Chris Distefano's 9/11 Story

[@chrisdcomedy]

YAASSSSSSSSSSS! APPRECIATE ALL YOU BABES CHECKING OUT THIS CLIP! I WAS LIT!

[@ammech8750]

WXZ

[@apollo2426]

This was great man. 10/10 comedy you are def on my top list of comedians to watch now!

[@raccoonchloe]

CHRISSY D!!!!!!!!!

[@johnyhuizar7527]

Bro, you're fucking hilarious lmao

[@SurgeryIsWoke]

Shut up...BILL

[@Delphiraee]

“I’m daddy’s little princess and I know what daddy wants”😭😭😭😭

[@MalloryNewcomb]

Bunny Rodriguez ☠️

[@blakehutchison3962]

💀💀

[@MrJeo29]

That's what we colloquially call 'a mood'

[@thecouncilspodcast3428]

It was good until the 😭😭😭😭

[@BRILLiantMindzMedia666]

Bunny Rodriguez 🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@alljello3880]

This guys just a natural he doesn’t even seem like he’s trying

[@whytower]

i think the alcohol was doing all the heavy lifting.

[@sadtoast6122]

Bro he's just telling a story

[@chrislovesannick]

Sad Toast hater

[@sadtoast6122]

@@chrislovesannick naw like I agree with him it's as easy as telling a story who says I'm hating??

[@aidans4588]

Sad Toast bruh you really think comedy is just getting up there and telling a funny story? Try telling a Dave chapelle home and it won’t even be half as funny as it is when he is it

[@ohnoyoyo]

"... well look at that! whoopdeedoo! you're not on the phone" the most New York thing ever said.

[@sayville_silver]

Now you're not on the phone. **

[@Nemo0279]

I swear my dead aunt's ghost just came through my house after that phrase. Rattling walls and shit like she pays the bills here

[@blazerfan2328]

Pictured Adam Sandler saying that at that part for some reason lol

[@BigJsSecretStash]

@@WillaHerrera ?

[@quickHitter5080]

“Crissy, Lock the fucking door”

[@enderjh-2560]

“They got the wrong guy!” “Here’s the thing, no they didn’t”

[@sabrinaz670]

I CACKLED

[@kellyinCT09]

"I know how the law works, ya fuckin' scumbag." 🤣🤣 I ugly laughed

[@Papabandana]

Maury in a nutshell

[@deliciasmith744]

🤣😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@ericaritchie2543]

I have a headache now from laughing so hard and my side hurts I pulled a Sal Vulcano watching this I slipped plum off the couch into the floor and I had to catch my breath before I could actually get off the floor 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@Vmole1]

What I love about this is he's just drunk enough that it fucks up his delivery a little but in a way that makes it funnier while retaining all the goodness. Seriously one of the best bits in the history of comedy.

[@apez_cbo8572]

100%, good observation

[@1123awesomeness]

That "never forget" joke was GOLD

[@keving90]

Kunstler Kunstlerr it’s been 18 years... i don’t think “too soon” is applicable anymore

[@JDJD-mw9rr]

@Kunstler Kunstlerr we all saw it happen, its been almost 19 years its not "too soon"

[@yrvjutrtubxsyi]

It was lmao

[@xXmacan99Xx]

Kunstler Kunstlerr stfu

[@coffeytv]

LMFAOOOO facts

[@wesleycaffrey8149]

He is so New York it hurts

[@davidec.4021]

@ghadixsa nice

[@ghadixsa]

Davide C. Glad u think so

[@emanuelpapadopoulos1079]

Wesley Caffrey I think Ik what high school he went to going to an all boys catholic school in queens I think it’s holy cross

[@tahinafelisca4324]

@@emanuelpapadopoulos1079 No, I think he went to Archbishop Molloy.

[@emanuelpapadopoulos1079]

Tahina Felisca oh shit I forgot that was an all boys school at one point

[@jacobwissel7381]

As a all guy catholic high school alumni, when he said get a detention for having the top button unbuttoned... I felt that

[@patrickflaherty6586]

Me too..lol.. I one time got a demerit for walking up the "down" stairs.., he was my 10th demerit and if you got ten demerits you couldn't go to the prom. They let me go because I told them I already bought the boutonniere for my girlfriend and she's ready to get picked up and I have my suit ready and already paid for it..lol...

