Choosing Yourself: Love Is Blind UK Demi & Ollie

[@cecidantass]

I think that scene in which Jasmine appears, she is imitating her mother's behaviour as being protective, but overstepping boundaries a bit...

[@alejandracardenaspalacios1910]

SO TRUE!! 😯

[@IshtarNike]

Absolutely. Great insight. I saw that and I thought, wow, she's going too far here. She needs to stop pushing.

[@tamcar04]

I was SOOOOO PROUD of Demi for choosing herself!!! ❤❤❤

[@cass_sorrel]

it makes the chaos of watching the show worth it to see lovely people like Demi learning and choosing themselves :')

[@madamecurious]

Then why did she go on the show in the first place? She could have chosen herself before deciding to participate!

[@xRaverxBabyx]

@@madamecurious she went on the show to find love, and instead, she found herself. ☺️

[@madamecurious]

@@xRaverxBabyx , that’s not the purpose of the show. The purpose of the show is to get married. If you (talking about Demi) are having problems with self esteem, please get psychological help first and THEN go on a show like this. Otherwise you are playing with another person’s feelings and heart. You can badly hurt someone who is seriously looking for a marriage mate.

[@xRaverxBabyx]

@@madamecurious I’m genuinely confused by your take on this, in the context of this video, and the show itself. Have you watched both in their entirety?

[@HanaRosePrevious]

Ollie actually dated Sharlotte, miss “SUBLIME” in the pods and after the show. He was physically into her. This show lends itself so heavy to LIMERANCE. And ladies we keep doing this in dating...finding an attractive successful guy and putting all our romantic dreams on him, before he’s had a chance to show his character or get to know eachother better. I always said from the start that Ollie and Demi’s connection only carried on because she poured into it and gave so much. Glad she realised it was off balance in time. It’s a good thing in a way he didn’t communicate in those few days cos the truth set her free.

[@ligli500]

Ollie's comment about Catherine ("She's pulling on what every man wants." @2:18 ) is surprisingly insightful because it's essentially what Freddie ends up saying at the end of the series too. Interesting that Ollie was able to pick up on that so early on in the process!

[@sweetiepazi]

That's why I really trust Ollie's choice in Demi. He was very careful choosing her, and Demi's personality proves that he was very sure of the qualities he wanted.

[@DarylSimpson58]

A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient.

[@peterwilliams6361]

There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things

[@DarylSimpson58]

Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..

[@peterwilliams6361]

This is helpful, I will look her up online right now...Thanks.

[@DarylSimpson58]

You wont regret it

[@dudaresende955]

So proud of u

[@dahliaherrod4301]

I think this couple really highlighted the importance of being with someone who is your complement, not the same. They can strengthen you where you are weak and stretch you a bit. Not an opposites attract though because then it's just conflict. Just complementary because then you can partner together, going in the same direction with different skill sets

[@alleycatfire]

It's too bad that Ollie wasn't able to step outside of himself and nurture Demi. They could have been a really strong couple! Even so, I think they both got something out of it. Ollie got to show himself that he can make substantive connections that aren't driven solely by lust and Demi got to grow her self-confidence and self-worth.

[@sweetiepazi]

@@alleycatfire THIS! I think they had a beautiful relationship. Although I’m not blaming Ollie, it's Demi who said no. We may contemplate about the reasons.

[@angelmushahf]

Love this review. I think Ollie was genuinely searching for a wife. but he and Demi didn’t have strong enough chemistry. And Demi was still dealing with her insecurities. I’m glad Demi said no at the altar, but, it seemed like Ollie was relieved when she said no. Like it took a weight off his shoulders. Not trying incriminate him, but, I think he only sees her as a friend, and didn’t want to deal with the backlash if he were to say no

[@ahmorgan]

Also, they're forced to make this decision so quickly. If they had more time together they could grow.

[@lp9074]

I agree.

[@dollyrevenge98]

I wholehearted agree with this. I think she knew from jump when they started seeing each other in Greece that he wasn't physically connecting with her and that's why she shut down but also tried to protect herself by standing by Ollie, telling everyone she was ok and choosing to believe change would happen. He loves her a friend!

