hurts, I fckn angry but contain it. His parent will hit him to keep him in check but I don't want to hit a freakin toddler. I feel like too soft and need to establish respect and order. Damn but this mad child is immune to soft talk. And used to violence. How to keep aggressive toddler in check?

[@anitaholst7671]

If I were you (and I mean this literally) I would get counseling for him and me. I think this is a situation where I would want guidance, and I think its important that my little guy's behavior is observed.

[@sunshine8495]

Some so called adults have this problem.

[@staceyw.6608]

What about hitting and aggression in play with minimal language communication? When reprimanded, they think it's funny.

[@gunlovingurls9200]

that's my problem to. I get down to eye level and she just laughs.

[@1Sweetness]

My child has Austin and does have behavior councilor coming into the house but it doesn't stop him

[@gwato82]

who is Austin can you send his email?

[@misscarolinaqueen5673]

But what do you do if that doesn’t work? My 5 year old daughter has ODD

[@daveg5847]

What do u do if that aint working and its getting worse and not better

[@Fish_dude2]

I ask my kid and he says "I don't know" and start to makeing faces...

[@ayeeerenee9360]

Frozenaaa lol

[@mzfitmama2361]

But when the child continues to get frustrated to where it becomes tattling it gets really old.

[@sjk2431]

Hi My dughter is 2 years now and b4 she use to hit on my face now stop but now she heard no word or anyone saying it she fall down from stand up and keep on banged her head .i m so worried how to stop that i trys difrents word

[@angelakonan438]

What

[@kellypawspa]

... Not sure if this video will help me... My toddler is only mean to our dog. :( They seem to be very jelous of one another....like some kind of strange sibling rivalry? Lol I can't find any advice on this specifically... Any advice is appreciated. T.y.

[@queensigal]

For older children would leave the situation.really?

[@jaymesforeal]

Any comments on how to handle a child (aged 10-13) that is hitting but isn’t doing so out of anger, but instead doing it out of need for attention and wanting to play?

[@queensigal]

What would you say about a 20 year old who hits?

[@watvid1]

Call the cops

[@slushdog1012]

My niece is about a year and four month, and slaps being hard, she pulls peoples hair and scratches people, I’m not sure what I should do.

[@walterscott6785]

How's your niece? I got this mad nephew who hit my head few times, it fkin hurts. This toddler immune to soft talk, his parent used to hit him. Any tips on how to keep this mad aggressive toddler in check without hitting back?

[@Johannes-sv4dk]

We should never beat a child!

[@PasscodeAdvance]

Any child or adolescent watching this?

[@AmricanEagl]

My two year old daughter hits and pushes her one year brother or any other kid, she is very violent and aggressive to the point my wife and I are afraid to leave her alone with other kids especially her brother. I really don’t know what to do with her 🙁 any suggestions?

[@trippin9298]

Block her from hitting, minimize the time they're alone and don't lose your cool. I work with kids with autism. It's easier said than done. Be consistent on your demands.

[@joannelaura592]

How did you get on, has she grown out of the aggressive behaviour? My almost 2 year old is doing this to the point I can’t take him to toddler groups and play centres anymore 😢

[@azeemece6865]

Hi! My kid also have same issue. Any solution for this?

[@LC-hv1qn]

My 2 year hit me once. I hit her back and it hasn't happened since. That was 5 years ago. She is an amazing little girl, loving, kind, and very social. Every situation is different. But she needed to learn boundaries. What ever you choose you must be consistent, diligent, and then explain why, and repair the relationship. It shouldn't be a beating, I don't ever spank her or hit otherwise. That's my two cents.

[@carmikuntis8607]

What about adults that have problems with hitting?

[@deads8n897]

Carmi Kuntis emotional counselor or anger management

[@nakedape20]

I want to see how his kids turned out LOL

[@gonzalesa82]

What age is “mid range”?

[@PasscodeAdvance]

Adolescent

[@ritasand8854]

Late elementary-middle school

[@ManojBhokare-gs1lf]

18 years child??

[@eiciuwnuibwbwicbwc]

If you time out a child he destroys stuff

[@marclabrie6027]

@@BlindGirlTech time outs don't work

[@jacquelinestump5812]

What if it's not the child?well... not in this situation, I've come across,it's not all the child's fault of being taught bad behavior towards other adults 😒 but,what is very apparent and very much the parents that are proudly enabling the child's bad behavior constantly without willingness to assist their child's redirection of their intentional rudeness? then, blaming other adults for their child's taught ignorance? or physical harm towards other children by hitting or pushing while in play...with the attitude of (my child can never do not wrong) point of view... in and out of public's view.

[@MsMichigan]

I have a nephew that is 7, and I just told my sister today, that her spouse instilled over competitiveness. He pushed a kid yesterday while he was playing soccer, and pushed a different child because my nephew wanted to be first in line. My brother in law created this, and my nephew now thinks being first, or being the best, is now the only way to go. He's acquainted that the only way to get love, is by being the best/first place. Now it's spilled over to everything, and not just sports 😒

[@ems8717]

So for a toddler you don't punish them by putting them in the corner because that's what I normally do

[@shandelable]

What if my child hits herself every time I raise my voice or try to discipline her!?

[@Kult365]

Might be frustration because she couldn't articulate her response, and if she can verbalise it, you may not be acknowledging her point of view sufficiently. (I'm not trained btw... ymmv)

[@sangitadesai2528]

When my child behaves aggressive I try to distract him with toys or kitchen utensil by teaching new way to play rather same procedural

[@fivemonkeys9548]

I get that distracting is the first thing to come to our mind because it is easy. but distracting is not the solution,; trust me it will not work in the long run. i made the same mistake

[@David-bh1rn]

Lead by example and hit them back

[@himanshugurjar9002]

Send them to gulag

[@gregsouthwell3328]

My child hits people because its fun. He laughs while he does it because he has a good time when he's hitting others. We have talked to him and talked to him and talked to him about it but he still does it. He's not angry at all.

[@VeroNika-gc7mb]

Can it be he is developing psychopathic traits? It is good idea to visit psychiatrist with this issue.

[@moongawddess8161]

Straight to the psychiatrist. I’d even consider putting him in a special school if I was going through that.

[@LC-hv1qn]

I bet if people hit back and hard that would end the behaviour

[@laersignihton]

​@@moongawddess8161yeah you should😆

[@paulom1315]

Joke