[@Andres-vo5uo]

That’s JUG

[@darrenmurphy7410]

Took a Claritin, i'm ready to suck a dick. I fucking lost my mind after that. Too funny.

[@javiruiz8365]

I went to a coed Catholic school in Napa and would get sent home for any dress code violation. I once forgot my tie for dress up day for mass and was sent home and got detention and had also had to go to Saturday school and do community service. 🥲

[@UnimpressedGoose]

Somebody really needs to animate this story

[@robertrossi9364]

I would love that

[@ErkFX]

Me an animation student: Hmmmm 🤔

[@Message167]

It is! Well taped as live action. Comedy Central did it. It's on youtube!

[@MCShvabo]

@@Message167 Yeah but this telling if the story is better.

[@Message167]

@@MCShvabo absolutely agreed. Just letting the OP know.

[@mwj9433]

This would be great on 'This is Not Happening'

[@nicksurfs1]

Michael Jeffrey I’m pretty sure it is.

[@Quantum_GirlE]

Michael Jeffrey oh crap! I legit I actually thought that was what I was watching. lol

[@susanneskadetsinnverdilsek5901]

"This literally didn't happened" lol

[@Daswassuphomie]

@@Quantum_GirlE how high are you 🤣🌱🌿🌿🌲🌲🌲🌲

[@JC-ev2ns]

It’s great just like this why would being on that dumb show make it any better?

[@righteousduke2704]

“That’s my father he’s …*gestures*… just… *gestures* …you know?” Absolutely, my man. Totally got it.

[@dylmwidner]

The fact that he doesn’t need a punchline to tell a story means this guy is going to be funny for a long time. I had tears in my eyes this entire video.

[@alexanderrose1071]

William Johnson this was just a story. He has jokes with punchlines and they’re very good as well

[@peteytrades3938]

I literally was crying. His one line commentary to punctuate points are unreal.

[@peteytrades3938]

@William Johnson the best part about it all, you can listen to someone else. Don't let us know who tho....

[@alexanderrose1071]

William Johnson two things. I love that you came back 14 hours later because this was so on your mind. Also, you told me a lot about yourself and your age in that you went and checked out some late night sets. Nobody below 30 checks out late night sets.

[@alexanderrose1071]

William Johnson I’m genuinely laughing really hard at the “get owned bitch” like you’re proud you did something. You didn’t. I’m also getting the sense that I was right.

[@aidenmiranda2466]

Best part is how many times he repeats, “i’m 17” “i’m on steroids” “true story” had me cracking up

[@Youwood667]

Im drunk right now !! LMAOOOO

[@timbo752]

And he unironically says “I’ll never forget”

[@ABC-pj8ly]

Your comment have 911 likes

[@vinkeyla23]

Aiden Miranda 🤣🤣🤣😭

[@metaljeremy]

Or "you know"

[@musingtoad714]

“When my dad called me by my transgender name” “Easy fucking breezy” Had me dying!!!

[@gabrielkeeler6122]

Is he trans?

[@michaelkeegan8902]

@@gabrielkeeler6122 no he's joking

[@igotskunkyfunky]

No his transgender name is Chrissy boneheaded bozzo easy breezy reminded him of cover girl.... mabaleen duh weiner breath get it right

[@certifiednerd542]

This is how you make trans jokes that ARENT offensive!! This was hilarious

[@AUniqueHandleName444]

@@certifiednerd542 the offensive ones are great too tho

[@theamazingspiderwuss4236]

“A chain that’s Jesus’ actual height and weight in gold” one of the best off handed remarks in the whole story

[@jondunmore4268]

Yes, but worked on and crafted for probably 3 months.

[@daynejoseph2366]

The fact that there’s 666 likes on this particular comment is the greatest thing ever. Nobody fuck this up.

[@deliciasmith744]

Right!🤣😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@Birdman2003]

What about me makes only 4 comments cuz no one wanted to touch it after the first comment...I'm all in

[@DaSkonk]

Couldn't agree more - an absolutely hilarious detail, just thrown in as a casual aside; legendary story-telling!

[@jakesweet1000]

the youtube algorithm recommended strikes hot again

[@andrewlemay2491]

Amen like this guy is hilarious

[@aryka922]

Right comedy algorithm is getting it. I think you gotta be tuned in to key players though.

[@aquaria1885]

Right after I watched him and Sal on Something’s Burning!