[@lp9074]

@@dollyrevenge98 100%. I also noticed he said ‘I date girls like Demi’ meaning black/ mixed race girls which I’m sure is true but he never once said in Jessie’s interview or the reunion Demi is my type. Using the fact that he doesn’t date women like Catherine as a distraction and everyone was eating it up. He talks in circles but the people aren’t listening. Demi is beautiful but she is not his type. There was a clear disconnect and she could feel it hence her shutting down. I think this experiment made her realise she was not all the way healed because she was still seeking validation and approval from someone who was clearly not in love with her. Almost to the point of trying to convince him to see her but in the end he left her no choice but to walk away by ghosting her. I wish he was honest with her from the start this could have saved her the heartache. People saying ‘well she said no at the altar’ why should she have said yes to empty words?’ As she said on her podcast he is a ‘showman’ He knows how to perfectly craft his words but energy doesn’t lie. I just hope more women pay attention to men like this and see through the bullshit, it will save a lot of heartache in the future. Painful lesson to learn. And now he’s got his baddie talking about ‘undeniable chemistry’ 😂 typical.

[@dollyrevenge98]

@@lp9074 right! so many people could not see through Ollie. On the show, his excuse for lack of intimacy with Demi was that he didn't want to "ruin their deeper connection" by going too fast. When has a man ever refused intimacy in the dating stage. He wasn't honest about his physical attraction.

[@gwendee5070]

I always thought Ollie was not physically attracted to Demi. He struggled with it. Demi uses her tomboy energy (on purpose) that hides her self-consciousness about her body and self-esteem.

[@ahmorgan]

But question, do you think that matters in the real world? Like if they had more time, could he grow to become more attracted to her?

[@toomuchinformation]

​@@ahmorganNo. For a woman it can happen, but if a man isn't attracted to a woman immediately, he rarely grows to become attracted to her.

[@ahmorgan]

@@toomuchinformation this is based on what exactly?

[@toomuchinformation]

@@ahmorgan This is what comes out of men's own mouths. They're highly visual creatures, they never tire of mentioning it. I've also watched several LIB in and "Married At First Sight" in different countries. Whenever the man decides to refrain from having sex with the woman for a long time (or not at all) , they never stay together. But it HAS happened the other way around. Ollie wasn't sexually attracted to Demi but thought that she was good wife material, but that wouldn't have sustained him. I also think he's not ready to marry at all. He needs to get his Playa life fully out of his system.

[@ahmorgan]

@@toomuchinformation this is an interesting perspective to have. So for all of the women who aren't conventionally attractive, will they ever have genuine love?

[@FishareFriendsNotFood972]

I just think Ollie started checked out romantically and just got more and more checked out and shred Demi's self esteem the whole way down. Awwwww, I loved Demi and I'm glad she said no, she deserves someone openly excited about her!

[@ahmorgan]

Can I ask what did you love about her? Not to be facetious, I'm just curious what other people are seeing and experiencing.

[@FishareFriendsNotFood972]

@@ahmorgan She was brimming with hope and seemed to wear her heart on her sleeve and was quick to laugh and smile. I'm a more reserved and cynical person myself, so I am drawn toward those more 'open' personality types. 🙂

[@eponymous2684]

@ahmorgan She was easygoing and fun and emotionally available. She was vulnerable and didn't exhibit crazy behavior to hide it or project it. She was kind and gentle with Ollie, even at her lowest points with him. She didn't talk bad about him to her girls and to him it was just mild joshing. She seemed to be a lovely person and it seemed like most everyone and their little community liked her

[@lp9074]

@@ahmorganI’ve been saying the same thing. I feel like it’s coming from a place of pity? She didn’t stand out in any way to me

[@mamamamam1066]

@@lp9074 I find it condescending to assume it's pity just because you didn't view her the same. I thought she was really genuine, I like genuine people. And kind. I wasn't thrilled about how she viewed herself at the start, very low self esteem, but I loved that she grew to accept and love herself. I appreciate people who use difficult situations to grow. And her speech at the end, the fact that she was so kind to Ollie even though his behaviour was hurtful, spoke volumes about her character. Decent people are rare.