[@jakesweet1000]

@@aquaria1885 watched that last night, great episode

[@sadtoast6122]

Struck gold yo

[@joshuahorwitz6458]

I was at the Comedy Cellar on 9/12/19. Whilst it was an incredible night, and all the comedians killed, I will forever lament the fact I missed this set by one night.

[@cecilia4947]

The fact that his father is an actual criminal, but being expelled from highschool is what dishonors the family 😂

[@NAConen]

1) Even sociopaths usually have a sense of ethics. 2)At least the man still wants to honor the mother of his children by keeping his son in school. 3) I bet the kid didn’t get in any more fights in school after that.

[@thinkbeforeyoutype7106]

Hahaha

[@todx15]

LMAO

[@SKLZWL]

That's really how it is or was in my family too! I could get caught by the cops with 270 oxycontin and I'd be like "shit.." expelled from Catholic highschool!? "I can't go home!!” True story. Shouts out to Cardinal Dougherty in Philly. FUCK you Mr. Kane!😅

[@kaimiloamano5824]

Moral of the story Father and Principal are good friends!!! “Your worse enemy could be your best friend” Robert Nesta Marley

[@safoma]

This is Chris Distefano's The Machine story

[@Blackkeys12]

✪ Safoma but actually true...ish

[@philipribchester1994]

Only this story is hilarious

[@sdashia]

Except this is funny.

[@joseservantes8123]

You're kidding right? He's good, but this story ain't got shit on Burt's story

[@uncleiroh4650]

John Shepherd Bert’s story isnt as much funny as it is entertaining. This story will get you to howl in laughter. The machine story gets some chuckles but the main appeal is the absurd situation, not really its comedic appeal. But to each their own.🤷🏾‍♂️ Both sets are great

[@StudioMod]

This is one of the weirdest stream of consciousness types of routines I've ever seen. He just was riffing the whole thing but that story was hilarious. The part where his father looks at the ceiling and starts laughing then asks his son to lock the door murdered me. I hated my own principle. Seeing that shit would be hilarious

[@nologic29]

Stream of consciousness? Yeah it's called conversation.

[@chknrsandTBBTROX73]

@@nologic29 RIP Norm

[@nologic29]

@@chknrsandTBBTROX73 RIP the goat 🙏😭

[@SgtGatorade]

@@nologic29still makes me laugh man

[@prophetslost29]

The fact his delivery is on point despite being drunk is proof that comedy is not for just anyone. You have to have real talent to do this.

[@idontwantahandlethough]

I think people underestimate just how much practice goes into it though. It takes *years* of practice (and yes, probably natural charisma) to be able to tell a joke this effortlessly. Like most art, what appears to be natural, god-given talent is almost always just an absurd amount of practice.

[@rrpearsall]

He's not drunk or sober.. He's in the buzz zone.. the best state of mind

[@BrandNameLess]

well. if this actually happened. all this is true. he just reciting from memory. his impression of his father is gold. and he does fit a lot of relevant comedic adlibs in there. this is more just one of the best stories ever being told by an amazing story teller.

[@Calilou52]

@@BrandNameLess even if by chance it wasnt true, to tell such a great and detailed story while drunk without missing a beat that would be extremely talented too considering how long the story is. Either its a true story made hilarious by a great comedian, or its a consistently hilarious improvised 10+ minute story while drunk and in front of a crowd. I personally think its true, but my point is even if it wasnt it would be just as much talent being showcased

[@wheelerzg76]

watched this guy today for the first time, laughed my ass off... brilliant!

[@DJAnthologic]

One of the best stories ever! His delivery “drunk” is better and more genuine than many comedians sober

[@calisongbird]

Anthologic I don’t think he was actually drunk, I think that bit was just part of the act

[@SageGarlandSingerSongwriter]

When did you see a comedian sober lol

[@jh8307]

Seems like he's on speed as well lol

[@deemkn]

@@calisongbird He was actually drunk, they talk about it in one of their podcasts!

[@alexanderrose1071]

KZbinName he was not fully drunk, but quite tipsy

[@drv3973]

I’ve listened to this 30 times in the last few years. My fav stand up bit of all time.

[@karlwashere123]

Wow that was so connected. Homeboy was super comfortable. And it showed. Great show.

[@vqqqqq]

yeaaaaa alcohol does that, professor

[@adasouffront9885]

@@vqqqqq Well alchohol makes me very incoherent so I give him mad respect for that.

[@idontwantahandlethough]

@@vqqqqq this isnt just alcohol, this is years of practice + alcohol

[@maeganclark2012]

This was one of the best stand up bits I’ve ever seen.

[@kperreault420]

Now you ruined it for me cause there's no way it could be that good

[@Bradmhj]

Meh

[@hitzncritzmobilegaming9988]

The bar is set low for you then lol

[@kevindube7096]

He met Theo Von & decided to become a NY version of him. It’s allright tho 🤷🏽‍♂️

[@sub_second_life3174]

Oh man I’m laughing so hard right now 😂

[@benjaminstevens6043]

That was legitimately the funniest story I've ever heard. 1:50 am, south Austin, just me and a cigarette in the garage laughing my sweet ass off.

[@jordyjohn2275]

What the fuck is this your journal? No one cares you were smoking alone in the garage

[@lostinspace707]

@@Nairrrrrrr Pretty sure you read it wrong, he typed AUSTIN.

[@IdiotsIncorporated23]

I thought it was nice

[@stanleyshady9465]

1:57 am Pittsburgh, PA i was laughing for 12 mins straight

[@nateanbu859]

8:32 am South Texas and laughing as well

[@heyysimone]

"anytime he called me by my transgender name". Im walking around town trying not to piss myself laughing like a maniac

[@Q_QQ_Q]

lol

[@xxVeidxx]

Is he transgender ? (KZbin just got me here )

[@jackdaniel338]

xxVeidxx lmao no its a joke

[@JackJames-exe]

I'm transgender and I've never heard a funnier trans comment in a joke from a straight cis white guy in my life

[@katethepanfuckertm-9750]

Ik it's a joke but I don't get it pls someone explain-

[@VicAtNyte]

Joey Diaz should play your father

[@bryanparish8046]

Omfg YES!

[@neong]

Holy fuck, yes please!

[@Indi]

MY EXACT THOUGHT THE WHOLE TIME

[@jojack1234567890]

Does this count as Drunk History?

[@mangumangoo]

Chris and Coco exchanging stories would be a great podcast.

[@jenniferiurato5333]

he is so effortlessly funny it’s crazy, and the stories he has to tell are insane. watching the hey babe podcast and hearing some of the stories is the best and funniest thing ever

[@TCrob]

Feel bad for whoever had to follow him that night

[@loganwitte3477]

@MichaelSanguine the audience's raucous laughter says otherwise

[@TCrob]

@MichaelSanguine maybe if he whispered it in to the mic for you, you would have liked it.

[@cbd7575]

MichaelSanguine this was fucking hilarious. One of my favorite bits in recent memory

[@raqueldeshow9678]

@@TCrob WAAHAHAHAHAA

[@TheKatarinaGiselle]

MichaelSanguine you have a poor sense of humor..this guy’s set was incredible!

[@pixelgaming5254]

Chris destefano is the gayest straight man ever

[@jefersonvilaede]

yes he is. It's just what it is, guy. Chrissy chlamydia. AKA Chrissy Neither straight nor gay.

[@alyxchai1943]

John mulaney

[@chrishansen2409]

@@alyxchai1943 definitely

[@bigseeks1417]

And Tim Dillon is the straightest gay man ever. I feel like they could do something with that lol

[@maxschenner17]

He's just deeply closeted

[@spencerl7826]

I've heard Chris tell this story multiple times from watching his specials and on Pandora. This time I felt like I got the real unedited version! You're the man Chrissy!

[@swagn1f1c13nt]

CHRIS was hitting on ALL CYLINDERS with THIS ONE!!! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@renewable1502]

This guy is a great comedian. Taking a story that should not at all be funny and making it absolutely hilarious. Hats to you my dude

[@tws18st3]

Why shouldn't it be made fun of? It happened it's over with people love to hold on to it so they can blame their shitty lives on a disaster caused by our own government

[@branon6565]

RenewableEnd85 ....why shouldn't it be funny? I mean he knocked some as**ole out cold with a chair, that sh*t's hilarious.....

[@branon6565]

TWS 18st ....caused by the animals who follow a false prophet pedophile, not our gov't

[@abrahamjosM]

You are right... - 9/11 - crying teen - teen on steroids (in school?) - brutal attack on child - mom in blood - dad in jail - dad bribing, threatening Principal - principal doing underground supply....