[@dontme4132]

It’s a good thing that Demi went first, because Ollie would’ve rejected her if he went first. I think he was RELIEVED. Now he doesn’t have to be the bad guy.

[@ViviCyberBubble]

Demi's a sweetheart 😭🩷 I wish her the best.

[@gwendee5070]

I love your analysis!! please do Freddie and Catherine!?

[@ladyofspa]

This show confirms and highlights all the components that make a relationship fulfilling must be present. I think Demi made sense to Ollie, but not in love she was right but not passionate. Ollie began to bond to demi, but i question if she felt desired by Ollie. I think she sensed both of thier lack of attraction and chemistry. Leaving her at the honeymoon party was inexcusable. That ADHD will be a challenge.... As for Jasmine she should have minded her business, and deserved to be told off!

[@toomuchinformation]

Jasmine did Demi a favour. Ollie's response to Demi after Jasmine's drilling down was quite telling.

[@debbieakadely1212]

ntm on jasmine, the approach was wrong but she always stands 10 toes down for people she cares about

[@sinai414]

PLEASE can you give us an analysis of Steven and Sabrina based on their behaviour in the reunion episode 😱

[@Nomad332]

I need this analysis because I did not understand the breakdown of their relationship

[@Alisha0413]

I agree, that would make an interesting video

[@Alisha0413]

@@Nomad332I mean they were pretty much long distance, Steven was focussed on his career and it seemed from the conversation that Sabrina was making a lot more effort to fit him into her life but she felt that he wasn’t returning her efforts so the relationship fell apart

[@margaretchandia9452]

Oh yes, a review/analysis on Steven and Sabrina would be awesome!

[@Eldeirdro]

Jasmine sees everything!!

[@yasminogbu8929]

This is what happens in general, we put hot people on a pedestal only to realise they are just human. We then start valuing the things that matter.

[@ViviCyberBubble]

Can't wait for you to do Cat and Freddie

[@michellegrantvaughn1561]

That was so great to watch. This video is a self- contained self-help message-a reminder to have love and compassion for oneself and remember one’s worth. Such a feel good video to keep and refer to when feeling any self-doubt! Love it Dr Cherie! And way to go Demi❤️

[@SEOshogun]

Oh wow, If they're the same type, it doesn't shock me that they had so little apparent physical chemistry. Not enough friction

[@cass_sorrel]

There can still be lot of friction even when people have the same MBTI type because people are more complex than their MBTIs! MBTI only talks about preferences in cognitive function use, which doesn't account for things like our stories, our race, gender, background, enneagram (motivation), level of differentiation from your family of origin (relatedly, how reactive you are), interests/passions, etc. What is known as "chemistry" can also be about unresolved stuff and/or unconsciously being drawn to each other's shadows (both positive and negative shadow aspects!). I've seen people who have the same MBTI type have high chemistry with each other because they trigger/bring up each other's unresolved stuff I'll give an example: Vocal, artistic and adventurous INFJ man feeling drawn and super attracted to INFJ woman who is very in touch with communicating needs and boundaries; INFJ woman might feel attracted to this guy because he's an artist/musician and she's suppressed that part of herself that expresses outwardly, even while being super connected to her inner world. Even though she's in touch with her inner voice, she is not good at sharing her voice externally with others. She might find how easy it is for him to do this incredibly sexy. On the flip side, the man might be comfortable using his voice and sharing his observations, but out of touch with his needs/boundaries and spends most of his time analyzing and projecting on others, rather than looking internally. He is drawn to the ways that she seems to know very well what she needs and might find her courage very sexy. That leaves both INFJs in this situation recognizing in each other (consciously or subconsciously) areas that they need to grow or haven't claimed. A lot of human attraction is about that subconscious recognition. The assumption is that growth and/being around people who are strong where you are not makes the unit stronger (whether it is the couple unit, the community, the family, etc). They might also have different motivations they prioritize (which is where enneagram enters the picture). For instance, one INFJ might have type 4w5 motivations, and the other might have type 9w1 motivations. 9s and 4s are often "opposites" in their motivations, but are often really attracted and drawn to each other/marry each other/in sexual relationships with each other. So MBTI alone cannot predict physical attraction or lack of!