[@jessicabritton8750]

@@abrahamjosM cry

[@jclem1600]

That was one of the funniest bits I’ve ever seen. To take such a touchy subject WHILE drunk and have a whole room laughing takes so much talent.

[@kh0357]

“whoopdido you’re not on the phone anymore” killed me

[@seanm7539]

Omg

[@Trish-j2y]

Me too. I can picture it!

[@wh1tewolf4]

Finger slams on the phone rest button!

[@dontbestupid6664]

I could imagine Pacino doing that it in one of those 90s mob movies.

[@dyan785]

Magic trick lolololol

[@IggyZardable]

„Id rather be in actual jail, with my friends.“ has me dying everytime

[@tkrpclips8363]

"I'll take it 364 days of the year, NOT TODAY!!!" 😂😭😂😂

[@SkritchB]

Somehow i find the funniest thing in this is when he walked in to school "youre expelled" "oh shit man i forgot" got me cracking in tears especially the way he said it

[@BondofOblivion]

Did you hear of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ?

[@Mamaki69]

Never Forget.

[@muraddiab6393]

He tried the George Costanza method

[@Simply_chase]

Give this man some benadryl, and get him over to YMH

[@robreid2652]

thatfitdad IG piss on me. Beat me.

[@Daswassuphomie]

@@robreid2652 um ..ok?!

[@bnww5022]

@@Daswassuphomie It's a YMH reference

[@caneface87]

Jeans were high and tight!

[@johndoe5272]

Younga Munree Huwecors? I ront think that Widdle Wayne signs comerians. If rey do get Shane Gillis some benaril and send him too.

[@gabriellegallo7433]

This will forever be my favorite story of all time

[@YankeesFanForLife27]

“I lost god September 21st, 1979” had me dying lol

[@vladimirenlow4388]

How could Earth, Wind, and Fire make someone lose their faith in God?

[@jacksonp2397]

Do you remember?

[@7MTheHunger]

@@jacksonp2397 😂😁🤣 .... If that wasn't a joke, then it's still pure Comedy.

[@glamdoll9082]

God with a capital G

[@YankeesFanForLife27]

GLAM DOLL It’s okay just to laugh Karen

[@luarodriguez6516]

I’d rather be in prison with my actual friends 😂😂😂

[@DoctorSoles11]

By FAR chrissy’s best stand up YET cuz! WOW!

[@adrianh818]

what's his full name?

[@andrewforce6516]

@@adrianh818 Chrisanthimum.

[@saracarr3382]

This man has the exact opposite comedic energy as John Mulaney

[@lionheart7019]

What is Mulaney’s effect. Haven’t seen too much of Mulaney.

[@stevenosborne455]

Mulaney is drunk gangster that sobered up and acts gay. This guy is clean cut gay guy that gets drunk and goes gangster.

[@cecilia4947]

@@stevenosborne455 interesting

[@soulbound2]

@@stevenosborne455 oh

[@stevenosborne455]

@Keynesian Economics indeed he does, he's incredibley straight actually. However, I still stand by my metaphor.

[@DanielLopez-dy1ul]

"There's gotta be another way" in NY Italian accent had me dying lmao

[@iamskippy]

08:59 _”Are you stupid?”_ 09:23 _”Chrissy, lock the forking door.”_ 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@shmigod1195]

Yeah I heard it too

[@javigd96]

He lost God september 21st 1979

[@petrovsimon]

40 years ago today, this man lost God...

[@patphatkitten]

Simon. Someone said it means he killed someone in prison.

[@jimmypadilla3441]

Honestly could've been both...

[@patphatkitten]

@@ali3nsuperstar yeah, possible.

[@Papabandana]

@@jimmypadilla3441 both..... *AT THE SAME TIME*

[@gavinoldham7783]

His dad voice sounds like coach Steve from big mouth

[@ThisIsYourOnlyWarning]

Gavin Oldham I was thinking the exact same thing! This was a great set!

[@krombopulosnichols4070]

Breh

[@biggiefish8223]

"They got the wrong guy...... He didn't make the thick in the warm "

[@EvilMonkey7818]

@@biggiefish8223 Most appropriate username to match a comment I've seen in a minute.

[@biggiefish8223]

@@EvilMonkey7818 thank you

[@sarmenpm1304]

Who else comes back every now and then to watch this?