[@cass_sorrel]

speaking for myself, level of reactivity and differentiation from family of origin has predicted whose bones I want to jump more often than MBTI lol. I fantasize more about a mindful person of my same or similar MBTI type more than I do an impulsive/reactive opposite, even when both have physical appearances that I am attracted to. Or, once I see how impulsive someone is, I usually stop feeling sexually attracted to them. Some people drool over impulsive people. I can't relate.

[@oksanaml9279]

I think Demi's father had taught her she's very worthy of being a priority; her parents' marriage sets a high bar for her. She's a giver and Ollie more of a taker.

[@luckyrabbit2]

@@oksanaml9279yes! She has a loving father in her life. Makes a world of difference in dating

[@user-no2xe1pe1l]

I'm happy Demi and Freddie said no.

[@kedeine1]

To be fair, I don't see Ollie putting Demi down.

[@sweetiepazi]

Me too! He was always so gentle with her!

[@xRaverxBabyx]

Right?! Like, there are people accusing him of gaslighting her but any time anyone has ever been honest about their lack of physical attraction on this show, they’ve been vilified for it?! Rightly so in some cases, (for example, Shake and Bartise), and not in others (for example, Jessica, and Lucas from LIB Sweden). I honestly believe that Demi and Ollie loved/love each other, just as friends rather than romantic partners.

[@eponymous2684]

To me, Demi was the most beautiful one there but those few extra pounds prevented her from experiencing herself that way. And Ollie confirmed Demi's feelings by being so inattentive. It broke my heart to see but this whole thing was a growth opportunity for bith if them. Unfortunately, only Demi rose to the occassion and experienced growth. Ollie dropped the ball so many times but maybe it was due to lack of interest. Dr., you articulated everything I intuitively felt about Demi and Ollie, and the progression of their relationship. Love your analyses of these relationships!

[@ahmorgan]

How did he drop the ball?

[@eponymous2684]

@ahmorgan he dropped the ball to me by telling her he loved her and wanted to marry her but failing to show it in deeds instead of just words, especially in public. She had expressed her insecurities and he had opportunities to prop her up as his woman but every opportunity he had to do that he stepped back rather than forward. The extended conversation he held with Cat, and then with Bobby and then brushing her off. Never Hugging her or kissing her around all of the other couples nor holding her in a way that says this is my woman, like the rest of the men were doing. The others were acting like they were enjoying being around their person.

[@luckyrabbit2]

@@ahmorganwow did you watch the video and show?

[@ahmorgan]

@@eponymous2684 so after a few weeks of talking and a few days of knowing her, he didn't do the so-called perfect thing and he dropped the ball? Is Demi perfect? Ollie looked very uncomfortable and she didn't seem too helpful or warm in my opinion.

[@bdrp99]

I don’t know, I feel like they do love each other. I guess we’ll see in the long run. Maybe it’s better as a friendship, to me it looks like a soul bond regardless. Friendship is no less valuable than romantic love. I think other people were also perpetuating this idea (fatphobia & misogynoir) of Demi being undesirable.

[@sweetiepazi]

Thank you! I agree with you.