[@bennettswatsenbargii4218]

Me

[@dycey622]

me

[@nosceteipsum6742]

At least 10 times in the last two years lol

[@IronHide3910]

Here again

[@manuelzapata8545]

I lost track of how many times I've watched this

[@calisongbird]

Same!!! 😂

[@MajicMarco]

"Some drunk guy just wandered onto the stage and started telling jokes, he doesn't even have a time slot." "Wait... let him talk."

[@d3AdLyf3]

Hahahhahahaha good one lmao

[@brischneider1400]

“I’m daddy’s little princess and I know what daddy wants” I lost it 😂😂😂

[@juliesciulla]

I’ve been unable to draw a complete breath this entire story….I can’t get enough of this guy❤

[@MalloryNewcomb]

“How did you survive 9/11 and fall off the bus?!” “He was wearing a chain that was Jesus’ actual height and weight in gold” FANTASTIC, I actually used that last week 🤣 But I had to stop the video at “I lost God September 21st, 1979” because I laughed so hard my (conservative Christian) soul could’ve escaped my body.

[@jefersonvilaede]

and that "never forget" was fucking golden

[@davidstillwell8091]

When he’s talking about his dad coming to the school I’m picturing Adam Sandler lmao

[@jasminesanchez542]

Sameeeee

[@Schyler__Parker]

It literally is a perfect Sandler impression 😂😂

[@whymakeme]

yes!

[@liamflairty8944]

I’m just seeing my dad doing this lmao

[@MalloryNewcomb]

I imagined Joey Diaz 😂

[@maninjaking]

I’ve watched this so many times & I will continue to keep watching it. I love his stand up so much.

[@nsane87]

Legitimately one of the best sets I've seen in a long time, killed it man, great job!

[@jordansharqawi4062]

This story was a legitamate roller coaster going through dimensions of change. Incredible

[@yremogtnomnad]

He was like "never forget" and I was like "I forgot". I'm dying over here

[@phise1]

The second this started I knew chrissy was at least 2 drinks in. What a magical set!

[@tylerswanson2922]

That "I lost God" line is hilariously dark

[@seapeajones]

Agree! It's such a good detail for the story

[@TheTribalistic]

Tyler Swanson Yeah.... i just stopped laughing and ...and started to think about shit after that line

[@dannydbdhoes]

I don't get it 🙃

[@-j-4618]

dannydbdhoes he lost God

[@williamwiley4437]

I can rehear this story a hundred times and still be cracking up

[@nictse500]

I love that he still has that childlike wonder towards what his dad did. It makes the story so much fun!

[@adstanator]

This is what therapy looks like for a comedian

[@_youngstajae]

Literally bro he sounds like he’s having a conversation 😂

[@donny_chang]

Funny enough his therapist told him he should do comedy and he's been killing it

[@theeternalnow6506]

Yeah this was both hilarious and tragic at the same time.

[@janedawson1398]

I think this just beat Jesus for the greatest story ever told.

[@coop948]

"They got the wrong guy." "Here's the thing, no they didn't." 😂😂😂

[@calisongbird]

That part killed me!! 😂😂😂

[@MikeLaBelle]

Chris should just do everything drunk from now on. This is comedy gold. I’ve watched this multiple times now & it’s laughs each & every time.

[@jsharkey9287]

i wish you knew english tbh

[@tanishadarkar9210]

ikr , drunk distefano for the win!!!

[@kevintanner7772]

Mike LaBelle I’d forgotten about this - it’s so classic

[@Paulymcfly1]

@@jsharkey9287 Wow, smarty pants. Spell checking on youtube.

[@00gr1ngo8]

@@jsharkey9287 my thoughts exactly

[@petermcgill1559]

One of the STRONGEST sets I've ever seen. 12 minutes of gold. I mean it.

[@anunnakimenagerie]

I thought they were going to pretend that his mother died in 9/11 so that the school would take him back

[@PinkLaptop]

Anunnaki Menagerie that would’ve been a good excuse.

[@dylancardoza2923]

That fact that the story of his mom almost dying is the opener for the real story shows how good this is

[@colbythom223]

I watch this every year to remember.

[@randomgunk]

Lost my shit at "Anytime my dad called me by my transgender name..." XD

[@MalloryNewcomb]

He totally turned into Chrissy when he was defending his vodka soda while on Keto oh gosh 😂😂😂. He’s like prepping for the audience to roast him

[@autr3553]

remember seeing this two years ago and pissing myself and now this guy is all over my feed wherever i go and i love it

[@Cannolikiller]

Tony Ballz is WILD.