[@HanaRosePrevious]

They aren’t on the best terms and he’s with Sharlotte

[@lp9074]

Loved her as a friend yea. Like a sis

[@Margriet101]

Hm i dont know some people can handle beining put in the friendzone but you need to have a flexibel ego for that😅

[@marilynharper5854]

Happy Demi told Ollie no at the wedding she needed reassurance support & listening to her feelings

[@sharee1100]

I'm not really sure it is a situation where she necessarily choose herself. I think that she lacks self-confidence and never really believed that he could be attracted to her. For some strange reason the world never believed he could be attracted to her, but he was. I think he's the kind of guy who attracts a lot of women but that doesn't mean that he can't fall for someone and actually want to settle down. Oftentimes if you exude confidence people believe in it and that makes you desirable. Some of the issues in their relationship were caused by her insecurities. With that being said, he also caused some problems in the relationship as well because he was not reassuring at all and oftentimes he would gaslight her. I think this is an example of two people who need to work on themselves before they actually engage in a serious relationship. There is no bad guy in this situation in my opinion. However they both need work and growth.

[@lolaispure4296]

He wasnt. And she didnt sell herself short. What he had for her wasnt strong. Even a blind person could see it

[@lp9074]

@@lolaispure4296her weight had nothing to do with it but what I think is very telling is people bringing up her weight whenever lack of attraction is mentioned as if there aren’t many other reasons why he couldn’t be attracted to her. She is not a girly girl, she is not a sexy girl. She is more of a tomboy and I don’t see that to be his type. I think this put her in the friendzone because he couldn’t connect with her energy. Even the way she dressed in Greece did not seem authentic. She was trying to be what she thought he would like and it fell flat

[@Gerbera726]

​@@lolaispure4296yup. They could've been good friends but not lovers.

[@sheila1391]

Demi is truly a gem❤

[@nika_lain]

Dr Cherie, thank you for another amazing video!! I’m not sure you have stayed it anywhere, but can you please share what is your mbti/cognitive function stack is? Thank you ☺️ Looking forward to more videos covering this season!

[@nicoleh1680]

These videos are really insightful. I enjoy your way of breaking down the behaviors we are able to observe. I would really like to know more about Ollie's perspective on the wedding. His "Why?!" seems like he had no awareness of where her heart and mind were. I'm glad this process seemed to be positive for Demi. She deserves to find her real match!! Oh wait, is the reunion out now? I will have to go watch that!

[@being-Lisa]

Awesome review Dr. Cheri. Demi is so lovely ❤

[@amn09257]

Such an excellent review! Loved that you picked up on her using a wifi signal vs hearts lol.

[@Eldeirdro]

Loving the frequency of uploads Dr Cherie. We missed you for a few months!

[@Shhmallison]

I still maintain you can't love yourself or others if no one loves you. How can you do something you haven't seen modeled

[@no.6377]

It's a skill someone in that situation will have to learn the hard way, but it's doable. Especially with professional help. Plenty of people experience love in a dysfunctional way and then have to unlearn before learning better ways. 😊

[@Shhmallison]

@@no.6377 yeah exactly you need help and love from ppl

[@Shhmallison]

@@no.6377 yes I agree! Ppl do need that help from others like a professional to show them safety love and healthy relationships

[@yagushka]

What about Freddie and Cat? I’m listening carefully ❤️

[@marilynharper5854]

Demi & Ollie seemed more like best friends gonna put you in friend zone circle so sorry

[@janinepolanco319]

I looooooove Demi!

[@olasehindedaniel8512]

How y’all suddenly making it look like Ollie was the problem. Dude really tried to put so much effort and stay committed to her

[@Ketobodybuilderajb]

Going for similarities always bored me after two months

[@JoBunny87]

To defend Ollie, it's hard to be attracted to someone that insecure.

[@jubiterr]

I'm surprised at Ollie being Se dominant considering he has ADHD. Indeed there are so many variations in the way one experiences ADHD and the way it manifests on a day to day basis but a core trait is having a hard time with concrete wordly things. I wonder if you have experience typing neurodivergent people, especially those with a ADHD diagnosis. As always, amazing commentary, can't wait for the Freddie/Catherine dynamic video!

[@xRaverxBabyx]

Se and Ne are both highly prevalent in ADHDers, I’ll find the link to the research article I read if you’re interested? Also, I believe concrete worldy things is more Si than Se. Se is more abstract worldy things, just like Ne is abstract and Ni, concrete.