[@bentimpe5303]

This sounds like Rocket Raccoon doing stand up. 😂

[@Jay_Ara]

Ben Timpe - 🤣 bravo sir 👏

[@JidoKashi]

Ben Timpe HOLY CRAP! It really does!!!

[@mjade1673]

Omg yeassss

[@Sean-kg7vh]

I chuckled when he said “and he looked at the ceiling and laughed”.

[@laurenclark1304]

This human being was born to do what he's doing.... WOW! Honestly, such an effortless talent - I GENUINELY enjoyed spending 12 mins of my life watching this, and I absolutely will watch this again!

[@HistoryHyenas]

Thanks babe! Share with friends and watch the poddy with a smoothie #cayoote

[@mohammed-elghali3027]

"Distefano, you're expelled. Oh I forgot Never forget! I was like I forgot what you gonna do"

[@blackdonaldtrump3869]

“Never forget” 😂😂 I’m sorry but that set up was so fuckin perfect

[@robrodriguez4866]

I bet he woke up the next day and was like, “I’m gonna regret everything i said last night.” ...watched his own performance and realized he murdered it.

[@AdmiralAckbar.]

“Never forget. I forgot.” Oh that’s a good job

[@effieborchert985]

This is one of the best sets I have ever watched!!!

[@javiersds8081]

2:21 - you can tell that he's genuinely drunk by the time he spends just trying to remember what he was telling before.

[@Dwbi334]

He’s doing better than the girl that forgot 9/11 happened and said “what” in a surprised manner after he mentioned the towers going down right after that 😂

[@edder.916]

"No habla ingles" that shit had me rolling 😂🤣🤣💀

[@DanielEspinoza-kh2km]

Atleast every other week or so I come back to this clip... Is something wrong with me? Lol Chris is amazing and his stories make me feel like I'm really there even though its comedy. Your one of the greats Chris! Keep on making people like me laugh when I'm down.

[@davidecapps65]

Top Segura and Bobby Lee brought me here.

[@puklop]

What about bottom Segura?

[@robdela3632]

Meaty Fishoil he follows proto

[@liljes34]

Zachary Wilson his true colours? How do you mean exactly?

[@jadey_babe5264]

Same lol

[@DuneLover6969]

@Zachary Wilson awww poor baby wants no one to change

[@dragendelao]

This dude’s dad impression sounds like the coach from Big Mouth

[@theloudestmind113]

Dragen DeLaO yeah it does hey? It’s that staten Island accent and deep voice haha

[@mykillmatic]

Hands down one of if not the best set ive ever seen

[@0The_Farlander0]

This was spectacular, I've never seen someone get even better at telling a story the more unhinged they got.

[@reelirish7]

Ok but why does Chris have so many jokes about hummus lol? I laugh at all of them, but I feel like every clip I watch he mentions it in some way 😂

[@joanneweiss3864]

It's a freaking different reference than any other comedians so it's even funnier.

[@Jason-vn5xj]

The Cellar is famous for having really good hummus and it’s always backstage. A lot of comedians have talked about it in the past.

[@rontoothaker4045]

I watched this for the first time about a year ago and I’ve watched it probably 5 times now and it kills every time. One of the best stories I’ve ever heard. Chrissy stories baby

[@indiepunkftw]

I'm so happy this hit a million views, I can honestly say this is one of my top 3 favorite stand-up bits ever. The flow, the timing, the wit, all 10 out of 10s.

[@shay5311]

Whats the other two

[@camilleshearon5120]

About 638483 of those views are me

[@reggiedlamini3911]

4 milly!

[@ammcd2012]

I'm only 7 minutes in and I love his Father...let's see how I feel at the end...

[@alexanderrose1071]

ammcd2012 how did you feel at the end?

[@ammcd2012]

@@alexanderrose1071 I loved it all the way through to the end...very memorable story...

[@mcf-662]

I could watch this 100 times and 100 times it would crack me up. The fact he's drunk makes it even funnier and makes him even somewhat endearing

[@nickmarkopoulos2720]

This has been out for less than a week and I've watched it 4 times already Bravo Chrissy

[@grafforbust]

I was smoking a joint watching this and I feel like I almost had an aneurism I was laughing so hard

[@nadyazawrocki]

I want/need to meet Chris Distenfanos in person! LOVE YOU!