[@jubiterr]

@@xRaverxBabyx yes thank you, i’d love to read that article

[@RR-mv1vr]

The way ollie said why? Is why Femi needed to say no he said it like ‘you’re saying NO to ME!’ I like Ollie but felt he and Demi just wouldn’t have worked I also feel like the gym question is a round about way of finding out about body shape if she had said ‘I like to eat’ but n the pods I really doubt Ollie would have picked her Does anyone know why women can’t propose????

[@toomuchinformation]

Can't they? One did in LIB Brazil.

[@trafficcontrol2420]

Ollie lost a good one but she deserves someone on her level maturity-wise.

[@cass_sorrel]

Demi

[@quorraquar2677]

💜💜💜

[@ahmorgan]

There's this online backlash against Ollie that I don't understand. Is it a black thing? I don't get it. He's not a villain at all but he seems to be more despised than Sam.

[@toomuchinformation]

He doesn't seem totally genuine. He says the right things, but (to me) they feels insincere. He's trying to force an attraction and isn't succeeding. He doesn't love Demi, but love what she DOES for him. I don't care for Sam, but the worst one in my opinion is Tom. Such a horrible little man, who has gone under the radar.

[@ahmorgan]

@@toomuchinformation what did Demi do for him from your pov? It's like I'm watching a different show.

[@levels2013]

I don't understand the dislike for Ollie either. Even Demi expressed continued respect towards ollie. I think the problem is people find it difficult to believe that a conventionally attractive guy could truly be attracted to someone who isn't a size 2. So even with Demi confirming that Ollie didn't do anything wrong and was affectionate privately, people struggled to believe it. I don't like PDA either, and I'm very attracted to my husband. This grinds my gears!

[@lp9074]

He is far from despised. His insta follower count is going up daily, most comments are positive. Some people saw him to be fake and disingenuous. I for one was not buying what he was selling but who cares. People as a whole will never be on board with the same opinions when watching a show. We are all viewing things from our perspective and mine is that he faked it from the minute those doors opened. Demi is like one of his boys and it was never going to work. He’s found a babe he’s more attracted to and that’s fine. If only he was honest from the start

[@ahmorgan]

@@lp9074 I think the perception has been changing since he's done interviews and since the reunion. Before, people were calling him disgusting, a gaslighter, loser, ewww, etc. I didn't get it. I could understand when it happened to Clay last season, (even though Matt, Jeramey, Jimmy, and Trevor were just as bad if not worse) but I didn't understand it with Ollie.

[@TheMaxymama]

I'd love to see Sabrina and Steven. They're so cutesy!!❤

[@HanaRosePrevious]

This didn’t age well post reunion lol

[@TheMaxymama]

@@HanaRosePrevious 🤣🤣💯💯 I was so disappointed

[@Grace_Zandile97]

Demi and other participants should reconsider rejecting someone at the altar. It can cause deep emotional trauma. If unsure, address it earlier to avoid lasting harm. Prioritize empathy and care.

[@alnsubuga]

That isn't how the show works. The whole point is for the final decision to be made at the altar. Contestants from previous shows in the US have confirmed that there's a clause in their contracts about paying a fine if they leave the show early (i.e. instead of saying I don't at the altar).

[@TheDiamondEdge1]

Agree with you.

[@SEOshogun]

Except it seems that Demi did take care of Ollie constantly, and Ollie continuously rejected her throughout the process, so i don't think she had any choice but to say no.

[@Grace_Zandile97]

​@@SEOshogun yes but couldn't she knock at Ollie's room and break up while he is getting dressed on his wedding day?

[@Grace_Zandile97]

​@@alnsubugakarma has a clause too.. . Dumping someone in front of friends and family.

[@anncokafor]

I'm not surprised Sam and Cat are both ESFJ. They are like the insecure siblings for ISFJs.

[@dn8015]

I would find someone talking about herself endlessly like Demi does extremely off-putting. She seems nice but a bit of a mess.

[@amn09257]

Such an excellent review! Loved that you picked up on her using a wifi signal vs hearts lol.